Photons on the Prostate - XV

The need for quality support

When it comes to talking about cancer, I have had the best support from a Cancer Support Nurse Consultant (CSNC) recommended through support services with my place of work. We have scheduled monthly meetings where for sometimes more than an hour we can address all my concerns and issues around dealing with cancer.

Our first meeting which was via Microsoft Teams, and I insisted on an audiovisual engagement rather than plain audio, we talked for about two hours, and it involved giving her a full background on the process to the discovery of cancer and attendant issues.

Macmillan Cancer Support, the Christie Hospital, and my GP have been supportive but what I needed most of all was someone ready to spend time listening, understanding, appreciating, and recommending how to navigate a cancer diagnosis through treatment and recuperation.

I dare say my engagement with Prostate Cancer UK was a distraction. I was well on the way to having active treatment based on the diagnosis of malignant prostate cancer, but they thought I should delay treatment for active surveillance. While anyone would prefer not to endure surgery or radiotherapy, I could not postpone treatment for the comfort of normalcy while cancer was having a gnaw at my prostate gland.

The usefulness of helpful advice

My CSNC is a registered nurse and quite knowledgeable about many of the elements around pelvic area cancers. Most of the progressive solutions I have had to manage the symptoms and side effects along with after-treatment conditions have come through our conversations. Everyone else was just at the end of a telephone, she was there to be seen and heard. It made a whole lot of difference.

In our last meeting we talked about emerging symptoms and side effects with bowel functions. The literature suggested with radiotherapy, people have more issues with the bowel than the urinary or sexual functions. I however had serious urinary problems that I hardly noticed if bowel movements were regular and working as expected.

She then suggested the documented side effects are not essentially a textbook expectation, that side effects can occur at any time during and after treatment in no particular order along with the fact that for some people, they might not experience some side effects at all.

Some outstanding concerns to address

I was recommended to keep a diary of nutrition and excretion patterns, noting the regularity of movements to find what might be the issue beyond the healing process from radiotherapy. While my energy levels are improving, I still find that I tire easily, my need to use the conveniences intervenes with my comfort, and I need to sit down after walks.

Much as I want to believe I am doing well; I am still not where I need to be. I must consider if a phased return to regular activities is needed. That conversation can wait until late in January. What I must do now is relax, rest, recuperate, and recover. Manage the symptoms and side effects as best I can while celebrating the gift of life.

Blog - Photons on the Prostate - XIV

Blog - Men's things - Prostate Cancer blogs

Gosh! I'm giving writing advice

Maybe I can write

I inadvertently found myself giving some advice on writing the other day on my way to the hospital. I get commended more for my ability to write even if I rarely appreciate the talent I am supposed to have in expressing myself in words.

Then, after over 20 years of blogging, I might have earned a basic status from the act of practice, called experience that may help others along the way. I know there is no formula to it, but we tend to stress ourselves so much that we are left incapable of doing what we hope to do.

How I tend to write

Putting my views into basic tips, it can all boil down to the following:

• Writer's block happens to everyone, you're overthinking the piece like counting your chicks before they are hatched, and that’s why it seems quite hard to start.
• Discipline yourself to just start writing and the rest would flow. You can review it later to make the adjustments, clarifications, and editing later. And much later after it has been published.
• I have rarely written a blog the way I originally imagined it would turn out. In most cases, I have just a word or a phrase, I develop it like a seed and water it with words that follow.
• Trust the process, trust your skill, start the journey and follow the route wherever it takes you to any amazing destination you get to.
• You can abandon something for a while until the framework or ideas reform into something you can use. Do not beat yourself up for that.
• Only what you publish gets read, what is left in draft form is like opening a restaurant but serving no customers.

This may only work for some; you eventually emerge with your own way and style of writing that you begin to type, and your new tapestry of ideas begins to unfold. However, what you must never do is stymie or kill the urge to write. Your story matters, you never know who will benefit from your experience.

Another booster on good advice

Walk-in somewhere far away

I had been receiving a notification for over a month that I should consider getting the Spring COVID-19 booster as I am understood to have a weakened immune system.

For the previous boosters, I have just had to walk up to the offices beside the Central Library, hardly 5 minutes away to get my jab. However, on receiving the notice, I found there were no walk-in vaccine centres in the city centre, the nearest was just over one and half miles away.

Besides the option to walk-in, these centres only had specific days of the week that they offered the jab, most of them somewhat inconvenient besides the fact that you probably want to get it over with than wait until the weekend. The whole concept of walking-in which one would think allows for an unscheduled and impromptu visit was somewhat defeated because the freedom to attend was curtailed by the restricted scheduling to see patients.

Get out there and get it

I was prompted to do something when at the weekend, I received a letter, and this was quite apart from the many SMS text messages that had been ringing on my mobile phone. The last day for receiving the Spring booster was the 30^th of June after which one will have to wait until the autumn season.

It could have been ignored, but every once in a while, I hear of someone contracting COVID with a varied spectrum of severity of symptoms. If the number of people who tested positive in the week including the 3^rd of June is 4,331 and deaths for the week including the 22^nd of May is 231, according to the government website. COVID remains a threat, even if it is not in the news and well-considered precautions remain sensible and necessary. In my region, for the recorded period, there have been an increase in deaths by 5 to 33 and hospital admissions down 29 to 277.

I take advice seriously

I use medical consultancy services and follow the advice I am given by my doctors after my concerns have been addressed and my questions answered. They know we all have access to reams of Internet information from which genuine or absurd inquiry might arise and I take into full consideration much of the information necessary to achieve the best patient outcomes for myself.

I have stuck with the mRNA vaccines which are the Pfizer and Moderna products and so far, I have had 2 main Pfizer jabs, then a Pfizer booster, a Moderna booster, and the last 2 were the Pfizer booster with modifications for COVID variants, it is now 6 injections since February 2021. Some might advice you do not need the booster, but they are not experts in the field, just people informed by sentiment or misinformation.

It was about a 40-munite walk to the chemist this morning, I stated my intent, and I was seen to after 10 minutes, the jab was from such a tiny hypodermic needle, you hardly felt it. As long as I was feeling fine, I did not have to wait the regulatory 15 minutes for observation.

Keep with the experts

What I find bizarre is the number of conspiracy theorists who are against vaccination regimes not out of producing data that meets the test of scientific and informed rigour, much as their arguments seem persuasive, I would rather listen to scientists, vaccinologists, or epidemiologists speak than people with political or social media platforms without the essential tutelage of expertise and knowledge.

It is just absurd to pitch an influencer against an expert in a field for purpose of debate on an area of specialisation that is certified beyond enthusiastic dilettantism. Yet, this is what we see nowadays, and I present the tweet I posted earlier today for your reflection.

The absurdity of having an expert debate a conspiracy theorist is so totally exemplified in this cartoon where a random passenger in flight says, "These smug pilots have lost touch with regular passengers like us. Who thinks I should fly the plane?"
Like seriously? Hands raised? pic.twitter.com/bDqtEwRNyN

— Akin Akíntáyọ̀ 🏳️‍🌈 #European (@forakin) June 19, 2023

Thought Picnic: We are not as connected as we think we are

The tears for fears

It was a strange feeling of regret and partly self-pity that one would not normally admit to when I went through a list of 15 job roles that I somehow felt I could not apply for. This, for all sorts of reasons as I felt the warmth of tears welling up around my eyes. It has been a long while since I have cried for myself and I do wonder if there is any relief in it.

The fact is and I would point it out in its own paragraph, people are a lot more vulnerable than they say or present, they are not as alright as they seem, they are not as happy and cheerful as they appear, and they need a lot more than just checking up on to ascertain how they are.

Out-of-date interventions

Yet, it is the assumptions that people make about others that I can be painfully aware of, that torches with flames of anguish or something like it. When I think of the other day and there are many to consider, the day some prayers were prayed that I thought could have been so useful, so many months before they seemed desperate and even out-of-date for the suffering that has been endured, it leaves a sense of abandonment and unease, that one should do the best not to attend to.

The other other (written for effect) day was another who called to determine how one was getting on and the core of his advice was I should not lose my confidence. Heck! I could have done with that kind of encouragement six or months ago, how do you light a fire in ashes already dampened in a storm? Still, from the ashes, the phoenix rises or something to that effect.

These totally out-of-date interventions may seem productive but that touch at the heart of another reality, that we are not as connected with our friends and family as we assume we are. There is an unquantifiable distance in what we think are thriving relationships for which familiarity has replaced discerning and discernment to elicit the full truth. Maybe I help myself better through what I write for my speech has the sophistication of concealment that is both trained and curtailed.

How I feel lost

There are days I am probably entirely myself, as many consciences are quickly salved with the rudimentary as one battles with an Esau complex, wherein has one served up birthright for a pot of soup? The judgement on him was tough even as he did prosper in a way. One is left wondering about the vicissitudes of life, maybe a time to reflect in Ecclesiastes. Even the comfort I seek therein seems to elude me.

I often get asked that question that probably a sense of pride promptly denies, it does loom about and I refuse to countenance it, I refuse to give it any rein, which does not mean it doesn’t yap at my heels, every now and again. I want to believe and at the same time one is losing grip, there is apparently so much love out there as I wrestle in my mind about things present, things existential, and things beyond, that sleep will not repair.

As one would expect, there is someone somewhere who would read this and genuflect to feigned apoplexy with the opinion, “It seems he is giving up and losing hope.” Thank you for your very genuine concern, after that, what has changed? 

The battle is always in our minds, in our heads, in our dreams, and sometimes interfered with by reality, but it is one we dare to fight to win, and, on this score, I will wipe away the tears and look up because it is not over until it is done.

Thought Picnic: The whip that stole a father's confidence

Differentiating the import

Until the time I realised that my father’s word was not an order, a command, an instruction, or even advice that I was duty-bound to follow to the letter with all submissive obedience along with fear and loathing, our relationship was defined by what I saw him do to others and how he treated them.

Today, I consider his views an opinion limited by his perspective of things to which I have the full volition to entertain or discard, albeit respectfully and with a clear understanding that the decisions I make are my own responsibility and no one else’s.

Big brother and little sister

No relationship with another was more impactful to how I saw my father than the one he had with his youngest sister who came to live with us in Jos in the early 1970s. Obviously, my father was the king of his entire, his word was law, and there were standards of behaviour and conduct expected of his wards, the breach of which attracted the severest sanctions.

My aunt had an independent, if not adventurously wayward streak, and one day she tattooed her thigh using the alkaline sap of a fresh cashew nut. When my father saw this indelible adornment, he unleashed his fury on her with such a fiery vehemence in his room. Having her lie forward at an angle, feet on the dresser and hands on the floor, he horsewhipped her mercilessly. I hope I have been a better big brother and I have had some regrettable failings.

A matter of consequence

Her cries and howling could not be assuaged as he locked his door that no one could entreat him to have any leniency. Whilst I did not see her bruised body after that ordeal, there was no imagining what happened in that room and that crystallised my view as a 7-year-old that my father could be implacably cruel at the meting out punishment. In essence, he was unapproachable, and I could not have him in confidence about anything, even the things that mattered. I rarely faced that wrath, but what we had as father and son, into my twenties, was full of the foreboding of wrath.

Invariably, anything I could do to escape his ambit of influence, I probably did, until I left Nigeria. Now, we do not have that fearful relationship, but that lasting effect of that event is I engage on my own terms and at my own convenience. I probably will be quite sorry and regretful if he predeceases me, I guess we unwittingly laid the ground for the fraught because we lacked the anticipation of consequence.

Do well to all

Then by extension, much as I love to be treated with courtesy, respect, and dignity, I also watch how those who make allowances for me deal with others because it is not a singular thing but a broader expression of character and integrity that regardless of status, position, means, ability, standing, or representation, everyone deserves to be treated respectfully, fairly and justly.

I do observe how people interact with others and if they deal badly with others, there is the possibility that a confluence of events might create the opportunity to do the same to you. If you cannot call them out for correction, you want to give them a wide berth before their odium becomes the perfume you are forced to sniff.

We should be anything be character schizophrenics, having many faces to different people, allowing a sense of superciliousness or superiority to get the better of us, because there might just be someone thereabouts ready to give you your just deserts when you need them most. If you can’t be nice, be good, or just hold your peace in neutrality that your offence is not reckoned in the book of Karma.

Blog - Childhood: My aunts saw red

With A Little Help From My Friends

We are rarely alone

We sometimes forget that we could do with a little help, some advice, direction, or guidance. Having found a sense of independence with the resolution that we can have made it on our own, we face problems and issues alone, taking on the world with muscle, exerting strength we never knew we had with capacity that has never been used before.

Again, we should be careful that we have come to believe that we can tackle similar problems we have solved before presented in another setting, at another time, involving other people. We fall into the crude situation of taking a hammer to every problem that appears to be a nail, when the circumstance requires another tool like a screwdriver for a screw, a scalpel to remove a split, a spoon for soup that will not do for a steak.

Understand your situation

Consequentially, we must recognise the situation and the approach, significantly, we fail ourselves when we reject good offers to fight for us, especially from those who can represent interests so unconditionally with passion, sentiment, love, and devotion. Friends and parents along with stranger angels fall into that category, you never know, but it is wise to be open to the possibility.

They can plead your cause in ways you can never do yourself, especially where you are in trouble, have a knotty situation dealing with impossible or difficult people, they can do mitigation to ameliorate amazingly, and they could easily forfeit for shutting them out. If you share a problem, at least, make allowances for more engagement and input that sympathy and platitudes.

Bring on the guns

Let them, especially when your parents or friends are involved put the fear of God in your apparent nemesis, intractable people, or hindrances to your purpose that whoever or whatever gives you grief will not want to revisit another conversation with them. It also presents an escalation opportunity because you do not know what other strings they can pull beyond the constraints of your situation.

If their intervention does not yield the required result, often, you get a better reason for why things are stuck. Avoid as much as you can the incipient infirmity, ignorance, arrogance, or pride of fight alone when there is a cavalry mounted to charge for your cause.

Thought Picnic: We lose when we have none to question us

Who can speak to you?

I think of this a lot, the danger of primacy, the curse of being at the pinnacle of power and authority with a court, courtiers, or acolytes who pledge fealty and extraordinarily little truthfulness and honestly.

More and more, I realise than a man needs to be answerable to another man, it behoves us to surround ourselves with people who can challenge us, question our motives, withstand our opinions and persuade us of alternatives in direction and decision. At the very least, if we are not to be dissuaded, we should be able to defend our positions with conviction, courage, and truth.

No place is lonelier than to be where you are out of the reach of checks and balances. Where reality is bent to your will and none that see you can say what needs to be said to bring a sense of reflection and ground one in the incontrovertible essences of existence, that power is transient, life is not immortal, and deeds with their consequences are rarely forgotten.

Honest counsel is more than gold

Through history into the present day, you wonder what better decisions to change the course of history might have been visited if kings and queens long gone were better advised, generals and leaders did not rule with terror and an iron fist that even the truth was trammelled and out of reach in their counsel and counselling, if my own father was subject to the scrutiny of some of decisions and actions.

Yes, these thoughts occupy my mind when it comes to myself, the things I have done that with better insight and advice with counsel, direction and mentoring might have saved me from the foolishness and stupidity of my ways. Yes, much as it can be bruising, I desire friends and partners that will be honest and unrelenting in their engagement to make a better person. I will deploy my wiles and caprices, but they can and do put a mirror up before me that I can see myself clearly.

Seek to listen to glisten

We would normally say, we are our own greatest critic, that is good, but have people around you who can critique rather than criticise, who can appreciate with all its caveats, yet not excoriate. We need iron to sharpen iron, the forge to heat the iron, the anvil to shape the iron, none of which in its processing is easy work, but the result is a fine tool or instrument for the task in hand.

I know I have such friends; I ensure that my ears are not clogged with earwax so I can hear and listen, understand and comprehend, working towards a better representation of myself. I hope also that I am equipped, courageous, able and persuaded to offer the same to help my friends be the best they can ever be, either in giving them the assurance they need or the persuasion that is required. 

The consequence of weight on the weight of consequence

Big Bertha puffed and panted quite indeed,
She leant as her walking feet disagreed,
Her hand to shelf and trolley did exceed,
The moderate quotas we accede.

With myself I always plead,
Don’t give in to that sprite of greed,
That makes you chomp and overfeed,
On things you never really need.

For Bertha could have one-time heed,
The helpful hints to follow the creed,
That if you ran that your soles did bleed
You’ll never be a poet’s seed.

Then so to us that would be freed,
From old-age labours that impede,
Should we become a sporty breed,
And there a healthy life to lead.

This was inspired by my seeing a lady who could be much less a burden of herself but filled her trolley with biscuits she did not need and so the result of her tired and heavy breathing, panting like she was going to pass out, leaning heavily on her trolley and almost praying for dear life.

In that, I saw a lesson for myself, in that, I like rich foods, but have cut down on sugar which I no more have in either tea or coffee, my doughnut cravings are reduced to probably one every two months, I rarely have fizzy soft drinks and would rather make milkshakes at home from fruits and nuts.

I don’t do as much exercise as I should, but I do a lot more walking if all I have to walk is less than 3 miles and I know my way. I am concerned about my weight and my body, and some of what my circumstances are helping keep that in check. Too many of us are piling on weight we could do without and it strains the heart and lungs whilst being stressful on the knees.

I am the last one to give health and fitness advice, but I see enough people suffering quite visibly because of what they are carrying in weight, it is an uncomfortable issue that needs some frank and honest discussion.

Security consultant might just be a guard

Seeking and loathing

On one of the dating app haunts that I sometimes ply, I came upon an elaborate profile in general terms, but something stood out that I decided not to ignore.

The young man had stated that he was a security consultant with a major bank. Now, having seen thousands of profiles, some angry, some demure, many empty and quite a few demonstrative of angst, insecurities, inadequacies and dare I say prejudices, I have been tempted to write a guide to useful dating profiles.

Then again, it is not like I have been entirely successful in my quest for companionship through dating apps or websites. However, what you do see on my profile in the main will be what you get. I rarely mince words and sometimes my old-fashioned self, requiring correctness, politeness, comportment and much else gets in the way of simple engagement.

Can we talk for a minute?

Yet, I thought to engage this young fellow to illustrate a looming risk in telling strangers on dating sites such unnecessary detail as to whether you own your homes, have a car, have the greatest job on earth and other puffery that is of no particular relevance than a possible endangerment.

I started with ‘Let me humour you …’, to have a high profile job at your age must be commended, however, in putting it out there, you create a vulnerability profile around yourself that can be exploited by nefarious people or organisations. Whilst they might not come for you, they can go for close contacts around you besides the possibility of you being a Trojan horse into your banking organisation.

Just over an hour after I sent the message, I got the response, “Try and social engineer me, just try.” The young fellow had missed the point. And so I responded.

Missing the point entirely

Social engineering is passé and that is mostly for low hanging fruit. As a security consultant, you have access and knowledge that ordinary users will not have. You have a nickname you have used on this site that will probably be the same on others.

Your picture appears here and simple Internet tools can be used to match your picture possibly to an identity on Facebook or LinkedIn and after that, they only have to build a vulnerability profile that they can exploit without you knowing that you are being stalked online.

In closing, I said, “We technical people have to be careful that either our of carelessness or hubris, we expose our organisations to more harm than we are willing to admit our acts of wilful stupidity cause.”

Unlearning arrogance

I was blocked. Blocked probably because he thought I was attacking him or he felt that he was too good to be taking advice on issues where he is supposed to be the expert.

A simple example of the silliness of putting such a risk intensive role online in forums like a dating site is for someone to go around saying they are secret agents. Others would either go for the agent or go for people around that agent to gain access acquaintances to whom some connection can compromise the resolve of the agent.

Then again, there is a know-it-all syndrome that I have observed amongst certain young people who have created an incapacity to learn or be advised, they are single-mindedly impervious to any instruction and rapidly chart a course to perdition.

Probably maybe

An alternative response would have been to acknowledge that there was a point being made borne of other experiences and that could be used to improve oneself. It is a question of attitude.

Suffice it say that the said nickname appeared on other sites, but for the fact that one, I have nothing to prove and two, I am not malevolent. It would have been an interesting exercise to create the profile I told him of and send it to him, but honestly, it would have been a waste of time in any case.

When I relayed the tale to a friend, he suggested the fellow might have been in security as a security guard. Not once did I contemn him, but his reaction belies that great possibility, he has keys to doors and not keys to data.

Essential Snobbery 101: To reach and to retch

Friends frightened

Sometimes, a good telling off will not eventually end up with smiles or friendship in the future, and this is what I meet each morning on the train: the stony-faced silence of people I have upbraided for bad behaviour in a public place.

Some have been subjects of my Essential Snobbery 101 blogs, not only in the way I told them off for putting their fully shod feet on seats, but also for the way they responded and reacted to being told they were in the wrong.

The trains also have a way of bringing together a broad spectrum of society, from the well-groomed to the unsophisticated, all of whom one can find a means to engage and converse with; it is the downright dirty that leaves one literally weak and speechless.

Of the yuckiest sort

This morning, I sat across from such a person, as I was leafing through my issue of The Week magazine, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him stick a finger in his nose, bring out a string of the yuckiest colour of mucus and deposit it in his mouth.

I can only wonder why I was destined to be a witness to this nauseating spectacle, but there was more to the problem than I had to resist the urge to look again. He had a sniffling, running nose and nothing with which to blow his nose, so he devised this means of rubbing his nose with the sides of his forefinger and discreetly licking it off, like a cat grooming itself with its paw.

The only thing was, it was neither discreet nor surreptitious, and it makes you wonder about where the age-old parenting and community moderation breeding fell off the rails. Things like covering your mouth when you cough or yawn, sneezing into a handkerchief and well, not picking your nose – at least not in public.

Some good old advice

I guess many do subconsciously pick their noses and do nasty unprintable things with the stuff, and I am not against people doing what they are wont to away from the public glare, as it will cause no revulsion in others who are unequipped for the ultimate reaction to the revolting, which is reaching for a sick bag and retching uncontrollably until emesis creates a total evacuation of food seen again after mastication.

It makes one suggest that every man and boy, just as the girls and the ladies do, must never leave home without a handy pack of tissues for the emergency of blowing their noses.

Much as this matter called for an intervention, as I was quite ready to throw my pack of tissues onto the paper he was reading rather than politely offer him a sheet or two to blow his nose. It would have been almost too aggressive, but I cannot end up making so many enemies on the train just because I am being old-fashioned. The times have indeed changed. Good manners in public are too much of a rarity today.

Thought Picnic: These Foolish Things

The online memorial

Yesterday, as I am frequently reminded by Facebook and my email would have been the 72^nd birthday of a dear friend of mine who sadly died just before Christmas last year.

For the few friends who had a Facebook page before they died, I now find occasion to visit their pages on either their birthdays or the anniversary of their deaths to leave a bouquet of words of remembrance, of fondness and of that fact that I do miss their friendship and their presence in my life.

I remember John most fondly for being at the end of the line when I made those infrequent phone calls at times when I seemed to have a crisis of confidence in myself, my abilities or some purpose or goal I am trying to achieve.

A beacon in the dark

I could call on his wisdom and insight to give my clarity and direction, rarely by instruction, but by having me look into myself for the strength I have within or by counting my blessings, the blessings of the great and small victories I have had when I have pressed on with what I know to do.

He never once believed I was incapable of anything, must as he could be stern being once a schoolmaster, he was always encouraging, uplifting, advising, supporting and mentoring. He was a life-long teacher to whom I have referred many other friends who seem to have gotten something muddled up or confused in their lives.

He was generous with time, insight and resource to anyone who asked things of him without quibble and that is why he will always be sorely missed by those who knew him.

On some silly and serious things

I find that today I am bothered by many things, wondering what path to take, hoping to recreate that voice of John in my head to give me some guidance on how to project myself better, sell my skills better and even on the somewhat ordinary but significant issue of weight loss and body sculpting.

Even I wonder where all that came from, why I am getting into a situation where I am getting unhappy with how I look, where what my body is and what I want my body to look like is kilogrammes away from simply emptying my pocket?

You find yourself striving to gain some perspective before you begin to lose focus and along with the other things you have compartmentalised to avoid crowding out your sanity, you suddenly realise that it is the simple, silly and foolish things that remind you of who you miss and you smile at how different things might well be, even if they are not now.

These Foolish Things by Ella Fitzgerald.

Essential Snobbery 101: How not to seek advice

A sad reflection

The conversation I relayed below left me wondering about where things might have gone so horribly wrong in our society that we are bringing up such uncultured children.

I decided the blame lay first with the parents who are most probably my age mates and then with the educational system in the person in engaged in any at all, the society because it condones the proliferation of such attitudes and primarily with the person, due to circumstances I cannot begin to elicit.

I reproduce the conversation, properly punctuated, because that in itself is necessary for my blog; besides that, this is what transpired in a chat session that others have found to be useful and obtained quite useful advice from just by reason of noting my age and by extension, possibly my experience.

The exchange

Stranger: Can I have some advice?

[I first checked if this was the continuation of an old conversation, because it was almost too familiar; it was not, before I responded.]

Me: Hello. You accost strangers for advice without a greeting or an introduction? I don’t think so.

[Expressing incredulity and offering a typical street analogy in the hope that it might check something in his engagement.

Stranger: OK. I’m just a young lad who wanted help, but thanks.

[The thanks at the end here is not a substitute for good manners; in fact, it does not demonstrate any manners, but rather, it reads more like. Thanks, but no thanks.]

Me: Being young does not excuse bad manners.

Stranger: OK, Never mind. I just wanted help, because I was worried, but never mind, sorry to disturb you.

[Whilst he appears to have relapsed into the submissive, probably a cue and a hint for me to engage, I guess by now, we had literally lost each other. Opening the way for my final message.]

Me: You still don’t get it? Good night.

We both lost an opportunity

The conversation ended without me ever getting to help the young man, and I will probably never know what he contacted me for.

Much as it is probably evident from our short exchanges that the person probably needed help, there was nothing much I could do if we could not establish protocols of engagement, which, in my old-fashioned view of the world, are critical to communicating effectively.

Reading through, he was worried about something, which is why he wanted some help and so invariably sought my advice.

In my responses, I first tried to alert him to the fact that he was going about it the wrong way, then I reinforced that view with the use of the phrase ‘bad manners’ before I resigned, because there was nothing for me to build on.

What we tolerate

Maybe I could have been more patient and attempted to take the young man under my wing just to ensure he does not repeat the error elsewhere, but sadly, at the point in time, I left him as a lost cause. My inflexibility in terms of the need for good manners might have consigned me to a worse fate.

Yet, there is a possibility that I am the only one who noticed; others could have, in the spirit of the times, ignored the situation and gotten on with giving the advice, happy and honoured to be asked in the first place.

Then, before I get consumed in self-flagellation, just imagine what difference it would make to start a conversation in another way?

Stranger: Hello! Please, can I have some advice?

A lot of difference, I say, a world of difference, in fact. My attention undivided, my seriousness applied, my experience engaged, my humanity disposed to being every nice and good disposition I could muster, along with manners reciprocated with respect and consideration.

Allowances to the inflexible?

It bothers me that the quality of conversation and consideration that the ease of communication allows in text messages and social media allows us to dispense with the basic formalities, which still matter and are noticed if deployed.

In a short conversation with my dad using text messages yesterday, I noticed that I had lapsed in standards when, after my greeting and message, I forgot to sign off properly. It is something I immediately realised and was very ready to correct in my next message.

My father had initiated the conversation, and I responded. We both knew we were chatting to each other, yet I felt I had let myself down. At the same time, one must add tolerances and allowances to certain areas of inflexibility.

The accommodation of much beyond the narrow view of things, but at the end of the day, it will still bring us back to the second point I made. “Being young does not excuse bad manners.” No situation or circumstance, in need or in plenty, in pain or in peace, in youth or in elderliness, can excuse bad manners.

Thought Picnic: To the letter for the better

Getting the letter too right

If I am to access customer services anywhere, I take the time to find out what is expected of me to easily obtain the assistance or service I need.

There is nothing like having too much information at hand to help determine what you really want and in the same vein; it prevents the situation where they could persuade you into going for something else that does not suit your purposes.

When I went shopping for my high specification laptop that came with 4GB of RAM but had a capacity for 16GB, I had obtained the information for the 16GB option, bought the default configuration and upgraded the laptop at home; saving me, about £200 if I went for a laptop fully configured to me desired specification.

I visited the shop with 16 pages of information, and each sales pitch fell flat as I flipped page after page of my research stressing why I had made my decision and emphatically making it clear that I would not be swayed.

Showing the letter to fight

Today, I walked into the 3Three mobile telephony shop to remove the adult content filter on my phone. This is not to entertain bawdry activity but to take of restrictions where somewhat overzealous censors might have blocked innocuous websites.

Besides, I should not be embarrassed to visit websites of an adult nature, and I do not want the establishment to determine what I can or cannot view even if I do not end up viewing sites the sententious might presume will corrupt my morals.

3Three provides one of the following three ways of removing the adult filter.

1. A refundable credit card charge.
2. By visiting a 3Store with identification to verify age.
3. Over the phone by calling customer services and still having a credit card.

I chose to visit the store because that meant I could have questions answered along with all the assistance I require if there are issues.

I approached the counter and asked to enable Adult Content and the customer service agent said I should call Customer Services because the adult filter cannot be lifted in-store.

Giving the letter to sight

Patiently, I attempted to access a possible adult site and the filter warning came up with the instructions, the letter of which was clear, it can be done in-store and so I expect it to be done in-store until such a time when the advice on the 3Three website is removed.

Seeing that I had won the argument, the agent himself called Customer Services and went through the process that involved reading disjointed numbers off my SIM card, reciting my phone number like a mantra and though I am a good many years over 18, I still had to prove I was over 18.

Having things done to the letter can be pernickety but I will not be fobbed off by recalcitrance in the face of compelling information.

Seeing the letter of blight

As I left the store and got to the City of London, not too far from a church, a little inhabitant scurried into a cranny defying to the letter the metaphor of being as poor as church mouse, this mouse was probably too well fed to be swift on its feet.

Perish the thought that besides the vermin of banksters that roam the skyscraper sewers of the City of London gambling away our futures for bonuses today, we have the compounded infestation of vermin in subterranean sewers too.

In no way, have I found to love these scenarios to the letter without a fight for the right in the sight of blight.

Where is Dick Whittington and his cat to make history again?

Thought Picnic: In an unfamiliar world

Circumstances of uncertain futures

Certain circumstances bring you into environments of almost outer worldliness, ones that never seemed to appear on the radar of your future years long before those situations become your reality.

I probably have had my fair share of such introductions to being given a hand for all sorts of situations where you find yourself vulnerable most of which has been in just the last two years.

I could well remember my falling so ill in Berlin that at the check-in counter the personnel had to come round to place my luggage on the weighing machine and then call for a wheelchair service to take me from lounge to aircraft and I was met by a greeting service at my destination.

Using help in helplessness

That was the easiest of them all, when I lay sick in hospital, I had literally lost every assertiveness of ego to defer to almost anything that was told me, there were times a spark of the old self materialised and the nurse would marvel as to how much I seemed to understand what was going on even if I could hardly help myself.

From a point of fierce independence, I have had to rely on a lot more people and services, learning as I go along that to access certain entitlements, I need to accept certain indignities, most of all the loss of pride and that does hurt to varying degrees.

They appear to care

However, I cannot but accept the fact that many of those on the other end listening to my tales are genuinely interested, quite sympathetic and ready to help.

In the many cases where I have had no knowledge of the workings of the welfare state, I have been informed that much of what I have contributed in times before when I was in rude health and in what was a pinnacle of ability and earning power counts towards the basis for assistance in the leanest and most vulnerable times.

Somehow, the hurdles just seem to be higher and more difficult for those that have generally been independent and oblivious of how the system works.

Singling the Double-Dutch of the system

Today, it started with a group session of making sense of liabilities, getting documents in some particular order and then having the experts wade through the maze of bureaucratic snags that make an impossibility of the circumstances that brought us here in the first place.

Much as I followed the whole introduction in Dutch, those of us not fluent in the lingo were expected to bring our own interpreters; I was not able to book one and I still found the personnel amenable enough to converse in English and take me through the processes.

The checklist of documents required to populate the folder provided differed from the list that came with the letter of invitation, there is much filing to be done back home.

It was worthwhile

I also got caught in the minutiae of understand some basic Dutch words where I thought a replacement service was a disconnection service – it does not get any easier and it informs the fact that formal Dutch classes are mandatory the moment I get myself back on my feet, the rudimentary stuff I have is just too warped and built on shaky foundations to be of value.

What I would take away from this morning’s session is not entirely clear but as the sun shines brightly out there, there is the hope that some direction will be provided. At least, as I left, I was told of the possibilities out there that I might not have availed myself off, they will do some research and help get the issues on track – it looked like a productive morning.

Editorial: Delegating the advice of laughter

Delegated out of sight

When Rupert and James Murdoch appeared before the House of Commons Select Committee yesterday for all the commentary about how well they acquitted themselves with their responses, what stuck out for me was that the father and son were running a hydra-headed organisation over which they have decidedly delegated the minutiae whilst plotting the complex strategies for growing the News Corp. empire and the succession plan.

One honestly felt many of the questions that pertained to deplorable and atrocious phone-hacking scandal leading to the closure of the 168-year old News of the World newspaper tried to lay the responsibility at their feet but for the fact that it constituted 1% of the global conglomerate and hardly 250 of the total global staff of 53,000.

There was every likelihood that the people at the very top just left it run like clockwork in the background but the minuscule gangrenous social opprobrium of the offence with the societal revulsion that ensued took with it a good few senior heads in the News Corp. stable and the most senior police officers in the United Kingdom.

It shows how the delegation of power and responsibility in an organisation can introduce many layers of managerial structure that the essential oversight of making the vision, mission and principles of the leaders pervasive can lose its influence as they fall prey to being accused of neglect.

Many pools with few talents

Taking that template to another setting, one sees an unhealthy development within the bureaucracies of Nigerian governance. Besides the appointment of about 40 ministers at the federal level with the immediate assessment of the brains called to service suggesting only a handful have any prospect of performing, one is left crestfallen and forlorn about Nigeria daring to attain any of its potential over the next 4 years.

What is of even greater concern is the number of Special Assistants and Advisors that the president and the state governors are appointing to their mediaeval courts with interesting, overlapping and amusing titles, it is as if there is a person per thought that the conflict of ideas might well lead to lead to a mad house king oblivious of what to do to run the kingdom.

A comedy troupe

Nowhere is this big party at the public expense so exemplified than in Imo State where Rochas Okorocha as governor has appointed 15 Senior Special Assistants, 32 Special Assistants and 47 members of various committees to help in his government and this does not touch the matter of holders of portfolios – the commissioners.

It is one thing to be elected to office; there probably is need to payback those who helped by inviting their snouts to the trough, that extended relation that never could make it anywhere can muster all the mediocrity to satisfying some advisory role as long as he is out of earshot and why not invite whole families for the gubernatorial four year sleep-over?

If anyone thought this whole arrangement was a joke, Uche Ogbuagu, the Chief Comedian of the state might never live this down as the court jester but we are laughing at the governor.

Acknowledgements

Al Jazeera English offers a graphic of the Murdoch media empire, Reuters offers a sad analysis of Nigeria's dull cabinet reflecting a compromise culture giving serious cause for concern and the Imo State Blog brings to light the debutantes to the Court of Rochas I.

Nigeria: The Court of Goodluck I - Special Advisers

Don’t waste this mandate

Nigeria is an amazing place; it boasts many things that span the extremes of poverty and potential, merit and mediocrity, service and self-service.

As President Goodluck Jonathan begins to bed in as a substantive president of the country with his own mandate since every other substantive political post he has assumed has been by the accident of his predecessor’s misfortune, the last have succumbed to the scythe of the Grim Reaper, there have been great expectations of this man.

I have also been caught in the wave of this because the thinking was he not being of the typical garrulous, mendacious, megalomaniacal, Machiavellian and rent-seeking political class presented the possible shift in Nigerian political values and direction.

As ones patience is reaching exhaustion one somehow has to retain the semblance of the benefit of the doubt that this man embodies positive change for Nigeria in the four years he has been given to be at the helm of Nigeria’s political hierarchy.

How special is advice?

He has now been engaged in the process of building a team to help dispatch his duties and one does wonder if the whole process has not been overrun with political machinations and the pretentions to change that on closer scrutiny looks phoney at best.

Besides the screening of ministers that number over two score to help in the delegation of executive function and power, he has appointed Special Advisers with titles that make the names of Snow White’s seven dwarves seem like a serious rocket-science exercise.

Looking at the list of special adviser roles, it is important to comment on what they might mean and if any of the roles inspire any confidence in Nigerians hoping for meaningful change from this regime.

Special Adviser on propaganda

Special Adviser to the President on NEPAD (The New Partnership for Africa's Development), much as there is a need for focus on Africa’s development, there are issues with what developmental process the president advocates for Nigeria beyond seemingly vacuous words.

Special Adviser to the President on Research and Strategy, it remains to be seen if this is really about objective technocracy or propaganda, I will plumb for the latter because the man in this role; Oronto Douglas runs the social media persona of the president which takes the art of obsequiousness to a level exacerbating violent emesis.

Special Adviser to the President on Energy; any Nigerian would hope that the person in this role has some good short-, middle- and long-term ideas that can be realised in tackling the energy issues of Nigeria from the good management of our mineral resources to the harnessing of natural sources of energy for the development of our infrastructure.

Phoney Adviser of ethics

Special Adviser to the President on Social Development; on does wonder exactly where this fits, for human rights, education, health, security, safety, equality of opportunity, social mobility and many other things that would give Nigerians the pride of existence and nationhood.

Sarah Jibril, the lady who earned one singular vote in the ruling party presidential primaries now has the role of Special Adviser to the President on Ethics and Values. This sound laudable and noble as it is pretentious. Cynically, one would easily think this is advise on what the president might get away with as opposed to raising the standard of government and governance to deal with corruption and the way audited sources of income allows for thieves to hold sway in the corridors of power and escape justice with impunity – Honestly, one is not impressed.

Special Adviser to the President on National Assembly Matters; that is the snake-pit of Nigerian politics and the excess that Nigeria can hardly afford where those who have a duty to moderate executive power whilst promulgating legislation appear to have their snouts super-glued to the trough of Nigeria wealth that there is no time to them to sniff the air of reason – this job is probably important and it needs someone knowledgeable in the witchcraft of our obscure legislative system to wave the wand of getting things done in an affordable and hopefully an altruistic way.

Special Adviser on clueless antics

Special Adviser to the President on Niger Delta Affairs, this matter is well beyond advisory to one needing effective and useful action, the past few regimes have shown themselves clueless with militancy taking the spoils of amnesty whilst the people themselves still wallow in deprivation with the militants and terrorists pretending to represent their people.

Special Adviser to the President on International Relations; much as we need someone in this role, the greater example will be in running the country well. Special Adviser to the President on Special Duties; it would appear this would be the person to project the office and influence of the president in some as yet undefined assignment, they somehow seem to rise to command the influence of chief adviser.

Rueben Abati, the erstwhile Head of the editorial board of the Guardian Newspaper becomes the Special Adviser to the President on Media and Publicity, this in my view overlaps with that of Research and Strategy, that makes two propaganda demons ready to wage war on the sensibilities of Nigerians – we would not be assimilated into that quagmire, if we can help it.

Special Adviser on the interesting

Special Adviser to the President on Gender Issues; this will be a tough task, be it that of the emancipation of women, the matter of infant and maternal mortality, genital mutilation, domestic violence, childhood marriage, primary healthcare delivery from immunization to the rights of women in conservative regions that subjugate them on the premise of religious adherence and obligations and it should also address the matter of minority groups – this would be an uphill battle with societal norms, religion, traditions, customs and a stridently patriarchal system of power that we have acquiesced to without debate.

Special Adviser to the President on Technical Matters; how that would keep the next satellite launch from falling out of orbit remains to be seen as it could overlap with matters that concern infrastructure, power, effective transport, the proper documentation of government material for adherence to the Freedom of Act as well the effective adoption of Information Technology services in government.

Special Adviser to the President on Political Matters (Office of the Vice President); Special Adviser to the President on Legal Matters (Office of the Vice President) and Special Adviser to the President for Special Duties (Office of the Vice President), the need of all these seemingly duplicated posts albeit in the office of the Vice President would be an interesting recipe for political intrigue.

Can we afford this?

The president cannot in and of himself be the sole repository of ability and drive to run the country but there must be a basic quality of leadership and nous to do the job with the advisors in some case just helping to fine-tune the ideas and reframe them into working and implementable policies – you have to wonder what is the validator of good advice over sycophantic subservience to the president.

It is arguable whether the executive arm of government does really need all these advisers who must find the ear of the President to dispense advice that might be useless, accepted or ignored. Where the roles overlap, the people might be seeking to curry favour as those in the court of the President play factions against each other with glee.

The Psalmist talked of the noisome pestilence, you can imagine how fatigued the President can become with the paralysis of analysis and the deluge of advice that he has no time to think through one set of ideas before they are overtaken with new ones for political expedience.

Many are called

Ultimately, running the Nigerian ship of state is not easy task but it begs the question whether Nigeria really can afford this model of democracy that appears to convert every principal piece on a chessboard into a pawn aspiring to promotion that will never materialise as the President surrounds himself with enough cannon fodder that he can so easily insulate himself from opprobrium and responsibility.

I fear that some of these activities all seems like quid pro quo for assuming office than one that engenders confidence in the possibility of a changed Nigeria, I must however give the President the benefit of the doubt much as I am quite unpersuaded of that result, I can handle pleasant surprise.

The least we can do is welcome the Court of Goodluck I and his courtiers of lords, chiefs, elders, thieves, sycophants, advisors - Nigerians all, proud to serve and be served.

Source of news story

234Next.com - Jonathan to swear in special advisers today

The detail of the special advisers was excerpted from a news article on 234Next.com, I uncharacteristically forgot to reference it in my original publication of this blog and I apologise.