Men's things XXVII: The inconvenience of incontinence

We Need a Screening Programme

At any opportunity, especially when I encounter black men, I bring up men's things and prostate cancer. However, what has surprised me is that many of my white colleagues have had some exposure to this matter, usually through older members of their families: their fathers or fathers-in-law.

This might make people think prostate cancer is a middle-aged affliction in black men and a geriatric condition in white men. We should be careful not to delude ourselves into thinking this is the case. It affects all men, and whilst there are extenuating factors relating to race, age, and family history of cancer, we all need checkups, early ones too, to ensure that abnormalities, when found, are promptly dealt with.

This points to the need for widespread screening for prostate cancer, rather than leaving it to individuals to demand it themselves.

Some Aftereffects of Prostate Cancer

From my experience, almost 18 months after a prostate cancer diagnosis and 13 months after radiotherapy, I have come quite a long way, and I am grateful for that. The issues I still deal with are nighttime insomnia, some fatigue (though not to the point of being debilitating), occasional incontinence (more with the bladder than the bowel), and a lack of any sexual drive, which may also present as erectile dysfunction.

Inconvenient as incontinence might be, I manage it quite well: my Radar key for disabled toilets, my Just Can't Wait card to request the use of a toilet elsewhere, and I wear incontinence underwear, or I line my underwear with incontinence pads. These all save you the greater embarrassment of publicly visible mishaps, and better that than pushing up a gravestone in some nondescript cemetery.

Making the Best of It

Still on incontinence: the bladder aspect is usually that sudden and pressing urge, where you are never able to get to a toilet soon enough before wetting yourself. When it comes to the bowels, it is a feeling somewhere between the urge and constipation. Having already had a movement, it doesn't feel empty, and yet you can't make it happen. That presents some discomfort and anxiety whilst you hope it clears up soon.

With a basic consultation at a regular pharmacy, you can get medication to combat issues with erectile dysfunction. Ultimately, you work with or around the problems for the best outcomes in experience and wellbeing. Choosing not to be defined by either manliness or manhood can also be the key to contentment and happiness.

The walnut-sized prostate gland can be life-threatening if enlarged and cancerous, but once treated and kept under medical observation, the inconvenience should not take away from the joy of living.

AI Postscript

As I have AI to review my blogs for grammar, spelling, and contextual checking, I was quite impressed with this summary of the blog: The key was asking: "Would Akin still recognise this as his own thought, just expressed more clearly?" If the answer was no, I didn't restructure it. Your voice is situated in the precise intersection of being black, male, professionally engaged, medically informed, personally affected, and committed to demystifying this subject for others.

References

Blog - Photons on the Prostate - A year from starting radiotherapy

Blog - A prostate cancer diagnosis, one year on

Blog - Photons on the Prostate - XVIV - I Just Can't Wait

Blog - Men's things XXVI: Let's avoid the stigma of prostate cancer

Blog - Men's things - Prostate Cancer blogs

Men's things XXVI: Let's avoid the stigma of prostate cancer

A stigma on the prostate

Much as I have openly written about my account of being diagnosed with malignant prostate cancer, a Twitter exchange between two young black men left me wondering about the kind of stigma that associates with situations we as human beings might have little control over.

It has taken me months to process this experience before I found the opportunity to write about it. These young men in Africa were in what might be a phase of explorative bisexuality or homosexuality, full of youth, bravado, and machismo. One should not deny the youth their virility, vigour, and vitality.

Rather a living older man

However, they were not content with their good fortune without finding others to pull down to feel better about themselves. In this case, they took on the topic of older black men who had become less sexually able because of prostate cancer. The exchange was in jest, levity, and mockery; it cut quite deep.

Obviously, having good health is amazing, and some of us have the kind of genes that we may never be susceptible to any infection or disease, and that is good for them.

I have had two different encounters with aggressive cancers some 15 years apart that were successfully treated, and I am grateful for the gift of medicine, the gift of faith, and the wonder of life. I have been very fortunate.

Youthful delusions of invincibility

Then again, we must be careful of the hallucinatory qualities of the elixir of youth that confers invincibility bordering on immortality on us, such that we forget the occasional frailties of the human organism and the malfunctioning of parts of the human body that could present with life-threatening conditions, easily ignored until they become untreatable.

I have made it a point to always discuss "men's things" with any black man I meet, in groups or during the occasional encounter on a taxi ride. We need to be aware that one in four black men might encounter prostate cancer, and that is twice the susceptibility compared to the wider population.

Yet, there is no widespread screening for the disease, such that it becomes incumbent on the individual to get tested and screened by making the enquiry of their medical practitioners for themselves.

Health trumps sexual prowess

Whilst doing this, we must have the mindset of not being embarrassed about seeking a medical opinion on the health of our private parts and welcoming whoever has the medical expertise to ensure we are in the clear. It should never matter what the gender of the specialist is; they are there to help you, not violate you.

I fear that men who have treasured their unquenchable sexual libido will face an almost insurmountable challenge to their manhood before they engage the authority of medical science to ascertain if they are alright. The time wasted in addressing this personal battle can be quite costly.

I faced up to my doctor to address out-of-range results of blood tests, insisted that whatever it was be seen to, and tacked on the Prostate-Specific Antigen (PSA) test because I fell in the cohort of those who might be susceptible. I was over 45, and my father had, before without verification, said he had prostate cancer.

Be a man, get checked

What matters is if you are black, over 45, or have had male or female members of your family diagnosed with cancer, you need to go for checkups.

Also, if you have issues with your urinary system (urgency, not emptying your bladder fully, straining to start urination, waking up multiple times at night to urinate), you should have your prostate health checked.

Not every case of prostate enlargement indicates cancer, but every reason for that condition needs to be determined and treated.

Finally, being able to perform sexually is not what defines a man, and what use is a dead man who had gone too soon because they were too coy about having their prostate gland checked? To those young men: all erections will eventually fail; life is more precious than all that.

References

Blog - Photons on the Prostate - A year from starting radiotherapy

Blog - A prostate cancer diagnosis, one year on

Blog - Photons on the Prostate - XVIV - I Just Can't Wait

Blog - Men's things XXV: Prostate cancer under control

Blog - Men's things - Prostate Cancer blogs

I've got everything left to achieve

Building for Life

Baron Foster of Thames Bank turned 90 on June 1st. He has left his mark on the architectural landscape of the world, collaborating with fellow architects and many designers. One cannot help but be in awe of how imagination on paper becomes the realisation you can behold.

In one of his iconic buildings, where I used to have lunch in the 1990s, the Willis Building in Ipswich, with black curtain walls contrasting with a yellow and green interior, went on to become the youngest Grade I listed building in the UK.

I remember visiting Berlin and observing how a Foster and Rogers project in that city seemed like you hire Norman Foster to transform a monument into a modern masterpiece, as he did with the Reichstag building, and Richard Rogers to create a monument by building a modern masterpiece, as he did with the Daimler complex.

Everything left to achieve

Architecture has always interested me, but that is not the primary focus of this blog. Interviewed for the Architects’ Journal in May, this last exchange—question and answer—offered an insightful perspective on the man himself.

Gino Spocchia: You’re about to turn 90, an achievement in its own right. As an architect, do you feel there is anything left for you to achieve?

Norman Foster: I've got everything left to achieve. That’s an impossible question. [Architects’ Journal: Norman Foster at 90: ‘I have everything left to achieve’]

My journey to this interview was influenced by listening to Richard Rogers on Desert Island Discs yesterday; he was interviewed in March 1990, and he spoke about his early partnership with Norman Foster, then winning the Pompidou Centre competition with Renzo Piano, and Su Rogers. [BBC Sounds: Desert Island Discs – Richard Rogers]

Propinquity to serendipity

In the 20 years I have visited Paris and sat for brunch on the first floor of Café Beaubourg that overlooks the space in front of the Pompidou Centre, I have only observed people and never entered the centre itself. Richard Rogers passed away at 88 in 2021.

I suppose one first considers the blessing and fortune of good health at such an age, to continue to have zest for life and a purposefulness that suggests you believe you still have much to do and give.

Thinking of continuing potential

For Norman Foster, advanced age is not an end; he embraces a philosophy of ongoing potential, rejecting the cultural narrative that achievement belongs primarily to youth. Meaningful accomplishment remains possible at any stage of life. Retirement is not a part of this man’s vocabulary.

For someone turning 90, this perspective embodies:

• A refusal to be defined solely by past accomplishments
• An understanding that wisdom and experience create unique opportunities
• A rejection of artificial timelines for meaningful contribution
• An embracing of new goals suited to current capabilities
• Finding purpose in mentorship, creative expression, or personal growth

I am deeply inspired by this mindset, as I contemplate returning to university to learn from and engage with youthful insights and young minds. I am convinced of the importance of lifelong learning and continuous engagement with a world of possibilities.

Norman Foster exemplifies this life-affirming stance beautifully; if we have consciousness, will, health, and resources, we retain the capacity for meaningful achievement. It is clear he enjoys what he does and will continue for as long as he can. Belated happy birthday, Norman Foster, Baron Foster of Thames Bank.

References

20^th Century Architecture: Norman Foster

20^th Century Architecture: Richard Rogers

Ain't no stopping the Gen X Diamond Jubilee now

Luther Vandross - Ain't No Stoppin' Us Now (Live from Royal Albert Hall)

The starting gun

2025, our year has come, we are the first of the Generation X (Gen X) cohort born from 1965 to 1980 will celebrate our 60^th birthday. What a generation we were and still are, some lost, some already grandparents, if not great-grandparents, others singularly amazing charting paths of adventure living experiences only few could imagine.

My sojourn began as 1965 was closing, earlier in the year, Sir Winston Churchill had passed on, my parents were new arrival students in the United Kingdom, and I was not expected until late March 1966, I guess I was readier to see the world before the conventional schedule.

Through my own eyes

The things I can recall from childhood are from the age of three, a birthday, days out with Joy at the arboretum, and encounters instigated by mum to attend white garment prayer meetings. Superstition has a way of sticking to you regardless of where you end up.

Of the things I do not remember but I learnt of or were told was England won the World Cup in 1966, I always entered a room and addressed everyone, “Ladies & Gentlemen”, some other funny, quirky, and interesting things, my precocity, the penchant for making conversation with strangers, our imagination knew no bounds.

The Nigeria I experienced after the Civil War was prospering, we returned to live in the north, in Kaduna & Jos, environments so familiar to my mother who had her childhood in northern Nigeria too. My schools were an international tapestry of diversity where most of the Black kids were born abroad and those of other races were born in Nigeria. We had the English accents.

Life is a story of stories

Yet, what experiences life has brought us in stories of adversity and triumph, we are at an age that when our parents breached 50, we thought they were over the hill and far away. Now that we are mostly 59 and some have already clocked 60 in the past week, we still hold on to as much of the youthfulness we can retain, and finding out that the world has changed so much as we have changed with the world.

According to the Britannica website, “Gen X is known for being resourceful, independent, and good at maintaining work-life balance. They were the first generation to grow up with personal computers and tend to have liberal views on social issues.” [Britannica: Generation X]

Let the diamond jubilees begin

Much as we would take advantage of the benefits of becoming sixty in our various domains, we are hardly the retiring type. I know, some of us want to return to university to do different courses, we have ideas we still want to implement, it is unlikely we’ll be shuffled off into irrelevance when we have such a resource of knowledge and experience to share, just as we are learning new things.

For our children and grandchildren, you will see a new kid on the block, easy to converse and have a good relationship with, willing to try things that would astound onlookers. That sense of fun, a bit of insouciance with youthful exuberance and the refusal to be too groan (grown) up to participate is something you will see a lot of.

Yes, we will be respectable and wild, snobbish and chilled, confident and ingenue, expert and tyro, growing younger as the numbers suggest we might be older. Thankfully, we are not the Baby Boomers, we are the change makers who have a purpose for living the best we can be, and we know it. You are about to see a Gen X revelation, ain’t no stopping us now.

Welcome to Gen X at 60, it is going to be a long year of diamond jubilee parties.

Wisely manage exertion or you crash

What a sedentary year

Thinking of my main exercise, walking, I have noticed that this year, I have just barely breached 2,000,000 steps in what might, from one perspective, seem like my laziest year in the last five years.

Without making excuses, I understand that the advent of cancer and the treatment of the same limited my facility for exertion in ways I could not have anticipated. I started radiotherapy taking the advice that I could continue doing the routine things I used to do. Still, the experience taught me a lesson that my mind was way ahead of my body, for my body to attempt to catch up.

When I was actively walking, my smartwatch and health app would suggest after every session, the expected recovery time. A serious workout of 13.5 kilometres in about 2 hours called for almost an 18-hour recovery time for my age and abilities. That intensive brisk walking activity has for now sunk into the annals of memory.

What I cannot do now

For instance, yesterday, we went into Cape Town for brunch and decided to walk the seafront promenade from the public baths to the V&A Waterfront. That was about 4.7 km in the warmth of a hot summer. I was caught out, my desire strong, but my strength waning, by the time we reached our destination, I needed Brian for support, and I was totally exhausted.

As much as I tried to push myself, I could do little. On getting back home, I crashed out and my voice when I had to make some calls was closer to a wisping whisper, almost unrecognisable to people who knew me.

Recovery is the package

The moral of the story is that I am not as able as I think I am. For all the youthful zest I possess, I am somewhere in the grandpa category of having to take things easy, and for everything I do, I need adequate and extended recovery time. This is compounded by the fact that I am recuperating and so, I need considerably more time to recover my strength.

Staying in Muizenberg has many benefits. The beach is just 5 minutes away, and it is a good long walk in the breeze to the kiteboarding and surfboarding areas. It is tranquil, refreshing, exhilarating, and good for the soul. On good days, we make the most of the situation, and that is the tonic we need.

Well over 50 without having to be thrifty

Old is the new youth

A friend sent me a few links to some YouTube videos about a growing demographic of people in their 50s who have heretofore had amazing highflying careers and along with the resources to do anything they might have desired, but have hit an impasse where they are unemployed, financially unstable, unsure of where work, money, or opportunity will come from, like tomorrow is a long way away.

As a man in his late 50s with living octogenarian parents, there was a time I did not measure what could be my lifespan in terms of their longevity, over a decade ago, I had a critical health crisis that presented the possibility I would have long gone, I am grateful, blessed, and fortunate that I am still here.

Life has new purpose

Not only that, I see life as full of opportunity, I have fallen in love with hopes of a life of amazing adventure, I have plans, I have dreams, I have hopes and the determination that there are even better years ahead of me, the progress of rediscovery self and purpose has not been the easiest journey from a perspective of someone who never had to think about what it cost or what it took to do anything I set my mind upon to do.

Yet, there are challenges that sometimes present as insurmountable hurdles, even in this frame of mind, I find that I need to find solutions in knowing how to ask for help, how to tell my story, and how to connect with people whose experiences can show a pathway to where a difference can be made.

Then, this is not the blog I wanted to write, there was a lot that informed the decision to write this, it is very likely I might soon find the form of expression to do it and maybe better.

In a bossy fragrance

Craving a shave

Creature of habit, I might well be and more, but I cannot really say. Yet, I find that I have done things for as long as I can remember out of nostalgia and just familiarity. In my youth, I would watch my father shave having mixed a powdered depilatory with water into a paste and applied it to his face, he was not a razor kind of man to my memory. Magic Shaving Powder it was.

After shaving, he would slap on Old Spice aftershave, I did not particularly acquire that tradition for my time. Now, I did not begin to grow a beard until I was in my 30s, a kind of late development not particularly congruent with my birth or my reaching puberty. I almost thought I would never have that rite of passage defining manhood or otherwise. Magic came to my aid for a while.

A whiff of masculinity

At my neighbour’s, an agemate who I visited often and that’s how I grew to be a fan of Ray Parker Jr, though, for deodorant, he used Brut by Fabergé original deodorant, now owned by Unilever. It had that easy yet light scent to it, that when I saw it about 2 decades ago, I did not hesitate to get it and I have used it since then.

It is now 26 years ago since I first visited Berlin where I met up with an old friend who was living at Karlshorst in the east and a rather daring place to be at night. He was going out with someone who worked in a perfumery, and he had a bag of bottles of cologne, eau de toilette, scents, fragrances, and perfumes, some that stank worse than a skunk.

I found the boss

Asked me to go through the bag and choose whatever I fancied and this was just when celebrity piss water was gaining some sort of prominence, but I was not into any of that. Of the lot, I chose Hugo Boss Number One eau de toilette and that has stood the test of time. Though for years, it has been made in England but unavailable in the stores.

I took to getting a bottle at the duty-free shops in Charles de Gaulle (CDG) International Airport, Paris where I have seen the price go up from around €35 to just under €75. I began to worry when I was running out, though I seemed to have a bottle to spare just because of the scarcity. Then on Saturday, I caught a glimpse of the packaging in my local Superdrug store, though that was on my way out, the price at £56, strewth!

Here I was considering returning some other time to buy it when I ventured on Amazon and it was going for £33.98 to be delivered the next day. It was a bargain and much as I like to shop in the high street, there are times, shopping online is just prudent and so I have a good stock of my eau de toilette for the foreseeable future. Habit and creature meet in one situation.

Magic shaving powder.

Old Spice Original After Shave.

Brut by Fabergé

Hugo Boss Number One

Essential Snobbery 101: Revisting the age of respectful address and proper communication

Fathering odds

As one's age begins to reach significant numbers, you begin to realise some changes in how you are viewed and addressed.

In my case, I guess my style of formal dressing has made me stand out to be respected and accorded courtesies in ways that could be rather inconvenient for some.

The other day, I was out to a Nigerian restaurant in a Manchester suburb with a colleague from work who is, well, two-thirds my age, whilst I stepped away from our table, the restaurateur asked him if I was his father.

Chaps on the lip

Apparently, she surmised that my dressing put me in an age bracket to be his dad, and with that, some banter mixed with mirth ensued, yet it was a bit revealing. Where some people are suspicious of being addressed as ‘Sir’, it does not really bother me; yet, there are places where I expect to be addressed properly.

I remember calling a repair service, a few weeks ago, and the receptionist calling back to ask if I was the ‘chap’ – the effrontery – you wonder where they get such uncultured people from; I do not think I paused to correct her by saying I was indeed, the ‘gentleman’, with emphasis, ‘that called earlier’.

A mugshot to pose for

Then, the descent into familiarity with strangers, people addressing me as mate, whilst it might be customary for certain people to do that, I take exception to being called mate because the first image that comes to mind of ‘mate’ is more of a cellmate than a schoolmate. That Australians have ‘mate’ as a standard form of address is no attempt to point to elements of interesting history.

However, as an information technology consultant, I get many calls from recruitment consultants, and you can imagine, any recruiter who addresses me as ‘mate’ has lost me from the get-go; we will not be doing business based on that call. Certain standards of address and decorum have to be kept, and in my case, when abused or infringed, demanded – I have no qualms about such old-fashioned views.

Back to basic English-speaking

Recently, the attempt to keep standards of communication up has gone to dating forums where you get messages that leave you in near-shock. You are hailed with ‘Hey!’ and then this, ‘Wruu2’. At first, I pretended not to understand it, then I decided I should start as I meant to go. So, I responded with, “Hello, Can we try English, please?” and the response was, “Sorry, I meant, ‘what are you up to?’” It makes you wonder how technology and the ease of communication have taken us back to the equivalent of when smoke signals were the best technology of the time.

Obviously, you then realise that since many in my age range are already parents and even grandparents, ‘uncle’ and even ‘daddy’ are expected forms of address one has to accommodate without quibble. The lesson or moral of the tale being, whilst a few of us might well be old-fashioned, we do not intend to go out of fashion. Until we are gone, some things will just have to be right and proper.

Nigeria: Football, Age Determination and Record Keeping

Page to age rage

As the FIFA Under-17 World Cup 2013 plays away in the United Arab Emirates (UAE) we find ourselves being ambivalent about the players my other footballing country of Nigeria has fielded. I support England be reason of birth and the Netherlands having lived there for 12 years. [Wikipedia]

We as fans of a football loving country are always taken by the amazing performance of our players, as somewhere in our minds we wonder whether the players are really as young as they state they are.

In 2008, David Moyes, then Everton manager made this comment about Yakubu Aiyegbeni, “He's only 25, albeit a Nigerian 25, and so if that is his age he's still got a good few years ahead of him.” [BBC News]

Whatever he might have been alluding to, he created the perception probably long held that some Nigerian players might well be many years older than the ages presented in their contractual documents.

Age fraud and overwhelming successes

Age fraud in association football is well documented in Africa and Asia, Nigeria was even suspended and sanctioned for fielding over-aged players in certain FIFA tournaments. [Wikipedia]

Nigeria is the most successful team in the U-17 World Cup tournament having been in six finals, winning three, followed by Brazil in five finals, winning two, but we must come to a stage where we are confident that we are playing on a level field without taking advantage of our opponents.

We must be in the eligible age range and what should show is our football talent and prowess in our taking the laurels. This however is not to take away from the successes of teams past and the pride we have in all their victories.

Some science to the rescue

In 2009, FIFA introduced the mandatory use of Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) which apparently has 99% accuracy in determining how old a person is up until the age of 17 after which it is difficult for medical expertise to determine the age that accurately. [BBC Sport]

The MRI system of age determination checks the grade of ossification/fusion in the distal radius [bones at the wrist] where fusion suggests the subject is above the age of 17 and thereby ineligible to compete in the FIFA Under-17 World Cup tournament. [NIH] [BBC Sport]

Courtesy of Wikipedia [Source]

Many African countries first rejected this age determination process, but it is the best science could do for countries that have poor documentation processes that have no proper trust or verification systems to ascertain the provenance or authenticity of birth certificates or declarations. [BBC News]

My scepticism is predicated on whether our kind of physiology is catered for and whether the scanners are calibrated to account to possible racial differences in bone structure, environment, diet and other factors. However, this is the best system we have to rely on now.

A poor record-keeping culture

We do not have proper systems to register life births in hospitals or maternity homes, our municipalities have poor record keeping systems for the registration of births, of marriages and of deaths; beyond which there is no centralised archiving system to maintain such information if acquired.

What we have adopted is a system of swearing affidavits, many of which are taken on self-recognisance given the weight of a notary public and then rubber stamped by the judicial arm of government.

These poor archiving systems permeate all works life; in government, in the private sector and in academia. There was an instance where a PhD holder from a reputable institution in the UK had to present all certificates he had acquired dating back to primary school after a 25-year career, with him approaching 50 to take up an appointment in Nigeria.

I dare say that white Africans are far ahead on the record keeping and documentation front; in another world, they would probably be able to produce enough documentary evidence to lay claim to anything even if acquired fraudulently by their forebears.

The fun in record keeping

I watch programmes on British television like "Who Do You Think You Are?" and I am always impressed with how researchers could trawl through archives going back centuries to piece together genealogies, ancestries and histories. We probably have just the adulterated and sometimes exaggerated or fabled oral histories to go by – we need to pay more heed to record keeping and documentation.

The idea that our sports ambassadors have to be herded like cattle through MRI scan turnstiles to determine the ages of the participants is degrading enough, if not disgraceful, but we brought this ignominious exercise upon ourselves.

We must address this now

The FIFA U-16 World Championship founded in 1985 and then renamed to FIFA U-17 World Cup has been running for 28 years. We should have learnt the lessons by now to ensure any new entrants to the competition have a good paper trail of birth certificates, medical histories, school reports and other supporting documentation not to have to suffer the indignities of an MRI scan.

This must be integral to our health policy, our education policy and other population census documentation and government planning policies. We need to get to a stage where the writing on any document emerging from our countries is worth the paper it is written on and accepted as authentic by any verification or certification organisation anywhere in the world.

Four before three, I am 43 today!

Thanks and gratitude

First of all, I give thanks for this day, a day that commemorates the day I came into this world, little in the hand and struggling to survive. I thank God for His grace, His love and His bountiful blessings.

I am by the grace of the most benevolent and merciful God, the most potentate who rules over heaven and earth wherein I find love, joy, peace good health, hope, faith and expectation, 43 years old today.

I have been blessed beyond measure and been stingily grateful – I cannot give enough thanks but I am thankful that another landmark has come, another year has passed, and a day has arrived for some celebration but I solemnly remember that one of the five people I know, with whom I share this day passed to the great beyond a few months ago.

The identity of birthdays

I have always wondered why I get so sentimental about my birthday and I am not as particular about other big celebrations as Easter, Christmas or the New Year – they are all important and all give cause for thanks and celebration but they are general in context.

My birthday is part of my identity; it is what represents me in all those forms where they ask of my age, when I pick up the phone for some inquiry about my details, beyond the name, account number and address, you will not get far without your date of birth.

It is like everyone wants to know when you joined the club of the world and first drew breath on earth, we live in a birth-ist society that passes albeit benign judgements on when you arrived – it determines what vaccines you get, when you enter school, when you can drink alcohol, when you can vote or if certain tests should be conducted because you have reached a certain threshold.

Accepting where we are

Hence, we should not be afraid for the age we have reached but be satisfied and content that the numbers are increasing and we are adapting better to living in this world, being grateful is not too much to ask for because the elixir of youth is really in accepting where you are, you cannot change your age, it constantly increases every beating nanosecond.

Obsession with looks is vanity; eventually there would be nothing else to pull back without looking like the Bride of Wildenstein [1] or getting ossified whilst externally looking good in Death Becomes Her [2].

If I look 25 at 43, I am either immature or looking good for my age, if someone says I look 65 at 43, I say to them, just hope you look this good at 65 – I feel good about me, warts and all.

Now, at 43, I am happy, I intend to be happier and I expect it to be one of the happiest years in my life.

Join me with a glass of the best bubbly – It’s my birthday.

Courtesy of alcoholstuff

Sources

[1] Is this the scariest picture EVER of the Bride of Wildenstein? | Mail Online

[2] Death Becomes Her - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

More opportunities for irrelevance abound

Between retiring and having a new lease

I bought my apartment from a couple in their 70s who in turn were purchasing a comfortable retirement apartment in Arnhem by the Dutch Rhine. Four years earlier, they had come up to Amsterdam buying this apartment whilst it was still a drawing plan, having lived in Eindhoven for 25 years.

Not many people buy a new house in their 70s, one knows of none other who has done that twice in their 70s. More so, they could easily have retired in Eindhoven and lived out their lives there having lived there for 25 years already.

The couple might have been in their 70s, but they were young, youthful, young at adventure, given to opportunity for change and getting themselves a new lease of life when many of their peers were wasting away in idle retirement.

I want to be a 70 year old who has purpose, who is relevant and can still do things people half my age do and possibly do it all better.

Early retirement

In the last two decades middle managers arranged to take early retirement at around 55, however with an average life expectancy of 75, one wonders what the next 20 years would be spent doing. Golf and travel eventually take their toll on enthusiasm, a life of leisure does not equate to being relevant apart from being useful baby-sitting grand parents.

As we have all noted with the pensions crisis in Europe, we apparently cannot afford to retire before 70. Each individual now has 70 reasons to alter the course of their lives and careers to suit working until 70.

The fight against irrelevance has never been bloodier with youth, technology, globalisation, business practise and trends leaving the unprepared behind in the land of wasted dreams.

More so, it appears those in their 20s have at least 50 years of working life ahead of them, they had better be on the right train or as certain as taxes and death, irrelevance would overtake them and consign them to the scrapheap.

Strong reasons to be reasonable

Take account of your age and have a reason for each number of years to remain relevant.

At birth, you may have no reasons for anything, but even you have to draw sharp breaths to live, to cry and survive.

At 5, you might have 5 reasons why you want that present.

At 10, you might have 5 reasons why you want to stay in this school and 5 given to you about the need to go to another.

At 15, you possibly have 15 reasons to rebel against authority and do your own thing.

At 20, there are 20 reasons to realise you are becoming independent and are taking on some responsibilities.

At 25, there are 25 reasons to succeed and excel at all costs and possibly start a family.

At 30, there are 30 reasons to wonder if you are in the right career, if your dreams are getting fulfil and the weight of responsibility is easy or stressful.

At 35, there are 35 reasons for a life-audit and the same number for where you want to be at 40.

At 40 and beyond

At 40, there are 40 reasons why do you do not want to have a mid-life crises because of what you have done at 30.

At 45, there are 45 reasons why if you are beginning to feel out of place, you have to rethink some reasons you had at 35 before you reach 50.

At 50, there are 50 reasons to be at the pinnacle of your career and the beginning of a new one of mentoring to remain relevant.

At 55, there are 55 reasons to be a grandparent and the same not to be a young parent, with great concern if you are already a great-grandparent. However, there are still 15 years before retirement, how are you doing?

At 60, there are 60 reasons to earn all the accolades working a 2-day week for as much as you earned working a 12-day week in your 30s. You should be during really well and grooming a successor. Enjoy the next 10 years or else there would be 70 reasons why you did not have the reasons for every time you had the opportunity to reason.

One probably has 38 reasons for working on the changes to remain relevant.