The blessing of loving what you do

Why do you like your job?

Having heard from many others, I can only count myself blessed to enjoy what I do and my job. The responsibilities involved can be challenging and sometimes frustrating. Managerial levels, especially those in project management who impose demands for deliverables that lack any semblance of being feasible considering resources, time, and cost, are particularly difficult.

Clearly, one must be assertive enough in their area of expertise to offer a genuine perspective on what is achievable within the constraints provided. I recognised this blessing more profoundly when people asked me if I liked my job. It revealed more about how they felt about their own positions than about any genuine curiosity regarding my situation.

The fear of change

I hate to admit that it felt more like searching for kindred spirits in the shared misery of work life, which is quite sad. Fortunately, I found the courage to walk away from a job that had lost its enjoyment, excitement, and sense of progress. 

This situation often arises from how one is managed; if line managers view you as a human being, giving respect, courtesy, dignity, and trust, while also recognising your contributions, it can significantly affect your experience. 

Too often, we are constrained by the fear of leaving the comfort of the familiar for the uncertainties of the unknown. However, it has been in those moments that I have left the comfort of a stable job with a regular salary and no clear prospects for advancement or promotion, that I have stepped into more exciting and rewarding roles and opportunities.

Take that vital step

You must step out and away to step into something better. A brief discomfort might herald better things to come. Naturally, one must have faith in oneself and in the experiences acquired, which may be underappreciated where you currently are, but seen as invaluable elsewhere.

What you do not want is for the transient notion of job security to rob you of career autonomy and erode your ambition, leading to a loss of confidence in your marketability.

Many of us should explore better ways to market our skills in varied environments. A curriculum vitae needs enhancement to catch the eyes of recruiters beyond a mundane presentation.

Trust your capable self

When it ceases to be enjoyable, do not waste time hoping it will improve if the personnel, purpose, or project has not changed. Reinventing oneself can be an appealing and distinguishing factor in the job market; moreover, no knowledge or experience is ever truly wasted. This may necessitate a period of inactivity or a change of surroundings.

This is why I believe that, regardless of what you undertake, its value or impact may not be immediately apparent, but your own progress is something others elsewhere might appreciate.

Reassess your options; you have likely exhausted the potential for growth within your current engagement and need new fertile ground of people, projects, and purposes to write another wonderful chapter in your career and life.

Finally, you are the principal participant in the story of your life, do not let another make you a victim of your circumstances, think of number one and take care of number one first, learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all.

Thought Picnic: The result of excusing bad behaviour

When we excuse the inexcusable

I have sometimes been concerned if not worried about the way we reward bad behaviour by excusing things because of our better nature, accepting things because they are out our control, commending things because another characteristic of the person appeals to us, or through some lack of moral fibre in us, we allow such until that behaviour becomes commonplace.

From the observation of many things as close as within my family or further afield in political leadership in places that would have been bastions of good manners, the vilest of characterisation has emerged that one is both filled with revulsion and disgust as one recoils into some sort of recluse unable to comment about each particular issue.

How broken fences cannot be fixed

That I deployed myself to specifically address one such instance, which was the culmination of a series of mistakes and mishaps we had allowed to fester and had been fostered more by filial relationship than anything else had drawn the most out of our better nature, we had to draw the line somewhere.

It is too easy to be taken advantage of because of the familiarity and the reading that we cannot follow through with the inconceivable. It only takes a little more disrespect and discourtesy to breach that thin curtain that veils what we conceal of the worst of what we can be.

For safety and self-preservation, which might be selfish and sinful, we find that essential resolve against emotional blackmail.

Witchcraft cannot be understood

Rebellion, the good book says, is as wicked as witchcraft, and in witchcraft is an unmistakable recognition of the inexplicable, because nothing reasonable or logical is understood from what you find yourself perceiving.

The thought that people might recognise and seek a space for self-reflection on their own flaws rather than regard themselves under siege is one we rarely find as the appropriate resort.

In certain relationships with friends and even leaders, elements of affection and regard will wane, in family, it creates drift and exacerbates rift. Does one have the energy for making peace?

This only depends on whether things are redeemable from an initial point of people willing to engage and listen. You cannot get far if the default at the mountain is obstinacy, and some mountains are better not climbed or scaled, there are other meadows for appreciation.

Facing down the schoolyard bully

On the leadership front, on which I would rarely want to comment because too many are entrenched or enthralled, my heart goes out to Volodymyr Zelenskyy. He has come from a comedy to exemplify Ukraine's fighting spirit.

To stand up to bullies who have become so powerful because we have always excused bad behaviour and accepted an inexcusable narrative masquerading as truth is the greatest danger we now face, but only a few can face down.

There comes a time when bad behaviour should never be excused again, I know where my red lines are and where they have been crossed, I have done the selfish and sinful, yet within the human sphere of things, it is a needful and rightful thing.

Facing down the schoolyard bully just takes one person, courageous enough to challenge the seeming potentate and call out the abuse of power, to the wherewithal to stand their ground. Of such men, few remain.

HIV Long-Term Survivors Awareness Day 2021

Coming to terms

I probably have been exposed to it long before I took up the courage to find out for myself. For years, I would go for check-ups but ask not to be informed of the results of tests I did not go there for, that was the HIV test even though I was in a high-risk category.

Between a sense of invincibility and probably mind-numbing stupidity exacerbated with denial, I continued to escape the responsibility to know, and it was not until I was living in the Netherlands for over 2 years that I decided to face the music. I also presume at that time, I belonged to a cohort who if that knowledge was acquired became an uninsurable risk especially for life insurance.

Getting to know

Anyway, it was in early September 2002 that I went for a test that I was almost entirely sure would result in the news I was now ready to hear, that I had been infected and my life was about to change in ways I am not sure I was prepared for. The first result arrived on Friday, the 13^th of September, but there was a second confirmatory test that needed to be conducted on my blood, which I received the next Friday, alone.

Returning home, I informed my pastor of the news I had already told him I was expecting and settled into contemplation about the life ahead of me. I took no immediate decisions and even avoided taking the next step to therapeutic address as prophylaxis against full-blown AIDS presenting as cancerous Kaposi’s sarcoma, 7 years later.

All in gratitude

On this day, the 5^th of June, HIV Long-Term Survivors Awareness Day, with the theme, AIDS at 40: Envisioning a Future We Never Imagined; I am in the 19^th year of knowing with episodes that have so radically changed my life in ways I never have envisaged for planned for.

For all the stories I have to tell, I am grateful for the gift of life, the efficacy of the drugs that keeps wellbeing and holds disease at bay, the amazing friendships of those who have always stood with me, the grace of God and the indescribably amazing love I found in Brian.

To many more years of purposeful living, those we lost too early out of whose experiences have grown advances in medicine and life expectancy, the continued battle against stigma and in their memories, we hope never to forget each of us touched by this plague who are no less significant in the story of our humanity.

Walking through adversity is life indeed

Suffering to smile

Eight years ago today, I handed over the keys to my home of 10 and a half years to a young couple who in the tailwind of the global financial crisis bought it for 75% of the what I paid for the place. It was my castle until cancer came and took away the means of my sustaining that life and lifestyle. It was a dip or maybe a depression in an otherwise successful life, but that was not my first encounter with adversity.

Blog - Thought Picnic: It's Goodbye to Oostelijke Handelskade 1121

As I left, I was given a whole house to stay in for two months, rent-free, then a young Indian family took me into their abode for another month and a half before they helped me back to the UK. I was living a part of Psalm 23 that was not comfortable but still life-affirming. I was walking through the valley of the shadow of death, the way from one area of green pastures beside the still waters to another known to the shepherd.

I do not fear adversity

There were days I did cry at what was happening to me, but I did not despair, like the Prodigal son, I decided the Netherlands had no more to offer me and found it best to return to the UK. Within 6 days of my return, I had an exciting new job, having been out of work for 20 months.

I was like a prophet in the wilderness, yet, ravens came with sustenance and angels in the form of men heaped into my bosom. Amid nothing, I lacked for nothing, the Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

When I read my story repeatedly, I have had plenty and had little, it is life as a story that is in no way ordinary. I am not afraid of adversity for it is the road to prosperity when the sheep have exhausted the plenty they need to be herded to new pastures. There is no guarantee that getting there would be devoid of dangers, in fact, it is fraught with the unseen and the unknown, only courage, confidence, and determination can get you there.

Steady into eddies

I reviewed the past two years and found that my turnover in the last year was 51% less than the previous year. I had the security of a contract, but no assignments I could bill. I listened to the sweet tongue of managers who promised much and delivered little. My business suffered and, in the end, because they had nothing to offer, we parted ways.

Just as things were looking up, I fell ill and it took almost a month to regain my strength. Then the Coronavirus pandemic took hold, people were losing their jobs, getting furloughed and living in despair. These were the worst conditions in which to look for work and even if you did get any, you could not be expecting good rates either. That is how things looked on the face of it.

Suddenly, green pastures appear

I was walking through another valley of the shadow of death, keeping my nerve not to fear any evil and continuing in the assurance that the Lord my shepherd is always with me, comforting me that this also shall pass because we need to pass through the wilderness, valleys and dangerous places to get to green pastures and still waters anew.

Yet, dire as things seemed, pressures coming from all sides, bills mounting like mountains with sheer cliff faces you can never attempt to scale. I get a call, and without interviews, just a discussion and they liking my CV, I’m in a new job retaining quite close to the rate I had before.

Nothing I could have planned or negotiated, it was a table prepared before me in front of the enemies of my soul weighing anxiety and adversity heavily on me, still, I triumph with my cup of joy, victory, and prosperity running over. I am conditioned to expect plenty in the time of famine. The circumstances around me do not determine the outcomes I intend to enjoy.

I am a story to be told of life, that we must traverse many things, but never lose hope; we will encounter adversity, but that is not the end; we would come through it all by means that we would never be able to explain apart from knowing that we are destined to have goodness and mercy follow us all the days of our lives.

Psalm 23 (KJV) [Bible Gateway]

15 Seconds on the Soft Shoulder

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I’ll cry if I want to

Every once in a while I give my eyes the routine maintenance of giving the tear ducts a flush. There is no switch to set off the channels that bring water to my eyes.

By a deliberate act, I might chop onions and that is hardly a task I enjoy, for years, I used a mandolin and then I found Spar does diced onions, I guess the efficient rather the lazy part of me decided I had hit the gold dust of cooking ingredients. Most of the time, the onions go into the cooking pot rather than the frying pan, I store the diced onions in the freezer and when needed, crack the bag on a shelf and pour in what I need.

Sowing kindness

I started the evening with a Facebook post that talked of a hungry boy who asked for a glass of water and was given a glass of milk. He had only a dime and asked what he could pay for the glass of milk, the lady answered that her mother told never to take money for an act of kindness. The boy thankfully blessed her from his heart.

Decades down the line, the lady fell seriously ill and was transferred to a city hospital where a consultant was engaged to monitor and treat her condition. He saw where she came from and on checking on her, realised she was the lady who gave him a glass of milk, many years before. He dedicated himself to her wellbeing and care until she was well. Her hospital bill came to over $28,000 which she did not have.

The consultant had intercepted the bill and added a note before having the bill presented to the lady. She read the bill and then the note, all it said was, “Paid for with a glass of milk.” The tears welled up in my eyes, how kindness gets repaid, you can never know.

Stories that move the heart

The annual charade of the BBC Children In Need is on again, this charity has raised over £1 billion pounds since 1980 for disadvantaged children and young people in the UK. Gosh! I miss Sir Terry Wogan, but I switched to the channel and it was being presented tonight by Ade Adepitan and Tess Daly.

There are so many stories of kindness, hope over adversity and the overcoming of infirmity, human strength and resilience coming from young kids who have faced cancer, life-changing injuries and all sorts of crises, yet, none have a sense defeat but are living examples of grace, love and fortitude.

Each story told is a miracle of our humanity, those who suffer and those who succour bound together in the refrain of that song, “He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother.”

I have been blessed by kindness

In my life, I remember the many who have come into my life in times of need, of great adversity and difficulty, friends and strangers alike who found the common cause of human kindness and unconditional love whose acts towards me have been to carry me, unconcerned about the burden, to the questions that might have crossed their minds, they have answered back, “He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother.”

What a blessing it has been for me to have means and opportunity, not necessarily to repay the kindness directly, but to others. To each and many, I hope I never have to faint, but be girded with much more strength to say, “They ain’t heavy, they’re my brothers, my sisters, my fathers, my mothers, my aunts, my uncles, my nephews, my nieces, my relations, my friends, my neighbours, my community, my people, my humanity and whatever diversity and inclusivity I am blessed to be part of.”

My tears on the soft shoulder of love

I have shed many a tear watching acts of kindness, things that bring happiness and joy to others, to ease the pain, pacify the perturbed, demonstrate the amazing and incredible, the whole celebration of humankind. For the kindnesses I have received too, my tear ducts have opened like sluice gates and I am not afraid to cry, it can be a wonderful release and expression of our humanity.

Maybe I have found 15 seconds on the soft shoulder, I know one shoulder on which I could cry for as long as I want, he is the one I love, and we hope to soon be together again.

Courtesy of the William Kentridge exhibition at Zeitz MOCAA, Cape Town.

Thought Picnic: Having the courage of your convictions

The spirit

There are very few people with the spirit of courage, a boldness and daring to venture out of their comfort zones in the quest for something different and new.

Sometimes, what leads people to chart a course of short-term loss and hurt for long term peace and fulfilment is the desire to absent themselves from those situations where they have comfortable and unchallenged, where the danger of being settled is the encroachment of the predictable and mundane.

Indeed, I have experienced scenarios where self-satisfied ease with encumbrance presages a future of being left behind and having no other options but to descend the rungs to climb if there is scope to embrace change.

The disrespect

However, the worst environment to be in is where you are easily held in contempt, where you’re used and abused, belittled, patronised and disrespected. I have known people of high office but of no grace, breeding or manners whose only means of validation is to seek to hold in contempt others who are more confident, self-assured and fearless.

It is not long before a better person in the know of who they are in person, personality and the personable would decide they are taking no more of that kind of nonsense, be it from so-called friends, colleagues, acquaintances, bosses or strangers.

The courage

It is neither hubris nor pride to determine you are better than to be treated in a particular way giving you the impetus to walk, to have the courage of one’s convictions and act on them without looking back out of fear, dread or anxiety is the making of achievement small and great. In such people, I find encouragement because to dare is to stand with principle, integrity and honour.

I salute those who are ready to disrupt the norm, introduce that temporary discomfort into their well-laid out schemes to achieve a better outcome and story. They discover that the earth is not flat, they face down uncertainty with a steely will to bring in new certainties, they take the first step in what might be a journey of indeterminable length and time, facing forwards and pressing on to a goal that is only in the eye of the mind.

The eagles

Thinking differently, listening attentively, speaking carefully, understanding intently and loving life with infectious passion. In the little things and the great things, they rarely recognise that they are beacons of the possibilities that gives others the daring to leap out of their comfort zones to embrace adventure and the unknown.

They are the living examples of that – One step for man, but a giant leap for mankind. Keep doing what you know to do, aspire, inspire and conspire to make the world a better place. The ducklings who suddenly realised they were eagles, from then, they took flight and became the kings of the air, in poise, grace and class.

Decade Blogs - Annie Emmanuel - Loyal To A Fault And Daring To Do

Decade Blogs

When I first asked Annie Emmanuel to write a blog for my #YourBlogOnMyBlog Series commemorating my Decade of Blogging, she balked at the idea.

Blog - To Celebrate My Decade of Blogging

Yet, I am someone who believes we all have stories to tell, each story unique and each story significant because every singular experience is part of the life of the person completely distinct and different from others by reason of who that person is, what they have lived through and how it affects them.

A story can be as simple as that, it constitutes the building blocks of a blog.

So, we worked through her reticence, with private conversations on Twitter and eventually a long-distance call from Canada on my birthday that lasted 90 minutes.

I knew she could do it and for someone who hardly every writes, this is an example of someone who has stepped completely out of their comfort zone of presumed inability to do something that shows amazing innate ability that we never really discover of ourselves except through challenge, persuasion and application.

For this alone, I am grateful to Annie for taking up this task and that is before you have read this beautiful piece about loyalties.

Annie writes from Canada. She shares her random thoughts on Twitter with the handle @buddlies4real. I hope you enjoy reading this piece as I did.

Loyal to a ‘fault’

Sitting at my computer, trying to pen my thoughts in celebration of Uncle Akin’s decade of blogging, I grab a glass of hot chocolate, my favourite drink, pull my blinds and watch as the snow falls; I reflect on the series of events that have happened to me in the past couple of months. The issue of loyalty in relationships comes to mind.

I realized those that loved me and were loyal to a fault, they are ready to go the extra mile to ensure I am happy, sometimes do so at their own expense. They would stick out their neck for a friend, no matter what.

Even though I don't appreciate them enough, they are always there for me, loyal to a fault, a virtue I cherish a lot.

While growing up, I remember my mum would always tell my dad to be wary of the level of kindness and love he shows to people. “Very soon, you will give out both of your eyes and you won’t have any to see, then you will become a blind man”, she would say to him.

“You will be led by the hand, with no one offering to spare you any of their eyes”, she’d continue.

I think I inherited that level of kindness. Some people are loyal to a fault, just as my dad was kind and loving to a fault.

In the course of my lessons in life I discovered loyalty as a strong virtue and a strength which everyone would not always possess.

To acquire this virtue, we really need to be conscious of it, make it a part of us, and live it out in our everyday life. That's the only way it can become a part and parcel of us. The same goes for other virtues such as kindness and love.

An incident during my teenage years comes to mind. A friend of mine and myself agreed to excommunicate another ‘friend’ that had offended us both. Alas, while I was away on vacation, she resumed communication with her. When I got back, they had even grown tighter than before. I felt quite bad and as a teenager, I stopped talking to both of them for years! LOL!. Petty, huh? I remember telling my friend off and decrying her lack of loyalty to me.

Looking back at that today, I realize I have probably behaved in a similar way to people that love me and thinking about it makes me feel remorseful.

We cannot pretend to be loyal if it is not part of our daily life. Same way we cannot pretend to be kind and show love if it is not part of us.

Loyalty is like a bond, it could also have social angles.

Parents love kids who are loyal to them, spouses want partners who are loyal to them, the government wants citizens who are loyal to it, and even God wants us to be loyal to Him.

Loyalty is deep and complex. Its terms and conditions represent a covenant.

Though I am not always loyal, I consider myself a work in progress, working at that aspect of my life, something I believe some of us are doing as well.

I cannot tell you how many times, I have gone back and forth, how many conversations I have had with my friends, on this topic.

I have gained a wealth of knowledge and much experience in a variety of areas as a result of having a loyal friend.

I will also want to use this medium to tell my friend that I do love him and appreciate him.

So, is there some relationship between loyalty and love? Well, loyalty is a sense of commitment and dedication while love is a feeling of affection. I believe loyalty, same for love and kindness, needs to be reciprocated, for it not to become a sort of servitude.

I can say that I have experienced loyalty from a loved one. But on the other hand, I am probably guilty of not always being loyal to those that love me.

And if loyalty is not reciprocated, it induces dissatisfaction and fatigue, coupled with elements of deception and being taken for granted.

The good news? Almost anyone can learn Loyalty.

We can learn to be loyal, grow it to become a behaviour.

Loyalty keeps parties together and focused on the same goal.

And sometimes, I ask myself if there’s really any connection between love and loyalty.

If you love someone, does that make you automatically loyal to that individual and vice-versa?

I’m sure I will find an answer soon.

Decade Blogs - Bisi Alimi - 10 Years of Blogging

Decade Blogs

Bisi Alimi is so many things I would have loved to be, open, direct, engaged, challenging, gregarious, talented and amazing.

Yet, all those words do not half begin to describe this man who excites passions in people in a spectrum so divergent from persuasively acceptable to the implacably unacceptable.

He gives voice to those who because of culture, stigma, fear and dangers imposed by circumstance and society are unable to engage in the pursuit of happiness.

A classic example of one who though rejected by his homeland has become a global citizen dining with princes and speaking with kings.

It goes to show if your cause is for the greater expression of our humanity and the freedom to live our lives to the fullest potential without the negative encumbrances of religion, creed, doctrine, laws, morality or sententiousness, the world would listen. I am highly honoured to know him as a friend.

Even more pleased that he agreed out his heavy schedule to contribute to my #YourBlogOnMyBlog Series commemorating my Decade of Blogging.

Blog - To Celebrate My Decade of Blogging

Bisi Alimi consults in Training, Research, Public Speaker and International Development Consultant on Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity Issues, he tweets with the handle @BisiAlimi and his website is located at http://www.bisialimi.com. I would let his piece speak for itself. Enjoy.

10 Years of Blogging

When I got the DM (direct message) from Akin Akintayo to write for the 10^th year anniversary of his blogging adventure, I went in a state of panic.

Now this panic was not about my being empty of mind of what to write, no it was never about that, because when it comes to writing, I think I have a lot to say. My panic stemmed from the challenge it takes to write for Akin Akintayo. How on earth will I be able to live up to the expectation of his blog devotees?

Over the course of 10 years, he has built for himself a fan base that not only read his blog for his articulate reasoning, but also for is unashamedly exigent use of English, something that for me is a no go area.

Then just while going to bed on the night of 17^th December, I received the biggest inspiration ever. I realised that my place is never to compete with this man I call Uncle Akin. I realised that I will never be like him and I should never be like him. I realised that this is not a time for me to show to his fan base that I can at least put together two sentences or know a bit of grammar and that I hardly use spell check for his writing (though that will be telling lies).

I realised that this is the time for me to celebrate one of the many that has come to change my life forever, someone that I not only call an uncle, but have upgrade to the position of a father, a brother and even more confidante.

I met @forakin over a year ago. I met him via twitter; it was one of those ‘Bisi you have to meet @forakin’ kind of tweets. I followed him and after few tweets and retweets, we agreed to meet in the spring of 2012. As usual, it was a raining and sunny day in London. We met just at the Starbucks by the London Underground Embankment Station.

I will be very honest; I had no idea how the day would end, but I was pretty excited meeting this man. I have a very bad habit, when I get introduced to people; I do a background check on them online. I want to know if they have a web presence, who they are, what they stand for and what informs their ideology, so I did the same and that was when I saw his blog, read some of them, and I was overtaken by pride and fear.

I can remember spending about two hours with him inside that Starbucks café, talking politics, sexuality, economy, travelling and many other things. Right there and then, I was sure we would surely be friends for life.

That day set the pace of a lifetime journey with @forakin and me. I have listened to him with so much admiration. There are few people in this world that can tell me what to do, and I will do. There are very few people in this world I dare not look in the face. I can humbly say @forakin is at the top of that list.

We both have been through a lot together. Like a little boy I have had the opportunity to listen to him tell the story of his life. Many tales brought tears to my eyes, many were great delights, and many were exciting. However, one thing stood clear, all the things he has shared with me have helped in shaping my views about myself and other people.

If I have the time I will list one million and one ways he has influenced myself, however, there are few that are worth mentioning.

I remembered the many conversations we have had about challenges in life. How he has overcome many of the tests life has tossed his way. I remembered many times, him looking in my eyes when I got really scared and doubted myself, telling me that I can do it.

Like a father, whenever I am on stage speaking, I look with pride into the audience and see @forakin, his eyes and head urging me on.

While I have the luxury of never doing anything wrong, he will never let my bad behaviour go unchecked. He has such strong position on making me a good man that he will not sit back and allow me to go astray.

I remembered the many nights he will call or text me just to let me know that he believes in me. At the peak of my depression in the spring of 2013, he along with Funmi Iyanda was there for and with me.

I remembered your decision to take me away to take me to Torquay when my relationship broke down thereby giving me back my self-confidence and self worth. You took the time to let me enjoy the beauty of nature while I nurtured my inner man. I remembered many times you have cried and laughed with me. I remembered many times I came back from work and you have made me wonderful “Asaro”. I also remembered many nights we had gone to bed hungry because there was no food at home.

However, like father and son we disagree on many issues, we never see eye to eye on many issues, but we never allow our differences to destroy the amazing relationship we share.

There are many more things I would have loved to say, but even now as I am writing, the fear of his walking stick pointing at me with a smile on his face that at the same time is telling “I wont take no such rubbish from you” has stopped me in my track.

Akin Akintayo, with pride for being one of the very few on twitter and in real life that can say they know you personally and have drank from your river of love, wisdom, passion, intelligence and humility, I say congratulations of being an enigma.

Finally, I will not finish this essay without saying “Uncle Ilu Oyinbo”, your love for me is immeasurable. Thank you for being one of the cornerstones of my strength and allowing me to share with you the joy of brotherhood.

Opinion: Tom Daley and the pursuit of happiness

Open and real

Seeing Tom Daley on video yesterday revealing that he was in a relationship man, and he could not be happier revealed a sense of empowerment in being able to give voice to a personal story. [BBC News] [BBC News]

For all the speculation that might have accompanied trying to determine what preferences for partnership he had, nothing could be better than having control of your personal narrative.

Many a time, people have in their quest for privacy or for the fears of rejection, stigma, shame or even blackmail, never lived to the full, expending all their energy in maintaining a false normalcy about their lives too secret to find expression in most of the occupations that they find themselves.

The courage of conviction

We compartmentalise our lives into some sort of schizophrenic existence, presenting different personas to different groups of people without the freedom to be who we really are in entirety and overcome with fear or concern for what others might think about us.

What impressed me the most about Tom Daley was this, he was able to put the pursuit of happiness above every fear of stigma in the search for and the fulfilment of love, that is commendable and it is a great life achievement.

The pursuit of happiness is in my humble opinion, a fundamental human right, it is one that we need to realise we can pursue for the simple fact that we have only one life to live and everything that brings fulfilment rather than regret is worth every smile that could ever cross our lips.

Love who you love and be happy

This in the company of those we decide to give our hearts to, to enjoy life and do things together to the completeness and full realisation of self, self-esteem and self-actualisation.

It should not matter what our sexuality is, everyone has the capacity to love and be loved in heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, asexual or platonic relationships. That we feel restrained for all the societal, the cultural, the religious or the familial pressures is unfortunate.

We are left with the comforting and exhilarating words of Tom Daley, "Of course I still fancy girls but right now I'm dating a guy and I couldn't be happier."

The key phrase in that statement is, “I couldn't be happier.” That alone, we must wish for ourselves.

Thought Picnic: Live Your Life And Avoid Deathbed Regrets

Tackling regret before it sets

This morning as I was going through my feeds and other traffic on my Social Media world, and I happened upon this article that I was quite persuaded to share.

Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed. Reading through I could not help but realise that I was once quite vulnerable and close to death but almost in too much pain to have regrets, I just needed something to deaden the pain and some other thing to keep the food down. [KarenStan]

Second chances

Beyond that experience was the hope that I will survive my ordeal, and as soon as I did, I found myself revisiting places I had been to before just to prove to myself that I had recovered, even though my life had radically changed.

I am grateful that I have done things I have never thought possible before my life-threatening experience and with this new lease of life that I have, it is important that one handles the issues listed well before they become the pointers of regret without any more time to fulfil them.

Live your life

Recently, I believe my writing has been more personal, honest and deep; it is important as I sometimes tell one of my closest friends that we begin to live our own lives by coming out of the shadows and wholeheartedly applying ourselves to the pursuit of goodness, happiness, well-being and fulfilment.

There are parts of our lives and personalities we have held back in conformity and adaptation to the environments and communities we belong to that the full expression of who we are is stifled for convenience, probably fear or even shame.

We live our lives so different from who we really are, so as to be accepted by people who expect us to be what we are not. Constantly fending off pressures and interferences with tact and dissimulation bordering on lies when we must be true to ourselves whether we be accepted and loved or not, because the deathbed regrets will always be personal, never communal.

Beyond the wishes

Therefore, I ask you to review the list and the article, take yourself from the wishing to the doing and then to the accomplishment. Whilst we are able, strong, healthy and have the means, there is much to be done until nothing else can be done. Have the courage of your convictions and refuse to be a victim of the circumstances you find yourself in.

If the last expression is happy and the end seems fulfilled with a smile of satisfaction of a life well lived, we would have ushered ourselves away from our mortal coils with a sense of achievement and a story well told after we are gone.

Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed.

1. I wish I had had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I did not work so hard.

3. I wish I had had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Always have this in mind - You’re free, to do what you want to do

Ultra Naté – Free (1997)

- o - 0 - o -

Where did we go wrong

Where did we lose our faith

My brother is in need

But can he depend on me?

Do you think if one of you tried

Maybe you could find

A better friend than any other?

If you gave more than you took

Life could be so good

Come on and try, now's the time

'Cause you're free

To do what you want to do

You've got to live your life

Do what you want to do

Do what you want

Do what you want to do

Are we all strangers?

Does anyone really care?

Deep down we're all the same

Trying to hide our pain

You think you can never trust another

'Cause they're all out to get ya

We have to live in this world together

If we open up our hearts

Love can finally start

Come on and try, now's the time

'Cause you're free

To do what you want to do

You've got to live your life

Do what you want to do

Bridge when you're down and you're feeling bad

Everybody has left you sad

Feels like no one will pull you through

It's your life, whatcha gonna do?

Make that change, let's start today

Get outta bed, get on your way

Don't be scared, your dream's right there

You want it, reach for it

'Cause you're free

To do what you want to do

You've got to live your life

Do what you want to do

Do what you want

Do what you want to do

Courtesy MetroLyrics

Songwriters

Ultra Naté, Lem Springsteen, John Ciafone

Published by

Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Royalty Network, Foreign Imported Productions & Publishing, Curb Music/Curb Records/Mike Curb Music/Curb Songs, Peermusic Publishing, EMI Music Publishing

Impian Stories: Dreaming of a new way

Dream control

Long ago, Impian realised the potency of dreams, dreams being events he quite vividly remembers when he wakes up, he almost always analyses what he has dreamt about as a playback to appreciate and understand what has been going on in his quite fertile imagination.

Besides this, after watching a film about using scientific methods to enter the dreams of others, he somehow took away from that experience, the ability to control to some extent the plot in his dreams like getting himself out of danger, knowing when he was dreaming, in a trance or experiencing reality and having the ability to break out of a dream waking up spontaneously to extricate himself out of a sticky situation.

I guess everyone knows if you flick a switch in a dream and the lights do not come on, you are in a dream, the funny thing is his mind will inform him in him dream that he is dreaming, the lights will not come on, and if the lights are requirement for that setting, rather than roam in the dark to experience lurking wonders, the self-preservation and failsafe facility kicks in, he will most likely wake up.

Closed up dreams

One area of he dreams he was yet to master was the one to do with enclosed spaces, whilst he had already found coping mechanisms for conscious claustrophobia, his subconscious claustrophobia had gotten worse, he always found him in a maze, unable to retrace his steps and caught in a tight place with no means of escape – very scary.

Houses all seemed to end up like rooms on a spiral stairs with ever-decreasing room to manoeuvre until a point that the space was literally too tight to get the body through, almost like a well-built house had suffered some structural damage after he gained entry that he was in need of a rescue – this was becoming unreasonable because houses are not build like that and why is it that the most interesting rooms were always at the other side of a constricted passage that claustrophobia kept him from exploring.

Rethinking the dream

Then, he had this dream, where the spiral staircase of rooms became an impediment and hindrance, he woke and reasoned, the spiral staircase was a fiction of the mind, houses are not built into a conundrum of impassable passages unless to anyone but those who could slither through like serpents, these were built by human-beings for the use of human-beings and the rooms regardless of how they are laid out will always be properly accessible.

He fell asleep again and picked up the dream where it had left off, only this time, the rooms were all accessible, he had deal with the subconscious claustrophobia by rationalisation and reason, this might well have opened up a neural pathway to exploring other abilities underdeveloped by reason of that impediment.

Methinks, Impian is on a new journey of discovery having opened up a new channel for adventure in his dreams.