I've Never Liked Liquorice

A Restless Anticipation

I had a good enough night's rest, setting my wake-up alarm for 7:00 AM in anticipation of my oesophagogastroduodenoscopy procedure. In the end, the main thing that weighed on my mind was whether this apparently simple but unpleasant procedure could lead to complications.

I did not prepare myself for adverse outcomes, instead steeling myself with the inclination that everything would turn out right. I had already expiated my deepest concerns in the blog "Tubing Down the Gullet", which I wrote yesterday.

Setting Off to Hospital

After chatting to Brian, whose words of comfort and support meant a lot to me, I called an Uber to take me to the hospital, and sent a message to my neighbour about what was going on.

Arriving at the endoscopy unit, I was registered by the desk clerk at the reception. I had hardly settled into a comfortable seat before the coordinator of the unit invited me in for a preprocedural assessment, checking my details, gaining my consent, and explaining what the procedure would entail.

Briefed Before the Bed

It would last 7 minutes. You could add "long" or "short" as a qualifier of time; the personnel opted for "short", which was to minimise the conceptual understanding the patient might have of enduring such a long and uncomfortable intrusive activity.

The most important piece of advice was to keep breathing: in through the nose and out through the mouth. I ended up breathing entirely through my mouth, as my nose was slightly blocked when we started.

After that engagement, I was led to another waiting room to wait for the consultant who would conduct the endoscopy.

Meeting the Consultant

The consultant arrived: pleasant, amiable, and professional, doing his best to keep me at ease. After introductions, we walked to the examination room, well-lit and neat, with nurses giving off a warm aura of encouraging mien that could disarm every sense of anxiety.

She took my bag, cane, coat and hat, and had me sit on the bed. I was asked for the third time if I had any allergies. I always respond with "jealousy", something I learnt from the song "Footsteps Following Me" by Frances Nero, which contains the line, "I am allergic to jealousy". It is quite an icebreaker, I think. [Footsteps Following Me (Lyrics) / (YouTube)]

As I was not going to be sedated, I had this foul-tasting numbing spray squirted down my throat and larynx before I lay down on my left side on the bed. A mouth guard was inserted to stop me from biting on the camera tubing.

The Endoscope Goes Down

The endoscope, which I had seen earlier, looked like a generously thick length of liquorice, just a little over 1 cm in diameter from my estimation. It was introduced into my mouth and wound its way into my throat, where I had to swallow to give it access, and then I began to gurgle. My head was held still as I was advised to keep breathing.

I was breathing, but my gag reflex was triggered so many times that I was retching violently, somewhat scared I might aspirate any fluids. The nurse used a suction tube to draw out the fluid, and there were moments I was comfortable just breathing through my mouth before I was retching again, with my body and legs reacting wildly to the inconvenience.

The camera travelled down to the deepest reaches of my duodenum within two minutes, and for thorough examination, the endoscopist had the camera look back on itself, which is called retroflexion. With air being blown in to allow for a better view, all of it was coming back up in the gurgling and retching.

Biopsies and Relief

Towards the end, I was asked if biopsies could be taken. I'd rather suffer this once than have it done again, so I signalled my consent, and a thin red line was channelled into the camera stem for that purpose.

Imagine the relief when the endoscope was finally extracted, only for me to find that despite all the preparation, my top was soiled to the back of my left shoulder. I tried to dry up before being taken to recovery, where I awaited the preliminary findings of the procedure.

Another set of blood pressure, blood oxygen, and temperature measurements was taken, showing my blood pressure had fallen some 20 points between when I arrived and soon after the procedure.

The Findings

The findings indicated a hiatus hernia, suggesting my stomach had moved slightly above the diaphragm. This is apparently common and could be age-related. Further along, there was an incomplete Schatzki ring not causing any significant narrowing. This is a circle of tissue in the lower oesophagus that might make it difficult to swallow food.

These findings might not fully explain the food impaction and choking events, but they might indicate something to be aware of. The nurse in the recovery ward suggested I give more time to chewing and mastication before swallowing.

The histopathology of the biopsies is expected in anything from 6 weeks, scribbled in over the printed two weeks. I also had to wait an hour after the application of the numbing spray before ingesting anything.

Heading Home

Then I was discharged and walked back home to take a long bed rest. While I feel alright, the invasion of my innards was quite a shock to my system, bringing on exhaustion and tiredness.

I could have written this blog in the hospital, but it has taken hours afterwards, using AI to explain all the medical terms that are inscrutable to the layman, and trying to understand everything that happened: the findings, and the possible issues that might result. The premise is that there is nothing to worry about, just knowledge that explains some historical issues.

A Parting Thought

One final thing: I was their first customer, and it looked like 3 others had cancelled their appointments. I was never once addressed as a patient. Was I the bigger fool for attending what others were not ready to endure? I have no answer to that question.

A Google NotebookLM AI Podcast on this blog

How Charles de Gaulle Fails Woefully at Customer Assistance

An Experience Best Forgotten

My experience at Charles de Gaulle (CDG) Airport in Paris yesterday evening is one to be forgotten for all time. As someone who has used a walking cane for decades, this airport poorly manages access for those with mobility issues. The walks are long, lifts are usually out of service, and toilets are rarely situated near where you need them.

After radiotherapy treatment for prostate cancer in 2024, I have requested airport Customer Assistance for all legs of my journey, but this is the first time I have passed through CDG. In Manchester, Amsterdam, and Cape Town, beyond the issue with easily accessible toilets for those in the assistance pool, there was information, consideration, assistance, and personnel to do the job.

Unprepared and Understaffed

Even though Air France-KLM was aware of my request for almost three months, their preparedness for it at CDG left much to be desired. We arrived at the end of a 12-hour flight from Cape Town, and there was no one at the gate to collect the three of us who needed assistance. I had to ask the flight crew what the situation was.

I was assured they would be with us soon, but one lady arrived with a wheelchair to convey three of us. She applied almost octopus-like skill to laden herself with our carry-on luggage, and we basically had to walk the few hundred yards through security to the waiting area. The information was muddled and unclear, but we waited until a shuttle bus arrived.

Neither Voice Nor Agency

Our boarding passes were in the hands of the personnel, being passed around between them to our collective discomfort. Each time, someone had to ask if the boarding passes were still around. Many of the personnel we encountered at this international airport spoke to us in French. It was uncomfortable.

In the end, we resigned ourselves to the fact that we would be delivered to wherever we needed to be, because our incapacity seemed to be a debilitating disability for which we had neither voice nor agency. Delivered to the gate, my boarding pass was checked, but I was barely noticed when we were asked to board.

A Systemic Failure

From this experience, if you have mobility issues, CDG must be avoided at all costs. This is not an issue with the people at the front line delivering the service; rather, it is a management failure laid bare. Totally unacceptable and utterly despicable. "Appalled" does not begin to describe what should warrant the high point of a one-star review of this service—dishonest at best.

A Google NotebookLM AI Audio Overview Discussion of this blog

In praise of loyalty schemes

Asserting Customer Loyalty

I consider myself an advocate for loyalty schemes, as I have participated in a few, some of which offered benefits I never utilised when I was unable to take full advantage of them.

However, I have found the best perks in the hospitality industry. The benefits and rights you receive as a loyal customer can greatly surpass those of a casual, unregistered user of a service.

One case in point was when I had the Accor Favourite Guest Card, which I lost almost 15 years ago. While visiting Berlin and checking into a hotel I had used many times before, a Mercure brand hotel, the check-in clerk informed me that the hotel was fully booked.

That was not what the Accor Favourite Guest Card guaranteed; I had a room in the hotel of my choice secured, no questions asked, and I asserted that fact. Their suggestion was to put me up in another hotel for one night and return to my chosen hotel for the last three nights.

I refused, stating to the clerk that I didn’t want to be moving around Berlin like a prostitute. I gave them twenty minutes to come up with a better proposal: a booking in another hotel of the same standard or better for the four nights, which they did, even paying for the taxi to transport me to a hotel suite in an even more exclusive part of Berlin.

The Tangible Value of Loyalty

Without my loyalty program, I would not have been able to negotiate that outcome. After leaving the Accor Favourite Guest Card scheme, I joined the Hotels.com rewards program, which gives you a monetary average of every accumulated 10-night stay as a reward night to help offset the costs of staying at hotels booked through that app.

Since 2013, I have saved over £4,500 using my loyalty reward nights, but they have changed the scheme. Aside from not understanding how the new system works, I feel it is not as beneficial. Additionally, I have secured some good deals through Booking.com.

Having once lived in the Netherlands, I became a frequent flyer with KLM, which later merged with Air France as part of the SkyTeam alliance. Over the years, I have earned statuses and miles that covered my return flights to India in 2011 and to South Africa in June 2024.

With this loyalty scheme comes priority boarding, extra baggage allowance, a choice of seating, an air mile multiplier for each Euro spent, depending on status, along with complimentary access to the lounge if you hold a gold status. For years, I had platinum status until the aftermath of the pandemic reduced it to just Silver.

Choose and Stick with It

In my view, everything must be done to maintain at least a minimal loyalty allegiance, rather than starting from scratch again. My frequent flyer miles and hotel reward benefits have been invaluable in saving upfront costs. Choose a brand carefully, study what they offer, and how it compares to the competition, then make a commitment.

It might be pricier, but your patronage amounts to something significant; there is value in storing loyalty rather than endlessly chasing the most affordable price from anyone offering a service. Being a creature of habit by adopting a loyalty scheme is not such a bad thing.

With loyalty store cards, you occasionally receive discounts from the retail price, which can be up to 50% or more. As one supermarket suggests, “Every little helps.” 

Customer service is cheap at Laundryheap

Laundering a Laundry’s faults

For many times, I have used Laundryheap,
But now I think I would almost weep,
For 2 days ago to them, I gave two bags to keep,
To return to me my clothes given a clean sweep,
Alas, the returns being light I gave it a peep.

And 38 items out of 58, not one could seek,
How this could be you do wonder with pique,
As you file a complaint in search of anyone to speak,
Quite a silly situation to leave you quite weak,
In this situational distress, I find myself rather meek.

For my clothes went for a launder in Longsight,
Only 3 kilometres away from here, if you might,
But for the help, I needed to ease my searing plight,
Was a faceless bot in Bangalore that only could write,
So the day was long gone, and I was still in a fight.

Needing to be told where on earth my clothes have been,
Rest assured the bot did say to me then, we are so keen,
Five suits, Nine cravats, Five jackets, for now unseen,
Twenty shirts even, and my wardrobe is bare and quite lean,
This is all, I think, for the love of the automatic machine.

Now the bot comes back after a stern remonstration,
Somehow the facility team like detectives at a station,
My things have they found left behind at that location,
In less than four hours they should return to my possession,
For my troubles a paltry and flimsy tenner in compensation.

If I ever find myself using the services again of Laundryheap,
I would have returned to the slaughter very much like sheep,
For the critical customer service element is done on the cheap,
There is no satisfaction when it all slows to a damning creep,
At which point you seek another service to which you can leap.

And another recruitment agent called

What you can do with knowledge

I can imagine that not many recruitment consultants would have the time to go through my curriculum vitae (CV) in a professional quest to know their candidate, it makes me wonder if they devote any time to knowing their client too. Maybe, it would take time for the recruitment industry to adopt the due diligence activities of the financial institutions to ‘know your customer’ (KYC) as part of anti-money laundering (AML) requirements and regulations.

Now, I raise this because, if the recruitment consultant that called me this morning had bothered to KYC by reading my CV and before that, KYC by fully appreciating what their customer requirements along with details of the opportunity being offered, we might have had a different conversation along with my offering some grudging respect to a professional cohort that rarely works hard enough to earn it.

Know the location

It transpired that this recruitment called me about a job in Marburg in Germany, I asked there exactly Marburg was, she didn’t know (KYC) and eventually found it was near Frankfurt, between Bonn and Frankfurt, she said, but it has no relation to the former.

I know a bit of German geography and places, it is indeed near Frankfurt am Main to be differentiated from Frankfurt an der Oder on the Polish border, for there are many same name towns in Germany that need to be qualified by their regions, else you might end up hundreds of kilometres away from your intended destination.

One must make that point; if you are a recruitment consultant seeking to place a candidate abroad, do the research, find out about the place, the history, the cost of living, the interesting things. Sell the place as you sell the opportunity. Don’t appear stupid, it is annoying.

A chilling discovery

The offer was not exciting though, you don’t take me from an exciting English city and plonk me in the middle of a provincial German town for a pittance, though it does have centuries of interesting history and recent notoriety. It did not occur to me in these Coronavirus times until I checked that Marburg is an eponym for the Marburg virus which was first described in 1967 when German workers were exposed to tissues of infected grivet monkeys. The Marburg virus is in the class of the Ebola virus, they are both haemorrhagic fever viruses.

Obviously, I found myself going down this rabbit hole, in search of why grivet monkeys that are native to a region of East Africa were leaving infected tissue in provincial Germany. Then for the grace of absolution, the entry for the hapless grivet monkey does not cross-reference to the virus. They must have edited their Wikipedia entry to remove the stigma.

Going from my reaction, I began to understand why for posterity reasons, the new Coronavirus, first identified in Wuhan, China, ended up with the name COVID-19 rather than the Wuhan virus, for a sudden irrational thought somewhere in the future, might unwittingly taint any desire to be anywhere near Wuhan for anything. Much as we somewhat identify many other diseases that are eponymously named. [List of eponymously named diseases – Wikipedia][Science Magazine – WHO rules for Naming Diseases]

Don’t waste my time

Then, back to the crux of this blog, I wrote two blogs yesterday, one about recruitment agents and the other about the Coronavirus, there are links to my blogs from within my CV if it looks interesting enough to the reader.

In the case of the recruitment agent who had not done her homework and was completely out of her depth matching my profile to the requirements, if she understood either, a little more attention to detail rather than shuffling papers and manning a phonebank to earn commission might have achieved more for her, probably not with me, but with someone who might have seen the Marburg role as an opportunity.

Finally, if you are recruiting for an architect, don’t suggest the remuneration of a technician, it is a waste of time for both parties. It is not arrogance, just a bit of self-respect, many candidates are not hungry dogs jumping at any bone tossed at them and recruitment agents need to begin to earn their commissions by really putting in the work.

Holiday Snaps: Location still serves vocation

Tribes in the sun

Location, they say, is everything. This could not have been more evident than in my recent visit to Playa del Inglés on the island of Gran Canaria.

Much as this part of the island offers hotels, sun, sand, mostly in dunes and the sea, there are sections around the place that are tribal, clannish or native.

We are left in no doubt that the Germans frequent this island more than other nationals considering the number of signs in German compared to English, Dutch or Scandinavian signs.

Whilst, many other nationals do visit for the sun and surprisingly we met up with Americans who had somehow found this out-of-the-way European sunshine paradise, it is was something of a surprise to me.

Traces of places

When it comes to night life, there are places to go where a lot is going on. I could not however fail to notice that beyond these central places that the tourists throng, some enterprising and entrepreneurial spirits had thought to attract custom to other places in town.

These new places I found were considerably better in standard, facility and variety compared to the crowded places that proprietors could not care to maintain or update. However, they have so much footfall that they cannot be bothered to differentiate themselves from competition to attract more clientele. Complacency had set in.

Whereas, these new places strive to convince us that they are close to the centre and in the process miss out on providing the critical detail that might persuade people to visit their premises.

Failing to listen

I took it upon myself at one such venue to state that the instructions given for their location were not clear and sometimes confusing. The indications use referred to a building that had a name spelt top-down rather than from the left to the right as most of us read words.

My friend, new to the island had more recognition for the building name that had the word spelt horizontally from left to right rather than for the building name spelt vertically, prominent as it appeared to be, but I could not get that point across to the owners, rather, I was pushed back as being probably stupid.

Missing the essential

You then wonder if their market research despite the quality of the product took cognisance of that minor detail of getting people to come or whether it had any strategies for persuading people to leave the beaten paths to the less well-travelled places.

Yet, with owners who appear to know too much that they cannot appreciate a simple observation from a customer concerned enough to make a point about the directions to venue, there is no wondering why despite how good and fantastic the new places are, not many are venturing beyond the central hubs of activity.

They’ve created paradise in a desert and expect people to leave the comforts of tried and tested venues for an unknown. Unknown, they would remain until they rethink the whole scheme because they present no competition as at yet to force the popular places to improve, upgrade or make attractive offers to customers.

Customer Complaint II: Spices African Restaurant, Manchester, your spice is shit

Silly me

Smarting from my encounter with Currys PC World, as a glutton for more punishment I went online shopping again for food through Hungry House.

I typed in my postcode and I clicked on African cuisine and a list of 5 restaurants showed up, most of which serve Nigerian fare but only one of them was online, it was Spices African Restaurant and so I placed an order of various meals totalling £51 including delivery and I received a confirmation that my order was acknowledged and pending.

My order and confirmation

 

A few minutes later at 19:18, I received an email confirmation that my order would arrive anytime between 19:40 and 20:25, at which point, I began to salivate with Pavlovian expectation.

My hunger angered

At 20:18, an hour after my order was placed, I received a phone call; I almost jumped out of my seat to get my order from the door when the caller asked who he was calling. Quite strange since he would have had the order and that was where he got my phone number from.

I gave him my name as he asked if I have put an order to his restaurant through Hungry House, I replied in the affirmative and at that point he told me my order was to be cancelled because there was no one to deliver it. I was stunned.

I remonstrated that having confirmed my order, it meant they had what I ordered and were able to deliver it, but he was having none of it as he told me to call Hungry House to cancel my order and seek a refund.

Pissing me off

At which point I asked if that was how he did business, but he was nonchalant. Angered and frustrated, I offered that Spices African Restaurant would not get a good review for this, to which he replied something to the effect that I could go and do my worst.

I called Hungry House to complain since they are acting as the portal and escrow service to Spices African Restaurant and they were none too pleased. I was given a £5 voucher towards y next Hungry House order and my money would be refunded within the next 3 working days – a rotten inconvenience, but I am not finished with Spices African Restaurant yet.

Closed for business

For the moment their account has been suspended on Hungry House like the other African Restaurants that might have been involved in sharp business practices as Spices African Restaurant, except for Tae’s Tavern which is currently undergoing refurbishment.

Why are they all offline? Spices African Restaurant was put offline after my complaint

Suffice it to say that Spices African Restaurant has probably gotten away with such rotten service without consequence or repercussion because no one pursues the matter beyond the exchanges on the phone, but I am having none of it.

Bad business mien

It saddens me that many ethnic businesses take a lax attitude to customer service and handle the importance of first impressions with levity, almost oblivious and unconcerned of the damage it can cause the reputation of their business and the loss of custom.

As the business begins to fail, they attribute their difficulties to external factors when the problem is principally their attitude to cultivating respectful and considerate customer relationships. This is the stuff vendettas are made of, especially one that leaves a hungry man too angry to think of food until the blog is completed.

Spices African Restaurant, you crossed the wrong man and you have not begun to pay dearly for this. Your spices are rotten, your Africanness is suspect and your service as a restaurant is a disgrace.

Customer Complaint I: Not at Currys PC World, if I could help it

Bad, bad service

In many cases when businesses run into difficulty, a good investigation of the root cause might well lead to errors of omission or commission by the owners of the business or just bad customer service.

My evening has been quite eventful starting with an order that I placed with Currys PC World Ancoats Manchester. It was received and acknowledged with the opportunity to pick up my goods in an hour.

Almost 40 minutes after I placed my order, I got a phone call that my reserved order was on display in the showroom and that was the only one in stock and I could collect it for the same price as new.

That is just not on

There was no way I was going to let Currys PC World pass off unboxed goods as pristine, except where it was unboxed in my presence for me to check the contents before the leaving the store.

At worst, an offer could have been made to knock-down the price because the product was no more new, but none of that was forthcoming and their weak apologies for the situation left me feeling like they were in this to pull a fast one on me.

With staff like this

Where they could have had the initiative to have one delivered from a nearby store for me to pick up the next day, they were unpersuadable that it got to a point after knowing that I had shopped at Currys PC World for years and in fact, the high-specification laptop I am blogging from was acquired from the same shop last year, they were unhelpful.

Maybe hostile is not the word, but unfriendly, uncooperative and lacking in customer service decorum sums it up. With staff like this, you might well close shop.

I would rather take my money elsewhere and wait eons for my order than besmirch my dignity with a visit to Currys PC World again. It is little things like this, dishonest, underhand and reprehensible that could destroy a reputation built over decades, and just because staff fail to appreciate the responsibility they hold in an organisation.

Villa Bellagio - A Welcome Result

Speaking up

The saga about my access to wireless internet services at my hotel took a new turn yesterday when I decided to write to the Villa Bellagio head office about the issues of customer service and problem management I have written about over the last few days not failing to attach the picture of a red cross over the free Wi-Fi service icon.

The need to escalate this problem was evident from the fact that I had lost complete confident in the manager to seek a problem resolution or even provide a temporary solution to the problem.

Presence matters

Evidently, she just did not have the bearing even in her own organisation to first take ownership of the problem and then think outside the box as one would have expected considering the hotel itself had a private Wi-Fi service that could have been co-opted without unnecessary angst.

I soon got a reply from the head office explaining the situation which appears to corroborate the manager’s stories. The management of the hotel had only recently changed and Swisscom terminated the contract without notice, so the hotel has been working to restore the service, though it has been taking quite a while.

It goes without saying that one does need a presence and bearing to convincingly carry a title and an office along with the gravitas that allows people to trust your views and opinions. The hospitality industry is not for shrinking Violets and the demands of customers can be quite varied requiring differing solutions calling on initiative and good managerial ability.

Initiative is key

I see in this case that I was ahead of her in determining what the problem was and seeking an appropriate solution and in my correspondence with the head office; they offered to grant access to the private Wi-Fi service.

In thanking them, I asked that the information be available to grant me access on my return to the hotel but I have just received an email now with the password to the private Wi-Fi service and the offer of a discounted stay if I do visit again.

A result

I think we have a result along with a whole litany of how problems should be owned and properly managed to the satisfaction of the customer.

Now, I do hope that when I type in the password for the Wi-Fi access, it works first time and Villa Bellagio can begin to repair the damage their reputation has suffered so far.

However, this is not the complete solution for everyone, but it is for now good enough for those who have endured the loss of this service for 10 days.

Thought Picnic: No Vexatious Customer

It is important

Looking at issues to do with Problem Management some things are becoming quite evident. Seth Godin in his short blog a few days ago asked the simplest customer service frustration question of all saying, “why is it not as important to you as it is to me?”

This exemplifies the sense a customer has of a problem not being given the kind of attention, importance, significance and urgency the customer believes their complaint should have.

Feel my pain

For good measure it is when the customer senses when interacting with a human face that represents the possible solution to the problem that there is no empathy as if the service provider is indifferent, nonchalant or just irresponsible.

This is evident in words of conversation, responses or action predicating a refusal to take ownership of the problem such that the customer is left to feel there is no solution in sight.

The rage against indifference

The customer can adopt one of many approaches but the hardest one to adopt is appealing to the good nature of an apathetic service provider.

Some customers will however seek ways to bring about a desired response and resolution with tools within their means.

Beyond lethargic ombudsman engagement systems to expensive legal redress which all involve third-parties, the customer can now engage social media in the quest to have their problem managed and solved.

Getting even and listened to

It gives the customer the leverage and clout they once did not have where service providers have poor problem resolution processes and worse still, personnel who have no reputational stake in putting forward a professional face for themselves and the organisation they work for; we are left at the mercy of the presumably heartless.

Social media can at once be both aggressive and effective. Many have put it to good use and organisations are slowly relearning the hard lesson of the customer being king.

On blogs, on Twitter, on Facebook, and on YouTube, the customer is demanding a responsive, friendly and empathetic service in words that read like - "I am not a vexatious customer, just one with a requirement I expect to be met." 

Thought Picnic: The Importance of Being Distinguished

The element of dress

I was on a mission yesterday, a mission to appear and say very little, in what was a basic exercise in the importance of being distinguished.

Indeed, I have been called a dandy but there is really nothing to it, wear a shirt but don’t forget to don a day cravat, don’t wear jeans, chinos are the bare minimum otherwise wear a suit.

If you are not wearing a suit, at least have a jacket on, remember never to do up all your buttons, if you have more than one on the jacket, leave the lowest one undone.

Never forget the pocket square, have a good hat and if you are using a cane, I use one because of my back, it should have the bearing that belies your sophistication and footwear can never be trainers, good leather possibly black and side buckles than laces are more to my fancy.

The presence of presence

We were visiting an estate agent's whose reputation for unprofessionalism, rudeness and abuse was second to none as if the agency chain had trained their staff to frustrate tenants at every turn, making rules on the fly and always threatening to levy costs at the slightest opportunity.

What I had heard of them made my blood boil, what I had read of the agency chain on the Internet showed that they had form. I was ready to be present and present a presence of utter disapproval with all the gravitas I could muster – I know why I do not suffer fools gladly and I know why I can say to any customer service person I am not a vexatious customer, only one with a particular requirement that I expect to be met.

Demeanour matters, always

One does not need to raise one’s voice, slow measured tones delivered almost with a lockjaw buccal movement is as deliberate and effective as it comes – presence is an art, never a science.

We arrived at the estate agents, they shook hands, I had taken a seat before I stood up to be introduced and then observed the proceedings from a distance.

The estate agent was unusually nice, constantly seeking validation for which I would nod or sometimes interject, corroborate or elucidate.

My job was done and my friends left quite happy with the fact that they were offered the courtesies, dignity and respect a paying customer should expect. Obviously, by rights, it should be unnecessary to bring in a cavalry of dandies to impress and impress upon, but if needs must, then must one be offered on the pedestal of the importance of being distinguished – clothes, whether you like it or not do make a man and the way you wear them says a lot more than you will ever know.