Wednesday 15 November 2006

Getting my head examined

As I wrote about South Africa recognising same-sex relationships, there could be people who still think homosexuals should have their heads examined – I say, maybe we should all have our heads examined – the story of the man below shows that some people just have to come to terms with who they are regardless what others think about them or their lifestyles.

Loving yourself

And the story goes and this is not half the whole tale, as he relaxed and settled into the couch chatting to his shrink to help exorcise the demons that have plagued his life since he could ever remember.

How do you get to the greatest love of all? The ability to love yourself for who you are and then go out to the world and help people get beyond where they have limited themselves.

Feelings and men

So, he starts, I have had feelings for men since I was 7, I always wondered why; beyond the sexual abuse by my aunt and other seemingly innocuous bodily tampering by the house servants, something pleasurable about this thing was seemingly not right – I should get my head examined.

Why, bother? I would grow out of it, then in secondary school, the first time I heard the word copulate, it was one boy asking me if we could play, and play we did – I should get my head examined.

So, I had “friends”, not lovers, sex, but not as we all know it, I was a ladies man to everyone, but I had my eyes on men – something inside, so strong, maybe I am going mad – I should get my head examined.

The religion of self-loathing

It did not really become an issue till when I took religion, the animosity, and the uncompromising message of abominable deeds that got preached out to me more than the gospel – so, it was guilt, self-loathing, self-flagellation and the desire to die, then times seemed good before one fell into the self-same quagmire of abominable sin and incessant confession – I should really get my head examined.

We had deliverance, we prayed like the world was at an end, the Bible was my headstone, but my mind sought men. We were told, people had changed, they were gay and now they are married with kids – There must be something wrong with me, must get my head examined.

Secrets that amaze

Then, a leader of one of those self-help groups died and it transpired that neither his wife nor his children knew about his old life, so no one could send condolences to his wife – this is no life – We all should get our heads seriously examined.

The path to marriage beckoned, I will take me a wife and it would all be well, or so it was with the leader of an evangelical movement in America, then it all came tumbling down, he has been canoodling with men in secret whilst condemning gay marriage from the pulpit – Now, that is one head that needs examining.

Born gay or thinks gay

The fear of AIDS could not compel us to change our ways, the mission was to find comfort and solace in the arms of another man, is this thing in the mind or is there more than meets the eye?

They now say, we were probably born gay, who is going to find the gay gene and get it out before we are unleashed on the world, corrupting its values in self-loathing and pride, whichever way you see it.

How much of a minority can you be? Being black, being gay and being told you need to have your head checked out – a benign type of bigotry that portends to live and let live, but pronounces judgment questioning the sanity of homosexuality.

Sometimes, one asks, why would anyone want to go against the grain, against the norms, against the majority and against conforming to what is expected – why take the hard way and still end up being vulnerable, victimised, discriminated against and so on.

Being a homosexual does not make you any less a professional than you should be, it does not make you any less a contributor to society than the other person – they want your money, they want your taxes, but no, they would not recognise who you are.

Accepting who I am

As he got up from the couch, the shrink looking in need of a shrink herself, offered him a cup of tea and as he sipped from the cup, he said – I have won the biggest battle, I think, accepting who I am.

She replied, that is what I have been trying to get to you in all the sessions we have had, you do not need your head examined, rather, whoever is giving that advice might be in need of some re-education on this matter – they just do not know what it is to be a homosexual.

He put on his pink suede shoes and as he stepped out of the door, he took a whiff of the fresh air and knew he would have a gay day.

That afternoon of therapy came about as a comment on my blog advises that homosexuals should have their heads examined – I would have agreed in the 1950s when they were put in sanatoriums, surely, that cannot be the remedy to acceptance.

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