Preso dall'angoscia del panino

Sunk into panini despair

I saw her again this afternoon and my heart sank, her colleague was preoccupied with her mobile phone, and she was left to take my order. How hard can it be to make a panini?

A simple toasted Italian sandwich with fillings inside and keeping that together enough to cut it in half and wrap it up. So, for the third time, I was placing a basic order.

Cajun chicken, chorizo, jalapenos, and cheese in a ciabatta, cut through, lengthwise. I had the lowest expectations considering this could have the professional quality in the preparation and presentation she had twice failed to achieve.

Her accent belied my reticence to comment on what she was doing, I just felt it would all be lost in translation, and I did not want to make her feel bad even if I half hated the almost rubbish of their stated menu I was presented with.

A dimmer on panini

Usually, the first part of putting in the fillings survives any apparent mishap, but by the time she gets it into the tray to put in the oven, a slow train crash happens before your eyes. The interregnum between placement in the oven and retrieval at the beeps is a time to draw a deep breath hoping that clumsy would not overcome practice.

Fat chance! At retrieval, this basic heated thing that should have been held together by melted cheese is already falling apart as she lifts it to place on wrapping paper, I am surprised she is not already picking some of the chicken and chorizo off the floor.

A second stage of reparative preparation begins and the whole wrapping ends up like the ciabatta was running away from its fillings but forced to coexist. Utterly unbelievable!

You better believe it when I get my order which is everything it says it is on the board but nothing it appears to be. I am totally exasperated but find a way to get the thing into my mouth without ending up with bits in my hair or on my back.

The trials of panini

That was my thinking at lunchtime, and clumsy did happen as she could not find the tongs to put the tray in the oven and never deigned to ask her colleague where they might be. A dishcloth stood in for the tongs for placement and for retrieval. I thought it was totally wrecked that seagulls would come from the coast just for the chicken in my panini going for free like Saint Francis of Assisi loved to feed the birds of the field.

I had no hopes for a reprieve, I was stuck with what I was given and a bag of crisps for comfort until I opened the wrapping and to my surprise, I had a panini all together like it should have been presented and made by any of her other colleagues. Whether that was a fluke, I cannot tell, but if the panini trials are over, the tribulation of clumsy looms for the next time I venture down there.

The title translates to ‘Caught up in the anguish of the sandwich’ and that’s just Italian for starters.

Make Someone Happy

Bliss beyond expression

I had this amazing feeling when I revealed a surprise to make someone happy, it made me so happy that the whole idea of the pursuit of happiness is not just about you finding happiness, but in bringing the joy of happiness to another, you multiply it as you both glow.

There is the smile that speaks of fun and endearment, almost to the point that we begin to wipe the tears in our eyes, moments filled with glee and laughter, telling you that the world we seek cannot falter.

Love indeed is the answer and that someone makes the warmth shine on my planet, we will build a universe together and traverse galaxies of adventure to mystery and exhilaration. I made that someone happy and he makes me happy too.

In the gut of surprise

Knowing by happenstance

Surprise as a function of events in commemoration of something can useful and exhilarating, however, when deployed in situations of long-term consequence, whoever is caught on the edge of it might be left nonplussed.

That is the feeling one would get when you learnt of the pertinent which should have been known aforetime and first-hand rather than through the equivalent of eavesdropping. For to be aware of the consequential through the accident of passing conversation directed elsewhere leaves a mind unprepared for the unexpected, removes agency for anticipation and reaction, and is thus unplanned for, even if with hindsight it is revelatory of other matters in flux.

Knowing nothing now

Inexplicably, the frame and structure of words to broach the subject are scarce as to be absent as rumination over days and nights proffers no respite or direction, like a cousin once said of a typical setting, you are left completely discombobulated, totally mixed up and in the dark.

One cannot act in haste and take a deep breath to be calm and in control of one’s temper and temperament whilst hoping some wisdom eventually prevails. Some things are just beyond explanation, that’s just how some things are.

Thought Picnic: Sharing the joy of being reunited

Surprise and suspense

We read of these stories in the news, sometimes, it is played out on television and you might be lucky to have a box of tissues beside you to wipe the tears as you are caught up in the story of life.

Many years ago on British television we had the programme Surprise, Surprise hosted by Cilla Black where her producers found ways of reuniting long lost blood relatives, the stories were so well told you just felt at one in happiness and joy with the participants who were left to play out their surprise and tears to the nation – it was good programming.

Appeals work

On Sunday, I found myself in the audience of such an event in church, it was heart-warming and wonderful to behold.

The protagonist, a young man with amazing vocal talent that lifts the roof during praise and worship though today is a happily married man with a child had until recently not known his father who by reason of unfriendly immigration policies had to leave the Netherlands sometime around when he was born.

For over 20 years, he heard stories but had no inkling as to where his father was until he appeared on a Dutch programme that aims to highlight the plight of people seeking their relatives. That apparently was a seed sown because it led to him finding out about his father and his father was with us in church just last Sunday being welcomed first as a guest and then the story of the meeting of father and son was told to us.

We can realise hope

There is no doubt that this miracle of reunification is in biblical parlance the granting of the heartfelt desires of this young man who has not only regained his father but he also has the joy of presenting his wife and his son too along with the many tales, hugs, tears and even more meetings that will grow from this encounter.

As a witness to what Facebook has done to long lost and forgotten friendships and now to this real life event of the bringing together of long separated relations – it behoves one to say that we must never lose hope and when we part, even though we die a little, we will meet again, somewhere, someplace, sometime and hopefully, it would not be too long to see the face, to see the smile and to hug one another like we can never be prised apart again. 

Up in the air

Meetings for surprises

Nothing could have prepared me for the day I encountered today, with one being the proverbial grass on which elephants seem to have fought to the finish.

There were uncertainties and definitely no guarantees but assumptions were made, plans laid out and the idea that a future existed was the picture until as late as this morning.

I had planned to get to work by 10:00AM but arrived a bit later, meanwhile, even yesterday on my day off I was getting engrossed in typical office politics about ownership, responsibilities and deflections – they never tire in finding someone to dump the shit on.

A meeting was planned for 11:00AM and I arrived just in time to be pulled into an unplanned meeting where I thought we would be discussing strategy – maybe I forgot it was also July the first, the beginning of the new month and as it happens, I just happen not to have a contract anymore.

The squabbles that affect us all

That explained why the office looked emptier than usual, everyone else had already been informed to stay at home pending the time the bigwigs sort out if the contract can continue and who would be needed to man the contract.

It has probably come down to money, hard-bargaining and all that but as a self-employed consultant, consultant is hardly the word to use, one feels like a day labourer at best in these circumstances because just a fortnight ago we were to be in employment up until November.

There are prospects as I have been informed, a possible cooling down for the month of July and a return to activities in August, but no one really knows – it is all up in the air.

Up in the air

To think that just two days ago I watched Up In The Air starring Goerge Clooney on DVD about travel and the laying off of staff being outsourced to smooth talkers who were engaged to do the tough-talking for timid Human Resources departments, I could just imagine the feelings everyone had when told they were being let off.

A feeling of emptiness with that little voice of hope trying to scream in your head that you should just be calm, be cool, be collected and be considering of your future as a new opportunity for new challenges, those are your possibilities.

I had my timesheets signed, sent in my invoices, got on the wrong bus and made for home, and then it occurred to me that I could call on some ex-colleagues and so there I am.

With stories to tell from when I left, fell ill, got well again, had work and now on a loose end, it really is all up in the air.