Down to the heart of desire

Knowing myself as me

I think about nature and nurture, the knowledge of desire and the things that make us who we are even if we are different and we are different in many ways, but we get along, all the same.

Speaking of desire, I have never thought differently about who I am even if I have questioned why I am who I am. I remember being asked when reviewing the issue of my sexuality with my religious leaders and sometimes with my managers at work whether I have ever been attracted to females, the truth is I have never had that desire, not in the slightest.

Misunderstanding the impossible

I cannot answer the whys or wherefores, but I know that the desire to rid myself of a desire I always had for one I never had was just a recipe for a totally miserable life. That is the complexity of sexuality and the absurdity of conversion therapy.

The idea that you can get someone to totally displace themselves from a desire they have for one they have never had is quite bonkers if not madness. Yet, many attempt to turn people from one thing to another, just because they think they can.

Acceptance is a journey

I guess the bigger struggle is the one of acceptance, first the one of accepting oneself, then the one about others accepting who you are, if they have the wherewithal to. At the end of the day, you are who you are and whether accepted by others or not.

Then at the same time, I observe the conflicts, the confusion, or the conflation of desire, even the fear or shame of the same desire that keeps people from being true to themselves first and then to others. The consequence being a double-life with the opportunities for exploitation and blackmail that makes for a secretive, paranoid, and unhappy existence. Many of us know about this.

Caught between desires

Along the way, there is the cohort that cannot extricate themselves from ambivalence, straddling different aspects of satisfaction of their desires that it becomes fetishized. Maybe I was a bit terse when someone asked if I like stockings and suspenders to which I responded without skipping a beat that I only do it with men.

In fact, I have been asked to dress up and nothing annoys me as much as anyone who expects me to pretend to be someone else for them to get their kicks. At the same time, I have to recognise that it is each to their own and move on. What I cannot completely put out of my mind and memory are times when I have been invited to meet someone casually only to see that in the absence of their spouse and kids, these men are playing the field with ‘taboo’ activities unbeknownst to their wives or girlfriends.

Here I was in a matrimonial home, in their bed, a cot with kid’s toys strewn around the house and well, there is life as you know it and desire as we seek to find it and satisfy it. It is a funny world and the journey to acceptance and being openly happy with it is still a tough one for many to begin, talk less of complete. C’est la vie!

Barclays Bank has severed its relationship with Core Issues Trust, that's fair

A petition I could not support

I was invited earlier today to register a protest in favour of a British Christian organisation called the Core Issues Trust that according to them works to help people with homosexual inclinations reform and realigning towards what might be pertaining to a norm.

Now, Core Issues Trust has a lot to say about themselves and that is a valid issue, I also want to know what others say about them because they are and the premise of their petition which I do not support is to have the Barclays Bank reinstate the backing services they have allegedly withdrawn from their putative customer at the behest of the agitations of certain forceful LGBTI groups.

Core Issues Trust avers that they are “a non-profit Christian ministry supporting men and women with homosexual issues who voluntarily seek change in sexual preference and expression.” Then reinforces the point by saying, ‘It respects the rights of individuals who identify as 'gay' who do not seek change, and supports dignity for LGBT persons. It does not support gay "marriage" - usually considered an "equality" issue, premised on the belief that being gay is "biological" and is therefore unchangeable.’ [Core Issues Trust]

It is Conversion Therapy

Yet, when I view the Wikipedia entry for the same organisation, I see another face of the organisation, “The Trust claims it is possible to change sexuality and offers "psycho-therapeutic" conversion therapy for homosexual behaviour and feelings. Core Issues Trust states it believes human sexuality in both men and women is a choice; and that sexual preference can and should be changed. The Trust says it does not consider homosexuality a native human behavior, but rather a relational or sexual "damage" that causes "deviancy" that it may be "cured".” [Wikipedia: Core Issues Trust]

My reading of this is unequivocal, this organisation is engaged in Conversion Therapy in everything but name, it is well understood that Conversion Therapy is not only harmful, there are laws being promulgated around the world with outlaw it. “There is no reliable evidence that sexual orientation can be changed and medical institutions warn that conversion therapy practices are ineffective and potentially harmful.” [Wikipedia: Conversion Therapy]

However, I respect the right of Core Issues Trust to render whatever services they deem necessary as their somewhat wholesome contribution to society whilst bearing in mind that many organisations involved in sexuality realignment have folded in comprehension of the reality of what core sexuality pertains.

Freedom to harm others

Core Issues Trust remonstrates that this matter is one of religious freedom and from their perspective, it might be, but I take exception to people and organisations who project their freedoms as the licence to act according to their beliefs that would inadvertently or demonstrably harm others.

I see no difference between their situation and that of hoteliers who provide services to the public but select their customers in line with their prejudices against the broad spirit and letter of trade descriptions laws. It is illegal and they get sanctioned when it comes to the notice of the authorities.

As I have written before, if you want to limit the scope of your services or influence to a particular cohort, you have to be in a confined ghettoised community of that homogenous cohort, the moment your doorway is in the public space, your prejudices would have to be lost to a liberal clientele.

Find a Christian bank

Whilst I do sympathise with the loss of banking services to the Core Issues Trust, it is a matter of reputational consideration that they have also lost the services of PayPal and MailChimp, they have courted controversy for a while that it probably does not need much activism to render them a negative customer to consider a business relationship with. [BBC News: High Court hears 'ex-gay' ad ban 'a political issue']

On the point that Barclays Bank unilaterally without notice or consideration withdrew their banking services, I would quite reticent to think a global organisation like Barclays Bank did not have extensive and involved processes that put this matter before panels of intensive debate and analysis before reaching that conclusion.

It made amusing reading when in their petition they attempted to join issues with Barclays – Qatari deal of 2008 when the Qataris came to the aid of the bank during the financial crisis. It was neither germane nor necessary, yet, interesting.

My advice to the Core Issues Trust who have such high Christian principles is to find a bank that supports their value system, maybe a Christian bank. Barclays Bank is not the only bank in the world, and it is not that Barclays Bank has seized their funds if they do find another bank to provide those services. Petition all you want, the decision has been made, contest it in court, if you’re so aggrieved.