Thought Picnic: The Power of Desire

The seed of destruction

It started with a conversation in places that few dare to meet and with a picture whose beauty was as engaging as to be irresistible, one was caught in the gripping claws of the unmentionable.

There in the deepest recesses of the being, the weaknesses that had been so easily exploited by those who could and the yearnings for satisfaction that one longed for in times past had been unleashed, one was to become a slave to a new passion that dare not speak its name.

The messenger from the damned never returned, his work had been done the seed had been sown and soil was fertile having been soiled with the things that time and time brought shame and reproach too many times that it had become the norm.

Like it was 1997

Before they knew it, we found common cause and interest with those who sailed close to the wind in their quest for the inordinate and the debauched, our restraint barely holding us back from reckless abandon.

There was a bizarre safety in numbers and the numbers are not a few, gathered to please and pleasure each other, out of sight, we took the flights of fancy that individually to our lives brought blight we never dared to share.

Dragons be here

Much could be done to resist and some did find strength to desist but the power of desire did insist that we might soon cease to exist.

There is a message out there to those who would hear and it is too clear if you are to retain the company of those you hold dear. Those who have unfortunately crossed the Rubicon may not live in regret but might sound a warning to those behind; on a pill a day for the rest of ones life – dragons be here.

Thought Picnic: The hold of that thing that brings grief

The man

It is with sadness that one reports the news that a respected guiding light and a father figure, someone who had assumed a fatherly influence over others finds himself sent to jail [1] for 8 months for offences of the flesh.

Before I begin to sound sanctimonious, it is important to address some serious matters that people in similar circumstances will do well to take heed off.

The said religious leader who has a very respectable following as well as the commendation of his peers that he sits on boards of their organisations in the UK and abroad has lived with that thing that he has battled with years.

The struggle

He might have hoped to insulate himself by aversion therapy by being married, having children and building an institution that thrives on the promotion of family values and some apparently succeed.

It however does not mean that thing is in volcanology terms extinct, in his case, it was dormant and occasion presented itself for the mountain to rumble, maybe the earth did move and one cannot say for sure if the volcano itself did become active, but you do get the idea that I do not have to develop the analogy any further before this blog needs to be rated.

A volcano remains a volcano whatever state it might be in, one might expect over time certain circumstances might allow for the awesomeness of the volcano to exhibit itself.

It would appear that the man succumbed at various times to his weakness and might have by reason of his office and leadership imposed himself on others who could not effectively resist his advances and he sought his inordinate pleasures.

The abuses

Now, there is nothing wrong with adults seeking the pleasure and company of each other for sexual satisfaction, it is then a matter of consent and willingness – we should not as adults be ashamed to be engaged in things that adults do consensually amongst themselves, that is why we are adults.

Adults however have responsibilities, they have authority, they could be role models and they might be looked upon for guidance by trusting non-adults.

In this case, an adolescent was fondled and it appears that experience completely traumatised him that it seemed to affect many productive spheres of his young life.

In the other case, a man though under the authority of this man appears to have been persistently inappropriately touched in what was a classic situation of a breach of trust.

It would appear the man had form since there were eight allegations in all and not all those affected were persuaded enough to give their statements to the police.

That thing

It goes without saying that “that thing” despite the case of being violated carries a stigma in a community that is willingly illiberal, stridently intolerant and scripturally schooled in vile homophobia.

The fact is people do struggle with their sexuality and many more than we all care to acknowledge, some suppress their urges but my volcanology analogy should be kept in mind; some find some expression for it living double lives on the “down-low”; others embrace their lot and get on with their lives; that is a fact of life.

What cannot be condoned and hence making this sad story a case of justice is where people try to find expression secretly by the abuse of minors and hope that the weight of their office will keep the act concealed.

Who we are

There is in fact no substitute to just being who you are, accepting who you are and dealing with it; a failure to accept who you are would almost always bring you to grief with grave and possibly shameful consequences.

What could have been could have been different – it does not make the ministry of the man to the time of his accusation any less valid and of value to those who enjoyed his spiritual guidance and tutelage.

At the end of this sorry saga, a man of God is first a man with all his weaknesses then of God seeking strength to help manage his frailties.

It would be a test of Christian love for the church to help rehabilitate the victims and be ready to welcome back their leader when his time is done; that test, many a church has failed.

The hold of “that thing” continues to have its hold and it does not necessarily have to be homosexuality, everyone has something that is “that thing” to them – we are only human.

Sources

[1] Evangelical pastor Odulele sentenced for sex offences - Channel 4 News

Other references

About Glory House

The UK: Child Sexual Abuse in Nigerian Communities

Thought Picnic: Debunking the myth of the man of God

Lies - Between human frailty and the law

Lying to protect - the unrecognised dilemma

Being economical with the truth or lying is something too many human beings do for one reason or another - many do think they can get away with it, but when they get caught it is never a good end result.

In the best of situations, the truth - honesty being the best policy - can come with some pain but your integrity, honour and respect is maintained, in the long run there might even be a reward.

When it comes to great men with much to protect, a reputation, a stake, a relationship or some circumstance, much as the luxury of being an observer makes one entreat the principal to come clean and be over with it, there are some extenuating circumstances that might prevent them for speaking the truth.

Sometimes, there is conflict, when dealing with the law; the truth is expected regardless of the situation, but when the issue touches on the very personal which could bring shame - the human dimension is lost whilst they who have never sinned rile the principal to derision.

This is no advocacy for lying, but put yourself in these two men's shoes.

Truth in a dress

Just about 10 years ago, a man of great importance in a long-term relationship coming to 20 years had been involved in some infidelity with an intern in his office. This improper relationship became the means by which he was assailed by his political enemies when he was asked if he had any sexual liaisons with the intern.

Now, an improper sexual relationship is not something you go and tell your wife like you just made a fantastic deal, in fact, the likelihood for any man caught in that kind of situation would be to completely deny that situation till the accuser can produce incontrovertible evidence, at which point, disgrace, dishonour and disdain are heaped on the principal as he apologises for a lying.

In this case, it was the sperm stains on the dress that caught him out, one could almost say that it as all planted to ensure that he was caught in a desperate situation. The man was Bill Clinton, the lady Monica Lewinsky and prosecutor Kenneth Stark - Mr. Clinton is the man making history, the other two who sought to bring him down do not have footnotes on those esteemed pages.

Mr. Clinton definitely should not have lied but if anyone asked you in his circumstances about an improper sexual liaison would have owned up in public?

Where did you meet?

More recently, a well-respected businessman had a relationship with a young Canadian that lasted four years. There is no doubt that the young man would have in that time grown accustomed to the style and status of his amazingly well-to-do spouse.

When the relationship ended, it would appear the wealthy businessman cut his ex-lover adrift, but having not made sufficient contingency for the welfare of his "discard", the young man in dire straits after entreaties to his ex-lover decided to monetarise the information about this relationship by selling his story to the tabloids.

Now, there was nothing improper about the relationship though it was homosexual and private, the business man being a closet gay man.

What amazes me about this whole situation is how the businessman's support infrastructure which usually is quite solid and disciplined allowed the situation to degenerate into that what we have now.

In trying to prevent the young man from selling the story, the businessman went to court and the question about where they met arose. Obviously, any respectable person would like to say they met their partner in some romantic setting; it has only become socially acceptable to say you met on some online dating site.

The businessman with a career and reputation to protect said he met the young man in Battersea - probably a gay cruising area - innocuous, but plausible, however, the young man who had nothing to lose said different; he met the businessman on a gay escort website.

Oops! Someone has been caught in a lie; the businessman on court documents - his undoing and this disgrace as this has now been exposed - a resignation with a loss of probably £20 million in payments where probably £1 million in a blackmail payment might just have kept this under wraps for another few years.

The businessman is Lord Browne who resigned as the Group CEO of BP yesterday, the young escort, Jeff Chevalier - time will tell how history would play this out. Lord Browne however could face perjury charges.

If asked and indeed you met your partner as a Pretty Woman, gigolo, on an escort website or some place of ill repute tell anyone that is where you met?

The law deals stridently with perjury, however, there has to be mitigating circumstances when it comes to what might be lies of passion.