Berlin: They brought their 'Big-Man' Complex with them

To the lettered in Berlin

Many years ago, I was through a relation of mine, a guest of the Nigerian Ambassador to Germany, the experience was a complete culture shock to me. I was picked up from my hotel and as we accessed the consulate everyone; the staff and some other visitors were genuflecting with insipid subservience, it was too sickening for words. I had entered a big-man time capsule that I do not think was encouraged by the ambassador himself.

I was respectful but quite dignified as someone suggested I should only speak when spoken to, not where I particularly come from or how I was brought up, I’m afraid. The ambassador was welcoming, friendly, without airs and engaging.

It was clear that he craved the company of fellow countrymen who could hold a decent conversation without the excesses of the fawning we call ‘respect’, nor was I there for some quid pro quo activity or politics, so we spoke freely as if we were old friends, it was such a pleasure to meet him.

Of the feted in Berlin

In another place and setting in Berlin, one can only imagine a restaurateur encounters this problem more frequently than most, but it got a good few of us quite irked as we tried to restore some order.

Running a restaurant is hard enough and having returning customers must speak for quality and service, at least in my case, both do matter and there are times where the absence of good service has informed whether I can really overlook that for the quality.

They booked a table for 10 for 4:00PM but did not arrive until 90 minutes later; you may call it African time, but surely not in Germany, they arrived without as much as informing the restaurant that they’ll be running late and when they did arrive it was just 6 of them.

Distributed Denial of Service

This inadvertently is a like an Internet Denial of Service attack, because reservations mean the tables cannot be allocated to other customers and depending on the demand, the proprietor stands to lose income if those who booked the reservation arrive late or never show up.

In the hotel business, at least, they have the option to charge the first night of a reservation if there is a no-show and then allocate the room to new custom for the next night, but that does not apply to restaurants.

Without apology, they sat and began to throw their weight around, expecting obsequiousness and fawning like they were accustomed to in Nigeria, they began to reconfigure the a la carte menu to their particular tastes as the co-owner waitress patiently accommodated their indecisive and indulgent needs as my irritation at their demeanour began to rise.

Whine on wine

When they finished their meal, they ordered wine, as if that should come after meals, but that is beside the point, being moneyed does not necessarily mean being cultured. As the bottle was presented by another waitress they called out the co-owner waitress-manager and complained that the waitress was not smiling whilst serving them, somehow they felt they were not being fussed over enough.

I had joined some gentlemen at another table as we were watching a football match and we thought amongst ourselves that that was the very wrong way to express displeasure at service if ever it was bad service. As long term customers going back years, we have never had reason to complain about service at this restaurant, but there goes.

Typically incalcitrant

Now, I had overheard the restaurateur inform them when they arrived that he had another reservation for 12 guests from 7:00PM, they also arrived a bit late, but he had forewarned the seated party that they might have to move tables when the larger group arrives.

By this time, they had more or less settled in, rearranged chairs and comfortably reclined to their wine watching the game. The restaurateur then approached them to say his booking had arrived and they would have to move, the number that was supposed to be 10 had now whittled down to 4 occupying the space for 12.

At the very least in a small seating restaurant, one would have expected them to be considerate, rather they decided they were being treated shabbily and without respect, abruptly demanded the bill.

The restaurateur tried hard to reason with them and placate them to no avail that we in my group got involved, offering them our seats as we readied to move to another part of the restaurant.

I don’t really care who you are

Then that supercilious Nigerian statement was made, “Do you know who we are?” I was having none of it, who were they? I later learnt, one of the number was supposedly a major general in Nigeria, but we are in Germany.

Typical Nigerian ‘Bigmanism’ an inability to moderate the delusions of grandeur and inflated sense of worth that associates with position and means in Nigeria once they have left Nigeria for other countries, especially European countries.

Opinion - Bigmanism in Nigeria - Vanguard News

Much as I can be a reserved Englishman, I can well be a rather obstreperous Nigerian too as I told them off one at time in Yoruba, inferring the Yoruba saying that they were like kids whose first taste of stew had it spilling all over their clothes.

Adjusting to the situation

At which point, they realised that ‘Bigman’ card was not going to work in this restaurant, the other gentlemen with me half placated all of us as they tactfully reprimanded them. We live in Europe not cowering and fearful of people and this was not the place to be intimidated, regardless of what rank or means they had in Nigeria.

They moved and settled down before one of their number came to chat to me and I simply said, whatever their grievance, we were customers too and it was important they realised they were in an international setting that just happens to be serving Nigerian cuisine. There was a need to temper their need for fawning with some appreciation of time, manner and place.

He acquiesced, as we conversed in Yoruba, which meant he fully understood everything I said and it probably hit home, we cracked a few jokes, they paid up and left. We sighed with relief and much as one might have wanted to put some fault at the door of the restaurateur, we realised he must run the gauntlet of such nonsense, probably daily, some customers just need to be put in their place.

For this lot, all they deserved was good service and good food, which I believed they received, they’ll have to travel back to Nigeria to be waited on like royalty.

Thought Picnic: Regaining a sense of being

Bussed out of well laid plans

The alarm went off this morning to wake me up for church, I was planning on catching the 1^st service that starts at a quarter after 10 in the morning.

I realised if I made for the 9:24AM tram that goes by my apartment block I would be in time to catch the connecting bus to the bus station just a 5-minute walk from church.

When I got to the bus stop for my well-timed connection I noticed the bus stop had been suspended for 4 months due to road construction work going on the route just before the bus stop.

I could not be bothered to read up on where the bus stop had been temporarily moved to but it meant I had to catch another tram up the road and then a 10-minute walk to the church service that had already started with the regulatory praise and worship commencement.

Cultural inadequacies creating discomfort

Settling in, I words on the screen were Dutch with English in smaller print below, I do my best to sign in the large type though I was a bit unfamiliar with the song which was made a bit more disconcerting with the signing of a fellow congregant that was good deal louder and so very out of tune.

Having powers of keen observation are not what you need in church, you mind is at work assessing, reconciling, commending and dare I say judging – surely, I have my own flaws, my foibles, my shortcomings, I should concentrate on mine.

English reserve does not work in church either, though my pastors are English too, they are exuberantly unlike the stereotype, the loudness, excitement and movement is God too far from High-Church Anglicanism, the drums, the guitars and the organ put solemnity in the far past and I rock from side to side with the attempted tapping of feet not really fitting in – I am just not doing emotion enough to be carried away in the flow.

Nevertheless, I do love this church in many ways I have not been able to articulate that well, but as I thought I began to wonder what really made church fun, what it was I really believed in and why I have never really given that much of commitment to any church organisation.

Regaining a sense of being

Prayers are mouthed without sound and it appears one is just not getting into this until we are informed that we would have communion and I realise I really want to snap out of this pity-party before I make to get my jacket to go home and never return again.

I take the bread and remember the words and seek to find their meaning for me, then take the juice of red grapes with Christianly acknowledgement of what it means to me and begin to believe that I would be a lot better by the time the service is over.

After the offertory, the sermon begins on financial responsibility with a focus on stewardship and it dawns on me I may not have been that good a steward of my life, my vision, my career and many other things with all the talents and abilities I possess – is there hope for change? It appears there is, you just need the smarts to get back to where it all seemed to matter just as it did on the very first day.

I am no more disillusioned but hopeful, I seem to have received an impartation of encouragement and even people willing to help – there are dimensions of my life I need to develop better, this fun in life is not yet over till it is really over – in any event, Church does help put some thorny issues into perspective.

The importance of being particular

Hotel satisfaction at your expense

Whilst this sounds like a play on Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest, I am not about to provide a twist on the person or usage of Earnest.

However, there are essential bits of detail that need to be, just so, when one finds that living out of a suitcase and ending up in hotels comes with both work and play.

I got the keys to my room and was not particular about the bellboy getting my bags up before me, as I stepped into the room, the whiff or stench of those who had been before hit me like a hurricane, I gasped for breath as I reached for the phone.

Not another whiff, said I

“Is this a smoking room?” I enquired; in fact, it was and the receptionist offered to call me back in 5 minutes. Not on your life, I was not spending another minute in that room, so as I dropped the phone, I was on my way back. I had closed the door when the phone began to ring, I had the good sense not to return to answer it – I was about to be fobbed off if I allowed it.

So, at the reception, the concierge noted I was particular about having a room with a wireless connection, indeed, I do need that for lots of reasons, I never stay in a hotel without one.

That was the only one available with a wireless access, well, I am not having it, I am not staying in a smoking room even though I stopped smoking 23 years ago.

My mind does not need to work overtime on this, I expect to be put in a hotel of the same hotel chain (Accor) with similar or better services at no extra cost, transfers borne by the hotel, it has happened before.

Then, suddenly, a room materialised and I settled into my smokeless suite without much ado.

Hotel restaurants can surprise

Since, I was too lazy to go scouting for a decent restaurant, I decided to use the hotel restaurant, and these restaurants could be quite good especially in unfamiliar lands where one would like to sample the local cuisine. I was suitably impressed in Prague by one such offering; however, beware of the occasional burnt offering.

The elevator had a set menu and I taste-buds were already excited with what would go for the entrée; I had no mind for the main course.

In one kitchen a menu should be flexible

I was ushered to my table and the menu presented and I could not understand why that entrée from the set menu could not be found in the standard menu or offered as an option considering it was not declared special.

Anyway, I asked to have the desired entrée and a plat principal from the main menu, the waitress decided to argue that this was not possible. I had already ordered sparkling water and was about to decide on the wine,

Simple logic need be applied here, “Are these menus serviced from the same kitchen?” I get an affirmative. In that case, can I have what I have ordered, still a demeanour of recalcitrance prevailed – so, I asked for the bill as per the sparkling water.

At that point the waitress suggested I make other choices at the risk of getting me a bit angry, I intimated, I make the choices I want for food and if not available I would eat elsewhere.

At that point she offered to get the supervisor to chat to me about my choices that was unnecessary, I advised she either get an OK from the supervisor or bring the bill, I was not going to have two catering staff gang up against me because of my unusual choices.

I got what I wanted, hence, the importance of being particular.