Though Picnic: I could have died out of foolishness

I’m done with this

Just about 10 years ago, after an expletive laden meeting where my manager displayed a level of unreasonableness I had never ever encountered in all my working life, I decided I was done with that job.

I walked out of that meeting and put myself on the job market, within a week I had an offer and I submitted my resignation letter.

To spite me, he said, he was expecting my resignation and that anyone could do my job, with that he started a campaign of undermining me and frustrating my efforts at a smooth exit. It took writing a letter to the senior management to get him off my back and stop his calumnious activity.

Why this stress?

I loved my job but I could not work under the circumstances I was made to work, especially by the time we got to that rotten meeting. Of all the managers I have ever worked for in my 28-year career, he takes the prize for the worst ever sociopathic person I ever had to call a manager, I have avoided every prospect of ever meeting him again since I walked out of that job.

However, before I got to write that letter to senior management, I found myself under pressure, extremely stressed, having sleepless nights and seemingly out of control of the situation.

Wake up to reality

I came to myself one day wondering how it could be that I was moving on to another job, about to return to school for a postgraduate degree, just returned from a two-week holiday and yet be at a point where my health was threatened by conditions at work. It was so bad that I took a week off sick just trying to get it together.

That situation was unnecessary, untenable and unreasonable, it was the point where I decided no job was worth dying for and that if I could not control the circumstances in which I found myself, the very least I could do for my sanity was to leave.

Sadly for Komla Dumor

Which brings me to the very sad story of the passing of Komla Dumor in January 2014. I have for long wanted to write about this, but felt the issue was almost too raw to tackle at that time, I did however post some tweets on the broader issue of personal welfare at work.

Komla Dumor was a distinguished, accomplished journalist and presenter who worked for the BBC, it was always a pleasure to watch the programmes he anchored. A few days ago, a friend on Twitter remembered him, and opined that he would have been packing his bags to travel to Brazil to cover the World Cup, alas, that was not to be.

BBC World News – Focus on Africa - Komla Dumor profile

An unfortunate backstory

A few days after his death from a cardiac arrest at the age of 41, some stories emerged about the stress and the racism Komla suffered at the BBC. Worse still were the palpable warning signs his body was giving him that he apparently put to one side until it culminated in his death.

The New Statesman - Did stress and racism at BBC push Komla over?

Ever the professional, Komla did not once show the problems he was having as he appeared on television, yet this issue was eating away at his very being that it is rather unfortunate that he never got to walk away from it, for his health, his welfare and his well-being.

What the story in The New Statesman revealed was that Komla Dumor collapsed in a BBC studio and almost suffered a stroke 7 months before his death, which should have been the loudest ringing alarm bells to him to slow down, to rethink, to review, to reconsider or probably to resign.

The situation and warning signs

In a message he purportedly sent to a friend, he wrote of his high blood pressure, long hours at work; especially for a man with a young family, he was exhausted, aching, mentally and emotionally drained and all this seemed to be related to – ‘having “to endure lots of jealousy driven vicious insults, backstabbing from petty people” at the BBC.’

How did Komla Dumor deal with this? In his own words, “I kept going, I smiled for the camera, I volunteered for extra shifts, I showed respect to my colleagues from directors to the security guards … I remain silent in my personal strife and misery. I kept smiling and pushing on to present better and to engage with my audience and increase my following, long days and frustrating times, but I kept going.”

Only one thing is evident from that last two paragraphs, this job was killing him and what did he do? He threw himself more into it hoping it would fight for his validation, his respect, his survival, his recognition and more.

At what cost?

There is no doubt that his boss, the head of television recognised what a star performer Komla Dumor was, as “he said Komla we have decided to make you the anchor presenter for our coverage of the World Cup in Brazil.” That was not to be, Komla died in January, and the World Cup starts in 4 days’ time.

Maybe for not talking about what he was experiencing, he never got the therapy and needed support necessary to stabilise his health and save his life.

The salutary lesson is best left unspoken, to have to write of the death of someone younger, but there is much to learn from this about any situation with regards to what fights you should fight and the ones you should walk away from, not out of cowardice or weakness but out of knowing exactly what your body is saying to you and for self-preservation.

Beyond this, is not ignoring the symptoms, the circumstances and the burdens that accompany the dynamics at work where your health could be at risk. The fear of loss of status and livelihood when the loss of health and possibly the loss of life is impending is one to face boldly, for with life and health is the hope to face another day and challenge.

I was a fool

I look back at my own situation just five years ago too when for a year of observation from the chef de reception where I went for holidays in Gran Canaria, he noticed that it appeared my health was failing, yet I ignored all the issues, bounding along as if I had no care in the world.

I was more tired, sometimes particularly weak whilst the blotches that appeared on the soles of my feet, I dismissed as athlete’s foot that never healed. I then had shingles and soon that disappeared without any long-term postherpetic neuralgia, I hoped for a miracle cure that never came before I succumbed to the last resort of medicine, a resort that I should have taken probably over 12 months before. By the way, Javier, the chef de reception, predeceased me and he was younger.

I was dying

When I was finally diagnosed, I had just 5 weeks to live, if I did not respond to treatment. It was a kind of foolishness that was part of my cultural exposure in Nigeria where we never talked about how we felt whilst we prayed fervently visiting faith healers hoping for instant Shamanist cures after some ritual of the mind and the body – I could have died, it was that close.

Blog - A primer on cancer and chemotherapy – Explaining my diagnosis and treatment

In the process, I lost everything I hoped to keep through not addressing an existential health issue; my status, my job, my home of 10 years, my viability for the market, things I had acquired over 20 years given away without any return of value, it took me rock bottom, but I still had my life and my hopes.

Well…

It has been difficult, but the experience has become a story, one told in many blogs, and whilst I would never want to relive the experience, I do not regret that what I have learnt would probably make me a better man.

Do not play with your health, and no job is worth losing your health or your life for.

Thought Picnic: A menacing annoyance of mobile phone abuse

Landing the mobile

I have no problems with people who need to keep in contact with family, friend, colleague, partner or whatever form of relationship defines the need to communicate.

The ubiquity of the mobile phone has offered opportunities once not possible a few decades ago.

Though, then, you probably made conversation in private, out of earshot in a room, a phone booth or an office.

I however still have the mindset of needing to take mobile phone calls undistracted.

Presence of thought

If away from home, I would find a place to sit down to chat. On the very rare situations where I take calls without sitting down, I would most likely be taking directions on how to get to some place.

What I find so irksome is people who do not realise how distracting taking a call on the street can be.

It is almost impossible to given equal attention to a telephone conversation and your surroundings.

Driving to distraction

Studies have shown that concentration is impaired by the distraction of a mobile phone call which can be dangerous for essential reaction when driving but also dangerous for being unaware of ones surroundings.

Wikipedia - Mobile phones and driving safety

Forbes - Science Proves That Cell Phones Are Annoying and Distracting

Yet people do fool themselves into thinking they are in control when clearly from observation they are not.

They are slower to react, slower walking, usually don’t walk in a straight line, more expectant of others not to bump into them as they walk along being carried by the flow of the crowd.

Vexed by texting

There are times I have scolded some to put away their phones as the try to mount stairs, get on escalators or board vehicles.

Those who send SMS messages are worse as they tap or scribble away on their devices ensconced in that world and completely oblivious of others.

A menace indeed

They are a public menace beyond mere annoyance consumed with a yearning that lacks restraint as the moment lost in having consideration of others is an eternity lost forever.

Indeed some things need urgent attention but not at the expense of being controlled, ordered and particularly considerate.

That is what I look for in people without having to demand they recognise where they are.

The accordion principle of project management

The bellow of the bellows

I have always been fascinated by the music of the accordion, the player playing the treble piano side and the pressing the bass buttons to something that sounds more like folk music than anything else.

More so, the player moves the concertina bellows, something rhythmically whilst playing keys and buttons all learnt by practice because they do not have sight of keys or buttons as they play.

Yet, I have found use for the accordion not so much to play music but in expressing the fear of being squeezed in the concertina folds of a project because other elements of time, resource and cost have not been properly managed and I am pressured to deliver to atrociously contrived ends.

The project squeeze

The project manager decides what music they want to play, the rhythm, the tempo and that is how listeners might get entertained or even dare to dance.

Some projects managers however do play such dastardly music that not only would people cover their ears, they might instead pick up stones to pelt the accordionist.

We the project resources who fall between the bass and treble ends of the accordion are squeezed until our pips squeak if we do not react, respond, advice and escalate when we need to, to ensure we are not completely crushed and carrying the blame for a badly run project.

Play that funky music

I love good music and what document as much as I can is evidence of where I have striven not be part of the bellows to help in deciding how the music is played, to whose hearing and for what purpose.

In the end, as much as the project manager, I want to be involved into making good music too, that is how the discussion went earlier today, whether good music would result is anyone’s guess, but in the cacophony that ensued, maybe some silence is what we need to retune the accordion and try a different tune.

That is the accordion principle of project management.

Thought Picnic: Fighting slumber

Slow and low

Before it becomes drudgery feeding on an atmosphere of boredom and vacantness one must find opportunities for the eventful.

Yet, excitement is not an easy thing to come by, the result of which is a day that grinds slowly on as seconds pass like minutes and minutes chime away like the hour when the cuckoos pops out to say hello.

Blow no flow

The minimal cranial activity signals something else, a relapse into the depths of soporific stupor, but one is not where the desire can be given space.

The nod must only be offered in conversation and never as a loss of control of the neck muscles.

You fight the urge as fingers on your keyboard begin to type out a script in a language yet to be understood.

Glow to grow

Oh! For the tonic to stir but to stir to what apart from being more alert to inactivity?

Then strength returns with the will as the journey home begins. Rest is needful and the hope is to be fully rested for another day.

Thought Picnic: Working to get to who we are and loving it

Accepting our humanity

Aspects of self-development require accepting the totality of who we are by appreciating we are human first and from that great potential abounds.

Yet we go through times of personal turmoil racked with the burden of guilt leading to condemnation.

It is a long journey of realisation beyond the regrets and self-flagellation to reach a point where you will not condemn yourself in the things you have allowed.

Allowances for foolishness

We allow many things to be and cannot live on trying to undo the silly, foolish, stupid and sometimes reprehensible things we practice, entertain, endure or tolerate.

Being creatures of habit, some habits die hard, but if we refuse to be defined by our weaknesses we can also work to ensure we are not defiled by our strengths too.

To get contentment

We grow to accommodate who we are as able and capable of changes we desire whilst being cognisant of the things we cannot change for the lack of will, drive or strength.

If we call on a greater power to help us become different, the question then arises about whether we have reached the peace of contentment or are still striving for something that takes away from our happiness.

Thought Picnic: In praise of high heeled jinks

And I cried

I am not a great fan of reality television and the rapid descent from the real celebration of talent to just feeding our innate voyeuristic proclivities has made this type of entertainment the staple of mass broadcasting.

However, every once in a while, these talent shows, one of which is Britain’s Got Talent does reveal a piece of common coal about to metamorphose into a glittering diamond.

Usually, someone sends me a link to a YouTube video and as I watch, tears come to my eyes as amazingly raw talent without any polishing is revealed in a gift to humankind that we can only appreciate and celebrate.

Even watching Paul Potts [YouTube, he won in 2007] or Susan Boyle [YouTube, she came second in 2009] today still fills me with emotion, as you see the yearning to be recognised and acknowledged earnestly demonstrated, time and again, your faith in humanity is renewed. The very best are usually not the pushy, notorious, gregarious or extrovert ones.

Men doing girlie better

Yesterday, I got to see one of those gems of talent, some French guys came to England, Yanis Marshall, Arnaud and Mehdi, Yanis being the lead dancer and choreographer, they join the ranks of men who would supposedly beat the other gender at what they are supposed to be good at.

As I was busy getting over the spectre of Conchita Wurst [YouTube] who won the Eurovision Singing Contest 2014, bearded with a body any woman would die for, the voice of an angel and the dress … it just takes your breath away, these men were dancing in high heels, I would wager that they would beat Beyonce in any dancing matchup.

Having seen Beyonce dance in high heels and wondered out loud how anyone could do that, these guys have perfected the art to the point that Yanis Marshall gives choreography lessons around Europe.

After watching their performance on YouTube, I did not cry but I might be off to a cobbler to get me a pair of high heeled shoes. This was not drag, this was cheeky and camp elegance with a touch of professionalism – this has taken them into the final.

I wish them good luck, besides, I guess everyone secretly wants to dance in high heels like that. Enjoy their first performance and how they got to the final.

Opinion: This violent denigration and murder of girls and women must stop

Sudan: Merian Ibrahim – Apostasy & Adultery

The week ended with some good news for women, Meriam Ibrahim of Sudan who was sentenced to death for apostasy and 100 lashes for the additional charge of adultery for contracting an ‘illegal’ marriage to a Christian is to be released. [BBC News]

If not for the fact that she was with child and about to be put to bed, if is very likely that the political expediency of Sharia law might have exacted the judgement on the woman. Yet, they were ready to punish the lady as soon as her child was weaned.

In the 21^st Century, the state must never have any influence on what an adult chooses to believe, the idea that religious beliefs should be viewed as congenital; that is, passed down from parent to child with the child not having any option to rethink, to reason, to question or to abandon the faith of their ancestors and adopt new experiences and faiths when they reach adulthood is utterly anachronistic and archaic.

Religious politics

The politicisation of religion and the conflation of traditions and beliefs into a bizarre culture underpinned by unacceptable moral laws that denigrates and violates the human rights of the child, our womenfolk, the poor and the deprived of power and opportunity is sometimes used by a Machiavellian elite to oppress and subdue, whilst those same laws rarely apply to the ruling class.

There is every reason for every free and liberated human being to join voices to ensure that the last vestiges of these rotten abuses of human rights are expunged from the statute books of every state that subscribes to blasphemy, apostasy and lèse majesté laws.

Pakistan: Farzana Parveen – Abduction and ‘Honour Killing’

Then in Pakistan, Farzana Parveen was bludgeoned to death by her own family members that included her father, in front of a Pakistan court, in public and with the police allegedly standing by as disinterested onlookers. [BBC News]

That Farzana at 25 had to go to court at all is unbelievably atrocious, she was appearing with her husband to fight her family’s claim that she had been abducted and had entered into a marriage against their wishes.

It makes you wonder when, if ever, women do reach adulthood and a status of independent means and personal responsibility in Pakistan.

A dereliction of duty

Yet, the courts were ready to hear this case, and knowing how volatile such issues are, the system failed to provide the necessary security and essential safeguards  to keep the warring factions apart whilst guaranteeing a modicum of safety for the defendant who was under duress from the law to defend herself.

Too many questions arise about the unfortunate culpability of the court, the presence of such laws in Pakistan’s criminal justice system, the indifference of the police who probably ascribe to the untenable culture of egregious abuse of women in incomprehensibly dishonourable crimes labelled ‘honour killings’.

There is absolutely no honour in the abuse of women, the imposition of marital duress on women against their wishes or the killing of such women that decide to disregard the wishes of others as they pursue their own happiness.

Do women have any rights?

The happiness of relations cannot automatically be the happiness of an individual and any system, law, tradition, culture or view that trammels the pursuit of personal happiness as a fundamental human right must be excoriated and dragged with all possible force into civilisation.

The fallout of this heinous public murder committed with impunity, was exacerbated by another revelation from Farzana Parveen’s husband who alleges he killed his first wife in order to fulfil his affections for Farzana. It makes you wonder whether women in Pakistan are only allowed to draw breath at the mercy of ‘greater’ men for whom they exist to give pleasure or be disposed of.

Where girls threaten a rotten patriarchal system

Surely, this should not be the case for a country that gave us the whirlwind political force of Benazir Bhutto, who I dare say was also disposed of by the Taliban patriarchy in 2007 and with us in England is Malala Yousafzai who the Taliban were ready to dispense of because she clamoured for the right for the education of girls. She was only 14 when they shot her.

These stories are however the ones that made the headlines, there is no telling how many more heinous crimes are committed against minorities in Pakistan’s legal terms and elsewhere without any intervention of the law for justice and the sad acquiescence of the system in supporting perpetrators of these abuses.

The spotlight is on religion, women rights and countries where human beings like us are treated as less than human with no respect for their person, their space, their ideas, their decisions, their happiness or their lives.

India: Gang rape and murder

Boys will be boys, some would say about some events in India that seems to have linked feral sexual appetite with a level of sadistic psychopathy that defies explanation. [BBC News]

Not only were the girls gang-raped by beasts in human skin, they were murdered and left hanging after the rapists had had their evil way with them.

Whenever the perpetrators of this rotten crime are caught as they should be, there is no punishment that can full atone for what they did, however, we should be in no doubt, these people are beyond rehabilitation and they do not belong in the openness of any society.

Unaffected establishment

What compounds this latest in a litany of gang rapes in India [7 publicised since December 2012] is the fact that the authorities are almost unconcerned and politicians seem to handle the matter with such levity that baffles the mind. They seem to be so disconnected from the realities of the victims as to be lacking in empathy and bereft of sympathy.

These gang rapes have become an inconvenience rather registering as a crime wave that needs to be checked and handled with the severity of the law and compassionate humanity.

In a land rich with cultural history that has produced remarkable world leaders like Mahatma Gandhi and most especially, Indira Gandhi, whilst many have sexual needs, it needs to be clear that sexual favours should only ever be acquired with consent, where that is not the case, the perpetrators are no better than animals and one is minded that those rapists be put down like dogs.

Nigeria: Pricing the woman

Back in Africa, we arrive in Nigeria where having enjoyed the humour of the Bride Price App we must see a more serious point to the issue. Beyond the sexism and the objectification of womenfolk when about to contract a marriage, we see the commodification of women when attributes, achievements and looks are the fundamental factors deciding the bride price above the personhood and humanity of the woman.

We are all to a greater or lesser extent affected even if subliminally by this mindset and it is time for us to review our motives and objectives when we are to address these issues.

Blog - Nigeria: Some Truths About The Bride Price App

Nigeria: #BringBackOurGirls – Day 48

48 days since the 14^th of April, 2014 and we are still crying out #BringBackOurGirls with a development that has included the capture of Hassan Ali, a Boko Haram leader; we learnt from him that he had already married two of the abducted Chibok girls. [Leadership Newspapers]

Nothing ever in this world can ever justify the forcible abduction of girls into marital slavery, not to talk of the being in joined in unholy matrimony with Boko Haram brigands. At best, this is a case of aggravated rape.

These abductions are not new, but realising what has happened to the abducted makes for seriously horrific reading. Hassan Ali besides murdering his father and uncle sanctioned the killing of his own sister when after abduction she refuse to become a 'pleasure unit' of another Boko Haram leader.

Innumerable atrocities

Everything about Boko Haram points to something Voltaire said a few centuries ago, “Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.”

You have to ask what absurd belief system enables a man to commit the atrocity of murdering his filial relations and siblings. That alone should be enough to seek to proscribe Boko Haram and rid our good earth of every semblance of that organisation, its thinking and whatever support system it enjoys.

We are not the enemy

The challenge for the Federal Government of Nigeria is that for the first time they are forced to act beyond the vacuous promise to delivering results. The result being the rescue from Boko Haram of the Chibok girls; nothing can eradicate the plight of the girls from the world’s consciousness.

The sooner the government realises it has a responsibility to act by using every means possible to #BringBackOurGirls realising the protests are urging them to act decisively and purposefully, rather than some ploy to disrupt the comfortableness of their exalted and unaffected cocoons of power and privilege, the better it would be for all concerned. #BringBackOurGirls from the grip of the Boko Haram menace.

We must stand

As men, we need to be at the forefront of fighting for equality for all participants in our global village, ensuring their rights are upheld, protected and wrestled into existence arresting the descent into the Barbarism that makes other members of the human race any less than ourselves by reason of their gender, their beliefs, their orientation, their means, their culture or any other distinguishing element of our great and broad diversity.

I stand with our women for liberty, freedom and the freedom to pursue their happiness without restraint or interference as we all desire for ourselves in this world.