Stripping the "Great" out of Britain

Returning home for Easter

And so the naval personnel would return home just in time for Easter and the UK-Iran Crisis of 2007 is over.

Well, many would assume it is, the people are free, and the Iranian diplomat who was abducted in Iraq suddenly materialised at the Iranian embassy yesterday and it appears another consular official would be able to see the 5 Iranians who have been in American custody since January.

They were granted their freedom as a gift to Great Britain by Dr. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the firebrand, hard-line President of the Islamic Republic of Iran, the adjectives the West has bestowed on this man become almost irrelevant in the face of this humanity and kindness.

Agree to disagree

We can as well agree to disagree that our naval personnel were arrested in Iraqi or Iranian waters depending on whose map you are viewing, or basically, it was fair game on either side. As for the patrolling of Iraqi waters with a UN mandate, let us not plumb the depths of the dishonesty that has brought us thus far in the Middle East.

We can however recall that this time 25 years ago, Mrs. Margaret Hilda Thatcher, the Prime Minister then was busy putting the Great back in Britain and with it sowed the seeds that kept the Conservative Party in power for another 13 years.

Then, the territory under dispute since 1830 but deferring to the British was overrun by the military junta of Argentina; the 3 lions roared and thumped the Argentines out of the Falkland Islands with the loss about 1,000 lives however, leaving Great Britain beaming with patriotic fervour - Rule Britannia! Britannia rule the waves was the waking call of anyone who deigned to be British.

Nothing great going on

Today, we cannot say great diplomacy was at play, no great satisfaction that we have proven our point, no great triumph having been overwhelmed at sea by Iranians who have suffered sanctions for decades.

It is arguable that tepid warnings from the UN, the strident support of the EU and the bluster of the US did nothing to help the situation; our diplomats had to relearn the principles of bilateral negotiations rather than the failed US policy of international isolation.

Them and us

The naval personnel would return and be made to recant all their recorded confessions of having trespassed on Iranian nautical territory; the tabloids would lay out full spreads of the gallantry of the lady and the men in the midst of enemy territory.

And whilst making a public show of these detainees could have been against the Geneva Conventions, they were portrayed in places that no one could fault as being inhospitable or uncomfortable.

We, the stricter adherents of the Geneva Conventions would probably not even provide that quality of facility to those in our Western detention centres; at least, recently, we have heard more of their people being tortured and mistreated amongst us and seen lots of our people being well treated amongst them, except in Iraq of course amongst the insurgents.

However, by the time the tabloids have unravelled this saga and milked every ounce of newsworthiness out of this farce, nothing great would have been achieved for Great Britain.

The future can be bleak

In fact, the danger is if any of our people do end up trespassing in Iranian territory again; their treatment may not be as lovely as we have once seen and then a trial on the tenets of Sharia Law might just be the trigger for another poorly fought war in the Middle East.

Surely, this is all has just stripped the Great out of Great Britain; one wonders what great adventure our leaders might seek to repair the damage done, in the near future.

Welcome Home! But heroes would be too strong a word to use in any context.

Lift me down

Another email needing some airing

We get all sorts of emails in the office and many just make you want to throw your system out of the window in rage or disgust when you get copied in on stupid power-plays which do everything to increase your stress levels and force you to take sick leave.

Now, the text below came in an email we received from our Facilities Management Department this morning, something to do with our lifts.

The Notice - Elevators

As you all have noticed, the elevators in the main office are regularly 'under repair'.

Partly this is due to intensified heavy-duty use because of the Great Place renovation project: heavy loads are transported via the elevators which has its impact on the machinery.

Another reason of frequent defects is the irregular handling of the elevator doors in order to keep them open. Elevator doors close and open automatically. The doors can also be kept open manually by pushing the <<>> button inside the elevator, or by breaking the infrared door-beam. An automatic door should never be kept open by manual force: doors should not be forcedly kept open, they should not be touched at all.

Finally the increased frequency of the repair of the elevators in the Atrium is related to excessive use (they are even used for one floor up or down), old age and wear & tear. These elevators are operational since 1987 when the building was opened, and without drastic measures we can no longer guarantee a smooth and flawless running for a long period.

For all these reasons it has been decided to completely replace the elevator engines. We are about to start the tender process to select new engines which we hope to have installed in the second half of this year.

Sorry for the inconvenience - although not using the elevators has various environmental, physical and economical benefits.

So this means

The lifts would be out of order for a while whilst they arrange for someone to try and fix it, meanwhile, we can reduce our carbon footprint but using the spiral staircase that has those going up using the thinner part of the steps.

We should however feel good because this means we are becoming green-conscious, and for those of us who use canes, we have just been whipped for trying to make our lives easier.

Meanwhile, here I am pushing the hail button and it looks like I am standing for England.

INEC can, Atiku can

A court tussle begins

If ever you really wanted to muddle up something, you get the lawyers and courts involved - Sorry wigs, the evidence is there, every time.

So, earlier today an appeal court ruled that the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) could bar candidates from running in the elections taking place this month, which some read as a blow to the ambitions of the Vice President to contest as the presidential candidate of the Action Congress.

Now, the Federal High Court has said that INEC must allow the Vice President to run in the April elections.

The interesting part is that the appeal court is somewhat superior to the Federal High Court, but as the latter's decision comes after the former, one does wonder where the trick of this big conundrum would unravel.

If courts have to take on each other, then Nigeria has really evolved to a higher state of legal jurisprudence, it is worth looking at this very closely.

For Alan Johnston

We are gathered

The subtlety of the way our secular world pervades all aspects of life could not have been more poignant than when the colleagues, friends and well-wishers of Alan Johnston - the BBC journalist captured in Gaza 3 weeks ago - gathered outside Bush House (Home of the BBC World Service) in London to demonstrate, protest, support and call for the release of their friend.

The head of BBC Journalism addressed the crowd highlighting other people who had joined in support to demand his release.

Then his entreated everyone to join in a minute of silence for Alan Johnston and his family.

A switch went off in me; I thought minutes of silence were for recognition, remembrance or memory of those who had crossed to the great beyond.

This is not to suggest that some other party amongst the clamour knows more about the welfare of Mr. Johnston than we all know, but I more expected either a moment of silent prayer or even having a priest leading people in some short devotion of supplication.

I do believe in the efficacy of prayer driven by faith, the significance of a moment of silence in seeking the release of a hostage does leave me a bit befuddled and definitely not convinced that this show would lead to much - a gesture it was, but it can be argued, it was quite empty.

However, I do add my voice to the call to release Mr. Johnston, unconditionally and forthwith - this man provides a perspective of the Palestinian situation that we rarely get to see or understand, the captors are doing their cause no good at all.

Prescience or premonition

April blues day

Somehow, I could not be bothered about writing a long April Fool's mock-up for my readers' entertainment this year, I was not that inspired.

However, noticing that someone had been tugging at my entry last year, I returned to read what I had put up.

I would not call myself prescient but I probably can claim credit for predicting the resignation of John Bolton.

Bolton Bolts

The least celebrated and most controversial appointment in George W. Bush's tenure has handed in his resignation having not been able to persuade the UN Security Council of the need impose sanctions on Iran.

There probably were signs that this would have happened anyway, but this was still 7 months before the mid-term elections and this would not have happened if the Republicans had swept the Congress, which they did not.

Before, I start receiving calls about fortune-telling, my crystal ball has gone for repairs, the only tea leaves I am interested in are Fortnum & Mason's Earl Grey blend, I don't do palms that do not have exquisitely manicured fingers all augmented with crude plastic surgery and if you look into your eyes - well, really, I am not that interested.

The prediction - Bolton Bolts.

The coming to pass - Bolton Bolts.

Numbers on lifts and people

Which floor please? 13

You probably have heard it many times before; there usually is no 13^th Floor in hotels, well, you do need to be in such a building to see that for sure.

Basically, superstition and irrational thinking is the not the exclusive reserve of uncivilized Barbarians or savages in the deep jungles of some faraway land, ever-present in the hub of the lands of liberty, freedom and godlessness, builders would not deign to number a floor 13.

In fact, One Canada Square, one of the somewhat imposing business offices in London does have a thirteenth floor, but it is uninhabited, rather it contains only air-conditioning equipment.

Well, I happen to be lodged on the 14^th Floor of the Novotel Hotel beside the British Library and there is no 13^th Floor. Oops! I let the cat out of the bag, I'm in London till tomorrow.

One of the lifts at Novotel Euston

Numbered people

This use of numbers also applies to another interesting but disturbing scenario; the Time Magazine takes us on a journey through a counter-insurgency raid just outside Baghdad where they had once cleared out insurgents but failed to keep free.

It transpires that they divided the village into numbered sectors and then issued a curfew or clampdown on the village; however, after they had written the sector numbers on the backhands of the women and the back of the necks of the men.

One would suppose this came out of the doctoral thesis of General Dr. David Petraeus on counter-insurgency measures.

The pictures did show distress amongst the family depicted, though, they sensibly did not append the numbers to the ladies necks because that would have involved undressing them by taking off their scarves. The indignity of it all was still evident.

History returning nicely

It is probably essential and expedient to ensure that none of the villagers are caught in other sectors of the town when there is a clampdown.

The writing is probably in indelible ink which would wash off, if the water supply is there in a few days since it would have been an overkill to hire Halliburton to tattoo the numbers on the people.

One cannot help but realize that numbers were part of the game in Holocaust Germany, the victims can still show you the number identifiers - amazing how history just creeps up on you without warning and because this is the War on Terror, it is not the same, only very different; thus, will go the argument.

Not any Joseph will do

Hit me again

Yes, the masochist in me was sentenced to watching the first few minutes of Any Dream Will Do and it became clear that the audio mugging I was receiving made the aural version of the Spanish Inquisition sound like nursery rhymes.

The soppy supportive guardians, or even parents who would call a droopy faced talentless half-trick dog a genius, almost made me shed a tear, albeit in recognition of love and somewhere near disgust; well, one needs encouragement from somewhere, but really, it has to be objective and truly sincere, blood-ties apart.

By the time the show ran for 10 minutes, I had had it, the wailing, caterwauling, screaming and crescendos like meteors whistling through the wind to create utter destruction. At one time, it was like a banshee's convention, but like a dark night sky, some stars began to twinkle from the depth of the large dark mass of the universe of deluded people who had convinced themselves beyond their safety.

A tall order

Maybe, they should have heard what Baron Lloyd-Webber was looking for, a cross between Justin Timberlake and Michael Jackson, when Michael Jackson's talent was so annoyingly in-your-face genius, critics committed suicide if they could not see the raw talent.

Many who appeared at the auditions should really keep their day jobs, it takes years of meticulous determined planning to make a career, these lotteries of the Pool of Bethesda where the crippled would never get in the water after an angel stirring are games of chance at first, but really, this requires serious talent, a good deal of money is going into this stuff and the discerning paying public would not be thinking of amateur dramatics.

Bellow of the bellows

In fact, one can see that the reality show format does help to introduce the performer to the public over 4 months and hence he would not be a complete unknown at the end, but the many who have made fools of themselves would have give us entertainment that consists of a cringe and a laugh.

Lungs are an essential organ for voice and singing as they feed the vocal cords to make sound, but I thought some lungs might have a more fulfilled calling in an ironmonger's shop as bellows to heat the forge and mercifully bellow to call out about the din of the shop.

I would now just watch this for reviews and probably the final when some talent might just be evident, but like the Baron said - Not any Joseph will do. My ears need a rest.