Thought Picnic: A clam seeking calm

A fish climbing trees

I find that I could be quite internally irritable, seeking the convenience and comfort of my recluse than engage with anything or anyone. Probably a matter of the temperament and the inclination to withdraw into my own shell like a clam. And like a clam, I naturally do not want to be prised open, for the clam shells open to filter feed and close for protection and security.

Obviously, one is not channelling one’s apparently piscine attributes, it is not like I have taken to water like any of the inhabitants therein. Yet, it is an aspect of my personality that is mostly misunderstood and whilst I could be tempted to make excuses for the how and the why I choose not to communicate, I appreciate that people need to communicate and interact even reluctantly.

Just being human

I wonder if in my phlegmatic state if mind, I have become sclerotic or I am just putting too much thought into this when I should just make allowances within the tolerances of the elements of endurance, I have the capacity for. I sigh in the quest for all the mental energy to contain my circumstances, of commission, of omission, of admission, or immersion in the things I control and those I cannot.

Then, I am not a complex or complicated being, more misunderstood and unknown, to whom aspects of predictability have been ascribed by reason of expectations that are not essentially true. It is not a case of enigmatic, it is one of being human, with all the accoutrements of vulnerability, unreasonableness, irascibility, and occasional sensibleness. This is a work in process with too many imperfections finding a means of expression.

Young men need to calm down

Kicking the bus in the balls

He was shouting and probably remonstrating about something when he got off the bus and without catching his breath, still in a tirade, he proceeded to kick the bus. The bus winched and groaned at being kicked straight in the balls.

Not exactly. Whatever might have started the altercation, he was really ejected from the bus, in his anger and petulance, he began kicking the bus to make a point. Meanwhile, the bus rolled away from the bus stop and he was left there to kick a bin and then the bus stand.

It is not the end of the world

Young men need to learn to calm down. Take control of their emotion and exercise a bit of self-control. Whilst, a lot can so easily escalate, that same situation can be tempered down to irrelevance. It all depends on how a person decides to react.

He missed a bus journey he probably could have enjoyed and had to wait probably another 15 minutes before another bus came by. It is quite likely, he would have simmered down by then, rather than have fire, smoke and steam coming out of his mouth, nostrils and ears in that order.

As I pondered on this matter walking back to my hotel, at another bus stop, someone asked me a question in French that I did not understand. Before I could explain myself, he began swearing and cursing at me, he also kicking the bus stand. I was exasperated, saying nothing, I kept walking along, now wondering about the many angry young men who lose out just because they cannot calm down a bit.

Maintain composure and perspective

This brings me to an event in the news a few weeks ago. This about two young men who by my reckoning could easily pass for my son, if I had by happenstance had issue. They were fledgeling models building a profile in their professions when the one said to the other than he had slept with the other’s girlfriend. [BBCNews]

By the time you knew what was happening, they had met up for a fight, one side armed with dumbbells and the other armed with three knives including a machete, over an unsubstantiated claim of one having slept with another’s girlfriend. The young man who took umbrage at having his girlfriend in the arms of a rival got stabbed and he died.

What needless, senseless and careless loss of life over what by terms should be a trivial matter. Egos and personalities without capacity or inclination to contemplate consequence. A gross lack of apprehension for the future, by living only in the present and now. Respect has become a precious commodity, linked with a feigned sense of honour and dignity that everything is sacrificed to maintain that status after which all is lost.

What if they decided to reflect for once and step back from careering down the road to perdition? A silent voice that spoke into the consciousness of one that suggesting, backing down does not mean a loss of face, defeat or person.

Calling me chicken doesn’t make me one

I know the number of times I have been called a chicken, in the desire of that person to get me to do what I have decided not to do. A chance encounter could define an entire future, but that encounter alone when veering towards the negative is probably the best sign to disengage.

Walking into a park one sunny afternoon and seeing a friend, I went to offer greetings and pleasantries as one of his acquaintances urged me to sit on the grass. I had no intention of sitting on the grass, so I stated, I would rather sit on a bench. At which point he called me a pretentious git and asked if I thought I was better than those sitting on the grass.

I responded, everyone has made their choice to sit where they want to, I have decided, I prefer to sit on the bench and I don’t care for whether he accepts my decision or not. We parted company, not in the friendliest of terms, but I knew that only that circumstance would have put us in the same space. There was every likelihood, there would be no other encounter between us.

Take a time out and take it easy

I take a laidback approach to things, I hate to be in a rush, I make time for activities I have planned, I would step out of the way of those to whom time has become the most expensive commodity. I can take offence yet refuse to be offended or slighted. This all comes with a keen sense of self and the ability to brush it off.

The quest for respect is not a goal, it grows out of conduct, comportment, demeanour and stature. There are cases where respect needs to be demanded, it is never with brawn. We have reached a level of civilisation where conversation, ideas, knowledge and wisdom should suffice in settling issues. We can agree to disagree without becoming disagreeable as we aspire to a greater level of gentlemanliness.

I do hope that young men begin to realise there is more to life beyond that momentary hot-headed where the absolutely regrettable becomes an ever-present possibility. There is more respect, honour, dignity and integrity to be had in the future if you can walk away from a volatile situation now.

A blogger without a corset

Writing as expression

During recent exchanges with friends, I began to wonder why I do blog. Well, I have views, I have opinions, I have prejudices and I have bigotries, a blog is probably a forum to expose those weaknesses of scripted diarrhoea.

I like to write about a lot of things, I began this foray into opinion writing long ago when I was in secondary school, unfortunately, in one instance, my text was full of errors a that junior took the opportunity to crucify me with the put down that I was not worthy of a school certificate pass in English.

But for long, I have been better at expressing myself verbally than in writing, that seems to be levelling out, English by the way is my mother tongue by reason of it being my first language of expression as opposed to Yoruba, my parents tongue which I only began to speak well just around the age of 10.

In polytechnic I wrote under the pen name of Who Else and posted my diatribe in front of the college restaurant, however, it provided no means of exchange and commentary.

Over time, lots of professional friends advised my to go into technical writing since I seem to have the knack for breaking down technical complexities into everyday analogy, but I never really developed that ability beyond the occasional service on newsgroups.

So, I blog for many reasons and when I started blogging in December 2003 and it felt like a release, because the complaints and frustrations I have had over time could be articulated better with the thinking that attends the opportunity to write.

Temperamental at worst

Besides, I have found that bits of my history and large swathes of my memories have been recalled as I have put together my copy, in fact, I am at times fearful for what I remember and the way I put it all down - I could almost be too expressive.

However, when I analysed my temperament on the Keirsey Temperament Sorter it suddenly appeared I need an army - It might not mean much to have the temperament of a Rational - Fieldmarshal, but then you would not have a name Akin if you were not a warrior of sorts - Akin means warrior-hero in Yoruba (Spoken in Western Nigerian).

From the graphic attached I am a judgemental, thoughtful, intuitive, extrovert - that almost sounds like barrage of insults, but I cannot agree more. Though, I have probably unachieved in that respect too.

The extrovert in me allows me to talk about all those other elements of my temperament.

But then, my blog is also my personal journal; it is about me, myself and I, the things that affect me and those things I am affected by. I suppose the masthead says that much.

This is no horoscope

It is not used to send smoke signals nor is it to be used like a horoscope, though most of what is in there, bears semblance to people living or dead and events that have actually occurred. I am no prophet, mystic or seer, so my blog has nothing for how to live your day from some zodiac chart.

So imagine my amusement when I found out about a site called How Much Is My Blog Worth as if I would try to sell my journal to anyone for anything, I cannot see the point.

Don't list the buggers

However, it appears this site makes calculations based on where you are listed or rather the blog fans you have listed on your blog.

So, where someone has got the world and its wife in their blog roll, you can expect the value to be over $20,000 whilst my lightly annotated blog is worth a smidgen over $2,000. I am not however inclined to pop every blog rag on my blog roll to up the figures.

Conversely, there are bloggers who badger other bloggers to list them in their blog rolls, I would not know what for, apart from some need for validation or worse. It might be these people have not clearly thought out exactly what blogging is all about.

That does not mean people who find my rants interesting should not list me if they are so inclined, but it is patently uncouth to request a listing and I think any request of that sort should be black balled.

If a blogger finds it easier to bookmark interesting blogs on their web browser rather than publicise their blog interests, that should purely be the blogger's prerogative without having to be under duress or undue pressure.

Bereft of endorsements and refreshing

So, it is refreshing to see blogs that have no personal endorsements, just general Internet sites of interest - people should therefore not seek to chisel their tripe into those blogs upsetting the primary premise of the blog owner.

Unfortunately, the blog worth system gives blogs like these have a value of $0.00 regardless of the traffic those blogs entertain in terms commentary and visits - there must be something flawed in the calculations, but who really cares?

This affectation of blog-fashion-victims is like saying, place of picture of me on your mantelpiece because I already have one of yours - Get Real! - This is beginning to annoy me.

Reference

Psychological Personality Tests Online for organizational development, career planning, personal development