This extraordinarily amazing woman of Ejigbo community

 A life quite interesting

There is one person I do not sing enough praises of, a kind of strangeness and then familiarity that seems to escape the purview of acknowledgement of humanity, service, motherhood, tenacity and all-round extraordinary. A prophet that is somewhat without honour in their own land.

There are stories we have heard that could be hair-raising, a childhood that seem to offer opportunity but was suffused with such guardian cruelty, yet against such no malice is borne. I watched how distraught they became when that guardian passed on and the final rites were missed by an hour.

In tribulation triumphant

Dockets of tales in a matrimony that seemed to all perfect whilst it was any but, the witnesses of tension and worse that dotted occasions of détente never so sure to survive a season, the spouse pretending to fidelity rarely not there, but we do believe the best of everyone.

In offspring sometimes affected, tainted, or traumatised by that environment, there remained such support hardly appreciated or understood, a dogged focus on protecting the brood and shaping destinies in ways sometimes unintended, yet fundamentally consequential. Here is a masterful ability quite unheralded.

Exceptionally gifted to lift

A person who has charted courses less travelled to become a symbol of relevance that set them out as one to be chosen to pioneer a project of investing in young lives to build a future. The project was tough and arduous, yet adept with skills to manage and marshal, in the pit of the fire and the cold workface, hands were calloused, and faces blackened with soot, but gems were mined that have appreciated in value year on year.

And this is not a culmination, but a journey that overnight a pilgrimage was embarked on fully sponsored by the former uncut rough diamonds whose horizons were not that clear but were given the prospect of a world beyond their locality. They have in this day become persons of means and influence, extending the hand of their mentor into places of power and significance.

Dams of gratitude bursting walls

They return season after season to that anvil of life where they were forged and moulded into implements of change and the chief blacksmith invited time and again to inspect the workmanship of exquisite and priceless provenance wrought in that forge. The power of gratitude flows like brooks into streams, into rivers, into seas and waters that lap lands all over the world.

It is in this that our person is celebrated; Mrs A. J. Akintayo, daughter, lady, woman, teacher, wife, mother, administrator, principal, businesswoman, prophetess, leader, fighter, voice, pilgrim and this list is hardly exhaustive. I salute you, enjoy your trip of a lifetime and there are more to come. You shine and we are exceedingly proud of you.

With the Class of '85 of the then Ejigbo Community High School on the 27th of July 2021
You can laugh this well if you have made lives so good. My mother is in the middle.

The presentation made by the Class of '85
to my mother as the pioneer principal of the then
Ejigbo Community High School that was founded in 1977. 

Thought Picnic: These Foolish Things

The online memorial

Yesterday, as I am frequently reminded by Facebook and my email would have been the 72^nd birthday of a dear friend of mine who sadly died just before Christmas last year.

For the few friends who had a Facebook page before they died, I now find occasion to visit their pages on either their birthdays or the anniversary of their deaths to leave a bouquet of words of remembrance, of fondness and of that fact that I do miss their friendship and their presence in my life.

I remember John most fondly for being at the end of the line when I made those infrequent phone calls at times when I seemed to have a crisis of confidence in myself, my abilities or some purpose or goal I am trying to achieve.

A beacon in the dark

I could call on his wisdom and insight to give my clarity and direction, rarely by instruction, but by having me look into myself for the strength I have within or by counting my blessings, the blessings of the great and small victories I have had when I have pressed on with what I know to do.

He never once believed I was incapable of anything, must as he could be stern being once a schoolmaster, he was always encouraging, uplifting, advising, supporting and mentoring. He was a life-long teacher to whom I have referred many other friends who seem to have gotten something muddled up or confused in their lives.

He was generous with time, insight and resource to anyone who asked things of him without quibble and that is why he will always be sorely missed by those who knew him.

On some silly and serious things

I find that today I am bothered by many things, wondering what path to take, hoping to recreate that voice of John in my head to give me some guidance on how to project myself better, sell my skills better and even on the somewhat ordinary but significant issue of weight loss and body sculpting.

Even I wonder where all that came from, why I am getting into a situation where I am getting unhappy with how I look, where what my body is and what I want my body to look like is kilogrammes away from simply emptying my pocket?

You find yourself striving to gain some perspective before you begin to lose focus and along with the other things you have compartmentalised to avoid crowding out your sanity, you suddenly realise that it is the simple, silly and foolish things that remind you of who you miss and you smile at how different things might well be, even if they are not now.

These Foolish Things by Ella Fitzgerald.

John Coll: Friend, Mentor, Gentleman

Borne by email

It is with great poignancy that it was by email that I got information about an event in the life of the person who gave me my first real email address just over 20 years ago.

It was an unusual friendship that started with my answering a job advert in the Pink Paper for a role I was not qualified for, nor was I looking for favours, but it launched me on a very successful career in Information Technology, something I can never ever be fully grateful for.

Unlike any other employer, John Coll did not dismiss my application and my CV by chucking it in the bin, he called me and proceeding to offer advice.

Knowing John

Then he invested 3 hours of his precious time in knocking my CV into shape, a CV he said appeared to have everything but said nothing. He was thorough and disciplined like an old schoolmaster that he was, in just over 3 months I landed my first job outside the public sector and the rest is history.

John became the man I could go to when I was suffering a crisis in confidence, a career crossroad or even issues of life and relationships, he had done it all.

At Connection Software, his drive and his ideas with his team of amazing young minds led in ground-breaking mobile software solutions long before the internet was big or mobiles were everyday products, he just had that foresight.

A little known fact, he was a pioneer in the personal computer industry having helped write the functional description of the BBC Computer and then the BBC Microcomputer User Guide.

BBC Micro people in 2008" by Jem Stone from Chailey
BBC Micro. The people that made it happen. 
Licensed under CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons

The man, I knew

As a man, he gave so many support, opportunity, advice and encouragement, he mentored, he uncled, he fostered, he befriended, he encouraged, he was a life-long enthusiastic teacher who always had a great sense of fun.

When I last spoke to him, he did say he did not have another year left, I listened to how he had planned for things to continue after he had gone and had planned with my best friend to pay him a visit one long weekend I was in London.

Alas! That was not to be, John passed away just two days to Christmas and it was through an email that I learnt of his passing.

Thank you, John

There is not enough space for me to express my thankfulness for knowing John Coll, how he like a big brother always had my back, especially when I was at my lowest point. He was ready and generous with time and resources even before I asked, he was there.

I will remember John the most for his zest for life, his amazing unretiring self that even into his 70s he was a technology buff as good as any, his homeliness and desire to give others opportunity and vision beyond our limits.

He was forthright and funny, a great friend, a sure mentor, an example to living life sensibly and fully, a confidante, a supporter and a fine gentleman. Two years ago, I wrote an email to 6 friends I expected to be my pallbearers, one has gone.

Dear John Coll, thank you, you’ll be sorely missed and may your honest, gentle, loving and wonderful soul rest in peace. Goodbye John (1943 -2014).

Thought Picnic: The hold of that thing that brings grief

The man

It is with sadness that one reports the news that a respected guiding light and a father figure, someone who had assumed a fatherly influence over others finds himself sent to jail [1] for 8 months for offences of the flesh.

Before I begin to sound sanctimonious, it is important to address some serious matters that people in similar circumstances will do well to take heed off.

The said religious leader who has a very respectable following as well as the commendation of his peers that he sits on boards of their organisations in the UK and abroad has lived with that thing that he has battled with years.

The struggle

He might have hoped to insulate himself by aversion therapy by being married, having children and building an institution that thrives on the promotion of family values and some apparently succeed.

It however does not mean that thing is in volcanology terms extinct, in his case, it was dormant and occasion presented itself for the mountain to rumble, maybe the earth did move and one cannot say for sure if the volcano itself did become active, but you do get the idea that I do not have to develop the analogy any further before this blog needs to be rated.

A volcano remains a volcano whatever state it might be in, one might expect over time certain circumstances might allow for the awesomeness of the volcano to exhibit itself.

It would appear that the man succumbed at various times to his weakness and might have by reason of his office and leadership imposed himself on others who could not effectively resist his advances and he sought his inordinate pleasures.

The abuses

Now, there is nothing wrong with adults seeking the pleasure and company of each other for sexual satisfaction, it is then a matter of consent and willingness – we should not as adults be ashamed to be engaged in things that adults do consensually amongst themselves, that is why we are adults.

Adults however have responsibilities, they have authority, they could be role models and they might be looked upon for guidance by trusting non-adults.

In this case, an adolescent was fondled and it appears that experience completely traumatised him that it seemed to affect many productive spheres of his young life.

In the other case, a man though under the authority of this man appears to have been persistently inappropriately touched in what was a classic situation of a breach of trust.

It would appear the man had form since there were eight allegations in all and not all those affected were persuaded enough to give their statements to the police.

That thing

It goes without saying that “that thing” despite the case of being violated carries a stigma in a community that is willingly illiberal, stridently intolerant and scripturally schooled in vile homophobia.

The fact is people do struggle with their sexuality and many more than we all care to acknowledge, some suppress their urges but my volcanology analogy should be kept in mind; some find some expression for it living double lives on the “down-low”; others embrace their lot and get on with their lives; that is a fact of life.

What cannot be condoned and hence making this sad story a case of justice is where people try to find expression secretly by the abuse of minors and hope that the weight of their office will keep the act concealed.

Who we are

There is in fact no substitute to just being who you are, accepting who you are and dealing with it; a failure to accept who you are would almost always bring you to grief with grave and possibly shameful consequences.

What could have been could have been different – it does not make the ministry of the man to the time of his accusation any less valid and of value to those who enjoyed his spiritual guidance and tutelage.

At the end of this sorry saga, a man of God is first a man with all his weaknesses then of God seeking strength to help manage his frailties.

It would be a test of Christian love for the church to help rehabilitate the victims and be ready to welcome back their leader when his time is done; that test, many a church has failed.

The hold of “that thing” continues to have its hold and it does not necessarily have to be homosexuality, everyone has something that is “that thing” to them – we are only human.

Sources

[1] Evangelical pastor Odulele sentenced for sex offences - Channel 4 News

Other references

About Glory House

The UK: Child Sexual Abuse in Nigerian Communities

Thought Picnic: Debunking the myth of the man of God

Seize the day

It worked for them

I rarely read motivational books, I have always felt they were like snake oil remedies, people who might have found ways of making life work for thems who suddenly think their shoes will fit everyone else who tries them out and then readers would begin to walk the paths of success their motivational book mentors have charted.

Again, I have always been amused by amulet peddlers who have love potions, lucky charms, money spinning wheels and whatever incredible schemes, you never see them in contagious love, they are always down on their luck and if they could spin money the only positive end of that should be doling it out to charity to lift the ones who lack rather than looking for new ways to swindle the gullible.

Seize the day

In ways, I have charted my own way, learnt my own lessons, experienced my own life to the full and whatever regrets I have; they have become part of my own little narrative that confers a sense of uniqueness on my own tale.

Maybe, I heard this somewhere before, it might have come from the book of Proverbs something about seizing the day, the refusal to allow others create your agenda without consulting with you first and then trying to impose the situation on you.

Hear me out again

This morning I called my treatment advisor and remonstrated strongly about the course of treatment that had been left in limbo yesterday, the serology tests and results are indicative when compared to research findings that the intrusive procedure might not be necessary and an aggressive course of treatment should be commenced.

She probably did not understand me or comprehend my argument and premise the first time so she called again to fully understand what I was saying.

My medical history puts me in an at risk category, the less aggressive form of treatment could result in treatment failure that we might have to review in a year’s time when we could by the preponderance of statistical information of such situations address the matter with the accepted course of treatment that guarantees treatment success within 6 weeks.

It was now left to her to discuss this with my medical consultant and agree a comfortable set of choices I can subject myself to.

With me or no way

Meanwhile, the neurological department called and offered me two time slots demanding I attend tomorrow morning. Now, hardly 30 minutes before, I had been asked to standby for a major change taking place at work to allow for a colleague to attend hospital, I had agreed to that arrangement, I could not renege on that setup to the inconvenience of that carefully arranged schedule.

My work life gives me a sense of purpose just as my medical requirements allow for me to have the ability to fulfil my obligations – the medical condition is not life threatening but it needs attention, however, not of the urgency being urged on me.

The conversation with the neurology department went along the lines of the neurologist can only see me tomorrow and so I had to make the time to which I retorted, the neurologist should first consult me and we align our schedules to the convenience of both parties.

I was just not available

They were adamant but then if the patient is not available it would be interesting if they would send the police to come and get me; now that would be comical to the extreme; they just could not see me tomorrow and I made that quite clear – go back to the neurologist and let us plan a date for next week. My hospital is not a court, they should check my availability first.

They are probably not used to patients talking back, this patient is patient but not supine and it so transpired that they allowed themselves to appreciate my situation and we would now meet at 10:00AM on Monday morning, in fact, I was first asked to choose any time slot in the whole of next week but I deferred to their making that choice and I can make the necessary adjustments to my calendar.

First, it is my body

How is that for consideration, respect, resolution and basically not allowing yourself to be pushed over?

My medical consultant now has to be speak to a good few people and we just have to wait and see if I have to challenge the concert of medical opinion singing from the same sheet, knowing what is best for me despite the fact that it is first my body before it becomes a medical curiosity and if that is my last fight, it would have been well fought.

Professional reputations in a rotten job

False facts force fiddles

Angst is never an emotion or state of mind one finds oneself grappling with. In professional life, it rarely ever features, since I project myself as an expert and authority in the field where the knowledge goods find a market.

This really became a dilemma when I took on a short term contract to help sort out some problems which were affecting the technical relationship between my employer and their client.

It so transpires that over the last year, they had been discussing the execution of this project such that many questions were asked, some answers were given and we can agree that some of those answers would make a jury take a negative view of evidence before them.

Business lies

Basically, there were misrepresentations which lead to certain conclusions that formed the basis of executing the project.

Businesses embark on projects hopefully as a business improvement or enhancement exercise knowing that every eventual benefit might incur an initial cost in resources, time and money.

In this case, the client already had a ceiling of costs for a project which under nominal circumstances would have had an implementation floor well above the projected and agreed costs.

GF≠C is ideal

For some, that would be a bargain, but we all know that even if your service terms were Good, Fast and Cheap, juxtaposing them would provide different results.

+        Fast and Cheap is usually not Good (Bad)

+        Good and Fast is usually not Cheap (Ideal)

+        Good and Cheap is usually not Fast (Acceptable)

In this case, the project manager having presented the ideal plan had the Sales People pare it down to the acceptable and they all ended up with a bad agreement, I now have to square that up to the ideal.

With the wealth of knowledge and expertise I bring in as well as being a resource to execute the project, a lot can be done, but none of which does well to approach the fundamental implementation floor worthy of any recognition.

My role however was one of either trying to resolve the prevailing problems or a complete re-design of the project, the former had mileage, and the latter was long dead in water.

In resolving the problems, some radical action had to be taken which for posterity would have my name attached till when some sensible assessment of what went wrong initially and that is corrected.

Speak for me - forever

I could speak for myself whilst on the project and in the company, but once I leave, having done what the customer required though that requirement falls way below my professional judgment, it makes one wonder who would speak up for me when another expert reviews the project further down the line.

My concerns for that lead me to consider walking away from the project.

I sought succour from mentors and friends which simply confirmed the notion that it would always be my call.

Weighing the consequences of protecting my professional integrity or probably pride by walking away, or trying to make the best of a bad situation by making myself available as a resource to implement what the customer wants with the best expertise I could offer.

Just not on

In choosing the latter, I had already remonstrated about the issues that were raised in negotiating the terms of the project

+        from the false assertion that they had experts of my calibre who had executed the project not only badly but wrongly;

+        the apparent lack of candour where claim and counter-claim pervaded the atmosphere till the real truth emerged in a forum of all parties;

+        the quest to cover-up the mess by subterfuge rather than owning up to the mistakes made

Those amongst many other little but significant issues have been addressed and would need to be reviewed again as this project hopefully comes to a close.

Egg-spurt needs egg on face

The only annoying bit remains that the in-house expert who has expertly made a hash of this project has not accepted the folly of his actions enough to leave this to the hired expert to first resolve and then handover with the opportunity to learn.

For me, it is a humbling experience which in other circumstances would have seen my walk out, the risk of humiliation looms but is distant from the fact that they all well know that I kicked up a right old fuss.

Once again, I thank my mentors and friends for their advice, soothing words and useful guidance, they are friends, indeed.

This time has been instructive, the people quite challenging and the project, well definitely interesting. Go figure!