Friday 10 November 2006

Anally explosive

Hooked on crochet

At first, I thought I had flipped pages in my Housewives Weekly from the latest rage of crochet patterns to uncanny old wives tales, so, I sniggered and that grew into a guffaw, it could not be true.

Well, it seems to be one of the biggest stories on the BBC News website, apparently, a 22-year old man put a Black Cat Thunderbolt Rocket up his backside and set it alight – well, it went off and the new treatment of colonic conflagration is born.

I suddenly felt like a Darwin moment, but we were not offered the name of the poor thing lest we trace up the line the likely recessive gene that allowed this act of extreme entertainment to take place, he qualifies for the Darwin Award – only just.

Lock him up

That however does not mean I would not cherish a Galton moment in ensuring that the young man is consigned to a sanatorium and permanently curtailed in a strait-jacket where he can do neither the public nor himself any harm.

Obviously, some might blame this on the impressionable acts on Jackass, well, it shows how the world has changed that utter cretins and dunces that make mules look cute have become staple entertainment and people pay to see them.

If at 22, a man does not know that a Black Cat Thunderbolt Rocket would not take you to moon as fast as it could put you 6-feet under or conclude your cremation long before your last breath, I do wonder and fear for mankind.

As if to corroborate John Kerry’s view of dumb soldiers, the man is a squaddie and we wonder why Iraq is in the state that it is?

One additional instruction that should go on fireworks, from now on, should surely be. “Do NOT launch this from your buttocks”, with the reminder - " are not a cartoon character".

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