No More Fucks to Give: On Experience, Rejection, and Self-Worth

An AI-generated infographic on the blog content. (Click to enlarge.)

The Weight of Experience

I have met, read about, and heard from people who tell me it is tough out there. This is not for any want of skill or expertise; these are people who initiated, executed, and commissioned projects and programmes in-country, abroad, and within global conglomerates, bringing function and functionality into existence.

Yet, for all that wealth of experience, along with continuous adaptation and change, a keenness to keep abreast of developments, and a depth built over decades, the market for talent seems to have closed its doors. It offers little opportunity for the kind of knowledge and insight that would profit any organisation daring enough to venture from the packaged to the rugged.

Six Hundred Applications

My own experience of this came through posting around 600 applications for jobs I not only believed I could do, but for which, at times, I was overqualified. Still, you stick your oar in for the prospect of being seen and recognised enough for what they might think you can do.

At this point, it is not a case of looking for achievement. While we can set new goals for the circumstances in which we find ourselves, there is little else we need to prove to anyone, apart from the excitement we feel in doing things, doing them well, and then being given a platform to pay it forward through mentoring, coaching, and helping others grow.

The Toll of Rejection

Each application went out on the wing of hope that the response would not be one of rejection, but an invitation to have a conversation. Those who do not know you might subject you to unconventional questioning that borders on interrogation. You half bite your tongue at being patronised, belittled, or even humiliated, because they seem to hold all the cards while you are trying to be seen beyond what your CV says about you.

This process is not without a toll on your confidence and self-esteem. You begin to measure yourself according to what you are offered rather than what you are worth. It becomes a gradual, humbling climbdown; the high they think they are offering sits at a low you had never countenanced, perhaps not in two decades, but that becomes the price for being, unfortunately, out of the game.

Stooping to Conquer

Invariably, we stoop to conquer, resetting our expectations and redefining our horizons as our laurels begin to hang on the walls that deign to accept us. Perhaps some recognition comes with it, once they realise we were more than a bargain snapped up by a market less astute.

The corporate world might forget one thing. Where others are still in pursuit of hierarchical reward, we, after almost four decades in this sphere, probably know all the machinations of office politics, the power plays, and the egos that so easily toxify an otherwise conducive workplace.

A Word to the Weary

Indeed, I encourage those who have been denied prospect after prospect not to relent; perhaps some recalibration is all that is required. I remember all sorts of things said about my old CV. It was rewritten, redesigned, and refurbished until I could almost no longer recognise myself, my work, my voice, and what I could eventually defend. In the end, it was the old and trusty CV that won it.

Finally, I enjoy what I do as a senior sort of geek. I will not be disrespected, and I will speak my mind. I do not need to be confrontational, but if circumstance demands it, the challenge will be met. And heck, many like me have no more fucks to give; annoy us and we are gone. Thank you.

A Gemini Notebook AI Podcast on this blog

Desert Island Discs: Childhood Trauma and Workplace Pastoral Care

In the passing of stories

Listening to the back catalogue of Desert Island Discs has now brought me into the middle of the pandemic, the year 2020.

However, since I began this exercise way back in March, some of the people featured have passed on. I note with particular significance Yvonne Brewster, who was the first person I wrote about.

She passed away on 12th October at the age of 87 and was featured on last week's edition of BBC Radio 4's Last Word. [AkinBlog.NL: Desert Island Discs: To Be Young, Gifted and Black]

The interview format possesses an almost disarming innocence. What gets revealed shows how the context of sharing one's choice of music can inadvertently expose both vulnerability and discovery.

A spectrum of care

Whether it's the child sexual abuse suffered by Christopher Hazlewood, who founded the Paraorchestra, or the obvious abandonment of Professor Dame Elizabeth Anionwu, born mixed race and illegitimate, housed in a convent with nuns whilst her mother visited monthly, you appreciate the kind of trauma that forms part of the history of these remarkable people.

Then there's the story Dame Sally Davies told. At the point of retiring as Chief Medical Officer, she highlighted something missing from today's teaching of vocation, the grooming of talent, and the nurturing of expertise.

On the matter of junior doctors, she observed that pastoral care was missing. Very few knew the name of a consultant; that is, if consultants could even name others they had taken under their wing.

One example stood out. She arrived for an interview in a sports car and, on arrival, ended up in a driving manoeuvre that spun her around 360 degrees.

A consultant stepped out of the department and asked if she had come for the interview. On responding in the affirmative, he called to postpone the interview until the next day, taking the time to settle her down and getting her a cup of tea.

She returned the next day, interviewed, and got the job. However, she said, without the care and consideration of that consultant, she would likely not have got the job.

Care in the workplace

By extension, that lack of pastoral care and consideration of the humanity of junior staff, when interacting with sometimes overworked middle management who are under pressure to deliver to almost impossible terms and without the time to manage effectively, diminishes the productivity of the employee in many unquantifiable ways.

This is besides the way managers use promises they would never fulfil to lure new talent onto their teams.

In the end, it is usually left to the individual to decide whether they are fulfilled in settings that barely appreciate them.

When it comes to the tussle between self-respect and being patronised to the point of feeling belittled, I would hope the former would guide the person towards seeking greener pastures whilst nipping avoidable workplace stress in the bud.

Desert Island Discs references

Desert Island Discs: Yvonne Brewster 01/04/2005

Desert Island Discs: Christopher Hazlewood 29/05/2020

Desert Island Discs: Professor Dame Elizabeth Anionwu 04/06/2020

Desert Island Discs: Dame Sally Davies 02/08/2019

Pastoral care in modern workplaces (AI-generated)

Then I asked AI the question, How could the lack of pastoral care be addressed in modern workplaces?

That's an excellent question that extends beyond the scope of blog editing, but I'm happy to explore it with you.

Based on the themes in your blog post, here are some thoughts on addressing the lack of pastoral care in modern workplaces:

Structural Changes

Mentorship programmes - Formalising what once happened organically. Assigning senior staff to genuinely know and support junior colleagues, not just tick boxes. The consultant who postponed Dame Sally Davies' interview demonstrated this perfectly.

Protected time - Managers need designated time for pastoral duties, separate from productivity targets. When middle management is stretched thin, human connection becomes the first casualty.

Smaller teams - The anonymity you described, where junior doctors don't even know their consultants' names, suggests units have grown too large for meaningful relationships to form naturally.

Cultural Shifts

Redefining success - Measuring managers not just on outputs, but on staff retention, development, and wellbeing. What gets measured gets valued.

Slowing down - The consultant who made tea instead of rushing to the interview understood that five minutes of humanity can change someone's trajectory. Modern workplaces resist this pause.

Accountability for promises - Your point about managers using unfulfillable promises to lure talent speaks to a deeper dishonesty. Holding leaders accountable for what they commit to would restore some trust.

Individual Actions

Modelling care - Even without systemic change, individuals can choose to be that consultant. Remembering names, checking in genuinely, postponing the interview when someone clearly needs a moment.

Choosing environments wisely - Your conclusion about self-respect guiding people towards greener pastures is crucial. Sometimes the best response to uncaring systems is to leave them.

What aspects of pastoral care do you think are most critical in your own experience?

I've got everything left to achieve

Building for Life

Baron Foster of Thames Bank turned 90 on June 1st. He has left his mark on the architectural landscape of the world, collaborating with fellow architects and many designers. One cannot help but be in awe of how imagination on paper becomes the realisation you can behold.

In one of his iconic buildings, where I used to have lunch in the 1990s, the Willis Building in Ipswich, with black curtain walls contrasting with a yellow and green interior, went on to become the youngest Grade I listed building in the UK.

I remember visiting Berlin and observing how a Foster and Rogers project in that city seemed like you hire Norman Foster to transform a monument into a modern masterpiece, as he did with the Reichstag building, and Richard Rogers to create a monument by building a modern masterpiece, as he did with the Daimler complex.

Everything left to achieve

Architecture has always interested me, but that is not the primary focus of this blog. Interviewed for the Architects’ Journal in May, this last exchange—question and answer—offered an insightful perspective on the man himself.

Gino Spocchia: You’re about to turn 90, an achievement in its own right. As an architect, do you feel there is anything left for you to achieve?

Norman Foster: I've got everything left to achieve. That’s an impossible question. [Architects’ Journal: Norman Foster at 90: ‘I have everything left to achieve’]

My journey to this interview was influenced by listening to Richard Rogers on Desert Island Discs yesterday; he was interviewed in March 1990, and he spoke about his early partnership with Norman Foster, then winning the Pompidou Centre competition with Renzo Piano, and Su Rogers. [BBC Sounds: Desert Island Discs – Richard Rogers]

Propinquity to serendipity

In the 20 years I have visited Paris and sat for brunch on the first floor of Café Beaubourg that overlooks the space in front of the Pompidou Centre, I have only observed people and never entered the centre itself. Richard Rogers passed away at 88 in 2021.

I suppose one first considers the blessing and fortune of good health at such an age, to continue to have zest for life and a purposefulness that suggests you believe you still have much to do and give.

Thinking of continuing potential

For Norman Foster, advanced age is not an end; he embraces a philosophy of ongoing potential, rejecting the cultural narrative that achievement belongs primarily to youth. Meaningful accomplishment remains possible at any stage of life. Retirement is not a part of this man’s vocabulary.

For someone turning 90, this perspective embodies:

• A refusal to be defined solely by past accomplishments
• An understanding that wisdom and experience create unique opportunities
• A rejection of artificial timelines for meaningful contribution
• An embracing of new goals suited to current capabilities
• Finding purpose in mentorship, creative expression, or personal growth

I am deeply inspired by this mindset, as I contemplate returning to university to learn from and engage with youthful insights and young minds. I am convinced of the importance of lifelong learning and continuous engagement with a world of possibilities.

Norman Foster exemplifies this life-affirming stance beautifully; if we have consciousness, will, health, and resources, we retain the capacity for meaningful achievement. It is clear he enjoys what he does and will continue for as long as he can. Belated happy birthday, Norman Foster, Baron Foster of Thames Bank.

References

20^th Century Architecture: Norman Foster

20^th Century Architecture: Richard Rogers

Shaped by a world of champions

We need champions

What I cannot deny is the need for champions in your life, people who see the potential and the best in you, long before you realise you could be anything. Even more so are the people who believe in you, who encourage you, give you the support to begin to believe in yourself, and offer the scarce opportunities of access and privilege to attain what might have at one time been totally impossible.

In my life, I have had many champions, out of all sorts of persuasions, the people who pulled you up when you were down and those who firm the foundations of the platforms on which you stand, you should also not forget those who do not want you to stand still resting on your laurels, they want to see you progress and they try to remove the obstacles that seem to pre-empt you.

Create your vision

The need for a vision for yourself that you can begin to think and to dream and to work towards realising is one of the biggest challenges an individual faces. How do you begin a journey to a destination you cannot even visualise yourself getting to? While an accident of good fortune might happen, we cannot live by accidents and make that a purpose for life.

Today, I remember one of the greatest champions of my life, Cash Soyinka, an uncle and relation on both side of my family who almost 40 years ago became my guardian and mentor. He led by example rather than by instruction. He took me into confidences while nurturing my voice of expression and sense of adventure in ways I could never have imagined, yet in such impactful ways.

Most of all, he allowed me the courage of my convictions, obviously, I had to convince him of why I was making a decision, even as he shepherded me with insight to be more rational than emotional. He passed on three years ago and he is sorely missed.

Take on the mantel

When another friend and mentor, John Coll, passed on at the end of 2013, I did wonder who would champion me in the issues of life. However, someone else suggested that the torch had been passed on to me to champion, mentor, and encourage others, in the same way that I have benefited from the counsel of those who came before.

Much as I strive to live up to this standard, I know I am hardly close to the standard of those who have stood up, stood for, and stood in for me. I will not relent, I hope to get better. My best friend of over 40 years is another who a few have indicated, I could never be impugned, like I could never do any wrong. I have many wrongs, but I am given allowances and forgiven easily for my failings, and I am grateful that none of my failings are used against me.

The partner champion

However, daily, it is Brian that champions me at every moment, the way I am loved so deeply and unconditionally, the way he believes in me, encourages me, and strengthens me even when I seem to lack the resolve. He sees possibilities with facility, even in the midst of limited resources and straitened circumstances, he is a believer.

I do not acknowledge this enough nor is as appreciated to the extent that it has been valuable. I do not exist in isolation; I am a product of the numerous investments of champions that have willed me on beyond where my sights and abilities could carry me. I am grateful for having had the tutelage of champions and the enduring support of those who uphold me daily.

Dr Akinboboye: A tribute

Roped to a memory

Memories are made of ideas, events, people, places, situations and much more. The things that trigger the memories are myriad with the ability to put you in a time and place.

One of my closest friends from school to whom I handed over a number of contractual obligations called to inform me that a customer of ours had passed on.

I immediately remembered a lesson in life our veritable customer taught me. He was in the medical profession and I was introduced to him via another professional acquaintance, out of that came an agreement and retainer to provide computer support and maintenance.

Know who you are

When we were agreeing a fee, he painted a scenario of people seeking his medical opinion on the hoof and for free without committing to anything in that encounter or relationship. He made it a point never to offer professional services in a social setting fundamentally because he did not acquire his expertise without rigour and great expense in cost and time.

Then, when he brought a customer or patient into a professional environment for services that might be a check-up to treatment for whatever ailment, if he was not doing it pro bono, then the fee for his services was agreed to, probably by mutual negotiation and never through haggling, bargaining, or barter.

The fundamental basis was simple, as a professional you charge a fee for your services expecting to be respected as such. From that, I could escape from the common saying that a customer is always right, because to someone who is a professional, for every idea of what a customer might think they want or need, they may not be right, in fact, they might be completely wrong, confused, unsure, indecisive, prone to suggestion, open to persuasion, bamboozled with jargon, and working against their own best interests in opposition to better judgement and advice.

The right in the light

From that perspective, I found a retort on the rightfulness of the customer, that a customer is always right when you are selling tomatoes.

Dr Peter Ibikayode Akinboboye, 67, who I first met in 1989 was a friend, a gentleman of an easy and approachable manner who sowed seeds of knowledge, insight, and wisdom in me like a mentor would. I was enriched by our frequent encounters and exhaustive conversations that evolved from my servicing his computer. I heard he passed on from complications of CoVID-19 at 67. Saddened as I am, I pray his gentle soul rest in peace. Thank you doctor for touching my life in a very significant way.

Childhood: Remembering the times I had no one to talk to

If we could turn back time

I do not know how I would have been able to help my parents redo elements of my upbringing that might with hindsight has made me a better person. However, I do notice there are things that I picked up by example and other things that probably would have been better imparted by clear instruction and relatable lessons of life rather than relying on the osmosis of parenting.

Two specific things I think my parents left to osmosis, the hope that I turned out the way they expected without their active engagement, first, the management of money and secondly the real usefulness of school and academic achievement. I think I understood I was lacking in financial wisdom when I was sent away at 10 to take common entrance examinations.

I was given some money which I frittered away and spent on things I rarely had access to like comics and gave some away to the cousins who could take advantage of my naivety and generosity, I was no wiser. During that visit, I was also given money by relations, it is strange as I remember today that I was able to account for everything I was given by them, but not properly for what my parents gave me. The way the questioning went, about how I spent the money suggested they were quite displeased with me.

No reason I knew

I attended primary school because that was what you did, I effortlessly passed my examinations usually coming second or third in the class, but I hated revision or homework. There were many times I was caught out in class, lying that I had submitted my homework when I had not. It was a shameful and embarrassing experience when Mrs Onyemenam would put me in front of the class and have my classmates call out in unison, Liar!

There was a time I was a bedwetter both at home and in the first year and a half at secondary school, yet, in the almost 5 months I spent with relations in Lagos and Sagamu before secondary school, I never once wet my bed until my father came to visit and I spent the night with him at his hotel when he was down for a business trip.

Blog - Childhood: Atòólé

In secondary boarding school, I probably had serious child psychology issues that were attended to with rituals, amulets, and crazy animist practices. I always lost my things, rarely took notes in class and by the third year, I played truant hating some of the classes because they were exhausting and boring. It ended up on my school report, my mother a school principal was completely exasperated that she had a truant for a son.

The cane was not my bane

Whilst I never face corporal punishment for my academic achievements or failures even when I had to withdraw because I failed a repeated year in polytechnic, there was no shortage of criticism and excoriation especially from my father, a brilliant and a high-achieving accountant who must have sometime wondered how I came to be his son.

I can say in polytechnic I was clinically depressed, I had instances when I attended classes and I could understand what was going on or why I was there. I was not abusing substances or anything, I just had a head that seemed to be completely unaware of what I was doing. It is strange that I seemed to keep my sanity by falling into religion. It did not make matters any easier at home.

It was in these areas of disagreement and misalignment with my parents’ philosophies that I suffered the most and received the severest corporal punishments, they together ganging up on me, it was also an opportunity to humiliate, as I was ejected from my room and made to sleep on the floor.

The home was not a school to success

Now, in the minds of my parents doing everything they knew how to bring up successful and well-adjusted children, they were doing their best with the tools they had. Too many times, the comparison was the weapon to refocus, an uncle there or an aunt there who somehow had some opportunity but apparently wasted it became the terror of what you did not want to be.

In the end, the greatest lessons in life that helped me out of the rut I was in was not the discipline, the disagreements, the fights that included a headbutting from my father, or that backhand swipe of my mother that so connected well with face momentarily blinding me, it was in the understanding of other uncles and aunts who had experienced failure and overcome those circumstances to be successful.

It is ironic that many of them had some guidance from my parents when they were at their lowest ebb, they repaid by giving their nephew allowances, opportunity and encouragement to turn my life around and believe I really could make something of my life. None of this is to spite my parents, but there are aspects of child development that have left scars even if they seem to be healed.

Thought Picnic: On growing into being at ease with everything

Understanding me

With time I have grown to understand that I am a child of privilege, the privilege of my place of birth, the privilege of my early education, the privilege of having parents who exuded professional confidence in the choice of career and the progression it took in their professional lives, the privilege of not needing to belong when there was the pressure to belong, the privilege of knowing, understanding and accepting who I am, the privilege of having horizons only limited by my ability to dream or imagine.

In having this privilege, it does not mean I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth, we were not a moneyed or rich class, but we had sufficiency and contentment, I saw in my parents a steady ambition without greed, a healthy bearing of self-respect, a commanding confidence in leadership, the ability to adapt to many situations and relate to people in different walks of life.

Fixing on the positive

It did not make my parents perfect, they had their numerous flaws, part of the privilege of my upbringing included appreciating value and discarding the dispensible; as a preacher once said, to have the sense of an old cow by eating the hay and leaving the baling wire.

Altogether, these examples have helped me adopt an outlook and mindset that allows me to thrive in many settings in which I have found myself. To accept the many privileges, I have without repudiation and guilt, recognising there are many not as fortunate as I have been and seeking ways to help others rise above the limitations imposed by the absence of privilege or opportunity to realise any of their potential.

Glad to help

Where I can, I provide means, hopefully, I can show some example, in some cases, I offer guidance and to some, I have been honoured with the opportunity to mentor. If I seek any reward, it is to see whoever I have engaged thrive and succeed, whether they better my achievements is usually up to their innate abilities and good fortune, I will celebrate and herald them, for it redounds to my joy.

In view of this, I am thinking of ways in which I have help people be first at ease with themselves and who they are without shame or self-deprecation, then be at ease with any place or situation they might find themselves to be able to express themselves clearly, with confidence, polish and assuredness.

Working on the foundations

Know that they can fit in, by merit, by ability and by achievement with every means to find opportunity, gain favour, have others see potential in them that can take them to new ground. Maybe there is a way to teach presence whilst understated, bearing, class and sophistication without putting on airs or having delusions of grandeur.

To find ways of being the best representative of yourself with simple adjustments and accoutrements, by so presenting the version of yourself without having to struggle to maintain the standards you have created for yourself in having principles, integrity and poise.

An identity crisis

In watching 'How to Break Into the Elite' on BBC Two last week, I realised how many having much academic achievement still found it difficult to access elite professional opportunities because whilst their qualifications might have taken to interviews, they rarely clinched the jobs due to other subjective elements of their person, personality, expression or conduct.

Their backgrounds, identity, schooling or absence of example of how to access these places then thrive in those environments appeared to dog their efforts and probably there is no finishing school that can properly inculcate the necessary mien and mores to give them a fighting chance. [BBC iPlayer]

Starting somewhere

The little touches matter, like the effortless knowledge of the basic social codes of appearance, language and comportment, these things appear to carry much significance in getting access, getting ahead and getting noticed. For some, it comes naturally, for others, they need to have a place where they observe, appreciate, learn and exercise how it opens doors of interest, engagement, recognition and help.

This is an area where I hope I can begin to give back in gratitude for the good fortune and privileges I have had.

Nigeria/The UK: The issue of child slavery by trusted guardians

Guardian abuse

The news [1] about the jailing of a female Nigerian-born church pastor in the UK for child trafficking and slavery is a microcosm of the abuse of guardian-ward relationships that long predates my birth.

Usually, a person of certain privilege or opportunity informs relations that their children would under their care have access to opportunity and a better life beyond that which the parents of those children can offer and in the process have the right of guardianship transferred to the benefactor on trust.

Good and bad guardianship

Taking the example of my parents, my father got to stay with his great-uncle who was a mentor that offered every opportunity for my father to succeed, by encouragement, by inspiration and by challenge – he went on to be a successful accountant and I have seen lots of correspondence between them that shows the amazingly mutual respect they had for each other.

In the case of my mother, she stayed with a first-cousin once removed on her maternal lineage who being a school master with an apparently evil wife meted out unbelievable cruelty to my mother than the stories we heard made the hairs on the backs of our necks stand on end.

Alone with the scars

Being far from home, there was no one to deliver her from the abuse she suffered apart from a neighbour who after enduring much of the anguish and cries of the child tried to intervene. However, the guardians got away with almost anything and made to justify their cruelty with notions of discipline or imparting the benefits of industry in the child.

After my mother left their guardianship, she rarely ever kept contact with any of that family but I was taken aback when he died and my mother was so distraught that she did not make it soon enough to witness his funeral.

Beneath it all, there is was a form of gratitude I could not appreciate but for all the scars my mother bore I am grateful that she did not in turn project that onto others.

Our dread of religious figures

Back to the general issue, this pastor and thereby a religious figure would have offered by reason of her vocation references that we fear to check all due to our cultural dread of the supernatural with regards to people of the cloth or some sort of religious calling. We have the feeling that religious people have the power to call down fire or have the earth open up to swallow us up at command that we rationalise with the irrationality of not touching God’s anointed regardless of character.

A religious person is a self-notarised person who can vouch on their own recognisance that we seek no other references as to their responsibility, honesty, humanity, compassion, competence and ability to do what they profess to be able to do.

That provided one of the elements of trust that allowed the parents of the two children affected by this case to allow this wicked person to take on these children as dependants.

The false Utopia of being abroad

Beyond this, the notion that the benefactor was in the UK beclouded the necessity to check what the benefactor was really doing in the UK. Somehow, to the person in the village and dare I say to many resident in Nigeria, a UK resident and broadly anyone abroad is a person of means, a person of influence and a person under whose mentorship one obtains a fast-track to opportunity and success.

The fact was this pastor was an illegal immigrant in the UK, who had a false passport and had provided false passports for her children and the wards she brought over from Nigeria.

The wards once on UK soil never saw the opportunities that were promised them rather they were engaged as slave labour to serve the whims and sadistic caprices of their presumed benefactor.

Escaping to freedom

No information is given of how long these wards were engaged in slave labour denying them the opportunity to seek out a life of independent borne of honest mentoring but this criminal enterprise came to light when one of the victims escaped the home of her “benefactor” after being physically abused and thankfully this was in the UK where it was unlikely the victim would be sent back to endure her lot and station having received the great privilege of leaving Nigeria for the glorious setting of the UK.

There are other instances of abuse where a young man had been resident as slave for 14 years [2] having arrived in the UK with the promise of getting a university degree but got dumped out on the streets destitute when he rebelled against his treatment.

This kind of ward or dependant abuse I believe is very prevalent in our Nigerian communities, it also extends to African communities where it woman of 47 [3] was brought over from Tanzania and seriously abused.

This problem not only involves those trafficked for slavery abroad but within Nigerian itself from villages or impoverished relations to major cities where the well-off guardians would rather exploit unfortunate distant relations who cannot fight back or complain than employ the house helps they cannot inordinately abuse without sanction.

Core parental responsibility

It is incumbent on parents to ensure that if their children are wards of other guardians, they have ways of ensure that the promises they were given are being fulfilled and there might well be some iota of truth in the conversations they have with their children rather than default to the notion that their children are being workshy.

The best way to elicit such situations is to agree to an innocuous code word that would indicate suspicious activity and they should not take everything on trust from those they have devolved the responsibility of parenthood too.

There are no easy answers to dealing with the abuse of wards and dependants but we need people to know that sending their children away on trust could be fraught with dangers they will never learn of, it is still the responsibility of a parent to ensure that the promise of a bright future is not paved with an absurdly tortuous present.

May I use this opportunity to introduce AFRUCA - Africans Unite Against Child Abuse (UK)[4] an organisation that deals with issues of the abuse of African children and offers a service to deliver children from slave bondage who have been brought to the UK under false pretences.

Source

[1] BBC News | Pastor jailed for trafficking African child 'slaves'

[2] BBC News | Tales of slavery in modern London

[3] BBC News | Harrow woman convicted of keeping Tanzanian as slave

[4] AFRUCA - Africans Unite Against Child Abuse (UK)

The absence of character

People I meet

I cannot say I am good judge of character from the onset. People grow on me, I observe them, learn from them, appreciate them and sometimes judge them – I am only human.

However, everyone starts with a measure which has me believing the very best of them, some impress, some inspire and some disappoint.

I have been honoured by people who have allowed me to touch their lives in whatever small way; I am always full of joy when they go on to become very successful, where I have had opportunity to share my experience some use the information to positive effect, if they become more successful than I am, it gives me even greater pleasure and fulfilment.

In my time, I have also met people who have had difficult upbringings, like being fostered in abusive environments or thrown out of their homes by parents who sometimes forget that the child does not turn out to be something that is completely oblivious of their input or lack of it.

Not a perfect child

Now, I was not a perfect child, I gave my parents headaches and I once had one after being head-butted by my dad – I do not fault my upbringing, my parents did what they knew best; with hindsight there are probably a lot of things that could have been done differently.

This adds another item to my New Year's Considerations – estranged from the patriarch of the Akintayo clan for years, there are scars that have refused to heal, somehow, one has to resolve these issues – none of us are growing any younger, the time for feeling the pain should end for a time of reconciliation and possible restitution – if only.

Surviving as social misfits

Of these people, I have been seriously encouraged by their ability to strike out for survival, they may not yet attain or be able to afford luxuries but they are not burdens on society – some are still striving to better themselves and they would continue to receive both my support and encouragement in their development.

Unfortunately, much as survival is an instinct, most have become men but have been unable to become gentlemen. They lack a sense of duty or responsibility, their loyalties are built upon meeting needs rather than growing enduring friendships – there is no sense of character and they never take any criticism in good light, no matter how constructive, they are rebellious long before they are cornered or found out.

This absence of character is exposed at those points where trust, responsibility or expectation has been invested and they have come short.

My ruined pearls

Sadly, there are instances where the proverbial pearls are cast before swine and they are trampled upon – give them independence and they think they have the whole world; give them freedom and familiarity almost always breeds contempt – they burn their bridges long before they have had opportunity to cross them.

Somehow, there is a fatalistic tendency to act or react without consideration of the consequences – I am left utterly amazed at times, but in due course I learn that what makes a man is more than what you see of them in an instant - that instant is sometimes also the sum of who they are.

If the necessary pruning is not done when the young tree is growing, you might have to take completely developed branches off at a later date – in all, I still believe the best of people and hope that there are ways in which I can adapt to things that my opinionated perception finds repulsive.

Again, these are my observations, your experiences would almost certainly be very different.