Showing posts with label Darwin award. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Darwin award. Show all posts

Wednesday, 23 April 2008

Does a Darwin Award await Father Carli?

All balloons no man

Hearts must have raced to the point of exhausting cataclysm when balloons were found just off the coast of Brazil.

Now, many would have thought this cluster of balloons was released after some peace event highlighting the plight of the suffering all around the world and Brazil in particular.

Unfortunately, the parson had deserted his vocation as is required on Sunday to embark on some earthly glory at the expense of feeding hungry flock.

Booking passage

Father Adelir de Carli might have been divinely inspired but his execution of whatever task he had been given is no doubt grand folly that might have him neither entering the Guinness World Records nor the Lamb’s Book of Life.

On Sunday, the father strapped to 1,000 helium balloons, with floatation equipment, a satellite phone, GPS and a probably displeased Father in heaven was planning to fly for over 19 hours and breaking some world record.

One however should not forget that there was a charitable cause to this seeming madness, the goal being to provide a rest stop for lorry drivers in Paranagua.

If as the news story indicates, Paranagua is a major port for agricultural products in Brazil, the government and lorry owner organisation should not have to be persuaded with stunts like this to make this kind of provision – it should just be there for all purposes that are good and healthy.

Lost father

It has now transpired that Father Carli is not under those balloons and he might have been lost at sea with prayers that he has not met a fate equal to departing this mortal coil.

If the Father had problems operating his GPS device, then that would have constituted a serious problem especially if it had been recalibrated to Mecca time, a disingenuous attempt by Muslim scientists and clerics who should be better engaged to grab our world time system and align it to the presumed centre of the earth, which some believe is Mecca.

I am no geographer, cartographer, scientist or cleric, but I know one thing for sure, the centre of a geoid is definitely not on its surface.

No Darwins yet

That should put paid to that religious ruse masquerading as good science but it is a most dastardly attempt to damage our time and date systems on the premise that our current time system was imposed by colonialists, it works; we need to be delivered from idle clerics whatever their religion.

Anyway, one can only hope that Father Carli is found alive and well which means he would miss the opportunity to be posthumously awarded the Darwin Award.

Between you and me, I do not think the Father Carli was smart and he could have done his charitable work through less stupefying deeds – but then, if he had succeeded in his escapade, I would have gotten a pin to prick all those balloons.

Friday, 10 November 2006

Anally explosive

Hooked on crochet

At first, I thought I had flipped pages in my Housewives Weekly from the latest rage of crochet patterns to uncanny old wives tales, so, I sniggered and that grew into a guffaw, it could not be true.

Well, it seems to be one of the biggest stories on the BBC News website, apparently, a 22-year old man put a Black Cat Thunderbolt Rocket up his backside and set it alight – well, it went off and the new treatment of colonic conflagration is born.

I suddenly felt like a Darwin moment, but we were not offered the name of the poor thing lest we trace up the line the likely recessive gene that allowed this act of extreme entertainment to take place, he qualifies for the Darwin Award – only just.

Lock him up

That however does not mean I would not cherish a Galton moment in ensuring that the young man is consigned to a sanatorium and permanently curtailed in a strait-jacket where he can do neither the public nor himself any harm.

Obviously, some might blame this on the impressionable acts on Jackass, well, it shows how the world has changed that utter cretins and dunces that make mules look cute have become staple entertainment and people pay to see them.

If at 22, a man does not know that a Black Cat Thunderbolt Rocket would not take you to moon as fast as it could put you 6-feet under or conclude your cremation long before your last breath, I do wonder and fear for mankind.

As if to corroborate John Kerry’s view of dumb soldiers, the man is a squaddie and we wonder why Iraq is in the state that it is?

One additional instruction that should go on fireworks, from now on, should surely be. “Do NOT launch this from your buttocks”, with the reminder - "Remember.you are not a cartoon character".