Thought Picnic: Sitting pretty and bringing calamity

Sounds for moving back

It was interesting to see a large vehicle reversing and, beyond the rear white lights, just in case another driver or a pedestrian did not notice the vehicle coming towards them, a safety feature had been added in the form of an announcement: “Attention! This vehicle is reversing.”

It made me wonder whether it is necessary to have a warning system before sitting down. For instance, I once mistakenly sat on a pair of glasses, but not to the point of totally damaging them, because I felt something that made me check what I might be sitting on.

Little Miss Muffet and the Case for Situational Awareness

Little Miss Muffet, the star of the nursery rhyme, could have faced the danger of sitting on a spider which might have stung her on the backside. That is, if the tuffet was a grassy mound, like a tuft. However, we must assume it was a small stool. So, when the spider abseiled down its thread of web and sat down beside her, it must have been a display of arachnid politeness that she mistook for danger.

My case for the tuffet being a small stool rather than a grassy mound rests on this: the spider would not have been as obvious in the grass as it would be on a stool. Depending on which version you have committed to memory, the spider either came down from above or walked along some surface, probably underneath the stool, to settle beside Miss Muffet.

The Perils of Sitting Without Looking

Then, as I accede to William Cobbett's aphorism to "sit down to write what you have thought, and not to think what you shall write," sitting down takes on the need for awareness of where one should set one's derrière. Obviously, far from where spiders and creepy crawlies can frighten you away, and definitely not on some fragile thing that is not part of the seat.

In light of that, I always consciously put my glasses on a table, with the remote controls close by, but usually on a raised cushion, and never place a laptop on any readily available furniture to sit on; the same goes for my mobile phone. Having these things in plain sight, on tables or shelves, would, for all intents and purposes, prevent avoidable grief.

What great mishaps have been wrought by backsides set on the wrong thing, wreaking havoc and becoming, for want of a better phrase, a weapon of arse destruction. Initiative schools before gravity pulls, and the backside fools you into breaking things left on stools. We all know when we’ve allowed our backsides to rock the boat violently.

Essential Snobbery 101: The waning art of discretion

In view of the setting

It is interesting to review a day in which some settings within which I found myself brought a mix of behaviours, attitudes, prejudices, and indiscretions which, on reflection, just indicated how much we need to be self-aware of how what and how we do things can affect others.

In the first instance, the engagement, which had moved from the necessities and essentials of effective communication last week, was initially an exercise in how the same instructions given to a group can present different results in comprehension and action. Though the core element for the day was the broader subject of diversity, equality, and inclusion.

An undress in address

In a multicultural grouping of diverse and variant abilities, this would bristle against the learned long before the acquired suits you to the environment. My first encounter came with an enthusiastic fashion aficionado who, in my view, probably knows what goes with what for what time of the day but forgot to recognise we were not being groomed for either the catwalk or the red carpet.

As I asked to sit with them, my acknowledgement of compliments on my apparel seemed to open the door to a level of intrusion that should have been invited rather than imposed. However, she took it upon herself to instruct me on what colours and styles should match what I was wearing. I could have brusquely rebuffed her and asked her to mind her own business, but I made the allowances in observation of an intriguing display of the use of discretion.

Absent filters of sharing

As the day progressed, there was something about just giving out too much information, where even as you begin to cultivate familiarity in a grouping, you let down your guard too easily to reveal what probably should be kept to yourself in some eagerness to share something that might yet not be known about you.

Even though I can be quite expressive, I still filter the products I share and consider what a no-need-to-know in consideration of how what one dares to share might affect others. Discretion is an art in and of itself.

Once some secrets of others were shared, there were a few instances where I could have interjected with ‘Me Too’, but I was not so inclined. I learned much and revealed little else, but in the observation of character, you appreciate who to keep in your confidences.

Of prejudice in scowls

Then came the apologies, this was in the aftermath of both discrimination and prejudice that some would have observed as redolent of a stereotype belonging to a certain demographic that, for a matter of discretion again one would think but never voice.

The need not to voice everything that comes to mind, even when there is irresistible prompting, is a discipline in awareness and sometimes necessary not to upset others.

That I found myself in the middle of the exchange whilst offering an example to buttress a point was incidental, but I was only ready to reveal so much about myself without laying myself out to avoidable vulnerability and exposure in sharing information that was not germane to the discussion. It was rattling and eventually resolved; uncomfortable would not fully describe what happened.

Platform pearls before swine

Back at home, I happened upon a tweet that included a clip of a BBC interview with an unctuous ingenue, a Nigerian male YouTuber who, with little urging, seemed to spill the beans on the immigration inclinations of his fellow countryfolk, just at a time the UK government has been looking for a means to reduce net immigration and dependants joining students during their sojourn in the UK.

He, apparently a dependant himself, in his excitement, ingratiated himself with a forwardness lacking self-reflection that could implicate him in immigration fraud when he inferred that he had helped some falsify documentation, apart from painting Nigeria and Nigerians in a very bad light. His quest for notoriety and clout presented more than an opportunity for indiscretion and lascivious boast of questionable ability or prowess. If ever the pearls of a large platform were cast before swine.

We remain, good ambassadors

He no doubt irked many a Nigerian at home and abroad, but I, being a 25-year resident of the UK and another 12 in the Netherlands, and we Nigerians, by birth, heritage, or allyship, are unwittingly ambassadors in the communities wherein we are, and no upstart, regardless of the platform they gain, can rubbish the good and useful contributions we make in our communities.

Honest Nigerians need not fear a backlash in their quest to emigrate; this would blow over, as we have always faced hurdles from as far back as memory would allow and have still made the moves and progress we have desired. Our YouTuber, who would not be granted even basic recognition, would fade into obscurity at just the same speed at which he came to our notice. An irrelevance in the scheme of things.

In the sidebar, I joined a Twitter space to assure Nigerians of continuing our good work, and for all I had to say, one was too distracted to listen, for he had read my profile and all he could glean from it was to ask why I am gay. I could have been exasperated, but when you realise that some can never learn to mind their own business, you make a cursory note and ignore it.

A spoon of snigger

Roe your bread

I just sniggered earlier at myself without mouthing the words that spoke out loudly in my head, “Silly me.” There is a quick snack I like to make, getting wholemeal pitta bread and cutting it into strips with a pair of scissors before warming the strips in the microwave oven for a minute and depending on how much is left in the container and whether I need to keep it for another serving, I dip the strips or use a table knife to put taramasalata on the strips and eat.

I first had this as an entrée (starter) in a Greek restaurant probably 15 or so years ago, and it is good easy comfort food with the contrasts of hot and cold, along with tangy and bland. I cannot speak to its nutritious value, but it is Mediterranean and so, we can assume that is good.

A laughing dog

Whilst the strips were being warmed in the microwave oven, I had taken the container out of the fridge and laid it on my coffee table, I then returned to the kitchen to get a table knife and I was already in the living room when I realised, I had a spoon instead of a knife, that is why I sniggered.

In the many times I do laugh at myself, the thought of the dish that ran away with the spoon occurred to me from the Hey Diddle Diddle nursery rhyme, I can only wonder whoever wrote it must have sniggered at the absurdity of it all, a cat a fiddle, a cow jumping over the moon and the dish running away with the spoon. To the audience of one, the dog that saw it all and laughed at the sport.

Knife and spoon

All that silliness inspired this as first, I had one pitta that spooned taramasalata onto with a knife, as to have knifed it onto the pitta would have given the impression of a stabbing, I guess in this case, you spoon with a knife. Then the second pitta in strips was dipped in the container as this was my third helping from the container and there wasn’t much left to spoon.

I am surprised I picked up a spoon from my cutlery tray in the kitchen drawer as the spoons are in the middle, the knives to the right, the forks to the left and the teaspoons at the bottom. It was neither a case of absentmindedness nor forgetfulness, more of a momentary absence of awareness which triggered a feeling of mirth and without a cat, a cow, or a dog to enter my circus of levity, I eventually walked away with a knife and not a spoon.

Note: I could not find a rendition of the nursery rhyme in the way I was taught, and I remember it, none of the versions I heard on YouTube are remotely close to what I remember. I guess I need to get on with my piano lessons and play this out myself.

Coronavirus streets in Manchester - LXIII

Sights and sounds very natural

On my exercise walks in Manchester, there are things that I see that sometimes would be considered insignificant and yet together creates an experience. I can be attentive with a lot of spatial awareness, and I am not distracted by looking on my mobile phone or listening to music through headphones as many people I see are, that there are times we almost bump into each other because of their careless use of public spaces totally not considering the fact that personal and public safety is a function of everyone acting with respect to others around them.

That a man would pull up that early in the morning at the Sikh Gurdwara in his Bentley coupe without the accoutrements of Sikhism but in a suit and tie seemed quite strange even as there was no one at the gate to let him in. I did not wait to see what he would do next; I had my pace and cadence to keep.

Abandoned to canine distress

We are however dogged by different levels of irresponsibility when it comes to dogs being taken for walks. There are a few kept on a leash and even one menacing one I have met a few times that is muzzled. Many dog owners do not seem to be aware that other people they meet in public spaces might be terrified of dogs and so, they should have better control of their animals.

One was pretending to throw a stick for the dog to fetch, the dog deceived ran forward and then realised it had been tricked and few times. Just as I noted that was rather bad behaviour on the part of the dog dad, the dog appeared to race up towards me gnarling with rage and then backed off.

Somewhere else, a couple let their dog run up ahead and it fouled up a garden, but as the dog was out of their sight, they would not have known to clean up after their dog. It is likely, they do not bother to do that in any case. I do see many instances of this irresponsible behaviour and lest the owners set their dogs on you, you find that you just move on disconcerted by that observation.

A dog amuck

However, it was this that was most terrifying, I was on my home straight from the park, a dog digging around in the grass but off the leash some 20 metres away, saw me coming and immediately ran up to me, jumping and clawing at my leg. I have no idea why; I was not a threat in any way. Obviously, the owner called it off and apologised. But if she had been paying any attention to her dog, this would never have happened, and I am sure it is not the first time.

Then I remember the more responsible dog owners, such that I know the names of the dogs but not that of their owners, like Tilly that has quite an independent and individualistic personality, she is never on a leash and quite well behaved. Her housemate has never been let go of, for all the time that I have seen him in the park. George is a fluffy St Bernard, friendly and likeable, you just want to pat him anytime you see him.

I probably should wear shinpads in anticipation of canine aggression, it could be managed, if the owners were a little more responsible.

Essential Snobbery 101: A class of crass

Class is a state of mind

“You have no respect for 1^st Class, that’s why you have your feet on the seats.” That was the part of the conversation that began a bit earlier when 6 or 7 girls took up seats in the carriage, completely unaware of other occupants.

The train conductor then asked if they had 1^st Class tickets, which they didn’t and as he tried to move them on, they remonstrated that they did not know they were in first-class seats, which was a blatant lie because when they got on the train, that was the first conversation between them before they decided to stay rather than find other seats matching their tickets.

Class treats you as you are

One of the girls made an unnecessarily rude comment, to which the train conductor retorted that she should get her eyes tested. Then came a torrent of abuse and invective along with the comment that he, the conductor, was not respectful of customers and that if he was unhappy with his job, he should resign. All for asking them to move to the seats for which they had tickets.

The train conductor could have asked them to get off the train or called the British Transport Police on them for their abuse, but he let them move to the next carriage. Unfortunately, that was not the end of the matter, for when he did go through the train checking tickets, the truculent and unruly girls continued their atrocious behaviour, which he ignored.

They all got off at the next station, and rather than walk away, they came up the platform to swear at and make rude gestures at the train conductor. I felt quite sorry for him, yet it was all in a day’s work.

Class is being attentive

If you do not want to be talked down to by officials, read the signs, and when you are unsure, ask questions. Behave yourself so that you do not attract sanction or opprobrium, and do not take the patience or docility of staff for stupidity; they have rights and powers that can frustrate your about-to-become-inconsequential existence.

I could only wonder what the girls were doing at home at that time of day. They probably had no homes they belonged to with any structure, discipline, or social comportment, and that is why they were flipping out even though they were totally in the wrong and could not accept they were wrong or being told that they were. If I view the future through my observation of those girls, I would have been filled with trepidation; there must be better ahead than that.

Thought Picnic: Playing the lottery of the commons

Irritating questioning

At a recreational place last weekend, when taking a break in the lounge, I got engaged in a conversation through an app as to my whereabouts and so on.

As it transpired, my inquisitor on learning of where I was, then enquired as to whether the place was busy and on my response was ambivalent about coming or not. In the process, the many questions included fickle stratifying elements on age, looks, interests and prospects, the whole exchange began to have an irritating quality to it.

Then I suggested that if everyone waited for a venue to have a perfect crowd to meet all requirements and considerations, no venue would have patrons. Essentially, everyone by their own agency has to decide to attend a place for it to become lively.

Our part in the commons

We are as individuals contributors and consumers of the buzz any venue generates, whether it then becomes an enjoyable experience is not one guaranteed. We anticipate and hope that the atmosphere would gel with us and from it might come memorable pleasures.

The common good that is a reason of a common purpose driven by an individual desire expects that we participate and engage without selfishly taking out of the system when we have contributed nothing.

For every venue, there is always a first arrival and there is the last, in between, there might be leavers, but for the duration in which the venue is actively receiving patrons, one can expect that the atmosphere would probably build up, climax and then begin to fade as people leave.

It is about people of which you are one

It takes people to give a place life, in a recreational centre, in a club, in a restaurant, at a concert, in a stadium, in a place of worship or anywhere people congregate out of free agency in the quest for an experience.

Yet, we find people who rely on the initiative of others to fulfil their narrow pursuit of happiness. This concept does not just apply to attending places, there is a common good in areas where people have the awareness of others, those who walk the pavements, their attention and eyes glued to their mobile phones oblivious of others inadvertently expect others to be cognisant of their presence. Now, if we all buried our heads in my devices, we would all be bumping into each other on the pavements.

Freedom and consideration

The same applies to those who litter the public spaces, if we all did that rather than use the refuse bins, our public spaces would not only be unsightly, but unusable too.

Your freedom, much as it is cherished and defended must not encroach on the freedom of others, your temple loudspeakers causing noise pollution towards non-adherents of your beliefs, but put upon by your devotion is antithetical to engendering a community spirit, just as those leaving places of entertainment must be aware of the neighbourhood not to cause an unnecessary disturbance.

In the quest for personal freedom and pleasure, our community relies on the consideration of the majority including ourselves to be aware of the other and act responsibly, without this, we exhibit anti-social tendencies and lead our societies towards chaos and disorder.

Get in to get something out

Part of what makes the ambience is what we bring to it in our presence and our engagement, though many have missed out on that experience because they expect a readymade joy ride and cannot convince themselves of the fact that participation is integral to the scheme of things.

It is like a lottery, sometimes you win and sometimes you lose, but one thing is for sure, you have to participate in the lottery for you to ever have the prospect of winning. If you are not playing, there is no chance of winning.

Get out and play, you might just find what you are looking for.

I suggest Spatial-Consideration Intelligence

The rules I break

I believe I have broken a few rules as I remember the words of one of Anita Baker’s songs – She is probably my best musician artiste, “Rules were meant to be broken,” she first says, then you goes on the say, “So many hearts break the same way too, aw baby, I said that you ain't no exception to the rule, yes sir.”

The rules I have broken are mainly the unwritten ones, the ones I have read or can still remember as instruction even if irritating to the point of awakening that streak of rebelliousness in me, I have rarely dared to infringe.

Now, I do not intend to speak about broken hearts, but the taking the exception to the rule or rules does concern me. I love order, I like to see order around, order especially when I leave my home for whatever activity I have purposed to do or just happened to find myself in.

In the way

Starting with stepping out of my front door and not having to ask someone who has inadvertently felt my doorstep is the place to take a standing nap. Then I get on the street and some friends all decide to walk abreast, which is fine but in their chatting excitement become oblivious of others that you either have to alert them or step dangerously onto the street.

That simple element of awareness which should be a rule written on the fleshy tablets of the heart and branded fierily on the jellies of the cranial grey matter, yet so carelessly ignored. People who knowing it is a doorway and take up the space constricting access.

I’ve seen too many instances of the absence of intelligent engagement of the spaces we occupy too, like finding myself in queues when I was in India and having the person behind me pressing against my person for no particular reason that thankfully my towering height helped when I bellowed down at the person, “Hold your space.”

Know your space

I can remember when I touched the man in front of me in a pub and apologised that I could not put my feet in a bag, after he stepped on my toes. A very strange situation where my size 12 feet (European size 46) knows full well not to egress in the pied-à-terre (literally, space for the feet) of others and then to find someone with much shorter feet unaware of where their feet should be.

Space is probably a European concept more than it is for any other place, but I am probably in error when I realise that queues were not the kind of order to find in the Netherlands, it drove me to distraction and brought out the most English of annoyances in me.

You could not get off a train comfortably because everyone wanted to get on, yet, we need to get off for others to get off. That is where my cane sometimes made a violent acquaintance with the shins of others and behold the way opened before me without obstruction.

Consideration and deportment

Public transport does provide a test case for those who are literally spatially ignorant, people who take up more seats than they should or create impediments to others getting access to other seats especially by putting their bags on the seats, worse still is those who put their feet on the seats despite the fact that there are notices clearly saying they should not.

People who bring their caterwauling music unto public spaces who in their enjoyment create the greatest irritation to others, a total lack of consideration, I say. Then, being a cane user, you can imagine when I get on the London Underground and find that able-bodied people have made a beeline for the priority seats and completely ignore the aged, the infirm, the pregnant or the mobility assisted. Those seats are not for them, that is why the signs are put there.

Other views of space

Space is a matter of dimensions and different dimensions of occupancy, manner, appearance and attitude which demands awareness and consideration. The consideration that if everyone else did what I was doing, what would the world be like.

Literally no public seat is safe from the halitosis-ridden oral excrements of chewing gum that you never venture the underneath of a wooden armrest or under the seat, forget the number of pavements with gum and cigarette butts. The former should be banned as they have so done in Singapore.

It manner of dressing is the being assault in public with the sight of cack-ridden undergarments that should be covered up in this rotten fashion trend of sagging trousers. Beyond that, it is those forget to dress for the body they have and end up dressing for what they want their bodies to be – uncouth and unsightly, you almost think you should wear a sick bag like a colostomy bag at the things that things that invade the sanctity of the senses.

Public decorum

Forget those who do not take a seat to make a call or sent a text message on their mobile phones, so unaware that what they think is walking in a straight line is anything but, some have met great mishap as a result when they divorce themselves from the personal responsibility of knowing that each person being aware of the other and acting accordingly is part of the order we all crave in society and community.

Use the bins, press the button if you are first at the pedestrian crossing lights, stand out of the way, give way to others less able to manoeuvre, be courteous, polite and considerate, the list goes on about how I love things to be and what really piques me.

Defining this intelligence

As I thought about this, I was about to give this sense of awareness and consideration on the matter of space, Spatial Quotient as an additional form of measuring intelligence along with Intelligence Quotient (IQ) and Emotional Intelligence (EQ) only to find that Spatial Intelligence is quite a broad field of study amongst other types of intelligence, in what is known as the theory of multiple intelligences, so I back to square one.

Having looked at the nine intelligences listed and the descriptions that follow, for musical–rhythmic, visual–spatial, verbal–linguistic, logical–mathematical, bodily–kinesthetic, interpersonal, intrapersonal, naturalistic, and existential. I am not convinced this one or a combination of some of these properly address the element of spatial awareness and intuitiveness that I have raised in this blog.

Giving well, taking little

And back to the lyrics I introduced at the beginning of this blog, there is an element of the absence of this intelligence that is expressed in, “So many times we don't give, we take…” whereas, society works on various levels of giving and taking to different degrees that are usually never equal.

I am tempted to suggest, Spatial-consideration intelligence, however, it probably requires more academic rigour from behavioural experts to properly define this or extend the meanings of the previously defined categories.

Space matters, the giving of it, the giving up of it, the taking of it and taking it with clear consideration of others too.

Thought Picnic: A menacing annoyance of mobile phone abuse

Landing the mobile

I have no problems with people who need to keep in contact with family, friend, colleague, partner or whatever form of relationship defines the need to communicate.

The ubiquity of the mobile phone has offered opportunities once not possible a few decades ago.

Though, then, you probably made conversation in private, out of earshot in a room, a phone booth or an office.

I however still have the mindset of needing to take mobile phone calls undistracted.

Presence of thought

If away from home, I would find a place to sit down to chat. On the very rare situations where I take calls without sitting down, I would most likely be taking directions on how to get to some place.

What I find so irksome is people who do not realise how distracting taking a call on the street can be.

It is almost impossible to given equal attention to a telephone conversation and your surroundings.

Driving to distraction

Studies have shown that concentration is impaired by the distraction of a mobile phone call which can be dangerous for essential reaction when driving but also dangerous for being unaware of ones surroundings.

Wikipedia - Mobile phones and driving safety

Forbes - Science Proves That Cell Phones Are Annoying and Distracting

Yet people do fool themselves into thinking they are in control when clearly from observation they are not.

They are slower to react, slower walking, usually don’t walk in a straight line, more expectant of others not to bump into them as they walk along being carried by the flow of the crowd.

Vexed by texting

There are times I have scolded some to put away their phones as the try to mount stairs, get on escalators or board vehicles.

Those who send SMS messages are worse as they tap or scribble away on their devices ensconced in that world and completely oblivious of others.

A menace indeed

They are a public menace beyond mere annoyance consumed with a yearning that lacks restraint as the moment lost in having consideration of others is an eternity lost forever.

Indeed some things need urgent attention but not at the expense of being controlled, ordered and particularly considerate.

That is what I look for in people without having to demand they recognise where they are.

Thought Picnic: Leaving Reality for Virtuality

Aware to observe

There is a constant battle between being able to observe and being aware of ones surroundings. One will suppose awareness aids observance but that is the subject of some other research.

Touch is taking over the world, whilst Bill Gates promised information at our fingertips, he was at that time thinking of keyboards and screens – the times have moved on.

In all, there is much information garnered from touch but I find more of this when travelling not at the fingertips but at the touch of the thumb.

A touch of the distracted

In most cases, I will interact with my mobile phone holding it in one hand and navigating with the finger of the other hand. Too many cannot be bothered; they hold the phone and contrive the contortions of the phalanges to get the thumb of the same hand to work their phones.

In the process they get so engrossed in that activity completely oblivious of their surroundings and the people around them where they sit, where they stand or even when they walk. They are the most irksome when that is done riding their bikes as the handling of the bike almost makes me wish a very murky ditch is ready to break their fall.

Too many times I have boarded public transport and if anyone has a touch-to-interact mobile phone they are probably in that parallel universe absent to the present and the realities around them. It has become a societal nuisance for the want of a better description and it is likely to get worse.

Failing to learn

One cannot entirely relate this to poor attention spans or a general lack of awareness but I have hardly seen anyone on our Amsterdam Tram System who has cottoned on to the fact that if the push buttons at the exit doors are pressed to inform the driver to halt at the next stop and the lights are blinking, once the tram stops and the driver activates the doors, there is no need to press that button again, the door will sure open.

Maybe it is something about connecting the dots of events around you and paying heed to your surroundings but people have become automatons driven by touch with no other sensory perception utilised to show that the person exists with time, space, motion and interaction.

Dangers of this

These intra-personalised worlds of being oblivious cannot be to the benefit of our communities the worst situation being we may never be able to depend on eye witnesses and where help should be provided they are probably recording the circumstance to share on YouTube.

Besides our ability to appreciate beauty and take in our environments is lost to virtual worlds of virtual friends in virtual conversations doing virtually nothing for the enhancement of our realities.

We need to rollback these digital influences and get back to being social animals again – how we go about this, I would not know but the danger does loom and it will be more serious than depicted here.