Thursday, 18 January 2007

I walked away

Gratitude

First of all, I want to thank everyone who placed a comment in my blog regarding My Sex Post, I appreciate that it is a difficult subject to broach and a harder issue to comprehend, but man is so capable of immeasurable good as much as unspeakable evil.

The sexual abuse of children lies in the deepest recesses of our communities, so dark that any incidental light on the matter has people either closing ranks or running amok in search of mob justice, all which is understandable.

I remember there is a verse in the Scriptures where it indicates that revealing these deeds allows them to be reproved but these deeds are almost too shameful to be countenanced - Ephesians 5:11-13 (King James Version).

However, I will not delve into that, rather, it is about how to edify and encourage those who still bear the scars of abuse and emasculation that concerns me.

Gathering oneself

There is no doubt that a great injustice has been done, but how does one gather the pieces of ones life as we grow from childhood into adulthood casting away the nightmares that cling to our memories making us prisoners of failure in companionships and relationships?

I have no answers, but these are the things I continually work with to keep my mind from dwelling on issues that could sap my self-assurance and self-esteem.

A sexual violation attacks your person and personality, any damage needs to be fixed, I affirm to myself the fact that no one can ever live their lives the way I have lived mine, in that, I am unique. Any regrets I have are lessons to use to understand how to live today and catch the future and I would only be defined by principles, issues and events that I choose to identify with in goodness, happiness, ability, courage and determination.

Walking away

I walk away, yes; I walk away from it all and refuse to drag it along with me. Just over 2 years ago three Moroccans attacked me, kicked me to the ground and I was beaten up in a drug and drink fuelled frenzy.

When they finished, I got up, dusted away what I could, first lamented the event, then said, many do not get up from such an event, it lasted just 5 minutes, it had to become insignificant in my life despite the fact that I could have been beaten to death.

After treatment in hospital, the next day, I returned to the scene to expunge the demons of that event so that I could talk about it without being affected negatively by it.

I have noticed that many negative events that have happened in my life have either consciously or unconsciously received that treatment, give it a perspective, narrow its influence and walk away and that is also how I have dealt with the sexual abuse I suffered as a child.

God wills

One cannot deny that these things happened, but one can decide with all the help one can get, spiritual, psychological or within friends and family to ensure that these events do not become milestones, goal posts or walls.

That is what I have done to help me move on, I pray that you all find succour, comfort, strength and courage to regain your self-assured self-esteem and to realise the best of what you can ever be to yourself, to your companion and to your community.

We deserve it and will attain it, because God wills.

Peace, love, joy, happiness and Godspeed.

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