Nigeria: Close this marketplace of institutionalised paedophilia called child marriage

These were not sweethearts

The headline read, “Man, 70, marries 15-year-old sweetheart in Niger”, and this was accompanied by a photograph on Twitter, the news story has a few more photographs. [Daily Nigerian]

My first reaction to the story as opprobrium, abuse and obloquy was heaped on the man was the feeling why in these times we did not have a system to extricate girls from such inappropriate pairings and end this atrocity.

Everything is inappropriate with this match and to suggest they were sweethearts is contemptible in the extreme. A sweetheart is someone with whom one is in a romantic relationship. You would normally see sweetheart qualified with childhood, people of comparative ages in love. Where this is deployed elsewhere the expectation is both parties in that affair are both adults and have free agency.

Excused to afflict

Mr Yakubu Chanji apparently has a reputation of keeping a tally of four wives in his harem and has allegedly acquisition of close to 20 wives, the attrition rate being subjects of him being predeceased or his divorcing wives who have lost their novelty.

However, Mr Chanji, it appears can do no wrong as the report says, “He is a philanthropist in Kwangila area of Minna. He has contributed immensely to the community, especially the building of the community mosque.” For that, he appears to be excused to celebrate his proclivities and his propensities without sanction.

A girl of 15 has a life of her own, marriage is hardly one of the life decisions she should be involved in, she is a child, should still be in school, amongst her peers, daydreaming and imagining a life that is not limited to providing sexual satisfaction to a man old enough to be her grandfather.

Where is the girl’s identity?

Our world of humanity has been humanised and civilised over centuries, not to live beliefs in the times of their origins of a primordial world, but to have been adapted to the changes towards better respect and protection of rights and agency, and it makes this arrangement one of the worst expressions of our thriving humanity.

If the girl had any say in this matter, it would have been imposed upon her, all the pictures in which she appears with the man do not show a maiden with her lover on her happiest day, it appears she would rather be elsewhere. If indeed ‘family and friends were in attendance’, where are her friends? Where are her bridesmaids, her peers, the other girls she played with before she decided this is what she wanted for her life?

I see lots of old men and some women who are probably making up the numbers. There are no two words for celebrating a paedophile given the licence to violate a minor with the law seemingly incapacitated to act in the interest of the girl.

This picture is wrong, this practice is wrong and there is nothing to celebrate here than the shame and disgrace that this can be condoned, allowed, publicised and given the free rein to impunity it must never have in the 21^st Century.

Divorce is just too cheap

How is it that in reporting about sweethearts, the man has all his names and sobriquets on show, but the girl is nameless, voiceless and soon to be invisible when she ends up in the paedophile’s lair until he either predeceases her or she is found to have outlived her usefulness and divorced?

Divorce itself is too easy, the man can extricate himself with literally no responsibility or liability, the woman he took off their trajectory of life and achievement left destitute and depending on alms. If only we had better divorce laws, ones that required divorce payments and alimony with the possibility of bankrupting the man if he found a penchant for divorce.

A woman who through a marriage has been dependent on her husband through marriage keeping the family home should by rights when divorced have the husband legally liable and enforced by law to make the provision to give the woman a sense of independence in means and ability. What has been truncated by marriage in the possibility of a career and some semblance of a fulfilling life must by restitution become a responsibility of her ex-husband until she can find her own two feet or becomes contracted into another marriage.

We have a long way to go in terms of the abuse of child marriage in the name of any persuasion, we must strive to end this market of institutionalised paedophilia pretending to a holy matrimony, which it is absolutely not.

Opinion: We laugh all the time - A case for gay marriage

I am for marriage

I have always had very liberal views on the issue of marriage that it has rarely bothered me what the gender pairing might be. Man to woman, man to man, woman to woman, if you've ever been in any of those shoes, love is a mysterious and powerful force.

The issue of gay marriage is more one of legal rights, in that if a person has chosen to live their lives with another, when certain critical life decisions need to be taken, the position and primacy of partner, lover, companion and spouse must not be trammelled.

Significance for the other

The situation where same-sex partners suddenly find themselves relegated by the family on the critical matters of life and death where there is no legal backing for the union is untenable.

Partners are people with whom one shares intimacy and companionship that neither family nor friend can aspire to. Hopes, fears, cares, anxieties and issues of life are exchanged in a bond no outsider to that partnership can begin to comprehend or unravel, it is unique between the people in that intimate relationship.

That family or relations might disapprove of the relationship does not invalidate it, lives are intertwined and hearts are melded, cleaved in a mystery indecipherable yet simple.

Religion is moot

It is such that marriage ceremonies are just what they are, ceremonies; the law recognises the civil contract of partnership and delegates a legal instrument to religious and civic institutions to contract marriages. A marriage might well be a religious activity to some, but it is fundamentally a civil contract that grants spousal rights to a chosen companion with whom a person has decided to share that responsibility with.

It is with that in mind that regardless of the age difference between Stephen Fry and Elliott Spencer, I celebrate the core element of the relationship which in the words of the younger makes compelling reading. He said, “I don’t care what people think, Stephen is the love of my life, the light of my life.” “We laugh all the time,” he continued “Humour is the binding thing in our life. I think that’s what brought us together.” [The Independent]

The pursuit of happiness

Now, if that is not the ultimate pursuit of happiness, I wonder what is. To have someone to laugh with, to cry with, to hold, to hug, to share the most intimate moments and know that when the biggest decisions are to be made, they are not sidelined, but significant, they should be front and centre, just as they have been chosen to be front and centre, bound in a union of love that sometimes dares not speak its name.

It took me a while to understand that in all this, sometimes marriages do not work and divorce is the only option for each party to find another hopeful opportunity for love. I had to unlearn my fundamentalist schooling to appreciate that marriages are never made in heaven but worked and played on earth. There is no fairy tale moment, just experiences, some good, some bad, some happy, some sad and if the fun outweighs the absence of laughter, you have a good thing going.

I am for everything that gives a tightly knit companionship of hearts legal standing, straight or gay marriage –who really cares? Let the significant other be significant in life and be very significant too in the eyes of the law.

Opinion: Now, a thought for Kenny Badmus' wife

On the one hand, praise

A couple of days ago, I celebrated the coming out of Kenny Badmus on both the matter of his sexuality and HIV status with the hope that his decision will give strength and encouragement to the many who suffer under the societal strictures of conformity and despair.

However, it was impossible for the matter to just end there, because there was one key guiding principle that I had to revisit after a bit of reflection and discussion, one of people who are hurt by the actions we take when we are faced with other difficult options we refuse to choose.

Kenny Badmus said he learnt this from his father: "Die for your own truth, even if it's unpopular, but don't harm others with it.” Indeed, I believe there is a very strong influence of this in his decision to accept who he is, but that lesson has come long after the damage has been done.

On the other hand, however

One cannot ignore the fact Kenny Badmus’ wife currently in the middle of an acrimonious marriage split is painted in a very bad light, even if she was culpable and responsible for the situation, according to Kenny Badmus’ side of the story, for continuing the relationship and contracting a marriage with the view of 'sexing' him into full heterosexuality.

What I did not read from his mea culpa was a clear sense of the personal responsibility he had knowing his sexuality, his condition and the fact that many might get hurt by his actions.

He in my view was a free moral agent, he had the choice not to woo the lady and end up proposing to her before it culminated in a marriage that lasted six years.

Think about her situation

One can only imagine the complexities and turmoil the lady would have faced when Kenny decided to begin a relationship and then she in turn became emotionally invested in that relationship and she was ready to give all and dare all in the hope that it would succeed.

Besides, one cannot begin to understand the whispering campaign that might have gone on behind her back within the Nigerian society, if at any time it was ever suggested that she was at fault for not being able to meet the full spectrum of the sexual needs of her partner.

I am coming very fast to the conclusion that the lady deserved better and a lot more from Kenny Badmus, that she is lashing out furiously in court seeking the full visitation of the anti-gay law on Kenny Badmus simply makes clear the utter sense of betrayal she feels about whatever intentions he had for her in the first instance and how he went through it all as if he had no will or say in the matter.

She, however, as Kenny Badmus gets on with his new life of renewed celebrity and acceptance, will have an uphill task of removing herself from the category of ‘damaged goods’ in a society where once-married and then this intrigue of sexuality and HIV status will always come to play, if she were to start a new relationship.

The harm done

Sadly, her trust in men will also be undermined, to what extent, one can never say. It might well be best to extricate herself from that society and community to build her life again in another country.

Kenny Badmus took his time to fulfil what he called societal pressures in getting married and in doing so, he did not really die for his own truth at that time. He took the popular choice of a society wedding and people have been harmed. Starting with his wife, then if there is any offspring, they are probably confused, his in-laws are probably scandalised, his family are probably embarrassed, friends who would have preferred discretion in association with him, his business, business associates, all have been harmed to some extent, from minimally to quite seriously.

Take some responsibility, man

Apart from the good of coming out, Kenny Badmus is no saint, not by a long hard mile, one must feel the most for his wife, she was never going to be able to compete for Kenny Badmus’ sexual satisfaction and I blame the fact that we have too conservative an understanding of sexuality and its expression in Nigeria. Sexuality is not just sex, it is a whole person, sex being part of the expression of sexuality.

Yet, there are many who have gone the Kenny Badmus way, their wives none the wiser that their men are on the down-low, many are going to get hurt eventually either in the secrecy that brings the unpalatable back to the matrimonial home or in the publicity that might end up destroying everyone involved.

We can make very hard choices and in the process save people from being harmed, I will submit that Kenny Badmus did not make that choice when he should have in the first place. He should share a larger part of the responsibility for the way things have turned out.

“Die for your own truth, even if it's unpopular, but don't harm others with it.”

Kenny Badmus: Thank you for coming out wonderfully

Coming out in Nigeria

Probably, not since Bisi Alimi came out on New Dawn with Funmi Iyanda in 2004 has there been a news story just about as explosive and interesting as Kenny Badmus’ coming out both as gay and HIV-positive. [Pulse.NG]

As usual, one look at the comments that post-fix each news publication of this story, and most especially the one on Linda Ikeji’s Blog, the vitriol out-numbers the support by more than 10-to-1.

However, let us address the fundamental issues in Kenny Badmus’ revealing piece, lest we lose the gravity of the substance from the sensationalism giving room for holier-than-thou sententiousness.

Previously, Kenny Badmus had revealed on World AIDS Day 2014 that he had been living with HIV for 15 years, the results of his tests should suggest clearly to many that being HIV-positive is not necessarily a death sentence, you can live well, be successful and thrive. Some of the comments I read on Linda Ikeji’s Blog were quite uncharacteristically supportive, I did not want to spoil it looking for the vitriolic ones. [Linda Ikeji’s Blog]

The pressure to marry

Kenny Badmus admits he was under societal pressure to fulfil the needs of typical Nigerian society to be married, yet, before marriage he told his prospective wife that he was homosexual and even told ministers in pre-marriage counselling to help dissuade from her quest for marriage to no avail.

The fact is, both young men and women are under pressure to tie the knot after a certain age and then they are supposed to begin to procreate, which in itself to many is proof that the marriage is working – in many cases, nothing can be further from the truth.

Even for a very religious and moralistic society, Nigeria has like many other places in the world a diversity of sexuality and sexual expression, and regardless of religious beliefs and we all do not believe to the same level, from atheist through agnostic and apostate, to relapsed, to committed, and to extremely fanatical, we fill the broad spectrum of beliefs in any religion.

Some will find some accommodation for heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, transsexuality, marriage, polygamy, celibacy, abstinence, adultery, fornication, lasciviousness, sadomasochism, or any kind of sexual expression – we are essentially sexual beings, at the very basic level.

You can’t ‘sex’ out sexuality

Despite the glaring truth, the unfortunate liaison was contracted because probably Kenny Badmus did not fight hard enough to stop it and also probably because his wife to be believed that she should make him straight, at least, she thought his homosexual predilections were simply a childhood disorder. I could almost laugh, but many do believe homosexuality is just a phase, a temporary outlet in the absence of opposite sex partners, some think it is an abomination.

Kenny Badmus alludes to another interesting fact, the tendency for women or men to think they can change their partners, literally ‘sex’ the other sexuality out of them. There is too much scientific fact out there as better understanding of human physiology and psychology in the last century has revealed that sexuality is a wiring of nature and hardly an adoption of nurture, in most cases.

That is not to say some people are not curious about the other sexuality, but to subscribe to the idea that all are curious, living a lifestyle rather than a life is as myopic as anyone can get. This notion is however, promoted by many religious leaders leading to the atrocious persecution of many who are already living a very difficult and secret life of guilt, pain and despair.

The pressure to conform

The consequence of this societal stance is no doubt why many homosexuals in Nigeria and some other unfriendly culture are living on the down-low; they have very public marriages, consummated with issue and yet find the greater sexual satisfaction in the arms of others of the same sex.

Laws and sanctions are not going to change the nature of man, the matter will be driven underground and become even more insidious. A society cannot forever ignore what it is composed of, that is, it will always be a representation of the broad spectrum of humanity, whether accepted or not.

After six years of marriage, the wife having failed in her silly quest to convert her husband into a single-minded heterosexual, divorce proceedings were instituted where the wife has allegedly perjured herself suggesting she had no knowledge of her husband’s sexuality before the marriage.

You cannot compete for sexuality

She probably is in for a bigger shock, because her vendetta exposes her to unintended consequences in seeking that her now to be ex-husband to be visited with the full force of that odious Nigerian anti-gay law. Kenny Badmus’ status carried some risk, though with an undetectable viral load, this might well have been minimal. She really should move on from this episode in her life than ruin it altogether with the fury of a woman scorned. [NAM AIDSMap]

The competition in the sexuality stakes is just too high, it is one thing for a woman to compete against another woman for a man’s sexual affections, it is a completely different thing for a woman to compete against another man for a man with sexual affections for men too, it works the other way too and it is a battle lost long before it has even started.

Live the truth of your life

A number of things can be learnt from Kenny Badmus’ story and I hope it helps many young Nigerian men and women struggling with their sexuality and being forced by societal pressures to contract marriages they do not have their hearts in.

First, is what Kenny Badmus learnt from his own father, “Die for your own truth, even if it's unpopular, but don't harm others with it.” More pertinently, I will say, live, live for your own truth, whatever the cost.

I hear of many desperate young Nigerians at the point of committing suicide just because of struggles with their sexuality, it ought not be so and I hope Kenny Badmus’ story offers some hope, stormy as the consequences have become, that storm will blow away for the calm.

Live a full life

The pressure to marry will always be great but you are never going to ‘sex’ away your sexuality, if a marriage is entered into with this lingering issue, the blow-back can be unexpectedly nasty. Kenny Badmus had to face the public spectacle and the shame apart from having to reinvent himself as his business contacts fell away after the revelations.

Being HIV-positive is NOT a death sentence, get tested and get on medication that can keep you healthy such that you can literally live a full life; do not suffer in silence.

More importantly, find an understanding support group that can help you through the hardest times, the coming out of Kenny Badmus strengthens him positively, he cannot now be blackmailed for his sexuality, he is free to be who he is, because he has fully accepted who he is.

Accept yourself and live life well

We all have that life’s journey, the journey of acceptance, from the denial of who we are, hoping we were something else, the depression that accompanies the incapacity to change what we have no control over, the anger of things past and present seeding in resentment and bitterness, eating away our innards, the bargaining that comes with rash vows we cannot keep, but the release that comes with acceptance of our humanity, our weaknesses and sexuality is the beginning of a new life. [Kubler-Ross model on the stages of grief.]

And like Kenny Badmus, we can begin to be really proud of who we really are, whatever that might be. We are all, if you allow it, God’s own children, gay, straight, bisexual, lesbian, transsexual and inter-sexual, we are born of fellow human beings and surely this should not be the determinant of character or how we are allowed to thrive in this wonderful world.

Thank you, Kenny Badmus, for coming out and coming out wonderfully.

Opinion: The Very Ugly Fall of Constance Briscoe

An ugly fall

It gives me no pleasure to write about Constance Briscoe today who from her position of influence and personal allegiance has become of casualty of a dispute that has taken too many people to gaol.

Just over 5 years ago, I wrote about her when her mother took her to court for libel, because in a book she published titled Ugly, she wrote of presumed abuse and cruelty she suffered at the hands of her mother.

Blog - Mother's love or daughter's hate

A vengeful plot

What makes Constance Briscoe’s case one of great personal tragedy was she had become an establishment figure and by that would have been a great role model to have been one of the first black female recorders when she was appointed in 1996.

However, she got entangled in the acrimonious divorce of Chris Huhne and Vicky Pryce, the latter who in the quest to make her ex-husband pay for his infidelity, got ensnared, and in the process suffered basically a similar fate as her husband, they both went to jail.

Constance Briscoe as a part-time judge should have known better, but as a friend of Vicky Pryce joined in the scorned fury of a deserted wife attempting to pervert the course of justice, providing false statements and much else to take Chris Huhne down.

Positional hubris

Obviously, Constance Briscoe must have thought her elevated position would isolate her from suspicion of impropriety and abuse, but the story reads like a Greek tragedy and possibly a telling tale of consequence in relation to what retribution might obtain from making a public show of our parents.

She would be going to jail for twice the time the person she helped, that's Vicky Pryce, went to jail for. For all the brilliance and ability of Constance Briscoe until she entered into that vengeful pact with Vicky Pryce, there is probably a character flaw in both women that they exploited to the full, and with it came shame and disgrace.

A salutary lesson

No one ends up the better for pursuing a vendetta, neither is there real satisfaction in seeking revenge. All participants get hurt and when that is looked at in the bigger story of life and some memories we bring to the fore that could possibly falsely accuse our parents of abuses they never committed – what comes around does eventually go around.

Apparently, the libel case brought on by the mother is still in court and because of this conviction, every other area where the integrity and honour of Constance Briscoe mattered, is now put to question, including the claims that she was abused by her mother.

It is a tragedy, a great one at that, and I am so sorry for all that have suffered, just because some people could not walk away from their irreconcilable differences without seeking to ruin others first.

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Blog - Thought Picnic: Earning the Pryce of Revenge in England   

Thought Picnic: Earning the Pryce of Revenge in England

England reveals you

Mr. Justin Bieber and his entourage that includes a management team that failed to manage the fallibilities of a pop-star turning into an adult with a fan-base that remains majorly a horde of delirious frenzied kids, might have left the country.

I have no particular dislike for the young man nor can I recognise any of his songs apart from the monotonous Baby that I could not listen to beyond the first minute before I felt like committing hari-kari.

However, England has a way of upending people, there is still a culture and expectation amongst us that foreigners fail to appreciate that they run afoul of all too quickly, Mitt Romney comes to mind.

Help this boy

Earlier, I had expressed utter disdain for the way he traipsed around London with his trousers sagging closer to his ankles than his hips, he deigned to appear literally two hours late, depending on who you believe on a school night for what was essentially a children’s party and then he had a run in with the paparazzi that Justin Bieber suddenly became Justin Bleeper for the expletives that were bleeped out in their encounter.

Walk away, he should have but his exuberance got the better of him and that became the news, that between the sympathy for collapsing on stage, going to hospital, growing older and the other issues as trying to get the under-aged into clubs for his birthday amongst many other things – one can easily suggest his management team be given the pink slip without delay.

Hell receives two new guests

As the saying goes, “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned,” we have seen the intoxicating power of revenge and vindictiveness that it consumes all concerned without respite or mercy.

Chris Huhne, a successful businessman turned politician and member of the cabinet not too many moons ago, took his eyes off his wife of 26 years, Vicky Pryce and laid them on his assistant – all hell broke loose and what had been a marital secret with all the little things many will rather not get aired publicly became headline material.

Apparently, Chris has a penchant for putting his foot down hard, well, on the accelerator and cameras littering English roads seem to get excited at ordinary men playing Formula 1 games on our roads, the licence plate number is captured and a little research reveals who the car belongs to – a fine, some points on your licence and maybe a custodial sentence can slow you down to a grinding halt.

A virtuous wife

10 years ago, Chris was caught but he had accumulated enough points to lose his licence if he admitted to his folly, so out of the intricacies of marital God-knows-what, Vicky, the apparently careful driver, vicariously took the points that should have gone to Chris – a virtuous wife who laid down her honour for her husband or as she claims a wife badgered and coerced to do something against her will, her determination and resolve was raped.

So Chris announced to Vicky that he was leaving her, Vicky in her own right is a very successful economist decided all gloves were off and set out to teach her soon-to-be ex-husband a lesson by revealing this secret marital arrangement to the papers, conversations and emails on the matter are quite interesting, thereby ruining Chris’ career, livelihood, fatherly engagement and earning him a conviction that would most likely include jail time.

Oh Vicky, what have you done?

However, in revealing this Vicky had a fight on her hands too, to be able prove that she also did not pervert the course of justice – after one failed trial and another speedy trial, Vicky will most likely head for the slammer too, she might even end up serving longer than Chris in prison – two lives ruined just because one could not walk away.

The irony of this whole saga is that Vicky is now in another relationship with a politician who also had to resign his seat after admitting he submitted false expense claims. Obviously, I will not attempt to draw any conclusions as to the kind of woman Vicky is or the kind of men she attracts; though I am caught between careless and unfortunate.

Into a book of fables

This is no doubt one of the extreme cases where vengeance becomes a black hole, the vortex of which sucks everything into the pit of hell. In other cases, break-ups that have partners denying each other support, parental privileges and other unnecessarily hurtful things that make us less of the people we are or are able to be.

Sometimes you wonder about how people who sometime ago entered into the contract of holy matrimony with all the fanfare, happiness and I dare say, love - after the passage of time and drifting apart that they need to go separate ways turn out to be so bent on destroying each other – they, rather than cherish the memories of the good times they had together, they obliterate everything in the heat of the moment as if that can compensate for anything.

Many newspapers did not need much inspiration to come up with the headline – The Pryce of Revenge – this must go down in the annals of history as a fable and a lesson – If he/she don’t want you no more, walk away and live your life.

Vengeance is mine, always

As if we were not warned before, this is what the Holy Book says; “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” KJV – Romans 12:19

Much as Chris should not have stepped on it trying Formula 1 tricks on English roads, Vicky should not have attempted to step into the Lord’s big shoes.

Nigeria: Women's democratic rights curtailed by Sharia

Separating the state from religion

When the more established democracies of the world decided to separate religion from the state even though the governed have strong religious inclinations they probably had very good reasons.

Nigeria happens to be a democracy but one where religious diktat not only encroaches on civil society but sometime gains ascendancy over transparent democratic processes.

A group of women had organised a protest for the 29th of January and this has been banned [1] by the Islamic authorities in the Northern city of Kano in Nigeria.

The bane of religious policing

The head of the Sharia police and this is completely different from the state managed and civil law enforcement apparatus opined that the planned protest was both an embarrassment and un-Islamic.

One would generally suggest that the reason why any group of people would join to protest for any cause would be because whatever channels for redress or grievance amelioration fails to serve its purpose fairly, judiciously, justly, satisfactory and expeditiously.

The issue on the mind of the protesters might well be a social and cultural issue which for reasons of modernity or enlightenment was about to find expression through the democratic right to protest. However, when custodians of Islamic norms – they being the Sharia police – interfered with this democratic process they risked bringing Islam into disrepute through their zealotry and their lack of understanding of the social consequences of their actions.

The plight of divorced women

The women protesting are divorced Muslim women who when divorced get thrown out of their homes, lose custody of their children and sometimes end up destitute according to the reports - the mental and psychological damage than can ensue from this kind of treatment cannot be quantified.

One could very well assume that these women are victims of domestic violence and might have been subject to extreme maritodespotism without any recourse for legal or social review of their circumstances with the aim of attaining a favourable outcome.

One would then think that where civil society has failed to address these deep issues of marital discord, religion would play an even better and compassionate role.

However, if religious leaders or those in the position to take presumably infallible religious texts and imperfectly interpret the texts without due regard for humanity and consideration those issues are then not dealt with and the victims are left twice without justice and done an injustice.

Religion failing humanity

Indeed, a demonstration by divorced women who cannot find justice and fairness in their communities would be an embarrassment; but where religious leaders have given up that opportunity for wise counsel for expediency; they allow for this injustice to continue rather than create avenues in which to properly accommodate the concerns of the protesters and advice their communities of adherents of humane ways of handling marriages that have irretrievably broken down and where one partner is of limited means.

In civil law, a divorced party should be able to claim alimony or palimony depending on the circumstances however when religion is allowed to become a legal framework for the policing of morality and social curtailment conflicts might then create tensions and unintended consequences.

In short, religion that does not address social matters of humanity with compassion and consideration with a view to fairness and justice is a bad religion or has bad clerics as religious leaders.

Kano is the more ridiculous now

For instance, the banning of this protest was to prevent Kano from being ridiculed in the eyes of the world – it is debatable if Kano has not now been more ridiculed by the banning of the protests.

Civil law and secular society in a democratic context has checks and balances, even though they may not be as effective as they should be or might be corrupted by all sorts of self-interest and/or selfishness, but the parties involved can be made accountable eventually, if there is a will for ensure it.

Legislating for morality through a parallel religious legal code and adherence of some religious lifestyle stricture can be problematic where the purveyors for religious management are not necessarily accountable to any authority except to some superior being.

Those leaders are NOT perfect

The danger also exists where religious leaders who have acquired religious knowledge and have attained a high status in society might be deluded into an infallibility complex and hence be unable command authority with humility, exercise responsibility with considerable and temper commandment with compassion.

The tendency to take the interpretation of religious texts to a point where they begin to personify the deity they profess to worship is rife and it lends itself to error, mistakes, misjudgements, cruelty, heresy and hypocrisy.

Democracies should be pre-eminent

For those and many other reasons a democracy should by its substance extend to any lawful and enfranchised citizen the right to peaceful protest and these rights should not be subject to the whim of some religious organ.

Where civil law enforcement does express concerns about a protest, they should be able to provide good reasons defensible in a court of law as to why a protest should not take place or provide adequate policing and security to allow for the protest and expression of democratic rights.

To goes without saying that religious law which for those in authority allows for the domination of the citizenry by an unaccountable and unrepresentative lot also deprives the citizenry of their rights to the pursuit of happiness in any way they see fit as responsible adults and considerate members of society.

All means to restore the honour of the women

There is no reason to curtail the rights of anyone in a democracy where the curtailment derives from rulebook other than the constitution of that country and this should not be restricted or subsumed to a quagmire of religious laws.

The whole idea of policing morals in the 21st century is not only ridiculous, it is preposterous and invites opprobrium from well constituted democracies.

In the end, what is at stake is justice for women and the compassionate review of the unacceptable treatment of divorced Muslim women, it is shame that neither civil nor religious law has been properly leveraged to restore the dignity, honour and integrity of these women.

Even in a society where there is no religion our sense of compassion and humanity should not fail to do this as a minimum – the protest should most definitely be allowed to hold for the sake of our democracy and despite the religious misgivings.

Sources

BBC NEWS | Africa | Sharia police block women's rally

Nigeria: Divorce mentions adulterous incest

The son of a gun

Far be it from me to profess I have the gift for prescience, but did I not write about the brood of African leaders and their antics a few days ago?

In that blog, I talked about an unguarded interview given a few years ago by Olugbenga Obasanjo the first son of the erstwhile President of Nigeria, Olusegun Obasanjo and that had its fireworks.

That seems to have been the tip of the iceberg of a saga that is almost too unscriptable for words or unspeakable to the hearing.

Mr. Gbenga Obasanjo has been involved in a lengthy divorce from his wife of seven years and had filed a 50-paragraph affidavit stating a number of salacious, embarrassing, reprehensible and corrupt allegations – they are explosive to say the least.

Adultery and Adulterous Incest

Obviously, if a divorce petition includes other parties, the moral implications of adultery are somewhat muted, but for an affidavit to cite the petitioner’s father for adultery with his wife and his father-in-law for adulterous incest with his daughter leaves other mentioned affairs lying in the dust.

This affidavit would most likely be sworn to and presented as a valid legal document in this divorce; it makes it difficult to challenge the veracity of the claims – they must either be true or outrageous to the extreme.

If this were not fiery enough, the petitioner claims his marriage foundered because he tried to put a stop to the adulterous relationships. For these sexual favours, his wife was won numerous oil contracts and business deal for her chain of companies.

The petitioner exposes a network of enterprises that could only have existed through influence peddling, corrupt liaisons, patronage, nepotism and name recognition.

My grandfather is my father

There appears to be two children in the marriage and their supposed father casts doubt on their paternity by seeking a DNA test that brings in his father and father-in-law – how reprobate can this get?

Some matters need to handled with discretion especially where children are involved though this matter of a seemingly seriously wronged man by his wife, his father and his father-in-law is a powder-keg ready to shake Nigerian societal values to its core – this case cannot be an exception.

But this can almost be too reckless on the part of the petitioner, representing the very ugly face of acrimonious divorces – if the children were to find out that their father is either of their grandfathers rather than the husband of their mother – how damaging would that be for the children and to what end?

Worse still if both children were fathered by each of the grandfathers – my head hurts already – this is just as vindictive as anyone can get and it is a shame. It is however reminiscent of the acclaimed vindictiveness of the ex-President; that his son can be just as nasty is no surprise.

Sex abuse in Nigeria

Now, these are the issues I want to address that get no airing within Nigeria and in particular within Yorubaland; the rotten practice of paedophilia, child sexual abuse, incest and the patriarchal domination of women for use as objects of sexual gratification.

Literally a year ago, I was invited through blog-tagging to talk about my first sexual experience, it was interesting to read stories of people who only tasted the forbidden fruit in their late teens when they could decide, consent and willingly participate in the sexual activity that some religiously bound would call fornication.

Within that orgasmic excitement was another set of voiceless people damaged by experiences before they reached the age of 10 by trusted family members, relations, neighbours, teachers or servants – boys and girls abused for the sexual fulfilment of godless and evil adults – I was 7.

The lack of family support

The need to shed more light of these evils in Nigeria is pertinent because abused children never seem to get heard when they speak and never get justice when the abuse is exposed – too many families are too embarrassed to deal with what is essentially criminal in the extreme and usually psychologically damaging to the child that the scars may never heal into adulthood.

If, and I say, if Gbenga Obasanjo’s wife ever had an incestuous relationship with her father, one can only assume that she had been abused by the same man since she was a child. It is a difficult thing to contemplate let alone visualize – words fail me.

The other issue here is the family dynamic, we get brought up in homes where we not only respect our parents, and we fear them sometimes to the point of trembling such that very personal matters like this never get discussed.

The focus of the parents is so much on provision – food, shelter and education that other social aspects of development are left un-catered for, we are already in the School of Hard Knocks from what is supposed to be the safety of home – it probably makes us stronger but leaves scars deeper than can be healed over time for some.

Any boy or girl abused at home should be able to call on the protection of either of their parents or close family members and the hope that their ordeal is addressed with concern, sensitivity, empathy and fairness – for crying out loud – this is supposed to be your family.

Big-man sexual industry

The other matter is curtailing the untrammelled propensity for men to see every woman as an object of sexual gratification with the excuse that the woman was attracting the sexual violence meted out on her person.

It is unconscionable that there are men in authority who use their genitalia to acquire sexual favours so as to offer women positions they could and should be able to obtain by merit.

Unfortunately, for some women, they are left with no choice in the matters of survival because these “respected” patriarchs who have no scruples, self-respect or moral compass.

Society does have to take a stand against the sexual terrorisation of women from rape, through abuse to sexual favours to offer opportunity, it is unacceptable that this kind of behaviour be tolerated – and for all the respect and admiration I have for Bill Clinton, this topic does leave me particularly disappointed in his lapse in judgment with regards to Monica Lewinsky – it did little to free women from the sexual domination of men in power in both the West and everywhere else.

As for the paternity of children in a marriage, if that needs to be questioned – we have reached the epoch of depravity from which there is no redemption.

The whole matter is disgraceful for all concerned by commission, by omission or indifference.

References

Perspectives on the battered child syndrome in Nigeria – Citation

Nigeria: An Exposé on influence peddling

The requirements for alimony

It is no doubt a personal tragedy for Gbenga and Moji Obasanjo with the explosive counter-arguments that have emerged regarding their divorce.

Worse still, is the damaging effect this might have on the children who have become pawns in the acrimonious and vitriolic squabbling that is being played out by their parents and grandfathers.

In the end it appears the husband is looking for the dissolution of the marriage whilst exacting a kind of vindictive punishment on his wife, the wife however is doing everything to maintain the status and style to which she is accustomed and has seriously lofty ambitions for the children.

Secondary school in Switzerland and University in America for kids who are hardly 8 years old, very few parents can make that kind of commitment even in the West – The privilege of being the grand-children of an African ex-President must be one to aspire to.

Assets, claims and qualifications

Beyond this squabble, the matter of alimony requires that a clear indication of assets and living circumstances be known for the court to set a fair and just settlement.

With that has come, claims and counter-claims between husband and wife. The husband holds academic degrees (MBBS, PhD, MPH) in medicine and public health, all his business dealings but one appears to be in oil-trading, construction and commissions-based influence peddling.

The one involving HIV/AIDS where in his alumnus profile he declared, “Understanding the complex effects of HIV on the African society and vice versa must take into consideration a very wide range of cultural, economic, environmental and biological factors”, he appears to be helping to negotiate something with a mobile phone company.

An investigator’s Aladdin’s cave

There are so many dimensions to this story, the humanity aspect concerning the children is the most disturbing but we also need to see how the determination for alimony has exposed networks of contracts, liaisons, companies and influence.

If the EFCC needed an insight into how the few control a lot in Nigeria, they probably should be looking no further than the families and relations of people who have held political power and monetary leverage.

It must be an Aladdin’s cave of information that could never have been exposed but for circumstances like this where an acrimonious divorce leads the parties to break ranks and expose an underbelly of the entrenched corruption, that has become a moral standard in Nigeria.

Opportunity to probe it all

Each and every one of these asset inventories exposed by husband and wife should suffer scrutiny on the following terms

• Can any of the parties provide a fully audited account of all their means of wealth?
• Were the businesses put under pressure to engage in corrupt practices through influence-peddling and patronage to engage these persons when other competent parties might have arranged the deals better?
• Where the contracts are with government agencies, did they commercial vehicles go through the due process of competitive tendering and win on merit?
• Where the persons involved have obtained commissions for contracts awarded, how did they get appointed as negotiators and I mean, is there any professional or business expertise that confers on them this status?
• Who are the directors of the companies that these people represent and are there any indication of a conflict of interest or insider-dealing that allows these companies to gain pecuniary advantage?
• Are these companies duly registered with the appropriate authorities, declaring the accounts competently and paying their taxes?

Companies involved

• Bowen and Brown Ltd (Quite a neat website) – Provides consultancy training and project management services to the NNPC (The premier National oil company), it also owns several oil contracts. How does a trainer or project manager get to handle oil contracts?
• Royal Properties Limited – executed contracts for the Ogun State Government having obtained concessions. Does concession mean this is a preferred business on the grounds of …?
• Co-ownership of a Bitumen factory in Ogun State with an ex-intelligence chief and has massive concessions granted by the Ogun State Government. An intelligence chief on the board, you have got the goods on anyone you engage and “blackmail” them to do your bidding.
• Linetrale Oil Supply & Trading Company Ltd – imports, sells, supplies and markets petroleum products, it owns oil blocks and is one of the largest importers of gasoline for NNPC, this probably rubbishes the denials that Gbenga Obasanjo got oil allocations. The amazing reach of a medical degree.
• Health Aids Support Services – HIV consultancy and working on transactions with MTN (A mobile communications company). Well, he is probably an expert in one of these fields. There seems to be a partnership of HIV/AIDS helplines and Q&A handbooks. This might well be above board.
• Glo Oil Limited & Hyster Investments Limited – Business activities not listed but probably vehicles for trading oil and other businesses.

Influence-peddling

Somehow, through these named companies and probably other clandestine vehicles they have obtained concessions – read pecuniary advantage through influence-peddling – to do the following

• The husband earns NGN 500 million ($4.3m) per annum as alleged by the wife.
• Obtain commission for the allocation of a NGN 11 billion ($95 million) construction contract, even just 1% commission is almost a $1 million. Looks like this is Mr. FixIt.
• Collect oil allocations from the NNPC as well as substantial investments in oil blocks. Someone has been allocating Nigerian oil to people as if it is theirs to use and abuse.
• Broker deals on behalf of foreign companies. Were they using the fact that he was the President’s son to gain access for which commissions have been earned? I smell the stench of corruption.
• Receive commissions for the supply of 800 vehicles to Ogun State. Remember the ex-President is from Ogun State. But I do not think any of the companies had any automobile industry connections.

Living a charmed life in Nigeria

Other assets include lands and houses one of which is disputed, land in Maitama, Abuja, land in Banana Island, Ikoyi, land in Lekki Phase 1, land in Abeokuta, house at No. 8 Ladipo Bateye Street, GRA Ikeja (Disputed), property in London and house at 14411 Andrea Way Lane, Houston, TX 77083 in the United States.

Cars include a BMW 3 Series, a Toyota Highlander SUV, a Peugeot 607, a Toyota Land Cruiser Jeep 2006 model and a Kia Opirus. For a family of four in Nigeria? These people must be living in a completely different Nigeria.

Consider the case of the World Bank saying 126 million Nigerians (90%) are living on less than $2 a day, in this number more than 70% are living on less that $1 a day and this is in a country of 140 million, indicating only 10% enjoy above-poverty livelihoods.

I am sure a lot can be read into all this, but like Jeremy of NaijaBlog said, what more is needed but for a decent investigative journalist to dig into all this morass and obtain the truth about how the Nigerian elite and their families have plundered Nigerian resources and opportunities to their own ends.

One of the brood

This just pertains to one son of the many (brood ) of the ex-President Obasanjo and there is also the issue of the contracts signed with a false identity by a daughter of the ex-President Dr. Iyabo Obasanjo-Bello, an ex-Commissioner in Ogun State and now a Senator in National Assembly, she is being investigated by the EFCC.

There seems to be no limit exerted in the corrupt activities of this family, the investigation of this one family might just reveal the extent to which other influential but corrupt Nigerians have wrecked the country.

It must be a worthwhile activity to any professional journalist and now is the time to give oxygen to the quality of our press and uphold the mantle of democracy or the little of it we have in Nigeria.

The sources are the sworn affidavits submitted as petitions by the husband and wife to the court concerning the dissolution of the marriage and the alimony requirements of the spouses. As published by Thisday Online and Odili.net.

Does gay marriage affect your marriage?

Spoof interviews

The spoof news programme called the Daily Show – Global Edition relayed on CNN International in the weekends sometimes brings an interesting light-hearted perspective to current affairs.

One such instance was the spoof interviewer tackling serious issues with the main proponents of their vested agenda.

Gay marriage happens to be one of the hot-button issues in along with abortion rights and stem cell research; however, putting gay marriage on the ballots along with the presidential election in 11 swing states was part of what clinched the second term for Dubbiyew.

The Democrats should have addressed the issue better and had it moved out of focus, but then there are more problems with being labelled a liberal than being a conservative, but then if a coin ever had two sides in, one side always seems to be bigger and wider than the other minor side – go figure!

The question

Anyway, the clincher question in the interview was – Does gay marriage affect the relationship between you and your wife? – The interviewee did not think that was a serious question.

In my mind, that is probably the most important question on this gay marriage issue and the activism that it entails. Exactly, how does one Adam and Steve couple stop the other Adam from getting on with Eve in another relationship?

In these modern times, whilst procreation is probably now the nominal consummation of a marriage, companionship and partnership seems to have gained ascendancy too.

Marriage as it stands

The whole furore about marriage really boils down to having ways of recognising an enduring partnership from which partnership rights by law should and must accrue if there is any justice in this world.

Any long term relationship social, business or nominal should eventually have some sort of acknowledgement, even so it could be legal and made legally binding – marriage in a general sense should be no exception.

Back to the question, if everyone has the right to partner with whomever they desire and the attraction amongst or between sexes leads to some fulfilment, then everyone should have the let to confirm their relationship without a majority trampling over the yearnings of a minority.

Other statistics

In this case, the minority is not the group having the highest divorce rates or involved in the abortion fracas, to blame the societal ills of failed and dysfunctional heterosexual partnerships on the advent of alternative partnerships is disingenuous to say the least if not downright dishonest.

The sanctity of marriage is between the primary partners, it is not a communal sectarian diktat to be imposed on everyone and withdrawn from those who happen to be different in their choices which are neither criminal nor offensive to the level-headed and reasonable public.

When you are confronted with the gay marriage issue again, just wonder how that business really does impact on your own particular affairs, if it does not, then let sleeping dogs lie. What does not affect your relationship does not affect your relationship, if you can accept that as truth.