Taking friendliness to heart

In patient endurance

In a telephone conversation that I could not wait to end that there was an urging in me to ask what the particular purpose of the call was, I held on still to allow it to come to its natural end.

It was not a conversation, I was on the listening end of everything and the work inside me was one where I rationalised to myself that it was a test of my resolve, I had to recalibrate my ability to engage my friend even when my eyes begin to glaze over and my neck stiffens in obduracy to avoid being swallowed in the mental chasm of his chaotic and yet charmed existence.

Then again, I was somewhat vindicated when he said that chatbots could not understand him, this is not just because of his accent which is quite distinct, much as I hate to use the word torrent, his speech is like a waterfall of words without attempted enunciation, you strain with much difficulty to understand him, you begin to tune out.

A burden of care

Beyond that, I had begun to associate this ‘speech impediment’ and it has to be that if we are speaking the same language and yet we cannot understand each other, with mental exhaustion. It is energy sapping with all the wringing of anything you can wring if caught in the web of this engagement.

Yet, my love for him is undiminished, as a friend and I will support him, where I can calm him down enough to have a conversation, and understand where he needs my support, he can count on me.

With all the tendency I could have to assess, I have come to another appreciation of what I need to do in terms of endurance and patience, there is much work to be done in being more longsuffering, for I have been forgiven much more than I have dared to forgive others.

Thought Picnic: Sometimes, forgiveness is arrogance and ignorance defeated

Giving and getting without the for

The ability to differentiate between forgiving and forgetting was brought home to me again when I visited the District Six Museum and followed the guided tour hosted by a former resident.

She told her story with depth and feeling, it was palpable, we maintained such respectful silence as she relayed how Apartheid dehumanised an entire community in the pursuit of fulfilling a policy of the segregation of races.

She had not forgotten every single detail of what happened to her up to her mother dying within 48 hours of being forcefully ejected from a home where she raised 11 children.

History, not misery

For me, there is a lot to remember and much else I must never forget, all these in their recollections and stories are part of my life, my history, my narrative, and forms part of how my worldview is defined.

We all need our stories and some of us get to tell them in brutal and excruciating detail. Forgiveness, however, is how we allow those experiences to define us. Whether we would allow the wrongs and those who have wronged us to continue to have a hold on our lives and by their presence become an interminable upset brewing unmitigated resentment and bitterness.

People are who they are

This is where I begin to compartmentalise, some people are pathological sociopaths, they would never acquire an iota of emotional intelligence. I know I few and I have extricated them from my purview, our lives have diverged and long may that divergence continue until distance and time has obliterated every smidgen of whatever constituted our encounter.

Some may not know how to empathise, they think the world revolves around them. To some, I have been as blunt as I can be, to others, I have refused to be wrapped around their fingers, to be at their beck and call. I jealously guard my independence, it is with great difficulty that my autonomy would be subdued for longer than it takes for me to realise I am being played.

People are really who they are

I excuse a lot because for all sorts of reasons, the lives of others have followed courses I cannot begin to understand. Once I find a context within which to characterise that expression of themselves, I can deal with the situation. Between taking liberties and making allowances, you find a way to coexist with consideration out of contemplation.

I do not know if I am my own greatest critic, but I have been able to look at myself at certain times and accept I have flaws, faults, frailties, foibles, falsehoods, and foolishness. Some things I am about to do on impulse would be trammelled by premonition and conscience. I hope to be more alert to these guardians of my soul. I have learnt not to condemn myself in the things I have allowed and in that, I find some forgiveness for myself.

Even in the many cohorts I have identified, I probably have to seek forgiveness for things done and said, in omission and commission, it is a process of getting to be at ease with both oneself and others. Have there been times I have come across as supercilious? At times, it is where I have put myself and in others, it is a projection redolent of where they have put themselves. I strive to lift than to debase.

Disabling my ignorance

In terms of hypocrisy, I am of the opinion that it is not entirely a bad thing, it is a source of knowledge, both the person with a speck in their eye and the other with a beam in their eye need the speck and the beam removed so they can both see clearly.

In the process of managing oneself and understanding the work of forgiveness, in the words of the management sage, Peter Drucker, I need to “discover where your intellectual arrogance is causing disabling ignorance and overcome it.” Take out the word ‘intellectual’ and much more can be done to better oneself, by learning and unlearning with the view to overcoming fundamental flaws in our humanity.

Thought Picnic: Writing and the virtue of self-forgiveness

Forgiving ourselves as we write

"The more important virtue for a writer, I believe, is self-forgiveness." Elizabeth Gilbert

I cannot agree more, as each time I write I feel like I am undressing myself, looking deep into myself sometimes to the greatest discomfort and discomfiture.

Yet, between licence, liberty and limitation, one must assess what must be written and what must only be thought of. For without balance the risk is to publish and from there comes damnation. You cannot be wiser after the fact once the horses have bolted.

A writer possesses a mirror to the soul, whether the soul is full of light or darkness is for that person to honestly admit to themselves or ignore at their peril, but whatever they see inside, the writer must observe and learn or be blind and suffer. Though some for the lack of conscience do write only for their bellies; unprincipled, dishonest and well, reprehensible.

Using it well

We constantly face our frailties and foibles, our weaknesses and worse still the things that we with difficulty admit is our foolishness and stupidity, and there are many instances of such.

As we write, we hope to learn, we hope to improve and maybe express that which is downright silly with wit or even humour, and dare we even try a bit of smartness.

With introspection comes a lot of self-flagellation, sorrowful regret, sometimes shame or even guilt, it is at that time that one should be ready to accept one's fault, forgive oneself and move on.

Thought Picnic: In Forgiveness I Feel Hurt Deeply

Forgiven

I cannot recall the collective noun he used for the 4 types of forgiveness my pastor preached about in church today but I found that I could well put myself into a muddle on this matter beyond what I have ever considered before.

He started with the fact that we had been forgiven, forgiven by God, that is and with it comes redemption, righteousness, justification, sanctification and peace. Much of what I can remember of what I have read in the Bible.

As I meditated on the words of his message on my walk to the lake in my neighbourhood, I was caught in the throes of feeling so inadequate and forlorn.

Drawing parallels with the prodigal son, there is the element of forgiveness Godward and there is that which is man-ward.

I wondered if I had been forgiven by the many I have interacted with in my lifetime, my parents, my relations, friends, colleagues and whoever else. This was not looking good, I decided not to dwell on it.

Forgiving others

Then it was the matter of forgiving others; that came with its attendant baggage, there are things I have not begun to handle of my parents, my relations, abusers, bullies, some friends, slight at indifference and the apparent lack of concern I felt others might have towards me.

That again seemed to plumb the depths of unnecessary depression, it was something I needed to let go off and stop it from taking root in my life for there was some indication of bitterness that for all intents and purposes was unhealthy and worrisome.

There is work to be done on this that I most definitely need help, much help, I must confess.

Forgiving myself

We need to forgive ourselves, he intoned, that was a really difficult one because as I did walk down to the lake, a very ugly thought crossed my mind like it did some 32 years ago. Would it not be such a great pleasure to kill myself?

All seemed dark as I seemed to gasp for air and grope about as if to grasp at something to hold onto that I posted the following tweets.

Left to myself, thoughts wander in my mind that I should never consider because I dearly want a better story than this.

Closing doors to rooms where I can't breathe and opening doors to rooms with no light, I've become a stranger in my own home.

The serenity in the distance is distant because I cannot run fast enough to walk on water, my boat is gone.

I shed my blood and I shed my tears, feeling and emotion though for a while is negative, this will pass.

I think I have not forgiven myself, I must write to expiate this melancholy.

I am the ruthless saboteur of my life may it is time to turn myself in. I laugh at my folly.

The lake with the other shore over 2km away has succumbed to the optical illusion of looking like a wall just 2m high, I can do this.

Then it dawned on me that I have to forgive myself for who I am, forgive myself for what I’ve become, forgive myself for what I have done, forgive myself for what I have not done, forgive myself for where I am, forgive myself for how I got here, forgive myself for not seeing the child in me, forgive myself for not being the man in me and forgive myself for not forgiving myself.

As I bled from the blister I had pricked I shed some tears for myself wondering about an unsure future that lay ahead of me.

Forgiving God

Which brought us to the topic of forgiving God, I have stories I have not even begun to tell for which the questions still start with why.

Time has passed and time is passing as things seem to unravel with no particular resolution in sight. Pastor said that we should reach beyond our faith to trust, we need to trust in the faithfulness of God that He is for us.

We need to get to that point where we can say regardless of what might be our circumstances we are nevertheless fully persuaded of the love of God for us and that His sovereign purpose is well beyond fulfilling needs.

But, I have grown weary in battle, I don’t know if I have strength, much less faith or I am just bluffing my way through life in the hope that all will eventually turn out right.

Never have I needed one to confide in as much as I feel I do now, a hand to hold, shoulder to find my humanity and frailty along with just a stronger assurance that it will all pass.

Forgiven, to forgive, to forgive and to forgive is a whole process of letting go of much hurt and pain exacerbated by trials and adversity. If I cannot look around for I am alone, I am left to look up and draw on sustenance that has no doubt helped me in needier times that this.

It is well with my soul.

C3 Encounters 2012 Conference: Day 1

How it began

We kicked off our C3 Encounters 2012 conference in Amsterdam to much funfare and activity with a great praise and worship session that soon moved into a time of prayer for Europe led by Pastors Simon and Valerie McIntyre who are the C3 Directors for Europe.

Pastors from sister churches around Europe were called to pray in their native tongues and we were given historical perspectives of German influence on European Christianity that gave birth to the Reformation movement through Martin Luther, the Swiss and Calvinism, the Dutch and the New Zealanders who feature strongly in our movement through Abel Janszoon Tasman and much more.

We heard prayers in German, then in French – In fact, I have never heard anyone pray in French, it was moving, I was overcome and then in Bulgarian for the Balkans, for Scandinavia and for all other European nations.

Making disciples – Pastor Simon McIntyre

The first session then had Pastor Simon McIntyre preach from the text of Matthew 28:18-20 where he stressed that disciples were made and not found, highlighting the fact that the seeds for church growth were in the local church itself but they had to be developed. We were to look for what was within and amongst us using that to grow our local churches.

He then extended the command to baptise through immersion to immersing people in the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, immersing people in the word of God, immersing them into our lives through modelling the word and thereby being an example to others.

Disciples are chosen

Disciples, he said are chosen by reason of leaders identifying faithfulness or giftedness, it is usually incidental and it involves building on that identified potential.

There is a tough love aspect of making disciples, it is direct, strong, loving and confronting – good disciples respond well to rebuke and it works best when passed from generation to generation.

The lesson to take away from this message was the goal of a good leader is to see potential in others and work on making new leaders by example, deed, lifestyle and conduct.

The extraordinary in the ordinary – Pastor Steve Warren

The host pastor, Pastor Steve Warren took on the second session with a message titled – Recovering the extraordinary in the ordinary.

He exhorted us to have a childlike expectation of the extraordinary in the ordinary, working on text from the Acts of Apostles 2:38-47. A case of ordinary people who being empowered by the Holy Spirit sent to them on Pentecost suddenly performed the extraordinary; speaking in different tongues and adding 3000 followers at the first event.

He illustrated the concept better when narrating the tale of Syrophoenician woman who came to Jesus seeking healing for her daughter. She was at first ignored, then told He only came to save the Jews and went on to tell her it was not right to toss the children’s bread to dogs to which she responded the dogs do get to eat the children’s crumbs under the table – with that she got what she wanted.

Crumbs are as good as the loaf

However, the context was that she did not see the ordinariness of the crumbs but was able to rationalise that whatever was in the crumbs also came from the loaf of bread and therefore was just as good as having the loaf.

He said, “The level of your hunger will determine the level of the extraordinary that will happen in your life.”

Praise, he said opens the gates of heaven to the extraordinary and he exhorted us to give thanks in everything according to I Thessalonians 5:18. Other text references he used in his sermon in relation to the usefulness and efficacy of praise and thanksgiving in creating the extraordinary from ordinary circumstances included Psalms 100:4; Psalms 95:2, Ephesians 5:20 & Psalms 34:1.

The Power of Commitment – Pastor Peter Paauwe

Pastor Peter Paauwe, a guest preacher continued from where Pastor Steve Warren left off with a message titled "The Power of Commitment."

He started by saying that problems and challenges are our stepping stones to breakthroughs.

Then he based his text on the narrative in I Samuel 30:1-15, the story being, David returned home to find that his city had been raided and razed with families of both himself and his men taken captive, though they were unsure of what had befallen them.

Pastor Peter made a number of assertions that prayer does not move God but that God is constant, unchanging and is always committed to us. However, prayer can allow us to change our perspectives radically to see and appreciate God’s cause for us.

As David and his men realised what had happened, the story says these mighty warriors wept sore until they had no strength and got to the point where they laid the blame of their predicament on David and were ready to stone him.

We were to reflect on the number of times were we met with adversity and looking for people, issues, situations and even God to blame for deserting us in our time of need.

Count your blessings

David however took a different tack, he strengthen himself by encouraging himself in the Lord, that is, he recognised the many times God had been good to him – in modern parlance, he counted his blessings reassuring himself of God’s commitment to his cause.

II Chronicles 16:9 says, “The eyes of the Lord search the whole earth in order to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.”

The context of commitment suggests a heart at rest, a heart at peace and a heart confident in God rather than in panic, frustration and turmoil. We have to be fully trusting in God.

He said, “Our problems say nothing about how God is committed to us.”

The text goes on to say David enquired of the Lord if he should go after those who raided his city and he was told to go and he would without fail recover all.

Act decisively and promptly

The pastor then said God does not speak in long sentences and the opportunity to take advantage of a word from God is only there for a season.

Case in point was when the Israelites were refused to step forward to take the Promised land at the first opportunity and judgement was visited upon them that they roamed the wilderness for 40 years before a new opportunity to possess the land.

In essence, we need to be decisive, prompt to act, maintain a spirit of compassion for within our doing right and doing good might lay the solution to the once insurmountable problem.

A fleeting moment of opportunity

They found an Egyptian who for three days and three nights had not taken food nor drink and he had been left for dead because he took ill and as it transpired when he was brought to David, he was fed and watered. On recovery and interrogation, it was discovered he was a servant to the people who raided the city, he knew what they had done and where they had gone.

The lesson here was that God’s keys to our solutions usually appear weak, for instance, another day of waiting, grieving or being inconsiderate would have had the Egyptian die with David and his men none the wiser as to how to obtain a fulfilment of God’s promise that they will recover all.

He averred that, “All the power of God is displayed in the weakest things.”

We need to be committed to compassion, committed to people and committed to recognising God’s commitment to us and it is in making that a lifestyle that we can obtain our breakthrough.

The offertory – Pastor Thierry Moehr

Before the evening message, Pastor Thierry Moehr from C3 Lausanne shared from Isaiah 54:2 for the offertory.

“Enlarge the place of thy tent, and let them stretch forth the curtains of thine habitations: spare not, lengthen thy cords, and strengthen thy stakes.”

He said we have an invitation from God to live a big life, we are all extendable but God can only take the space we give Him.

We need to give God the chance to be a big God in our lives and that can only come about when we decrease ourselves to let God increase. It is about stretching, extending, sacrifice and letting go, all that allows for God to do what he is good at – being God.

Forgiveness and healing – Pastor Phil Pringle

The final session of the day came with Pastor Phil Pringle, the leader and founder of the C3 organisation preaching from Luke 5:17.

“Now it happened on a certain day, as He was teaching that there were Pharisees and teachers of the law sitting by, who had come out of every town of Galilee, Judea, and Jerusalem. And the power of the Lord was present to heal them.”

He preached the gospel of grace signifying who and what we are in Christ is not as a result of what we have done but by reason of our taking on what Christ had done for us.

Conversely, the learned scholars of the law could not comprehend the essence of Colossians 1:21-22 “And you, who once were alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, yet now He has reconciled in the body of His flesh through death, to present you holy, and blameless, and above reproach in His sight.”

It is accepting the sacrifice of Christ that allows us to be presented holy, blameless, and above reproach in the sight of God.

Achievement is the work of many

Then using the passage of Luke 5:17-26 he expatiated on how the power of God to heal was of no benefit to the scholars who had crowded out the place such that those who believed the power of God might help their paralytic friend had to find alternative ways to get to Jesus.

He assigned roles to the four friends of the paralytic; Leader (Had the idea that Jesus could heal his friend and proposed all the strategies to get to Jesus.), Helper (Joined in to follow the leader in what he had to do.), Intercessor (Arranged for the bed to convey their friend.) and Evangelist (Persuaded their friend to get in the bed to be carried to where Jesus was.)

In setting out this scenario, he said no one could achieve their full potential without the help of others stressing that unity is the place of power and the fulfilment of any destiny in the church is done in the context of connections and relationships with others.

Forgiveness presages healing

Having found they could gain no access to Jesus they let the man down through the rooftop having removed the tiles and the story says, Jesus saw their faith and then addressed the man that his sins were forgiven and thereby he was healed. [Note that it is the faith of the four friends Jesus saw in ministering to the paralytic - sometimes we need a helping hand to access the free mercies of God.]

As the scholars questioned what Jesus had done reasoning with their hearts about how he could forgive sin, the man who had believed with his heart that his sins were forgiven picked up his bed and walked.

One notable statement Pastor Phil made was that, “People are attracted to a non-judgemental environment.”

He developed this by saying, “Unforgiveness lies at the root of many people’s illnesses,” and that “forgiveness and healing almost always go together.”

As he shared a story of forgiveness and healing he said there are three main blockages to forgiveness.

• Not accepting forgiveness from God.
• Not accepting forgiveness from others.
• Not forgiving oneself.

He closed by calling people forward to be prayed for.

Conclusion

It was a very busy day, well organised and everything seemed to work as planned, I am sure most attendees were mightily blessed and all this was just on the first day of the conference. There is excitement in the air.

C3 Encounters 2012 is on a roll.

Religion for bitter or better people

Left as kids and lost as adults

In the light of recent events, let us examine the matter of crime, punishment, rehabilitation and social consequence.

Our liberalising values have consigned the heretofore corporal punishment as a deterrent to children and juveniles to the moniker of barbarism as we try to reason with toddlers and attempt to bribe adolescents to be socially responsible.

Certain commentators would opine that discipline in our youth is a big problem and as we have come up with innovative ways of curtailing their freedoms they have likewise come up with more bizarre ways of thumbing their noses at society. The growing prevalence of gun and knife crime as well as social ills like juvenile drunkenness, pregnancy and anti-social demeanour has its roots in things we have left undone in the formative years.

Doing the law with flaws

One then questions the fairness of meting out strict, strong and extreme punishments for crimes committed as adults when as children the issues of actions, consequences and responsibility had been deprecated in favour of rights of the child over any other important aspect of upbringing.

The result is, we end up with bitter people rather than better people; this concept turns on the application of religious laws enacted in times when men were illiterate, living in feudal societies, subject to the whims of those in power who acted with impunity, when not much value was placed on life and self-respect was about knowing your place in society – a position from which you never saw promotion.

I worry about the gap between religious adherence and social consequence; one law would require that the hands of thief be cut off as punishment, another would suggest that he who steals should steal no more and engage in work – one executes wrath whilst the other embraces mercy – it should not take a social scientist to determine who would end up the bitter person and who would end up the better person.

Irreversible punishments

The person who has his hands cut off becomes a social misfit, unable to work as the law applied does not cater for rehabilitation to re-enter society, whilst the person is a sign; a deterrent – making examples of people without the recourse for possible reversal or correction is both barbaric and unjust.

There are however societies that remain backward and unprogressive, shackled to religious tenets that prevent the people from becoming part of the more emancipated global village.

No doubt public flogging is meant to humiliate, but having exacted grievous bodily harm in keeping with the letter of the law one wonders if there is a social element that help the punished nurse the wounds and regain self-confidence before they are caught in a downward spiral of infection, shame, depression, seclusion and isolation.

Leniency and mercy

There must be an element of mercy in the administration of punishments; not so much the leniency of cutting off one hand instead of both hands or reducing the number of floggings but total exculpation, with the person realising that they have been spared horrors and given another chance.

Unfortunately, some belief systems excel at punishment, manage aspects of leniency, grudgingly attempt mercy, fail woefully at forgiveness and know nothing of absolution. They make no provision for rehabilitation and do not accommodate societal changes that would entertain another perspective, they in fact, do much to make bitter men than better men.

Old teachings in new times

We need to check as see if the teachings we received of old have become out-dated in these civilised and modern times. The consequences of certain punishments may in the eyes of the conservatives look like justice but to observers might appear as mean, unpersuadable, illiberal, intemperate and usually quite immature.

If I got upset every time I was called names and sought to mete out the most severe revenge in the name of some perverse form of justice, I would be considered an impossible person without self-control – contrast that with being able to rise above it all – that is a sign of maturity and in some cases a high self-esteem.

Adherents really need to review their perception of their religious dogma and the laws they so fervently espouse more to visiting violence on others than stepping forward and boldly owning up to their own misdeeds.

In essence, one wonders if religious laws have a civilising effect on society or they just suspend endearing qualities of humanity which include reason, analysis and thought in the selfish need to maintain a strangle-hold on the people and keeping them in the dark from other humane perspectives

As a point to ponder, if there were better prosthetics, would the person whose hands were cut off be allowed to take that therapy?