It's A Wonderful Life

Help is coming

Sometimes, it is not clear what things people are going through: demands, pressures, trauma, psychological issues, unmet goals, unfulfilled dreams, or just the humdrum of daily life. In all this, one must continue to live and seek to thrive, because that is what living is all about.

I just finished watching an abridged version of the 1946 film, It's A Wonderful Life, on Amazon Prime Video, which would form the themes of our discussions in church during the Advent season that started last Sunday, but was deferred for the silver jubilee of our bishop's enthronement as a bishop in the Church of England.

There were times when I shed a tear while watching the film, which, on its release, barely broke even at the box office, but over the years, has become a Christmas staple of generosity and redemption against the odds. The need for a life partner, for prayer, and knowing you have a guardian angel can make all the difference to an existence bordering on despondency.

“Senior Angel: A man down on Earth needs our help.
Clarence: Splendid. Is he sick?
Senior Angel: No, worse. He's discouraged.” A conversation in heaven from the film.

Under the darkest clouds

The concept of being discouraged stems from various factors, including losing confidence or hope, feeling that one's efforts don't make a difference, or believing goals are out of reach. These issues meet us in different places and affect us to varying degrees.

There may be the kind of resilience that helps one see beyond the present, or sometimes one can get overwhelmed to the point of seeking an outlet. Either way, this represents the fragility of our humanity, which is difficult to explain to people who see us as stalwarts and leaders, in thought and deed.

In the last few months, even as I seem to have powered through a lot of things in health, at work, and in general relationships, I am drawn to the realisation that I might be exhausted. Feeling a lot better after cancer treatment, whilst grateful for the developments and progress, does not make it less impactful. It was a daunting situation, with support coming from just a handful of people.

The safety of withdrawing

Apart from the two weeks' break I had in August and September, I have worked since the first working day of the year, returning from sick leave and hardly structuring the return to work. In terms of family, most just thought it was another headache; only two of my siblings kept engaged from when I was diagnosed through my treatment.

I began to cut down on my social interactions and withdrew into my shell, my engagements mainly limited to my partner, my best friend, my church community, the work environment, and a few friends. I need the time to myself without shouldering responsibilities or fielding issues. I have done enough for the purposes of legacy, if that matters at all.

Even at the emotional low points, I must encourage myself. I see possibility within the flux and the fog, knowing the dark clouds have to shift for the sunshine to give light, warmth, and life.

Most of all, I am truly fortunate, exceedingly grateful, and amazingly blessed. “No man is a failure who has friends.” I am thankful for the friends I have; they pray for me, support me, encourage me, give me hope, and restore my faith, showing me such undeserved, unconditional love. It is indeed a wonderful life, after all.

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Dreamscape: Truancy presages abject failure

Why I was a truant

It is becoming like a haunting of my dreams, for in times past, I played truant. My absence from class could never be properly understood. When one school report included the word "truant," my mother, a secondary school principal at the time, took such offence that I had to check if we were sharing the same meaning of the word.

In secondary school, my truancy was borne of boredom: boring teachers, even more boring subjects, and a total lack of engagement. In my English class, for instance, the whole activity was pedestrian. I was probably not helped by the fact that English is my mother tongue, as opposed to a second language, even though it was the official language of Nigeria.

Later in life, I came to understand that while I naturally understood the language, I did not understand the mechanics of it. I knew why a sentence had to be a certain way, but not how the elements of language were arranged to make it so. This became evident when a Dutch teacher of English used my intuition as a native speaker to review his notes. I found myself learning about the scaffolding that gives English its structure and grammar.

The unpleasantness of bad English

Elsewhere, my disinterest was compounded by distraction. In certain classes, I was so clueless about what was going on that I drew a total blank. It would have been so helpful to have had a student affairs department that addressed emotional, mental, and psychological health; I might have been saved a lot of misery.

The worst culprit, however, was a lecturer in electrical materials. His teaching style rankled to the point of irritation, and how he ever became a lecturer in a tertiary institution baffles me to this day. If he had used sign language, I might have been more engaged. Nearly every sentence of more than two words contained a malapropism or a grammatical flaw, and I felt such an urge to correct him that I could barely listen.

I remember in primary school, a new pupil came to our class and announced, "Teacher told me to come to class." We all laughed, as it sounded different, strange, and odd. He ended up in another class, but we soon became good family friends.

Always found wanting in Maths class

The haunting that has invaded my dreams for a long time now is finding myself in an advanced Mathematics class with no idea of what is going on. The lecturer walks in expecting the submission of some homework and then continues a topic I cannot seem to grasp, with the final examinations only a couple of weeks away. It is never a comfortable place to be; in that dreamy world, you are left wondering how to avert the looming prospect of failure.

I do, however, remember one final Mathematics examination. On the Friday before, I was not convinced I had the wherewithal to tackle the subject to the best of my ability. I found a primary school blackboard and worked through each of the topics to fix the gaps in my understanding. By Sunday evening, I was sharing better proofs of equations and theorems with others. I got an 'A' in that subject.

Between the dreamland that occupies the present and the reality of old, where I got it all together, I think of copying my friend's notes to pay off the knowledge deficit. Yet, a niggling thought suggests that I will not be able to pull it off.

The dream never goes beyond the lecture class, but the foreboding of failure lingers. What is it in my life that is showing up as a parable of omission and unpreparedness in my dreams? That is the mystery, something to pray for insight about.

My Lenten vision beyond temptation to triumph

By the Spirit of God

As this Lenten season according to church tradition begins tomorrow on Ash Wednesday, I have been thinking about what spiritual growth I seek to achieve. There are many struggles and situations I find myself in that challenge my discipline and resolve, understanding how to triumph is a walk of faith and “Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,” says the LORD Almighty. [Bible Hub: Zechariah 4:6]

Yet, we think that by mental capacity and fortitude, the force of determination and discipline, we can totally overcome the vagaries of humanity to which we are too susceptible in habits, desires, temptations, and tests. There is a reason why the phrase, “Lead us not into temptation,” exists in the Lord’s prayer. Temptation is more than a lure; it feeds on our natural instinct to yield and fall into it. There is always a way out, but we rarely find it.

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. [Bible Hub: 1 Corinthians 10:13]

Bible Versions, so many

In view of how temptation seems to wield such influence over us, I have decided to revisit the temptation of Jesus Christ, not in what He was tempted of, but in how He responded to each temptation. Those red letters in the gospels have drawn my focus to a new understanding of what is possible.

While I have developed a preference for listening to and reading the New Living Translation (NLT), the traditions in which I was taught and how I remember verses are in the King James Version (KJV). However, when I share single verses, I offer links to over 30 English translations covering the modern, classic, literal and other versions, to give context and understanding in the different modes of English we use.

Temptations abound, but we can win

Apostle John talks of the ways in which temptations take hold of us, in each of which Jesus was tempted too. “For we have not a high priest who cannot be touched with the feeling of our weaknesses; but was in all points tempted like we are, yet without sin.” [Bible Hub: Hebrew 4:15]

The apostle lists out the fundamentals of temptation and how they are all not of God.

“For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world.” [NLT]

“For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.” [KJV] [Bible Hub: 1 John 2:16]

The lust of the flesh

To the first temptation of turning stones to bread to feed his hunger after a 40 day fast, Jesus answered the devil and said, “It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God.” [Bible Hub: Matthew 4:4]

I find in this the need to immerse myself and feed on the Word of God for strength and sustenance. This always transforms my thought processes and guides me in places where I need inspiration, insight, peace, and resolution.

The lust of the eyes

When the devil took Jesus to the pinnacle of the temple and asked dared him to jump because angels will bare him up, lest he dash his foot against a stone, the devil was quoting from Psalm 91:11-12, though inaccurately, Jesus said unto him, “It is written again, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.” [Bible Hub: Matthew 4:7]

Understanding God’s word better would give one an understanding of God’s will, what He would do, and what He does not do. God is not into the sensational or theatrical displays for entertainment, feeding our egos or lusts, but for bringing men into the kingdom of God.

The pride of life

Finally, the devil chose to tempt Jesus with giving him the world he came to die for by suspecting he could have the world just by falling and worshipping the devil. The same devil and the works of the devil; he came to earth to condemn and destroy. Then saith Jesus unto him, “Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written, Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God, and him only shalt thou serve.” [Bible Hub: Matthew 4:10]

Temptation always offers a shortcut to pleasure and attainment, but never by the right and just means. We could be easily drawn away with pride and that sense we could do things alone without anyone’s help or the discovery of how we have achieved success by suspicious means.

Stoicism and strength in faith can only come from trusting in God, feeding on His word and seeking only to do His will with the power of the Holy Spirit in us.

This is my Lenten vision and my greatest desire to live and love this way. Have a wonderful Shrove Tuesday. Now to find a Lenten prayer group for study and devotion.

The arm of flesh will fail you

"Stand Up Stand Up For Jesus" by 250 Voice Mass Choir

I do not remember the tune

While in church on Sunday, I was in a conversation where I saw familiar words of hymns I had sung from the Songs of Praise hymn book that was used in my Methodist-founded secondary school. It was first published in 1925, with updated editions thereafter.

However, it was quite discomfiting for one to know the words of a hymn only for the organist to play a rather unfamiliar tune. The nostalgic moment of recognition and being taken back in time to life probably only slightly more innocent than now, is lost in trying to find your place and rhythm again.

Hear me sing with aplomb

Then with the Offertory hymn, I, with full-throated voice, swayed in syncopation and rhythmic candour, I knew the words and the organist played the tune. I half wanted to look back and grin at my earlier interlocutor to suggest we have had an answered prayer or just the propinquity of desire and coincidence. What an experience to have.

Then out of the recesses of memory came the highlighted lines of the third verse of a hymn I can hardly say I have sung in over 40 years. Stand up, Stand up for Jesus which in those days had the organ powered by foot bellows and played by a Muslim classmate. Only a few had art or skill with classical instruments and when I did offer to learn, a teacher thwarted the activity rather than encouraged it. Yet, I took from that short lesson the ability to play the tune to the Do-Re-Mi song and never really improved on it.

Stand up, stand up for Jesus,
stand in his strength alone;
the arm of flesh will fail you,
ye dare not trust your own.
Put on the gospel armour,
each piece put on with prayer;
where duty calls or danger,
be never wanting there.

Hymnary.org - Stand up, stand up for Jesus - George Duffield (1858)

Stand in his strength alone

This probably presents one of the biggest challenges of Christian living where we have learned, been schooled, and have been taught to exert and exercise for achievement derived from endeavour and sweat. The human-centred desire to excel and not attribute success to anyone else without the bruises we have suffered.

The work of faith that involves fully trusting in God for purpose, direction, instruction, inspiration, and affirmation leaves you open to the accusation of being a religious fanatic. Many do not believe in prayer or prayer that works. In terms, many do not even know God’s will about what they pray about to have any kind of assurance beyond the moment they are in.

Unlearning the way of the world and society to stand in His strength alone is a daily quest for letting the divine override the natural world and ways to launch into the orbit of the spirit where one can call things that are not as though they were. God is a spirit and they that worship him should worship him in spirit and in truth. [Bible Gateway: Ephesians 6:10, Proverbs 3:5, Romans 4:17, John 4:24]

The arm of flesh will fail you

The many promises that have been made to us that never got fulfilled by those who in your time of need or great adversity presented a succouring voice that with time was not followed by any action.

In thinking of such, one might be tempted to feel hard done by, hurt, or embittered. Then you realise that for all the abilities people seem to think they have to get things done, meet a demand, offer some support or anything else, they are seriously limited in ability, reach, means, resources, or facility.

We more typically live from day to day as mere mortals unaware of the divine resources that are at our disposal. The abundance of heavenly resources we can call upon but only if we knew anything about God that was first introduced in the Old Testament of the Bible and then the Father God that Jesus Christ revealed and demonstrated in His preaching of the gospel, doing good and healing those who were oppressed.

For the problems that we encounter in life, God has promised us everything to do with life and godliness, yet we depend on what we can do out of strength, maybe in our cunning, or on others who have a frame of reference uninformed by the Word of God and limited to the natural realm.

There is no blessing in trusting the arm of flesh, it even suggests those who do have turned from the Lord. [Bible Gateway: Jeremiah 17:5, Psalm 20:7, 2 Peter 1:3, John 14:12, Acts 10:38]

Ye dare not trust your own

Indeed, what constitutes our upbringing, our education, and our experiences is generally to equip us for a seemingly godless world, where your wits and hard work should yield success. Then, many strive so hard and get nothing or whatever they get is not enduring.

Heck! The booms and busts that have become like milestones in my own life could easily lead one to totally give up, as it can be quite exhausting. It is an engine of hope and expectation created by God within me that keeps me knowing that the night shall pass, the storms shall pass, the pain shall pass, the lack shall pass and His will will be done.

Through time, I have believed in myself, had supreme confidence, and felt I was at the peak of my powers to even project the unassailable before everything came crashing down like a pack of cards.

Trust is in short supply, there is much to learn and understand about trusting God and almost the people you choose to trust with intimate challenges who can give you the desired support and encouragement to traverse the evil day, the wilderness, the doldrums, and the unfortunate circumstances we often encounter. [Bible Gateway: 1 Timothy 4:8, Psalm 34:19, Psalm 112:7, Jeremiah 29:11]

Never a hopeless situation

I am constantly reevaluating what I believe and my faith to be sure that I am never in a situation where I have nothing that can be brought to bear on any situation. [Bible Gateway: 2 Corinthians 13:5]

In the times of the greatest anxiety, I pray, I speak in tongues, and I endeavour not to dwell on the issues that might exacerbate worry and distress. [Bible Gateway: Romans 8:26]

Nowadays, I purposefully decide to sleep and rest even as I am still learning to let God have it all. As He never slumbers nor sleeps, there is no reason for both of us to keep awake through the night. [Bible Gateway: Psalm 121:4]

I listen to sermons about how great God is and who God says I am. One area where I need to devote more voice is speaking to the problem about God, rather than speaking to God about the problem. [Bible Gateway: Mark 11:23]

There is great capacity and possibility in a person who knows God for who God is in His love for us and his care for us, we are only going to find out from His word and those anointed to preach the word. [Bible Gateway: Matthew 19:26]

In that alone, I am not ashamed to know the Christ who came for me that I might have eternal life that starts from this life I am already living on earth. It is why through all adversity, as long as I live, there is hope, change, and a testimony of the goodness and mercy that follows me. [Bible Gateway: Romans 1:16, 1 John 5:13, Psalm 23:6]

PS: Click on and meditate on the links to the verses on this blog and I know that whatever you might be going through, you will find an answer that will give you strength, comfort, resolution, and joy.

Shalom! Shalom!

The world that comes to us

Saying a little prayer

It was one of the strangest requests I had encountered that left me rather unsure of how to respond. He walked in off the street like everyone else who I had greeted that afternoon, now over 200 of them in just over 2 hours, strangers all, interest common.

Before I could greet him, excited as he was, he asked if I could pray for him, I had a sash on and an identity badge, but I had to protest, I am not a member of the clergy. I was at a confluence of belief systems that have shaped my spirituality in interesting ways. I would expect in the Church of England, you might pray with the spectacle of magisterial homiletics, whereas depending on what spectrum of the Evangelical persuasion you are, let’s not even begin to speculate.

He asked me to light him a candle as he was a bit scared of fire and still insisted I pray. So I did with the almost confusion of the laity doing what they were not trained to do and the mumbling of understanding his distress, a few strong words to remedy the situation that bothered him, for which I believe he was full of faith that coming to the church to ask to be prayed for will help. He left, just as he came in.

The world comes to our cathedral

It was the end of my first shift as a welcoming guide to the Cathedral and what an experience it was for me, that I learnt a lot more than I seemed to offer in terms of the basic information about our cathedral. If I do decide to do this regularly, there is a big consideration to have, the strain on my back as I steady myself with my walking cane, in that 3-hour stint, there were times I did have to sit down because the pain was getting uncomfortable and unbearable.

Visitors came from near and far, alone or in numbers, as family, with friends, in groups with purpose or just on a detour, with lots of time and sometimes barely enough to gather the spectacle of architecture before going on their way. When I asked, the nationalities and the small talk made a connection in my wayfaring archive of what a friend calls my library of seemingly useless information that just becomes pertinent for that engagement.

Probably more than a quarter of the guests were someone living in Manchester bringing someone visiting for the first time. I do not think I encountered anyone from Central or South America, but all other regions presented a representative from many places I had been to and could I remember something quite significant in the exchange.

Learning to learn more

For me, there were two things that stood out, visitors who said they were visiting from Kurdistan and if there was any justice in this world, the people should be a country, but I did ask which of the many Kurdistans as I thought they were at least in three countries and I was informed it was 4 countries, I soon realised from my knowledge of geography that was indeed true.

Another couple came in with beautifully trained and behaved dogs and their visit to our cathedral for which they wanted a more substantial guidebook than the simple folder pamphlet on offer that needed updating, they eventually found someone to help. It was in a later conversation that I learnt that there were 42 cathedrals in England, visiting ours was their 39^th, they had two more to visit in Yorkshire and the last was undergoing extensive renovations, so they will have to wait to visit.

To be more effective, I need to develop beyond the platitude of welcoming to becoming an informed tour guide. There is so much to know about our cathedral, its history, the architecture, the windows, the majestic pipe organ, its function, the furnishings, the chapels, the memorials, the statues, the many influences from when there was a building in the same place from the 13^th Century and the 600^th anniversary of its establishment as a collegiate church.

There is a lot more to think about of my experience today, however, what is most important is, I enjoyed welcoming people to our cathedral.

Thought Picnic: On mother today and everyday

On being mothered

A mother remains mother, motherly, and mothering and I am blessed to have my mother whose voice gives soothing and calm to a child nearing 60. Even with the challenges she faces, she abandons that for concern and consideration of others in encouragement and prayer she speaks to the heart of me, telling me not to lose hope and assuring me that there is a God on the throne.

My health she asks after, my well-being is paramount, she mines the timbre of my voice to determine how I am holding up even when I give assurances. She remembers every detail of things I have shared with her to know whether there has been progress or new developments. 

At times, what might seem hopeless is given the radiance of possibility as her fervent desires are expressed in private supplication and entreaties for tremendous change to come.

My mother who sat and watched my infant head still watches over my greying bald head, a blessing immeasurable in duty and responsibility, a treasure beyond any calculable value that many a time, we never well appreciate. Yet, in the whisper and the sound of her voice when we converse and in the playback in the recesses of my mind as I reminisce, I know I am blessed.

My Eema of God, dear mother of life, Shalom! Shalom! May your heart’s desires be met with the grace, favour, love, and power of the God you serve so diligently. Amen!

Thought Picnic: Benefitting from the widow's might

The generosity of the widow’s mite

For the many times that I have heard and read the story of the widow’s mite in the Bible, I have been fascinated at the lessons we are asked to draw out of the observation. People were giving offerings to the temple out of the plenty they already had and that would go a long way for the operations of the temple when referenced from the perspective of the temple.

However, in terms of the individual, the giving could be out of duty, obligation, service, or purpose, this is apart from the mindset of the person giving happily or grudgingly, and then the part about generosity, but I am not here to offer an exegesis or hermeneutic comparison of the story apart from the observation that the widow had little, and she gave all she had.

The efficacity of the widow’s might

Trying something in the order of homophones, I suggest another qualification in the possession of a widow, the widow’s might, the power in the person and the circumstances of the widow to change things for the better in her situation and for others.

I have a friend that is a widow in Ireland, we talk every so often about ourselves, life, and a person dear to our hearts even if that person has no concept or idea in their selfish disposition of how much they are loved and considered. This person is both intelligent and capable but has had their productivity arrested by substance abuse that they believe helps the projection of the multiple personalities they desire to portray.

The widows that make a difference

Where professional help and counsel has attempted an intervention, this person believes that they know better as they work themselves to what we fear is ruinous destruction that presages tragedy. Yet, as we conversed, I advised we never give voice to our fears, but rather religiously commit to prayer and supplication for the deliverance of this person. I believe a widow’s heart is seen by God and blessings with favour along with answered prayers would be her testimony.

There is also the widow’s might in selfless giving another like a mother with whom I have regular conversations who bestows love and care with concern for my welfare that I appreciate more and more. There again, in the widow’s might are those who have made extremely generous provisions to my needs, in a time of adversity and infirmity.

God bless the widow’s mite and might

My gratitude is deep and cannot be fully expressed, as they have been my support and strength, my rock and caring shoulder, and most of all, my love. For they have provided sustenance for the days that the storehouse was barren and hold my hand from day to day with encouragement and hope. 

There are times when the widow’s mite is the widow’s might to keep your chin up and know that the circumstances of the present will pass for the prosperity that looms quite presently.

May the grace and blessings of God abide with the many widows who with mite and might have given to my bosom.

Pentecost made real

Pentecost live and talking

Today is the Christian Feast of Pentecost which commemorates the event in the book of the Act of Apostles when the Holy Spirit descended on the disciples like tongues of fire and they began to speak in the native languages of the diverse tribes that were present in Jerusalem at that time. [Bible Gateway: The Holy Spirit Comes at Pentecost]

I encountered glossolalia; the speaking in tongues by accident, as in early 1984 I was invited to the Christian Union building by some acquaintances in the art department who did not look like the typically austere and ascetic religious bible thumper types or those who seem to mistake the social ostracism as a result of their beliefs and conduct for spirituality and humility.

When we got to the building, they began to sing and then they were soon praying, everyone stopped speaking in English and started uttering an incomprehensible language that I thought was of a Middle Eastern origin. In the African-initiated Churches, they did have names and codes that sounded almost otherworldly, but this seemed different.

Then I spoke clearly

After the meeting, I asked questions and I was told about the speaking of tongues and a sign of the baptism of the Holy Spirit. It was around this time that I found a new kind of commitment called giving your life to Christ and by that you become born again. Sometime after, I was prayed for to receive the gift of speaking in tongues, but I was not at the point where I could demonstrate this gift.

Then, there was a crusade on campus that a recently converted pop musician ministered at, he was Jide Obi. During the call for people to give their lives to Christ, we were in congregational prayer and from deep inside me, I had this welling up from within myself and began to speak in tongues.

Though, I have made the rounds of many churches and denominations, where the practice might be encouraged or discouraged, speaking in tongues is a personal prayer language that according to Apostle Paul gives you the ability to pray according to God's will. There are many situations where I have not found the form of words to pray for what I need and tongues with or without interpretation have given me the confidence that I am on the right track. [Bible Study Tools: Bible Verses About Speaking in Tongues]

A gift that works for me

There was even one occasion when our maid who spoke a language, I had no knowledge of was misbehaving and I cannot account for the situation, but I spoke to her in tongues and there was the shock on her face that I was telling her off for misbehaving in her own native tongue.

Even now that I attend the Anglican Church, I am grateful that this gift of God is present and available for me to use at any point I choose to.

I could be in a quiet place and or disturbed situation, I speak in the tongues I have been given to find peace, resolution, and breakthroughs. That is my own personal spiritual experience and the wonder that Pentecost has been to me. Receive ye the Holy Ghost, that is what Jesus Christ said to his disciples after his resurrection and before he ascended into heaven.

He shall preserve my soul, even forevermore

A sleepy escape from evil

A few days ago, I woke up from a nightmare, like I was nudged out of slumber into wakefulness to spare me. So vivid was the dream that as I collected my thoughts about what had transpired in my subconscious, I was shedding tears, like everything in my being had come to help me manage the stress of my ordeal.

Brian in his wisdom arrested my irrationality before I did something stupid with the thoughts crowding my sense of sanity and proportion. He said, ‘Last week, you went through some challenging days causing some stress and hopefully, the brain is just filing away all that.’ There could not have been a better assessment of the situation along with the other things that bothered me.

He obviously has witnessed nights of my disturbed sleep from my talking in my sleep, to acting out and apparently kicking him in bed too. I’m mortified. Anyway, it was a lot to process and I tried to tackle it from all perspectives I could muster, as it all played out like a deliverance from adversity.

He keeps me safe

As I was writing down the parts of the dream I could remember, recurrent thought like some inspiration interrupted my flow. It was in Yoruba that I translated to English and searched for on the Internet.

It happened to be Psalm 121:4 “Behold, he that keepeth Israel shall neither slumber nor sleep.” However, reading the whole Psalm put it into context. My help comes from the Lord in all situations and circumstances. [Bible Gateway – Psalm 121 (KJV)]

I cannot remember when last I read this Psalm if I ever had to recite over water to drink or bathe with, a well-practised ritual of my childhood by reason of the African-Initiated Christian denominations my mother has an affinity to.

He preserves my soul

For the last two nights, I had decided to sign myself off the news cycle because of the US elections, I first thought of playing back my classical music collection but ended up playing Amy Grant on Amazon Music before clicking on a playlist of gospel music.

One track was unmistakably Psalm 121, Jacquelyn Gouche-Farris had taken inspiration from the Psalm to write My Help which has been performed by many notable artistes backed by choirs. I am taking the time to learn the words of the song to hum and sing on my walks. For the times, this is one to give you a sense of peace, comfort, and assurance. [Genius Lyrics: My Help][Amazon Music: My Help]

The Psalmist says, “The Lord shall preserve thee from all evil: he shall preserve thy soul. The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.”

The singer gets to the point without beating about the bush, “He shall preserve thy soul, even forevermore.” Then take all the pronouns and personalise them in the first person. What better prayer is there when you can confidently say? “He shall preserve my soul, even forevermore.”

[YouTube: My Help (Better sound quality)]

Thought Picnic: A mindset not to resent the present

Seeing beyond the limits

There are times when situations and circumstances get together to frustrate that you begin hitting out allowing the negativity to consume your thoughts and reactions. This is when you need the quiet and quietness around you to reassess how you are responding to things outside your control.

We can so easily be helpless and forlorn, completely unable to see a way out that we are trapped and immobile. It happens to many of us and it is part of life.

Yet, I have the good fortune to sometimes step back and ask myself whether I am tackling issues in the best way, if there ways in which I can change my mindset and adjust my frame of mind so as not to be frustrated in the first instance and consequently overwhelmed.

Beyond just coping with it

There are many things I have been able to shrug off or ignore, others I have tackled head-on, in certain circumstances it is just a matter of accepting the situation whilst looking for alternative remedies to mitigate the impact. I am affected, but what long term effect and hold would I allow to define my outlook.

I believe in prayers; the problem is usually not the prayer but finding the right words for the prayers you want answered. You may not get a miracle, but a speedy recovery with the medication working well for you, your wellbeing and quality of life, might well be a great miracle when looked back on as a blessing to be counted.

We are a storied existence of feats that do not have to end in defeats. Whilst every defeat we face is most definitely an old feat better understood for new strength, renewed courage and acquired skill.

Mindful of better prayers

We are not always assailed by enemies, sometimes what we require is mercy, grace, and favour. To looked favourably upon when you are applying for something. To be given good consideration, time, and space to meet obligations. To have others treat you kindly, respectfully, with courtesy and a sense of dignity could be all headway you need towards some achievement.

Today, my concern is with a whole range of plans, my desire to travel, the opportunity for remote working from anywhere on the globe, meeting up with my partner, getting married, planning our future together with all the means that help many of our dreams come true. A cloud appears to be in a way of the sunlight of warmth and life to these visions.

I cannot be preoccupied with the clouds; the limitations are momentary, and clouds move on eventually. In the exercise of patience and the assurance of hope that the temporary will always be that and the desires of the heart put into prayer does come true in more fantastical and mind-blowing ways than anticipated, I find new peace, to lie down in green pastures and beside the still waters, this walk through the valley of the shadow of death, will soon be over.

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From my heart out of a lonely place

Unselfish but reflexive

There is an independent streak in me that puts up a rather stoic front, as I strive to listen to others without inserting my own story into their situation usurping their need for succour for my need to be heard.

However, it was interesting to engage in a conversation about the lockdown where experiences of returning home to a full house had its issues, but it called for some reflection as there were people in lockdown alone in singledom, denied or unable to be with partners, lovers, or family out of circumstances beyond their control.

Between making the best of human interaction with present loved ones and handling communication hamstrung by distance and outside of remediation because of international strictures, the former is a greater blessing. When I say I pine, the feeling is deep even though the words I need to express it are nigh on impossible to find for writing in a blog or speaking on a video conference.

Say a little prayer

My heart and mind is in and at a place, buoyed on by memories and moments of happiness and contentment, the place is Cape Town, the person is Brian, the promise we have made to each other is whatever comes, our future is together and it would be in a place of our choosing for our convenience.

There are things we cannot see beyond the present as to how these things will come about, but this is a journey we have started and with providence and good fortune on our side, we would see to a fitting and happy conclusion. Count the blessings of being in bosom of those you love and say a prayer for those who cannot and most especially for those who are still trying to find somebody to love.

From the deepest part of my heart, earnestly, I say, “Grow this man as you grow me and more in blessing and opportunity that he will have the wherewithal to seize and make the very best of the amazing potential he has in him.” I say a little prayer you, Brian.

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Thought Picnic: Sustained by the power of hope and somebody somewhere praying for me

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For when I die

Somebody somewhere is praying just for you, it is the only thing I can say considering I have not been praying that much for myself.

Uncanny as it seems, I was in conversation with my friend about people I had somewhat chosen to be my pallbearers if anything ever happened to me just over 5 years ago. I was at my lowest ebb, I had lost every material possession and all I had left was hope, the hope that things would turn for the better.

On the eve of my leaving the Netherlands after almost 13 years of sojourning there, I wrote to my six friends informing them of my decision to return to the UK. My Netherlands odyssey was over and the future was just out there without anything in the horizon.

I told them of my desire to be laid to rest in the place where I was born, I was however surprised that some read it as a sign of giving up, I had not, I was just aware of my vulnerability and not ready to deny that it loomed just as large as the inner strength that bore me on through my toughest hours.

Suddenly and uncannily

Of the six, one is sadly deceased and many of the others I have not maintained that much contact with, the vagaries of life usurping the ability to concentrate and contemplate. One of my friends I had not spoken to in years, I surmised he was fine and we left it at that.

The next day, my phone rang and guess who was calling me? The friend I had not spoken to in years. He apparently was praying at home and there he had the unction to call me, which he immediately did and we talked at length catching up of lost memories and current events. I thought in my mind, there is something going on outside of my control.

In another conversation with another close friend, we chatted about my search for new work which had been going on for weeks with my resources and reserves literally completely dwindled and bills piling up. Then weeks ago, I suggested to her that the job might just come suddenly, I just did not know when the suddenly would be.

The unexpected job offer

It was last Friday morning; my phone rang the person who called had just reviewed my LinkedIn profile and decided I was a good fit for the role he had in mind for me. It was an interesting short-term contract and within that conversation we had agreed on a rate before he offered to have their CTO call me for a chat.

When the CTO called, I was expecting an interview with trick questions and all the wily interrogation that constitutes interview processes nowadays. It was a discussion and it came down to basically understanding my kind of thinking and mindset as regards the role on offer.

As the conversation came to an end, I was expecting another set of interview hurdles, however, what I got was a job offer, straight to contract negotiations, the word of a gentleman and by Monday morning the deal was sealed to start on Tuesday. The same job had been offered by an agency a week before at such a paltry rate that I could not at all countenance.

Really running on empty

Then I had another little difficulty, but for the sustenance of my best friend, I was living from hand to mouth, I had already lost 7 kilogrammes and in terms had nothing left to take up the opportunity in a city far from home. The quest to recoup loans was getting nowhere that my only option was to borrow some money and then find a place to couch-surf for a week or two until some income came through.

I sometimes wonder how much stress and strain a person can endure in the quest for a modicum of means and independence. It does not get any easier, yet hope endures in ways that even astounds me, it all looks bad, and something whispers in me that all these encounters of misfortune and brushes with penury will not last.

A life of gratitude

It will all come good, it just needs a bit of time and the hope that the little one has can stretch to the time when there is no need to fear for limitations and lack.

I say, somebody somewhere is praying just for me, angels are falling over themselves with supply and friends are holding me up from falling to the ground. I am reminded daily that my life and existence is one to be thankful for with every sense of gratitude.

Even when I don't seem to have anything, nothing can stop me, something keeps me going and there is everything to live for. It remains the story I am glad to tell.

May!

May I have permission to say?
May, all months you count on a hand,
May of the desire that begins with a day,
May of wishes many like grains of sand.

May this which you wish to pray,
May of which this is the first,
May you contemplate the day?
May it fulfil your thirst.

May you stir to rise,
May the day shine so bright,
May the clarity in your eyes,
May it bring you to the light.

May you be happy,
May all fear be banished,
May it be sweet like candy,
May joys like this never be finished.

May there be a friend,
May this friend be close,
May they see how you bend,
May a hand stay when it blows.

May you grow old,
May it be with one you love,
May the fondness be readily told,
May your stories show much love.

May what you long for,
May it bring much laughter,
May health, wealth, strength and more,
May it be yours now and ever after.

To hear the voice of motherhood

Feelings of utter discomfiture

Caught between the vagaries of life and unhealthy resentment, I watched this day approach with some foreboding and trepidation.

It felt like that uncomfortable feeling that greeted my emotions as I returned home from any outing, the long walk to the end of the street that represented the house that did not feel like home.

The building was comfortable, my room self-contained and private, but the atmosphere laid heavy like a cloud of despair, I rarely felt happy returning there.

Just over 28 years ago, that place became a closed chapter, a place I only visited because I had a duty to, but I avoided because I did not need to return for anything.

Reflect and review

Therefore, as my mother’s 71^st birthday approached, I found myself writing, Thought Picnic: To wilfully forget a parent's birthday – it was something I had the capacity to do and I had worked myself up for it – I could be that detached.

However, when I looked on Facebook to see a picture of my mother and a celebratory message from my sister, and the night before chatted to my sister-in-law about my misgivings, it became something I had to face, I must do the needful.

The first call did not get through, but a few hours after, I got through, and she was quite pleased to hear my voice just as I was to hear hers.

Soothed by motherliness

All the knottiness and tension dissolved and the soothing and comforting voice of motherhood in a mood of celebration and happiness became the balm to aches and pains of pent up uneasiness and angst.

We talked for longer than we usually do; mostly in English as we always did, exchanging pleasantries and making each other laugh with incredulity at the things we say and recollect of times past.

Then I wondered why things just soured, it is because there are still many things I have not shared for her to understand some of the tough journeys I have been through.

The little I shared brought prayerful encouragement and empathy. For all our differences and conflicts, she is quite capable of deep understanding and appreciation to show affection and compassion.

Of why and where

Why do we end up in conflict with our parents?

Where is the balance between the familiarity and the distance to make relationships work?

This is difficult to gauge, but it is something we on both sides have to work on, for to cherish and honour for as long as we have them and to forestall the deeper wounds of regret if we do not strive to make amends and make things right.

Even I realise how parent-child dissonance can reflect spiritual apoplexy meaning a lack of fulfilment in many areas of significance to a person’s sense of wellbeing.

I am glad I had the opportunity to reconnect, and I hope I can make more of this as time goes by.

Thought Picnic: Where Everybody Shares Your Pain

Some cheers for the dawn

This morning I woke up to the playback in my mind with the refrain - Sometimes you want to go, Where everybody knows your name – and as I thought that through, the words of the song formed into a sense of existence - And they're always glad you came.

But, I really did not feel like being there, the familiarity, the catching up, the questions, the answers, the concern, the sympathy, the empathy and much else was weighing on my mind – I wanted to be present somewhere whilst being absent elsewhere.

Somewhere elsewhere

Basically, I did not want to be where everybody knows my pain, and whilst some might be glad I came, I was not ready to take the strain, even though my excuse does sound lame.

There were some things I was not ready to deal with until a more convenient time. So, I moved to another section of the song - You want to be where you can see, Our troubles are all the same; - I wanted to be in church, just not my church.

Antipodean flavours

My friend observed that the churches I seem to have an affinity for were planted by Australians, I dare say, there is something refreshing about the antipodean perspective of the same revelation that has been in Europe, gone to America to be exported round the world and emanating from Africa too with the contaminants that belie a tendency to error, levity and licence, I am persuaded of a different allegiance.

And though having attended C3 Amsterdam and now C3 London, I found myself visiting Hillsong London at the Dominion Theatre on Tottenham Court Road where I found welcoming and friendly faces unified in song and common humanity that one had to reflect on whether one was being swept away by the awesomeness of mass hysteria or a personal experience similarly expressed by others.

Words and meanings together and apart

I began to understand the need for songs if you did understand what the words meant; for in song, you invariably were chanting the affirmative in the structure of verse and chorus almost repetitively without it becoming a mantra – the accompaniment of music then engaged your whole being with some being exercised or overcome with emotion.

There is life in participating, and when the prayers are said, you being to realise that our troubles are more or less the same and we all want insight, ideas, inspiration, results and solutions to take us to a better place.

Sometimes, that is what church is all about, amongst friends and amongst strangers, the fiendish and the strangest things can find root, but we can find firmer foundations in how we believe that together we can reach for a better day.

Cheers!

Making your way in the world today 
Takes everything you've got; 
Taking a break from all your worries 
Sure would help a lot. 
Wouldn't you like to get away? 

All those night when you've got no lights, 
The check is in the mail; 
And your little angel 
Hung the cat up by it's tail; 
And your third fiance didn't show; 

Sometimes you want to go 
Where everybody knows your name, 
And they're always glad you came; 
You want to be where you can see, 
Our troubles are all the same; 
You want to be where everybody knows your name. 

Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee's dead; 
The morning's looking bright; 
And your shrink ran off to Europe, 
And didn't even write; 
And your husband wants to be a girl; 

Be glad there's one place in the world 
Where everybody knows your name, 
And they're always glad you came; 
You want to go where people know, 
People are all the same; 
You want to go where everybody knows your name. 

Where everybody knows your name, 
And they're always glad you came; 
Where everybody knows your name, 
And they're always glad you came...

Theme song for the situation comedy TV series – Cheers, written by Gary Portnoy & Judy Hart Angelo – Where Everybody Knows Your Name.