Thought Picnic: Meditations at my altar to alter me

Addressing my doubts

I sometimes wonder what else I could be doing apart from what I already know to do to get beyond myself and begin to impact others. I can honestly say there is much more I can do than I have ever dared to do.

This is a constant refrain at the back of my mind, the times I feel the wealth of experience can be brought to bear in word, in deed or some other impactful way. I have waited for an opportunity where I should have seized it, my reticence getting the better of me for the fear of being too forward, too eager or too grasping.

What to do now

Yet, I am somewhat dissatisfied with many things and probably filled with angst about some things too. I feel like I need to break through some barriers of expression and engagement to do better than I have tried before.

There is a part of me that rues a time, a time when I think if I knew way back then what I know now, I could have been prepared better for the situation and the circumstances I am in now. I cannot, however, live in some parallel universe of wishing and hoping, I have a reality and a present that I have to breathe, experience the pains and the comforts whilst seeking a resolutory path to still make that difference I have always wanted to make.

A limitless horizon

Invariably, what I did not get to do then does not obviate the usefulness of starting now and going forward with it. It is a turbulence of thoughts, an unease of the mind, the turmoil of the soul and some foreboding that one must arrest before it develops into the incapacitation of fearfulness.

As the clouds hover to darken the day, I must know that the sun still shines beyond them and as the night brings on the dark, the same clouds out of the way reveals the vast beauty of the immeasurably distant universe of twinkling stars and galaxies that boggle the mind. I can daydream with the best; my imagination can wander past the impossible better than a hot knife cuts through butter.

It shall pass for the good to come

Hope keeps me alive with the possible, I comfort myself with the assurance of things always changing for the better, for that has been the journey and the milestones too numerous to count.

The circle is round and the cycle does turn, in penury, in providence and in provision, the inexhaustible blessing of sight beyond the seen, hearing beyond the heard, reaching beyond the grasp, imagining beyond the imaginable and excelling beyond the targets sets me up for new experiences.

The storm will exhaust itself; the calm will come and the peace that passes all understanding will settle upon my path to that which I never thought I could either attain or do.