Wednesday 17 November 2021

Thought Picnic: I am best at my own speed

We really do not know

Making assumptions about people, especially those you think or believe you know intimately comes with flaws and a wide scope for misunderstanding and erroneous actions. Each person regardless of their symbiotic dependence or interdependence on others comes with their individuality and uniqueness, whether they recognise that attribute or not.

For myself, I am unceasingly working to understand myself better as much as I seek to be a better person, fully aware of myself whilst being considerate of others. I don’t want to overreach and surmise that I can feel, appreciate, or understand fully what the other person is going through, much as when I am sought to listen, I would not want to insert myself into circumstances being played out in someone else’s situation.

Make generous allowances

In being aware that I should not insert myself, I also do not want to be either commanding or demanding. I believe in latitude and initiative, conferring autonomy with trust to the extent that people can act with control of the decisions they make and by so doing assume full responsibility for their actions regardless of the consequence. Ultimately, it means people would be far from deceiving themselves.

The furthest I would go in pursuit of getting a response I view would be beneficial to anyone is to persuade, the points would be made, and the scenarios would be laid out, however, it would be unfair and unreasonable to have conferred autonomy and then seek to surreptitiously resume ownership because of any level of involvement. In extremis, it would be to avoid pending disaster, but we are rarely at that point of intervention.

A result totally unforced

It is a strange case of reckoning that I was intimated of when a friend who I was quite concerned about told me, they felt that there was a purpose in their lives for which certain apparently self-destructive or low-esteem activities would be aborted to focus on the things that give them a sense of personal value and achievement with the possibility of impacting positively on their immediate community. I felt a sense of pride in hearing that without showing much of a reaction to it.

I feel my contribution to the situation was just peripheral, providing a welcoming and enabling environment, not being judgemental or accusative, being supportive in the insignificant and consequential things, and just being a friend as a friend should be.

Please, don’t push me

Reflecting on my situation, whilst I could be impulsive on some things, it is rarely with people. Even where I find myself considering actions quite drastic, I would err on the side of caution, restraint and avoid confrontation if I can help it. This state of mind is what lowers stress, eliminates sources of anxiety, and informs why if there is no need to be exerted on something, then there is no need to be exercised about it. I cherish my peace of mind as I love my life.

Indeed, this could be annoying to some who expect me to be assertive and forward, usually mostly to fulfil what they want me to do rather than what I have been persuaded and convinced to do. The fact is, whilst it might take time, I seem to get results without having to steer or arrest. It might just be that there is more to the power of example than the example of power.

Things get sorted out because the situation begins to favour the requirement, let things go their natural course and you will be rewarded by nature’s breeze of peace and wellness. I do not like being pushed, if I am going in a particular direction, I am happy with my own progress, for it is in that setting that I have control, order, and safety.

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