Thought Picnic: Contemplating in silence

In the grip of meditation

Silence is a world of intrigue where emotion can find refuge and pain is only registered where no one else can see or feel it. The mind churns with thoughts tumbling in chaotic turbulence as the conflict of reason and bafflement wages war within.

You have questions for which the answers seem to be at the lips but the form of words that makes utterance intelligible fails to find expression. Sometimes, you launch into glossolalia in a fervent cry from the core of your reins as you take your sheer humanity to the place of succouring divinity.

You begin to write a Psalm of your own situation like David did, so many times; this is where I am, but I know that even though it seems bleak and hopeless, goodness and mercy follow me, all the days of my life. That is the story I will tell as my mouth gets filled with testimonies of wonder, even my countenance exhibits the glow of brilliance that greets the dawning of a new day.

Psalm 23 comes alive with new insight

A Psalm in troubled times

Psalm 23 was the recitation of refuge that I woke to say every night probably hundreds of times in my first term of boarding school, haunted by things only I could see and sounds only I could hear. Such was the menace of my disturbance that the first half of my second term was spent as a day student living with my aunt.

Psalm 23 however is like a rare diamond, which when put up to light has a colour too mesmerising for words, a cut by the craftmanship of divine providence, a clarity in message that is individualised in revelation to those who meditate on it and a carat weight of priceless value.

I say this because just under 5 months ago, I received a revelation that came at a time that I needed to understand how the Lord is my shepherd. With it came a calmness in my soul and an assurance that things would turn out right. Soon, I got a new job in the midst of a pandemic and the way it came about was just too amazing to describe.

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New treasures in old mines

As I was engaged in a conversation this evening, I was persuaded to share my new understanding as a word of comfort. We were communicating by text on WhatsApp as I began to write what I thought I was going to share.

What transpired just blew my mind for as I was writing, some new insight came to me that I had never seen before, unveiling to the eyes of my understanding that it was as if I was now sermonising to both myself and the person I was chatting.

A Psalm of David. [KJV]

1.    The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

2.    He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

3.    He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

4.    Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

5.    Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

6.    Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

Doing waters and feeling pastures

There are a number of themes running through these 6 verses, repeated over and over again, whilst each successive verse reinforces the relationship between the shepherd and the sheep. I have before indicated that if the Lord is my shepherd, by inference, I would be His sheep and that is why we end up at the green pastures where the sheep can feed and the still waters where the sheep can peacefully drink.

I also find that there is the thread of what the shepherd does as a shepherd and for the sheep and what that does for the sheep and how the sheep feel. There is an anthropomorphic quality to these relationships, but please forgive my amateurish attempt at expounding this text.

Finding the recurring themes

Taking each verse, I address the themes.

1.    The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.

Here, what he does is shepherd and by reason of that, I want for nothing.

2.    He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.

Here, he does lead the sheep beside the still waters, a place of peace and refreshing, as the sheep lays in the verdant pastures they feed to their satisfaction unperturbed.

In King James’ English, the -eth suffix denotes a present continuous tense. So, read maketh and continues to make and leadeth as continues to lead. The job of a shepherd when the sheep are about is never left undone at any time.

3.    He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.

As he leads the sheep in the right and sure path continuously, for that is what the shepherd does by profession, by duty, and by name. There, you see a form of still waters.

Where he continues to restore the soul bringing comfort, peace and assurance reads like a form of green pastures. An abundance of mental restoration means we are never left exhausted by any situation.

4.    Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

The still waters might get turbulent or the green pastures might be exhausted after a time of grazing. This would mean the shepherd has to herd the sheep to new green pastures and still waters.

The sheep are always led by the shepherd and the shepherd knows the many green pastures and still waters all around the wilderness to lead the sheep to, to ensure never want for provision of comfort.

Getting to the next green pastures and still waters might include traversing the valley of the shadow of death where dangers lurk from the sheep straying and brought back into the flock with the rod or where predators are warded off with the staff.

The shepherd, ever vigilant is with the sheep and the sheep should fear no danger or accident as the shepherd is there. In our lives, we also traverse difficulty, adversity, trials, tribulations and negative circumstances. The Lord with us will lead us out of it to new triumphs in life.

5.    Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Here we are, having gone through the valley of the shadow of death with the sheep, the new green pastures are a table set before us where our enemies can see but never assail us. The new still waters are the anointing of the head, succouring and empowerment with capacity. We can only thrive for we are in a place of joy.

We have become warriors, celebrating victories over situations, circumstances and issues in life.

6.    Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.

Yet, the table is just a place of transition for there is another possible valley of the shadow of death that the shepherd has to herd the sheep to, where the still waters are now goodness and mercy in all the days of our lives and the green pastures of the final destination is dwelling in the house of the Lord forever.

At this point, we are no more mere sheep, but people, living and enjoying the blessings of the Lord. Goodness being everything right, good and desirous for wellbeing, health, and a sense of contentment in not wanting for anything. Mercy in that there is no guilt or condemnation, we have been continuously led in the paths of righteousness from verse 3.

Walking through adversity is life indeed

Suffering to smile

Eight years ago today, I handed over the keys to my home of 10 and a half years to a young couple who in the tailwind of the global financial crisis bought it for 75% of the what I paid for the place. It was my castle until cancer came and took away the means of my sustaining that life and lifestyle. It was a dip or maybe a depression in an otherwise successful life, but that was not my first encounter with adversity.

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As I left, I was given a whole house to stay in for two months, rent-free, then a young Indian family took me into their abode for another month and a half before they helped me back to the UK. I was living a part of Psalm 23 that was not comfortable but still life-affirming. I was walking through the valley of the shadow of death, the way from one area of green pastures beside the still waters to another known to the shepherd.

I do not fear adversity

There were days I did cry at what was happening to me, but I did not despair, like the Prodigal son, I decided the Netherlands had no more to offer me and found it best to return to the UK. Within 6 days of my return, I had an exciting new job, having been out of work for 20 months.

I was like a prophet in the wilderness, yet, ravens came with sustenance and angels in the form of men heaped into my bosom. Amid nothing, I lacked for nothing, the Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want.

When I read my story repeatedly, I have had plenty and had little, it is life as a story that is in no way ordinary. I am not afraid of adversity for it is the road to prosperity when the sheep have exhausted the plenty they need to be herded to new pastures. There is no guarantee that getting there would be devoid of dangers, in fact, it is fraught with the unseen and the unknown, only courage, confidence, and determination can get you there.

Steady into eddies

I reviewed the past two years and found that my turnover in the last year was 51% less than the previous year. I had the security of a contract, but no assignments I could bill. I listened to the sweet tongue of managers who promised much and delivered little. My business suffered and, in the end, because they had nothing to offer, we parted ways.

Just as things were looking up, I fell ill and it took almost a month to regain my strength. Then the Coronavirus pandemic took hold, people were losing their jobs, getting furloughed and living in despair. These were the worst conditions in which to look for work and even if you did get any, you could not be expecting good rates either. That is how things looked on the face of it.

Suddenly, green pastures appear

I was walking through another valley of the shadow of death, keeping my nerve not to fear any evil and continuing in the assurance that the Lord my shepherd is always with me, comforting me that this also shall pass because we need to pass through the wilderness, valleys and dangerous places to get to green pastures and still waters anew.

Yet, dire as things seemed, pressures coming from all sides, bills mounting like mountains with sheer cliff faces you can never attempt to scale. I get a call, and without interviews, just a discussion and they liking my CV, I’m in a new job retaining quite close to the rate I had before.

Nothing I could have planned or negotiated, it was a table prepared before me in front of the enemies of my soul weighing anxiety and adversity heavily on me, still, I triumph with my cup of joy, victory, and prosperity running over. I am conditioned to expect plenty in the time of famine. The circumstances around me do not determine the outcomes I intend to enjoy.

I am a story to be told of life, that we must traverse many things, but never lose hope; we will encounter adversity, but that is not the end; we would come through it all by means that we would never be able to explain apart from knowing that we are destined to have goodness and mercy follow us all the days of our lives.

Psalm 23 (KJV) [Bible Gateway]

Thought Picnic: My very own Psalms

Channelling David

I sometimes feel like the Psalmist when he wrote the psalms of despair and desperation. I wonder to myself, can I take any more of this?

How long? Many psalms ask, how long shall all this go on for before I expire under the weight of being overwhelmed or rise like a phoenix from the ashes of all that I ever knew that has been consumed in the flames of adversity?

Yes, that dreadful thought has crossed my mind, never dwelt on it, but driven by at just the right speed to see what it is all about – we can put a stop to all of this at once [one more pill; maybe a couple more, the slip from a high place; maybe a higher place, a long drink; maybe down a few more - if I had a bath tub I could even have more ideas] and history can begin to pen itself on the pages of the tales of someone else.

We can drift into memory captured in the capsules of time as references that once put footsteps in the sands of time – easy, easing with ease – and it is all done.

A day comes beyond all this

But we are not ones to let that take root, not if we can help it. The storms gather, the winds billow and the clouds darken but the weather is never an interminable event.

The storms will run out of fury, the winds will run out of puff and the clouds will give up the moisture that makes them dark, they will even clear out of the way for the sun to shine through in the day and the moon to light up the dark amongst the trees.

Take heart, there is a psalm that promises goodness, mercy and victory and it would not be long before melancholy is the melody of joy and happiness.