I was invited to give
a keynote address to the Federal Government College Odogbolu, Class of 98 on
the general topics of Alumni, Networking, Life and Purpose. After a few light
jokes on how I was surreptitiously co-opted into this activity, I began my
address.
This cohort of
successful people are entering middle-age, in mid-career, raising families and would
face challenges ahead, I suppose there was a view that I could share some of my
life experiences to help them avoid mid-life crises and attend to healthy life
choices.
It was an honour to
meet the Class of 98 and I wish them Godspeed.
My lead-in
FEGO Class of 98, you
graduated in the Silver Jubilee of the founding of your school, quite
auspicious.
My history with
Odogbolu is somewhat long and interesting. In January 1976, we were living in
Kaduna when my parents had this crazy idea of sending me to a secondary school to
be imbibed in Yoruba culture, close to where they were born, Ijesha-Ijebu.
Baptist Academy,
Mayflower School, Odogbolu Grammar School, Remo Secondary School (RSS), I can’t
remember the school I attended the common entrance examination for in Ibadan,
but did I have a life of privilege? I flew in from Kaduna, there was someone to
pick me up and take care of me for the duration of my visit.
I don’t know why I
was not put forward to any of the unity schools even though I realise there
were opportunities for those. I guess my primary school environment in Jos and
Kaduna was a disadvantage to my getting integrated into Nigeria. The schools were
international with a high percentage of Europeans, Chinese and Japanese, I
wasn’t really growing into a Nigerian per se.
Odogbolu Grammar
School and Remo Secondary School offered me admission, I took the latter
because the former’s campus bordered on a graveyard, I had the strangest things
happen to me at 10 and that was my decision.
Two years ago, my
nephew was admitted at the Federal Government College Odogbolu (FEGO) at the
age of 9, a year after, his brother with whom he shares the same birthday, but
two years apart joined him. They are probably the youngest of their year group
in the school; just as I was in primary school and then in secondary school.
I find it strange
that I am giving an address to an alumni association because, whilst I made a
few friends at RSS, my memories of the 5 years I spent there are not ones I
cherish that much. We had to be street smart even as we were different because
of our accents, we were bedwetters; then it was thought a weakness than
something psychological, there was the occasional bully and the use of
collective punishment was rife. Thankfully, the core of individuality,
inquisitiveness and lack of fear for the person could not be beaten out of
me.
Apart from on
Facebook, I have no enduring friends from RSS Class of 81, I met up with old
school mates from my primary school after 41 years in 2016, I still have
friends from Lacostech, YabaTech where no one believed I was 16 when I was
admitted and the Federal Polytechnic Ilaro, where on my first day there I met
up with a junior from secondary who was in his final year, whilst I was
starting afresh.
Have your purpose
Considering the good
fortune and opportunities I had from birth through secondary school, the 4
years after secondary school I was in two polytechnics and ended up with
nothing, my third trial as something in travail and raw experience had widened
my perspective to what I could achieve, I was no more haunted by my past or the
fear for the future, I just determined that by 35, I would be able to stand
with my peers unashamed of what I had done in my life. I began seeing good
results already at 24.
Do something radical
In 2000, just after
the Millennium bug issue, I was having problems getting a new job, I was
attending interviews, getting good reviews but not getting any offers. A mentor
advised me to chat to an occupational psychotherapist. He concluded I was
suffering a mid-life crisis 10 years early. His advice, consider a career
change, maybe go back to school, or even emigrate to another country.
I took the hint, started
looking for opportunities in Belgium, Germany and the Netherlands. Meanwhile, I
got a job in the UK and, on a day, off, I flew out to the Netherlands for an
interview, got that job and 13 years of life in Holland.
Have a plan, do
things in the interim, but don’t lose your focus and don’t be distracted.
Embrace youthful aspirations
When I was about to
buy an apartment in Amsterdam, the first thing I did was ask the estate agent
to feel my hands, she said, they are soft. Indeed, I retorted, I don’t do DIY,
I want a place I don’t need to do anything to and please complete the deal in 6
weeks. She did.
The couple I bought
my home from was in their mid-70s, they had lived in Eindhoven for 25 years,
they could easily have lived out the rest of their days there, but they bought
an apartment in Amsterdam off the plan and came to live in Amsterdam for almost
4 years. During which time, she became the chairman of the homeowners association.
Then they considered,
because of their age, they needed a place where they could have better care,
they sold up in Amsterdam for a healthy profit and bought a riverside
residential care apartment in Arnhem. I still always wish I can make decisions like
that whatever age I am.
Then, I have an uncle,
he was and still is the playful adult in my life, someone I can chat to about
anything. I can be utterly irreverent, but always respectful. He was one of the
foremost insurers in Nigeria, a fellow of the Chartered Institute of Insurers
and an examiner for the council.
In the space of a few
years, he lost his car a couple of times to armed robbers, so he decided to
move to the UK and is settled here. He called me one day and said he wanted to
go back to school to study Petroleum Engineering. I asked if he was going for a
master’s programme, he said he was applying for a bachelor’s degree.
Obviously, I thought
he was too distinguished for that somewhat lowly pursuit, but he expressed such
humility in his decision to pursue that endeavour.
He was already 60, he
tells me, the course was one of the hardest he ever attended. He had failed many
examinations in adolescent into adulthood that my father on returning from the
UK, promised him £10 if he passed. That £10 debt is still a running debt in our
conversations.
He stood out
throughout the course, the older man, wise from a world of experience in
C-suite jobs, students and faculty were always seeking his viewpoint on many
things. At graduation, he had been gravely ill and was recuperating. The
university arranged to pick him up from the hospital to attend his graduation. When
his name was called along with citations, he got a standing ovation.
Such can never
happen, if you are not ready to embrace your youth and youthful aspirations; do
something new, assess yourself against your aspirations rather than against
others, believe in yourself even if no other believes in you and never let your
failures in life define you today or in your future.
Recently, on the
radio I heard Isabelle Allende who was asked, “How do you fall in love at 76?”
She answered, “Like 26, only with a little more urgency.”
Identity is a construct
I have a keen sense
of my identity, I am an Englishman of Nigerian heritage. How I came to that
idea of who I am was when I lived in the Netherlands. I had to answer the
question of where I am originally from.
I was born in
England, I grew up in England and Nigeria, then lived in the Netherlands for
almost 13 years. Why am I not Nigerian? I was like everyone else until my
accent betrayed me. To so many, I was the child born abroad, I wasn’t entirely
accepted in Nigeria.
My mother tongue is
English, but my mother’s tongue is Yoruba – I am proud to say even as an Aje-butter,
I speak Yoruba to a very good standard, my Hausa, however, needs some work, I was
in the North only until 1977.
Identity is a
construct of influences, many good, some bad and a few you need to discard of
completely. Accept who you are, don’t let anyone question the legitimate
version of you.
On an Uber ride last
week, the driver was telling me about his extraordinarily brilliant nephew who had
excellent results for A-levels but could not make it through Oxbridge interviews
to gain admission. I knew what the problem was, much had gone into academic
achievement but very little into identity and personality development, the poor
chap was cowed by the environment.
Community is good,
but you also need to interact with the wider society, have a sense of confidence;
completely different from arrogance, a healthy self-esteem; completely different
from being an impostor, the ability to express yourself clearly; completely
different from being loud and vulgar.
When I returned to
the UK from Nigeria in 1990, I already had a good sense of who I was, my
blackness was always part of me, anyone who had an issue with it, it was their
problem, not mine. I also had a good sense of history. So, when someone trying
to offensively racist said to me, 100 years ago I would have shot you, I was
immediately able to respond, 200 years ago, I would have eaten you.
Be a sleeping dog,
but be ready to bite when kicked, probably take the leg off, if you must.
Let the best
influences of culture, of beliefs, of location, of friendships, of communication,
of reading, and of learning define who you are in personality, in expression, in
empathy, in humanity and in the pursuit of happiness.
Your health is wealth
10 years ago, what
appeared to be athletes’ foot had become painful and was beginning to weep. At
the back of my mind, I thought it was serious but was willing it away. A residual
element of my religious upbringing was interfering with my sense of reasoning.
Things about faith, miracles and so on.
Then, I decided to
visit my GP, she had one look at the sole of my foot and said, ‘this looks
serious, I need to refer you.’ The first reference 2 days later led to another 4
days later because of the intervening weekend.
The professor came to
examine me and said, you can’t go home, we have a bed for you upstairs. That is
how my treatment for cancer started. I did not realise how serious it was until
the 8th day in the hospital when the professor came around to tell me. “We
can treat this, but it depends on how your body can take the treatment; if you
can, you’ll be fine, else you probably have 5 weeks.” 5 weeks!
I was 18 days in
hospital and then 5 months of gruelling chemotherapy, sometimes, I couldn’t
keep my food down for days.
Because of cancer, I
lost everything, status, wealth, my home of 10 and a half years, prospects, but
I did not lose hope and definitely not the will to live.
Part of my life
education had been the ability to let go of things, not let things have a hold
on me and because of that, I have been able to go on to new things, do new
things, think new things, achieve new things and prosper in life, despite old
things of the past, because they pass and in the process, you are given a better
story. In the process of letting go, I realised that an open hand is one that is
ready to receive.
Consider your health,
go for scheduled and regular check-ups, I have a better idea of my health situation
than my medical notes can provide. I have been fortunate to be treated as an
intelligent patient even though with hindsight I have been foolish.
One identity
construct that has helped me get the best outcomes for my health and treatment
was my telling two professors of medicine, “It is my body first before it is
your guinea-pig.”
They listened and
backed down on the intrusive course of discomfort they had planned to take.
These are some key points from my address.
·
Don’t be afraid of
failure, be afraid of never trying.
o
I
have failed at many things; the lessons have become part of my world of experience.
o
I
say, do it, rather than regret not doing it at all.
·
An opportunity once
lost can be regained after a temporary setback.
o
I
have had many setbacks, but never entirely lost opportunities.
·
Accept your
vulnerabilities, they are part of your humanity.
o
I
needed therapy and when I went for therapy, it helped me and enriched the
therapist too.
·
Embrace change and be
prepared for it in every area of your life, because if you hate change, you’ll
hate irrelevance even more.
o
I
have not survived 31 years in IT being stagnant, I have had to continually adapt
and improve. I have been a self-employed contractor since 1995.
·
Learn to rest, learn
to play, find time for yourself and do new things.
o
And
suddenly, I found this liking for classical music, travel calms me down. I love
quirky things.
·
The greatest thing
you can pass down is example; an example of contentment which isn’t the lack of
ambition, an example of resilience that you never fold in adversity, an example of
empathy - walking a long hard mile in the shoes of another before you dare assume
you know better.
o
I
would probably not inherit much from my parents, but these are things that have
stood the test of time.
·
Everyone has a story,
you can tell yours too.
o
In
the ordinariness of our lives, when you begin to count your blessings, you
realise how extraordinary your life has been.
In closing
In speaking to this
alumni association gathering, it is 21 years since you left FEGO. I hope it is
more than the fact that you attended school together that has brought you here.
I hope there is a friendliness that goes beyond acquaintance, a love that is
deeper than mere concern, an engagement that ensures that no one of you falls
to the ground, a brotherliness/sisterliness that means each one of you has another
to whom you can go to for advice, direction and even admonition.
Yes, you can gather
to laugh and play, but there must be times when you would have spoken the truth
so frankly and without equivocation, we all need some tough talk along with the
support to see it through. We cannot afford to be ashamed amongst true friends.
FEGO Class of 1998 –
I commend you, live well, live strong, live long and live happily.
Thank you.