Memento Mori in the Modern Workplace

The Two-Headed Fear

I usually say that I am only scared of a person with two heads, and thankfully, I have never met one. Yet in my working life, I have had many encounters with colleagues, juniors, seniors, and C-suite personnel.

In the main, they have been nice, respectful, considerate, and courteous. It is the workplace that brought us together; our backgrounds can be radically different, just as our outlooks on the world might never be the same. If we are human, humane, and accommodating of each other, it makes for a pleasant working environment.

Frustration Is No Excuse

There have been exceptions, people who think their positions give them room to misbehave and be discourteous. Usually, they get away with it, and the behaviour becomes compounded and accepted by many. Once, I was offering support to a caller at work when he began hurling expletives out of frustration.

We all get frustrated, but frustration is no excuse for abuse. I calmly told him that I did not get paid enough to take abuse at work, and informed him that I was going to put the phone down.

When he was ready to discuss the matter calmly, he could call me again. We ended that conversation, and a few minutes later, he called back, apologised, and I resolved the matter.

The Gracious Senior VP

On another occasion, a deployment for which I had provided statistics showing a high success rate just happened to brick the Senior VP’s device. His secretary was implacable, and other senior staff were running around like headless chickens. I was instructed to call the SVP to explain my actions.

I had never met him before, but he immediately acknowledged me, then said he had seen the statistics and understood that, on occasion, something might fail; it just happened to be his device. He closed with, “Take your time, I appreciate what you do.”

There have probably been other technical personnel elsewhere, in the very same position, marched out of the office simply because the screen on a manager’s computer flickered.

Things can be that brutal. I learnt early in my career that keeping users honestly informed reaped more dividends than leaving them ignorant of what might affect what they do or how they work. To inform is to liberate.

The Master of the Universe

Bring in the esteemed fellow, the one to whom no one says no. He has the ear of the CEO, and anything he says is gospel and unquestioned. To have attained that status is commendable; but unlike the generals of ancient times, who at their victory parades had a man whisper memento mori into the ear of the celebrant, this master of the universe, for all that they have achieved, yet so lacking in character, thinks they own the world and that everyone answers to them.

They seek exemption and exception in the demands they make. Aggression and coarseness are their raison d'être; nothing is ever a request. They hold Aladdin’s lamp, incessantly summoning the genie to grant any wish, and should the wish be denied, truculence becomes them.

Any resistance, even a reasonable challenge to their requirements, is met with forceful tales of woe about how they cannot get anything done because the system, the design, or the personnel are lazy, wasting time, and derelict in their duties.

The thrust of the conversation leans towards disparaging you, your work, your team, and anything else you have done professionally and diligently.

Winning the War for Peace

It is tempting to assume nothing can be done when management indulges its favoured figure. Yet such attitudes can be named and challenged, and I have done so many times, with success. The behaviour is not untouchable; it simply relies on everyone presuming that it is.

Each encounter is weighed on its own merits; sometimes you yield, and sometimes you hold firm. Where there is no point in holding the fort, and they are used to having their way, you make that allowance too, for the peace of mankind.

Yet even in those bruising encounters, you can own facts that clearly prove their position wrong, leaving them with no option but to concede the point, even if they remain unrelenting in pursuit of their self-aggrandising goals.

We do not have to win every battle when the war is for peace, for respect, for dignity, and for the recognition that in every endeavour, no matter the position, the esteem, or the remuneration, no one of us is better than another.

We are equal as human beings, deserving of the same courtesy, respect, and dignity. It is in our efforts together that we all make the organisations we work for successful.

A Google NotebookLM AI Podcast on this blog

Thought Picnic: Choose your travel companions carefully

Sharing with the caring

Choose your travel companions carefully, they are usually rarely blood-related but the bonding that grows between you gives a daring sense of adventure that you won’t wish for another to share the experience.

The journeys you venture on in life come with perils and triumphs, you must think about who would support and succour you first in the wilderness and long before you get to the city comforts that mask the true nature of your company.

Know the wolf cries

Fairweather friends are many, feigning interest, love, and engagement, sometimes our discernment and the ability to be a judge of character deserts us and in the process, we face unexpected betrayal and hurt. To know the signs early is to be blessed beyond measure.

When you are following someone, do not follow them too close so that you cannot cut yourself loose when they are determined to end up in a ditch. You do not have to be collateral out of blind loyalty. Fall because of your misstep rather than out of using another’s eyes.

Know the person indeed

If your friends are your relations, you are probably lucky, in every case. judge a person on their own character and integrity and avoid allowing the corporate trust in an environment of allegiances like a place of worship, business, or a club to vouch for your association. Many have had their fingers burnt in being taken advantage of by malevolent people covered by community settings.

Be wary of sycophancy or bias, take the compliments and test the sincerity of anything that attempts to puff you up, between friends, honesty, frankness, openness, and bluntness does crucially matter. You need to know who would pull you out of the fire. They will always stand with you yet will not let you get away with bad behaviour. We all need accountability partners, cherish them with love, honour and respect.

Choose your travel companions wisely, that can be the difference between getting to your destination or perishing along the way.

Not acting on what is remembered of them

We see only the good

Through affinity and familiarity, we acquire the kind of subjectivity that blinds us to certain characteristics of personality and integrity. The people we seem to know by whom we have determined they can do no wrong, we hoist them on plinths of adoration, unimpeachable and perfect despite their flaws being evident to others.

The searing truth of the character of our somewhat familiars escapes scrutiny and challenge, we are left totally unpersuaded of the truth and maybe that is necessary for the kind of relationships we need to maintain for the respect or the mystique the person presents to our opinions and adulation of them.

Speak the truth always

Yet, I am of the rare disposition of not speaking ill of the dead whilst not supporting false encomiums and epitaphs that suggest a life lived differently from the knowledge we have of such persons. The needful must be done, to bury the dead. However, to praise them beyond their lived human expression is to at once attend to falsehood and do them an injustice.

The evil men do remains the evil they have done, just as the good they have done is the good for which they should be lauded and appreciated.

Do well with all

In the many stories I have heard of people who have heretofore seemed worthy of praise because their deeds are concealed in the secrecy of acts that others remember them for, I have been astounded.

All I can say is that for all that they might have done wrong, we should find it in our better selves not to act as they have done to us and so become like them, but to rise to a standard for which we might be found good, faultless, and exemplary.

The sands of time will always archive the record and in the way we have been made to feel, by those who have contemned us, if we cannot forget, we can attempt to forgive.

Chicken Licken unsafe in Ejigbo

Ideas from mother

I do wonder if those who dare me to write about them on my blog are indirectly asking to be written about. The conversation is usually topical enough to find a few lines of interest. Whatever, the idea sown, until it is executed, it stands alone.

Like this morning, I called to chat to my mother, who answered her phone with strict formality, I had to say, this is your son calling. She was no doubt pranking me as we exchanged greetings and got a message to her that I should have done, a couple of days ago.

Chickens lost and found

During our conversation, we were interrupted by a neighbour who had apparently come round into her compound looking for their chicken, though, I did not ask if it was a cockerel or a hen. Whilst chickens do stray into neighbouring compounds, my mother said two of her chickens never returned home.

One would not want to suggest the neighbours have been chicken-napping, but chickens are intelligent enough to know their way back home except if by happenstance they have met an expected end at the hands of someone else. Chickens that free-range into my mother’s compound are safe from danger, and that is why neighbours can expect to collect their flock if they have strayed there.

There was Chicken Licken

This brought me to the idea of giving one’s poultry names, and though one cannot vouch for the mental capacity of the galline (adjective for chicken) flock to have individual identities, there might be possibilities therein.

It would ensure that when chickens wander off, they can be called by name, just as one would any of the canine kennel and have then cluck and chuck back home long before they are stewing in strange neighbouring pots. Honest neighbours matter, but hungry neighbours make chickens an endangered species.

Thought Picnic: We lose when we have none to question us

Who can speak to you?

I think of this a lot, the danger of primacy, the curse of being at the pinnacle of power and authority with a court, courtiers, or acolytes who pledge fealty and extraordinarily little truthfulness and honestly.

More and more, I realise than a man needs to be answerable to another man, it behoves us to surround ourselves with people who can challenge us, question our motives, withstand our opinions and persuade us of alternatives in direction and decision. At the very least, if we are not to be dissuaded, we should be able to defend our positions with conviction, courage, and truth.

No place is lonelier than to be where you are out of the reach of checks and balances. Where reality is bent to your will and none that see you can say what needs to be said to bring a sense of reflection and ground one in the incontrovertible essences of existence, that power is transient, life is not immortal, and deeds with their consequences are rarely forgotten.

Honest counsel is more than gold

Through history into the present day, you wonder what better decisions to change the course of history might have been visited if kings and queens long gone were better advised, generals and leaders did not rule with terror and an iron fist that even the truth was trammelled and out of reach in their counsel and counselling, if my own father was subject to the scrutiny of some of decisions and actions.

Yes, these thoughts occupy my mind when it comes to myself, the things I have done that with better insight and advice with counsel, direction and mentoring might have saved me from the foolishness and stupidity of my ways. Yes, much as it can be bruising, I desire friends and partners that will be honest and unrelenting in their engagement to make a better person. I will deploy my wiles and caprices, but they can and do put a mirror up before me that I can see myself clearly.

Seek to listen to glisten

We would normally say, we are our own greatest critic, that is good, but have people around you who can critique rather than criticise, who can appreciate with all its caveats, yet not excoriate. We need iron to sharpen iron, the forge to heat the iron, the anvil to shape the iron, none of which in its processing is easy work, but the result is a fine tool or instrument for the task in hand.

I know I have such friends; I ensure that my ears are not clogged with earwax so I can hear and listen, understand and comprehend, working towards a better representation of myself. I hope also that I am equipped, courageous, able and persuaded to offer the same to help my friends be the best they can ever be, either in giving them the assurance they need or the persuasion that is required. 

Nigeria: We come to bury Abba Kyari, not to praise him

Mark Anthony: I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him.
The evil that men do lives after them;
The good is oft interred with their bones;
Shakespeare – Julius Ceasar Act 3 Scene 2. [Poetry Foundation]

A disambiguation of similarities

Overnight, I read that the Chief of Staff to the Nigerian President, Abba Kyari, had passed on. Now, I was neither shocked nor moved by the news of his death, I did not know him. It was only recently that I realised there were many unrelated prominent Abba Kyaris in Nigeria. [The Guardian]

The one I was familiar with was a Brigadier Abba Kyari who was the governor of North Central State with the capital of Kaduna from 1967 to 1975, during Yakubu Gowon’s regime.

Being such a prominent member of President Muhammadu Buhari’s cabinet, with an extensive portfolio bordering on a megalomaniacal abuse of power, his loss to the government would be hard felt and as one would expect, hagiographies would be posted with reckless abandon to the praise of the man. One even dared suggest he sacrificed his life to the country. The jury would never reach a favourable decision on that assertion.

The hubris of prominence

Abba Kyari had succumbed to the Coronavirus having returned from Germany a few weeks before, he had underlying conditions that would have made him susceptible to the virus if he contracted it. Whether he quarantined himself after returning to Nigeria is unknown, but in a political setting of patronage and neopatrimonialism, I can imagine that courtesy calls and visits would have greeted his return from abroad.

In acknowledging his overarching influence in the federal government, I tweeted, “His Grand Eminence Cardinal Richelieu has departed the Court of Buhari II. All flags in the empire and dominions at half-mast.” [Twitter] There are ways in which one can say he is an unfortunate victim of systems he implemented, for in other times, he probably would have rushed abroad for medical attention, but borders were closed for medical tourism, he had to face the realities of Nigeria, albeit in a private hospital.

One of the legacies of his alleged abuse of office was out of an apparent power tussle with an erstwhile Minister of Health, he transferred procurement authority from the Ministry of Health to the Federal Ministry of Agriculture and Rural Development in October 2018 and never reversed this edict even after a new minister was installed. Invariably, this would have hampered the Nigerian preparation for a pandemic virus as the one which took his life. [Punch]

Being honest to the dead

Now, I will not at any time speak ill of the dead, but that does not mean we should deny the truth of the dead also. The truth can be spoken without it coming across as ill or the lack of sympathy. What would do the most injustice to the memory of the dead is to lie about their lives and craft falsehoods to beatify their passing, quite undeservedly. In speaking of the dead, honesty must always be the best policy or one must keep their counsel in silence.

As we were taking in the news, some people posted anecdotes of meeting Abba Kyari, his friendship, his concern, his humour, his courtesy and much else featured in their recollections. In a way, outside of his official capacity, he seemed to be a likeable everyday human being. I would concede that even the evillest people to the public quite likely has private relationships and engagements that paint a different story of who they are.

Every Caesar has a Mark Anthony

In my view, I think those anecdotes are necessary, for as the person is dead, the book of accounting is closed and trial balance is done of all accounts of who they are, what they did, how they operated, who they affected, and it all comes together in a simple biography of the person, exemplifying a broad spectrum of humanity from virtue to villainy, from good to bad, from nice to nasty.

In that vein, I would recall the oratory of Mark Anthony at the execution of Julius Caesar, for there would always be a Mark Anthony of our times to eulogise a contemporary Julius Caesar and they will only ask for you to lend them your ears, you have every right to lend your ears or close your ears, but we must allow Mark Anthony the stage to speak, not so much about the ambition of Caesar, but the humanity of the Caesar he knew.

Abba Kyari was interred earlier today, but it would appear the essential social distancing rule was not adhered to at the graveside, I hate to think this folly might presage the death of some of the attendees and others they might come in contact with. It is as if they did not realise that the man in the coffin was proof that the Coronavirus should not be trifled with. May Allah grant repose to the soul of Abba Kyari, his deeds in his lifetime, however, are for the record of history.

#NigeriaDecides: It is a part of a campaign - Anything but the truth is what we need

Enough of it

Yesterday evening, after watching as many sickening lying tweets pass my timeline that veers from exaggeration, through embellishment to outright falsehood, I had to react to one particular one about Transparency International.

The tweet suggested Transparency International data made a comparison between the present and a period 8 years before Transparency International came into existence. For the record, Transparency International was founded in May 1993.

The worst comes forth

Now, I would have ignored the tweet as noise, but the person who I have not met before, however, respect as a 'journalist' who runs a newspaper as an Executive Editor is someone I respect for reasons difficult to explain since we have never met. The fact is people project a personality on social media that you grow to like and generally follow and engage.

What has bothered me is this electioneering season in Nigeria has brought out more of the worst of than the best of people. The propaganda with sensationalist headlines has reached a crescendo that the whispering truth and facts have been lost in the cacophony of the malevolent.

Desperate times

The air is rife with conjecture and conspiracy, the opinions rock perspectives like a small boat tossed about in turbulently rough seas, we are literally left at the mercy of the hope that we still have our wits about us to be breathing for the wish for discernment and discrimination is long far gone.

All I can say is these are desperate times, the chaps in charge, in a Nigeria that was barely functioning to its potential would have hardly scraped entry-level management, but they have found themselves holding Nigeria’s purse strings.

With literally untrammelled power, wealth and opulence beyond their wildest dreams, these people are not going away without the dirtiest political battle for office Nigeria has ever witnessed.

Their being in office supports the most aggrandised company of gluttonous pigs with their snouts in trough of the national largesse, the prospect of change is fearsome and terrifying for them because not only will they go hungry, they risk incarceration for their heretofore excused and celebrated criminality.

It is a part of a campaign

Indeed, we have a Nero who fiddles as Nigeria burns, thinking like the man in the street that has never left the street, he pardons the corrupt, elevates the questionable, excuses the inexcusable, utters the intolerable, celebrates the reprobate and redefines corruption with platitudinous acceptance. He does not give a damn.

With that kind leadership, it is no wonder that when I challenge someone about tweeting lies and creating tales represented as fact, I am told, "It is a part of a campaign."

That is the danger we face in Nigeria, "It is a part of a campaign." Anything goes, without consequence because reputations count for nothing if your patron is in charge to give you the semblance of normalcy and success whilst offering the delusional Utopia of everything is well in Nigeria.

They promptly take credit for the successes of others despite them and even more rapidly apportion blame to others for the failures they are responsible for.

"It is a part of a campaign." That is one thing I will remember of those who abandoned principle, virtue, honesty and truth for political expediency. I am beginning to lose my respect for people I once respected, but "It is a part of a campaign."

Thought Picnic: Writing and the virtue of self-forgiveness

Forgiving ourselves as we write

"The more important virtue for a writer, I believe, is self-forgiveness." Elizabeth Gilbert

I cannot agree more, as each time I write I feel like I am undressing myself, looking deep into myself sometimes to the greatest discomfort and discomfiture.

Yet, between licence, liberty and limitation, one must assess what must be written and what must only be thought of. For without balance the risk is to publish and from there comes damnation. You cannot be wiser after the fact once the horses have bolted.

A writer possesses a mirror to the soul, whether the soul is full of light or darkness is for that person to honestly admit to themselves or ignore at their peril, but whatever they see inside, the writer must observe and learn or be blind and suffer. Though some for the lack of conscience do write only for their bellies; unprincipled, dishonest and well, reprehensible.

Using it well

We constantly face our frailties and foibles, our weaknesses and worse still the things that we with difficulty admit is our foolishness and stupidity, and there are many instances of such.

As we write, we hope to learn, we hope to improve and maybe express that which is downright silly with wit or even humour, and dare we even try a bit of smartness.

With introspection comes a lot of self-flagellation, sorrowful regret, sometimes shame or even guilt, it is at that time that one should be ready to accept one's fault, forgive oneself and move on.

#LindaGate: It was mainly about Plagiarism

“Plagiarism is the copying or paraphrasing of other people’s work or ideas without full acknowledgement. Intentional plagiarism may incur severe penalties, including failure of your degree.” University of Oxford. [1]

Conflicts of lessons not learnt

As one predicted on Monday, enough evidence was presented to Google to have the gossip blog pulled down.

There is no doubt that the lady would regroup and re-launch, however, it is unlikely that the hard lesson of life and experience has been learnt going by the rebuttal she posted yesterday.

Unfortunately, many were quite conflicted and confused, abandoning the objective for the subjective, she played victim and we were suckered.

Nigeria in a big world

We must recognise that anything we do online today is no more confined to Nigeria, we are part of a global village, and there are rules and standards to play by. We are constantly put up to global scrutiny in terms of our attitudes and conduct.

The many things people got away with on the Nigerian streets would find sanction and excoriation when given a global review on the Internet. It behoves us to know how those rules work so as not to be caught out by them to the extent that we might suffer dire consequences.

Breaking the rules

The Linda Ikeji Blog, broke the rules with impunity and the blogger was deluded into thinking the small fry that accused her of infringements could do nothing to have the blog taken down. Now, she knows better.

What we must never lose sight of is the reason why the blog was taken down - PLAGIARISM - and the blogger was an unrepentant plagiarist, we should not be confused or conflicted about this fact and truth.

Plagiarism is wrong and it is worse when material you did not originally produce is falsely passed off as yours on the one hand and you use that material directly or indirectly for financial gain.

Measuring character over success

We also have to check our values and appreciate that success mainly measured by wealth, power, influence or following without character or virtue is fleeting. Our measure of respect for a person which might include position should really be of a higher standard of being seen and known to do the honourable thing, having integrity and a modicum of humility.

A person of integrity has no need of things to express that innate virtue and it can be learnt if we have a teachable spirit.

We need to understand how the seemingly grey areas can blacken and besmirch what we have painstakingly built and invariably bring ruinous reputational loss.

Know the bad behaviour

Moral equivalences are no excuse for bad behaviour, we need to declare conflicts of interest and maintain the transparent standard of full disclosure so as to avoid being labelled hypocrites and worse still, dishonest or frauds.

If whatever we publish is not originally ours, we must, acknowledge, attribute and reference or we are plagiarists. If we need to seek permission and we receive no expressed consent, we risk being labelled thieves.

In all truth

Plagiarism however is no trivial matter; students have been rusticated and indicted criminally for cheating, journalists and politicians have lost their jobs for being plagiarists, it is dishonest and reprehensible; careers and reputations have been ruined because of it.

‘Plagiarism is the "wrongful appropriation" and "stealing and publication" of another author's "language, thoughts, ideas, or expressions" and the representation of them as one's own original work.’ Wikipedia. [2]

It is the greatest slight to be proven a plagiarist and there is no badge of honour in copying and pasting the work of others and passing it off as yours. What is wrong is wrong, and nothing can excuse plagiarism nor should it be tolerated when exposed.

Finally, lest we forget, the Linda Ikeji Blog was taken down on proven evidence of serial unrepentant PLAGIARISM whether people had a hateful, jealous or envious agenda is beside the point. Google acted on evidence of misappropriation of material, intellectual property abuse and infringement, not on sentimentality.

Read up on plagiarism.

[1] University of Oxford – Plagiarism

[2] Wikipedia – Plagiarism

I acknowledge to my observation that the first use of #LindaGate was by Funmi Iyanda.

Opinion: Our low threshold for standards

Our sense of judgement

Some events of the last few days have now opened my eyes to why Nigeria would languish at the bottom of corruption rating indices.

The Transparency International Corruption Perceptions Ranking places Nigeria at 144 out of 177 countries with a score of 25 out of a hundred countries.

I observed in a number of tweets that the corruption measurement parameters are skewed to a Western perception of transparency to which we have very little sensitivity.

The poisoning of openness

For instance, there are too many areas where "conflicts of interest" have no particular meaning as pertains to public office.

People or organisations might have multiple interests which could affect their motives or cloud their judgements on issues where independence are critical for a transaction to be above board.

Neopatrimonalism is the order of the day where officials dole out without accounting or accountability to obtain favours and allegiance.

Here, especially people in power buy access, influence, allegiance, obeisance or votes by using the commonwealth of public funds.

Transparency is more a dictionary word rather than one of civil engagement required in all transactions.

Few talent pools

Whilst we are aware of nepotism, influence peddling and malfeasance, they all seem to be instruments of acquiescent brokerage.

We acquiesce to the abuse of power, privilege and office; as much as we can rail against this when it is not in our favour, we are accepting of the gains that this brings us without quibble, concern or even conscience.

The extension of this is the tribal and clannish tendency to want people like us in power rather than the best people we could find do things for the good of all.

The number of states in Nigeria is evidence of the many pools we have to fulfil positions to represent federal character but these many pools do not constitute adequate talent pools to tackle the challenges that face Nigeria.

Low thresholds for standards

For instance, we have a Freedom of Information Act that appears to be a tool of courageous engagement than an everyday call to accountability.

In the almost 30 months of the signing of the Freedom of Information Act, we have not seen its common usage in unravelling the obscurantist tendencies of the government, this especially in determining the cost of our democracy, how much oil we produce, how it gets spent and the real cost of the fuel subsidy.

The fundamental ethical demands of honesty, openness, integrity and so on, have a much lower threshold of fulfilment.

Normalised abuse

We have low expectations of ethical conduct, this accompanied with a very low emotional intelligence of the leadership that they are not discerning of issues enough to adapt or adjust until shamed, blamed, defamed embarrassed into taking appropriate action.

Rather than address the issue upfront, we seek moral equivalences and comparative scenarios to excuse reprehensible conduct or justify positions we have taken.

Consequently we are almost inured to the abuse of power and office, whilst those in power cannot be made fully accountable because the pursuit of truth, fairness and justice is neither with determination nor resolute.

Objectivity and honesty

I reflected on this as I read comments on certain blogs that partly inspired the blog I wrote yesterday - Opinion: The Salvation of Full Disclosure from Hypocrisy

The bigger lesson I want us to take away from that blog remains – With Full Disclosure, whilst people might question your objectivity, they cannot question your honesty, when you juxtapose that statement with another - Without Full Disclosure, whilst people might not question your objectivity, they will question your honesty.

You have a trade-off between objectivity and honesty predicated on full disclosure, that subtle distinction is what had me in the middle of the absurdity of apologising for manifest hypocrisy.

I have to admit and accept that my cultural influences are probably too diametrically opposed to my greater engagement that we all probably have a long and hard job of re-education and reorientation to appreciate that we need to raise the bar for ethical conduct.

Opinion: The Salvation of Full Disclosure from Hypocrisy

And I did

I rarely leave comments on other blogs, not even under duress, but this once I did, because, there was a need to say some pertinent things.

The issue concerned people who I consider friends from Social Media, I love my friends, and I cannot bear to see them warring in public, at the same time, I am rarely sentimental about my desire to have people cut it out and return to a modicum of peace.

I hope that when I view matters brought to my attention, I am able to see things sometimes quite radically different from others, it is a matter of perspective and there are many narratives to any situation all depending on where we observe things.

The spirit of gratitude

Like a popular author once said, we should be careful of the single story, and I rarely reiterate the story told by others if there is another angle of approach.

Broadly, this issue concerned charity, opinion, confrontation, offence, recalcitrance and opportunity for vituperation in the aftermath.

My view of charity is simple; there is only one valid response, it is gratitude. For they who bring succour and respite are angels in disguise for that time of need.

That angels displaying human nature can later on turn out to be obnoxious does not obviate the good previously done, its value for that time, place and setting is immeasurable.

The conflicts of gratitude

Demands can be made by the generous to serve interests inimical to the views of the recipient, but it is for the latter to adapt with reserve, circumspection and wisdom, it tests the patience and resolve. It is not beyond the capacity of all to exercise such.

We all have opinions, but the better part of valour is knowing how to make forceful points without alienating a source of goodwill. Goodwill should not present a sense of enslavement, and it is reprehensible for those who have done a turn of good to make unreasonable demands of those they have helped.

The fundamental, much as it is difficult to understand is that the act of generosity is meant to attract commensurate gratitude. There is no time limit to the expression of gratitude whilst it can accommodate the expression of truth with moderation, consideration and circumspection, which should not contemn the deeds of those who have visited with an outstretched hand.

No hypocrites with full disclosure

That said; there is a wider and broader issue when it comes to having opinions and views you want to share. There is no restriction on the freedom of expression but it is hypocritical to posit forcefully on issues where you have once been a beneficiary of a related cause without declaring an interest.

It is called “Full Disclosure.” This allows people to understand that you have an interest as you have a strong viewpoint, and whilst people might question your objectivity, they cannot question your honesty.

There is a reason why honesty is the best policy, because with it comes transparency, clarity, openness, fairness and truth.

The hypocrite has no refuge

In my opinion, the best way to tackle a festering problem is to determine its root cause, and there is no doubt in my mind that the absence of full disclosure in an original opinion opens that person to the excoriating rebuke of hypocrisy. The form criticism for hypocrisy could take varies, but we would be naïve to think there are parameters of engagement when it comes to condemning hypocrisy – no, there are none.

When seen in that context, it is easy to apportion blame, but it is hoped that people would engage to ameliorate the situation, albeit in the public space.

In closing, I would say, never sequester your freedom of expression, but if you have an interest in the matter or have been a beneficiary of the system that you have a strong opinion about, err on the side of full disclosure and save yourself the ridicule of being called out as a hypocrite.

Thought Picnic: Live Your Life And Avoid Deathbed Regrets

Tackling regret before it sets

This morning as I was going through my feeds and other traffic on my Social Media world, and I happened upon this article that I was quite persuaded to share.

Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed. Reading through I could not help but realise that I was once quite vulnerable and close to death but almost in too much pain to have regrets, I just needed something to deaden the pain and some other thing to keep the food down. [KarenStan]

Second chances

Beyond that experience was the hope that I will survive my ordeal, and as soon as I did, I found myself revisiting places I had been to before just to prove to myself that I had recovered, even though my life had radically changed.

I am grateful that I have done things I have never thought possible before my life-threatening experience and with this new lease of life that I have, it is important that one handles the issues listed well before they become the pointers of regret without any more time to fulfil them.

Live your life

Recently, I believe my writing has been more personal, honest and deep; it is important as I sometimes tell one of my closest friends that we begin to live our own lives by coming out of the shadows and wholeheartedly applying ourselves to the pursuit of goodness, happiness, well-being and fulfilment.

There are parts of our lives and personalities we have held back in conformity and adaptation to the environments and communities we belong to that the full expression of who we are is stifled for convenience, probably fear or even shame.

We live our lives so different from who we really are, so as to be accepted by people who expect us to be what we are not. Constantly fending off pressures and interferences with tact and dissimulation bordering on lies when we must be true to ourselves whether we be accepted and loved or not, because the deathbed regrets will always be personal, never communal.

Beyond the wishes

Therefore, I ask you to review the list and the article, take yourself from the wishing to the doing and then to the accomplishment. Whilst we are able, strong, healthy and have the means, there is much to be done until nothing else can be done. Have the courage of your convictions and refuse to be a victim of the circumstances you find yourself in.

If the last expression is happy and the end seems fulfilled with a smile of satisfaction of a life well lived, we would have ushered ourselves away from our mortal coils with a sense of achievement and a story well told after we are gone.

Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed.

1. I wish I had had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I did not work so hard.

3. I wish I had had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Always have this in mind - You’re free, to do what you want to do

Ultra Naté – Free (1997)

- o - 0 - o -

Where did we go wrong

Where did we lose our faith

My brother is in need

But can he depend on me?

Do you think if one of you tried

Maybe you could find

A better friend than any other?

If you gave more than you took

Life could be so good

Come on and try, now's the time

'Cause you're free

To do what you want to do

You've got to live your life

Do what you want to do

Do what you want

Do what you want to do

Are we all strangers?

Does anyone really care?

Deep down we're all the same

Trying to hide our pain

You think you can never trust another

'Cause they're all out to get ya

We have to live in this world together

If we open up our hearts

Love can finally start

Come on and try, now's the time

'Cause you're free

To do what you want to do

You've got to live your life

Do what you want to do

Bridge when you're down and you're feeling bad

Everybody has left you sad

Feels like no one will pull you through

It's your life, whatcha gonna do?

Make that change, let's start today

Get outta bed, get on your way

Don't be scared, your dream's right there

You want it, reach for it

'Cause you're free

To do what you want to do

You've got to live your life

Do what you want to do

Do what you want

Do what you want to do

Courtesy MetroLyrics

Songwriters

Ultra Naté, Lem Springsteen, John Ciafone

Published by

Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd., Royalty Network, Foreign Imported Productions & Publishing, Curb Music/Curb Records/Mike Curb Music/Curb Songs, Peermusic Publishing, EMI Music Publishing

Opinion: Watching the tombstones of integrity long dead

A great disappointment

A simple definition of integrity as offered by Google is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.

Where we find leadership wanting in honesty, trustworthiness and truth, we lose our confidence in the people to the point that their leadership becomes untenable.

A damaged relationship

In a democracy, those who lead have responsibilities that derive from the consent of their electors, there is trust reposed in the elected to act in the best interest of all with fairness, truth, justice and principle.

We damage this dynamic irreparably if in the face of manifest wrongdoing, those we expect to know different acquiesce, condone, tolerate and excuse the reprehensible without shame or embarrassment.

An embarrassment of atrocities

A leadership unable to react with contrition and take reparative steps out of embarrassing actions of their cohort have taken licence to act with impunity.

They have become wayward, lascivious and debauched, reprobates beyond redemption whose end like history told many times before is utter destruction because the instruments of accountability that could have checked their excesses is too compromised to moderate anything they do.

What gives?

This is the story of many lands to which we owe allegiance, and if we are to rid ourselves of the unconscionable grip of the kakistocracy that holds sway like a swarm of locusts over our fields of grain, we must give voice to the need for truth, probity and justice.

Many events we have read in the news recently point to the moral bankruptcy of those we trust; we can only wonder what to do to rescue this atrocious set of circumstances.

We have to think about what this means for us as country, as a people and for the future.

Disconnected at Villa Bellagio Bussy-Saint-Georges

It just gets worse

Everything that made our hotel a great relief to move to in terms of location, quality and availability of services seems to have been lost to circumstances within the control of the owners but left to decline into atrocious service.

I cannot for the life of me understand how a 4* hotel cannot have “Do not disturb” signs to put on the door that other guests tend to steal the few available from other doors to put on theirs.

In my case, I had to retrieve mine from the room next to mine and then mark it up so that it could be identified if stolen from my door again. It is unnecessary but not with housekeeping staff desperate to meet their quotas that they will enter your room if it is not barricaded.

Having the “Clean my room” sign on my door has made no difference either and I have not been able to demand something be done about it until this morning for that fact that I have been working unusual hours.

96 hours offline

What irks me most is that the hotel offers free wireless connectivity as part of their attractive package and for one it is probably the biggest reason why I will consider staying anywhere away from home.

Four days ago, the service went down but having returned to the hotel at just before 3:00AM I could not be bothered to chase up the problem until the morning. At dawn, I went to speak with the desk clerk about it and I was allowed to use the computer at the reception to send an urgent email to work.

Later, when I got to speak with the desk clerk on day duty, he simply offered the view that it was a free service to which I retorted, the free service was essentially what made their hotel attractive compared to the competition.

Lies and flies

The manager then said this was a problem with Swisscom and that more hotels were affected, we took that on face value but there was something suspicious about us not getting a signal from the access points, the problem could hardly be with Swisscom.

I got my colleague to call up Swisscom on the third day suggesting he report the problem without intimating Swisscom of what the hotel had told us before and we learnt that they were not aware of the issue.

Talking to the manager later, I tried to spare her the embarrassment of letting her know that she might have been caught in a lie by preparing her for what I was about to say. She swore Swisscom had been informed but I let her know that the problem we had in the hotel by reason of the knowledge of networks the four of us had pointed to problems in the hotel.

The truth is bitter

With our call incident number we made two further calls to Swisscom with the hope to resolve the problem and we learnt this morning that Swisscom was no more doing business with Villa Bellagio Bussy-Saint-Georges and this can only have been due to the hotel not meeting up with its obligations.

What I find most irksome is that the hotel having put out a falsehood about the state of affairs regarding wireless network connectivity stuck to the story without realising that some of their guests will indeed try to determine the root of the problem and report back their findings without mincing words.

A new sign

It is with that in mind and the fact that every advertisement about Villa Bellagio Bussy-Saint-Georges touts free wireless internet that doesn’t exist and the prospect that the next 10 days I will spend there will be as harrowing experience of being incommunicado that I have taken a picture of the sign outside the hotel and updated it with today’s reality.

A red cross over the Free WiFi offer because that is the case and until that changes, anyone who needs internet access as part of their hotel deal should consider other accommodation for now.

Getting bad attitude from one of the desk clerks and the running down of what is supposedly a 4* hotel by 0* staff having been offered a service they are making no moves to restore is just not the way I intend to spend the next week and my name will be known by the time I leave.

As always, I am not a vexatious customer, just one with a requirement that I reasonably and any one reasonable person will expect to be met.