Sipping the Hazards of Earl Grey

A Chance Encounter

It must be a kind of hazard going shopping with your mother, or that is how we felt for the young man yesterday as we stopped for a pot of Earl Grey tea and a slice of too-creamy carrot cake.

We took the table beside two white ladies who wouldn't look out of place at a seaside café in Eastbourne, England, and we have seen quite a few ladies in Pinelands that remind me of home.

It is that quiet sophistication of a Laura Ashley print dress, very sensible shoes, hair somewhere between Margaret Thatcher and the late Queen, lip-defining lipstick without drawing too much attention, and costume jewellery giving airs of pearl for a necklace and earrings.

The Retired Teachers

Every younger lady who walked by seemed to know them. Without trying to be a Miss Marple, I suspect they were retired teachers, as you do not become that well known without being invested in the community. If I had wanted to engage them in conversation, I might have used the angle of familiarity to start one.

The only exchange between us was them asking if we had enough space to sit at the table. However, I could not grasp any snippets of their conversation except when they interacted with passers-by.

An Overheard Exchange

Just before our tea arrived, a middle-aged lady with a tallish young man came by, and beyond the greetings a longer conversation unfolded. From what ensued, one could surmise that he was her son. Quite soft-spoken and almost sheepishly shy, we soon found one of the ladies updating her database of facts about him.

We learnt his name, that he had just completed a master's degree, and that he had a British passport. Yet in the context of that exchange, even with the apparent privilege of being Caucasian in South Africa, there was the feeling that this country did not offer him a promising future. This young man was to set sail, though not on an Elder Dempster ocean liner, to the United Kingdom to seek his fortune.

Contrasting Perspectives

I contrast this with the idea that I seek to set up home, live, and retire in South Africa, as I see opportunities and possibilities where the locals appear not to. However, the broader point, as summarised by my partner, is the danger of meeting old ladies in a public space.

Before you know it, a catalogue of your life is revealed to strangers who might make a blog of it. Poor Joseph.

A Google NotebookLM AI Audio Overview Discussion of this blog

The Bottleneck Paradox

Breaking Free from Groupthink

The tendency for us to participate in groupthink can lead to stifling our ability to see things from a different perspective. Then sometimes, I suffer from an inclination to see things from a different perspective first, before seeing the blatantly obvious.

As readers of my blog might have observed in my debunking of the half-glass-full or half-glass-empty debate, this only matters in what is in the glass. You cannot judge my sense of optimism or pessimism from the notion of the glass without examining its contents.

The Contents Matter Most

If the glass contains fine wine, it would likely be half empty because I am enjoying the drink and, by inference, it will remain half full, or full, if I cannot abide the taste, quality, or bouquet of the wine poured in it.

My wine example could spark debate about whether I am proving my point or demonstrating confirmation bias, yet it is in what the glass contains that we can deduce the state. Just as if I knew the glass contained poison, it would remain half full.

This morning, in an engagement with a colleague, he expressed concern that an activity might cause a bottleneck. Here again is the tendency in all definitions to see a bottleneck as a problem.

Reframing the Bottleneck

According to the AI Overview my browser provided, “A bottleneck is a point of congestion in a system—such as production, software, or computing—where a single component's limited capacity restricts the overall speed, throughput, or performance. Similar to the narrow neck of a bottle, it causes delays, reduces efficiency, and creates backups, often requiring the slowest part to be upgraded or optimised to improve the entire process.”

Without thinking twice about it, I responded, “Bottlenecks are good; they make the difference between getting the drink in the glass and spilling it everywhere.” Surely, that is a beneficial feature of bottlenecks and the reason why we do have real bottlenecks, as opposed to bottlenecks in application, production, or business processes, on computers, or in networks or traffic.

Those versed in systems thinking might, in this case, distinguish between designed constraints (intentional bottlenecks), which follow my response, and emergent ones (system failures), which engender the broader definition.

Reconsidering Received Wisdom

There might be other situations where the restriction of flow helps direct and concentrate resources to achieve an aim. These are worth considering further.

The other argument might suggest that the definition of bottleneck has evolved well beyond its original meaning. Just remember, when happy and gay literally meant the same thing.

Yet the situations where received wisdom suggests the negative deserve review from another perspective. There is often more to it than what we have been schooled to accept as the only truth.

Blog - Half of a quarter full of an eighth empty (October 2004)

Blog - Pour the wine and don't you whine (May 2024)

A Google NotebookLM AI Audio Overview Discussion of this blog

Between the Window and the World

Window Observations

Looking out of my window again this morning, the story remains the same. On the second floor by the window sits the man I wrote about over four years ago. However, for the first time, I saw him eating. It might have been some fruit, as he was using his hands, and what looked like a large potato wedge might have been cut from an apple.

Blog - Coronavirus streets in Manchester - XLII

Surely my eyesight can't be that good, yet I cannot doubt my powers of observation. Brian, on the other hand, seems to have sent another pair of reading glasses to the ocular orthopaedic hospital, one leg lost to the incident of backside indiscipline. No other excuse could be manufactured on the fly.

Blog - Thought Picnic: Sitting pretty and bringing calamity

Anyway, back to my neighbourhood. There is a new arrival who steps out of the apartment, takes a few puffs of her inhaler, then lights a cigarette. How you could clearly have a respiratory condition and then compound it with the gradual destruction of your lungs is a case of utter bafflement that escapes me.

Beyond the Window

As I stepped out to attend church, it was minus four degrees Celsius, but fresh and sunny. By the time I left church, it had snowed, the ground coated white. I was fortunate to have the right kind of shoes on, the soles with ridges that gave a sturdy grip enough to stop me from slipping.

It was already above zero. After a cup of lapsang souchong tea, I was ready to have a nap. The man at the window was back, taking another glimpse of what might be unchanging but for the traffic, yet exciting enough as a variance to routine.

Then again, as he observes his little world from that window, a flurry of snow seeks to obscure my line of sight. Life continues for all, but I'm blessed to experience a bit more by getting out and meeting people.

A Google NotebookLM AI Podcast on this blog

Fentanyl Appearing for Pain, Pills, and Policy

Within the depths of pain

In some ways, I probably have a very high pain threshold, but in late 2009, my pain tolerance was completely overwhelmed when I had cancer in my left foot, with fungating tumours and blackened skin lesions, both deadly and deathly.

Standard painkillers (paracetamol) and stronger medication (tramadol) failed to relieve the pain. It was so intense that I could not put my foot down without crying. In the hospital, I was given morphine, but that only lasted two days before I was vomiting everything.

The Search for Effective Pain Relief

Then came OxyContin, but I was not given enough of it. The nurses seemed to be rationing it even as I begged for relief. However, when I was discharged after 18 nights in the hospital, my pain medication was adjusted. Multiple types of pain relief were administered to target different aspects of the pain.

Paracetamol, oxycodone, and a fentanyl transdermal patch; all that, and pain still persisted, sometimes taking centre stage. I resorted to almost hysterical laughter to release endorphins as a form of palliative coping.

After another consultation, I told the doctor I was still experiencing pain. In his view, my medication should have been sufficient; it was not. He doubled the dose of the fentanyl patch, and only then did I achieve what might be called pain relief.

The Path to Recovery

I was on pain medication from late September 2009, and by the end of January 2010, the tumours were gone. I had fresh, pink skin on the soles of my feet, a miracle of medicine, but it involved gruelling treatment, including chemotherapy and its dreadful side effects.

The pain had gone by March, so I removed the fentanyl patch. Big mistake. I salivated excessively, spat out mouthfuls of saliva, and became severely diarrhoeic. I had to reapply the patch. From this, I learned I needed to wean myself off it gradually. I kept it on for twice as long while gradually reducing the dose by halving the patch at each change.

It took three months to fully stop using the patch, long after I no longer needed any sort of pain relief.

Understanding Fentanyl's Role

Without fentanyl for this level of pain, life would have been unbearable, almost not worth living. One day, the patch fell off. Not knowing you could cover it with a transdermal sticker or plaster to keep it in place until the new patch was ready, I was laughing deliriously. My friend thought I had lost my mind; it was a protective mechanism. If I hadn’t been laughing, I might have been dying from unbearable pain.

Today, fentanyl should only be taken under medical supervision. I also understand that not everyone has experienced the severe pain I did, nor have suffered the otherworldly pain others endure; my pain was eventually brought under control, subsided, and disappeared entirely. I consider myself extremely fortunate.

My body became so accustomed to fentanyl that I couldn’t simply stop using it. It took willpower and determination; perhaps a rare gift. We all have different physiological responses. I am not seeking praise for that.

A Broader Perspective

Beyond the need for medication for chronic pain, there are issues of susceptibility to addiction, both requiring a sensible, empathetic approach under medical guidance across a broad spectrum of related conditions.

Regarding fentanyl as a narcotic, I feel ambivalent. People don’t become addicts solely by enjoying sweets; there are complex circumstances that I believe cannot be addressed purely through criminal justice.

Labelling fentanyl as a weapon of mass destruction would be narrow-minded and lacking understanding of human suffering, especially in pain management.

Learning from Recent Experience

My perspective is personal. I am cautious with medications, aware of their addiction potential. Recently, I used codeine, which converts to morphine in the body, to manage penile and urethral pain during the fourth week of radiotherapy for prostate cancer.

Prescribed to be taken up to four times daily, I rarely exceeded two tablets a day. After three days, I only took one tablet at night. I still felt pain and discomfort, but consciously avoided the lengthy process of weaning off codeine once my body adjusted.

As long as those who truly need such pain management are not disadvantaged by misguided policies, I hope this decision by the White House does not, in pursuit of an ideal, create suffering for many who simply seek relief.

Pain in my blogs

Blog - In hospital to kill the pain

Blog - Getting off the pain train

Blog - Generally responsive and dealing with pain

Blog - Stronger medicine and another course of chemo

Blog - Boldly tell your doctor everything

Blog - Off and back on the pain patch

Blog - Opinion: Where addiction and tragedy can confuse issues

Blog - Knowing pain is personal

Spaces without balance

The shift has occurred

I came across an article, a commentary on how organisations, establishments, and corporations are lacking in accommodation and inclusiveness. Sadly, given the direction of our public conversation, we are expected to promote and reinforce a particular perspective or risk ostracism.

Having experienced times of political correctness, which evolved into woke culture, and now the topical issues of identity and how diversity can imply exclusion, one might wonder what has changed in our discourse that no-platforming and cancelling have become more common, along with the need to punish those who dare to think differently and voice those thoughts.

The balance has tipped towards an unrelenting intolerance of broader perspectives and dialogue. For instance, my idea of safe spaces used to be forums with a range of viewpoints available for all participants to consider, regardless of their beliefs. However, what currently exists is a safe space not to feel uncomfortable or challenged; rather, it is a space to reinforce biases instead of questioning preconceived notions.

Can we think for ourselves?

The brave space to dissent and debate respectfully without being disagreeable has been lost to a different kind of safe space. It is safe for the timid or entitled, but unsafe for the brave.

Grievance, offence, upset, and outrage often dominate, at the expense of open-mindedness and tolerance of opposing viewpoints. As a result, we fail to step into another's shoes because we believe we are already wearing the most uncomfortable shoes imaginable.

How we arrived at this unidimensional situation involves curating inputs, confirming biases, a lack of curiosity, and perhaps a lazy mind as well. Meanwhile, certain purveyors of extreme perspectives stand to benefit from homogenising and intensifying positions that leave no room for compromise or consensus. We are unwittingly pawns on their vast chessboard of power, profit, and politics.

We must ask ourselves whether we are still thinking for ourselves or have become subsumed into the malign thought processes of others. In voicing these thoughts, we become megaphones for ideas we would have once rejected.

We are not the same

This debate is ongoing in Australia, where those involved have initially faced punishment but then found themselves reprieved through legal actions and protests. It is a debate we should be having across the Western world, as exemplified in this excerpt from the article.

“All right-minded organisations try to make their workforce more diverse. But are we going to accept people from different ethnic and political backgrounds only to the extent that they behave like middle-class white people? That is, those who dominate our culture largely as a result of their luck, and who have not got a family legacy of colonisation, war, trauma and holocaust?

Sometimes, encounters in brave spaces might lead to us changing our minds, or question our own assumptions.” [The Guardian: Opinion: The ABC and Creative Australia panicked in the face of controversy. These vital institutions must not be so timid. - Margaret Simons]

I've got everything left to achieve

Building for Life

Baron Foster of Thames Bank turned 90 on June 1st. He has left his mark on the architectural landscape of the world, collaborating with fellow architects and many designers. One cannot help but be in awe of how imagination on paper becomes the realisation you can behold.

In one of his iconic buildings, where I used to have lunch in the 1990s, the Willis Building in Ipswich, with black curtain walls contrasting with a yellow and green interior, went on to become the youngest Grade I listed building in the UK.

I remember visiting Berlin and observing how a Foster and Rogers project in that city seemed like you hire Norman Foster to transform a monument into a modern masterpiece, as he did with the Reichstag building, and Richard Rogers to create a monument by building a modern masterpiece, as he did with the Daimler complex.

Everything left to achieve

Architecture has always interested me, but that is not the primary focus of this blog. Interviewed for the Architects’ Journal in May, this last exchange—question and answer—offered an insightful perspective on the man himself.

Gino Spocchia: You’re about to turn 90, an achievement in its own right. As an architect, do you feel there is anything left for you to achieve?

Norman Foster: I've got everything left to achieve. That’s an impossible question. [Architects’ Journal: Norman Foster at 90: ‘I have everything left to achieve’]

My journey to this interview was influenced by listening to Richard Rogers on Desert Island Discs yesterday; he was interviewed in March 1990, and he spoke about his early partnership with Norman Foster, then winning the Pompidou Centre competition with Renzo Piano, and Su Rogers. [BBC Sounds: Desert Island Discs – Richard Rogers]

Propinquity to serendipity

In the 20 years I have visited Paris and sat for brunch on the first floor of Café Beaubourg that overlooks the space in front of the Pompidou Centre, I have only observed people and never entered the centre itself. Richard Rogers passed away at 88 in 2021.

I suppose one first considers the blessing and fortune of good health at such an age, to continue to have zest for life and a purposefulness that suggests you believe you still have much to do and give.

Thinking of continuing potential

For Norman Foster, advanced age is not an end; he embraces a philosophy of ongoing potential, rejecting the cultural narrative that achievement belongs primarily to youth. Meaningful accomplishment remains possible at any stage of life. Retirement is not a part of this man’s vocabulary.

For someone turning 90, this perspective embodies:

• A refusal to be defined solely by past accomplishments
• An understanding that wisdom and experience create unique opportunities
• A rejection of artificial timelines for meaningful contribution
• An embracing of new goals suited to current capabilities
• Finding purpose in mentorship, creative expression, or personal growth

I am deeply inspired by this mindset, as I contemplate returning to university to learn from and engage with youthful insights and young minds. I am convinced of the importance of lifelong learning and continuous engagement with a world of possibilities.

Norman Foster exemplifies this life-affirming stance beautifully; if we have consciousness, will, health, and resources, we retain the capacity for meaningful achievement. It is clear he enjoys what he does and will continue for as long as he can. Belated happy birthday, Norman Foster, Baron Foster of Thames Bank.

References

20^th Century Architecture: Norman Foster

20^th Century Architecture: Richard Rogers

Thought Picnic: Using time to recover

 

Ringing the 'End of treatment bell' on the 9th of October 2024

To ring that bell

It is four weeks since I rang the bell signalling the end of my radiotherapy treatment for malignant prostate cancer. From the moment I saw what the bell was meant for in the waiting area of the radiotherapy department at the Christie Hospital, I had every desire to make it toll.

For the 20 weekdays that I attended sessions for treatment, I only heard the bell ring thrice, the first two times was within ten minutes of each other, and then it was almost two weeks later that I heard it again. We all applauded at the celebration the ringing meant.

Yet, the distance in time from the said treatment has not resulted in the lessening of the effects of it, I have just soldiered on with the force of will and determination when I should have taken some time off. That would happen in earnest, and I am looking forward to it.

Perspective to recovery

Thinking back to almost 15 years ago; over five months, I endured 7 gruelling sessions of chemotherapy every three weeks that I was told, I would at the minimum need 6 months to recover. There were many things to recover from, weaning myself of opioid pain killers took three months after I felt no more cancer pain.

My return to work, just six weeks after chemotherapy was too much to manage that for the rest of the year from the end of March, I had Wednesdays off. My ambulatory performance had me lagging well behind people having a leisurely walk and the recovery of my sense of taste for different flavours took just about as long too.

Strangely, the seemingly lasting effect of chemotherapy was it shortened the time in which I was allergic to pollen from about 6 months to around 2 months. If anything, recovery from treatment for cancer takes time. We sometimes find ourselves too afraid to take all the time necessary to recover.

Thought Picnic: Tough love is loving yourself

Get a good perspective

We can find many excuses for all life's misfortunes and spin narratives that make the most intriguing tale of woes. Yet, one might hazard the thought that whatever we have experienced pales in significance to what others might be suffering. That is usually the case.

“I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.” Helen Keller.

That sense that the world owes us something we thought we should have had but never got, the feeling that no one is bothered about you because you have inadvertently become self-serving, self-centred, and selfish, magnifying your situation to gain undue prominence that the world even begins to revolve around you.

Assume some responsibility

You take every opportunity to blame everyone and everything but yourself. You were not loved like you should be loved, you never heard anyone say they were proud of you, and you fill your world with the misery you have created around you believing no one else cares.

No one likely cares about you because you have contributed nothing to foster the relationships that matter, taking only and giving back nothing. Those who know you have been shy of telling you the truth because you live in a Utopian mirage, and you hope it is the reality it never will become, your indulgence giving vent to your own wild delusions and self-deception.

Just love yourself

Alright, you were not loved; shit happens, then you were never commended; not everything is praiseworthy, and the way you live might not be pleasing to many; get over it and get over yourself.

What are you doing for yourself? You can start by loving yourself enough to not care whether you are loved by another or not. Like the song "The Greatest Love of All" says, "Learning to love yourself; it is the greatest love of all." Let's try that as everyone else is quite happily living their own lives regardless of whether you exist.

You have to give yourself the chance to just love yourself better and a little more and forget the past of not being loved.

How we live the life or death of our spoken words

Mind what you say

I was recently involved in a conversation that left me quite perturbed as my interlocutor stressed and hammed on about their difficulty with one issue or the other. Their belief in their precarity was such that I found it impossible to intervene and an intervention was dreadfully needed.

Usually, I stop or probably warn people about saying unwholesome and unprofitable things because I believe our speech has a spirit of creative energy and purpose. The words we speak carry weight about who we are, and how we think, and for all, consequently, define the circumstances in which we find ourselves now and into the future.

If you continue to speak about incapacity, inability, difficulty, and hardship, and hold expressions of pessimism that you inadvertently say with conviction, these words create the worlds around you and sadly you become a prisoner of your thoughts that have become your beliefs; what you say in words become your world.

Having the wrong perspective

It is a discipline to hold one’s tongue, choose words carefully, and keep one’s peace if we have nothing good to say about ourselves or others. Practising silence over expressing oneself might help review what we have avoided saying.

Then you ask, what best informs the background of thoughts that become words that show up as lived experience? You need a new perspective, a positive and progressive perspective, one that sees you in a different light, with opportunity, capability, and an unquenchable undefeatable spirit.

That is only possible especially if you are of the Christian faith, if you begin to see yourself as God sees you and then you say what God says about you.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ [that is, grafted in, joined to Him by faith in Him as Savior], he is a new creature [reborn and renewed by the Holy Spirit]; the old things [the previous moral and spiritual condition] have passed away. Behold, new things have come [because spiritual awakening brings a new life]. [Bible Hub: II Corinthians 5:17 (AMP)]

The new creation truth of knowing you have been reborn of God and living a new life is one we rarely grasp in any understanding or fulness, but knowing this change and that it is not one of effort, but of the grace of God is the beginning of renewal.

Know all good things about you

That the communication of thy faith may become effectual by the acknowledging of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus. [Bible Hub: Philemon 6 (KJV)]

We need to find out who we are from God’s perspective and acknowledge every good thing that is in us, not out of our own doing, but by and in Christ Jesus. Knowing this and thinking this along with seeing the great promises of God toward us would change our perspective and the words we begin to speak.

This brings me back to the crux of the matter, what we speak can create life or wreak the havoc of death, you would want to give life to ambition, to health, to prospects, to opportunity, to happiness, to the fulfilment of dreams and much else.

The tongue is a master controller

A good deal of this comes from what you have conditioned yourself to believe borne of the limitations of your perspective as a mere hapless human being or a creature of God’s manifest and limitless creativity.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it and indulge it will eat its fruit and bear the consequences of their words. [Bible Hub: Proverbs 18:21 (AMP)]

What fruits and consequences of our words are we living and is it time to start speaking differently by aligning ourselves to what God thinks of us and the value God places on us that he sent His only begotten Son to the world to save us?

“For God so [greatly] loved and dearly prized the world, that He [even] gave His [One and] only begotten Son, so that whoever believes and trusts in Him [as Savior] shall not perish, but have eternal life. [Bible Hub: John 3:16 (AMP)]

Please click on the links shared with the Bible verses to see parallel translations for more understanding and context.

Men's things - XVIII

Rescued to the uttermost

The righteous person faces many troubles, but the LORD comes to the rescue each time. [BibleHub: Psalm 34:19 (NLT)]

This thinking is the fundamental of the challenges and triumphs of 2024, so far. The thought of rescue is a mindset that I am not alone and that there is help well beyond my capability, facility, or resources that plucks me out of dire situations into safety and security. This is a blessing as it means one is neither hopeless nor helpless.

In writing to a friend, to whom I was relaying the events of this year I realised that each month brought interesting and wonderful developments, I am full of thankfulness and gratitude, everything will turn out right.

A blessed year showing up

In January, 2023 had come to an end without any idea of what the New Year had in store, I attended a church service in the suburbs every turmoil set aside for fellowship and praise. Then I had to face some realities, a need for reengagement and the niggling issue of a blood test that had indicators of concern. I received good news and an invitation to attend the doctor’s surgery for some tests.

In February, the blood tests showed that I had anaemia and on the other front, a prospect was taking an inordinately long time to complete. I got to travel the farthest I had in more than 18 months and met up with some old friends who were glad to see me but preferred another. As I boarded my train, a blessing dropped into my life and a moment of great change beckoned. What I wanted was only deferred, I just needed to be patient.

Wisdom is the principal thing

In March, my joy was complete in that I was glad to be counted among the living, the thriving, and the blessed. On the blood front, the anaemia was dealt with, but my prostate was telling concerning tales. That needed checking out. Meanwhile, I had to manage my particulars and experience to fulfil all the requirements for an engagement which was sometimes stressful but not insurmountable. Where I ran out of ideas, wisdom came to rescue me in ways I could not have anticipated.

In April, I was ready for a new challenge even in areas where I thought I had little expertise, I felt it was an opportunity for growth. My doctor had a quick touch and felt my prostate was enlarged too and he referred me to the urology department of our NHS trust, and this set off a range of other tests and the need for an MRI scan. I had much better music to listen to this time.

You are owed an explanation

In May, as I was taking things in my stride, I was invited to the hospital to discuss the results of the multiparametric MRI scan. I had many questions before I could agree to have a biopsy of my prostate. The challenge of facing paternalism in medicine, where they do not believe you should be intimated with every detail that leads to a decision reared its head. We had an interesting encounter and a lasting lesson: I need to be treated as knowledgeable and respectfully informed.

In June, it was just a short email informing me that a period of review had been successfully completed. My annual checkup contained information that should have been better managed as I had not seen the consultant before the detail ended up in my notes, it was a careless mistake. However, I knew it was prostate cancer but that had to take a backseat, I was going to see Brian and that was a beautiful thing.

Celebrate life over adversity

In July, before returning to discuss the options for the treatment of prostate cancer. We had a wonderful time in Cape Town. Understanding what prostate cancer meant was daunting and neither of the intended procedures seemed pleasant when looking at the post-operative or post-treatment situation. I was sanguine as I began to understand things better to do things I had only dreamt of being able to do.

In August, I found myself embedded in a changing and exciting process where I automated and facilitated things that at first would have been painstakingly difficult, manual and prone to error. My confidence grew in areas where I would not have projected my abilities. Then another encounter with medical paternalism was both challenging and upsetting. However, I had got all the information I needed and was ready for my treatment plan.

Maintain the God perspective

In September, there is growth, blessing, anticipation, and expectation. Even as I begin treatment next week, I am also enjoying what I do, each challenge becomes an opportunity to see things differently and find solutions in exciting ways. I am thankful for the blessing of confidence, comfort, and love. To have love and friends who care so deeply and fondly for you makes it a wonderful world.

There are more things of goodness, mercy, grace, favour, and blessings, to come. I am irrepressible because the Lord delivers me fully, wholly, wonderfully, and beautifully. My mouth is filled with testimonies, this little inconvenience will pass, and each subsequent month will have more amazing things to share. The men’s things will dissolve into nothing, and God’s things will be astounding miracles.

Men's Things Blogs

Blog - Men's things

Blog - Men's things - II

Blog - Men's things - III

Blog - Men's things - IV

Blog - Men's things - V

Blog - Men's things - VI

Blog - Men's things - VII

Blog - Men's things - VIII

Blog - Men's things - IX

Blog - Men's things - X

Blog - Men's things - XI

Blog - Men's things - XII

Blog - Men's things - XIII

Blog - Men's things - XIV

Blog - Men's things - XV

Blog - Men's things - XVI

Blog - Men's things - XVII

Thought Picnic: How cancer can change stories and perspectives

How times change the context

My autobiography has been a desire to complete for over a decade, yet my mastery of short-form writing in blogs has not particularly translated into the kind of story I have wanted to tell and have hoped others would like to read. I wonder if I need to go back to school for help with this.

Until a few months ago, beyond the bifurcation of timelines identifying life before and after cancer some 15 years ago, I felt I already had a compelling tale to share. Much of it has been articulated in blogs or in conversation, but in snippets of relevance or timeliness, depending on the setting.

Then, I guess I somewhat had the thought that I might encounter cancer again, but I do not think I prepared myself for what it might be. My greater concern was with living and living well. The things I sought to give me belief, confidence, and faith revolved around having the means and capacity to do things that were the substance of dreams becoming true.

How cancer redefines priorities

However, as time moved from March into April and May where tests and scrutiny had taken an unexpected direction in the prospect that my prostate gland might be misbehaving, the context of my thinking began to shift to healing and living.

The storytelling would obviously evolve in view of these new developments. Sometimes, it is an urgency to bring to a presentable state a work worthy of publishing and then the other is wondering what other stories one should wait to tell either because it is still raw or there are expectations for which one should account for.

I take each day as it comes, blessed and thankful for the gift of life and the engine of hope that propels me beyond the things that seem both insurmountable and impossible. The tendency to measure or compare against another brings foreboding or angst is one that should be consigned to what is written in the volume of the book about me. [BibleHub: Hebrews 10:7]

For it is indeed written, “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” [BibleHub: Romans 1:8]

Pour the wine and don't you whine

Fill the glass, I say

I am neither a glass half full nor glass half empty person because it has no context. As I have written before, I need to know what is in the glass, whether it is tasty or poisonous, and either way, it must be something I want to drink. For instance, if the glass is filled with good wine, I would suppose my glass would be empty or half empty, because I have downed the wine.

Then, I am reminded of one wine estate we visited in the Cape Winelands of South Africa, none of the wine we were given to taste passed the muster, we poured it away, not into the spittoon, but as an inadvertent libation to the trees behind us, wetting the roots for the occasion of woodland inebriation. Though you can never tell if a tree swaying in the wind is pissed, pissed off, or pissing happy.

Every good thing to see

However, if I have a disposition, it is generally to find opportunity and possibility, this with an element of assessing the risk-reward situation so issues can be anticipated for. What I cannot appreciate to any extent is negativity, a totally pessimistic view pretending to a form of realism that is the better part of horror, terror, and a predilection to the foreboding.

Sometimes, it is just a total lack of facility and with it comes the inability to take any advantage even when it literally slaps them in the face screaming, I am here for the taking. Obviously, one should not make a judgement on singular events. Yet, any singular event can be defining, your spirit finds and gives your mouth the words you speak and the outlook you have.

Add it to your experience

If you train yourself on the hopeless, it is unlikely that any hope would feature in how you review a situation. Rather what you have in store is a big bag of excuses, every doorway opened for you to escape from the prison of your acquaintance with everything bad is shut by one; your comfort in the place and then; an unwillingness to leave the place.

I want to believe I am always in motion living through all sorts of experiences that I have determined would be positive regardless of the circumstance. I make the best of the situation and I am both educated and educating. Places where I would never have imagined I would be have given perspective to the privileges I have enjoyed in life and I am full of gratitude that the experience is fulfilling. 

Thought Picnic: We will not be deprived of our memories

I beg to differ

Under the guise of misremembering with the advantage of being caught unawares in the heat of the moment or a discussion, you hear things that on reflection you know for a fact were never the situation when what is being referenced is recalled differently.

Oh, that we had the presence of mind to call out those things before they become the new narrative presented as the truth it never was. You do wonder if you are being taken for a fool or if the recollection is working in the assumption that you must have forgotten the reality that you experienced in full living colour.

How it really happened

The capacity of my memory sometimes amazes me, books and records of the senses in motion left apparently gathering dust in the shelves of the mind, at moments of deep thought and reflection get dusted off and leafed through to pages of an instant relived unmistakably as it is real.

It is against that vivid recollection that some seek a revision of the fact to suit a new narrative and press a point of view that is entirely invalid. If one were to look at this charitably, how we are being lied to and taken for dullards is expressed in their talking out of both sides of their mouths.

Our silence buys peace

The lasting effect of that sometimes-inadvertent deception is distrust and anger, for once again, you are discounted in the equation of things as inconsequential and irrelevant. Your restraint or occasion to the unfortunate absence of mind is taken as agreement and acquiescence. It ultimately comes to my writing to redress the false impression, it matters little whether it is read or not.

What we have been witnesses to, remains an aspect of our participation, that no one thought to ask how we were affected by it lends itself to certain cultural norms that appear to infer that time resolves things and children forget things. Nothing could be further from the truth. We compartmentalise and put things away to save ourselves from trauma, it is a self-preservation mechanism more than anything else.

We saw it all even if we did not offer an opinion then. When they think they have pulled the wool over our eyes, we see through it all, that the perfect is as imperfect as it is given to wilful corruption. What we excuse is for the sake of peace and de-escalation of the confrontational, the day we decide to challenge the presumptions, no one can be prepared for the shock of our clear perceptions.

Thinking of the wisdom of crowds

Lifted from the doorman’s view

It may now be the stuff of legend, but I cannot find the story I read some time ago about how lifts or elevators came to be built on the outside of buildings. Apparently, a prominent hotel planned to close for a long time to install elevators that required punching holes through existing floors, the construction debris rendering the hotel uninhabitable for the duration of the project.

The architects had their plans up and things were ready to go, which would have put the hotel staff out of work for months. One of the doormen heard of these plans and somewhat quipped about why they had to close the hotel and whether it was not possible to consider building the lift on the outside, thereby keeping most of the hotel business open for the duration of the said project.

From hearing to using

Someone who could influence things heard this suggestion and got the architects and designers to work on this idea which as the doorman suggested was a better way to keep the hotel going while the new lift was being installed. After the completion of the project, the outdoor lift became a draw for the clientele and the public alike.

The wisdom of crowds in a broader sense is not so much about the multitude of ideas that come in when a situation or problem is posed, but the ability to sift through the many viewpoints to see what is viable.

Some organisations get advantages out of this more than others in knowing how to pose the problem, managing the scope of those who can bring new perspectives and having the means to assess the viability through discovery, determination, development, design, deployment, and delightful.

The struggle toward delight

Delightful suggests that the outcome is beneficial, enjoyable, profitable, working, and could be improved upon with the knowledge and experience gained, and inspire to do other things.

Then again, the wisdom of crowds when not looked at pejoratively would mean one is open to new ideas by finding sources of new perspectives especially from those not steeped in the profession or expertise, in what might be both a new pair of eyes and ears brought into the conversation.

You have to wonder if you are afraid to see things differently and that your premises are challenged to the extent that you are persuaded to adopt a different stance or modify a concept to accommodate variance you had not heretofore considered. I think it is a healthy thing and where you find the opportunity to be involved in such a situation, engage it, embrace it, and learn from it.

Postscript: There are books and further academic and research work on The Wisdom of the Crowd, fallacies, crowdfunding, groupthink and so on, this blog is just a general viewpoint on some activity I was recently involved in.

Comments revealing a heart of darkness

Passing time on stories

Sweeping through new stories on my mobile phone as both a form of distraction and maybe disinterest until some usual clickbait headline catches your eye, you delve into it just to read what is being talked about.

Much as I am not into celebrity culture, there is always something to arouse your curiosity and once you have read the story, it never really ends with the story, as you are forming opinions of what you have read, you move on to the comments and that is where you get a feel of reactions to the story.

Comments in the heart of darkness

Reading one such story around a celebrity speaking candidly about their family situation, the first few comments that followed were dismissive, vitriolic, nasty, and horrible. They got me thinking about whether those comments were a reaction to what they had read or a projection of who they were.

The unnecessary nastiness towards people you do not know or will ever encounter in life never ceases to amaze me. How people just need to think ill of others, castigate and excoriate them and have the considered intention to reveal reprehensible views in these commenting sections is a mystery.

Saying nothing at all

I am of the disposition, if you have nothing good to say, say nothing, keep your counsel and let sleeping dogs lie. Where I have felt animosity toward others, I try to reflect on why I feel that way, consider why I have been unable to gain a better understanding and perspective of the person, rationalise the differences of circumstances and hope that it is not elements of the deadly sins seeking expression in my words and thoughts.

Obviously, there are other matters that would elicit comment which in my case would tack towards a generalisation in lessons for our humanity or if I may use football parlance, I got for the ball rather than the man. You might inadvertently foul the man, but it is rarely, if ever, intentional.

Finding light in the dark

Maybe, just maybe, it is a personality trait along with the excess of indolence that drives people to reveal much more of themselves by expressing views about others. It is that finger-pointing paradox, with one pointing out and your other fingers at yourself. If you should have to point with your four fingers and thumbs, it looks like an outstretched hand, one giving directions rather than an accusatory poise.

I sometimes wonder why I read some comment sections because they are majorly depressing and do not help the best of our nature. Yet in the mess of the unwholesome comments are gems of enlightenment and wisdom, they excite and encourage, hopefully, we catch them early before a pall of discouragement descends on our view of the other person.

Thought Picnic: Through the glass darkly

Limited perspectives to work with

Sometimes, I have to be aware of the fact that regardless of how I am involved or invited into a situation that I do not have the full oversight of, I am quite limited in the quality of information I have to make decisions, draw conclusions, act wisely, or have judgements.

Yet, I realise that should not because of the foregoing and the limitations totally exclude me from having and stating a perspective based on the information one already has. Pertinently, you work with what you have got whilst seeking to improve on and gain more perspective and insight.

Invariably, certain judgements will be made whereupon additional evidence would lead to a review and reassessment of a previous position.

The fundamentals remain so

Then again, this should not abrogate the fundamentals and there are always fundamentals as the basis of the intricate situations we find ourselves in, that of cultivating and building of relationships. These self-same things matter, the de-escalation of conflict, an understanding of how far engagements can bear upon a situation to achieve either the expected or unfortunately the unattainable outcomes.

This is another serious component, the need to get counsel before radical personal decisions ensuring one has tested a premise against logic, reason, and reasonableness whilst reducing the danger of being left adrift and ostracised.

Reviewing standpoints on new insight

I reflect on a situation where what I thought I had observed was wrong after further enquiry, beyond which what I also learnt afterwards left me dissatisfied as to the findings, in discussions with the protagonist, their case was quite poorly made, at least to me.

Is it any wonder that on being intimated with a second-hand narrative, there was a better appreciation of the circumstances, not so much to excuse, even if there was enough to tolerate?

Whilst this does not make the conflict any easier to resolve, the de facto patriarch is essentially of limited means and scope to address certain issues that it is of a necessity to defer to me. Sadly, that point may not be entirely understood and entreaties to the patriarch would well exacerbate rather than ameliorate. My role is to find ways and means to address both immediacy and remoteness, hopefully with alacrity where provision exists, or it is deferred whilst noted.

In family matters, the complexities demand wisdom and a better sense of who can do what when met with difficulties. It behoves all to attain awareness for the reduction of conflict and the cohesion of familial ties.

Thought Picnic: And we all were not Will Smith at the Oscars

We all have opinions

I have read with interest the many fanciful and interesting ideas and notions of people who with the benefit of hindsight and the ample opportunity for reflection would have done something differently well away from the heat of the moment when presented with circumstances that demand immediate response for which limited restraint is possible.

It reminds me of many football fans who with the benefit of panoramic views of a stadium and sight of literally all angles come to the conclusion that a footballer who has through dint of hard work and recognition of coach and peers has earned their place by virtue of talent and ability to be in that team. We forget that the person is limited to their span of vision in that setting trying to assess and respond to situations happening to and around them to find advantage for themselves and the team whilst seeking to disadvantage the opposing players and still contribute to winning the match.

Rarely the real perspective

If a footballer had the range of vision of television camera or a spectator with the kind of full anticipation of the pace and the direction of the game, we probably would be watching a different kind of football. If anything, it shows how penalty kick deciders are more than just being able to kick a ball into the net at close range, the tension, the expectation, the anticipation, and most evidently luck plays increasingly important parts in a goal being scored or the ball being saved.

A recently globally televised altercation of a rather insensitive joke made in ribaldry, to shock and amuse was met with a necessary whilst unfortunate rebuke in defence of a spouse whose partner might have been urged by her apparent discomfiture to act quite decisively to put an end to such levity. You can make jokes of anything, and yet, courtesy demands that some courtesy, sensitivity, and understanding be paid to difficult situations or unfortunate infirmities, you do not have to disgusting.

That we blab from our armchairs

To make jokes at the expense of race, disability, or sexuality would be so readily frowned upon and excoriated with the heaping of opprobrium on the joker. That we would readily accept a joke at the expense of a person who has lost a particular expression of their personality and beauty due to a condition that cannot be arrested and managed is to lose a certain sense of perspective.

Now, this is not an excuse for violent retribution, but we should be careful that we do not from our suitable armchairs of comfort be so conveniently positioned for unencumbered postulation, ruling the world on our ample backsides with opinions of idealistic but usually impossible to live realities. How we all would have acted with wit, restraint and the wherewithal to cool our tempers in the heat of the moment, as we are the epitome of the best manners and perfection. You never have to walk a long hard mile in anyone's shoes when you're sitting down.