Not your typical pill take

 The nightly pill take

So, let me take my pills,
That holds at bay the ills,
When I once had the chills

Then I weep at peristalsis,
Probably in need of analysis,
Water in throat paralysis

And in a moment, it goes down,
Though with rice, I almost drown,
That I can’t even pull a frown

Many years these gems I swallow,
Just as sleep will soon follow,
Not that I want to wallow

But to take the very attitude,
In much great and deep gratitude,
The medicine keeps us renewed.

Beyond the fallacy of solitude

At one in two

Sometimes, I just want to be left alone, left to my own thoughts to be by myself. I know this desire is a difficult one especially when in a close relationship. It is a process of reconditioning and adaptation that is not easy but necessary when thinking and acting for two.

Your thoughts and moods are not as personal or private as they once were. Any apparent change in attitude, demeanour, or responsiveness is immediately noticed as you run a barrage of enquiries and questions as to how you feel or what might be wrong with you, with them, or between you both when there really is nothing the matter at all.

Unfortunately, there is never a satisfactory answer to the many questions to which there is an implicit demand for a suitable, adequate, and proper explanation, or it presents a vector of possible conflict. How do you explain when you just feel unperturbed and meh?

Solitude and expression

Then, I guess the concept of solitude is an often-misunderstood subject about individuality, the idea of space and the cultural dimensions that might pertain to it. My blog is both a public journal and a conservatory of thinking that frequently has too much read into what is written. Whereas its fundamental purpose is a forum to document and develop thoughts for possible discussion.

I fear that when my blog is read in this way, it would begin to arrest expression leading to self-censorship and the loss of an outlet for my own catharsis, that is something I would hate to happen on my blog. Its free format for expression and introspection is valuable and useful, retaining this space for it matters much.

Person and personable

Indeed, I am a social being, I love company, companionship, and my relationship, but not to the extent of feeling like one part of conjoined twins fused together at some part of our bodies. By nature, I am also introverted, I do not function well in crowds. Heck! I went to bed early leaving guests to my birthday celebration partying.

This is same person who appears to easily strike up conversations with strangers. There are many facets to personality and individuality, I can be a hermit easily forgoing any human intervention cooped up in my apartment for up to a week without it bothering me, it suits my temperament.

However, the joy, security, and stability of having someone to love, and lean on, is priceless. I cherish it, I honour it, I will continue to nurture it and build it into an enduring treasure of life, may it prosper and grow, I love you, Brian.

A rather surly place owner

Shit hot shit people

There are people quite talented in what they do and that is all they have to show. In business, they probably employ staff who are marshalled into a unit to perform with excellence on the force of the personality of one.

I walked into a restaurant this afternoon and saw one such boss, for she was not a leader, the banter between her and two of her staff was like an offcut of a Nollywood film, laden with abuse and invective, the staff progressively belittled that if it were a shrinking game, they would have been the size of ants in the space of a minute.

Suffering smiling staff

When I was noticed, I tried to put in an order and when it did not seem to be a big one, she became surly and truculent at the point of doing the same thing she did with her staff. That she then stopped addressing me directly even though she could face me, and she delivered her diatribe and belittlement through another of her staff.

All this because we were putting an order in for food even though we had bought foodstuff there the day before and had the pleasure of being served by friendlier staff. Rather than run the gauntlet of the nasty woman tomorrow, I went back this evening, thankfully long after she had left for the day and again found beautiful and helpful people to fulfil my order.

The staff saved that place of a nasty review, of the boss, no words, but the staff will perform better if they were treated better, with courtesy, respect, and dignity.

Thought Picnic: Attitude is a view on the heart

A visit to the heart

I have on occasion being given the opportunity to see the heart of people, a situation that presents itself very often for the good and for the bad. For instance, someone in need asks for something you cannot provide them and immediately they begin to curse and rail.

For such people, you think, if for that moment where you felt the world should revolve around you and it did not, maybe you could have considered that others have their own worlds that revolves uniquely according to situations and circumstances in their own lives which do not have to be answerable or accountable to yours.

Manage that attitude

Indeed, humanity brings us together and we need each other much as we need to be beside ourselves. People who may not have to share when you make demands on them does not mean they are unkind, uncaring, or inhumane, they may just not have to give at that time and they do not owe you a story or a reason why.

Then, we all have bad days, rejection, humiliation, or unfulfilled desire might have accumulated into a sense of despair that could end up being exhibited in unnecessary rottenness to other innocent parties. They may be understanding of your situation or just be quite put off. It just takes some consideration to walk a mile in the shoes of another, with that perspective some unforeseen opportunity might arise.

Defined by goodness

Pleasantness, thankfulness and gratitude are things I want to readily give regardless of whether I have benefited or not. There is something about attitude that can make people go the extra mile for you. I can remember some times when just because of the nice response or exchange, I have gone out of my way to meet a need, for out of the goodness in a person will flow goodness that engages and out of the rottenness in a person, they repulse and close the doors to the bowels of mercy.

Invariably, we are reflection of the kind of responses we give, as the responses, gladden or hurt others, we reap rewards and if still for the bad attitude we display, we still get goodness from others, I hope the eyes of our hearts will see that and be thankful for the fact that we have not been harshly judged when deserved. In all, let the good show towards our being better people.

Essential Snobbery 101: For your noise be couth

Like really?

“That is what you say to unruly teenagers, not to 36-year-old professionals.” She said, at the top of her voice. I had just alighted from the tram on my way home when what came to perturb my silent contemplation made me look towards the commotion.

The sight I beheld left me raising an eyebrow, accompanied by a snigger. She was in argumentation with two police officers, much of it quite disagreeable, as she sat on the embankment of the tram station on the side where the trams would come to stop, so she had to be moved on, but she was not budging one bit.

A raucous cacophony ensued as I minded my own business, but could not help but think about what she said and how much like an unruly teenager she was in attitude and definitely not a 36-year old professional in appearance or demeanour.

What a pity

It might well be that at another time in her somewhat vibrant life, she was a professional of sorts, a confrontation with the law then welled up the urge for a sense of self-importance in order not to be treated shabbily, though every indication pointed towards a shamefaced humiliation.

She had, with her demonstration, brought a public audience to her pending predicament, and there is no doubt that every pretension to being a lady had been lost to the vociferous outbursts that were quite unbecoming.

The moral of the tale is, never make noise when your cause is not in the quest for justice but in the folly of notoriety and the unnecessary charge of disturbing the peace. Little doth it take to respect thyself, or none of it shall ye get.

Quite eccentric and borderline crazy

Traits on the strange

There is a trait I can find so useful and at the same time quite debilitating, beyond seeing, I have a tendency to observe to the point of obsession, my senses are somewhat attuned to a low-spectrum autistic level that I could combine pedantry with facetiousness without thinking of how burdensomely boring or silly it might appear to others.

On the other side of this, I might see things in a particular way, either rightly or wrongly and fail to persuaded of another perspective, which sometimes means I will rather keep my counsel than give an opinion. The worst part of this trait is when I am quick to react to things I should have been slow at deciding on and slow to react to things I should have been quicker to react to.

I embrace this all as part of my humanity, the successes and the regrets whilst trying as much as I can to improve myself.

Noticing the errors in notices

On my visit to Yorkshire two weekends ago, we stopped over in Leeds before spending the night in York, I saw things I could not ignore. I have a penchant for reading notices, plaques, signs, instructions and much else.

Not that I read to find fault, but where there is fault and you will find a lot of that on my blogs because I rarely proofread my drafts before posting and only get to correct errors in grammar and construction much later, but where I find fault, as I was saying, I cannot seem to ignore them.

In the Leeds Corn Exchange, I found the toilets in the basement just as my bladder was indicating it needed emptying. Having done the business and washing my hands, I was drying my hands when I looked up and saw the notice that seemed to start off well. [Wikipedia]

The Oxford comma and after that it all went downhill from there, normally hyphenated words missing the hyphen, American spelling, phonetical spelling, personalisation and number agreement errors. Three sentences on a notice and these many problems?

Assemble on Assembly Street

The Leeds Corn Exchange is a magnificent Victoria building, we were quite taken by the ornate design of the ceiling and obviously, for modern times there are health and safety regulations to adhere to. [LCE Website]

On the landing of the upper floor, having been through some of the shops, not too far from the vintage camera store, there was a Fire Action notice which anyone should take seriously in the event of a fire. Somehow, this notice looked funny and almost like a joke because the assembly point if we were to evacuate the building was Assembly Street.

On first reading, one would really have thought they got it wrong, however, there really is an Assembly Street in Leeds and don’t mess about if you are caught in an emergency just because the designated assembly point looks unusually funny or strange. I also hate to report that stranger things and crimes have happened on that street too. A woman was raped there in June. [Yorkshire Evening Post]

Teasing shower nipples

Now, onto one of the more bizarre traits I have. The bathroom of our not-so-well-appointed room at the Royal York Hotel had what you might call a rainfall showerhead.

A stationary ceiling fixture that apparently rains on you with controls on the wall for flow rate and temperature. However, this also had rubber teats extending from the metal surface that was supposed to distribute the rain shower evenly.

Yet, as with many shower heads with rubber teats, I cannot help but look at the flow and in that identify which teats are not working or distributing water out of alignment with the general flow because of blockages, usually limescale.

Then I pinch those shower head teats which seems to free them of blockages until all the teats were working. I somehow cannot stand the sight of the water flowing out of the teat out of alignment without doing something to fix it.

You can call that finicky or pernickety, but I end up with a good rain shower and it also shows that no matter who well things seem to be cleaned up, some things are just not up the standard expected. In this case, the showerhead, and to someone with my kind of fixation, well …

Essential Snobbery 101: On good manners and seats

Well brought up

I grew up in a different time, or rather, I was brought up differently, and I am constantly met with the shock of contemporary attitudes and behaviour that the worldview I inhabit finds quite grating.

The reason why the different time matters is almost irrelevant, because I see people of my age behave in ways that leave much to be desired, so it must be the different way that is more significant.

I do not believe that certain things should become old-fashioned, be consigned to conservativeness and passed off as traditional values. Self-awareness and consideration of others still matter a great deal; besides the fact that manners should never be negotiable, they must be acquired at all costs and deployed at every opportunity.

Give up your seat

Yet today, as I sat on the train, an elderly lady boarded the train at the next stop carrying some luggage; it did not appear she was helped on, and there was no place for her to sit.

Even though I use a cane, I could not watch her standing, holding on for dear life as the train began to move. The many able-bodied people around us remained decidedly oblivious of her out of ignorance, the absence of breeding or sheer selfishness.

I got up and gave her my seat, which is what any well-taught person is supposed to do, at least, in the different way I was brought up. It was another two stops, some 20 minutes later, before a seat became vacant for me to sit down.

Make all allowances

Meanwhile, further along the carriage, there was a heavily pregnant woman who, in another time, would have been ushered to take a seat somewhere in the carriage. Someone would have initiated the move and asked another to give up their seat. The person giving up their seat, seeing the condition of the woman, would have happily obliged.

However, this appears to belong to a bygone age, people rush for priority seats, literally tripping up less able people in their race to be comfortable at the expense of seemingly more deserving people, and they hardly ever care when reminded of the fact that the notices do state an incontrovertible fact.

On good manners

Ladies are surprised when I take off my hat to chat to them, some might even take offence if you open the door for them or if you ascribe to the chivalry of ‘Ladies first’. Other bad habits like coughing and yawning without covering your mouth, eating on the street, elbows on the table – the list is endless, make one think we have become a global village of the uncouth and uncultured with air, grace, comportment or finesse.

Rough on all edges that we rub people up the wrong way, quite an appalling reflection on society today. It is not like one wants to rewrite Debrett’s guide on manners, etiquette, protocol, address or dress, but some things are just so, so as to really separate us from the wildness and chaos of the animal kingdom.

As I disembarked at my station, the elderly lady acknowledged me and mouthed a thank you. I tipped my head and smiled. We both knew there was a world we once knew that was fast disappearing from our present-day experiences.

I am saddened writing this, but we have attained, with the absence of certain aspects of social schooling, a level of inconsiderate selfishness where manners are the exception rather than the rule. A shame indeed.

Essential Snobbery 101: Anticipated Consideration

A window on our world

This morning, as I got on the train to work, I was offered a view on society that had brought expectations and personality into focus.

Expectations of others and the personality of people, both of myself and the other person involved in the incident. It got me thinking about how things are changing and why some things have come to stay.

Feet off

The schoolboy who could be no more than 12 years old was sitting on a 3-seater, his bag and classical musical instrument case occupying the whole space, and then he had his shod feet on the seat in front of him.

Nothing particularly annoys me as much as people who put their feet on seats, especially where there are clear signs that feet should not be put on seats. Besides, even if they do take their feet off the seats, it is not like they make an effort to clean off the dirt they might have put on those seats.

So, I motioned with my cane and intensified that with a scowl for him to take his feet off the seat. I brushed it off and took my seat. Hardly a minute after that, he decided it was too much for him, so he moved to another seat in the train carriage.

As he settled in that seat, I said to him, putting his feet on the seat was anti-social behaviour, and it was important that he knew that, even if he did not like the fact that it was being pointed out to him.

Anticipated consideration

Yet, in that little encounter was a whole set of narratives. A public school-educated boy who had exercised a sense of entitlement in a public space without what I might call ‘anticipated consideration’ and, when challenged, expressed rebellious dissent by moving away.

Anticipated consideration is when, as in this case, you know that you do not put your feet on seats others might want to use, and you do not occupy more seats than you have paid to occupy, especially when the train or vehicle is still at a major boarding port, like a terminal train station. It is having consideration for others long before it is demanded of you to consider and adjust.

Rebellious dissent, however, is the case where, rather than acknowledge that you are wrong with contriteness and apology, you take evasive action to avoid proximity with the challenger of your behaviour.

The fear of challenge

I dare say, we now live in a society where, sadly, many young people will not brook any scolding or correction, and those who dare challenge bad behaviour run the risk of coming to harm by such people lashing out in aggravated resentment. We have a delicate balance to manage between wanting right and yet being fearful of demanding things be done right.

The question is, if as a society we, for the fear of retribution, maintain silence rather than challenge anti-social behaviour, what kind of society will we have?

The other nuanced narrative is in assumptions and appearances, as this young man was a day student at a public school in Hale, there are general expectations of behaviour and conduct. Whilst entitlement is drilled into their psyche, comportment has a particular importance because it moderates behaviour in polite society and defines the quality of integrity, which is what you do when nobody is watching.

Maybe I was a bit harsh

Much as I would like to explore this further, it is best left for now, because it will reflect on not just the school, but on the parenting too. Suffice it to say that having a classical instrument case does not necessarily suggest one has class or has been schooled in the decorum that pertains to performing for sophisticated audiences.

On my part, I thought about my attitude to anticipated consideration and my acceptance of the inconvenience of rebuke when I have been wrong, and I might have been a tad sterner with the schoolboy because he could easily have been one of my youngest sons.

When I was his age, I would never have done what he did, and surely, as another black man, yes, we shared the same racial profile, we are a lot better behaved than this, especially if we have the benefit of a privileged education.

Thought Picnic: A person I know

A foible I perceive

I try to contain my obsession and pedantry, sometimes with limited success. There is something about disorder that leaves me discomfited.

That is not to say that I am the neatest person around, yet, I do love neatness, arrangements or just patterns.

It probably started with numbers; codes, phone numbers, things like that. I always seem to find some relationship between the numbers that aids in recalling the number rarely as an ordered list, but more as how the relationships between the numbers allow for that order of numbers to exist.

An error I notice

Besides this, I tend to know when things seem to be out of place, a word spelt wrong, a portrait hung badly, contexts lost and much else. Somehow, that does not seem to apply to the first draft of my blogs until I go back to read them after publication.

This morning, I was literally driven to distraction when I noticed that the time on the clock for Madrid was the same as for Manchester – that ought not to be so, Madrid is an hour ahead.

Unfortunately, I could not get to speak to the office manager to correct the error, nothing is as upsetting as to keep the wrong time, I could be so put out by that.

A pattern I deduce

Maybe where the obsession gets the better of me was where the carpets in the hallway and stairwell of my apartment block were changed recently.

Someone chose to order a patterned carpet; rectangles of different sizes and with that came the need, my need, to determine the repeated frame of patterns on the carpet.

I knew eventually I was going to find out because I needed to know what order informed the design. When I did, it was strange to realise that the carpet had a repetitive pattern that took in 10 rectangles lengthwise and 8 rectangles breadthwise before the pattern was repeated.

What a sense of satisfaction I had on discovering that, it meant I did not have to be obsessed with the patterns on the carpet and I could still easily scope out the pattern of repetition.

An obsession I accept

It is probably a form of low spectrum autism that leaves me a bit vulnerable to supposing things are wrong when they are right just because what I expect to see is not what I have observed.

Over time, I have tried to moderate this doggedness to accommodate possibilities I have not yet assessed or discovered. It has also meant that in some situations, even when I am right I have held my counsel just to be sure that I have seen all angles to that situation before offering an opinion.

Whilst I have been called a perfectionist by some, I doubt I am anywhere near that, I’ll just say that sometimes I am compelled to be particular, and when I look at things from that perspective, I am probably alright. Yet, there is still much to learn and I am all eyes and ears for that too.

Thought Picnic: Impatience is a mind-set

They must go

Impatience has to be a mind-set, a determination not to wait or give way, a selfish disposition to get into things without consideration or thoughtfulness presenting some sort of euphoria for gaining the upper hand.

I find this attitude demonstrated the most in public places when a person is part of communal setting jumbled together by situation or circumstance, in queues or on the street.

Unacceptable acts

Queue-jumping is something I cannot tolerate, especially if I am in that queue, allowances can be made for extraordinary circumstances, but I would not yield for anyone because they imagine they have two heads, ten legs and have some title from some other worldly royalty.

One might notice humility and give way, but haughtiness is asking for trouble that includes excoriation, ridicule and condemnation, belittlement would follow with derisive wit, and that might not be the end of it.

Scoot the maniac

A man on a mobility scooter whizzed past me as I left the shops this afternoon, and as he got to the pedestrian traffic lights, he did not wait for the lights to turn before he throttled across the road. Now, the road was clear, however, his action was enough to raise an eyebrow.

In the central reservation, of the dual-carriageway we were crossing, we waited, he forgetting to push the hail button to activate the traffic lights system to give pedestrians priority. I did that.

But just as the lights turned for the cars to move, our mobility scooter friend scooted onto the road and barely made it to the second lane, holding up traffic as two cars that were not expecting a crossing whizzed past.

Third car just about caught a glimpse of him and applied the brakes before his made for the pavement completely oblivious of the mishap or demise he had inadvertently planned for in what seemed like a very sunny day for a suicide mission.

Incredulity and amazement

I shook my head, in fact, everyone shook their heads, be they standing or in a vehicle, the unspoken thought going through our minds wondering about the madness, the urgency, the nonchalance, the carelessness and the indifference, all a demonstration of impatience.

One can only wonder why that man was on a mobility scooter and whether it was by reason of the stupidity of impatience and if so, he has not learnt any lessons.

There is a saying in Yoruba that I have crudely translated to English, and it goes – No matter how fast you go, you are not going beyond your destination and those who are slow on their journeys would eventually get there.

I make time for things, I hate rushing to places, I would step out of the way if I must and honestly, patience in many things keeps you out of avoidable situations, preventable accidents and unnecessary arguments.

Impatience is a mind-set, but the better mind-set and virtue to have is patience.

The UK: Child Sexual Abuse in Nigerian Communities

From Facebook to blog

This blog started from my getting involved in a commenting on a status on Facebook, a news story about an evangelical minister who had been charged with sexual offences [1].

As the story goes, the “man of God” had sexually assaulted a child under 16 and is to appear in court next week.

There are many strands to this story many of which can so easily distract from the core issue; the community is Nigerian, the sexual assault leans towards homosexuality and it is a fundamental Christianity setting.

A distraction from the issue

The first comment had already seized on homosexuality and the all too rampant homophobia prevalent in that community even though it was situated in the England rather than back home in Nigeria.

In what always appears to be the religious race to “I am holier than thou” the virulent had taken front stage to condemn homosexuals with the starkest terms and began to compare them with convicted murders and the comments veered between moderated and extremis without the hope of agreement which called for a basic religious lesion.

A comment that suggested that what seems to pass for Christianity today is more like what Jesus Christ railed against in religious leaders of his time on earth, the Pharisees, the Sadducees and scribes.

The comment when on saying, God had dealt with rather interesting people in the bible as Rahab, Samson, David, the woman at the well with Jesus, Mary Magdalene, the lady caught in adultery, the church in Corinth to name a few.

Surprisingly, it is in the letters to the Corinthians that we are taught about love and spiritual gifts - I think that would do for our Sunday lesson.

Now, this is not written for purposes of biblical instruction but those who are informed would very well understand that context being created of sexual weaknesses not necessarily precluding the actors from interaction with the grace and mercy of God.

Open minds or open heads?

However, when another comment was posted with the postscript, “we all need to keep an open mind and be vigilant and teach our children about being safe”, it was apparently misunderstood and it gave rise to the comment that followed which I have fleshed out for a blog.

Now, this really gets my goat, the comment about keeping an open mind is that way of pussy-footing around a rather serious and dare I say endemic problem in our Nigerian communities.

We had already gotten distracted with the homosexuality bogeyman like hounds after a kill, someone I had fallen for until the reality slap hit straight in the face - Thanks! :)

The fact that a church leader is involved is hardly the issue now, it is that no one wants to broach and attack the issue of child sexual abuse head-on because of the stigma and social issues that accompany the matter.

Societal attitudes to child sexual abuse

We all adopt a hush-hush attitude to it and I can imagine that it would have taken more than a mountain of courage and daring for the child abused to have come forward with the accusation, then for him/her to be believed by anyone who could act on it and then to surmount the blinding stupidity that puts elders or "men of God" beyond error.

Somehow, I would want to believe that the fact that this happened in London might have helped expose the assault, it is very unlikely this would have found any public forum in Nigeria itself, though Nigerian communities abroad can have a tendency to be insular, closed and not very integrated on social or sexuality matters.

Too many times the abused child would face ostracism, condemnation and more abuse as the elders concerned try to “settle” the issue and hope it would go away - the child receiving neither help nor support twice raped by the abusers and the people they are supposed to trust as protectors.

The failings of our traditions

The patriarchal society we come from defers to elders on all issues with the idea that all wisdom and all truth flows downwards and none of what they say can be contradicted. What makes for keeping the peace and structure within the community allows for outrageous abuse to go unquestioned and ignored by many who should know better but are numbed by societal norms.

My comment had gotten so long that I had to exercise a modicum of restraint with my outrage and annoyance by saying, “Don't get me going, I was taught the amazing "joys" of sex from the ripe old age of 7 - yes, I will keep an open mind, if I can crack open the heads of the abusers”.

[How do you hiss and kiss your teeth in words? I have done that a thousand times already.]

We have to come out of the nonsense that we call our tradition; the inability to openly, seriously and honestly challenge and condemn child sexual abuse in our so moral, religious and respectful communities.

As I was writing this blog, a comment was posted that the context of “open mind” referred to believing the children who had been abused; I probably had flown off the handle but the open mind hardly begins to manage the situation and damage to children who have been abused sexually – in my view, it is in the right direction but still one of the weakest of responses to what is more serious than we dare to accept.

Sources

[1] Evangelical pastor charged with sex offences - Channel 4 News

Blogging for my own pleasure

I am the harbour master

I have a seventh floor apartment overlooking two old harbours with amazing views at sunrise, idyllic views at full moon and have once seen two rainbows side-by-side over the water.

People can visit and be wowed by the views, it gives me a sense of satisfaction that I employed real estate agent who took instructions and did her job with excellence and dispatch.

My castle, my rules

I control access to my apartment with a door which I can fling open to invited guests and a few times to strangers, that is my prerogative.

In my apartment, anyone who comes in with soiled shoes can be asked to leave, if I so desire, I can also insist that they take their shoes off expecting no truculence at that request.

I would in many ways offer to entertain, communicate, play games and socialise, such that my guests feel at home, at ease, at peace and in comfort – that is my pleasure.

Worst than armed robbers

If an argument ensues between my guests, I expect that they reckon that they are in my space and courtesy demands that they handle it with maturity that does not mire the atmosphere of friendship and comfort that others enjoy.

One would consider it utterly disrespectful if in they fail to realise that fact and refuse to respond to my entreaties – I can offer to politely walk them out of my apartment and return to apologise to other guests ensuing that that exchange does not become the highlight of their visit.

Basically, one should not be strong-armed in ones apartment, those who do are no better than armed robbers, if not worse if they are known to you.

My dirt don’t take dirt

There might be dust on my television and my windows might appear dirty, I have allowed that to happen for many reasons – I am lazy; I cannot be bothered; I have good intentions but have no time; my cleaner has not realised it should be done and probably more.

If that condition is observed, you are welcome to pick up a duster or cleaning rag to clean it up, I would be most grateful and appreciative – I would brook no criticism about the condition of my house – I might take some ribbing in jest, that might be good humour, but I would not be talked down to, regarding those matters.

When, I entertain guests, they are free in my house and if they are staying, they are welcome to my home – like they say, an Englishman’s home is his castle.

My blog – my Internet castle

So, are my blog and the blogs that anyone cares to visit – the way in which people use the commenting license to behave as uncultured, uncouth and misbehaving guests is becoming a matter of concern with blogs of friends.

Each person’s blog is their fiefdom, their open access to un-moderated commentary should not be used to behave like drunken, ill-mannered miscreants – knowledgeable and intelligent people comment and dispute on the ideas without abusing the personality.

I once commented somewhere that if the contributor cannot praise, they should attempt to damn with praise, else say nothing.

Use your own toilet

In the end, if the blog is not yours, it is the best of good manners to portray yourself with maturity, dignity and honour – virtues I hope exist in copious amounts in all mankind – if less, well, we should not begin to touch the manner of your breeding or upbringing – that would be getting too truthfully personal.