Running the gauntlet of lazy recruitment agents

Anything but able

I want to believe that my LinkedIn profile is good enough and I would be the first to say any profile can be improved upon, but there is no perfect profile, we are just trying to project our best selves.

However, I get barraged with lots of emails from recruitment and talent acquisition specialists, though I am left wondering what the specialism is, as it is becoming obvious to me that they neither read nor assess my profile before proposing totally unsuitable roles that do not fit my experience, expertise, location, or remuneration requirements.

It would seem their professional acumen is vying for a world record in some sort of whack-a-mole exercise of flooding prospects in the hope that one or a few might be hit hard enough to be responsive.

Interest me, engage me

Too many times, I am asked to forward my CV on scant job information, they, thinking I would be interested when they have neither interested nor engaged me.

If you are contacting me, I would hope you have first read my profile and the embedded CV, your specialism coming to the fore by treating me as a professional, through reviewing my experience, roles, responsibilities, and broader profile, rather than as a mercenary for hire.

Then, interest me with a useful job profile along with the associated remuneration range - cut to the chase with the view that we do not want to waste each other's time.

If I am interested, you will get a response and we can have a discussion about the role and the prospects. Recruiters need to get better, the slap-dash approach is becoming an annoyance, hence this post.

And another recruitment agent called

What you can do with knowledge

I can imagine that not many recruitment consultants would have the time to go through my curriculum vitae (CV) in a professional quest to know their candidate, it makes me wonder if they devote any time to knowing their client too. Maybe, it would take time for the recruitment industry to adopt the due diligence activities of the financial institutions to ‘know your customer’ (KYC) as part of anti-money laundering (AML) requirements and regulations.

Now, I raise this because, if the recruitment consultant that called me this morning had bothered to KYC by reading my CV and before that, KYC by fully appreciating what their customer requirements along with details of the opportunity being offered, we might have had a different conversation along with my offering some grudging respect to a professional cohort that rarely works hard enough to earn it.

Know the location

It transpired that this recruitment called me about a job in Marburg in Germany, I asked there exactly Marburg was, she didn’t know (KYC) and eventually found it was near Frankfurt, between Bonn and Frankfurt, she said, but it has no relation to the former.

I know a bit of German geography and places, it is indeed near Frankfurt am Main to be differentiated from Frankfurt an der Oder on the Polish border, for there are many same name towns in Germany that need to be qualified by their regions, else you might end up hundreds of kilometres away from your intended destination.

One must make that point; if you are a recruitment consultant seeking to place a candidate abroad, do the research, find out about the place, the history, the cost of living, the interesting things. Sell the place as you sell the opportunity. Don’t appear stupid, it is annoying.

A chilling discovery

The offer was not exciting though, you don’t take me from an exciting English city and plonk me in the middle of a provincial German town for a pittance, though it does have centuries of interesting history and recent notoriety. It did not occur to me in these Coronavirus times until I checked that Marburg is an eponym for the Marburg virus which was first described in 1967 when German workers were exposed to tissues of infected grivet monkeys. The Marburg virus is in the class of the Ebola virus, they are both haemorrhagic fever viruses.

Obviously, I found myself going down this rabbit hole, in search of why grivet monkeys that are native to a region of East Africa were leaving infected tissue in provincial Germany. Then for the grace of absolution, the entry for the hapless grivet monkey does not cross-reference to the virus. They must have edited their Wikipedia entry to remove the stigma.

Going from my reaction, I began to understand why for posterity reasons, the new Coronavirus, first identified in Wuhan, China, ended up with the name COVID-19 rather than the Wuhan virus, for a sudden irrational thought somewhere in the future, might unwittingly taint any desire to be anywhere near Wuhan for anything. Much as we somewhat identify many other diseases that are eponymously named. [List of eponymously named diseases – Wikipedia][Science Magazine – WHO rules for Naming Diseases]

Don’t waste my time

Then, back to the crux of this blog, I wrote two blogs yesterday, one about recruitment agents and the other about the Coronavirus, there are links to my blogs from within my CV if it looks interesting enough to the reader.

In the case of the recruitment agent who had not done her homework and was completely out of her depth matching my profile to the requirements, if she understood either, a little more attention to detail rather than shuffling papers and manning a phonebank to earn commission might have achieved more for her, probably not with me, but with someone who might have seen the Marburg role as an opportunity.

Finally, if you are recruiting for an architect, don’t suggest the remuneration of a technician, it is a waste of time for both parties. It is not arrogance, just a bit of self-respect, many candidates are not hungry dogs jumping at any bone tossed at them and recruitment agents need to begin to earn their commissions by really putting in the work.

Through the prism of landing a new role

A market of bits

We are a churning marketplace that shifts through bit parts of being customer, seller, or product, we could even be a shop or shop window.

Like in a bazaar, we are flipped like fresh fish, then poked, and prodded to determine if we are of the quality to be served for dinner at home or in a restaurant. Nowhere is this of particular import than where you are on the job market seeking an opportunity for which you are first qualified and able to deploy your expertise and experience whilst at the same time you try to discern whether that prospect sets you up for the new when the project ends.

Don’t recruit like a brute

The engagement with recruitment agencies is at times a battle of wits, some of whom have just passed your profile through an ineffective and crude mangler without paying any attention to the detail therein.

There are times I have suggested I am a technical prostitute on the market for punters and patrons that take my fancy as much as they might be interested. Yet, it is not for anyone who comes or anything that goes. Discernment and discrimination are paramount, for there must be a good fit with the recruiter than engages you to represent your interests for which they will earn a fee if you accept the opportunity as even as they work to meet the requirements of their client.

Work for your keep

What irks me most is those who don’t do their homework at all, getting the basics of what we are about before calling and setting out to useful detail what the prospect portends. For instance, if you bring me an opportunity on mainland Europe, have answers for the concerns about Brexit and if relocation issues might be constrained for all sorts of reason. Then, already do an analysis on comparative cost of living to remuneration for taking someone out of their comfort zone abroad.

It is an insult to call me to match or offer than the same rate I am on in the UK where I have my comforts, accommodation, life, and friends as if you are doing me a favour. Much as I like adventure, I will not be fulfilling a role at a cost to myself just because you are persuasive or enthusiastic. I have been dealing with recruitment agents for decades, you are probably new to this game.

The market trumps all

I guess the funniest question I have had to answer is whether I have other offers I am considering. Let this be understood without any equivocation, I am on the market until contracts and agreements have been signed and delivered. Unless you are paying to keep me off the market, I have no obligation or allegiance. There are times I have gullibly trusted the word of a stranger and lost time and opportunity when the supposed arrangement fell through.

As a free agent, the decision for what I will do and where I will go is ultimately mine to make, if your sales patter does not sell, it would not be bought. It is not for me to become sentimental for what I have not obtained a binding and legally enforceable contract for.

In the end, I also must believe in myself, my reticence to apply for certain roles where I am well qualified and can grow to fill the opportunity is a battle of self-assurance and growing self-esteem. In my doubts, I hope a little voice of faith just urges me to do step out, step up, like someone I love would say, step on it. I will rise to the occasion.

Thought Picnic: Discussions with recruiters of my ire

Don’t they just irk you?

Daily, one is presented with opportunity for some decision-making as to whether it would be worthwhile or just another waste of time.

Here, one has to engage with supposed professionals who do not bother to skim talk less of read the profiles they have harvested off the Internet before they are on the telephone to suggest a general consider become a corporal for their convenience and in the hope that the general has no guiding principle apart from a mercenary quest for filthy lucre.

Half this stuff amounts to adding insult to injury as one bites the tongue to avoid the much deserved expletive if you are wont to being that expressive without reservation.

It is no favour

The other day, the conversation went along the lines of the recruiter hoping to negotiate on my behalf whether the employer will up the rate from 50% of what I am currently on to possibly 60% - the effrontery.

Without being as terse as I was at rights to become, I informed him that there was no need to negotiate because we were nowhere near the spectrum of acceptable remuneration to give it any consideration apart from the fact that he should not be deluded into thinking he was doing me a favour when he was not recognising my particular interests.

The conversation ended as I drew a sharp intake of breath at having to run the gauntlet of the most atrocious engagement I have had in quite a while.

Get me the job first

In other cases, these people want to have references long before they have committed to anything, I have come to the knowledge that they use that to obtain names of contacts they can harangue for other positions they want to fill.

I do not want to bother my referees for references if the job is not yet in the bag that when my referees ask at some future time they realise it has been a waste of their time, I have many times been embarrassed by this that I have been firm – get me the job first and references will follow.

Building solid bridges

However, the best legacy one can leave at the completion of a contract is the willingness for your ex-colleagues to have you return to work with them if another opportunity arises.

I might well be that within a week of completing one tenure that started as a 6-week engagement and ran for 2 weeks short of 5 months, they might want me back if the funds can be sorted out – a bit of waiting as I brush up on some theory and practice, I am amazed about what new stuff I have learnt of what I was doing before – I am ready to go. That’s excitement.

Thought Picnic: Getting Dangerously Absent From Myself

I hearing me

I had a conversation with a prospective recruiter this morning and the more I heard myself; the more I became worried about the possibility of losing my vice, my assertiveness, my sense of confidence and a feeling of assuredness.

She was quite understanding and listened attentively showing unusual concern and readiness to engage, it was easy to apologise, if not make excuses for my voice that sounded worlds away from the contents of my résumé.

However, this does not bode well, the force of personality with appears in well letters is usually expressed spiritedly in demeanour, speech and conversation.

I could hear myself rambling to the point that I had to check myself for coherence, the sense of wonderment that made for thinking I was leaving myself behind rather than putting myself forward can be quite scary.

This calls for an intervention, immediate, effective and radical – I need to find me before I am dangerously absent from myself.

Beware of dog - recruiter alert

What to do…

I am beginning to wonder if my temperament and demeanour is suited to certain interviewers, interview techniques or job prospects.

My CV is generally supposed to present me as an expert in a field of expertise where the simplicity of installation obfuscates the complexity of implementing useful solutions.

For instance, in my last project, the “Customer Solutions Architect” had spent the best part of 7 months installing a Microsoft Systems Management Server 2003 environment which worked but was completely unmanageable.

Any administrator would have cried in frustration with simple day-to-day activities. A person with my experience and expertise would consider all stake-holders affected by any solution offered.

This comprises of the business, their requirements, the users, the administrators and any prevailing political and organisational influence that impacts the effectiveness of the solution.

My pitch sits squarely in realising solutions for the enterprise with due consideration of all resources provided and expected benefits. It means that one has to be authoritative, candid, truthful, realistic, resourceful and always honest.

Illiterate pimps

Starting with the interviewers, these are sometimes recruitment consultants in recruitment firms who usually have one thing in mind; the mark-up they can earn off your contract fee.

In some cases, there has been close to a 50% mark-up; it hasn’t really bothered me, because what is not negotiable is my fee at the first time of asking.

That is beside the point; it is when they have not taken time to read my CV that irks me the most. I used to be a director of a company called NextStep Limited in Nigeria then I got a call asking if I could offer programming expertise in NeXTSTEP software.

Then after 12 years of IT experience (I now have 18) of which 7 then were at a senior technical specialist level, sometimes in management, I get a call asking if I am interested in a trainee position. I have no problem with being a trainee if I am working on the launch controls at NASA.

However, apart from recruitment consultants, there are professional recruiters employed by organisations to sift prospective employees with bizarre questions and mind games.

Bouncers in the bank

The biggest bank in the Netherlands was recently on a recruitment drive which they co-sourced to an agency that was to weed out ineligible candidates along with agreeing certain terms of remuneration.

Having passed that hurdle, I met up with this male and female team of recruiters whose first onslaught was to refuse to interview till I had agreed to take a salary 15% below what had been agreed with the agency.

Evidently, this was on the paper sent to them by the agency well over a week before, and it could have been discussed with the agency who would have sought my consent or advice about going further or not.

In the circumstances, they blamed their lack of preparation on the agency where they should have paid more attention to the detail of the client to be interviewed.

Then the interview starts with “Give us an example of relationship building” – you must be kidding me.

Now, if I had only been working in IT 2 years, I would probably still be learning about how to get things done.

After 18 years, with the roles I have held and the beneficial things I have done in the organisations I have worked for … if my whole career has not been about building, maintaining and nurturing relationships, my career must have been a farce.

OK, maybe I am being a bit melodramatic, but after the salary haggling that would not have been worthy of a sub-continental marketplace or bazaar, I do not think I was in the mood for unimaginative recruiters.

They were like bouncers, you either have an invitation and we let you in, or you are going nowhere regardless of your relationship with the host.

They interview to an organisational mindset if there is one, or are just probably incompetent and answerable to no one especially when they can cover up their lapses.

At the poker table without chips

One other reason why I probably was not considered could be the fact that I decided to carry on the interview on the prospect of a better position, which they did not have to offer.

Interviewing with people who have no latitude on the one hand and then cannot recognise the skill you offer could as well be a dead-end.

So then, to another interview that is for the role of a specialist and I get the question “How do you set up a user?” – That is definitely taking the biscuit. Having worked in global enterprises, some sites have had well over 40,000 users along with their computers under my management.

They probably have not read my CV and if they had, maybe those questions are just to tug at my intellectual arrogance and the brooding “expertise complex” that beclouds the ability to deal with fundamental issues.

The truth be told

Aspects of a CV can sometimes look like they are too good to be true, then, ask for references; there is not reason to purvey falsehoods, the IT world is too small to get away with lies and sloppy work, you soon get found out.

Though it is gratifying when 10 years ago, was I walked into an interview they placed my in a room and I had to do a technical test. I then was hired within hours of that interview – I learnt that people doubted my abilities and I was baited with the test in which I attained the best ever score.

Beyond a good professional relationship with my manager which lasted 4 years including his taking over to another posting he had, we are still very good friends. Do I have to cry from the hilltops that I really am what my CV says I am? I am beyond exasperated.

At least, 80% of the work I have done in the last 10 years has been through networks formed off working with colleagues, managers or agencies – every now and then, I get a call asking about my availability for a project they have at hand.

I can fix that

All is not lost, I realise that I interview best when I am hired to fix something. At least the last few projects have involved my going in sort things out, mentor people and implement working solutions.

When people have questions, problems or appalling catastrophes requiring first a confident understanding of the issues and a good idea of how to chart from the rotten and bad through the acceptable towards the ideal coupled with availability in terms of both my expertise and time, I always get the job.

Probably, my wealth of expertise is also becoming a burden, I thrive in teams where I have something offer, something to share and something to learn. However, the mentoring aspect is gaining more significance when I embark on projects.

Projects are however, short-term, longer term contracts probably require that one be ensconced in management. This calls for a radical career re-alignment assessment; am I ready for that? 

Muzzle the dogs

Recently, it appears, I am not doing well with jobs that are mundane, routine and easy-going or barely anticipate problems, not because I am not qualified, but because I first have to outrun the dogs to get to the main door.

Sometimes the dogs make so much of a raucous the man of the house is forced to come out to calm the commotion and see who is trying to get in. Alternatively, I might just get Pedigree Chum laced with sedative, feed it to the dogs and walk right up to the door.

This is where; Mighty Mix and the dog food offer might be better appreciated than it has been in Kenya.

Once that happens, well, it is another notch to my CV.