I'll take the service, please and keep the compensation

A failure to do

Compensation: the refuge of service providers after the efficient display and demonstration of ineptitude and incompetence in the provision of an advertised and vaunted service you first can afford and pay for, that they have so failed to deliver, you are left both speechlessly askance and quite livid with rage.

You might think I am on the roll with regards to compensations in December, for at first, it was with my laundry service provider, LaundryHeap, with a laundry and dry-cleaning turnout of 24 hours, picking up and dropping off your clothes at your home.

A willingness to fix

When I used that service in mid-November, 20 out of 58 clothing items were returned in the service window, the rest involved a back-and-forth that ran for 4 additional days with a £10.57 compensation offered at that time.

Blog - Laundered to distress by Laundryheap

I was utterly dissatisfied even after using the service for years, and I resisted posting a review apart from what I posted on my blog, keeping my counsel and holding my peace. Then out of the blue on the first of the month, Laundry Heap contacted me to refund the full-service charge for 38 clothing items that were not returned within the 24-hour service window. It amounted to £184.50.

My globetrotting baggage

Moving on, we had a situation where I arrived in Cape Town 40 hours before my baggage which from the assurance of the captain on my Air France flight from Paris to Cape Town indicated our delayed departure was to allow for baggage to be loaded on the plane. The aircraft left Paris with less than half the baggage of the passengers that boarded the plane when we stood at the carousel a few minutes before 23:00 local time.

Blog - In flights of intermittent piquancy

We learnt that baggage had been left behind before each of us got emails from Air France informing us of the possible circulatory route our baggage would take to be reunited with us by Sunday, we having arrived on Friday night. After filling in a Property Irregularity Report with information of where to deliver my baggage, if and when it arrives in Cape Town, I took to Twitter to follow up on the progress.

My baggage made it to Amsterdam on Friday night and then was put on board a plane in the morning from Amsterdam to Cape Town, to arrive just an hour short of midnight. I heard nothing more and could not contact the office in Cape Town nor leave a message as their mailbox was full.

A disorderly organisation

I assumed my baggage was already in Cape Town, so I made for the airport and through some security to a desk where I was informed my baggage was on the way to my Cape Town address without anyone having contacted me to update me of that situation. It transpired my baggage was still on the airport premises, I collected my 3 suitcases and signed for them.

I then returned to Twitter to remonstrate, wherein I was given a link to claim some sort of compensation. You wonder what for? The T-shirt, the pair of shorts and the sandals, I got to just not be overdressed for summertime in Cape Town?

Then I got a call from Air France to my South African number where I was offered a maximum compensation of £85 and 8,000 Air Miles. I could quibble because the last time Air France forgot to keep my baggage on the same itinerary and schedule as I was, they gave me 10,000 Air Miles and it was a journey to Bucharest and I was reunited with my baggage within 24 hours. But for the fact that I was a premium rate customer with a Platinum Flying Blue card meant this was throwing pennies at me to compensate for pounds of distress. I was unimpressed, we soldier on.

An apartment apart in chaos

Then, we are left wondering what attracted us to the apartment we are staying in for 28 nights in Cape Town because we were no doubt taken in by the glossy pictures and that was about it. The letting agents that injected themselves into the process after we booked the apartment on Hotels.com now have to earn their keep because they have heretofore been sitting pretty and indolent.

The agent who was supposed to meet us to show us around the apartment was not available because of car trouble, then on entering the apartment, we began to see that so many things were not as stated in the details we read about this place. There is a lift in the building even as the material suggests there isn’t as there is a bathtub in the bathroom when we were informed it only had a shower. How do you miss that, except if you have never bothered to visit the property under management?

No cooks ever cooked here

There is no microwave oven in a 21^st Century apartment leaving you wondering if anyone who ever stayed here ever ordered or takeaway or even tried to cook anything with the aluminium pots that had no handles and lids without holders, it got worse when I tried to prepare a salad and there were no kitchen knives.

The wardrobe with two 1.5m rails only had 3 clothes hangers, and though the apartment had a washer/dryer with a 7kg/4kg weighting for the respective cycles, there was no clothesline and there is no vacuum cleaner in the apartment. Considering this is the 5^th apartment we are staying in since we started visiting Cape Town, even we are left astonished that this is the first time we have ever had to complain about where we are staying.

We always try to create a home away from home experience with fully domesticated living, but this is at a stretch difficult in this apartment without considerable remediation that the agent has informed us the owner of the apartment would sort out, we just do not know when and it is the 5^th day of our stay.

Get it right the first time, thanks

Now, this is my view of the issue of compensation, I do not need it, what I need is the service I paid for delivered to the standard and better of what was advertised without my need to complain, except to be appreciative and commend whoever and the service provider for their excellent service.

In fact, you can never fully compensate for a failed or below par service apart from paying back everything with a little more for the distress and inconvenience suffered. In my view, LaundryHeap went the furthest in the compensation stakes, Air France has not acquitted themselves well for the fact that the captain knew he was leaving France without our baggage and that it took that long to get things back to me.

Then 6 hours after I collected my baggage from the airport, I received a message from Air France indicating my baggage had arrived in Cape Town and will be delivered to my address. Honestly!

As for our apartment, we are expecting to be surprised if any of the issues were raised gets sorted out. One thing the agency and the owner of this apartment should avoid is a negative review because I will be honest and that is just the way things are.

Laundered to distress by Laundryheap

Bewitched by convenience

Their unique selling proposition was more than just attractive but extremely convenient considering the circumstances, for the nearest dry cleaner to me was almost a kilometre away, somewhat expensive, sometimes delivering poor quality service and most of all, I had to take my laundry to them and had to given them at least three days for me to pick up my stuff.

Laundryheap was convenience wrapped up in an online portal with a 24-hour turnaround allowing for their couriers to do a door-laundry-door pick-up and delivery, as long as I had a credit card they could charge once the job was done. They had been my drycleaners since July 2016.

I was sold on the 24 hours spiel, it was irresistibly perfect for my situation.

Those bags were big and I filled two of them.

I probably used them 3 or 4 times a year with my laundry bill averaging £200 to £250 per service. Suits, jackets, shirts, ties, cravats, overcoats, trousers and then shorts were what I got them to do. However, the pandemic has meant I have not used formal wear that much, that I have only utilised the service the last two Decembers and this November.

That’s a light delivery

This last time was an ordeal that totally deviated from the kind of service I was accustomed to, it felt like they were deliberately trying to lose my custom, and whatever might have informed that performance, has not been properly explained to me.

On Wednesday, I put in a request for a collection and gathered my clothes in two piles of inventories according to the item and separated them into bags labelled ‘Dryclean’ and ‘Wash & Iron’, the courier arrived towards the later part of the pick-up window and all I had to do was wait until the next day.

The delivery window came just within the 24 hours of the collection, I received a bag and some hangers, the volume and lightness meant something was missing. I had seen from the billing that some things were drycleaned and some were washed & ironed, meaning they did process the two bags of clothes, the bigger shock was I had 20 items of clothing returned out of 58 items collected the previous day.

Good thing I did an itemisation of clothing to be collected, would have to take pictures of labels too?

Make pictures of words

Missing from the delivery was 3 jackets, 5 2-piece suits, all 9 cravats, the overcoat that did not belong to me, and all my shirts, 20 of them. So, I contacted the chat line which consisted of named but faceless bots hosted in Bangalore, when my clothes were dry cleaned on location in Longsight, just 3 kilometres away.

As they had no phone number to call, I was left to type out details of my complaint and missing items that they were to relay to another team and that might eventually reach the facilities or logistics team at Longsight. Each interaction towards finding my clothes was initiated by me, there was no initiative on their part to keep me updated on the progress of finding my clothes, I was fobbed off stock responses, ‘Rest assured, we are working hard to ensure you things are found by our team.’ And anything else to that effect.

Then I was even offered a £10.70 compensation voucher for my inconvenience as they asked for particular details about my missing items to help them locate where they might be. I found myself exercising powers of recall you never have to use when using a laundry service with the hope that one particular description might stand out enough to lead whoever was looking to a pile of clothes belonging to one person, inadvertently missed in the logistics processing.

Item Type:
Brand/label:
Colour/pattern/design:
Size (if relevant):
Any other distinguishing features:

Size and colour, I could generally remember, brands for my suits I could except for the bespoke ones, the jackets I mostly got from a catalogue apart from one, I never really checked to see what label it had apart from knowing one was 4 sizes smaller belonging to a friend, another 2 sizes smaller, belonging to Brian, the shirts? God help me.

Now, the hours were days

Soon, I got a message my clothes had been found, but the updated billing did not reflect the reality of what I was expecting, I had to question the inventory as they scheduled the delivery for Friday night between 19:00 and 22:00, only to inform me that due to some unforeseen circumstances, the delivery had been postponed to Saturday for the same window. By then, I had been billed fully.

My distress was just compounded by the fact that they were not proactive or prompt with telling of the changes in planned arrangements. It would have assuaged my angst if someone just called me, that never happened. A few minutes to the Saturday window of delivery, it was postponed to Monday. I had given up on chasing them and was looking at the legal options for corporate theft and compensation.

Thank you very much

This evening, I received a message that I was at the end of a 20 deep queue of delivery stops, then it changed to someone expecting to get to my door in 19 minutes. Just 121 hours after what was supposed to be a service touted as “Laundry & Dry Cleaning to your home in 24 hours” my clothes arrived. I simply counted them and put them away. If any are damaged through handling, I cannot care less or even more.

Whilst the likelihood of using Laundryheap again is remote to totally unlikely, if they have no competition, it might come into consideration. However, a £10.70 compensation for an order that I paid over £310 for and was not delivered on time, is an insult more than derisory. I could fully afford my laundry bill; I did not choose them for charitable or humanitarian reasons to my account. The service is what I paid for; the compensation is like throwing pennies at me.

We are done, for now

What is a 3% compensation for the angst and distress of possibly losing your clothes? Conceptually, Laundryheap might be a useful service, I have my doubts about the heart and soul of the owners being nearer the customer than their profits.

For that, I would be seeking out all sites that provide review services for Laundryheap to award 1-star for customer service and support, even if the other part of the equation can easily get a 4-star rating. They were let down by the service and when it comes to personal items like clothing, it is those little things that become the end of custom and the loss of recommendations. In Laundryheap, which did so well for a while, I am quite sorely unimpressed and totally disappointed.

Customer service is cheap at Laundryheap

Laundering a Laundry’s faults

For many times, I have used Laundryheap,
But now I think I would almost weep,
For 2 days ago to them, I gave two bags to keep,
To return to me my clothes given a clean sweep,
Alas, the returns being light I gave it a peep.

And 38 items out of 58, not one could seek,
How this could be you do wonder with pique,
As you file a complaint in search of anyone to speak,
Quite a silly situation to leave you quite weak,
In this situational distress, I find myself rather meek.

For my clothes went for a launder in Longsight,
Only 3 kilometres away from here, if you might,
But for the help, I needed to ease my searing plight,
Was a faceless bot in Bangalore that only could write,
So the day was long gone, and I was still in a fight.

Needing to be told where on earth my clothes have been,
Rest assured the bot did say to me then, we are so keen,
Five suits, Nine cravats, Five jackets, for now unseen,
Twenty shirts even, and my wardrobe is bare and quite lean,
This is all, I think, for the love of the automatic machine.

Now the bot comes back after a stern remonstration,
Somehow the facility team like detectives at a station,
My things have they found left behind at that location,
In less than four hours they should return to my possession,
For my troubles a paltry and flimsy tenner in compensation.

If I ever find myself using the services again of Laundryheap,
I would have returned to the slaughter very much like sheep,
For the critical customer service element is done on the cheap,
There is no satisfaction when it all slows to a damning creep,
At which point you seek another service to which you can leap.

Thought Picnic: How Do They Launder Demons?

You cannot make this up

Pat Robertson the American Televangelist says the darndest things that makes people think he had been quaffing psychedelic drugs in place of breathing air for oxygen.

It is then not surprising that he then attracts even the most unspeakably bizarre questions to his 700 Club show, his responses are sometimes impossible to watch creating a cringe-worthy sense of unease and queasiness that leaves you all so queer.

Recently, he had to answer a question about second-hand clothes being possibly inhabited by demons, of course, the idea was not originally his, but by the time he provided anecdotal evidence and the additional commentary, he as good as said clothes can be the residual habitation of demons and something to the effect that demons can reside in inanimate objects.

Get me a Demons for Dummies manual

Now, I am no expert in demonology or the exegesis of exorcism, nor would I suggest that I fully appreciate the manifestations or fantasy of the paranormal that excites the Pentecostal folk to the point that they handle spiritual matters with unusually physical vigour that a typical WWF fixture will not have as much movement or entertainment value.

However, the problem arises when agnosticism takes the place of disbelief; the seed of the questionable has been sown in a mind that conjures much vivid imagination and imagery.

As I was checking out of my hotel yesterday, I usually leave some of my stuff at the hotel over the weekend which means one has to pack wisely.

Demon reproduction

I use the laundry services of the hotel and so imagine my surprise when it looked like I had another suit in the wardrobe that had returned with my clothes some 3 days before.

Yes, a small-sized Burton’s suit had mistakenly been carted back to me and had dissipated its life amongst my clothes for days unbeknownst to me because my laundry is usually returned to my room when I am out. I just assumed everything was fine.

Back to Pat Robertson’s drug-addled theory of demonology and demon estate management you begin to wonder whose demons are cavorting with other demons and whether those I tolerate have been copulating with those of the stranger’s suit – I can’t go on, but you get the drift.

Some people need to be taken off television with immediate effect, I can’t remember if I said my prayers – over the clothes.

A triplicate is one not three

Double Hotel Jeopardy

Back to my hotel where the thought that I would checking out in four days is the comfort I have from what makes this place a real-life Fawlty Towers.

I know I would not be returning to this hotel and neither would it receive a word of recommendation from me.

This hotel is in fact two hotels combined in one, one side being an aparthotel – a hotel of apartments called Riu Flamingo and the other part is a hotel of rooms called Riu Papayas.

If you are on foot, you will have to go through the Riu Flamingo hotel to get to he Riu Papayas part, we share the restaurant, entertainment and recreational places such that if you are served you have to give your room number and hotel you are staying in.

It would have been easier to prefix the rooms on one side with a 1 and that way they automatically know which hotel you are in.

Sick bag breakfast

The breakfast is usually quite bland that I have taken to waking up late and going out for a full English breakfast where a real-life Barbara Windsor (Peggy Mitchell) figure and better, of German extraction but the most welcoming, friendly and engaging lady of the house serves with the comforting accent of a European polyglot.

Moby’s Restaurant is about a 20-minute walk from my hotel, but I have to go through the Yumbo Centre to pick my daily which is hardly a morning paper but a brunch one. The Daily Telegraph never arrives on time for all sorts of reasons, I have been sentenced to reading either the Daily Mail or The Guardian in the absence of my newspaper – I love reading my paper at breakfast which is usually straddling the noon hours.

Moby’s Restaurant is on Avenida de Tirajana just beneath the Tenesor Apartments and you would always be welcome there, good value, variety and a big screen for football if you are so inclined.

Triplicates are for a reason

So, this morning I needed to do some ironing and after so much sign language short of sticking up a finger we came to an understanding that I needed an iron which I have to take back to my room and then move the bed a good 1.5 metres to get the cord in the wall socket which is cleverly concealed behind the television – the room is a tortuous restriction, I might as well be in a prison cell and I would have a lot more wall sockets.

I also have some laundry to do which I have to put out on Monday before 9:00AM, I would set the alarm to get up that early. I did not find any laundry slips in my room, so I asked for one only to note that the slips which are supposed to be filled in triplicate had been split so each bag had a white, pink or yellow slip.

I explained to the concierge that these things should be done in triplicate such that the white copy goes to the laundry, the pink goes to hotel administration and I retain the yellow copy to ensure my goods are safe and make the right payments.

He would hear none of it, he said, it was no more necessary, the new system was just to have one slip of the triplicate and everything else is based on trust, I would suppose.

He could not however explain to me why the mini-bar had the “old” system of triplicate forms but the laundry had just one – it makes you wonder where they get such sub-standard staff from who believe in fudging the detail and dissimulation rather than be corrected and do the right thing.

Never without Palace

There is no doubt that this double-hotel is staffed with customer-facing cretins and intelligent house-keepers, there is a split when it comes to the night-duty personnel, the one on the Riu Papayas end seems to be a very amicable person, the other on the Riu Flamingo would lie to your face – I wanted to report the issue to the manager but decided the hierarchy must be as rotten as what I encounter.

Good managers hardly end up with rotten staff, I may be wrong. Never again for Riu Papayas, Riu Flamingo and any counterpart that does not include “Palace” in the name.

In Playa del Ingles, Riu Palace Maspalomas is very much the hotel with class, the Grand Palace variety is too way out of the town centre to get a look in.