Tuesday, 4 February 2025

World Cancer Day 2025

Understanding a cancer diagnosis

For so long, I had viewed my story through the prism of my first encounter with cancer in 2009 and the gratitude with thankfulness for not only having survived but thrived when at the time of diagnosis research studies indicated my kind of situation rarely gave survivors another ten years.

This time last year, my request for a routine blood test began another journey to a new cancer diagnosis, over four months through tests and investigations, I learnt in June by an inadvertent medical disclosure of adenocarcinoma of the prostate.

Choosing and curating the people with whom to navigate the journey through the diagnosis and the treatment of cancer is a strange thing, people generally do not understand cancer and the way you present may not essentially indicate how seriously ill you are. Maybe, experience is the best teacher, if the observer is not self-absorbed. [World Cancer Day: What Is Cancer?]

Living a cancer reality

You take each day as it comes, the process of recovery after treatment is long and you can find yourself impatient when you realise you do not have the reserve of energy that deceptively comes in bursts and then deserts you literally abruptly.

Along the way, I have had such amazing support and understanding; the theme of World Cancer Day seeks to “create a world where we look beyond the disease and see the person before the patient.” In general, I have been seen and there are times I have wrestled with the experts to be seen, this has been encapsulated in the assertion that “It’s my body first before it’s your guinea pig.”

When I think of cancer, I think of many who have not been as fortunate, who suffered in ways impossible to articulate, then of those of us who have come out at the other end with our unique stories, and the united effort of medicine aggregating the body of knowledge acquired from all experiences to battle cancer to victory for our humanity.

More importantly, I focus on faith and hope, a future better than today where cancer is caught early and treatable. The best situation would be to avoid cancer completely. My advocacy is getting more black men to talk about Men’s things honestly, freely, confidently, and proactively for our lives and those we love. Here’s to World Cancer Day 2025.

Blog - Men's things - XXII

Monday, 3 February 2025

Sam: Most impactful in lowly endeavour

Beyond the strength we have

Understanding and appreciating frailty after illness or treatment for disease can be a difficult thing. We strive as much as possible to get back to normalcy even if our bodies suggest we are nowhere near the capacity for the abilities we once had.

The bodily stresses of fatigue, lethargy, weakness, or tiredness are signals requiring action from rest to additional medical attention towards some sort of resolution. The life and circumstances we live in harshly dictate the reality of there being no pills for the bills.

Even where we have a cushion of support to banish the concern of livelihood, we need some sort of activity to take our minds off infirmity and adversity. Having lived through this sort of thing, I am quite acquainted with the issues involved.

Escaping illness for work

Attending the office this morning, I was met with some rather sad news, the lady who maintains and cleans the office, with whom I have had a good rapport had passed on. I saw her barely 3 weeks ago, it was my first time back in the office since before I commenced radiotherapy in September.

We had a few conversations, a big catchup from the end of June when she had been in hospital for an extended period and though she was back at work, she looked rather gaunt and frail, we were both glad to see each other. It never occurred to me that it would be the last time.

The shock of learning of her demise was quite unsettling, someone would suggest she returned to work much earlier than necessary, but how do you gauge the right time to return to work if all your life you have espoused dignity in labour? Call some of us old-fashioned, we’d rather work than get by on handouts or welfare.

The value in everyone

For those who can game the system to exist in indolence, there can be no praise or adulation. I guess it belies the flaws in the system. To live a purposeful life is what matters. Sam, as I remember her was forthright, clear-minded, tough, and engaging. I remember my father not wanting me to converse with the help, but how could we be in proximity and not engage?

Sam’s work kept the office environment clean, conducive, clear, and comfortable. She was as much a member of our team as anyone else, if not one of the most important of us all for what she did, for without her contributions, no one would consider the office a place to work.

As I have always taken my time to chat to everyone most especially the cleaners, she would be sorely missed. May her gentle soul rest in peace. Her light has gone but her memory remains.

Wednesday, 29 January 2025

Somebody I used to know

Is that really me?

Yesterday brought some issues into stark relief as I attended a men’s group where a recording of an interview done some months before I commenced radiotherapy had ended up in a short documentary for the organisation.

Hearing my voice amplified and played back to my hearing still feels strange, there is a disembodied otherworldliness about it that leaves me uncomfortable. Having taken some readings at the cathedral, I am getting used to it, and it will only get better.

However, with my voice as it is today, the person I saw and heard looked like I was watching somebody that I used to know. There are differences I am working hard to bring back to who I once knew.

Managing the limits

For instance, I would have a brisk walk to the men’s group from my home in twenty or so minutes, that I was not even contemplating yesterday, I hopped on a bus for the three stops and on my way back, I did the same.

There is an urge to do a lot more, but I soon realise it tires me out quite easily, the occasions for rest are more frequent, and it could be a battle to concentrate. Yet, I do apply myself quite diligently to the tasks I set out to do from cooking to revising for a test among other essential activities.

No breaks in transmission

Earlier in the day before the men’s group, I was out to take a Microsoft certification test. I put in a good week of work on the material and in the process, I learnt quite a bit.

By Monday, I had done enough to tackle the challenge. Distractions impacted my ability to do a last revision overnight and from then, I decided not to bother myself any further with last dibs.

I passed the test and gained a new certification. There are vestiges of that person that I used to know that are still active. The temporary loss of strength and timbre in my voice does not indicate a loss of expression. I can be as forceful as I have always been.

After playing back the documentary, I was invited onto a panel to share views and opinions. Akin is still there, there is no break in transmission.

Tuesday, 21 January 2025

Barabbas trumpets a Golden Age

A day of two commemorations

Considering that I seem to observe events, it would have been remiss not to have noticed yesterday's activities; the unfortunate propinquity of Martin Luther King Jr. Day, and the inauguration of an American president. It was totally missable (a word rarely used) and redolent of something to be disregarded.

If anything, it was so totally predictable; someone undeserving of it was accorded the respect and courtesy of being peacefully handed the reins of power that he stroppily refused to do out of a total lack of decorum, at the last inauguration. I guess this already sets the tone for how this blog will go. [The Guardian: Trump says he won’t attend Biden’s inauguration]

The humour in a travesty

As the event would pervade the airwaves, it was impossible to ignore, I had a news blackout and decided anything about it was best viewed through the prism of how the night talk shows depict the events of the day. Like I have handled cancer with humour rather than despair, this was to be seen through the prism of humour before despondency sets in.

At the swearing-in, which was to be hand on the Bibles held by his spouse, at least two talk shows suggested, since the inauguration was moved indoors, the fire services had refused the bibles be touched by the president to avoid a conflagration of the Capitol. We could well assume either the person or the book would burst into flames if they came in contact. Outside, the freezing cold might have extinguished any point of ignition.

The silhouette figure of his spouse cum black chapeau with a wide brim created an air gap to the intended public intimacy between man and wife that did not escape the amusement of a global audience. Many other things were said that require no repetition. Barabbas of the modern age is quite different from the one gambled on by Pontius Pilate who only had a history, this one will have a future that many might view with trepidation.

Blog - Give us Barabbas!

Blog - It is well with my soul

Winding back a century in time?

The full personification of felonious Barabbas came with the pardons granted to the mobs involved in the invasion and insurrection at the Capitol on the 6th of January 2021.

A rash of Executive Orders followed, and a new era of American exceptionalism and isolationism has begun. Leaving the WHO and some predicated on the America First notion. Why it has not reversed straight into the Prohibition era of a century ago escapes me as that would be the Golden Age being sought before it was snatched away by the Great Depression. History will repeat itself as a risible farce and that is not a prophecy. [Wikipedia: Roaring Twenties] [The White House: Presidential Actions]

We shall not be moved

We in a broader sense would refuse to be affected or impacted by the expected dysfunction of that place, while adopting a perspective that should exhibit surprise and mirth. His predecessor bought himself a life of peaceful retirement without regret by the pre-emptive pardons of relations and others in the gunsights of a vengeful kakistocracy.

Lest anyone be deceived, the tech plutocrats of this incoming oligarchy had the front seats, this will not be the government of the people, for the people, by the people, but who wants to listen to the truth when the lies appeal so well to our basest instincts?

Life will go on; most of us survived the first time, as we, and Americans especially, forgot those who did not, because of the heartless incompetence of managing the global pandemic then. We have mostly climbed down the peak of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs towards its base; which is why every similitude of Barabbas in democracies worldwide is chosen over a better person. The day after is a time for reflection and anticipation.

Saturday, 18 January 2025

Insomnia!

My nightly pause from sleep

For distractions, I have to lose,
And the sleep I need to choose,
My medicaments could be to blame,
Or for another’s claim to fame,
I stir and toss alone in bed,
Not one news story left unread,
A nodding doze with utter dread,
Is not that thing I saw long dead?

The watch gives time that runs awry,
I look at time and want to try,
If slumber comes I need to sleep,
But not one eyelid gives a peep,
Then dawn does break upon my wake,
Now wearily my hand doth take,
The Sandman late though for my sake,
What have I done to keep awake?

Thursday, 16 January 2025

A benign review of a malignant past

The shifting feasts of consulting

This was my third outing of the week after church on Sunday and the office on Tuesday. I had a rescheduled appointment from December that I attended yesterday. It was my usual biannual checkup, which has shifted from the April/October cycle to a January/July cycle in three years.

Once I realised, I would not be able to attend the early December appointment because I would be out of the country, I called to postpone the appointment and reschedule it to mid-January. I ensure I never miss my hospital appointments or consultations as it deprives others of time and audience with scarce medical personnel.

A miscommunication between us some 18 months ago meant I never received my expected scheduling for May, and we fell into a June/December cycle that only happened once. Besides rescheduling, I was promptly given a prescription to make up for the additional time.

Let’s keep to what we discussed

For this consultation, I had a few issues to discuss, the main one being the unfortunate mismanagement of information that I should not have received until I had met the consultant involved in that area of investigation and diagnosis. The computerisation of personal medical records meant that a certain diagnosis ended up in my clinic notes that the person I met should have redacted before forwarding to my doctor and I.

Blog - The note that crept in

The sinking feeling of reading a diagnosis of adenocarcinoma of prostate over a week before my scheduled appointment with the consultant urologist was as earth-shattering as it was a humbling reminder of one’s mortality. When I remonstrated with the doctor, he offered to redact the diagnosis, but what good was bolting the doors after the horses had bolted?

Meeting with the chief consultant of the team that had assumed my care for over a decade and she for about 8 years, she immediately understood the issue.

She said she would raise an incident with the multidisciplinary teams to ensure that they are aware of what information gets passed to the patient; that it is centred on their particular consultations; and that the more interested patients can assess seemingly hidden interdepartmental communications to read the chatter pertaining to them.

A malignant test of the benign

For me, what I learnt was the difference between the definition of malignant to the layperson and the medical establishment. When I read malignant adenocarcinoma of the prostate in interdepartmental communications, I read it as a qualifier of the type of cancer, something rampaging and very likely to cause death.

To the medical eye, malignant always means cancer regardless of stage or metastasis. The absence of cancer in the presence of a growth or tumour will be considered benign. [Medical News Today: What are the different types of tumour?]

My consultant patiently explained the terms fully to enhance my understanding. Other issues in my notes were from the perspective of the person I saw. Any similarities would suggest a lazy engagement, as situations and circumstances do change between visits.

All good and nice

We discussed the readings of my blood tests, and the need for new assays, though this time without a urine sample and at the end of my allotted time with a medical student present, I was handed on to the phlebotomist who had no problem drawing three vials of blood before I was sent on my way to collect my renewed prescription and I made my way home.

In all, the consultation was pleasant, and the typical readings were within normal range, it is likely I have lost a centimetre in height, and the physiotherapy to address issues in my spine will not commence until all the other medical issues are resolved.

Wednesday, 15 January 2025

Celebrating a return from illness

Many happy returns

One of the hallmarks of recovery is the blessing of returning to doing the things you used to do. After my treatment for cancer in 2010 and the regaining of strength, I travelled from Amsterdam to Antwerp. It was my first international travel in over half a year; I used to travel internationally, at least once a month.

Illness comes with privations, first obviously with health and then another pressing issue is one of means, your resources seem to not stretch as much as they used to, whether you are earning or not. The way I view things, living is wonderful and living well comes with grace and favour, for which I give thanks and praise.

Daring for strength

While going to Cape Town in November looked like returning to normalcy after cancer treatment, I was far from able, I was quite frail. Embarking on a 22-hour journey from door to door in my condition was both determined and daring, however, it was for the care and support I needed in a time of vulnerability.

It was no holiday, and it did me much good. It was also a time to be with Brian, who doted over me at every step and cautioned me about trying to make a holiday of my recuperation, much as I desired not to have our time together left to the travails of just being nursed. It stretched our resources, but needs must.

The toll of return

I was last in the office the day before I commenced radiotherapy, as I left my workplace, I indicated I might be away for a while and did not know when I would be attending again. My return to the office last Wednesday was postponed to yesterday because of the inclement weather. We have a monthly gathering of Manchester-located members of my team who meet with the head honcho.

My managers were concerned about my facility, ability, and strength to attend, but I had missed my team, the last gathering I attended was in August.

I was up quite early and altered my route to avoid carrying my trolley case up and down steps. It was still dark when I left home, we are in the winter months, and I returned home in the dark too.

Striving over wilting

The day was successful, I had forms to fill in and return on my phased return to work. My voice was hardly in fine form, it exhibited tiredness and fatigue, but I never shirked from conversation or repartee. Everyone seemed pleased to see me, they came to my desk to ascertain how well I was doing, and every serious situation quickly dampened with humour.

By the middle of the day, I was beginning to wilt. Drinking decaffeinated tea is not an elixir by any stretch of the imagination; I just had to push through.

I was not inclined to engage in a harebrained scheme that involved messy activity, but it percolated in my absence as someone still wanted it realised. I gave my candid verdict, and a discussion tomorrow might help shape expectations.

Taking things easy

What yesterday taught me was that while I have every inclination to believe that I can fully return to work, the reality is that I need to pace myself as my strength and body are not yet operating at optimum capacity.

On getting home, I undressed and was already dozing off as I spoke to Brian about my day. I was exhausted, but for the day, I made great progress. I am grateful for that. As for my next return to the office, I cannot tell, it is working from home for the near future.