Thought Picnic: Quiet Pursuits of Excellence

Quiet Pursuits of Excellence

Sometimes, I reflect on the fact that I lead a number of public lives which revolve around simply doing what I love, without seeking acknowledgement or reward. Something in my upbringing, in the observation of my parents and mentors, drives me towards excellence.

Much as I seek perfection, I quite frequently fall short. I upbraid myself, accuse myself, and talk to myself in a voice that calls me by my own name, because there is a conversation to be had before someone else has it with me. I would rather be my own critic, so as to be prepared to receive a better critique, one of recognition, of merit, and of acknowledgement.

Stories That Once Scared Me

There are stories from my past that frighten me, where the infirmity registered in the ravine of failure offered no opportunity or facility for recovery. It was unsalvageable wreckage, beyond repair, and utterly hopeless.

Yet, I have a better story to tell. No narrative I share today wallows in helpless resignation, for I am blessed beyond measure with testimonies of goodness, success, victory, and triumph.

The Pleasure of Work

At work, I enjoy what I do, not for the remuneration, of which I have once earned stupendously, but for the satisfaction that the knowledge and expertise I bring to bear on the mundane and the complex still matters.

I get to learn as much as I help others learn. I do what I do, not to get noticed, but to make things work. In the process, acknowledgement, respect, and rewards may well come. My motivation, however, is the pleasure.

Appearance and Carriage

In appearance, I have my own kind of dressing, something I pay attention to, because appearance and carriage matter. There have been times when I have been stopped so that pictures could be taken of me.

Once, a young man, after complimenting me, said he would love to have the confidence to dress like me. I suppose hardly a day goes by without some sort of recognition from strangers, and yet I am not out to attract attention. My motivation is simply looking good.

The Wealth of Expression

On this blog, I write about anything that takes my fancy, not for want of engagement or readership. To think there was a time when I hated writing, even though I had a great deal to say in conversation.

I am easily shy, quite introverted, and socially awkward and nervous in organised meetings where people are networking. It is in the use of words that I truly flourish. My motivation is the wealth of expression.

The Story of a Man

What all this says to me is to keep doing what I know to do, in the best possible way, with every aim to impact, improve, and perhaps impress. I will never be everyone's cup of tea, but I hope those who drink this tea enjoy it tremendously.

Decades of work, portrayal, and expression all become the story of a man. Thank you for coming by.

A Google NotebookLM AI Podcast on this blog

Thought Picnic: There is always someone worse off than you

 In the shoes of another

“I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.” Helen Keller

I stepped out this evening because I had a craving for hash browns which would normally be served as part of an English breakfast meal. I care nothing for having at supper, what should be had for breakfast.

A younger man met me to ask for alms and we both recognised each other, because over the last 18 months or so, I have been opportuned to facilitate boarding, meals, and other things that could alleviate his situation.

As I had no change, but was going to the local supermarket, I asked if he would want something to eat from there. I had not noticed that he always hid his right arm. This time as we conversed because he was aware I had cancer; he decided to show me his right arm.

Changing a congenital narrative

A condition from birth meant the bones in his arm were poorly formed and the hospital had decided to amputate the arm. He left the care of the hospital because he was not ready to deal with an amputation, but the hand was hanging of the arm, limp, swollen and could develop into a serious life-threatening condition as sepsis or worse.

That had me concerned that I advised him to seek further medical supervision based on how the possible loss of the arm might impact his quality of life. Introducing some humour, I suggested if he had a hook for a right hand, he might get to share thrilling stories with kids, because the state of the limb at this time did not offer any utility or confidence to his situation.

Nipping it in the bud

In a moment of self-deprecation, I averred that I would not want to be the making of a nursery rhyme that ran along the lines of

He was a tall and big man, it would seem,
But the walnut of his prostate was the end of him.

What can be dealt with before it becomes too serious to manage is best dealt with now. We got a meal, a snack and drinks before we parted ways. He said he would return to hospital to see what can be done for him.

I thought about how fortunate I have been, even after two episodes of cancer, no precarity, deprivation, or adversity, I have ever experienced compares to any extent, the challenges this man has seen in his own life. I hope I give him some encouragement that things can change, but anytime I see him, whatever I can do to help him, I would do.

There is always someone worse off that you, count your blessings and be grateful for who you are, and what you have.

The blessing of loving what you do

Why do you like your job?

Having heard from many others, I can only count myself blessed to enjoy what I do and my job. The responsibilities involved can be challenging and sometimes frustrating. Managerial levels, especially those in project management who impose demands for deliverables that lack any semblance of being feasible considering resources, time, and cost, are particularly difficult.

Clearly, one must be assertive enough in their area of expertise to offer a genuine perspective on what is achievable within the constraints provided. I recognised this blessing more profoundly when people asked me if I liked my job. It revealed more about how they felt about their own positions than about any genuine curiosity regarding my situation.

The fear of change

I hate to admit that it felt more like searching for kindred spirits in the shared misery of work life, which is quite sad. Fortunately, I found the courage to walk away from a job that had lost its enjoyment, excitement, and sense of progress. 

This situation often arises from how one is managed; if line managers view you as a human being, giving respect, courtesy, dignity, and trust, while also recognising your contributions, it can significantly affect your experience. 

Too often, we are constrained by the fear of leaving the comfort of the familiar for the uncertainties of the unknown. However, it has been in those moments that I have left the comfort of a stable job with a regular salary and no clear prospects for advancement or promotion, that I have stepped into more exciting and rewarding roles and opportunities.

Take that vital step

You must step out and away to step into something better. A brief discomfort might herald better things to come. Naturally, one must have faith in oneself and in the experiences acquired, which may be underappreciated where you currently are, but seen as invaluable elsewhere.

What you do not want is for the transient notion of job security to rob you of career autonomy and erode your ambition, leading to a loss of confidence in your marketability.

Many of us should explore better ways to market our skills in varied environments. A curriculum vitae needs enhancement to catch the eyes of recruiters beyond a mundane presentation.

Trust your capable self

When it ceases to be enjoyable, do not waste time hoping it will improve if the personnel, purpose, or project has not changed. Reinventing oneself can be an appealing and distinguishing factor in the job market; moreover, no knowledge or experience is ever truly wasted. This may necessitate a period of inactivity or a change of surroundings.

This is why I believe that, regardless of what you undertake, its value or impact may not be immediately apparent, but your own progress is something others elsewhere might appreciate.

Reassess your options; you have likely exhausted the potential for growth within your current engagement and need new fertile ground of people, projects, and purposes to write another wonderful chapter in your career and life.

Finally, you are the principal participant in the story of your life, do not let another make you a victim of your circumstances, think of number one and take care of number one first, learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all.

A prostate cancer diagnosis, one year on

Time always matters.

In the passage of time lies the recognition of many things: living, living well, and the joy of living. This is true despite, and in spite of, other issues such as adversity, disappointment, unfulfilled yearnings, betrayals, and episodes of diagnoses that lay bare our vulnerability and mortality.

I count my blessings and celebrate each day as an opportunity to enjoy and behold the goodness in people, ideas, and places. Having the strength and means to do so places us among the privileged in ways we often fail to appreciate.

I rarely consider myself lucky; I am more inclined to think of myself as fortunate, not by my own doing or ability, but by mercy and grace. I can only express my gratitude that each day brings opportunity and ease, ample ability, and extraordinary capacity.

The extent of our imagination and vision defines our limitations; we can only exceed them through inspiration and revelation. The scope of our influence can be limitless, but until we believe it and are convinced of that possibility, we resemble chickens seeking the perspective of eagles.

Once you know, you know.

A year ago today, I was reading hospital notes from the consultant I had seen the day before, and in an instant, I became a victim of computerization without appropriate human oversight.

A diagnosis that I should never have learnt about before meeting the responsible consultant appeared in my records and was something the consultant I visited the day before should have reviewed before posting.

That is how I unwittingly discovered the diagnosis of adenocarcinoma of the prostate. A year is quite a long time when it comes to a cancer diagnosis, as you are left wondering what it entails, if it is treatable, how you will tolerate the treatment once you have decided on whatever course is available, and the aftereffects of that ordeal.

Giving thanks always.

I was not prepared for a second diagnosis of cancer, but when it came, I encouraged myself with words and sermons about healing and living, seeing beyond adversity, and leaving no room for discouragement, regardless of the prospects ahead.

Obviously, some eight months after completing radical radiotherapy, some lingering side effects remain; my voice is light, high, and sometimes sounds quite tired, but in myself, as Brian would typically enquire, I am doing fine. All thanks to God, my partner, my friends, my colleagues, the teams of medical personnel striving for the best outcomes, and that earnest desire to tell a better story.

This puts everything into perspective; each day is a blessing.

Blog - Photons on the Prostate - XVIV - I Just Can't Wait

Blog - Men's things - XXIV - A presentation

Blog - Men's things - Prostate Cancer blogs

59 and blessed

Of great blessing

I must be one of the most fortunate and blessed men, yet I am usually unaware of how great mercy and grace have been bestowed upon me. I am thankful and grateful for each day that reveals nothing is of my doing; it is all by the grace of God.

Today, I celebrate my 59th birthday, and many events have occurred in my life that any observer would never have imagined this day would come. Even though I have not dared to think of it, I have just taken each day as it has come.

Of adverse circumstance

When this year began, I was celebrating the 15th year after a life-threatening cancer diagnosis that studies at that time suggested most people never get to live another decade. My story found a turning point at that cancer diagnosis; if I had finished my autobiography, my understanding of life, surviving, and thriving would have pivoted around it.

I never anticipated a diagnosis of malignant prostate cancer, which was confirmed in June after five months of tests and investigations to determine what we had to deal with. I visited Cape Town to see Brian after that diagnosis, quite unaware of what lay in store. It was a different kind of cancer that was invisible and painless but could have, if undiscovered, killed me.

Of living blessed

The only way I found to address my concerns was to listen to sermons about faith and healing. I knew I would undergo some sort of treatment and expected the outcome to be cancer-free. I undertook radical radiotherapy in September/October and have returned to Cape Town to recuperate and recover with the support and care of Brian.

I owe my life, my love, my joy, my happiness, and my belief in a great future ahead to God, my Lord Jesus, my partner, my close friends, my supportive colleagues, and every well-wisher who has offered words of encouragement and material help. Indeed, I am blessed, mightily blessed indeed.

Thank you.

Men's things - XVIII

Rescued to the uttermost

The righteous person faces many troubles, but the LORD comes to the rescue each time. [BibleHub: Psalm 34:19 (NLT)]

This thinking is the fundamental of the challenges and triumphs of 2024, so far. The thought of rescue is a mindset that I am not alone and that there is help well beyond my capability, facility, or resources that plucks me out of dire situations into safety and security. This is a blessing as it means one is neither hopeless nor helpless.

In writing to a friend, to whom I was relaying the events of this year I realised that each month brought interesting and wonderful developments, I am full of thankfulness and gratitude, everything will turn out right.

A blessed year showing up

In January, 2023 had come to an end without any idea of what the New Year had in store, I attended a church service in the suburbs every turmoil set aside for fellowship and praise. Then I had to face some realities, a need for reengagement and the niggling issue of a blood test that had indicators of concern. I received good news and an invitation to attend the doctor’s surgery for some tests.

In February, the blood tests showed that I had anaemia and on the other front, a prospect was taking an inordinately long time to complete. I got to travel the farthest I had in more than 18 months and met up with some old friends who were glad to see me but preferred another. As I boarded my train, a blessing dropped into my life and a moment of great change beckoned. What I wanted was only deferred, I just needed to be patient.

Wisdom is the principal thing

In March, my joy was complete in that I was glad to be counted among the living, the thriving, and the blessed. On the blood front, the anaemia was dealt with, but my prostate was telling concerning tales. That needed checking out. Meanwhile, I had to manage my particulars and experience to fulfil all the requirements for an engagement which was sometimes stressful but not insurmountable. Where I ran out of ideas, wisdom came to rescue me in ways I could not have anticipated.

In April, I was ready for a new challenge even in areas where I thought I had little expertise, I felt it was an opportunity for growth. My doctor had a quick touch and felt my prostate was enlarged too and he referred me to the urology department of our NHS trust, and this set off a range of other tests and the need for an MRI scan. I had much better music to listen to this time.

You are owed an explanation

In May, as I was taking things in my stride, I was invited to the hospital to discuss the results of the multiparametric MRI scan. I had many questions before I could agree to have a biopsy of my prostate. The challenge of facing paternalism in medicine, where they do not believe you should be intimated with every detail that leads to a decision reared its head. We had an interesting encounter and a lasting lesson: I need to be treated as knowledgeable and respectfully informed.

In June, it was just a short email informing me that a period of review had been successfully completed. My annual checkup contained information that should have been better managed as I had not seen the consultant before the detail ended up in my notes, it was a careless mistake. However, I knew it was prostate cancer but that had to take a backseat, I was going to see Brian and that was a beautiful thing.

Celebrate life over adversity

In July, before returning to discuss the options for the treatment of prostate cancer. We had a wonderful time in Cape Town. Understanding what prostate cancer meant was daunting and neither of the intended procedures seemed pleasant when looking at the post-operative or post-treatment situation. I was sanguine as I began to understand things better to do things I had only dreamt of being able to do.

In August, I found myself embedded in a changing and exciting process where I automated and facilitated things that at first would have been painstakingly difficult, manual and prone to error. My confidence grew in areas where I would not have projected my abilities. Then another encounter with medical paternalism was both challenging and upsetting. However, I had got all the information I needed and was ready for my treatment plan.

Maintain the God perspective

In September, there is growth, blessing, anticipation, and expectation. Even as I begin treatment next week, I am also enjoying what I do, each challenge becomes an opportunity to see things differently and find solutions in exciting ways. I am thankful for the blessing of confidence, comfort, and love. To have love and friends who care so deeply and fondly for you makes it a wonderful world.

There are more things of goodness, mercy, grace, favour, and blessings, to come. I am irrepressible because the Lord delivers me fully, wholly, wonderfully, and beautifully. My mouth is filled with testimonies, this little inconvenience will pass, and each subsequent month will have more amazing things to share. The men’s things will dissolve into nothing, and God’s things will be astounding miracles.

Men's Things Blogs

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Blog - Men's things - XVII

A Sunday of shifting devotional gears

An early start

What a long Sunday it was, a full engagement in religious activities that were a great blessing. I had set the alarm for 8:00 AM to get up for my first service which I had intended would be for the 9:00 AM service at !Audacious Church.

It has become an occasional activity to give my Christian experience on a Sunday the widest latitude. Over time, I have acculturated to the kind of vibe in that atmosphere than I found able to adapt to about a decade ago. Its evangelical and Pentecostal slant is quite an energetic early start to a Sunday morning. The praise and worship music and ministration of the word, are scripted into just under 75 minutes.

Blog - !Audacious Church, Manchester (March 2014)

From contemporary to traditional

With just half a mile (0.8 kilometres) between !Audacious Church and Manchester Cathedral, on days I am not on the rota to be a church steward at the cathedral, I can have a brisk walk in about 10 minutes to the cathedral for the Sung Eucharist at 10:30 AM.

The gears are totally changed between church customs, my familiarity with both and the way I feel quite blessed with participation in one and the involved community of the other is something I cannot explain that well. The former is quite a youthful contemporary church with some songs sounding like what you would hear on an Oasis album, at least I felt that way this morning.

The solemnity of a choir accompanied by the Stoller Organ singing traditional tuneful hymns with a structured service format and the Holy Communion registers a different yet impactful devotion. The congregation has no pretensions, the doors are open, and the setting is welcoming.

After the Sung Eucharist, I participated in the bible study which for this month is about women in the bible, the topic was on the character, leadership, and activities of Deborah and Jael. In the book of Judges, chapters 4 and 5. It was a robust and lively conversation of thoughts and views that ran for over an hour. [Renew.org: Deborah and Jael: Unexpected Leaders]

The bishop in the Village

Returning home, I did not have much time to prepare for the Village Church, an initiative supported by the Anglican Church to support the spirituality of the LGBTQ+ community in the centre of the Manchester Gay Village. The LGBT Foundation lends its premises to this ministry for free on Sunday afternoons every second and fourth Sunday of the month. [Anglican Diocese of Manchester: Village Church launches in Manchester]

This has been happening for almost a year and is just around the corner from my home. We had the pleasure of the Bishop of Manchester as the president and preacher for this Sung Eucharist. It exemplifies the sense that our local Christian community does not just pay lip service to inclusivity but involves itself fully in allowing spiritual expression and fellowship, regardless of persuasion.

Blog - Stewarding at the Pride Eucharist (August 2023)

Jesus died for all, and the diocesan leadership have determined to encourage, embrace, and serve everyone genuinely yearning for Christian fellowship. As we finished and cleared up at the venue, it was almost 6:00 PM. I might have retired soon after, at home, if I had not entertained some congregants.

I felt a sense of wanting to be involved, engaged, contributing, giving and participating, the broad lesson at the beginning of All Together which touched on Tithes (resources), Talent (skills & abilities), Time (capacity), resonated with me, it is this kind of mindfulness that prepares you for a great blessing. It was a wonderful day that the Lord hath made.

Thought Picnic: Enemies present to see me blessed

In the grip of superstition

Sometimes, I find myself at that point of conflict between traditions and beliefs, the things we find ourselves doing because of fear, premonition, superstition, or customs we think the good and good fortune that comes our way is under constant threat from bad forces or persons.

We live with a tendency to believe that ill will exists at every turn, both in its proximity and in its distance, we inadvertently limit agency and facility because we give over the wealth of grace made available to us to the control of possible malevolence than trusting in unassailable benevolence.

Whilst one understands that there is no glory or praise in adversity, any adversity is essentially part of the construct of life, the more consequential matter is how one deals with adversity. For instance, when I was asked how I could avoid conflict from arising in some setting, I posited that avoiding conflict is rarely a function under our control, but addressing the issue in order the resolve it is one we need to have the skill to do.

Enemies present to see me blessed

It is against this backdrop, from the deepest recesses of my beliefs and faith, that I found that some advice I was receiving did not sit well with me. I can attest to many circumstances where I have found assurance, comfort, and solace from a verse of scripture that overwhelms and brings to naught the effect of something that in other situations would be damaging and impossible to overcome.

(Psa 23:5 NLT) You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honour me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings.

My understanding of this verse is that God blesses you for the observation of your adversaries and detractors. They are to see and know that you are blessed and blessed abundantly. The blessing of God is not something to be hidden. To enjoy the blessing of God is not a thing of personal pride, but one of glorifying God as it pleases God to bless His people.

The irreversible blessings of God

(Num 23:20 NLT) Listen, I received a command to bless; God has blessed, and I cannot reverse it!

In this Bible story where the prophet Balaam was spoken to by the ass he was riding, Balaam was being engaged by a king with the promise of a great reward to curse the people of Israel. What is fundamental here is that what God has done in His goodness cannot be repudiated. To the frustrated king procuring Balaam’s services, the clear message was, that what God has blessed cannot be reversed.

(Psa 118:6 NLT) The LORD is for me, so I will have no fear. What can mere people do to me?

(Psa 118:7 NLT) Yes, the LORD is for me; he will help me. I will look in triumph at those who hate me.

As I was writing this blog, the verses above came to me, even as others that I will further meditate on have percolated into my consciousness. This challenges many premises, but until you know your station and status, it might well be meaningless. The fundamental here is that the LORD is for me and with that confidence, I should not fear what people can or think they have the power to do to me.

This is reinforced in the next verse, confirming that the LORD is indeed for me, not just idling, but helping me so that I get to look in triumph at those who do not wish me well for whatever reasons they might have.

Goodness and mercy fully attached

The focus really should be on God rather than them, regardless of what they might be up to. I lay hold of this assurance receiving the honour bestowed on me by the one whose blessings no one can reverse. As always, the issue is getting to appreciate the powerfulness of your standing against the powerlessness of any assailant.

That is what gives the last verse of Psalm 23 its grounding in faith and reality. I remain convinced that famines pass for times of abundance beyond every means or measure of understanding. We only have to trust in the unfailing love of God to know that we always win.

(Psa 23:6 NLT) Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the LORD forever.

Writing a miracle story

An odyssey at close

Ten years ago, I left the Netherlands to return to the UK with nothing more than a suitcase and a bag of hope. It was the end of my 13-year odyssey, everything I had enjoyed in life and means – a memory; as I had reached a turning point, to start all over again.

In the three years before my departure, my whole life had taken a big hit, what looked like Athlete’s foot in early 2009 was in fact, AIDS-defining cancer, Kaposi’s sarcoma which at the complete diagnosis presented a dilemma of truth my consultant frankly shared, that if I did not respond to the treatment they knew worked, I only had 5 weeks left.

In the aftermath of what I call the long tail of cancer, for those who have a story after surviving it, everything I owned, I had lost, including my home of ten and a half years which I sold at a loss. All attempts to restart my life in the Netherlands fell through, I was in a prodigal spiral in need of a change.

A trial of the times

Making the decision to return to the UK, which to me was my home country was met with opposition and against other counsel, I knew for my own sake, it was time to close that chapter. I wrote to six of my closest friends who I envisioned in my mind would be my pallbearers, I just did not know what time I had left.

In the last paragraph, I wrote, “I am hopeful that things will turn however without intending to sound morbid, if anything does happen to me by reason of the circumstances I have encountered, I will want to be seen by friends and be rested in the land of my birth.” I was not giving up; I was being as realistic as I could be without making assumptions about my future. [My eyes welled up as I read that letter again, I have come a long way, indeed.]

Writing a miracle story

I have been exceedingly blessed because goodness, mercy, and favour followed me. I got a UK mobile number, updated my CV, and started looking for jobs. Within 6 days of my return to the UK, I had secured a contract and a rate hike during negotiations to travel around Europe as an implementation lead. It was to last 6 months, but due to issues with the company in the US, it was canned within 6 weeks, maybe a misfortune of sorts, but I was getting back in my stride.

Looking back 10 years, I have lived a miracle, for with the condition I had, apparently, some medical studies suggested survivors did not live beyond a decade after the disease and we are in the baker’s dozen years, I am here, doing well, keeping well, living well, full of hope and prospects, truly, deeply, and madly in love with the most extraordinary man who swept into my life in December 2018, Brian is my joy.

There is so much to write about, but I want to celebrate life, the power of hope, the showers of blessing, the mercy of God, the love of the heart, the pursuit of happiness, the support and candour of friends, my wonderful parents who have travelled incredibly unimaginable journeys of my experiences, my siblings, siblings (nieces and nephews), and cousins, sadly departed uncles and friends, and the spirit that never gives up.

Thank you all for being part of my story.

We lose more than virtue without feedback

Encouragement and peace

When the woman with the issue of blood as was related in 3 gospels of the Bible determined to touch the hem of Jesus’ garment, she believed she would be made whole. Whole, as in healed and fully restored to good health, but Jesus also gave her more than she was looking for, he said, “Daughter, be of good cheer; your faith has made you well. Go in peace.” [Bible Gateway: Luke 8:43-48(NKJV)]

Those were very comforting words; first of great encouragement and then of full absolution that she did not have to worry that she had surreptitiously acquired her healing without asking or getting permission from the healer. There can be a lesson here about our interaction with God, but this is not what the blog is about.

The drawing of virtue

In another rendition of the same story, Jesus said, “Who touched me?”, He was in the press of a crowd, thronged and jostled, everyone and anyone could have been touching him, at least, that is why Peter was baffled, that he inquired, “Master, the multitudes throng and press You, and You say, ‘Who touched Me?’” To which Jesus answered, “Somebody touched Me, for I perceived power going out from Me.” Another translation used virtue rather than power.

Everyone was touching Jesus, but this woman had a different touch of determination that drew healing power from the touch of his garment to cure at an instant a woman who had suffered a debilitating condition for 12 years.

I have none of that virtue or power, but sometimes, someone would approach from something they might have observed about me for something they need, like help, advice, comfort, encouragement, for something to quell their uneasy sense of angst, concern, or fear.

Feedback helps all

Generally, I would volunteer what I have to share in the experiences I have learnt, the choice of words I have been given to speak or write, or any other means by which I could be helpful. I guess everyone including Jesus needs some feedback and a backstory that gives context to the demand so that a full narrative of the human experience is not like a chance of fate or some hit-and-run encounter.

It is draining and exhausting when you readily and openly give that good cheer and peace into the turmoil of existence and you get nothing back in regards to whether they have been helped or not at all. Then, one does not want to become parsimonious with the blessings we have enjoyed that could be employed for the good of others, however, feedback helps encourage all participants. We are encouraged to be more helpful as much as we hope that our encouragement is of great help.

My experience giving hope

In one situation, I was approached by a young man who in his 30s was experiencing his first encounters with sex and an idea of his sexuality, he was bothered he might have contracted HIV and he was ready to do himself in if the test he was going for came back positive. Providence brought him to me to encourage him on many fronts, the necessity for the test even as he was asking if the symptoms, he was experiencing meant he had contracted HIV.

I categorically told him, that only a test could confirm his status and to go by his symptoms which could be indicative of something else would just create unnecessary anxiety. That medical result was a critical indicator of what should happen next. Then, regardless of what the test result is, it was not the end of life, rather it would mark a transition of knowledge into what to do beyond that realisation. There were examples of people who went on to do remarkable things after an HIV diagnosis.

There was extensive medical help and expertise to manage HIV so he could expect the best outcomes for both his health and his life prospects. Apart from the fact that he should not go down the avenue of blaming himself and falling into depression, but he should be prepared to face up to the interesting life ahead, that sex is there for enjoyment and not as a taboo that gives life a guilt-ridden existence.

What happened after?

I had the feeling that I had both encouraged him and given him a sense of peace, he was ready to take the HIV test and whatever the result he would make the best of it. On the day of his test, I sent him some words of encouragement, wishing him all the very best. Then I heard nothing, no communication or indication, a week passed, and it was going into the middle of the second week when I decided to send him a message.

Well, our young man was off to Malta for a holiday, and I was left none the wiser as to whether this was to celebrate or commiserate on his HIV test result or life was just going on as normal. Much as I was curious, I did not want to dampen the moment with apathy borne of my sense of losing virtue in giving encouragement but not being intimated of the consequence. I kept ruminating about it and the many other times when you give out of your deepest experiences to lift people out of despair and then just move on.

Go in peace

Now, I doubt if the woman with the issue of blood would have lost her healing if she had slunk back into the crowds and not revealed herself to Jesus and the thronging crowd. She might have had a pang of conscience, but she would have been fine. It was her prerogative to reveal or conceal herself. However, if she had concealed herself, her story would never have been told, even as Jesus knew that virtue had left him.

None of the gospel writers even bothered to ask about the woman, her name, where she was from if she had family or any other history. Her story is narrated in a few verses, she had a condition she had suffered for 12 years, she determined Jesus could help, she touched him, and she was healed. Indeed, if there is any healing we can offer humanity around us, we should continue to give liberally and generously, a lot more is contributed to that activity if we know the help offered has been helpful in any way.

As for our young friend, I do hope whatever the result, he has decided to live and live well, beyond which he can be a great blessing to others.

Bet Lehem in Tuican hom

From the ancient to the authentic

I was in Tuican hom in modern-day Twickenham, the place between two rivers, the Thames and the Crane, or so it was written of a place first recorded in 704 AD and that was a long time ago, just as I was with a friend I had known from way back when my innocence was losing its virtue.

From the many things we did and the memories we shared and then brunch at an authentic Italian restaurant, for many of the patrons, Italian did speak, we made for the station of carriages drawn not by horses and my last bit of hand tissues was left in the hands of a man who by trying to avoid the crowds, slipped and fell into the road, drawing blood from his nose bridge. We worried, but he was fine.

Loafing towards a seat

Passing through the ticket gates and down to the platform where my electric-powered carriage was to arrive in just under 10 minutes, I could almost gambol towards a vacant seat, but there was none as strewn across three seats were what I thought were bags of shopping, but the lady on seeing me made to remove the bags for me to take a seat.

Strangely, the bags were full of loaves of bread, different kinds and shapes, but before I landed a quip to feed my curiosity, she said she had all this bread leftover from tending a Celtic Bakers store at the Twickenham Farmers' Market, all variants of sourdough bread that she could not throw away and she offered us some, for free.

Breaking the bread of blessing

For a moment, we were in a moment of spiritual transfiguration to Bet Leḥem (“House of Bread”) in Hebrew, or Bethlehem as we now know it, the lady a priest with knowledge, wisdom, and revelation of breads like a sommelier, showing us the scriptures of bread afresh and winning us over to a new experience of bread so different and unique.

Even I was caught in the spirit of bread so divine, I was given a loaf and offered more, but there may be others just in need of this sustenance. Another party, a lady too got involved in the conversation between the three of us, she also took a loaf before she asked about a Jewish sweet loaf, and there was one on offer, too big for one to take and so we broke the bread and shared the blessing of life.

Her carriage arrived to take her swiftly off to Windsor where she might even find herself the welcome audience in the court of Elizabeth II, before our own carriage arrived, wherein I bid the priestess farewell not to be taken to taken to my Waterloo, but to emerge at the pleasure gardens of vokzal (Russian) or Vauxhall railway station, today. [BBC: Waterloo and Vauxhall]

We shared bread and broke bread.

Making possible out of apparent impossibility

When the minor is major

There are times when I think I am going to do something rather impulsive triggered by a stroke of luck or good fortune, I am primed and ready in mind and thought as if to act and pounce upon the opportunity when it arises. That part is somewhat set up even if the practicalities of it have not yet been fully considered, I have the confidence that is a mere formality.

Then, there is a passage of time and fortuitously as the apparently mundane in life is happening, there is a confluence of events not exactly as the hope for that type of luck desired, yet it is a build-up quite unexpected but just as significant. A landmark is reached that makes you realise you have been sitting quite unbeknownst on a blessing, your unawareness is gifted by the fact that it is not so obvious or sudden, like miraculous or lucky.

Count the blessings, always

This is where we risk the mundane leading us into moot ingratitude and the apparently normal makes us seem unthankful and by that unreflective of how so wonderfully blessed, privileged and successful we are. Rash as one can be in decision-making, then determined as one can be in purpose, all things and I mean all things do work together for the good.

I am thankful that goodness, mercy, favour, and more surround me, that I am given more than enough sometimes as of right, as of requirement, as of worth, or as of just the way things work out, all of which one should not be ashamed to live in the reality of, then never forgetting to show that what has become possible to one should not be an impossibility to others who can just dare to dream it.

We are destined for great things

Let it rain with life

There are days and quite a few when I have walked into the rainfall, pelted by heavy showers and buffeted by the wind. You wrap up warm and face the elements to fulfil your walking quota for the day. Sometimes, you wonder why you do it, then you realise determination is the stuff getting done what needs doing regardless of the prevailing circumstances.

For the ease of many things that I dream of and quite desire, I wish for a windfall, more substantial that the rain that falls upon my barely weathered brow by which I can touch many and bring ease to burdens that weigh down and aspirations that remain the stuff of thoughts limited by ability or resource. You believe that the heavens will open and bring forth blessings like the floods of Noah, but what is a world where only you and yours exist in an ark?

Then we reign with plenty

Beyond those near heavens that brings forth the rain and gives life to the trees that presage the windfall of bountiful fruit. The universe offers a greater spectacle of awe and wonder, a meteor shower. The glow and glitter, the experience like once in a lifetime markedly giving you a memory never to be forgotten.

This is the stuff of stories, what we view of the world and beyond, the reach which is given provenance as the seeds of stories that blow your mind. It is more than rain, it helped by the wind, and when all that is gone, we behold a universe so distant brought near by the light it possesses. Neither the moon, the sun nor the stars can rival the coming of the meteor.

It becomes the sign of the times, a marker in the eternal spectrum of time, that is the blessing that fills our lives and makes a wonder of our very own stories. Let the writing begin, for we are here to tell better stories.

Azure: A blessing of the bright blue in colour like a cloudless sky

Share the useful things

Just a short note to acknowledge even the small blessings. Last night I happened upon some course material that had been lingering in the background. Microsoft offered a free hour’s webinar that I attended after work two days ago and in that hour, I learnt some things I never knew were possible quite surprisingly.

The technological landscape is changing, just as the workplace is. We are in the constant self-improvement quest to remain relevant and retain prominence. Everything is moving to the cloud. I had the course on playback on my television this morning and it just occurred to me to share it with some friends and on Twitter and Facebook.

See the unlikely rewards

I was gratified to know some of my friends were already exploring the option, others found it could be useful, but most notably, a friend with whom I have had a working relationship as far back as 2004, who had given me some insight in career development many times before, contacted me to offer some additional material and tips from his study programme, very helpful stuff.

Besides finding that it helped link me up with other friends. I liked the feeling that a simply act of dissemination in the hope that someone might gain some benefit has redounded more than could be expected.

I am even more thankful because illustrates the point I am swift to make; an open hand is that is ready to receive. That is how the blessing gets around.

The stuff to play with

If you are interested in gaining a cloud technologies certification in Microsoft Azure, you can start with Exam AZ-900: Microsoft Azure Fundamentals, follow the 3:10 hours YouTube course Microsoft Azure Fundamentals Certification Course (AZ-900) below (There are quite a few training outfits offering the course and some bundle it with a free exam voucher.) then extend your knowledge of Azure with the free Learn Azure in a Month of Lunches book that you can read as a webpage and download as a PDF.

If you do find any of this useful and go on to do the exam, please return to leave a note of your experience. Thank you.

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As I luxuriate in abundance

Knowing abundance is life

Every moment is suffused in abundance, my nostrils drawing in fulness into my lungs and giving life, the abundance of life and the many things that make a story of the life we live.

I wake up in the morning and breathe a prayer like an abundance to my nostrils to bring a blessing on Brian and me, our families, our friends and many more things. That grace may abound towards us, that favour shall come from men and everywhere to shield us, that mercies might be found in every place and that we are bathed in goodness.

In these tough times that have made my voice quaver in conversation with those who seek what they have heretofore not had to ask for to get it, they are unrelenting to upset my peace, but I cannot allow my composure to desert me as I find the abundance to fill the lack and meet the need.

A shepherd guards my soul

In my life, I have the knowledge that this walk through another valley of the shadow of death is on the way to new abundant green pastures and still calm waters. My soul is continually restored with the protection from anxiety and the turbulence of worry. Things will come good, and time is a process in the direction of the things that will make this pass.

I take no thought for the abundance in which I exist to enjoy the beauty of life, for it is a blessing for which thanks and praise can never be sufficient. The completeness is where love and peace abide in the company of those who matter, with my Brian first, he prospering amazingly and with all that are connected to me or can be impacted by me. I am made tough, toughened, and tougher, yet with effortless ease live in abundance. [A vision of Psalm 23]

From my heart out of a lonely place

Unselfish but reflexive

There is an independent streak in me that puts up a rather stoic front, as I strive to listen to others without inserting my own story into their situation usurping their need for succour for my need to be heard.

However, it was interesting to engage in a conversation about the lockdown where experiences of returning home to a full house had its issues, but it called for some reflection as there were people in lockdown alone in singledom, denied or unable to be with partners, lovers, or family out of circumstances beyond their control.

Between making the best of human interaction with present loved ones and handling communication hamstrung by distance and outside of remediation because of international strictures, the former is a greater blessing. When I say I pine, the feeling is deep even though the words I need to express it are nigh on impossible to find for writing in a blog or speaking on a video conference.

Say a little prayer

My heart and mind is in and at a place, buoyed on by memories and moments of happiness and contentment, the place is Cape Town, the person is Brian, the promise we have made to each other is whatever comes, our future is together and it would be in a place of our choosing for our convenience.

There are things we cannot see beyond the present as to how these things will come about, but this is a journey we have started and with providence and good fortune on our side, we would see to a fitting and happy conclusion. Count the blessings of being in bosom of those you love and say a prayer for those who cannot and most especially for those who are still trying to find somebody to love.

From the deepest part of my heart, earnestly, I say, “Grow this man as you grow me and more in blessing and opportunity that he will have the wherewithal to seize and make the very best of the amazing potential he has in him.” I say a little prayer you, Brian.

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Of things that make you go, Wow!

The gift of a good story

The unexplainable becoming a story of good fortune, in that one cannot trace or determine the circumstances in which something has come to pass, is the stuff of miracles.

Whether you believe in miracles or not, there are times when you realise there is nothing in your own power you could have done to bring about the results that are laid before you as a gift and a blessing. That is when you look up as there is nothing to look around to and give thanks for providence has come with a bounty to put warmth in the heart and rouge on the cheeks that scaffold your smile.

The summary of a pleasant day

Today began so ordinarily and even quite slowly too, then time in the majesty of eternal motion took up speed, things that did have any prospect of happening soon were happening next, before you could catch your breath, another thing was bearing swiftly to you a distant future to within a present with reach.

Once again, I am given a story, brought from the brink of the prodigal into the embrace of the benevolent, that I can only be thankful and full of gratitude. The morning and the evening is another day, yet, a day that the Lord has made. Say a word of thanks on my behalf and may we all receive unexpectedly, a story better than we could ever have contemplated or imagined.

Thought Picnic: Considering the blessing of people in my life

Finding people of influence

I decided to review some of the handwritten notes I took with regards to the Deepak Chopra Creating Abundance: 21-Day Meditation Challenge. The exercise for Day 1 having completed Day 0 which was the invitation to consent participate was to make a list of 50 people who had influenced my life.

Blog - My thoughts on the Deepak Chopra 21-day Abundance Meditation

We were given the latitude to consider people living or dead, relatives, friends, celebrities, writers, and personalities who I might no9t necessarily know who might have influence and contributed to my growth and development.

It looked like a daunting task because at first, I did not think I would have 20 names, then I ended up with 54, comprised of lovers, friends, relations, managers, writers and religious people. I am surprised I had no performers, though some on the list were artists, and I could not find a distinctive identification related to professions, even though they all covered a broad spectrum of endeavour.

Why they each mattered

In listing keywords beside the names, I began from the last name listed through to the first, the first in the list was my boyfriend, Brian and then it radiated out of my immediate circle to different albeit significant influences. I had about 30 keywords distributed amongst the names, some having multiple keywords.

In my review today, I decided the count the occurrences of the keywords to assess the weights in the categories of influence listed. I found that Friendship came first, then Story, Teacher, and Opportunity shared the second place, the shared fifth place went to Mentorship and Leadership, the seventh places were Love, Generosity, and Adaptability, with the tenth places shared with Humility, Companionship, and Belief.

My friendships are significant

Now, this was not to rank the importance of each keyword because it would not tell any story in the proper context, yet, I do cherish Friendship, I was surprised I had that many in the categories of Mentorship and particularly Leadership as I am somewhat averse to concerted efforts to lead even though it is important in the management of people, their talents and towards certain objectives.

Love and Companionship obviously came from my lovers, the current who has the pride of place as first amongst others, yet, I maintain good friendships with most of my previous significant romantic relationships. I think some of the significant ways I have been influenced are not by direct instruction, but through observation, experience, and example.

The seeds they sowed in me

I love to stories, we are story people, I hope that I am teachable much I desire to be able to teach purposefully, and as I have been given many opportunities, I sometimes see an opportunity where it appears there is none and hope to present an opportunity for others to see prospects and well beyond themselves. The people who have believed in me gave me a world to explore well beyond what I could have imagined.

In all, the exercise probably allowed me to reflect on the different people who have entered my life at different times, some having gone, some forgotten and others enduring, everyone, regardless of the state of our relationship today needs to be cherished for I owe them all a debt of gratitude. In each of the people on that list, I find I can count a blessing in my life, naming them one by one and realise what I privilege it has been to be have been given the gift of these people to sow a seed of positive influence in my life, that grew into a tree of life.