Monday 13 January 2014

Thought Picnic: The Love I Lost

My relationships
At my last therapy session we continued on the topic of relationships, something I thought we should discuss beyond the many other sessions we had covered in the previous four meetings.
I would cover the other issues we talked about in another blog, but in this case, we had gone over a list of long term lovers, the beauty of each relationship, the uniqueness each lover brought into my life and the things I still cherish of each of them.
Three significant relationships, I have had, the beginning and end of each left different scars. Many scars I brandish with the honour and good fortune of having been allowed to be part of their lives and yet feeling loved for their willingness to share mine with the seriousness and levity that I bring to the pursuit of happiness.
Free to be with me
One can live in regret of what might or might not have been or recognise that some relationships run their course, some long before we are ready to pack it up and others just have outlived their usefulness.
Most critical to me in every relationship has been the need that my partner not feel imprisoned in our partnership, I cherish willingness and freedom. I am comfortable with the times we spent together and the space needed to spend apart. That is my disposition.
I have remained close friends with one, another I cannot only grieve for what might have been but now is a memory and the third simply vanished, such is life.
Saw and liked
Recently, I have been exploring the possibility of a new relationship and one caught my eye. That is it, attraction is the first thing, then exploration into possibility.
This person appeared to tick all my boxes but I was disadvantaged in that we could not meet as frequent enough to consolidate what started off as a spark of interest about to ignite the kindling of love.
I retained some hope that something might happen but before that opportunity came, my love interest that I had left without the essentially nurturing the interest to keep it going and growing strong has found a new love interest and what was I supposed to do?
The pursuit of happiness remains
I read of it on Facebook, I was slightly saddened that for the second time now, as happened to the one I grieve, I failed in my pursuit of happiness with all the vigour and ability I could muster, in the process I lost out to the fact that others do have to get on with their lives in the pursuit of their own happiness.
The love I lost was a sweet love, yet, I wish them the very best and the quest for love continues.

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