Mending holes in my home

Now it was the pens

Here I was wanting to write down details as I began to give attention to my test lab, a neglected computer test lab because of the distractions of the year past. There were three pens on my desk, and none were ready to give their ink.

On one of my visits to a bookshop in Cape Town, I bought quirky pens with different writing widths like you would have with pencils and a wooden pencil case. I looked up on the shelf and retrieved the pencil case, there was only one pen left in the pencil case. There should be at least six pens in that pencil case.

What is so irksome is over two months of reclaiming full access to my place by taking the keys off my friend and I am the one at fault for first being a poor judge of character in making acquaintances with people who I thought valued friendship beyond benefits they gained from having access to me and my place, I am still finding vestiges of his carelessness and abuses of my things without remorse.

His mittens ruin all

Each time I have had him housesit on my visits to Cape Town, I have returned to a house that is not my home through the way he has rearranged things, misplaced things, or damaged things without a second thought to fix them. The last time, he bested himself, how I restrained myself from blurting out in apoplexy even when I asked for my keys escapes me.

Soon after, when I thought a phone charging unit or a power extension tower had been damaged, I painstakingly when through assessing each element of the connections, and can you believe it was the USB C cable that was damaged? Let us not get into when he thought the USB cables, because of their colours, could be adornments like neck chains, bullet chains, or belts that he wore about his person.

The number of times he invaded my privacy was innumerable, but I just worked on the assumption, I was not the only occupant of my home. I’ll be in bed and hear scurrying about the apartment, the keenest of my hearing would register the key in the lock as he entered, and the rest was left to my imagination, what he could be up to and that might include a litany of misdeeds and mishaps. I rarely let these bother me.

The translation of a wallet

On the eve of my penultimate visit to Cape Town just after the prostate cancer diagnosis and the one occasion he was able to attend the hospital with me, so he knew the seriousness of the condition, I emptied a brown wallet of things I needed for my travel and placed the wallet on my desk.

A week into my visit, I got a message from my neighbour, they found my wallet on a windowsill in the courtyard behind the apartment block. How it got there, no one could explain, the CCTV recording saw a resident runner pick it up and place it there, it had rained some days prior, and I know I had not been in the courtyard for more than a week before my travel. There was one other logical explanation.

I should have taken back my keys on my return, however, I am wont to forgive than to show resolve. My neighbour was of the good mind of kicking him out of my apartment, it would have served me well.

He just does not care

Even though I wrote a long email to him explaining why I had to take back my keys without accusing him of anything apart from remonstrating the unnecessary rearrangement of my apartment including finding my bathroom scale in the wine rack, his response acknowledged nothing, he just did not and could not care, that is fine.

Fundamentally, he had progressively taken away my enjoyment of my home by the things he had unwittingly done whether in thinking he was cleaning up the place by rearrangement or the simple things damaged that he had grown accustomed to me not saying anything about.

I have my place back to myself, I should just enjoy it despite the fact I still find rat droppings somewhere in the house, not so literally, but signs that my friend, if he still qualifies as one has been there, a tormenting daily reminder of associations I should have long abandoned before they hurt me much.

Kola, before leaving the Golden Jubilee Boulevard

Stretching the material

It wasn’t that long ago that he drove his chariot unto the Golden Jubilee Boulevard and now he is about to leave to join the Diamond Jubilee Card holders club, the processing takes a year, so, we’ll start with filling in the forms along with documenting essential narratives.

I usually say to people there is exactly three weeks between our birthdays, mine is in December and his in January and we are the same age for that duration, though I have the benefit of asking of his experience that probably prepares me for admission into the year class.

It was sometime early in 1984 that I first met Kola, so, we are talking 40 years, for a while I would notice him, I remember vividly one afternoon that he was walking in front of me as we probably were leaving the campus canteen, he seemed to have a penchant for stretch jeans you could not unsee.

Amen or thereabouts

As I scour the recesses of my memory, it is quite likely after I had Christianly spiritual experience that I came into a group of young devotees of which Kola was a fervent and unassuming adherent. It has become an enduring friendship.

How do you write about a friend that sticks closer than a brother, a confidante with whom barely a secret exists, someone who knows you in demeanour, character, and temperament that what he doesn’t know about you, you probably do not know about yourself as well. Yet, his support of you is unstinting, constant, honest, frank, and unflinching.

It is one of love and affection that only an intimate partner might excel, then of a different kind too, that is borne of the tendency to overlook your failings, faults, frailties, and foul-ups. A friend that bat for you regardless of the brickbats, almost as if you can do no wrong, as we have the mutual respect of each other not to abuse the quality of amity and brotherhood we share.

We’re leaning opposites

However, I want to celebrate Kola, forthright in views and we frequently disagree on issues whilst giving each other the opportunity air our viewpoints. He would consider me quite conservative with liberal trimmings, I guess he is the opposite in interesting ways.

This world-travelled wiseman as he can be technologically naïve is nobody’s fool, anyone who misconstrues his silence for acquiescence or weakness would be in for a shock, he will make a stand and doggedly follow through on his principles, taking the hits if necessary and winning the goals eventually.

God bless you

And so, in the year before he leaves for the Golden Jubilee cohort, I and in fact, we, Brian and I wish him the very best of birthday, much joy, love, happiness, and success. That blessings come like a tsunami and overwhelm him in every way. That his dreams become the reality he could never have imagined, tremendously astounding with the kind of amazement and wonder of the miraculous.

A friend of 40 years is to be cherished, lauded, acknowledged, and esteemed. There are not enough words to express thankfulness and gratitude for sharing time, space, resource, conversation, kindness, hearts, minds, and fellowship.

Kola, you are one of a kind, I love you. Happy Birthday!

Related Blogs

Blog - Happy Birthday, Kola (January 2015)

Blog - A birthday greeting to a friend like no other (January 2011)

John Coll: Calling on Herbert Dzinotyiweyi to fulfil his wishes

How we learnt of it

9 years ago, a very dear friend, John Alexander Coll passed on, unfortunately, many of us who knew him did not learn of his passing until almost a month after he had gone. The executor John chose to manage his estate and contacted me late on the 21^st of January 2015 and expected a response from me by the 23^rd of January 2015 for the funeral planned for the 30^th of January 2015.

This presented a difficulty for many who would have liked to attend John’s funeral, we found a circle of friends and eventually were able to have someone in London represent those of us who would have had to travel from afar to honour this amazing man.

The executor of John’s estate

Sadly, 9 years on, John’s estate and issues have not been resolved as he had intended, his executor Herbert Dzinotyiweyi who used to handle the accounts for the company Connection Software that John founded through the years gave everyone the impression that the estate was a very complex and tax intensive issue, it probably was.

Herbert Dzinotyiweyi who for a while lived in the UK also has Zimbabwe roots and seems to have ensconced himself beyond the reach of scrutiny of his fiduciary obligations to the beneficiaries of John’s estate.

It was in early 2019 that I acquired details of John’s will and the probate that had 10 beneficiaries once the core of the estate had been liquidated, yielding almost £800,000 which if it were judiciously divided amongst those to whom John bequeathed a largesse would have been consequential and life-changing for each of them, most located in Zimbabwe where he once had interests and in South Africa.

Our engagement with Herbert Dzinotyiweyi

I was able to gather all the beneficiaries in conference a few times in 2019 into 2020, some of whom at the time that I contacted them were unaware that John Coll had made a generous bequest to their names.

We did Herbert Dzinotyiweyi to attend some of those conferences from the safety of Zimbabwe, at which no determination was gained or made until he removed himself from the conference groups as if he had no further obligations as executor. Suspicions arose that a professional forensic analysis of the moneys accrued from the estate after probate determined that money had gone, it had not gone to any of John Coll’s intended beneficiaries.

Just account for the estate

Whilst I do not intend to impugn Herbert Dzinotyiweyi’s name, some questions need answering; an explanation as to why John’s estate that made probate in June 2015 has still not been afforded the wishes of the testator, and there is a possible dereliction of responsibility as executor that might border on criminal enterprise, but this is not to accuse anyone.

A dead man cannot fight for his good intentions and wishes, which is why they trust someone or people to administer their estate when they are gone. The fact that John’s registered will was made and witnessed just 5 days before he passed on might have limited the scope of persons to elect as executors of his will. He cannot have thought that the person he selected would not expeditiously manage his estate and adhere fully to his generous desires, 9 years on.

Pattern or sheer coincidence?

I know this is not what John intended and I can only hope that action and justice for what John Coll desired is finalised by the time of the 10^th anniversary of his passing and Herbert Dzinotyiweyi willingly accounts for his superintending of John Alexander Coll’s estate as executor.

The friends of John Coll who remember him fondly as an extraordinary person of consequence in innumerable ways will continue to agitate for the full realisation of his wishes. The matter is not closed by any stretch of the imagination. May John Coll continue to rest in peace.

NB: I am not a beneficiary of John’s will, I am a friend of John’s, we met in mid-1994. Obviously, I will review and edit this blog once all of John’s wishes are fulfilled as he intended.

Meanwhile, a quick search for Herbert Dzinotyiweyi would suggest he has run into some trouble. One cannot speculate on pattern or behaviour, but it is an interesting development to discover today. [ZimNow: Harare man in court over residential stand scam]

Blog - John Coll: Friend, Mentor, Gentleman (January 2015)

Taking friendliness to heart

In patient endurance

In a telephone conversation that I could not wait to end that there was an urging in me to ask what the particular purpose of the call was, I held on still to allow it to come to its natural end.

It was not a conversation, I was on the listening end of everything and the work inside me was one where I rationalised to myself that it was a test of my resolve, I had to recalibrate my ability to engage my friend even when my eyes begin to glaze over and my neck stiffens in obduracy to avoid being swallowed in the mental chasm of his chaotic and yet charmed existence.

Then again, I was somewhat vindicated when he said that chatbots could not understand him, this is not just because of his accent which is quite distinct, much as I hate to use the word torrent, his speech is like a waterfall of words without attempted enunciation, you strain with much difficulty to understand him, you begin to tune out.

A burden of care

Beyond that, I had begun to associate this ‘speech impediment’ and it has to be that if we are speaking the same language and yet we cannot understand each other, with mental exhaustion. It is energy sapping with all the wringing of anything you can wring if caught in the web of this engagement.

Yet, my love for him is undiminished, as a friend and I will support him, where I can calm him down enough to have a conversation, and understand where he needs my support, he can count on me.

With all the tendency I could have to assess, I have come to another appreciation of what I need to do in terms of endurance and patience, there is much work to be done in being more longsuffering, for I have been forgiven much more than I have dared to forgive others.

My love of Whisky

The warmth I knew

As winter days and nights go, the joys of central heating could be such fun to keep warm. Like my apartment in Amsterdam where the insulation and heating was such that one could traipse around the rooms naked without a care in the world.

This was fun until the very last few months when the clatter of my teeth was the makings of an industrial machine, the warmth had left with impending departure.

One desperately tries to keep as warm as possible in England; thermal underwear, scarfs, leg-length socks, sturdy shoes with all-weather grip soles and leather gloves.

My love of Whisky

This time, I have a companion, his name is Whisky, he stays close, offers amazing warmth, lying on my chest, or grabbing my sides in such intimate embrace that no winter night goes without the love.

Flamboyant in dress, receptive in gifts, many a pain he has soothed almost better than a masseuse, deft and dainty, professional and knowing how to knead those achy parts.

He head is screwed on, yet his dexterity feeds my imagination with utility I cannot demand of any other friend. He can’t be shaken and he melts the ice, such is his warmth that is quite hotter than Adonis at the first touch.

I love you Whisky, never leave my side.

Decade Blogs - Kola Akinola - My Friend

Decade Blogs

I have many friends, but Kola Akinola is one friend who in 2014 I would have known for 30 years. That is a generation coming on to a lifetime. The title I have chosen is as much him writing about me as it is my writing about him.

Whilst I guess I still have some secrets; sorry Kola, he probably knows the most about me, said and unsaid, he can read my blog like he is reading my mind, and he knows where all the bodies are.

A well-travelled man, self-effacing and utterly modest, he has proven himself a friend like no other, I cannot think of the number of things I have persuaded him to do or think, that he has done without quibble, ready to listen, ready to help, patient and longsuffering, he humbles me with his contentment and easy, yet wise approach to things.

Through thick and thin, his loyalty has been sure, his has stuck to me closer than a brother, probably been riled for giving me more leeway than I ever deserve, for which I am eternally grateful.

As uncanny as this my #YourBlogOnMyBlog Series is, it was a blog that I wrote for him that brought me into friendship with the lady that wrote the blog about taking the leap.

Blog - Birthday greeting to a friend like no other

Blog - Decade Blogs - Monike Charles-Binitie - Taking the leap

Everyone must have a friend, a friend like Kola; grounded, honest, loyal, fighting your corner, loving you despite your flaws and being there when there seems to be nothing left of you, except that you just exist. Kola has been a lot more than that to me and I am so honoured that he allowed himself to be persuaded once again, this time to write to commemorate my Decade of Blogging.

Blog - To Celebrate My Decade of Blogging

Thank you Kola, for being my very best friend, thank you.

Akin

I have known Akin for over 25 years. We first met in college in Nigeria where we became good friends. I subsequently after college came to the UK and Akin followed a couple of years later.

What can I say about Akin? He is a great friend. He is also generous to a fault. My brother and his wife, my sister and her whole family have stayed in his house, and I on numerous occasions have been beneficiaries of his magnanimity. He has a big heart, always seeing the positives in people. However, that does not mean he is a floor mat as those that have crossed swords with him will know. He is no respecter of persons or positions, and he does not do eye service.

Akin has faced a number of challenges in his life amid his many achievements, some of which he has written about through his blog. However, he has never blamed anyone for those challenging periods and always remained of a positive and optimistic disposition.

Akin is a master of the written word. I have not met anyone else who has a great ability to convey thoughts and opinions into a few paragraphs. I can’t keep away from his blogs and am just amazed at his ability to see things from a perspective that always brings a freshness to any topic or issue he is writing about.

Well done my dear good friend on 10 years of blogging. You have been a blessing to me and dare I say, countless others through your writings and I am privileged of having you as a friend.

Decade Blogs - Waffarian - Just Another Day

Decade Blogs

I was in a hospital, very ill and in too much pain, I was already off morphine because I could not keep my food down, but from my netbook connected through my mobile phone blogged as much as I could about my condition, my thoughts and other issues.

She was reading my blogs in another country, and that is how she became my friend, first through conversations on the phone as I resisted getting familiar through when she visited me in recovery and then I was able to visit her much later the next year.

Blog - Thought Picnic: My Virtual Friends Are NOT Insignificant

Blog - To Celebrate My Decade of Blogging

Whimsical, funny and humorous, with nothing taken out, she writes for my decade of blogging about a typical day in the life of, just like you and I.

You can read her blogs here.

Please read on.

A decade of blogging. I thought about writing a cute little story for you Akin. But my own blog has been a space where I have been able to write my nonsense, as you know. It would be dishonest of me to all of a sudden whip out a cute post for you so I am going to also leave piece of my madness in your space. Ha ha!

Here’s the kind of stuff I write on my blog. For many, it makes no sense. For me, it relieves me of the many thoughts that spin around in my head. Enjoy (and do not take out the profanity, I have taken over your space, so swallow it):

Today started out…as usual. I woke up in the usual silence that my apartment offers. The books scattered on the floor made me wince. I knew a hefty sum would be waiting for me at the library. I wondered if they would agree to me opening some sort of credit account over there. It’s a shame, really. It’s a handicap. To keep borrowing books and never return them while people wait in line…terrible.

I dragged myself off my bed and made some coffee. Who lives like this? I kicked some more books and found my slippers under the bed. I peeped through the curtains. Shit. Snow.

The many promises I made to myself are somewhere in this room. In the dustbin, under the bed, under the books.

I laid out my clothes on the bed for the day.  A childhood habit that crops up from time to time.  I wish my other habits from my childhood would appear. Where did all that discipline and character disappear to?

I put on my clothes and looked around once more. Keys. Where are the keys?

The walk to the train station was boring. As usual. One leg after another. I scowled at a couple holding hands and trying to maneuver their way around some slippery spots. Jesus! Let go of your hands for some seconds. Endangering the lives of others on the sidewalk with their hand holding business.

I walked into the café by the metro. I bought a cup of coffee like I usually do for my underground journey.

I sat down heavily on a vacant sit. The man opposite me starred into the distance, his eyes also vacant.

A new day had begun.

A birthday greeting to a friend like no other

A friend that is the friend

One afternoon 26 years ago, I saw him and wondered, who is this amazingly attractive guy, I somehow knew he would be a friend and he did become a friend.

Things and circumstances brought us together, interest, concern, desires and more but that bond of friendship survived the many things that had been thrown at it and we still remain best of friends.

We have shared much and dared much too, but I have had no one give so much of himself in times where I was completely exhausted, without succour or strength.

Stood by me and kept my head up when my entire world was shattered around me. Yet, I have not been able to thank him enough for his love, his compassion, his empathy, his friendship, his help, and his advocacy on my behalf in the most trying of situations.

This is a stand-by-me friend, you can want for no other, whose loyalty is unquestionable, whose trust leaves you wanting.

It is an honour and a blessing to have him as a dear friend, a confidant, just as David loved Jonathan, I aspire to be able to show that quality and excellence of friendship that he has shown me.

As dawn breaks today, it is a day of celebration, I want to wish him the very best, that he be fulfilled well beyond his deepest desires, that his dreams and aspirations might come within his grasp without hard labour, that he prospers in all that he lays his hands upon to do.

You know who you are, I love you so much and I want to wish you a most wonderful, beautiful, joyful, healthful, fruitful and graceful happy birthday.

You are a friend like no other, thank you for being my really true friend.

Happy birthday!

I'm told it snowed in Stockholm

Tundra-times loom

This should have been done in the summer, Scandinavia is not for Sub-Saharan Africans at this time of the year nor is it for the faint-hearted or the warm-blooded.

However, gratitude and appreciation cannot be delayed for the discomforts of the weather, I heard this morning that it had snowed overnight in Stockholm so I should be prepared.

Happily, I packed my shorts and T-shirts, my sandals and sunglasses back into my wardrobe and prepared for the trek to the North Pole with huskies to my sleigh.

Alright, 3 years ago, at just about the same time, I was in Stockholm but on business for just one night staying in a hotel that was so out of town, it was another country or I mean, it was literally in the country.

Plans that work over those that fail

Itching to get out of town this weekend, plans were well ahead of other office plans which somehow have a regularity of failure that nothing was so certain – so rather than cancel, I just waited for the reality of farce to materialise and once that happened I booked my flight, my hotel already secured from days before.

Nothing too formal on this trip, a change of Ascots and the mandatory bowler hat for weather so treacherous, maybe I am a woos, people live there comfortably not accounting for the extreme notion that the sun sets at 10 in the morning having risen 30 minutes before.

My good friend who provided great succour to me when I was in hospital just over a year ago and visited me in the milder winter of the Netherlands in December is my hostess.

We’ll be snapping away at Swedish heritage before I return on Sunday. Ah yes! I am prepared for the situation where I might wear a pair of leather gloves over an underlying pair – I don’t do cold that well.

Social Engineering Skype Trusted Contact Inquiry

Even if it was, I don’t care

Yesterday night, I was almost a victim of social engineering based on trusted connections with a contact on Skype.

The question came, “is this you on picc??..” Then a URL constructed to have Facebook in the address.

I should have been suspicious of this because my friend from whom this apparently came does his punctuation and rarely uses strange words, but my basic feeling of trust overrode the logic to my thinking.

I clicked on the link and rather than it going to a page it downloaded a file with the .exe extension, which really got me suspicious – How could he have asked if I was on a picc or picture and then send an executable file rather than a picture or a webpage?

Persuasion of the friendly kind

The genius of social engineering here is that I was first persuaded by reason of the fact that this message came from a trusted contact asking a question that would rouse ones curiosity regardless of if you were on Facebook or not.

He had apparently received this code through his Yahoo email from a trusted contact and inadvertently ran the code but not realised that he had infected his system despite the warning he received from his Antivirus utility. It is possible that the utility might just have said opening a file of that type is unsafe rather than that it was malicious.

The clean-up

We all have the tendency to override such warnings and almost always have to pay dearly for it. His Antivirus utility did not detect the problem after a full scan, however, I also asked him to download Destroy which is a free utility that inoculates web browsers and searches for malware.

The utility detected Bredolab.fb which is a kind of credential logger, it was removed and we can safely assume the system is clean. However, I happen to be one of two people whose Skype profile was online on my friend’s system who received this stuff and like me, we reacted before we questioned the real provenance.

The significance of the second link is that, when I did not fall for the redirect URL on the first inquiry it used the TinyURL link shrinker to give the same reference but deceptively named like a picture (JPG) on Facebook, but I was not taking that bait twice.

The graphic of the situation appears below.