The baring without blushing

Nothing too strange about it

It is strange when I remember the first time, I was moved from my bed to take a shower after days of having a wipe down in my hospital bed for days. It was not comfortable at all as the pain in my foot with fungating tumours was still unbearable, but this was an opportunity to have a full rinse down and I somewhat looked forward to it, still.

The nurse, a female was very helpful in getting me to the bathroom and as soon as she did, she was making for the exit with speed to save the embarrassment of seeing my nudity. In my state, it would have been impossible to reach certain parts apart from how the distraction of pain limited my manoeuvrability. I first told her she could stay and then said, I couldn’t be the strangest sight or patient she’d had to bathe, her presence would be more than helpful.

I was in a hospital, there was no point being bashful and I could care less for what conversation she might have somewhere else where what transpired during her day at work became the topic of frivolity and amusement. I won’t be there to listen and participate, it did not bother me.

Exposing things to help things

It just so happens that there are times you need to bare your soul and share intimate secrets of your life in the process of getting the kind of useful help you require. Coming from a culture where much is concealed than revealed, where cultural pride limits the expression of vulnerability or need, we consequently do not avail ourselves of availability or supply. Inculcated personality traits militate against presenting yourself as brutally honest as is necessary.

Finding someone who can relate to that somewhat taciturn cultural trait can be very useful because they can eventually find the form of words to probe deeper and elicit the information that is usually difficult to present at the onset. Besides, there is much that we discount or have consigned to the recesses of memory, probably forgotten from times before that have been influential and possibly the formation of character and outlook, which we at present might disagree is impactful when in reality it is consequential.

You want to avoid dredging up the past to explain the cracks in the present that are foundational to issues that might manifest inadvertently in the future. Disposition actively compartmentalises situations you would rather not remember for any purpose but is germane to issues to hand. Yet memory is interesting as it can give the best context to why you are where you are.

We are chameleons of nature

Opening to the strange

I have sometimes wondered about the kind of comfort we find with strangers such that intimate details are shared in ways that we would never consider with those we know.

We engage and unburden freely maybe unconsciously that there will never be another encounter so that the familiar does not visit us again and with it bring some embarrassment. Just as the tongue might be loosened by drink in the midst of friends, the elixir of strange meetings gives an inebriating fillip to unbridled liberties.

The anonymous becomes a comfortable channel for things closed off, a place where there is an expression for which we do not want to be known to others. It is like our secret selves still needs a place to be not so secret, yet not public with a face or some recognition.

Natural inhibitions of nature

Maybe in the embrace of the strange, we find a new range for our passions and our fears, even hopes and desires get to travel in paths we never dared to let them get out to experience. We have a tendency to compartmentalise, manage the facets of who we are to different levels of acquaintance, we are being completely who we are and yet never the complete picture to those who think they know everything about us.

It is probably healthy to be apparently extroverted to the unfamiliar whilst being introverted to the too familiar, whether vice versa is a good thing, I am not too sure. We are chameleons taking on strange and familiar colours depending on the environment; that is in truth not quite unnatural, is it?

Thought Picnic: The private grief we've had

The private grief we've had,

As close friends passed away,
Our silent mourning souls,
Couldn't share what made us sad,
In closets, we all wept,
As kith and kin ignored,
The truth of who we were,
The secrets of our lives,
The burdens we still bore,
Of friends that mattered more.

The secrets of our grief

I wrote the poem above in a tweet just a week ago when a friend who I had just learnt had terminal cancer passed away. The realisation that I was sorrowful and yet without those with whom to share that feeling of loss just dawned on me.

It was not the first time that I had shared the demise of a friend, and within the compartmentalisation of my affairs, there are relationships that are as public as they can be and others that are private, discreet, secret and not open to scrutiny.

For those who knew every aspect of my life, to whom I have had the freedom to share my thoughts, feelings and secrets, much can be said about grief, not only of the loss but the fondness and memories that made the person significant, to others whose knowledge of my more private truths are not that obvious, you’re left second-guessing how they would react to being let into the privy of a life.

The love I lost

When I lost my lover just a few days after being discharged from the hospital, I was dealing with a major crisis in my health and other issues that got compounded with the death of a partner. The continuous badgering to get married, which could easily have been met with the great disapproval of my choices in life, meant announcing my grief, and the depth of it would not be understood.

There are many I have met in my social circle, which is varied, diverse, alternative and different that have been of some great significance in my life, friends, lovers, acquaintances, buddies of all kinds that would put the faces of polite society to full blush, we all have our kind of company and those who various kinds of fulfilment to the joy of living and the pursuit of happiness.

For them, there was always a tear, a sense of loss, the heartbroken feeling of the end, with all that is left is memories, thoughts, reminiscences and dreams. They occupy a portion of life that cannot be denied or taken away, whether or not they are acknowledged by others.

We all have our normal

Maybe, it would have been easier to lose someone that fits some norm, the fact is we all lose many that do not fit any easy norm without the need for extraneous explanation that would leave the listener more confused and open you to the negatives of disavowal, disapproval, disdain, disgust and consequent distress or disgrace, all of which is unnecessary in the scheme of things.

You can be a man and lose your boyfriend or husband, be a woman and lose your girlfriend or wife, none of which is insignificant to the heteronormative. We would not be denied the feelings we have for the living and the grief we have when they are departed, even if we are denied the opportunity to pay our last respects to them.

We are always the truth of who we are, even in the secrets of our exciting and sometimes turbulent lives, for we bear the burdens of those dear and loving friends over the times we had the pleasure and privilege of knowing them, to the truth that they did matter more than anyone else would ever know.