Men's things - XIII

Things we have to do

This morning, my second visit to The Christie, the largest single-site cancer centre in Europe and the first UK centre to be accredited as a comprehensive cancer centre. I know where I am going, Department 22, where many men with their partners and some women alone or with their own partners sit in one of four waiting rooms to be assessed, reviewed, or treated.

There have been offers to chaperone me to the hospital, from my neighbour, my friend, or a fellow steward from my church, but I have decided I am best able to cope with the conversations to be had alone. Obviously, if the opportunity were presented, Brian is definite and my best friend Kola, I would have welcomed to be with me through all this.

Taking the piss test

Having checked in, I was presented with a form, the International Prostate Symptom Score (I-PSS) which is a patient’s subjective rating of how they view their urinary health on a scale of 0 (Not at all) to 5 (Almost Always) on the various indicators of Incomplete Emptying, Frequency, Intermittency, Urgency, Weak Stream, Straining, and Nocturia.

Your total I-PSS score will suggest from your perception and feeling how the prostate gland is constricting the urine flow from your bladder to your urethra. My score fell within the range of mildly symptomatic though a bit higher than the score from two weeks ago.

I had already had a consultation on the option for a prostatectomy just over a fortnight ago, I was not enamoured about the aftereffects of surgery, it was all too unpleasant to countenance. Then getting to grips with the idea that something was manifesting inside you has left me somewhere between denial based on its invisibility and bafflement in terms of how to address it.

Just because you’re pissing poor

The consultant for the radiotherapy treatment option came in and introduced herself before asking how I came to know about the prostate cancer diagnosis. Walking her through each stage of testing and results leading to more investigations, she got a good idea of my understanding of the medical situation under discussion.

The I-PSS score then became the issue, and when I thought I might be able to avail myself of the breakthrough brachytherapy treatment for prostate cancer, I soon found out that I would not be eligible because of the treatment possibly complicating my urinary health. [Cancer Research UK: Brachytherapy for prostate cancer]

While I could appreciate no medical personnel would like to leave a patient worse off than they were before treatment, I felt that basing that decision on the subjective equivalent of a hunch when it would have been ideal to undergo urinary health analysis and tests was quite irregular.

Imagine being able to game the system because you had prior knowledge of adjusting the I-PSS score to suit the treatment you want even if the outcomes can be at best dubious and consequently debilitating.

Surely, there is a better way

I had multiple conversations with the consultant and support nurse when I was offered the external radiotherapy treatment that might stretch on for 20 low-to-medium dose sessions. Understandable to protect the functionality of my urinary system, which is under stress from an enlarged prostate, but that comes with other side effects. [Cancer Research UK: External beam radiotherapy for prostate cancer]

In all cases, however, the cancer will be removed totally. My inclination would be to opt for radiotherapy, but I will make no decision until I have had a conversation with my Holistic Needs Assessment team. The consultant twice said she knew I was going to read up on everything we had discussed, I can only wonder what could have given her that idea.

I am doing fine, I feel well, and I am quite hopeful and positive. Things would turn out right, I just need to get a handle on how I should pray. On my way out, I saw directions to the chaplaincy and prayer rooms, I found the chapel and sat in there for a while. As I was about to leave, the chaplains were coming out of their office for midday prayer, I was invited to join them, which I did and we had a moment of devotion, prayer, and reflection before I returned home.

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Blog - Men's things - XII

Give us Barabbas!

Evangelical pastor perfectly refutes MAGA Christianity! Culture, Faith, and Politics

The odious appeal of Donald Trump

Until just a few minutes ago, I was quite puzzled about how the Evangelical and Pentecostal movements in America and further afield seemed to embrace Donald Trump as the person and symbol to centre Christianity in the political discourse of the nation.

Fundamentally, I saw no principle or example that made Donald Trump likeable or amenable to the idea that this would help the promotion of Christian values. In fact, what I saw was a corruption of the purpose of Jesus Christ for the gain of earthly and political power without helping anyone see the mercy, the grace, the glory, or the power of God in their lives.

Christian nationalism with all its culture war paraphernalia and the accoutrements of wedge issues on women’s, reproductive, identity, or another other kind of right that suggests justice, fairness, respect, and dare I say the love of one’s neighbour, the grist of right-wing political doctrine seemed to replace the gospel and the message that Jesus Christ represented.

The quest for temporal power in determining who sits on the Supreme Court, what is taught in the schools, who has access to critical reproductive health options, and now, whether the net can be widened to give opportunity to those who are not like us had become the unquenchable thirst of religious purpose.

Discernment and discrimination

Even with my more active Anglican adherence, I am quite engaged and involved in the Evangelical and Pentecostal doctrines. A good deal of the underpinning of my faith comes from inspiration borne of charismatic expression and from listening to the anointed teachings of many leaders of that persuasion.

In listening, I have to be discerning and alert, following two basic credos from another preacher who has long departed to be with the Lord. In the first instance, he said, “Have as much sense as an old cow, eat the hay and leave the baling wire.” By that, I understand that not everything someone says is ingestible, I need to know what the hay is of the beneficial and the baling wire which is the packaging that is not edible and harmful.

I do not because I disagree with some things a person says then discount everything they have to say. I think there is a function of intelligence in being able to select the gems from the dirt or the rough. Nature is already a demonstration of that thinking.

We have always been human

Secondly, and I would paraphrase, “Do not follow anyone so close that you cannot cut away when they are falling into a ditch.” I guess someone else might say, “Keep a healthy distance and the door wide open.” Another variant of that would be something I read about a conversation between a mother and her daughter. “You have every reason to fall in love but get up and walk into your marriage.”

Do not yoke yourself to the untenable, make the allowances for the protection of your heart and your mind. Be smart and sensible, trusting just enough and verifying everything against the principled sources. In this case, when it comes to Christianity, that is the Word of God, the Bible.

I guess what always surprises me is how humanity in its fundamental nature has hardly changed. We can be persuaded in different ways to follow our basest instincts through charisma, sophistry, or just some force that through expediency we cannot resist.

Threatened powers fighting back

This brings us to the court of Pontius Pilate on the day that Jesus Christ was brought to trial before him, for he was the only political official who could sentence Jesus to death for the crimes that the chief priests had accused him of.

By the time Jesus had raised Lazarus from the dead, the priests were afraid that they would lose their religious influence on the Jews to Jesus Christ and their semi-autonomous political power to the Romans. They determined through Caiaphas the chief priest that Jesus should be put to death.

⁴⁸ If we let Him alone like this, everyone will believe in Him, and the Romans will come and take away both our place and nation.”

⁴⁹ And one of them, Caiaphas, being high priest that year, said to them, “You know nothing at all,

⁵⁰ nor do you consider that it is expedient for ^[a]us that one man should die for the people, and not that the whole nation should perish.” [Bible Gateway John 11:48-50 (NKJV)]

From then on, a plan was hatched to put Jesus to death. Still, the other relevant things alluded to in the YouTube video are what happened on Palm Sunday and the symbolism of riding on a colt of an ass, Hosanna which in Judaism is a cry for help and not the Christian shout of praise, the laying down of palm branches has its significance in the apocryphal book of the Maccabees. They lay down their garments for him to walk on, as if for a king. [Nashville Catholic: Why Palms? The Significance of Palm Branches on Palm Sunday] [Jehu is king! Bible Gateway 2 Kings 9:13 (NKJV)]

We want Barabbas

Even as Pontius Pilate had determined that Jesus Christ was innocent and had done no wrong, the priests prevailed on the crowd to demand the head of Jesus. Pontius Pilate could have exercised his prerogative of power there and then, but instead, he presented the people with the choice between Barabbas and Jesus Christ.

Every inclination would suggest the people would choose the man who brought the gospel, healed the sick, and raised the dead. Still, they chose Barabbas and the priests for that moment seemed to secure their political advantage.

At that, the crowd went wild: “Kill him! Give us Barabbas!” [Bible.com Luke 23:18-25]

Still, at the point where Jesus gave up the ghost on the cross, the inner sanctum of their political and religious power that only the High Priest could enter was exposed as the curtain was rent to two.

The birth of Christianity came on the day of resurrection as the priests had inadvertently dispossessed themselves of what they sought to keep. More pertinently, in contemporary times, we have situations that present us with a Barabbas or a Jesus Christ and what obtains in the quest for political influence and power by religious entities is selecting Barabbas over Jesus Christ, the expedient over the necessary, the temporal over the eternal, the human over the godly.

Essentially, the religious folk are just like you and I, we might have high expectations of their choices, but we would be disappointed if we trust more in humans than we do in the divine. In the biblical and today’s context, I now understand why Donald Trump appeals to the evangelicals as they choose the political over the gospel and find ways to justify their indefensible stance.

Opinion: The issues the CrowdStrike Incident brings to mind

We are not all perfect

In my 36^th year of a career in Information Computer Technology of which more than two-thirds have been as a freelance consultant, even in Nigeria where some thought it folly to abandon a salaried role for the uncharted waters of treading the streets of Lagos and beyond for engagement, I have been quite fortunate.

I would be the first to say every seemingly subject matter expert has a history and that is in keeping with the credo that every saint has a past and every sinner has a future. My recognition of some of the stupidest things to do in any IT environment allows me to reflect on the imperfections, errors, ignorance, overconfidence, mistakes, and failings of experts. Critically, we should learn lessons more and excoriate ourselves less.

CrowdStrike’s bird strike

However, on Friday I was hoping so much that my weekend would not be ruined by the incident of an event that we would need to remediate, especially when what caused it was totally out of our control. I refer to the 2024 CrowdStrike incident where a US cybersecurity company rolled out a faulty update to their software which affected an estimated 8.5 million Microsoft Windows devices.

In the process, we saw this affecting airlines, airports, hospitals, banks, hotels, payment systems, government services, enterprise systems, and emergency services, among the critical services the CrowdStrike software is widely deployed to protect.

The more technical people have already analysed the issue and several solutions have been proffered including an emergency recovery tool that Microsoft released late yesterday to help fix devices that have been left in an unusable state. [Microsoft: New Recovery Tool]

How ever did this happen?

In my view, I am shocked that this CrowdStrike update happened and calls for a reassessment of how we measure impact, risk, and consequence when what we do can be so far-reaching and the means to back out or roll back a presumed solution requires extraneous measures.

If anything, and I have been involved in major deployments that could reach up to 250,000 users globally, you do not roll out a major update on a Friday and I never do on a Monday either. You need the presence of mind and personnel active during the week if things go wrong.

Before that, all techies are left asking, how did such a fundamentally flawed update make it out of the gates at CrowdStrike without being caught in testing, review, change management, risk management, impact assessment, and just the basic corporate desire never to roll out a problem regardless of the situation?

Preoccupied with the stock market

I got one interesting insight looking through the Twitter (X) feed of the President & CEO CrowdStrike, his last tweet was quoting another before pandemonium broke loose on the 8^th of July, and it was the ululation about CrowdStrike being the seventh best-performing stock in the Nasdaq 100 year-to-date and the 14th best in the S&P 500. In both indices, it is the highest returning software stock of the first half of 2024, up over 50%.

[Tweet]

CrowdStrike seemed to be a celebratory mode and last month they celebrated 5 years of being Nasdaq-listed, I hate to think that they had taken their eyes off the ball and by some careless misadventure, a company that was supposed to prevent cyberattacks presided over one of the largest outages ever in the history of information technology.

It leads me to think of the nursery rhyme, Sing a song of sixpence where the king specifically had a counting house to count his money and the maid suffered the mishap of having a blackbird which would have been one of the four-and-twenty birds that were baked in the pie which escaped when the pie was opened and the birds began to sing. Things were not particularly right in that kingdom.

Falconry gone to ground

That this outage affected airports and airlines globally is quite interesting because the update was to CrowdStrike’s Falcon Sensor product. This was a vulnerability scanner that rendered devices totally inoperable. Certain airports deploy falcons to scare away birds that might interfere with the take-off and landing of aircraft. They prevent catastrophic bird strikes that could incapacitate aircraft and lead to accidents.

I find myself thinking CrowdStrike had become a bird strike of unimaginable consequence that the cost of the outages is yet to be computed as many devices might still be offline. CrowdStrike stock price fell almost 20% in the 5 days to the Friday close of the market. The king of CrowdStrike counting his money just over a week before just took a personal hit of $43 million it might be up to $300 million according to Forbes. Not much for a billionaire though.

Ticking boxes and flipping heck

Back to the fundamentals, the question about testing remains as much as I am left wondering what product, service, or project manager needed to tick boxes to meet deadlines over rolling out a patch later than planned to achieve something. Siding with the techies rather than management, could the management have been given different advice, but the techie was overruled for expediency purposes?

I have had these conversations too many times with project managers who have promised the world to management long before they have engaged the input of resources and facilities to get things done to the standard they have promised. The resource is then put in a bind to meet unrealistic deadlines.

You need a force of personality to push back and assert that your job is to deploy solutions that work the first time, maybe with a few tweaks, but you would never roll out what you can determine with all clarity still has issues and can constitute a problem. I do not want to screw up anyone’s project, but I have a professional responsibility to those I provide service and support to not to leave the state of their corporate devices any worse than before my solution was deployed.

Push back and regulation too?

Better late than sorry is not a sin, it is understanding the impact and risk of what you do. One last thing, the update should have gone out in controlled tranches, not globally in one fell swoop. I can see a situation where legislation might require those who can impact critical services to submit a full assessment and deployment plan to a regulator before deployment.

We might be a Federal Aviation Administration (FAA), Securities & Exchange Commission (SEC), or a Food and Drug Administration (FDA) type agency at national, regional, and international global levels to superintend services that can affect global infrastructure along with teeth to regulate, sanction, or punish those who handle their impactful responsibilities with levity.

Hello in There Over There

Hello in There · Bette Midler - John Prine

Looking out into the day

Life in the city presents a window of observation both literally and figuratively. If I cranked my neck looking out to the right, I would see the main road, full of traffic, the missing Venetian blinds pulled down by those who are not gentle of touch might offer a spectacle in flagrante delicto of things better kept out of view.

On occasions, where I have been asked about the weather, a predilection to Miss Havisham’s shunning of the public might suggest that one is unaware of where the sun or the clouds might have come to an agreement about what day they want to show.

Left to my own devices, I will know nothing of what happens in my city until after the event. A hermit untouched and unknown, yet conversant and connected in isolation from sensual interaction.

A part of apartment life

Then, so much information filters in like sunrays on a brilliantly sunny day. From the fourth floor of the apartment block opposite and across the street, I know they are in because they open the window that reflects a blast of light into my living room. Should I wave to them?

For the past two days, the first-floor apartment across from mine had the blinds drawn. They are on holiday one must presume for nothing in the weather of the past couple of days supports the need to shelter from enjoying the elements. They appear to be a partying lot, not that I might haphazardly identify them on the street. They are a function of the apartment in which they live, as I might have been an operatic revue of the unspeakable that excites chortles and giggles.

Old people maybe not lonesome

To the left on the second floor, at the breaking of the dawn, an old man sits at the window looking at a world that his youth once participated in with verve and vigour. The lady who sometimes sits with him might be the wife of decades of marital bliss, a companion of life and experience, with whom living out the rest of their days might stretch to a time beyond record.

The stories in those faces, the memories that fetch fresh waters from wells of existence we could not begin to fathom. They could be parents, likely grandparents, never doubt them being great grandparents, but no little girl’s face has replaced the visage that has met my gaze.

Maybe they see me when I see them, if they ever noticed; for I have watched that window from my desk for years, I could wave at them to say, “Hello! In there”.

Thought Picnic: The little foxes of pique

The inexplicable imponderable

A mobile phone holder on my office desk disappears and there is no other explanation for the disappearance beyond the likelihood that the other person who has full access to the apartment has moved it, used it, and lost it.

Yet, we are left to consider the unexplained in terms of the improbable when it is so patently not the case, for to level an accusation might sour the relationship whilst your sense of discomfiture is hardly assuaged by the realisation that you are losing control of your entire to trusted forces out of your control.

Take another example: a wallet that was vacated of essential things with some unimportant items left therein was placed from clear recollection on that office desk the night before a journey. A week later, I got a call that it had been found in the garden that I had not passed through for close to a week before my journey.

Then, it had rained for most of that week, but the wallet was dry having been picked up that morning by a jogger who happened to spot it on her way out for morning exercises. I find myself caught in another debate of the ridiculous. I guess the wallet just thought it was stuffy in the apartment and decided to step out for a walk, then could not find its way back home.

The obsession proposition

Much as one attempts to be unbothered by the minutiae of the hows and whys of what people do out of commission, omission, absentmindedness, carefulness, or carelessness, all of that never really matters if it is not noticed. My inordinate attention to detail that has found the trenchant criticism of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), is simply a need to maintain some order amid many other chaotic things totally out of one’s control.

You wonder, why people change things that have always worked for something that they have not had the opportunity to assess the efficacy of. The seemingly immediate advantage is lost to the long-term inconvenience that could exacerbate the annoyance of others.

Patterns are distorted as your record of how things were is displaced and influenced by thinking, events, or people working from a different perspective and have an inclination to tend to an alternate frame of reference. We all suffer from the inability to be inclusive of all the parameters that could make for a perfect setting.

Leave things where they were, be inquisitive but resist interference, consider the quirks of others which are quite different from their faults, and know when to accommodate rather than repudiate. The subtle traversal of advice to correction lies in the deft art of communication. For all times, know the clock should never be wrong.

These are the little foxes that ruin the vineyard in bloom. [BibleHub: Song of Solomon 2:15]

May I suggest blogging is easy?

Words always flow

A thought springs to mind, you reach for your laptop and flip open the lid with the confidence and purpose to write something. In the process you get distracted, a YouTube notification on your mobile phone and you are watching a performance that brings tears to your eyes.

You were thinking of writing a blog that you never even had any concept of how it would turn out and now, the trick you used to play of just typing and hoping the words come as you type is not working.

Bludgeon the block

Something suggests you have Writer’s Block, but chance would be a fine thing, because a block is more topical than incidental. I aver that it is when you have an intention that you suddenly cannot act on, that is a block.

In other cases, practise with thought processes allows you to write something, the quality of which might be questionable, and yet its beauty of expression is interesting as craftsmanship speaks for itself to the admirer and the critic alike.

Then if one were to close a blog as one were having a conversation following the basics of what a personal blog entails of how you feel, what you see, and how you are affected, you already have enough paragraphs for another blog. Then conclude with a full stop.

Essential Snobbery 101: Time is about you and how you respect others

Time for peace of mind

Last Thursday, I had a hospital appointment for 9:45 AM, in my planning the day before, I had determined that it was best to get the bus and at least 3 buses plied the route to the destination for a journey that would have taken 30 minutes.

Then accounting for reaching the intended department in the hospital complex, I gave about 15 minutes, especially if I could not get good directions or got lost along the way.

This meant I had to leave home at the very latest time of 9:00 AM with a 2-minute walk to the bus stop. I had a friend offer to accompany me to the hospital understanding the kind of discussion I was about to have, but their sense of timing was impaired by a personal emergency, he was not going to make it for my proposed departure time.

Time to ease the pressure

There are reasons why I keep time and many times my patience is tested by those whose concept of time suffers deficiencies of exactitude and timeliness, it is a fluid construct of happenstance dictated by quality of discipline and the aggrandizement of lassitude. Yet, for many reasons, these transgressions can be forgiven.

When it comes to hospital appointments, getting there with enough time to settle down before being called for initial observation before consultation is paramount. In circumstances where I have cut it too fine, my blood pressure has risen in consonance with the stress of not giving myself enough breathing space.

As I did not know what checks would be done, waiting for my companion was out of the question even as that presence would have been a source of support. When attending to medical matters, it is essential that you do not feel alone in that setting.

Time is respect and consideration

My attention to time is not just in this area, it pertains to appointments, schedules, travel, social events and much else. Time gives you a datum of measurement to allow disparate situations and people to align, when it is handled with levity, not only is it unfortunately a sign of disrespect, it gives little consideration to how others use their time.

To some, being fashionably late is a sign of status, I usually have 15 minutes to spare to allow for hinderances to being informed of why another is late, after which, I might well go and do something else. Heck! I have walked away from interviews because the interviewer has been badly behaved on keeping time.

My thinking, if you would waste the time of a stranger interested in working for you, what more would you do when they are contracted or employed? End the whiff of disrespect before it takes root. There might be an apology and an adjustment after, but that is not what I live for.

Time is first about you and then others, it is a paraphrase of loving your neighbour as yourself. Sometimes, I prefer others to choose the time, I’ll be there, I wonder what explanation you’ll have for not making it at the time you chose to meet.

Between haughty Hillsong and bounty biltong

Giving thanks but no thanks

It was with great anticipation that we decided to choose Hillsong Church as the place to attend to give thanks and praise for triumphing over situations and circumstances that had befallen us for the last couple of years.

From a natural perspective, many things seemed insurmountable but providence and good fortune even with limited resources gave such an opportunity for celebration and we were excited about it.

We arrived at the church in Century City, just outside Cape Town and followed the crowd into the building. An usher was closing access to the first entrance to the hall we got to until I said we were first-time visitors. We were allowed into the darkish hall with bright lights on the stage as the praise and worship session was about to begin.

We found seats, squeezed between people who appeared to want to be elsewhere as we joined in congregational worship, and we just went with the flow. Once everything was done, we left as we came, unnoticed, unengaged, and quite unwelcome too. We were blessed but did not have the feeling that we would return.

Surely welcoming is standard church practice

Cape Town is an international tourist destination; we usually attend St George’s Cathedral when in Cape Town and we have always felt welcome. One would expect as with church traditions we have witnessed in many places that there is an acknowledgement of visitors to the fellowship with an opportunity provided to meet up with new faces, presenting the church as a welcoming and open community.

We found it quite strange that at no time during the 11:00 AM service we attended at Hillsong that visitors were welcomed or acknowledged. The church was just busy, too busy being church and probably feeling too full to notice anyone attending for the first time. My partner felt that the worship leading had become a self-absorbed performance to entertain us, it was lots of activity accomplishing little.

Maybe it was an oversight as it did bother me, I volunteer as a steward in my local church in Manchester, we welcome people as they come in, the clergy acknowledges visitors during the service, and everyone is invited for refreshments at the end of the service. We are a community regardless of when you come or where you come from.

Writing to the blind and deaf

I decided to write to the church about our visit and the atmosphere we encountered, apart from a boilerplate response, no one acknowledged or replied from the church. Seeing that the pastors of that church had gone on to lead the global fellowship. A few days later, I forwarded my original email to the main church in Australia, another boilerplate response without acknowledgement or reply.

Even for a business, basic standards of professionalism would suggest a basic response for emails sent on the 25^th of June and then on the 3^rd of July, the substantive elements of our experience and observations might be dealt with later.

It is not a scandal, we eventually concluded Hillsong had decided we did not matter, and we could not have been so uniquely affected, we were random worshippers who thought there was a prospect of adding a Pentecostal flair to our Anglican devotion in fellowshipping with the Hillsong community. We can however conclude there are more issues in that family than meets the eye.

Biltong engagement was much better

In comparison to the biltong shop that used to be in the Time Out Market that moved into a vending van at the other side of the Watershed at the Victoria & Alfred Waterfront, even after almost 2 years of last patronising them.

The different vendors that manned the van on the separate days that we bought biltong were enterprising, engaging, welcoming, friendly, and inspiring of the desire to return. It is quite bizarre that I am comparing Hillsong to biltong, much was desired of the former, but we found a better relationship with the latter.

Everything is about establishing connections for human relationships, if a church cannot effectively do that, it has by all terms lost its purpose. In my email, I did suggest that we were not trying to change any Hillsong traditions, just highlighting something that could be useful.

My experience with Hillsong London was different, but that was 11 years ago before the scandals happened. I have written a bit about those issues before, my feeling is things have not changed, a window dressing does not a shop make.

Blog - Thought Picnic: Where Everybody Shares Your Pain (August 2013)

Blog - Hillsnog: How the scandals at Hillsong took root (September 2021)

Blog - The Hillsong controversy and resignation (April 2022)

Need not bother about a hat

Travelling lighter than usual

When I stepped out of my home with 3 suitcases and many other things just a day over 3 weeks ago, I had the feeling I had forgotten something, but had no time to think of what it might be.

There was an Uber cab waiting to convey me to the airport and for the strain of trying to travel light, which I rarely do even as I worked hard at accomplishing that goal with much sleeplessly tired effort, I had for my early flight not slept overnight.

Wherever I laid that hat

On getting to the airport, I retrieved a trolley with difficulty, had my suitcases loaded on and made for the terminal when I realised what I had forgotten my hat, my straw grass hat which works well for the summer days, though it might have been useless for the winter days of Cape Town.

What I could not decide on was whether I had left my hat on the rack at home or in the Uber cab. I had the good feeling it was at home, that in my apparent rush to leave at the witching hour of just after 3:00 AM, I had left home quite unusually without a head covering.

It could have bothered me if I did forget the hat in the cab, but it was one of those instances where I felt either way, I’ll deal with it when I get back. On occasion, I had the feeling to order a replacement because I got the hat about 7 years ago and it was ordered on Amazon from Germany. A voice whispered in me, not to jump to that conclusion.

It really did not matter

Having the choice of asking my house sitter to check and confirm whether my hat was on hat rack did occur to me, but I left it at that. I had another 7 or 8 hats in my baggage for my destination, the world was not going to end because of a straw hat.

When I returned last Tuesday, it was not the first thing I checked as that was not on my mind, one of my other hats was already adorning my bald head. As I took it off to hang on the hat rack, I noticed the straw hat. It was at home, all along.

It is funny how the foregoing might have served as an introduction to a piece about how we bother ourselves about little things and overcompensate to remediate for certain failings or inadequacies. In fact, I did see a few straw hats in Cape Town, I just ignored the draw to try any of them on. I was having a good time and that is all that mattered.

Men's things - XII

Gathering my thoughts

There is much to write about, the last couple of weeks, the continuation of my experience with Men’s things, the change of government in the UK, and the glorious two weeks I got to spend with Brian in the city we both love, Cape Town.

This blog however will be dedicated to the issue of Men’s things as my appreciation of the situation has both been given a sense of triumphalism borne of faith as much as putting into a hermetically sealed containment the foreboding and fear that greets cancer invading your body.

What I was not meant to see

Poring over and through the NHS app, there was a cache of documents that contained what I would think were exchanges about discovery and diagnosis between medical personnel that the uncurious would probably never have accessed.

I open each of the recently uploaded documents. While the indiscretion of the medical establishment meant I learnt of a diagnosis of adenocarcinoma of the prostate before I was officially informed, when I eventually met the urology consultant who also conducted the biopsy of my prostate gland, I was left with the impression that things need to be done. Still, I had time to consider the options and probabilities.

Blog - The note that crept in

Yet, appointments and engagements were coming in thick and fast despite my having intimated I was going away on holiday for just over two weeks. Within two days I had a phone call to set up an appointment at The Christie Hospital and by the time I got home in the evening, there was a letter confirming the appointment in my mailbox.

The word they never spoke

There was an inordinate urgency to the activities that concerned me. The cache of documents contained one word no one spoke to me, and I think out of some bedside manner of reducing the sense of alarm at relating their discovery to me. I was left reeling halfway through my holiday when I saw the word malignant, and there is nothing benign about it.

Today, I attended my first appointment at The Christie Hospital to discuss one of the treatment options with a consultant who would perform a Robot-Assisted Laparoscopic Prostatectomy (RALP), if I should choose that pathway after a further meeting about the radiotherapy option which I currently have quite limited information about.

The consultant was in no doubt about malignancy in the intermediate range with good outcomes even as the possible complications after a robotic procedure do not present a pleasant consideration in the immediate to near term.

The core consideration with trenchant immunosuppression is this needs to be dealt with sooner rather than later. A lifesaving matter for which one might be persuaded to pay less attention to masculinity, manliness, or virility for the sake of living.

Phew! That was daunting

His patter was confident, experienced, and competent with every indication that he plans to save the vicissitudes of the plumbing and mechanisms of that environment, but only after he has had the opportunity to look in there. It was daunting as much as it was interesting. He answered my questions in detail and addressed my concerns frankly.

Obviously, I still need to review everything I was told to understand what it entails; whether I am prepared for this ordeal and what it portends. Whilst understanding the seriousness of the condition I also believe that there is every possibility I do not have to go under the knife but have a medically confirmed miracle of healing.

What is critical is for all I have learnt about prostate cancer, I do not choose anything out of fear, anxiety, or the pressure to act. I need to keep my faith and belief strong; focused on the process and outcomes desired. It is the only mindset that guarantees that whatever happens, I will look back on this with a great testimony and a better story. By His stripes, I am healed. [BibleHub: Matthew 8:17, Isaiah 53:5, 1 Peter 2:24]

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Blog - Men's things - XI

The UK: Show the Tories the door

An utter disservice to democracy

Before I went away, I had applied for a postal ballot knowing I would not be in the country when the UK General Election takes place. Sadly, our council in its lethargy and lack of alacrity must have thought all applications for a postal ballot were from those who out of some sort of incapacity could not make it to the polling station.

Despite the fact that my application went in the day after the election was announced and I posted the additional information they asked for a few days later, the postal ballots were not posted until the third week of June, by which time it was too late.

What I even found more annoying was, I was already on the voters’ register for 10 years at the same address. I unfailingly renew my registration every year, and I received a voter’s registration card which I used for the local elections in early May. Another card was mailed to me for this election if I were to choose to vote in person, but my postal ballot was nowhere to be found.

I can only wonder about the many Greater Manchester voters that have been so poorly served by the electoral services unit with regards to postal ballots.

On balance, 14 years of failure

If there is anything to consider about the last 14 years of the Conservatives in power, I reckon we are at a net negative if a balance sheet were set out about the benefits and the demerits of having that party preside over our dear country of many nations.

When I returned to the UK in late 2012, I was a European citizen who had spent over 12 years in the Netherlands with untrammelled rights of a European freely able to visit, live, and work in one of 28 countries, if I chose to. If I was gifted with any sense of prognostication, I could have naturalised as a Dutch citizen any time from 2005, but I never thought the UK would risk leaving the EU, we were too invested in the project.

I was wrong, as in the 5 Prime Ministers that the Tories have given us since 2010, each in their own way has gambled with livelihoods for personal and partisan expediency to the detriment of the fortunes of our country. There is no need to rehash the points, we are much worse off, where a parliament that is self-servingly incapable of the kind of collegiate thought to progress anything.

Having lost a sense of responsibility

The entrenchment of the entitlement to power has become so ingrained that the facts of the situation mean nothing if we can be scared into believing the populist simple solutions for practically difficult problems.

The Tories need some time in opposition to regain a sense of what the responsibility of governing and impacting positively on people’s lives beyond culture wars and pandering to the basest of our human instincts. The idea that a limited company masquerading as a party with the face of an indolent representative who has the gift of the gab and nothing else to offer, being our future is a fantasy begging for the unfortunate.

The best option for government today is the Labour Party, if only for the fact that they would appreciate the opportunity to govern and do much more to attend to the atrocities passing for policy that the Tories have enmeshed themselves in without the quality of scrutiny necessary among them and beyond to jettison the bizarre and refine the barely acceptable.

A possible future in our votes

The Labour Party offers a new direction that will address many of the issues of today, it is change-focused, future-looking, ready to grow and invest in our economy, seeking to divest power from central government, helping people back to work, addressing the immigration issue that has been lost by the Tories, and introducing the modern industrial strategy. Their manifesto reads like something to have expectations for rather than one that offers trepidation and fear.

The polls will suggest Sir Keir Starmer will be kissing the hand of the king on the 5^th of July 2024. I enjoyed some years of Labour-driven prosperity from 1997 to 2000 before I emigrated to the Netherlands, and this prosperous spell continued until the financial crash.

It is evident that after so long in power the Tories are bereft of new or useful ideas, they cannot even look on their record of the past 14 years which have given us some of the worst Prime Ministers to ever preside over His or Her Majesty’s Government.

I appreciate some are too tribal to vote for another party, but the future of our country is at stake, we cannot sacrifice this to sentiment when competence is required. I would rather have a boring competent and disciplined government than an entertaining relatable but totally incompetent politician run the show. It is not pot luck, lives are impacted beyond your door.

Men's things - XI

Generational medicine involves talking

It is one of those unspoken things that even became the butt of a joke and some rather frank talk, though, I am not laughing now. Along the way, I have not acknowledged certain conditions that have appeared in the family, that medicine would consider factors indicative of a predilection to that condition.

This area of generational medical history is somewhat more developed in female medicine, like if breast cancer has been diagnosed in one member of the family with any degree of consanguinity, other females are advised to undergo tests and attend to a regular monitoring of their health to catch issues early. Some females even take radical precautionary measures if genetics suggest a susceptibility.

Reluctantly, it was during an eye test a few years ago that I volunteered the information that someone else in the family had glaucoma. I did not and do not, but that information alone meant from that time on, my eye tests were free on the NHS. When the patriarch did attribute certain chronic health issues to the prostate, I found myself dismissing the concern as that of a hypochondriac. [Refer to the first sentence of this blog, for the context.]

The cancer you can see

Prostate cancer is now an issue to deal with but differently from when I first had cancer some 15 years ago. Then with Kaposi’s sarcoma, I saw it appearing for almost a year like the slight irritation of Athlete’s foot that did not respond to any fungal treatments and then a discolouration that I ignored even as others where noticing that my health was beginning to deteriorate. I just put a brave face on things and continued as I always did.

Then, it became a painful weeping sore, at which point, it is was stupidity that took hold, I could weather this problem, I thought. Just bandage up the foot and walk, it was bearable enough until it became unbearable. When I finally went to see my doctor, if there was any alarm in her voice, she was as measured as she could be, as she said, “This is serious, I need to refer you.”

She probably had seen many presentations of late cases like mine before, her urgency coupled with care and understanding without any judgement, condescension, or condemnation was very helpful in accepting the seriousness of my condition. I could feel the cancer, I could see it too, it was utterly dreadful and thankfully something could be done about it.

Appreciating the graveness of my condition was exemplified in the statement of my consultant, just two weeks later. “We can treat this,” he said, “but it depends on how your body can take the treatment.” He continued. “If you can tolerate the treatment, you’ll be fine, if not, you probably have five weeks.” Five weeks! Life could have ended before the end of 2009.

A different prospect presents

With prostate cancer, everything is internal, the biopsies would suggest cancer has been detected very early and again something can be done about it. Apart from the results of the Prostate-Specific Antigen (PSA) test that led to the Digital Rectal Examination (DRE) suggesting an enlarged prostate and so, a multiparametric Magnetic Resonance Imaging (mpMRI) scan, and consequently an ultrasound-guided transperineal prostate biopsy, these are all internal medical indicators, I feel fine and well.

The weight of this situation is inferred in many other ways, as being added to the National Cancer Registry with a diagnosis and the initial prospect of treatment options that on the face of it have no particularly pleasant outcomes.

The invisibility of this invasion on my particularities and what might portend has me in a dalliance of disbelief and anxiety. I am steeling myself, not with substance abuse, but with the encouragement of the Word of God.

It is probably a kind of delayed shock too; I am here with my partner, and it is difficult to bring up the subject in the first instance and then begin to assess the situation. Yet, we must face up to what we intend the outcomes to be, first with myself and then together. It feels like we are hardly anywhere there.

Why I am writing about this

Any health condition is difficult to talk or write about, especially among men and even more so when it comes to men’s things. Black men are too macho for such talk.

I took the PSA test as an add-on blood test in trying to address an anaemic situation that I had tracked through two previous sets of results that were indicative of a deficiency in vitamin B12, iron, or folate (vitamin B9).

Years ago, I had folic acid deficiency anaemia and knowing that it is essential in binding other vital vitamins and minerals for good health, I wanted my doctor to address it, this has given rise to a series of Men’s things blogs.

One alarming statistic is, 1 in 4 black men will get prostate cancer in their lifetime. [Prostate Cancer UK], I don’t know if 1 in 100 or even 1 in 1,000 black men get the basic PSA test to forestall any indication of prostate activity for medical intervention. I reproduce the information from the Prostate Cancer UK website below:

You may also be more likely to get prostate cancer as a Black man if:

• you are aged 45 or over – and your risk increases as you get older
• your father or brother has had it
• your mother or sister has had breast cancer.

As for my journey, I already have a diagnosis and will avail myself of all medical expertise available strengthened by faith whatever the situation. We never quit living and living well.

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Blog - Men's things - X

Thought Picnic: Phantoms, realities, or truths

Hitting turbulence and getting bruised

Presented with a situation, a study of your reaction may determine so many things and the eventual outcomes. What the five senses perceive will suggest our grounded and lifelong taught appreciation of our reality.

Yet, that reality might not be the truth, because everything we need to know and understand about the situation may not have been fully reconciled. We battle, in an instant with current information that sends our thoughts racing haywire, like hitting severe turbulence without being strapped in your seat.

How can we have our seat belts of life fastened at all times so that regardless of the turbulences we encounter in our varied journeys, we are unperturbed and unbothered, but steadfast and sure that a momentary or extended unsettling experience will not be definitive of our report?

Reining in turbulent thoughts

It is quite a saving grace that we are the only witnesses to the things that go on in our heads. The questions, even the equations, along with the evaluations, and absurd calculations could render you impotent. [BibleHub: Matthew 6:31]

We can choose to be stricken with fear and submit to the turmoil that surrounds us in helplessness and torment or be strengthened with faith that what we perceive is temporal because we are grounded by God's own perspective of the situation revealed to us. [BibleHub: 1 John 4:18, 2 Corinthians 4:18]

We are too used to close shaves, daring escapes, and heaving that sigh of relief, as objects of fate and occasional good fortune rather than as believing expositors of calling our world into being. [BibleHub: Ephesians 2:12, Hebrews 11:3]

I sometimes wonder if I have ever truly believed for the things I have desired. My instant reaction, like I had before I wrote this blog and later realised was a phantom because the process of reconciliation of accounts had not been completed would suggest otherwise. [BibleHub: Mark 11:24]

From the turbulent to the triumphant

Learning to recalibrate my frame of reference through the renewing of my mind is sometimes the hardest personal pursuit as it involves unlearning practice, tradition, credo, culture, habit, and things once held true. It is a process of transformation that leads to a place of peace in the spirit, rest in the mind, and health in the body. [BibleHub: Romans 12:2]

I intend to win at this and win triumphantly, it is a matter of life and death, let God be true and every man, no matter the news, verdict, or opinions they bring, be a liar. [BibleHub: 2 Corinthians 2:14, Romans 3:4]