Strange queues for stranger things

A Queue for Inquiry

Everywhere you go in Manchester, there are queues. I am often tempted to ask someone in one of them what they are waiting for.

When it is for entrance to clubs or entertainment venues, you do wonder what event has attracted such interest or who is playing at the venue, but my curiosity does not go as far as learning the truth.

However, the stranger queues are those for people wanting to access a restaurant, or for when a product is launched and people queue up overnight to be the first to get into the shop. One finds oneself sneering about the need for some people to have a bit more purpose, but then, maybe that constitutes purpose.

Food Queues Are Not It

One rather peculiar queue was for a doughnut shop in the Victoria and Alfred Waterfront mall in Cape Town, Krispy Kreme, I think it was called. We surmised, Brian and I, that there was something in the doughnuts that was attracting the patrons: an elixir, a drug, a potion that suggested virility, or something of the sort.

I have nothing but suspicion and paranoia about such arrangements. If food attracts people like flies to faeces, to the point that they need to join long queues instead of going elsewhere, can there really be so many people so led by their stomachs?

Having no answer to that question, and possibly no full insight into the motivations of such people, imagine my surprise when I stepped out of my apartment block and saw a queue across the road. It extended beyond the front of two apartment blocks, all for a Japanese fluffy pancake meal.

The restaurant in question has already gone through one name change, and its opening hours were changed the other day. How I notice these things, I cannot tell, but they are there to be observed. It is not that I have been tempted to venture in for anything; it exists literally beside another Japanese restaurant that I once visited over eight years ago, though they are divided by a street.

The Queue Is Inviolable

As an Englishman, I like the orderliness of queues and detest queue-jumpers to the point of withstanding them at the risk of harm to myself, as was once the case in a Dutch venue. The principle, however, cannot be violated: you take your turn on a first-come, first-served basis.

I will queue for the bus, to enter an entertainment venue, at the airport, or to pay at the till. For the other kinds of queues, however, I have neither the patience nor the time to waste being a poster boy for indolence. All right, let’s not castigate them. They have a purpose for being there; I just happen to have more purposeful things to do.

The blessing of loving what you do

Why do you like your job?

Having heard from many others, I can only count myself blessed to enjoy what I do and my job. The responsibilities involved can be challenging and sometimes frustrating. Managerial levels, especially those in project management who impose demands for deliverables that lack any semblance of being feasible considering resources, time, and cost, are particularly difficult.

Clearly, one must be assertive enough in their area of expertise to offer a genuine perspective on what is achievable within the constraints provided. I recognised this blessing more profoundly when people asked me if I liked my job. It revealed more about how they felt about their own positions than about any genuine curiosity regarding my situation.

The fear of change

I hate to admit that it felt more like searching for kindred spirits in the shared misery of work life, which is quite sad. Fortunately, I found the courage to walk away from a job that had lost its enjoyment, excitement, and sense of progress. 

This situation often arises from how one is managed; if line managers view you as a human being, giving respect, courtesy, dignity, and trust, while also recognising your contributions, it can significantly affect your experience. 

Too often, we are constrained by the fear of leaving the comfort of the familiar for the uncertainties of the unknown. However, it has been in those moments that I have left the comfort of a stable job with a regular salary and no clear prospects for advancement or promotion, that I have stepped into more exciting and rewarding roles and opportunities.

Take that vital step

You must step out and away to step into something better. A brief discomfort might herald better things to come. Naturally, one must have faith in oneself and in the experiences acquired, which may be underappreciated where you currently are, but seen as invaluable elsewhere.

What you do not want is for the transient notion of job security to rob you of career autonomy and erode your ambition, leading to a loss of confidence in your marketability.

Many of us should explore better ways to market our skills in varied environments. A curriculum vitae needs enhancement to catch the eyes of recruiters beyond a mundane presentation.

Trust your capable self

When it ceases to be enjoyable, do not waste time hoping it will improve if the personnel, purpose, or project has not changed. Reinventing oneself can be an appealing and distinguishing factor in the job market; moreover, no knowledge or experience is ever truly wasted. This may necessitate a period of inactivity or a change of surroundings.

This is why I believe that, regardless of what you undertake, its value or impact may not be immediately apparent, but your own progress is something others elsewhere might appreciate.

Reassess your options; you have likely exhausted the potential for growth within your current engagement and need new fertile ground of people, projects, and purposes to write another wonderful chapter in your career and life.

Finally, you are the principal participant in the story of your life, do not let another make you a victim of your circumstances, think of number one and take care of number one first, learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all.

Sam: Most impactful in lowly endeavour

Beyond the strength we have

Understanding and appreciating frailty after illness or treatment for disease can be a difficult thing. We strive as much as possible to get back to normalcy even if our bodies suggest we are nowhere near the capacity for the abilities we once had.

The bodily stresses of fatigue, lethargy, weakness, or tiredness are signals requiring action from rest to additional medical attention towards some sort of resolution. The life and circumstances we live in harshly dictate the reality of there being no pills for the bills.

Even where we have a cushion of support to banish the concern of livelihood, we need some sort of activity to take our minds off infirmity and adversity. Having lived through this sort of thing, I am quite acquainted with the issues involved.

Escaping illness for work

Attending the office this morning, I was met with some rather sad news, the lady who maintains and cleans the office, with whom I have had a good rapport had passed on. I saw her barely 3 weeks ago, it was my first time back in the office since before I commenced radiotherapy in September.

We had a few conversations, a big catchup from the end of June when she had been in hospital for an extended period and though she was back at work, she looked rather gaunt and frail, we were both glad to see each other. It never occurred to me that it would be the last time.

The shock of learning of her demise was quite unsettling, someone would suggest she returned to work much earlier than necessary, but how do you gauge the right time to return to work if all your life you have espoused dignity in labour? Call some of us old-fashioned, we’d rather work than get by on handouts or welfare.

The value in everyone

For those who can game the system to exist in indolence, there can be no praise or adulation. I guess it belies the flaws in the system. To live a purposeful life is what matters. Sam, as I remember her was forthright, clear-minded, tough, and engaging. I remember my father not wanting me to converse with the help, but how could we be in proximity and not engage?

Sam’s work kept the office environment clean, conducive, clear, and comfortable. She was as much a member of our team as anyone else, if not one of the most important of us all for what she did, for without her contributions, no one would consider the office a place to work.

As I have always taken my time to chat to everyone most especially the cleaners, she would be sorely missed. May her gentle soul rest in peace. Her light has gone but her memory remains.

Well over 50 without having to be thrifty

Old is the new youth

A friend sent me a few links to some YouTube videos about a growing demographic of people in their 50s who have heretofore had amazing highflying careers and along with the resources to do anything they might have desired, but have hit an impasse where they are unemployed, financially unstable, unsure of where work, money, or opportunity will come from, like tomorrow is a long way away.

As a man in his late 50s with living octogenarian parents, there was a time I did not measure what could be my lifespan in terms of their longevity, over a decade ago, I had a critical health crisis that presented the possibility I would have long gone, I am grateful, blessed, and fortunate that I am still here.

Life has new purpose

Not only that, I see life as full of opportunity, I have fallen in love with hopes of a life of amazing adventure, I have plans, I have dreams, I have hopes and the determination that there are even better years ahead of me, the progress of rediscovery self and purpose has not been the easiest journey from a perspective of someone who never had to think about what it cost or what it took to do anything I set my mind upon to do.

Yet, there are challenges that sometimes present as insurmountable hurdles, even in this frame of mind, I find that I need to find solutions in knowing how to ask for help, how to tell my story, and how to connect with people whose experiences can show a pathway to where a difference can be made.

Then, this is not the blog I wanted to write, there was a lot that informed the decision to write this, it is very likely I might soon find the form of expression to do it and maybe better.

In a moment of critical self-evaluation

The Job mystery in every life

It has become a canon of development and growth, to understand the event of trial and adversity whilst seeking to make a way towards a better story and good report that becomes the grist of testimonies further on.

I cherish much the counsel of those who attempt with all feeling and compassion to walk the shoes I walk, through the rough patches with the immediacy and urgency to help relieve me of the burdens that at times seek to crush and fail to impact, strengthening sinew and muscle of spirit, mind, and body as each day passes.

To those to whom I have not given an ear, much as I appreciate their concern which comes from a good place, persuasion is a lot more than hard talk or tough love. Our humanity in its fragility responds best to encouragement with the light of hope to lead toward a desirable destination. It is not one of vague optimism but of practical consequence, where words are followed by an activity that buoys what to some might seem a sinking ship.

Those beside on your side

In friend, I have found more than the material that suggests one is not in this alone; in lover, the amazing embrace of support and the constant expression of faith and confidence, much of which one might struggle to believe, but pictures are created in the mind of what is both possible and achievable.

In mother, a soothing and comforting voice almost like a lullaby that wafts in the ears of a toddler being rocked to the shore of peaceful and blissful sleep. Then a steeling up of belief that you are both able and capable, to which I promise was made, you have a son who will not throw in the towel. We are fighting this to the end for triumph beyond anticipation.

Blog - Thought Picnic: On mother today and everyday

In parson, counsel and pastoral support came with such Christian compassion and engagement, with advice and reference, help and prayer. We sometimes forget we live in a wealthy place of a community we rarely access and understand enough for the neighbourly succour that exists not for our inconvenience and essentially more for our safety.

A process of self-discovery

Personally, I seek a way to the light, a better understanding of self and purpose to gain focus and advantage in the issues that beset me. In the things of old that once were a source of strength and the search for the new in revelation and exposition of why we exist at all in the settings and situations that we are. Besides that, how else would one be so uniquely different and storied if you do not do crazy things? Each man has to work out their salvation with fear and trembling.

So then, my dear ones, just as you have always obeyed [my instructions with enthusiasm], not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence, continue to work out your salvation [that is, cultivate it, bring it to full effect, actively pursue spiritual maturity] with awe-inspired fear and trembling [using serious caution and critical self-evaluation to avoid anything that might offend God or discredit the name of Christ]. [Bible Hub: Philippians 2:12 Amplified]

Reference

The story of Job, a biblical figure [Wikipedia]

Thought Picnic: To the little things we do

A lonely lane of travel

There are days when there is no agenda even if there is a purpose, the desire to impact that might not be as impactful, the consideration of others generally unnoticed by them, the urge to be an example without being exemplary, just having the time, the place, and the opportunity to be the best one can be.

Amongst people lauded for great achievements, too often it is easy to feel quite a minnow, and then you realise your world, whether large or small is the community in which you might have some influence or modicum of significance, the risk of belittling self is too frequently borne of ignorance of what little you seem to be doing is significant and important to others.

Knowing the little you can do

To be aware to the point of not beating yourself up for what you have unfortunately not done where there are things done and other things you have the capacity, ability, and opportunity to is the beginning of knowledge and the elimination of unnecessary stress.

In my life, I always hope to have the means to meet every challenge in any sphere of encounter and demand. I extend myself as much I can do, there is little reward for these things, and gratitude comes in ways unexpected and appreciated. If through one thing I have been given the blessing to do, I have changed one life for the better, we would celebrate that against the many odds we have faced.

Manchester Pride has become a purposeless Bacchanalia

Profit before purpose

The August Bank Holiday Weekend in Manchester has for long been set aside for the celebration of Manchester Gay Pride, though the Gay has been dropped from the name to make the festival that starts from Friday through Monday more widely celebratory or possibly more commercially palatable to the mainstream.

One can see that our city has had an influx of patrons who are here to revel and party along with anything else they can get up to. Yet, I cannot say we are as residents that the Manchester Pride apparently represents are happy with the state of affairs. Manchester Pride is now a business.

More profit without purpose

Yet, the roots of LGBTQI+ (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transsexual, Queer, Intersex and other related identity groups) Pride are in agitation, protest, activism, and campaigns against persecution, prosecution, discrimination, injustice, abuse of power and authority, violence, harassment, unfairness and the denial of common rights and privileges enjoyed by mainstream society. [Wikipedia: Pride parade]

At the beginning of the month, we learnt that Manchester Pride will no more be supporting key community support charities as the LGBT Foundation’s condoms and lube initiative and George House Trust that supports people living with HIV. [BBC News: Manchester Pride ends support for safer sex scheme]

Losing the reason for existence

For years, we have enjoyed the celebration and supported the activism to ensure the humanity of LGBTQI+ people are respected and not violated by political, civil, religious, social, or economic groups whilst also ensuring influential interests do no negate the progress in human rights gained in the last half-century.

The freedoms we have in the West compared with the absence of such in many countries around the world where LGBTQI+ people face persecution and capital punishment calls for constant sober reflection, the causes fought for and won here still need the support of the free to gain traction and victories where those like us have none.

This is not to agitate against festivities; indeed, we must celebrate, but not lose purpose or focus on community support and partnership locally and beyond. Sadly, Manchester Pride has become a project without a cause and as it is now, bereft of purpose.

This is not our pride

In my 8 years of living in Manchester, each year the Pride parade was passed in front of my apartment block, I bring a folding chair out of my home to sit and watch the apparent celebration of all. The parade did not happen because of the pandemic last year and this year, they have concentrated on partying on the premise that artists who have had a bad pandemic year need more support.

Even though I have never attended any of the concerts, I have contributed to Manchester Pride until 3 years ago when it became obvious that representation and community engagement was less an impetus for their existence. Having built on the success of LGBTQI+ activism, they have now abandoned that for the commerce and profit at the expense of those they portend to represent.

There is no doubt that there is a need to arrest the decline of purpose with a change of the trusteeship, executive, and management of Manchester Pride, the sooner, the better for the good of all. This is not our pride; it is just a Bacchanalia that has usurped an LGBTQI+ identity.

A red hat in Paris

My heart in Paris

Paris, a city I know like the back of my hand and have not had the opportunity to visit since November 2018. Now, I do transit through Charles de Gaulle Airport, but that is another story. The truth is I miss Paris, the café culture, and my seat on the first floor of Café Beaubourg watching onto the front of the Georges Pompidou Centre, that I have never visited, as the world goes by.

That view I have cherished for 21 years, a place of memories and much else, for some friends have departed or fallen apart, and this apart from those from whom one receives no alerts of conversation or communication anymore.

A walk of life

Stepping out of Café Beaubourg after brunch, I bear left onto Rue Saint-Merri, cross Rue Saint-Martin which as certain times host venues of excitable pleasures with strangers and then I am at a milliner’s where every colour of hat exists to challenge your daring. That is where I eventually decided, the day after on a red pork-pie hat.

I put the hat I was wearing in the bag and stepped out with this callout of brilliance that elicited commentary every few steps I took, I was looking good and feeling just as good too. Then on to Boulevard de Sebastopol past Place du Chatelet, down the ramp to the north side of the Seine and a walk westwards towards Pont Neuf where I found a seat to observe the river traffic, take in the winter sun and some photographs too.

You can’t have not

One of such photographs became the source of a compliment, my outfit with the red hat according to him, he loved, and I looked really cool. I acknowledged and asked if he was doing well too. He was preparing for the day and out of interest asked where the picture was taken which gave life to my knowledge of Paris.

To my concealed shock, he had never visited Paris nor been around Europe though he planned to do a bit of travel before he was 50. Now, I can understand people planning for adventures and exploration at a later point in life, taking it as a given. For instance, he had another 12 years to fulfil those desires, if we are sure of things, times, and terms.

The time for travel is now

I have learnt, the only time we have is the moment called now, the past is gone, the future uncertain, so we are left asking the question, what are we doing with the now? It is where I suddenly get philosophical because it is necessary to have things in perspective.

Any time you get to do travel, do it, do not wait for a time you might think is convenient. I am 55 and thankfully 12 years after cancer which at prognosis only gave me 5 weeks to live if my physiology could not tolerate the treatment. Before that illness, I thought myself inviolable and invincible.

Banish the spectre of regret

Whilst not trying to sound morbid, the time we have for anything is now and what we must not waste the now on is to set ourselves up for a future of regrets at what we could have done. It is the same thinking I had at the end of 2018 when at one point I was undecided about going on holiday to South Africa until I caught myself thinking, if I did not travel, I might well regret it.

I did travel and I met Brian with whom I hope someday to visit Paris and see the sights that have enthralled me. Too many people have options and opportunities before them, but they, out of the embarrassment of choices and an inkling of self-worth set themselves on for the prospects and possibilities ignoring what is at hand. I hope they can reset their course before no option is available, those opportunities are lost and the possibilities they dared to dream of shatter into shards of regret.

No prophet would come into your indecision, but you will hear some voices and some advice as good as prophecy, now for the discernment to make that move and make it count.

Paris by the Seine - February 2017

Character in Amsterdam

Absent from presence

Amsterdam, and what comes to mind is the Red-Light District and coffee shops, to the initiated, the former refers to legalised sex trade and the latter to easy access marijuana. There is a likelihood that people would visit Amsterdam to observe and experience that part of the city which is hardly the full story of a city of culture, architecture, music, and amazing diversity.

Fundamentally, Amsterdam residents do not spend their lives in sex shops or getting stoned, there is more to life than that and I lived in Amsterdam for almost 13 years. Now, I appreciate that when I first moved to Amsterdam, many of my colleagues did get carried away with the fun at the expense of their purpose for being there, once the novelty wore out, many had exhausted the goodwill of their sojourn.

Some of us knowing what was available chose not to be amenable to the vicissitudes of lasciviousness, regularly invited we did not participate even if we had the freedom and latitude to indulge with reckless abandon.

Damned either way?

We must however separate the place from the person, that a person visits a place should not mean the person defaults to the reputation of the place in its notoriety. People have discipline, character, and purpose, in the midst of great temptation, people do have the resolve to resist and not succumb just because the opportunity and possibility presents.

In the same vein, there is a need to know the difference between the person and the place by reputation. Knowing the person and trusting what the person will do especially unsupervised is to ascribe a modicum of integrity on the person. The person might be given to mischief and yet be quite honourable and full of consideration for others. Then by reputation, Amsterdam can be a crazy place; damned if you do, more damned if you don’t.

Thought Picnic: Understanding my greater good

Fencing around the greater good

In a conversation on the train on Saturday, my friend related a story to me about a man relating his commitment to the greater good, to which is wife retorted, “I am your greater good.” In context, one needs to reflect on what occupies the mind and the activities that direct from such.

I have my concerns about family, obligations are many, demands are consequent, responsibilities are mount that you wonder about how much more of that burden you can carry before the strain begins to tell. I find I am trying to banish the thoughts, but I worry at times, even though I know that worry would nothing to address the issues.

Seeing yourself in the plan

My friend noticed that in setting out a number of things I had hoped to do, I wanted to have that conversation because there were things I could not immediately see a resolution of, she opined that in everything I had said, none pertained to me, my wellbeing, my comfort, or my happiness, it was about other people who might or might not be appreciative of whatever I am doing.

It does bother me that I used an analogy yesterday of the fact that when a car cannot start, you give it a push to kickstart it, you do not push it all the way. There is an extent to which pushing might help the car start after which you have to call in the mechanic and if that does not resolve the issue, the cost of comprehensive repairs to the possible replacement of the vehicle begins to loom.

Understanding my greater good

The same applies to people, you want to help them, give them that support to get them going. Encouragement, advice, teaching, mentoring, and guidance. The need not to have to order about or instruct too forcefully, that half a word that seeds sentences and prose when heard and heed to. You should not have to think for them and eventually, they should move on from being both your responsibility and your problem to standing comfortably on their own two feet and running their own race with excellence.

It is not happening in some of the engagements, and I am at a point of disengagement because I need to gather up and begin to do things for myself, my life, and my sense of wellbeing. I need to understand my greater good. That greater good is Brian, that is the priority, the future, and the project. All other investments not appearing to take are on the path to divestment, you can only push a car to start for so long.

Thought Picnic: The business of not becoming arboreal fish

When fins are not limbs

“Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” This saying is usually attributed to Albert Einstein, but there is much controversy as to whether he ever said these words. Whilst it is important to responsibly source the provenance of a quote, we should not be distracted from the import of the uncredited aphorism.

There are times I have wasted my energy as a fish trying to climb a tree. I moderate and caution myself in how I represent myself, hoping not to use the negative to incapacitate my ability, just in case, I find the insight eventually to excel in an area where heretofore I could not begin to believe I had the means or wherewithal to have a voice.

Collapsing the plinths of adulation

Just over 6 months ago, I was contacted enthusiastically about a business proposition, that appeared to have scope and prospect even if the basic idea was in need of refinement. With me being looked upon as a leader, I immediately put aside my doubts, more personally about what I could do that I did not pose the essential questions to help refine the focus.

Strangely, I felt quite uncomfortable that demands would be made of me that would leave me exposed even as I did not want to disappoint my beloved interlocutor nor dampen their passion. As I was in the midst of planning some personal activities, I put the thoughts aside.

About a week ago, I saw that the sketchy ideas that were discussed had taken root and gained a vehicle of expression. This dream had become a reality and the next stage of marketing had begun, this is place where this person had all the expertise to carry a product to a market and begin to make a business that met a need.

Encourage creative expression

In trying to escape from the trite, I opined to another, “I'm glad you're getting to do what you love, nothing as fulfilling as doing things that are impactful; food leaves a memory and creates an enduring desire to relive the moment. It comes from the artistry and expertise that produces it in the first place.”

Someone who had taken the joy of cooking to the point of creating an online kitchen and fulfilling orders was having a time of their life, I could only be pleased for them. Yet, in me, there was that fish again attempting to climb a tree. I needed to provide encouragement without the use of clichés, recognise that what was being done was more than commendable and avoid allowing my sense of inadequacy get in the way of earned and deserved acknowledgement.

There are people who see us as sources of inspiration, living up to that kind reverence that we decline in self-deprecation and apparent lack of achievement in our own eyes presents a chasm between where we are placed and where we place ourselves. Our modesty becomes a refuge from the responsibility demanded of our counsel, guidance, and advice.

Not everyone can do business

Entrenching the accolades, I was offering, I averred, “It’s a journey you’ve started, and it will get better and more rewarding.” The process of setting up is hard, it takes a lot of perseverance to keep at it and make a success of it.

In the end, combining the separate events of two people taking their dreams to the market and working on growing their custom, I found I could still remain a fish, though not one trying to climb trees; just one that is naturally suited to its environment and thriving therein, a fish in freshwater, swimming in the abundance of life and resources.

“The spirit of business is an awesome thing, it's not something I have had much insight or acumen in, I am just a knowledge person. I think it takes amazing ability and talent to build a business around ideas meeting a need and I wish you the very best.”

Being an entrepreneur demands the skill, the drive and the expertise I have not realised currently I possess, my kind of fish is not striving to climb trees, yet, for everyone who had been able to take an idea to the place of selling a product growing in demand, you have found waters in which you can be the best fish you can ever be. Swim, live long and prosper.

Thought Picnic: I will remain curious and work on it

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Who is me again?

Recently, I think I have been searching for a better understanding of myself, a kind of review of my past, my present, my prospects, the circumstances in which I find myself, what might need tinkering with and what other things must radically shift.

I guess I am constantly challenging myself to appreciate if I am achieving and contributing, whether my ideas are sound and what I need to do or where I need to go to get inspiration and insight for whatever I am faced with. There are days I do not think I have done much and there are many caught between the shame of being slothful, the guilt of not achieving my goals, the embarrassment of being caught out and the humiliation of being shown up.

Finding my place of vulnerability and being able to deal with it is still a process, the way I find it difficult to ask for or seek help when I need it most. I am working on finding the voice to fix the things I am uncomfortable with.

Guarding the influences

This Coronavirus pandemic lockdown where you are left alone and with your own thoughts, many influences begin to insert themselves in your life, usually from social media and television. I do manage my television influences better than I do social media, especially Twitter. So much jumps out at you to enrage you that you need to condition yourself in terms of initiation, engagement, response, contribution, restraint, disengagement, or indifference.

Then, I am getting better at extricating myself, I do not need to be drawn into issues that drain mental energy, denigrate, or are unedifying. The unpersuadable are just unpersuadable and it is important to see the trait early before the fruitless frustrates. Most importantly, know the unnecessary for it is unnecessary, something to be ignored and where the temptation to tweet must be resisted for your good.

I will remain curious

As I go through this developmental process, I have been trying to find fulfilment in the things I enjoy without having the things that drive others define my sense of achievement. Listening to a number of discussions from many interesting people, the pep talk is quite off-putting to the point of detestation.

The life coaches and motivation speakers who go on about using this period of sequestration or rather retreat to say you should focus on something, have a purpose in life or pursue your passion, without which you have underachieved leaving you an anxiety wreck as you realise you have let another day slip useless away, again.

Blog - Thought Picnic: In the days of useful ideas

Elizabeth Gilbert in a recent TED discussion brought in a new thought process, suggesting we exercise curiosity; a kind of interest probably in the mundane, which I do so well, observing beyond just seeing, the stakes she said are lower, there is no anxiety, for looking closer brings to light things easily missed.

I know I am curious, it feeds my learning, the learning to love myself more, it brings insight, it is questioning, precocious, inquisitive, challenging of the norm and I might just end up being proud of myself, grateful of the wonderful people and things that enrich my life. I think I am comfortable with that.

Thought Picnic: Making days matter

Losing the snooze

Each day appears to be unstructured without the routine that demands the alarm rings in the morning. Not that when the alarm stirs you out of slumber you jump out of bed that the first sound. For some reason or the other, some sociology or psychology when into electronic alarm clock design, it is called the snooze button.

That button you press once to silence the alarm, originally for about 10 minutes, but now, there is a variable duration for which you want the snooze to last before the next alarm strain sting your eardrums into an ambulatory response. Mine is set to 7 minutes, whilst the first alarm time is set irregularly rather than to exactly the quarter points of the clock at 00, 15, 30, or 45 minutes past the hour.

Living free of it

My alarm is musical, never monotonal and I have been conditioned to knowing that the music is an alarm rather than my radio playing back an obscure classical composition of dubious provenance. Yet, in reality, my life is not as regulated by alarm clocks except in uniquely exceptional situations, I would probably be awake before the alarm goes off then wonder if there is enough time for a power nap to the time of the alarm.

When I have abused the snooze button, I would have probably preferred to have a mallet to smash the clock to smithereens, but the said clock is usually my mobile phone, as so, I would hate to be as destructive as sudden inclination might aspire me to.

Do the day well

As to what to do with the day, you need to find purpose and achievement, the direction that brings benefit. From the poem Today, by Thomas Carlyle, which I have known more as a hymn, my spirit demands, “Think wilt thou let it slip useless away.” For each that that comes, there is much to learn, formally and informally, there is a lot to understand better, there is the possibility of the creative that we rarely tap as much as should be done, for the satisfaction is rarely in any tangible reward, so we let it slide.

The mind cannot idle without function and application, we rise to deploy thought, deed, talent and resourcefulness to things that matter, to change things for the better, in person, in event, or in ideas, it could be in all those things at the same time. A day must bring a new kind of fulfilment, whether it can be measured by others is beside the point. You know that by the time the day has become part of the eternity past, you have left a mark, not to regret the one that follows on.

Thought Picnic: The stewardship of the Lent

Lent some things

We sometimes do not realise that we are entrusted with a lifetime responsibility of stewardship, the stewardship of time, the stewardship of resources, the stewardship of relationships, the stewardship of purpose and by consequence the stewardship of life.

In a moment of reflection, I thought about the Christian season of Lent, the preparation towards Easter in the church calendar that traditionally pertains to prayer and fasting, a call to restraint, the abandonment of excess, where penitence, self-denial, self-examination, and study is supposed to bring us back to a reckoning of why we are here, for what purpose, and whether we are living to the fulness of our potential.

Lent to know

Yet, the matter of stewardship in my mind derives from a reassessment of what Lent is, for fasting is not something I have developed a propensity for, medical conditions would probably exempt me. Some restraint I have had, maybe moderation or denial, self-examination requires a bit more work even if my best friend says I critique myself too harshly, I hope it makes for having more consideration of my position before I address others.

Then, I have no issue with hypocrisy for as I have said before, it is a knowledge thing that requires action from both parties. If the person with a beam in their eye can see another with a speck in their eye, the decent thing is to inform rather than remain silent. With information, both can probably help remove the speck and the beam from each other’s eyes to see clearly. What would be wrong is to sit with vision obstructed in self-satisfactory contentment.

Lent to do

When Lent as a noun indicating a season in which we might do things is converted into a verb as if we are lent something with which we are to engage in a profitable venture, stewardship begins to make sense. For that, the time we are lent to use must not be wasted, the resources we are lent by providences must be used wisely, the relationships we are lent by accident, association, or engagement must be cultivated with care and consideration and we are lent the opportunity of purpose, we must strive to see it through.

I would be the first to say that much of what I have been lent I have not judiciously used. In my moments of reflection, I wonder about what I could have done better for different outcomes. I try not to indulge in excessive self-flagellation, there is enough regret and ruefulness in the world. My hope is to have learnt something from my failings and find a better result.

Lent to discern

Indeed, there are times I wish I knew things long before I suffered needlessly, that little voice that speaks almost like a prognosticator needs to get more timbre and volume, my clogged inner ears need a good de-waxing too.

The circumstances are testing, the immediacy of need can easily defeat the will, still, one must stand the test of faith, trust, and service to enter into the ministry of angels. Angels as providence, fortune, blessing and grace.

I hope to have made the best stewardship of the things I have been lent, most importantly, the heart of a man who means so much to me, my love is true and my desire is keen for our hopes to be real. That is just the beginning of even greater expectations.

My keynote address to FEGO Class of 98

An Unexpected Invitation

I was invited to give a keynote address to the Federal Government College Odogbolu, Class of '98, on the general topics of alumni, networking, life and purpose. After a few light jokes about how I had been surreptitiously co-opted into the activity, I began my address.

This cohort of successful people are entering middle age; they are mid-career, raising families and will face challenges ahead. I suppose there was a view that I could share some of my life experiences to help them avoid a mid-life crisis and attend to healthy life choices.

It was an honour to meet the Class of '98, and I wish them Godspeed.

My Lead-in

FEGO Class of '98, you graduated in the Silver Jubilee year of your school's founding; quite auspicious.

My history with Odogbolu is somewhat long and interesting. In January 1976, we were living in Kaduna when my parents had the crazy idea of sending me to a secondary school close to where they were born, in Ijesha-Ijebu, so that I might be imbibed with Yoruba culture.

Baptist Academy, Mayflower School, Odogbolu Grammar School, Remo Secondary School (RSS); I cannot remember the school in Ibadan where I sat the common entrance examination. Did I have a life of privilege? I flew in from Kaduna, and there was someone to collect me and take care of me for the duration of my visit.

I do not know why I was not put forward for any of the unity schools, even though I realise there were opportunities for those. I suppose my primary school environment in Jos and Kaduna was a disadvantage to my becoming integrated into Nigeria. The schools were international, with a high percentage of Europeans, Chinese and Japanese, so I was not really growing into a Nigerian per se.

Odogbolu Grammar School and Remo Secondary School both offered me admission. I took the latter because the former's campus bordered on a graveyard; I had had the strangest things happen to me at ten, and that settled my decision.

Two years ago, my nephew was admitted to the Federal Government College Odogbolu (FEGO) at the age of nine. A year later, his brother, with whom he shares a birthday though they are two years apart, joined him. They are probably the youngest in their year group, just as I was in primary school and then in secondary school.

I find it strange that I am giving an address to an alumni association because, whilst I made a few friends at RSS, my memories of the five years I spent there are not ones I cherish that much. We had to be street smart, even as we stood out because of our accents. We were bedwetters; back then it was thought a weakness rather than something psychological. There was the occasional bully, and the use of collective punishment was rife. Thankfully, the core of individuality, inquisitiveness and fearlessness could not be beaten out of me.

Apart from on Facebook, I have no enduring friends from the RSS Class of '81. I met up with old schoolmates from my primary school after 41 years in 2016. I still have friends from Lacostech; from YabaTech, where no one believed I was 16 when I was admitted; and from the Federal Polytechnic Ilaro, where, on my first day, I met a junior from secondary school who was in his final year whilst I was starting afresh.

Have Your Purpose

Considering the good fortune and opportunities I had from birth through secondary school, the four years afterwards were sobering. I attended two polytechnics and ended up with nothing. My third attempt, born of travail and raw experience, widened my perspective on what I could achieve. I was no longer haunted by my past or fearful of the future. I simply determined that, by 35, I would be able to stand amongst my peers unashamed of what I had done with my life. I began to see good results already at 24.

Do Something Radical

In 2000, just after the Millennium bug issue, I was having trouble finding a new job. I was attending interviews and getting good reviews, but no offers. A mentor advised me to speak to an occupational psychotherapist, who concluded that I was suffering a mid-life crisis ten years early. His advice was to consider a career change, perhaps go back to school, or even emigrate to another country.

I took the hint and started looking for opportunities in Belgium, Germany and the Netherlands. Meanwhile, I got a job in the UK and, on a day off, flew out to the Netherlands for an interview. I got that job, and with it 13 years of life in Holland.

Have a plan, do things in the interim, but do not lose your focus and do not be distracted.

Embrace Youthful Aspirations

When I was about to buy an apartment in Amsterdam, the first thing I did was ask the estate agent to feel my hands. She said they were soft. Indeed, I retorted, I do not do DIY; I want a place I need not do anything to, and please complete the deal in six weeks. She did.

The couple I bought my home from were in their mid-70s. They had lived in Eindhoven for 25 years and could easily have lived out the rest of their days there, but they bought an apartment in Amsterdam off the plan and came to live there for almost four years. During that time, she became the chairman of the homeowners' association.

Then they decided that, because of their age, they needed a place where they could receive better care. They sold up in Amsterdam for a healthy profit and bought a riverside residential care apartment in Arnhem. I still wish I could make decisions like that, whatever age I am.

Then there is my uncle, who was and still is the playful adult in my life, someone I can talk to about anything. I can be utterly irreverent, yet always respectful. He was one of the foremost insurers in Nigeria, a fellow of the Chartered Institute of Insurers and an examiner for the council.

In the space of a few years, he lost his car a couple of times to armed robbers, so he decided to move to the UK, where he is now settled. He called me one day and said he wanted to go back to school to study petroleum engineering. I asked whether he was going for a master's programme; he said he was applying for a bachelor's degree.

Obviously, I thought him too distinguished for such a somewhat lowly pursuit, but he expressed such humility in his decision to take it on.

He was already 60. He tells me the course was one of the hardest he ever attended. He had failed so many examinations from adolescence into adulthood that my father, on returning from the UK, promised him £10 if he passed. That £10 debt is still a running joke in our conversations.

He stood out throughout the course, the older man, wise from a world of experience in C-suite jobs. Students and faculty alike were always seeking his viewpoint on many things. By graduation, he had been gravely ill and was recuperating, so the university arranged to collect him from hospital to attend the ceremony. When his name was called, along with the citations, he received a standing ovation.

Such a thing can never happen if you are not ready to embrace your youth and your youthful aspirations. Do something new; assess yourself against your aspirations rather than against others; believe in yourself even if no one else does; and never let your failures define you today or in your future.

Recently, on the radio, I heard Isabel Allende asked, "How do you fall in love at 76?" She answered, "Like 26, only with a little more urgency."

Identity Is a Construct

I have a keen sense of my identity: I am an Englishman of Nigerian heritage. I arrived at that idea of who I am when I lived in the Netherlands and had to answer the question of where I was originally from.

I was born in England, grew up in England and Nigeria, then lived in the Netherlands for almost 13 years. Why am I not Nigerian? I was like everyone else until my accent betrayed me. To so many, I was the child born abroad; I was not entirely accepted in Nigeria.

My mother tongue is English, but my mother's tongue is Yoruba. I am proud to say that, even as an Aje-butter, I speak Yoruba to a very good standard. My Hausa, however, needs some work; I was in the North only until 1977.

Identity is a construct of influences: many good, some bad, and a few you need to discard completely. Accept who you are, and do not let anyone question the legitimate version of you.

On an Uber ride last week, the driver told me about his extraordinarily brilliant nephew, who had excellent A-level results but could not make it through the Oxbridge interviews to gain admission. I knew what the problem was: much had gone into academic achievement but very little into identity and personality development. The poor chap was cowed by the environment.

Community is good, but you also need to interact with wider society and have a sense of confidence, completely different from arrogance; a healthy self-esteem, completely different from feeling an impostor; and the ability to express yourself clearly, completely different from being loud and vulgar.

When I returned to the UK from Nigeria in 1990, I already had a good sense of who I was. My blackness was always part of me; anyone who had an issue with it, that was their problem, not mine. I also had a good sense of history. So, when someone trying to be offensively racist said to me, "100 years ago I would have shot you," I was immediately able to respond, "200 years ago, I would have eaten you."

Be a sleeping dog, but be ready to bite when kicked; probably take the leg off, if you must.

Let the best influences of culture, of beliefs, of location, of friendships, of communication, of reading and of learning define who you are in personality, in expression, in empathy, in humanity and in the pursuit of happiness.

Your Health Is Wealth

Ten years ago, what appeared to be athlete's foot had become painful and was beginning to weep. At the back of my mind, I thought it was serious, but I was willing it away. A residual element of my religious upbringing was interfering with my reasoning; thoughts about faith, miracles and so on.

Then I decided to visit my GP. She took one look at the sole of my foot and said, "This looks serious, I need to refer you." The first referral, two days later, led to another four days after that, because of the intervening weekend.

The professor came to examine me and said, "You cannot go home; we have a bed for you upstairs." That is how my treatment for cancer started. I did not realise how serious it was until the eighth day in hospital, when the professor came round to tell me: "We can treat this, but it depends on how your body takes the treatment. If it can, you'll be fine; otherwise, you probably have five weeks." Five weeks!

I spent 18 days in hospital and then five months of gruelling chemotherapy. Sometimes I could not keep my food down for days.

Because of cancer, I lost everything: status, wealth, my home of ten and a half years, prospects. But I did not lose hope, and definitely not the will to live.

Part of my life education had been the ability to let go of things, not to let things have a hold on me. Because of that, I have been able to go on to new things, do new things, think new things, achieve new things and prosper in life, despite the old things of the past; because they pass, and in the process you are given a better story. In learning to let go, I realised that an open hand is one that is ready to receive.

Consider your health; go for scheduled and regular check-ups. I have a better idea of my health situation than my medical notes can provide. I have been fortunate to be treated as an intelligent patient, even though, with hindsight, I have been foolish.

One identity construct that has helped me get the best outcomes for my health and treatment was telling two professors of medicine, "It is my body first, before it is your guinea pig." They listened and backed down from the intrusive and uncomfortable course they had planned.

Key Points

These are some of the key points from my address.

·       Do not be afraid of failure; be afraid of never trying.

o   I have failed at many things; the lessons have become part of my world of experience.

o   I say do it, rather than regret not doing it at all.

·       An opportunity once lost can be regained after a temporary setback.

o   I have had many setbacks, but never entirely lost opportunities.

·       Accept your vulnerabilities; they are part of your humanity.

o   I needed therapy, and when I went for it, it helped me and enriched the therapist too.

·       Embrace change and be prepared for it in every area of your life, because if you hate change, you will hate irrelevance even more.

o   I have not survived 31 years in IT by being stagnant; I have had to adapt and improve continually. I have been a self-employed contractor since 1995.

·       Learn to rest, learn to play, find time for yourself and do new things.

o   And suddenly I found this liking for classical music; travel calms me down; I love quirky things.

·       The greatest thing you can pass down is example: an example of contentment, which is not the lack of ambition; an example of resilience, so that you never fold in adversity; an example of empathy, walking a long, hard mile in another's shoes before you dare assume you know better.

o   I will probably not inherit much from my parents, but these are things that have stood the test of time.

·       Everyone has a story; you can tell yours too.

o   In the ordinariness of our lives, when you begin to count your blessings, you realise how extraordinary your life has been.

In Closing

In speaking to this alumni gathering, it is 21 years since you left FEGO. I hope it is more than the mere fact that you attended school together that has brought you here. I hope there is a friendliness that goes beyond acquaintance; a love deeper than mere concern; an engagement that ensures no one of you falls to the ground; a brotherliness and sisterliness that means each of you has another to whom you can turn for advice, direction and even admonition.

Yes, you can gather to laugh and play, but there must also be times when you speak the truth frankly and without equivocation. We all need some tough talk alongside the support to see it through. We cannot afford to be ashamed amongst true friends.

FEGO Class of 1998, I commend you: live well, live strong, live long and live happily.

Thank you.

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