Beyond queer theory to the experience of living

Exploring our humanity and expression

Reading of the death of Professor Leo Bersani which occurred a few weeks ago at the age of 90, got me thinking of an area of study defined as queer theory that I have not before explored, yet on perusal suggests many of us of a homosexual persuasion might have lived. To codify the lives of homosexuals and sexuality in academic terms definitely makes for an essential area of research. [Advocate: Leo Bersani, Author on Gay Identity, Dies at Age 90]

Only recently, I was reading up on Anti-LGBT rhetoric which to many extents has been to those of the LGBT persuasion lived rather than rhetorical, in discrimination, in ostracism, in queer bashing, sometimes resulting in death, in legislation that delegitimises and dehumanises our person in the pursuit of some nebulous family or culturally based ideal that seeks to set us apart for repudiation and castigation.

The corruption of conformity

Obviously, at once in our suffering and then in our understanding, we are caught in a situation where our difference from heteronormative structures set us up in conflict with family and relations, in community and society as we seek to have a human voice to exist in a humanity is more diverse than the conformity that is expected of us.

For instance, sex to me has always been utilitarian for the simple reason that my first experience of it was from the age of 7, the innocence I lost has had consequences and it would not have mattered whether I grew up for be heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual, once that childhood naivety was given the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil, my eyes, as much as anyone else exposed to child sexual abuse were opened.

What at first seemed coercive became immersive and the pleasure it provided was natural and untainted by philosophy, religion, or morality. Sadly, the criminality of such was rarely prosecuted, rather, it was hushed up in shame and embarrassment with the hope that the child would outgrow the memory of it. They never do.

Understanding how different we are

Then within the conflicts of appreciating, understanding, and accepting one’s sexuality against the requirements to present as ‘normal’, in that one should subsume sexuality for the heteronormative and fulfil all the necessities of such.

This morning, on my walking exercise, I thought about the many males from adolescence with whom sexual relations have been explored who now deploy their heterosexuality in marriage, procreation, and the profession of faith and creed that supports that existence in their collective amnesia of the past. Grandfathers they are today even as some preach the gospel in various forms.

Yet, as Leo Barsani wrote in his 1987 essay, titled, Is the Rectum a Grave? he lambasted as quoted in the Advocate article referenced above, “the tendency among some gay activists to respond to AIDS by downplaying their sexuality and emphasizing the need to replicate bourgeois heterosexuality.” The point, we are not heterosexual, we have never been, we have to define ourselves as who we are, not in the context of others who have no idea of our lives. [Amazon: Is the Rectum a Grave?: and Other Essays] Ordered today.

Having sex without angst

In that is the tendency to rail against the apparent promiscuity of homosexuals, but fundamentally, once we begin to understand that homosexuals are not governed by heterosexual constructs and norms, we can also deconstruct the viewpoint of seeing homosexuals only through the lens of sex, lifestyle, and inclination, for we are just as valid an expression of our humanity that has existed from the beginning of humankind.

What seems to dog the homosexual is the tendency to want to ape the heteronormative, and so we read personals that include straight-acting, moralising the concept of monogamy, even though polygamy has defined many human relationship until it was morally and legally constrained by recent Judeo-Christian hegemonies seeking to decide the use and utility of sex, whilst removing from public knowledge the pleasure and enjoyment of sex.

We are schooled to think sex as nothing to derive any stimulation or pleasure from except for the sake of procreation, yet, in our private places, we all know that sex is considerably more pleasurable than we are told it is not.

A remembrance and celebration of lives

Amongst us homosexuals, the enjoyment of sex cut a swathe of death in our population with AIDS for almost 20 years when we lost men in their prime at never nearly 40 into the mid-1990s and the AIDS Memorial Instagram page speaks of lives of men who we have refused to forget, for What Is Remembered Lives. We stopped enjoying sex, seized by fear and loathing, exacerbated by bad faith actors depicting a human disaster as divine wrath. Yet, it is human progress and advancements in medicine has contained this epidemic.

I lost a partner and many friends, I mourn some still, though for the society I lived in, I mourned alone, because until 1995 we had no effective long-term treatment and therapies for HIV. I also was touched by the scourge of AIDS, I survived, and I am grateful for the gift of life.

My AIDS encounter has however not diminished my appetite for sex, for it is essentially part of human nature and it is only those in denial that would suggest we do not have that need. Our world presents us with exploration along with some caution and care, but to become puritanical about sex is to censure human expression.

We were never the same in outlook

When for the heterosexual, it might define uniquely lifelong bonds, it would for the homosexual be once of tryst to which you do not need to attach any emotion. It is very possible to separate the act which is practically animal expression from the higher human state of intelligence. That ability to compartmentalise the functions of the physical, the body, the mind, and the heart, devoting the right attention to the fleeting from the significant is something that probably takes the mimicry of the heterosexuality out of homosexuality.

It does not mean we do not understand commitment, it is just not predicated on sex, either through objectification or deification, its utilitarian function is just that, and where intimacy between partners is involved, there is a totally different dynamic at play than when there are liaisons with strangers.

Through generations, we have been on the margins of society, the only thing we have ever asked for is not to be persecuted or prosecuted, to be able to live our lives equally as part of our diverse humanity, contributing to the advancement of our civilisation all around the world.

For that, we can be grateful for the likes of Leo Barsani, Paul-Michel Foucault, James Baldwin, and many more helping the discourse about sexuality and its full expression.

Blog - Thought Picnic: A child has memories that last a lifetime

Blog - Thought Picnic: How do you lose your virginity?

Blog - Thought Picnic: We Never Knew What a Healthy Sexual Relationship Was Because ...

Kenny Badmus: Thank you for coming out wonderfully

Coming out in Nigeria

Probably, not since Bisi Alimi came out on New Dawn with Funmi Iyanda in 2004 has there been a news story just about as explosive and interesting as Kenny Badmus’ coming out both as gay and HIV-positive. [Pulse.NG]

As usual, one look at the comments that post-fix each news publication of this story, and most especially the one on Linda Ikeji’s Blog, the vitriol out-numbers the support by more than 10-to-1.

However, let us address the fundamental issues in Kenny Badmus’ revealing piece, lest we lose the gravity of the substance from the sensationalism giving room for holier-than-thou sententiousness.

Previously, Kenny Badmus had revealed on World AIDS Day 2014 that he had been living with HIV for 15 years, the results of his tests should suggest clearly to many that being HIV-positive is not necessarily a death sentence, you can live well, be successful and thrive. Some of the comments I read on Linda Ikeji’s Blog were quite uncharacteristically supportive, I did not want to spoil it looking for the vitriolic ones. [Linda Ikeji’s Blog]

The pressure to marry

Kenny Badmus admits he was under societal pressure to fulfil the needs of typical Nigerian society to be married, yet, before marriage he told his prospective wife that he was homosexual and even told ministers in pre-marriage counselling to help dissuade from her quest for marriage to no avail.

The fact is, both young men and women are under pressure to tie the knot after a certain age and then they are supposed to begin to procreate, which in itself to many is proof that the marriage is working – in many cases, nothing can be further from the truth.

Even for a very religious and moralistic society, Nigeria has like many other places in the world a diversity of sexuality and sexual expression, and regardless of religious beliefs and we all do not believe to the same level, from atheist through agnostic and apostate, to relapsed, to committed, and to extremely fanatical, we fill the broad spectrum of beliefs in any religion.

Some will find some accommodation for heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, transsexuality, marriage, polygamy, celibacy, abstinence, adultery, fornication, lasciviousness, sadomasochism, or any kind of sexual expression – we are essentially sexual beings, at the very basic level.

You can’t ‘sex’ out sexuality

Despite the glaring truth, the unfortunate liaison was contracted because probably Kenny Badmus did not fight hard enough to stop it and also probably because his wife to be believed that she should make him straight, at least, she thought his homosexual predilections were simply a childhood disorder. I could almost laugh, but many do believe homosexuality is just a phase, a temporary outlet in the absence of opposite sex partners, some think it is an abomination.

Kenny Badmus alludes to another interesting fact, the tendency for women or men to think they can change their partners, literally ‘sex’ the other sexuality out of them. There is too much scientific fact out there as better understanding of human physiology and psychology in the last century has revealed that sexuality is a wiring of nature and hardly an adoption of nurture, in most cases.

That is not to say some people are not curious about the other sexuality, but to subscribe to the idea that all are curious, living a lifestyle rather than a life is as myopic as anyone can get. This notion is however, promoted by many religious leaders leading to the atrocious persecution of many who are already living a very difficult and secret life of guilt, pain and despair.

The pressure to conform

The consequence of this societal stance is no doubt why many homosexuals in Nigeria and some other unfriendly culture are living on the down-low; they have very public marriages, consummated with issue and yet find the greater sexual satisfaction in the arms of others of the same sex.

Laws and sanctions are not going to change the nature of man, the matter will be driven underground and become even more insidious. A society cannot forever ignore what it is composed of, that is, it will always be a representation of the broad spectrum of humanity, whether accepted or not.

After six years of marriage, the wife having failed in her silly quest to convert her husband into a single-minded heterosexual, divorce proceedings were instituted where the wife has allegedly perjured herself suggesting she had no knowledge of her husband’s sexuality before the marriage.

You cannot compete for sexuality

She probably is in for a bigger shock, because her vendetta exposes her to unintended consequences in seeking that her now to be ex-husband to be visited with the full force of that odious Nigerian anti-gay law. Kenny Badmus’ status carried some risk, though with an undetectable viral load, this might well have been minimal. She really should move on from this episode in her life than ruin it altogether with the fury of a woman scorned. [NAM AIDSMap]

The competition in the sexuality stakes is just too high, it is one thing for a woman to compete against another woman for a man’s sexual affections, it is a completely different thing for a woman to compete against another man for a man with sexual affections for men too, it works the other way too and it is a battle lost long before it has even started.

Live the truth of your life

A number of things can be learnt from Kenny Badmus’ story and I hope it helps many young Nigerian men and women struggling with their sexuality and being forced by societal pressures to contract marriages they do not have their hearts in.

First, is what Kenny Badmus learnt from his own father, “Die for your own truth, even if it's unpopular, but don't harm others with it.” More pertinently, I will say, live, live for your own truth, whatever the cost.

I hear of many desperate young Nigerians at the point of committing suicide just because of struggles with their sexuality, it ought not be so and I hope Kenny Badmus’ story offers some hope, stormy as the consequences have become, that storm will blow away for the calm.

Live a full life

The pressure to marry will always be great but you are never going to ‘sex’ away your sexuality, if a marriage is entered into with this lingering issue, the blow-back can be unexpectedly nasty. Kenny Badmus had to face the public spectacle and the shame apart from having to reinvent himself as his business contacts fell away after the revelations.

Being HIV-positive is NOT a death sentence, get tested and get on medication that can keep you healthy such that you can literally live a full life; do not suffer in silence.

More importantly, find an understanding support group that can help you through the hardest times, the coming out of Kenny Badmus strengthens him positively, he cannot now be blackmailed for his sexuality, he is free to be who he is, because he has fully accepted who he is.

Accept yourself and live life well

We all have that life’s journey, the journey of acceptance, from the denial of who we are, hoping we were something else, the depression that accompanies the incapacity to change what we have no control over, the anger of things past and present seeding in resentment and bitterness, eating away our innards, the bargaining that comes with rash vows we cannot keep, but the release that comes with acceptance of our humanity, our weaknesses and sexuality is the beginning of a new life. [Kubler-Ross model on the stages of grief.]

And like Kenny Badmus, we can begin to be really proud of who we really are, whatever that might be. We are all, if you allow it, God’s own children, gay, straight, bisexual, lesbian, transsexual and inter-sexual, we are born of fellow human beings and surely this should not be the determinant of character or how we are allowed to thrive in this wonderful world.

Thank you, Kenny Badmus, for coming out and coming out wonderfully.

Opinion: To Be A Homosexual in Africa Today

The freedoms I have

Sometimes I forget that privileges and conveniences I have by reason of birth and location, taking many things for granted that many others desire to see, if they can beyond, the next hour.

The life I have today I cherish, the health I have has been a constant blessing - each day I desire the world is a better place for all people, sadly, for some, each day is a worse hell than the day before.

I have no answers to many of these problems, but I hope for the few I meet, I can seed a word of hope, some encouragement and maybe more to brighten them up towards the things they face.

Justified to do justice

Yet, I have watched as people secure in the sense of who they think they are from their religion, their status, their morality, their identity or their beliefs of superiority bray like an irate mob to consume those who are different.

They have found an easy outlet of convenience, justified in their words and deeds to act in the stead of God and culture to remove from their communities those that do not conform.

The hatred dripping from their fangs like vampires after a feast of bloody abandon, they have whipped up a frenzy of hysteria; we must protect our values from corruption, but the corruption they perceive has always been part of our humanity, from the time there was the opportunity between people to find affection and express that affection as intimately as they dare to care.

Difference and diversity

Before the law that instructs about whether things we right or wrong, we existed almost oblivious of each other yet enjoyed the brotherhood and neighbourliness of our humanity until knowledge came of how different we were.

Some celebrated and embraced our diversity, others exploited and exacerbated our differences, the former was the selfless act of love in the mould of the Good Samaritan, and the latter was the selfish act of hatred giving scope for unimaginable evil.

Yet, we are allowed the courage of our convictions to take the easy path of convenience and follow the crowd of thoughts that would ostracise the other to belong to the many.

We have schooled ourselves to not acquiesce, groomed ourselves never to tolerate, and decided we cannot accommodate those that are to our thinking different, bad, dangerous, evil, degenerate, repulsive, hell-bound and condemned.

A fellow human being

Such is the homosexual to many of us, a fellow human being, who should if we had our way never be fellow, nor dare to be human for their being does not deserve to walk the streets we walk.

But think on this matter; in any population on the face of the earth and the diversity that each unit when compartmentalised might contain, anything from 1% to 10% or more would be so radically different from us – shall we treat them like dogs for their status, their race, their tribe, their handicap, their sexuality, their speech, their beliefs, their views, their culture, their lifestyles, their origin, their mix, their loves, their hates and much else?

Then think on this, if you belonged to any minority where the tyranny of the majority reigned supreme to blackmail, to persecute, to bully, to prosecute, to excoriate, to condemn, to lynch and to put to death.

That is the unbearable existence of the gay African (a fellow human being) in their hostile communities; anything up to and possible more than 80 million* Africans who have always lived in Africa and hardly been exposed to influences outside Africa are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual or intersexual, they have nowhere to go but to live in Africa, where they belong, by birth and by right.

*[The 80 million figure is an estimate of possibly 8% of the total population not being heterosexual. More references appear below the blog.]

Worst examples of leadership

The purpose of leadership in the face of vulnerable minorities is not to accentuate the differences amongst the people they lead that would persecute the few, but to demonstrate the magnanimous virtues of maturity, to offer all the protections of the law possible and to moderate all their expressed views and actions to minorities amongst them.

This is the failure of leadership we have witnessed in politics and governance being demonstrated in pandering to populist demagoguery, for the truth is that homosexuals have always been amongst us in Africa until someone found some political gain in pointing fingers at them.

The almost 80 million African homosexuals are not going to disappear overnight because some law has been promulgated to the glee and satisfaction of the majority.

What are you doing?

The lynching of homosexuals in streets near you, where you have given your support to depriving your own fellow citizen and countryman of life by your words, your actions or your silence would not eliminate them.

By God, if sexuality were a matter of choice like one could change clothes, homosexuals would definitely wear different clothes from what they wear now to conform and be assimilated into your norm.

For all those that debate and contend that homosexuality is a choice and a lifestyle, if you walked a long hard mile in the shoes of a homosexual, your choice and lifestyle would be that of a heterosexual but we have enough science to prove that homosexuality is as set as the colour of your skin – you can tone or tan your skin, but you cannot change your race.

Address your humanity

As we acquiesce to the 21^st Century extermination of the African homosexual, each one of almost 80 million of them, the lives lost in World War I which we celebrate the centenary of this year and those lost in World War II combined, along with the gruesome evil of the Holocaust, would not begin to number close to the task of ridding ourselves of this homosexual menace.

This is not about the West, this is about our own, our own people, fellow human beings, their lives, their livelihoods, their existence, their pursuit of happiness, all quietly seeking to fulfil their potential in their own countries, provinces, states and communities, like any other person born into this world desires, given the opportunity.

If you for a moment were homosexual, what would you do?

Address your humanity and with that see the humanity in others.

Thank you.

Other readings

Blog - Human Rights Day 2011: Gay Rights are Human Rights

Blog - Nigeria: Arrest Him! He's Homosexual!

LGBT rights in Africa - Wikipedia

Gay Men in Africa & HIV/AIDS – AVERT

What Percentage of the Population Is Gay? - Gallup

Populations of Africa - Wikipedia

World AIDS Day: Banish the Ignorance

On HIV/AIDS

Today is World AIDS Day and it is important that we review where the discourse is going with regards to how it affects us either directly or indirectly.

Much as we reflect on and remember the many who have lost their lives to the disease prominent amongst whom is Fela Anikulapo-Kuti of Nigeria who we celebrate as a seer and keen observer of social issues that remain relevant today, there are people who live with HIV/AIDS and even many more who do not know that they have the virus.

How come this?

It is against this background that an article that was sent to me this morning written by a correspondent of the Nigerian Vanguard newspaper incensed me.

I have no reason to question the credentials of Dr. Nwokocha who apparently is the medical director of Hosanna Medical Centre in Lagos but I have great persuasion to question his reasoning.

On World AIDS Day, one will expect that news organs in Nigeria will find ways to educate the populace on the issues surrounding sexual health and the cause of the statistical disaster that suggested that there were up to 3.3 million diagnosed cases of HIV of which there were 220,000 deaths in 2009 and counting.

Predominantly heterosexual in Africa

Much as it is lazy and weak to moralise and get obsessed with the issue of HIV/AIDS and sexuality, the demographic in Africa is radically different from that which we find in the West, because it’s prevalence is driven by a heterosexual population in the former.

Obviously, the absence of the homosexual population from this data can be accounted for because of the cultural stigmas and homophobia driven by political opportunists and religious dogma – none of which helps any of the affected people regardless of their sexuality.

A medical emergency ignored

It goes without saying that there is a medical emergency to tackle amongst those who know they are infected but do not reveal their status, those who are infected and do not know they are and the innocent ones who by reason of being in diverse relationships with the other groups risk falling into either knowledge of their status or dying of brief but unexplained illnesses.

Amongst women, beyond maternal mortality there is also the risk of the transference of the infection from mother to child one would expect Dr. Nwokocha to be a very busy man.

Errors unforgivable

Looking at the article, I have to wonder if the horridness of the copy is journalistic incompetence compounded by medical quackery of the order that should call into review the medical nous Dr. Nwokocha has.

The introduction talks of “heterogenous sex” when heterosexual sex is intended and HIV/AIDS where HIV is Human immunodeficiency virus but referred to as “Human Imuno Deficiency Syndrome Virus” infections/AIDS, whilst hepatitis is spelt as “haptetis”.

The syndrome is related to AIDS and it quite different from HIV, which is different from other sexually transmitted infections of which there are viruses, bacteria, fungi, parasites and protozoa. The learned doctor goes on about bacteria as if his knowledge is stunted.

Bad Medical School

Then he veers into the causes of homosexuality with unfounded and fantastic claims that reads like mumbo-jumbo of quack snake-oil merchants that stand at street corners fleecing the gullible with confidence tricks.

It begs the question what aspect of medical school he missed that his blinding ignorance reinforced by our obsequiousness to lettered idiots allows him to profess knowledge where he evidently has none.

As human knowledge has progressed in technology, medicine and other elements of human endeavour, we have changed and adapted to use the knowledge to advance humanity.

It is not a mental disorder

In 1973, the American Psychiatric Association declassified homosexuality as a mental disorder and this new knowledge has progressively been accepted by other mental health organisations until it was fully declassified by the World Health Organisation in 1990.

It would then seem, if a doctor were to overturn this body of expert medical knowledge and study, he might well be vying for the Nobel Prize in Physiology and Medicine after having had his thinking and hypotheses peer reviewed by the best in the field or else he is just plain ignorant.

We can have all sorts of moral debates on the issue of sexuality but I would contend that if the Wright Brothers who invented flying were to see the aircraft we put in the air today, they would not be remiss in considering the art and science of flying today as witchcraft.

An irresponsible doctor

The biggest danger posed by Dr. Nwokocha’s assertions is in offering uneasy comfort to heterosexuals in Nigeria who are most affected by HIV/AIDS and consequently everyone else by suggesting homosexuals and so-called homosexual behaviour are the vectors for sexually transmitted infections.

That is at first utterly irresponsible and reckless but you are left to wonder why those with the means flee Nigeria for medical treatment when charlatans like Dr. Nwokocha are allowed to touch living things where rats will find better succour in the gutter than visit his medical centre for cheese.

It goes without saying that people might find certain sexual conduct abhorrent but for supposedly educated people to use that platform to foist reprehensible views that have no academic quality portraying some moral justification to promote stigmatisation and persecution is beneath contempt.

Reconsidering World AIDS Day

I am saddened that the Nigerian Vanguard did not rise to any standard of responsible and educative journalism and to have given the likes of Dr. Nwokocha a World AIDS Day forum to postulate atrocious fallacy in the face of more pressing HIV/AIDS issues in Nigeria just shows how we embrace ignorance over useful knowledge and what we need to see better for ourselves and those around us.

This World AIDS Day should have us reflect and give no space to stigma, prejudice and negative propaganda, there are people out there, suffering and dying, when you begin to single out people and groups, how long will be before you get to the woman, the child, the neighbour, the relation, the family and finally ourselves?

Let us do the needful and the rightful, get tested and support every initiative to understand and appreciate how humanity great and small is affected by HIV/AIDS – Dr. Nwokocha’s kind of thinking has no place in this better world.

Thought Picnic: Now if you were in my shoes

Woman to woman

Throughout today that song has been going on in my mind, it contains the Barbara Mandrell lyrics, Woman to woman, now if you were in my shoes, wouldn’t you have done the same thing too.

Like a broken vinyl record player this is replayed again and again, as the other part of the refrain, it says, Woman to woman, if you’ve ever been in love, then you know how I feel – with a greater sense of feeling about many who have never been in my shoes but seem to know exactly where the shoes are pinching my feet.

Their sympathy is patronising, their apathy is based on ignorance and their indifference is borne from the fact that they know no different from their own particular experiences and their assumptions about things they have never partaken of. It extends beyond woman to woman to include man to man and woman to man.

I know my own things

Before I had cancer, I could never fully relate to how people suffered the disease, after I had it and the treatment that followed, I need no new appreciation of the pain of cancer, the rottenness of chemotherapy, the deprivations that come with serious illness and the fight that rises up in you for every ounce of strength that is your life-force, I just know.

However, my knowledge and experience is hardly the embodiment of all occurrences of that kind of circumstance, people go through their battles with different approaches, strategies and outcomes but we can in many ways support each other a lot better than those who look in from the outside with the know-it-all hubris that accompanies their interaction.

Experience is not always needed for understanding, there are genuine people who have deep compassion and empathy, who are reasonable, friendly and wonderful to relate to, this is not about them.

From ancient to modern

In the same vein, there is sexuality and there is faith, there are struggles, conflicts, angst, anxiety and there are desires, if choices could have been made surely, other choices would have been considered and the outcomes might well be different.

I find that I now have to assess the issues of ancient views with modern understanding whilst I run the gauntlet of fundamentalists of different religious persuasions.

Even I, probably irrationally and unreasonably, am not fully persuaded of the whole theory of evolution, from the perspective of man’s creation, I do very well believe the amazing evolution of man’s creativity and the wealth of knowledge that has benefitted mankind to great ends.

The advances in science, medicine and technology which in biblical times would have passed for witchcraft and sorcery, the new understanding of man’s psychological makeup which had every negative connotation until psychologists, psychiatrists, sociologists, anthropologists and economists unravelled the knotty issues.

Incontrovertible fact against fable

It is however convenient for people to suspend their intellect and reason for some norm of times past and use that as a template for modernity with ill-fitting consequences.

It makes one wonder how sexuality is no more codified in terms of mental illness or some psychological disorder, neither is it in professional circles considered a lifestyle choice but a personification of the subject, wholly integral to the identity of the person who might in turn demonstrate the requisite tendencies.

Has new knowledge and learning left the tomes of religious stricture behind or has it evolved into logical conclusions that are reasonable but are challenged by blinkered religiosity masquerading as right, just, moral and true?

The questions are there to challenge the “earth is flat” view of man’s existence, identity, personality and expression, so much has changed about the knowledge of man such that religion and interpretations have adapted, evolved or adjusted to serve the purpose of man because religion exists for the service of humanity and not the other way round.

Rectal fixation

The more contentious topic of sexuality is how many are fixated on the sex and not on the identity. If expressions of love are only seen in terms of the act of sex and the satisfaction it offers, the holders of that view diminish the wide spectrum of human emotions leaving them bereft and wanting in the knowledge of the essence of deep emotional involvement that comes with committed relationships regardless of gender pairing.

It is so amusing how religious heterosexuals are so anally-fixated on matters in which they have no experience and cannot begin to fathom how it affects people who have no qualms on the matter.

The reductionist view that sex is only just for procreation is interesting and it beggars the question whether heterosexuals in relationships with a finite number of children have only had sex a finite number of times just for that particular and primary purpose only, procreation – the truth?

Maybe it would interest the squeamish that anal sex between heterosexuals has existed for time immemorial partly as a contraceptive and partly as a variation to the sex-life, who would however admit to that is a different issue.

Does it affect you that much?

If there is any group of people who probably know about the experiences, it would be bisexuals, heterosexuals probably have no inkling about homosexuals just as homosexuals might not be persuaded of heterosexual affinities and so the matter of conscience comes to the fore in one simple question.

Does homosexuality affect the relationship between heterosexual partners? If it does, they have issues they need to deal with and sort out; if it doesn’t then why all that angst and emotional energy expended in condemning what you are not interested in? What you don’t do is what you cannot contemplate except if there is a latent desire for something you have not yet been brave enough to acquire.

If you’ve ever been in my shoes, then you will feel the same way too, until then, you know nothing, absolutely nothing about it.

Malawi: Steven Monjeza and Tiwonge Chimbalanga are pardoned, but ...

A welcome pardon

I welcome the pardoning [1] of Steven Monjeza, 26, and Tiwonge Chimbalanga, 20, who were given 14-year jail terms after being convicted of gross indecency and unnatural acts in Malawi by President Bingu wa Mutharika.

This was announced during the visit of the Secretary-General Ban ki Moon of the United Nations who probably had this matter on the table for discussion along with other UN matters that he might have discussed with the President.

The President said, “These boys committed a crime against our culture, our religion and our laws, however, as the head of state I hereby pardon them and therefore ask for their immediate release with no conditions.”

Of culture, religion and laws

One might say that just because a majority follows a particular culture it could not be incumbent on the majority to impose with menace and aggression that culture on others who might not be so persuaded – on that point, the case against the young men was unfair.

We have to come to a point where the use of religion to abridge, abort or proscribe the beliefs or adherences of others must be frowned upon and condemned in the sternest terms, again, I am forced to drag up the ruling that presents that argument in the starkest possible words.

Lord Justice Laws said only a few weeks ago and that is the standard by which every society, community and people would be subjected to as our global village becomes smaller and every activity in the social realm receives global scrutiny.

The state’s thinking

“We do not live in a society where all the people share uniform religious beliefs. The precepts of any one religion – any belief system – cannot, by force of their religious origins, sound any louder in the general law than the precepts of any other. If they did, those out in the cold would be less than citizens and our constitution would be on the way to a theocracy, which is of necessity autocratic.”

“The law of a theocracy is dictated without option to the people, not made by their judges and governments. The individual conscience is free to accept such dictated law, but the state, if its people are to be free, has the burdensome duty of thinking for itself.”

In Malawi, it would appear that the state has thought for itself to have had the law that lead to that judgment imposed on the young men, but one does wonder if certain of our laws now pass the muster of respecting the rights of minorities, the different, the uncommon, the alternative and where they appear to do so, if respect also includes protection from menace meted out by people who have strong views against the liberal stance of living and letting live.

A guarantee of safety too?

This is the new chapter in the young men’s lives; having tasted with great opprobrium the almost martyrdom to a cause and a type of life or lifestyle we pretend does not exist in our midst, their release without conditions hopefully would not mean their release into the hands of the lynch mob.

The President’s humanitarian action would only be fully commendable if these young men can live in Malawi as free Malawians able to pursue their dreams and visions without sanction, discrimination or ill-will.

It is a big ask from a very conservative – and I use that word with reluctance – society, because in the true sense what passes for conservatism these days is really intolerance, bigotry, hatred and persecution of the right to free expression of self and the pursuit of happiness.

No prying on any life or lifestyle

I would that societies, cultures, countries or governments do not have to suffer the duress of global pressure to adopt a more liberal stance to accommodating minorities and difference, more so, the repeal of laws that deny the right to existence of minorities no matter the strength of feeling against such minorities has to be the best and correct direction for humanity and civilisation.

There is a public place for scrutiny and there is a private place for activities that have no victims where adults who have consented to entertain mature, meaningful, fulfilling and honourable lives – no state, no public, no religion, no culture, no tradition, no law or view should have the inalienable right to encroach on that private space for the sake of assuaging the sensibilities of the disgusted – Not in Malawi, not in Africa and not anywhere else where humanity has expression of life and purpose.

Source

[1] BBC News - Malawi pardons jailed gay couple

Other references

Malawi: Free Steven Monjeza and Tiwonge Chimbalanga [akin.blog-city.com]

The case for State law over religious guidance [akin.blog-city.com]

Malawi: Free Steven Monjeza and Tiwonge Chimbalanga

People like us

One should be outraged but it is with sadness that I read of the jailing of the Malawian gay couple [1] Steven Monjeza, 26, and Tiwonge Chimbalanga, 20, who are being punished for having dared to conduct a engagement to bless a committed relationship.

I am of the view that everyone should be entitled to the pursuit of happiness in whatever pairing of relationship or absence of partnership that suits them – to deny that happiness on the basis of some moral import that prejudges difference as an abomination is unfortunate at best and savage at worst.

Rather than clamour for justice, let us examine what the judge had to say. At first he said he wanted protect the public from “people like you” – You, probably meaning homosexuals or people in unusual relationships that decide to have an engagement signifying commitment.

People like you

The full statement he made was, “I will give you a scaring sentence so that the public be protected from people like you, so that we are not tempted to emulate this horrendous example.”

Then he said, "We are sitting here to represent the Malawi society, which I do not believe is ready at this point in time to see its sons getting married to other sons or conducting engagement ceremonies."

The mob that witnessed the judgment felt that the sentence was lenient but the facts of the matter are still too difficult for the people to face up to and accept.

Despite all the denials about there being homosexuals in Africa, the truth is homosexuality has been part of humanity ever before recorded history, it is neither Western, Eastern, African, Asian or tribal – it is a part of humanity - it is not alien to any culture, nation or race - it has always been part of every society until religious influences made indigenous traditions and differences from the "norm" inherently evil.

People like them

The other truth is whilst many Africans might not be bold enough to admit that they practice homosexuality there are quite a good many that profess to be bisexual or have entered the convenience of a public heterosexuality and a secretive homosexuality – a concept known as being on the down-low [2].

The sad aspect of this matter is the partners of these people either as wives or husbands who do not know that their beloved ones are loving rivals they cannot compete against on the side.

Enough studies have shown that engaging in heterosexual relationships does not create a permanent conversion from bisexuality or homosexuality – if that were a matter of basic choices, I am sure many would have rather adapted to the “norm” than be chastised for being different.

People like everyone

Here, we find that two young men have made the honest and bold choice not to live deceitful double-lives that could ruin the lives of partners and children alike but decided to celebrate their difference and in the process have been criminalised and penalised for it – it is both a shame and an injustice.

Rather than have the public protected from people like them, these people would go underground with their public and private lives whilst we all jolly on in denial and seemingly justifiable homophobia thinking the right has been done.

However, the most interesting part of the judge’s statement is that he recognises that the society is behind in the times, he opines that it is a matter of readiness and it calls on other people in the Malawian society who do not think their views are represented in this judgment to speak up and be spoken for.

People in love

For some, this engagement was before its time but the truth is same-sex relationship commitments would still take place in Malawi and every other corner of the world where hypocrisy, denial and homophobia appears to thrive – if loving and caring in a same-sex relationship be a crime greater than “loving”, abusing and battering in a heterosexual relationship we have our sense of justice wrong and our hypocrisy exposed with shame.

Free Steven Monjeza and Tiwonge Chimbalanga today, they have wronged no one and committed no crimes, if we cannot tolerate difference then what gives each person a right, an identity and purpose in life is lost along with the basic sense of humanity.

Sources

[1] BBC News - Malawi gay couple get maximum sentence of 14 years

[2] Down-low (sexual slang) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Brother, I am calling you out on this one

My writings and thoughts

I have a number of blogs that I read regularly for views, opinions and angles on all sorts of matters.

In general, I write about all matters I find concerning but I am most passionate about justice, fairness and rights. Usually, this would be pertaining to the under-privileged, the unfairly treated, the minority or just a case of plain commonsense being lost to some absurd situation.

In these areas, the abuse of children and women attract my most activist stance, then the intolerance of minorities which would be on races, sexuality, ability and any other seemingly wronged perspective.

Surely not you

Before I went to bed last night I read a piece on one of the blogs I frequent when updated and I was left askance in bewilderment at first then that turned to anger but I decided not to respond in the heat of that moment.

Some 20 hours on, I find myself no less indignant of the myopic, intolerant and ignorant views offered by this seeming intelligent person who I generally respect for his strong views but in this case, I would be remiss if I do not call him out for the reprehensible views cloaked under the concern for clerical child sex abuse.

Indeed, for an institution that has been around for 1700 years or more, the Catholic Church appears to be making a botched job of the matter of child sexual abuse, where they should have been more empathetic to victims and very intolerant of perpetrators their concern for the integrity of the great institution above all else leaves the Vatican on the verge of the serious embarrassment of losing moral authority.

Paedophilia is not homosexuality

That said, one has to appreciate the frailty of humanity where vows of celibacy are taken but the urges for sexual expression along with the pressures of calling lead certain of the clergy to abuse the vulnerable and trusting in the off chance they would not be found out – the resulting paedophilia is abhorrent at best.

The sexual abuse however was not just limited to boys, girls were also abused just as one can say about oneself that the abuse started with a female and then it moved on to males.

Child sexual abuse is definitely paedophilia but a paedophile does not necessarily have to be homosexual, heterosexual or bisexual – maybe there is a preponderance of homosexual behaviour in these abuses but to conflate paedophilia with homosexuality and present them as the same is stark ignorance.

Sex is an expression beyond procreation

Whilst again the act of sex between heterosexuals is in the majority, its primary purpose cannot just be for procreation even though it does result in children. To contend that sex has no other function between people apart from procreation is absurd and probably suggests people with kids have only had sex a finite number of times not too greater than the children they have produced or something to that effect.

Reading that even reads as very silly, but it was one of the expressed opinions, furthermore, there is the tendency to allow religious fundamentalism to blind one to the existence of minorities amongst us.

Surviving as a minority

Homosexuals are probably in a minority in many societies, but that does not mean they should not have a right to the pursuit of happiness in whatever way they might see fit within the law, privately, consensually and maybe liberally too.

The idea my blogger friend put forward was the equivalent of expecting everyone to be heterosexual or nothing – extrapolating that oblique line of thought, it would be like expecting the minority of the black race in Scandinavia to conform to the type and forms of that region which by inference would be that they should be white, probably blonde and maybe blue-eyed.

Crass is what comes to mind, a jumble of ill-thought through opinions of bigoted slant expounded under the cloak of indignation about clerical child sex abuse does not help justify the atrocious views expressed.

Shame on you

To say I am disappointed in the writings of this blogger does not begin to show my disdain especially in a world where minorities of different kinds need emancipated voices to speak out on their troubles and afflictions, seeking fairness, justice and the protection of rights.

It is saddening that having lived for so long in the West; the West has not found any expression of civility, tolerance, the appreciation of diversity or the protection of the rights of the minority in his opinions.

Worse still is to express those views it so brashly, ignobly and ignorantly – I am sorry to say – My brother, I am calling you out on this one – shame on you.