Thought Picnic: My continual outrage at sagging trousers

Redefining the man

Now, I ask you to read this without prejudice and a modicum of seriousness despite the possibility of being carried away with the imaginations of your mind.

It was on a television series that a lady’s thoughts were put to sound when after a pleasurable session, the man whose sexual prowess she praised got up and walked into the bathroom revealing what she thought in comparison was a 50-year old butt on a man with the performance of someone half his age.

You only have to look at the Michelangelo’s David to see what the form is, the function, however, is open to interpretation or exploration. [Italian Renaissance Art]

Rounded at least

As I have written many times before, nothing looks as revolting as a lack of care to the backside usually due to unfashionable half-exposure revealing unsightly underwear on a backside that is neither comely nor interesting.

The buttocks (singular: buttock) are two rounded portions of the anatomy, located on the posterior of the pelvic region of apes and humans, and many other bipeds or quadrupeds, and comprise a layer of fat superimposed on the gluteus maximus and gluteus medius muscles. [Wikipedia]

The definition above suggests the backside is “two rounded portions of the anatomy”, I would lay emphasis on rounded which should not need definition.

Pants down dawdle

Obviously, no man can successfully answer the question, “How does my butt look in this?” There is no smart, stupid or indifferent answer that would not put you in the possible collision course with a flying brick.

That is not to say whether rounded or not, I want to see your trousers sagging and worse still, as a result of the low-hung apparel, the wearer presents in a group of many of that ilk, the gait of a badelynge of ducks. It is so ungamely that when they run, you almost expect to hear them quack, yet, I’ll rather watch wild ducks paddling in the village pond.

Why on earth these people cannot pull their trousers up escapes me because it is nothing to do with length or fitting, because in most cases they have rolled up the trouser leg.

This is not fashion

There is no positive validation in this sagging trouser culture because it apparently emerged from the US prison system where the incarcerated were not issued with belts for their ill-fitting clothes. This has since entered popular culture and with it, we have watched the many fashion suicides that traipse our streets in classless abandon.

BBC – In pictures: Sagging Pants

You can call me old-fashioned, in fact, I do not care for what I am called, and as much as everyone is free to appear as they like either by outraging public decency or respectfully in cognisant of presentation and demeanour in the public space, let us not be in any discord about who automatically earns respect and essential courtesy.

Subjectively, if not subliminally, first impressions are first impressions are first impressions, go as you mean to be acknowledged.

Indecent Exposure Law is good

Flash of flesh

Many a time I have walked down the street and been almost compelled to make a citizen's arrest either with a possible charge of outraging public decency or indecent exposure.

I know I have covered this topic to the point of door-knob boredom, but it matters and it should matter.

Only two days ago, a judge and knight of the realm was cleared of "flashing" on the train in what presumably was a case of mistaken identity, though the accuser is only too convinced that she had her man.

Beyond that, "streaking" would almost certainly get a caution if not a custodial sentence, psychological evaluation might warrant sectioning.

With Summer warming up on us, there would be cases of unacceptable public appearances masquerading as trendy and fashionable when in fact the supposed freedom of expression is no less an obscenity.

See no pants

So, in what is amazingly a rare piece of commonsense values, Delcambre in Louisiana will adopt a law banning the wearing of saggy trousers. I can very well see why the unnecessary exposure of one's underwear or unseemly body parts in places not accorded the right to nudity like a beach or pool should agitate the puritan and the square; it should affect everyone and it should not be condoned.

Some have said the law is racially motivated because this is the kind of fashion of hip hop fans - I would brook none of that - there is no reason for any member of the human race not to appear decently covered in public, regardless of the Emperor's New Clothes we wear as fashion.

In the end, I do not want to see your underwear; the whole reason why it is called underwear is because it should be under your clothes. Then love handles, exposed bellies from ill-fitting cropped tops, if you have no shame, are you game for a police caution and a hefty fine?

This is a law that has come into its time, if we can ban smoking, this would not be a long way off - hopefully.