Saturday, 11 August 2012

Childhood: Last year at RSS


One morning in Form 5
It was during morning assembly, we were exempt sadly having been kicked out of boarding house the September before by a Parents Teachers Association that felt blanket punishment of everyone was better than determining who the culprits were who for the refusal of girls to come out to play had stoned their hostels harming the girls and damaging property during summer school.
It was literally a ruinous year for many because the strictures of boarding school were lost as parents had to find ways to handle their wards that had become day students where a majority had no family.
Substitutes of sorts
I was fortunate, I could stay with my aunt but the regimen of boarding school amongst peers after school for study, interaction and the preparation for final examinations had been lost.
To augment that, we attended remedial classes amongst those who had not been too successful the year before, but we were mixing with another crowd. With hindsight, I doubt it was extra classes we needed what we needed was the adequate setting for better understanding what we had learnt within the regular school system.
Our rotten lot
As if to compound the problem, the last session of the Sixth Form students who we had tussled with about positions of student leadership was leaving too and we found ourselves having to defer to our juniors who were now the student leaders.
That 3-set Sixth Form experiment was a disaster for our morale though even though until the time that it mattered to us, we literally adopted uncles and aunties of these sons and daughters of Anak who were giants in frame and knowledge to us puny kids barely into our teenaged years.
However, in Nigeria, no humiliation is too great for the punished because in some warped way of thinking, the punished will learn lessons, no one however audits those lessons to determine if they are the right ones.
The riot we became
What did I not see of those who were left to fend for themselves in town from parties to vices and ultimately a gang-rape that this time could not be swept under the carpet? The youngest in our year would probably have been around 14, I was barely 15 and the age range went up to about 23 or so.
I was quite tall for my age if my face did not belie a pre-pubescence of sorts, in the right crowd I did gel. At home, I also had my problems that made my parents agonise about where elements of my personality could have been derailed to become the reviled imp that had the tendency to suddenly shame them.
Seeds of life
It is probably then that the seeds had been sown that I could not possibly afford to have kids like me of what was visited upon my parents either from the emotional issues that were beyond my control that took a toll on all of us to the character issues that were in formation but had their wildly scary deviations – in the deep recesses of my mind even though I know now I am incapable of having them I still harbour the fear of having my own children.
As the examinations approached, we found study cells around town which got infiltrated with rumours of exam leaks and confidence tricksters circulated false answers to questions that many were smart not to use.
That morning
On that morning a teacher saw me in a classroom waiting and thought I was in a lower form skipping assembly, without first finding out, scolded me as they were wont to do ready to wield his cane when I told him I was in Form 5; sitting down, it seemed I could barely pull off the fact that I was in the right class.
When we completed our exams, the school did put together a valedictory service for us and for all the pride we have of having passed through Remo Secondary School, not one apology has been issued to the innocent boys who were unjustly punished in the Summer of 1980 apart from what the Vice Principal said that fateful afternoon whilst we packed our bags to leave – I know that these kids were not involved – and we weren’t.

Friday, 10 August 2012

Thought Picnic: I'm Not A Dying Man


Yes, we had the sentence of death in ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves but in God who raises the dead, who delivered us from so great a death, and does deliver us; in whom we trust that He will still deliver us. II Corinthians 1:9-10 – New King James Version
Finding strength
I have always considered this piece of Scripture quite profound and it did really matter to me when it seemed life was ebbing out of me as cancer took hold of my body.
I meditated on so many verses of Scripture to find strength to affirm to myself that I was not a dying man but a man with a future that I would live through this.
One should properly deconstruct this section of Scripture because it is important to understand where the will to live and the strength to carry on comes from.
The sentence will not pass
Paul in this letter acknowledged that they had the sentence of death in themselves, it would either have been by reason of their missionary journeys into hostile places or by reason of disease – either way, there was a sentence.
The realisation was that once the sentence had taken hold, they could not more trust in themselves to be free of the hold of that sentence, but not all hope was lost because they realised they could trust in God who does some amazing things well beyond that abilities we could ever manifest as men.
The first assurance is that God raises the dead, then He delivers them from so great a death which we can say included this death sentence, but His work does not end there, he does deliver and they trust that He will deliver if for whatever reason another sentence of death might materialise.
I am really not a dying man
It is amazing that there is a past, a present and a future component of this deliverance, we can agree that God is in the present continuous mode of delivering from the sentence of death.
Where does that leave me? I am not a dying man, I am a living testament of constant deliverance from the ravages of death trying to take hold of me either in my full awareness or in my lack of awareness.
The element here is trust, it should not be misplaced and it should be grounded on the basis of assurance that I am not a dying man.

Thought Picnic: Planning Ends


In the space of two minutes I read of two deaths all from my timeline on Twitter. I clicked on the associated links and read the stories of men who had done something their friends and colleagues that have survived them now write of.
Total recall
In the first article, I first saw vulnerability, the man was just a year older than I am and sadly had succumbed to cancer that had become malignant that all the surgeon could do was cut out what he could and leave the rest having closed him up he had general banter with him before telling him of the metastasis.
Did it not jolt my memory? It sure did, I have seen cancer up close before and it took residence under the sole of my left foot and had a way of letting me know it was there because the pain was unbearable even after the four different pain medications I took to just offer me minutes of peace in days of ache. I was sorry.
Suddenly taken
In the second article, it was about a man with wife and children, two already of age and the other two just coming of age. To all it will be a harrowing loss, I am saddened for them.
However, he did not know death was coming, he had just taken his dog for a walk and there – he had a heart attack and there his sojourn in this world ended.
His story now being told of those who knew him showed that he had been involved in interesting technological developments, ideas for business and even a start-up firm.
Planning ends
In both cases, I felt, whilst they had gone, they were not forgotten, then I wondered about what I will be remembered for and if it was not yet clear, I had better start working on something.
The first probably knew of his impending demise, wrote about it and faced its coming, though nothing is said of his having his own nuclear family. The other man probably did prepare too but in a different way as a premonition in investments, insurances and other means to ensure if he were to happen upon some misfortune his survivors will be cared for adequately.
Besides, one must have friends who will even if it is to close that chapter, tell your story before that book is closed to gather dust in the annals of time.
May both these men rest in peace and may all those they left behind find strength and fortitude to bear their losses.

Wednesday, 8 August 2012

Nigeria: Roll Back These First Lady Red Carpets


A Brief History of First Ladies
The concept of First Lady and the aura of officialdom that it carries was invented in the United States of America where the spouse of the sitting President or a lady relative in the case of an unmarried or widowed President served as the hostess of the White House.
Whilst there is no constitutional provision for the First Lady, there are elements of protocol and dignities conferred on her by reason of the position her husband holds.
Lisa M. Burns in her book First Ladies and the Fourth Estate: Press Framing of Presidential Wives (2008) suggests the following themes in First Ladyship in the United States of America as public woman (1900–1929); as political celebrity (1932–1961); as political activist (1964–1977); and as political interloper (1980–2001).
A Vulgarity of First Ladies
The same idea seems to have taken hold around the world with cliques of regional First Ladies gathering for all sorts of projects spanning one, some or all of those themes and more.
Nowhere has this role become even more prominent to include another theme of political aggrandisement and abuse than in Nigeria.
Sadly, the more recent First Ladies in Nigeria have left the graces and comportment one would have expected of them to become vain as exemplified sadly in the death by misadventure of Mrs Stella Obasanjo after a botched cosmetic surgery procedure, greed as depicted in the Wikileaks exposés of Mrs Turai Yar’Adua and Mrs or rather Dame Patience Jonathan appears to combine vanity, greed and a lack of moderation that leaves one astounded beyond words.
A Truth Commission Bites
Whilst it is difficult not to catch a whiff of vendetta against the previous governor of Ogun State, the establishment of the Ogun State Truth Commission under the chairmanship of Hon. Justice Pius O. Aderemi JSC (Rtd.) has brought some focus that should hopefully start the discourse about the role of First Ladies in Nigeria, having recommended the prosecution of the wife of the erstwhile governor of Ogun State.
Justice Pius Aderemi as a former justice of the Supreme Court of Nigeria I will presume is of the legal mind to properly assess these roles and even offer recommendations on how these roles should be undertaken.
Take Notice
A number of key statements in his recommendations are important to note and develop.
“The proven excesses of Mrs. Olufunke Daniel arose from the widespread abuse of spouses of Governors and Presidents when there is no legal basis for the office of First Lady in Nigeria. The State and Federal Governments should evolve an administrative mechanism that ensures that wives of Governors and Presidents carry out what they perceive to be their duties unobtrusively.”
“It is the view of the Commission that the victim established a prima facie case of criminal offence against Mrs. Olufunke Daniel,” Justice Aderemi said. “Mrs. Olufunke Daniel undoubtedly held herself out as a Public Officer by moving to the Petitioner’s house with armed police escorts and ordering the policemen to beat Mr. Odunaya.”
These two paragraphs are without doubt very lucid in the arguments that form the basis for putting the so-called First Ladies of any sitting official or even First Gentlemen, First Spouses or First Partners in their places.
The inference drawn here is that certain wives of Governors and Presidents have been given to both excess and abuse while answerable to no one, even though the immunity from prosecution their spouses have does not apply to them.
As We Stand
However the key points I want to make from these two paragraphs are the following.
  • There is no legal basis for the office of any First Lady in Nigeria.
  • An administrative mechanism that ensures that wives of Governors and Presidents carry out what they perceive to be their duties unobtrusively is need, more like a Code of Conduct and Ethics.
  • The wife of a Governor or President can be criminally liable and is not above the law if anyone might need to seek redress for their actions.
  • The wife of a Governor or President is not a Public Office, whilst they might have protective detail by reason of their status they do not have authority to use such detail to exact the law or forment activities that should be delegated and commanded by law enforcement officers.
  • Now for reasons of protocol, the First Lady with her spouse present should be accorded the status, respect and dignities commensurate with her spouse when accompanying him.

Diplomacy and Courtesies
There is however nothing in the Order of Precedence Act that identifies a Nigerian First Lady of any description in her own right, no wives of any public officials are accorded any relevance in the absence of their husbands.
The fact that the wife of a Public Official is NOT a Public Official just by reason of marriage means they are not covered by the Order of Precedence.
Husbands may however confer rights of representation to non-official functions on their wives to stand in their stead and officiate thereby but not in the substantive office of their spouses.
Any dignities, graces, courtesies and respect accorded the wife of a public official is by reason of the respect given to her husband, that respect does not automatically endow a right or status of superiority on the wife when her husband is absent.
Proscribe this anomaly
However, crude this may sound, the excesses and abuses of First Ladies in Nigeria now requires we roll back the red carpets, dispense with the nauseating obsequiousness and tone down on the unnecessary genuflection and fawning.
They should return to being hostesses of the Presidential villas and Governor’s houses to be sometimes invited to cut the tape at garden bazaars. The entourages and corteges of the sycophantic apparatchiks clogging up our streets to the inconvenience of the many should stop forthwith.
In fact, we should only see or hear of the those First ladies when their husbands are out and about, this whole charade has become nuisance that even the utterly uncultured can no more abide.
Away with the Marie Antoinettes of our age.
References

Tuesday, 7 August 2012

Thought Picnic: Let's Do Life

The vials of time
Over the last few years my life has revolved around trepidation, expectation, validation and dates all to do with that core element of well-being; health.
In intervals of 3, 4 or 5 months, I have met with my medical consultant to review the condition of my health as indicated in the tales told by my blood.
Usually, before the meeting, I attend the blood clinic at least a fortnight to the appointment to give blood for tests much of which in 7 to 9 vials makes me think I am feeding a vampire convention holding at the hospital. The most serious issues of life are best addressed with humour; it helps the spirit, the mind and the body repair faster.
The trials of the body
When I look back, I am in awe of the complexities of the body, I have succumbed to the somewhat inconsequential and amazingly, if not miraculously weathered the seriously life threatening – because it was not even three years ago that I was at death’s door gaping wide open to receive me from the ravages of cancer – the either/or prognosis was three to five weeks at worst and at best, it will all go away because they had all they needed to aggressively tackle the problem.
In the end, the best scenario was what won through; I am a living survivor of cancer with an improving condition of health despite all other circumstances.
I last saw my consultant in March and since then a lot has happened that I have extensively written about beyond losing my home, losing everything and still in need of a job – one thing that has been on the upward trajectory has been my health.
The victuals of consequence
My friends have been feeding me too well, I have gained 5kg, 5 lead-heavy kilograms of where is that weight hanging from? My doctor is so happy we are not talking about it; I am so concerned my pretend six-pack is looking like a one-bulge.
My blood pressure is a story of amazing calm under pressure, strain, stress, worry and much else, in fact, I refuse to allow any of those negative conditions to take root such that the readings remain squarely in the normal range and somewhere close to a condition close to my 20s than what is expected of my mid-40s.
However, the most significant indicator in my blood chemistry which was literally non-existent 3 years ago that in another hospital the slightest infection would have made me a memory had improved over time but was stuck within a range for over 2 years as if it will never change – today, I was just expecting a slight improvement but to learn that it had jumped 50% into the range of medically acceptable meant I had reached a condition of health I had not had for the best part of 7 long years.
Wow! Yes, Wow! That was my exclamation when my consultant told me the news just as he commiserated with me about all the other circumstances I had encountered. They have always been interested in me beyond the medical aspects of my health just as I have also been interested in them beyond the jobs they do.
The rituals unfulfilled
My treatment advisor was busy, I did not get to chat to her but I did wave to her, she later called and we chatted about how things had changed. It was pleasant, heart-warming and more than just good-intentioned.
The catholic pastor was away on holiday though I am beginning to wonder if the ogling of the other pastor does not indicate things I will not write about today, though I have caught an eye and much else.
As I am wont to doing, I always get a printout of the last three results of my blood chemistry to research and check the progress, I need to get more phosphate-rich foods into my diet, it seems, the other I need to research further.
The residuals of elation
In the end, I am quite buoyed, elated, grateful, thankful and happy, it is a boost to everything and probably my confidence too – I am reassured that I have a life ahead of me to live as my consultant reckoned that I had such a positive perspective of life that too few people have.
There are places to go, things to do and I have the wherewithal by reason of good health to go and take hold of life and live it well.
I am thankful to God, to all my friends and well-wishers, many known, many more unknown who have given, encouraged, loved and supported me in too many ways to mention.
Thank you – Let’s do life.

Sunday, 5 August 2012

Thought Picnic: In Forgiveness I Feel Hurt Deeply


Forgiven
I cannot recall the collective noun he used for the 4 types of forgiveness my pastor preached about in church today but I found that I could well put myself into a muddle on this matter beyond what I have ever considered before.
He started with the fact that we had been forgiven, forgiven by God, that is and with it comes redemption, righteousness, justification, sanctification and peace. Much of what I can remember of what I have read in the Bible.
As I meditated on the words of his message on my walk to the lake in my neighbourhood, I was caught in the throes of feeling so inadequate and forlorn.
Drawing parallels with the prodigal son, there is the element of forgiveness Godward and there is that which is man-ward.
I wondered if I had been forgiven by the many I have interacted with in my lifetime, my parents, my relations, friends, colleagues and whoever else. This was not looking good, I decided not to dwell on it.
Forgiving others
Then it was the matter of forgiving others; that came with its attendant baggage, there are things I have not begun to handle of my parents, my relations, abusers, bullies, some friends, slight at indifference and the apparent lack of concern I felt others might have towards me.
That again seemed to plumb the depths of unnecessary depression, it was something I needed to let go off and stop it from taking root in my life for there was some indication of bitterness that for all intents and purposes was unhealthy and worrisome.
There is work to be done on this that I most definitely need help, much help, I must confess.
Forgiving myself
We need to forgive ourselves, he intoned, that was a really difficult one because as I did walk down to the lake, a very ugly thought crossed my mind like it did some 32 years ago. Would it not be such a great pleasure to kill myself?
All seemed dark as I seemed to gasp for air and grope about as if to grasp at something to hold onto that I posted the following tweets.
Left to myself, thoughts wander in my mind that I should never consider because I dearly want a better story than this.
Closing doors to rooms where I can't breathe and opening doors to rooms with no light, I've become a stranger in my own home.
The serenity in the distance is distant because I cannot run fast enough to walk on water, my boat is gone.
I shed my blood and I shed my tears, feeling and emotion though for a while is negative, this will pass.
I think I have not forgiven myself, I must write to expiate this melancholy.
I am the ruthless saboteur of my life may it is time to turn myself in. I laugh at my folly.
The lake with the other shore over 2km away has succumbed to the optical illusion of looking like a wall just 2m high, I can do this.
Then it dawned on me that I have to forgive myself for who I am, forgive myself for what I’ve become, forgive myself for what I have done, forgive myself for what I have not done, forgive myself for where I am, forgive myself for how I got here, forgive myself for not seeing the child in me, forgive myself for not being the man in me and forgive myself for not forgiving myself.
As I bled from the blister I had pricked I shed some tears for myself wondering about an unsure future that lay ahead of me.
Forgiving God
Which brought us to the topic of forgiving God, I have stories I have not even begun to tell for which the questions still start with why.
Time has passed and time is passing as things seem to unravel with no particular resolution in sight. Pastor said that we should reach beyond our faith to trust, we need to trust in the faithfulness of God that He is for us.
We need to get to that point where we can say regardless of what might be our circumstances we are nevertheless fully persuaded of the love of God for us and that His sovereign purpose is well beyond fulfilling needs.
But, I have grown weary in battle, I don’t know if I have strength, much less faith or I am just bluffing my way through life in the hope that all will eventually turn out right.
Never have I needed one to confide in as much as I feel I do now, a hand to hold, shoulder to find my humanity and frailty along with just a stronger assurance that it will all pass.
Forgiven, to forgive, to forgive and to forgive is a whole process of letting go of much hurt and pain exacerbated by trials and adversity. If I cannot look around for I am alone, I am left to look up and draw on sustenance that has no doubt helped me in needier times that this.
It is well with my soul.

Thought Picnic: The Importance of Being Distinguished


The element of dress
I was on a mission yesterday, a mission to appear and say very little, in what was a basic exercise in the importance of being distinguished.
Indeed, I have been called a dandy but there is really nothing to it, wear a shirt but don’t forget to don a day cravat, don’t wear jeans, chinos are the bare minimum otherwise wear a suit.
If you are not wearing a suit, at least have a jacket on, remember never to do up all your buttons, if you have more than one on the jacket, leave the lowest one undone.
Never forget the pocket square, have a good hat and if you are using a cane, I use one because of my back, it should have the bearing that belies your sophistication and footwear can never be trainers, good leather possibly black and side buckles than laces are more to my fancy.
The presence of presence
We were visiting an estate agent's whose reputation for unprofessionalism, rudeness and abuse was second to none as if the agency chain had trained their staff to frustrate tenants at every turn, making rules on the fly and always threatening to levy costs at the slightest opportunity.
What I had heard of them made my blood boil, what I had read of the agency chain on the Internet showed that they had form. I was ready to be present and present a presence of utter disapproval with all the gravitas I could muster – I know why I do not suffer fools gladly and I know why I can say to any customer service person I am not a vexatious customer, only one with a particular requirement that I expect to be met.
Demeanour matters, always
One does not need to raise one’s voice, slow measured tones delivered almost with a lockjaw buccal movement is as deliberate and effective as it comes – presence is an art, never a science.
We arrived at the estate agents, they shook hands, I had taken a seat before I stood up to be introduced and then observed the proceedings from a distance.
The estate agent was unusually nice, constantly seeking validation for which I would nod or sometimes interject, corroborate or elucidate.
My job was done and my friends left quite happy with the fact that they were offered the courtesies, dignity and respect a paying customer should expect. Obviously, by rights, it should be unnecessary to bring in a cavalry of dandies to impress and impress upon, but if needs must, then must one be offered on the pedestal of the importance of being distinguished – clothes, whether you like it or not do make a man and the way you wear them says a lot more than you will ever know.