Desert Island Discs: Beyond losing everything

Beyond What You’ve Heard

My journey through the past episodes of Desert Island Discs on BBC Radio 4 continues, and I am just into December 2013. I once took notes on the music and choices made by people who have left footprints in the sands of time. Even some guests who appeared up to two decades ago are now centenarians; I guess I just keep looking up the people and their stories.

“Now whenever I finish something I take some photographs and say 'goodbye'. When you lose everything, you realise that the only thing you have is what's in your head.” Barbara Hulanicki

She is known for being the co-founder of the London fashion store Biba in the 1960s. A bit of trivia: Anna Wintour became an employee of Biba at the age of 15. However, the latter part of the quote resonated with me.

Amazing Spirit Power

When I lost everything, I had more than just what was in my head in terms of knowledge and experience; I had memories, but most of all, I had hope.

Hope, however, may not be sustainable when it is just in the head, a part of your mind and emotions. I believe, as a matter of faith, that I am sustained by my spirit, and that hope is enlivened by the spirit, giving life to the things you imagine.

The spirit of a man sustains him in sickness, but as for a broken spirit, who can bear it? [Bible Hub: Proverbs 18:14 (Amplified)]

I have encountered much adversity, illness, and misfortune that ordinarily I could never have endured, let alone survived. My spirit, however, like a dynamo, keeps going, giving strength to my soul and body.

That is the story I get to tell. Losing everything is not the end of living; rather, from the inner reaches of your spirit, you find the seeds of new growth: the hope and imagination that create the experience of a new life, purpose, and reasons to be thankful and full of gratitude for the gift of life and the people you get to share it with.

Thought Picnic: Whilst in the midst of life unkindly, I look up still

Keeping it to ourselves

Typically, we are advised not to talk much about going through issues, trials, and tribulations whilst within the mix of the experience as they make for better stories when told after the fact. In the secrecy of what we hold somewhat sacred to avoid shame, embarrassment, ridicule, or pity, we soldier on in life batting away in the hope that we make an innings of significance.

Yet, the life of man is made up of events too many to number, even as we highlight the exciting ones more and the depths receive nothing but silent contemplation where even ignorance or unfamiliarity limits understanding of how to get help or assistance through the hardest of times.

Live life for the better

At one point, I was even counselled to present my situation as more pathetic, the thought made me feel like a fraud, bad things happen to people regardless of where they are in life, in the depths of misfortune there is hope and blessing to consider, for as one has life, there is much more possible beyond the present circumstances.

Indeed, I find myself at crossroads, buffeted from every angle and needing to make some consequential decisions as there is what I would want to happen, what I want to achieve, where my heart wants to be, and options laid before me that challenge many frames of reference. Yet, none is that new to me, just that the apparent solutions seem less easy to access than they seemed to be before.

Make a story of you

This morning, I encountered three sets of new stories, an entertainer I knew from over 30 years ago, who as drag queen Lily Savage, performed at the Royal Vauxhall Tavern before they made a successful career on television and radio passed on [Paul O’Grady], the legal position that might suddenly render me homeless was deemed valid, and a titan in Pentecostal circles, who founded the Hillsong Church and has met with increasing misfortune was landed with a drink-driving charge [Brian Houston].

Whilst it gives many opportunities to reflect, the cycles of life are interesting; where there is an end, others are left to mourn and celebrate your legacy, however, whilst you live, you face the journey ahead of you, in Manchester, in a possible California, or in a likely Cape Town, there is a story itching to be told and I guess I am the man for all his experiences to tell another interesting story again.

For all that I have suffered with the bad experiences, it does not make me any less grateful for the wonderful blessings that have given me much to celebrate and that is what I would do, count my blessings as I step up and out to new experiences.

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Walking through adversity is life indeed

Suffering to smile

Eight years ago today, I handed over the keys to my home of 10 and a half years to a young couple who in the tailwind of the global financial crisis bought it for 75% of the what I paid for the place. It was my castle until cancer came and took away the means of my sustaining that life and lifestyle. It was a dip or maybe a depression in an otherwise successful life, but that was not my first encounter with adversity.

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As I left, I was given a whole house to stay in for two months, rent-free, then a young Indian family took me into their abode for another month and a half before they helped me back to the UK. I was living a part of Psalm 23 that was not comfortable but still life-affirming. I was walking through the valley of the shadow of death, the way from one area of green pastures beside the still waters to another known to the shepherd.

I do not fear adversity

There were days I did cry at what was happening to me, but I did not despair, like the Prodigal son, I decided the Netherlands had no more to offer me and found it best to return to the UK. Within 6 days of my return, I had an exciting new job, having been out of work for 20 months.

I was like a prophet in the wilderness, yet, ravens came with sustenance and angels in the form of men heaped into my bosom. Amid nothing, I lacked for nothing, the Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

When I read my story repeatedly, I have had plenty and had little, it is life as a story that is in no way ordinary. I am not afraid of adversity for it is the road to prosperity when the sheep have exhausted the plenty they need to be herded to new pastures. There is no guarantee that getting there would be devoid of dangers, in fact, it is fraught with the unseen and the unknown, only courage, confidence, and determination can get you there.

Steady into eddies

I reviewed the past two years and found that my turnover in the last year was 51% less than the previous year. I had the security of a contract, but no assignments I could bill. I listened to the sweet tongue of managers who promised much and delivered little. My business suffered and, in the end, because they had nothing to offer, we parted ways.

Just as things were looking up, I fell ill and it took almost a month to regain my strength. Then the Coronavirus pandemic took hold, people were losing their jobs, getting furloughed and living in despair. These were the worst conditions in which to look for work and even if you did get any, you could not be expecting good rates either. That is how things looked on the face of it.

Suddenly, green pastures appear

I was walking through another valley of the shadow of death, keeping my nerve not to fear any evil and continuing in the assurance that the Lord my shepherd is always with me, comforting me that this also shall pass because we need to pass through the wilderness, valleys and dangerous places to get to green pastures and still waters anew.

Yet, dire as things seemed, pressures coming from all sides, bills mounting like mountains with sheer cliff faces you can never attempt to scale. I get a call, and without interviews, just a discussion and they liking my CV, I’m in a new job retaining quite close to the rate I had before.

Nothing I could have planned or negotiated, it was a table prepared before me in front of the enemies of my soul weighing anxiety and adversity heavily on me, still, I triumph with my cup of joy, victory, and prosperity running over. I am conditioned to expect plenty in the time of famine. The circumstances around me do not determine the outcomes I intend to enjoy.

I am a story to be told of life, that we must traverse many things, but never lose hope; we will encounter adversity, but that is not the end; we would come through it all by means that we would never be able to explain apart from knowing that we are destined to have goodness and mercy follow us all the days of our lives.

Psalm 23 (KJV) [Bible Gateway]

Thought Picnic: Avoiding creepy headlines of misfortune

Creepy headlines

I cannot help but notice a kind of headline that appears after news stories culled from the web as related material, interesting topics, or as a result of dastardly algorithms.

The one that got me writing this blog along with others similar in nature was:

Where [Famous footballer] Lives At [Age] Will Make You Especially Sad.

Add to that others like:

What [Celebrity] looks like today will amaze you.

Remember [Celebrity Picture]? Take A Deep Breath Before You See What They Look Like Now.

What [Celebrity] is worth today shocked his family.

[Celebrity] who starred in [Film, Drama, SitCom], now works an everyday job.

Now, none of these headlines or the stories behind them interest me, but the topics cannot be ignored because someone is making money on the backs of the possible misfortunes of others. I say this because these links are almost always sponsored by third-party outfits unconnected to the original news site.

Purveyors of misfortune

For one reason or the other, this type of news sells, it almost reads like a kind of inverted snootiness where the reader is invited to revel in the misfortune of another in some sort of disconnected Schadenfreude, a glee that derives from comparing one's lack of luck to the failing luck of another to give you a good feeling in your bad place.

I cannot fully appreciate why this kind of unnecessarily vile gossip masquerading as news and offered as kind of moral tale of the ephemeral nature of wealth, health and fame is one that attracts so much attention, for there is no particularly good intention for publishing this stuff apart from its easy appeal to the innate busybody complex we all possess to varying degrees, yet, exercise some restraint to refusing to allow this tendency to define us.

Celebrate better things

Naturally, I am all for celebrating the rise and success of good people and much as some might fall on hard times, I take no pleasure in poking fun at them. In the cases where the situation or circumstance was completely out of their control, I would hope to commiserate and where I can help, I will.

We also have a tendency to stupidity and foolishness, we find ourselves doing incomprehensibly absurd, reprehensible, criminal, or idiotic stuff. In those things the greater battle is in getting to the point of accepting our prime responsibility for the situation and then moving on to forgiving ourselves, whilst opening the scope for recovery, recuperation and restoration.

There is enough suffering in the world for each episode of the life of an individual, my hope is that we all find more pleasure in celebrating the successes, the triumphs, the victories, the recoveries and the wonderful stories of those near and far, whilst resisting the urge to click of those sponsored links to misfortune, as it diminishes us as much as the subject has been diminished too.