The malign state of cultural programming

The random in Uber rides

I was not going to walk back home with my shopping after visiting the hospital yesterday, so, I called Uber cab to take me home. The name of the driver appeared to be a Christian forename and a Muslim surname; it would have been an interesting conversation point.

When he arrived, the phonetical sounds I heard as he was conversing with someone on his mobile phone was unmistakably Yoruba, so, I engaged him with greetings and a sense of familiarity almost to my regret. The first I have had of a Yoruba person, probably the last I would want if this situation is repeated.

Patriarchy is the default

We seem to have this cultural programming to be first intrusive and probably judgemental. His first inquiry was whether my wife was too busy to do the shopping. There is no accounting for how long our people have lived in the west, some patriarchal views die hard. Even if I were married, nothing regardless of my status stops me from shopping.

So, I answered, I was just returning from the hospital nearby and that presented an opportunity to do some shopping. However, he would not let go, he wanted to know about my wife and my kids. An apparently essential demonstration of my whatever it might be. Wisely, this was not the time to introduce a radically implausible issue as sexuality, but some matters needed addressing all the same.

Moving on to other things

No, I do not have my own children, I cannot have children by reason of many issues including the consequences of chemotherapy. Then indeed I do have children in my nieces and nephews. Knowing I cannot have children I am pragmatic enough not to involve a woman in my complicated situation leaving her attached and yet bereft of issue.

Then, the matter of issue is one of contentment in terms of whether you do require them or not and whether you have made peace with your circumstances. Whether with issue or not, someone would take up that responsibility for interment when you are gone, the more important thing is to have impacted lives enough to be relevant in life and the hereafter.

That being said, we got to the matter of how frequently I visit home. Home to him is different from home to me, but I humoured him, I have not been to Nigeria in over 30 years. There began another inquisition. I volunteered I am English, though it did not tweak that my grasp of the Yoruba language and completed sentences without interspersing with English was probably commendable. I had committed infractions I should be answerable for.

Coming up for air

Obviously, whereupon that kind of situation within the Yoruba construct might well be considered unfortunate, on wife, on children, and on visits, the fact is to be consumed by circumstances over which you have little control or are not persuaded of will distract you from fulfilling other aspects of life and purpose. I reckon my message was clear from our interaction, I neither castigated nor excoriated him, I just provided another perspective to things.

That he was taking me into the centre of town elicited another comment about me being quite wealthy, to which I responded in Yoruba, the blessing is there to be shared to all. Yet, that cultural programming impervious to review does grate. I bet he has never done any domestic shopping before, but that is none of my business, I just want to get home.

Nigeria: The aftermath of "She Belongs In My Kitchen"

Politics takes in the family

Politics is a very engaging business for both the individual and their immediate family. It is almost impossible to divorce the immediate family from the effects and consequences of an individual entering politics.

The politician will almost definitely have a public life, it is usually unlikely except in a scandal for anyone to see into the home life and how the dynamic in that setting dictates, controls or affects how a politician operates.

However, we have gotten used to seeing the politician’s spouse espouse causes dear to their hearts on the one hand and sometimes to soften the hard politician’s stance to the wider world.

In many places, politicians do not seek public office without the consent and support of spouse and family, it is hopefully in recognition of the reality that seeking office does cause some sort of upheaval in their close-knit setup. Some have on the advice of their families withdrawn from politics to cater to their immediate family and renew bonds.

A politician’s wife with views

In Nigeria, we have had our share of the politician’s spouse, some uppity, some intrusive, some menacing and an atrocious assault on our democratic values, arrogating to themselves power to the status of their spouses and abusing their position peddling influence with reckless abandon, yet, this does not apply to all spouses, many who go by the moniker of ‘first lady’, to decline to licence for titles less commendable.

It is in view of this that one can understand when Aisha Buhari the spouse of the President of the Federal Republic of Nigeria gave an interview to the BBC. She expressed concern about how the political maelstrom around her husband manned by people they neither knew nor could trust was making her husband’s political agenda ineffective.

To which end, she suggested that if things continued in this manner, she will not support if her husband chooses to contest, a re-election quest. [Aisha Buhari – BBC]

On a global stage

In the Nigerian society, these are strong views, yet, in my first comment about this, I suggested it appeared pillow talk was no more effective to bringing an obdurate man to understand concerns the family had, that the media might well be acquainted with that frustration.

Yesterday, as the news media took its soundbites from Aisha Buhari’s forcefully independent opinions Muhammadu Buhari was on a state visit to Germany. He could not have been oblivious of his spouse’s interview and I would have expected that his media team and advisers would have intimated that the world press in Germany might well broach the subject.

If Muhammadu Buhari were visiting Germany for a purpose, it would have been incumbent on them not to let any other issue overshadow that purpose and be on the trajectory to a successful state visit with the world press concentrating on that. They fell at the first hurdle.

The joke in the other room

With Muhammadu Buhari standing beside the foremost female politician in the world, Angela Merkel, he was asked about his wife’s views in that BBC interview. Given a global stage, President Buhari mustered all the patriarchy and chauvinism he could at the expense of wit, tact, diplomacy or even common-sense and let rip an anachronistic embarrassment of verbiage.

“I don't know which party my wife belongs to, but she belongs to my kitchen and my living room and the other room.” He said, amongst other things about his political struggles, his losses, his victory and his opponents. Angela Merkel, if we could have read her mind might have been thinking in German, “Warum habe ich stimme diesen Chauvinistenschwein zu treffen?” [Muhammadu Buhari – BBC]

A very sad analysis

For me, there are many angles from which to view Muhammadu Buhari’s comments, but I see a wider consequence of expressing such views on a global stage and it led me to ask a few questions on Twitter, because I already knew that the main takeaway from this Nigeria-Germany summit would be, “She belongs to my kitchen.”

When a leader of a nation says a spouse of 27 years belongs in the kitchen, what do you expect the girls of that generation to aspire to?

— Akin Akíntáyọ̀ (@forakin) October 14, 2016

Let's get it straight, if a spouse of 27 years cannot express independent views without being sent back to the kitchen, what gives?

— Akin Akíntáyọ̀ (@forakin) October 14, 2016

What does President Buhari have an entourage of advisers for if none of the lot anticipated he would be asked about his wife's views?

— Akin Akíntáyọ̀ (@forakin) October 14, 2016

I know there are men who would excuse the inexcusable belittlement of Aisha Buhari on the world stage, I will not.

— Akin Akíntáyọ̀ (@forakin) October 14, 2016

Just imagine if Bill Clinton suggested Hillary Clinton belonged in the kitchen, just because she had the audacity to have an opinion.

— Akin Akíntáyọ̀ (@forakin) October 14, 2016

The undercurrent of "she belongs to my kitchen" is probably a religiously heartfelt desire to have a woman in purdah in 2016 Nigeria.

— Akin Akíntáyọ̀ (@forakin) October 14, 2016

The widest implication and consequence of Muhammadu Buhari’s comment can only be encapsulated in the next tweet.

I hate to think of the consequences of Buhari's 'she belongs in my kitchen' view on an unfortunate girl-child needing to go to school.

— Akin Akíntáyọ̀ (@forakin) October 14, 2016

The deeper ramifications

Nigeria has many girl-child disadvantages and challenges, we still have almost 200 Chibok Girls abducted by Boko Haram in captivity for over 2 years, girls are getting abducted, religiously converted and pressed into matrimony by paedophiles and there is no criminality imputed. [Premium Times]

The problem here is this septuagenarian in a changing world failed to lead and chose to follow patrimony and by his pronouncement that some have dismissed as a jocular retort, some men will decide there is no need to invest in their girls if the leader of the 7^th most populous nation in the world believes the woman belongs in the kitchen, the living room, and the other room.

The attempt at a joke here was the use of ‘the other room’ instead of ‘bedroom’, but the ramifications are deeper than that and that is why there is no excuse that can excuse what Muhammadu Buhari said in Germany.

Our culture expects the elderly to be smart, wise, wily and tactful, let us not let fealty to the man obscure the grave errors of the man.

Let’s do better

Now, I am not advocating that there should be no gender roles in the home, but a home life is only part of the total makeup of both the man and the woman. A lot is lost in the wealth of nations when only the patriarchy can decide who has opinions and whether they can be expressed so independently in public.

We must emancipate ourselves beyond this and give equal opportunity to a fulfilled life of achievement to everyone regardless of status, gender, beliefs, culture, traditions and unfortunate anachronistic views expressed by visionless leaders.

Nigeria: Our fascination with regulating how women dress

Now seriously

Some two days ago, I retweeted a posting with my own commentary which was challenged by a few of my followers and it led to a discussion on the regulation of feminine apparel, the rut in the civil service and other issues about outward moralising with no character moulding consequence necessary to ensure a more harmonious society.

What nonsense is this?
How does regulating the manner of dress of the womenfolk improve productivity? https://t.co/jlPt9fLaNN

— Akin Akíntáyọ̀ (@forakin) September 1, 2016

The news story that appeared on the YNaija website had the headline, “NPA bans female workers from wearing miniskirts, jeans trousers.” To the few that challenged my premise, they first dismissed the headline as click-bait and then suggested that the story was not currently contemporaneous.

Comprehension is key

Let’s first of all deal with the matter of basic English comprehension as I liberally quote verbatim from the new story under review.

“The statement read, ‘It has been observed that despite the issuance of a couple of circulars vide HQ/GMHR/CON/G.3/128 of 25th August, 2008 and HQ/CR/AD/G.1/3039 of 19th December, 2014 on corporate Dress Code, some employees still indulge in improper dressing to the office.’”

Now, there is no date as to why this became a current news story, but a number of things are evident from the first paragraph of the statement purportedly released by the Nigeria Ports Authority (NPA). In both 2008 and 2014, a circular was released to address the matter of corporate dress codes, the last clause of the paragraph, suggests some employees still indulge.

This indicates, this statement released was post-December 2014, and any time between December 2014 and September 2016, the general manager of the NPA found it necessary to reference previous circulars and then restate the need to follow the directives as neatly referenced in the statement.

YNaija at the end of the article then informs us that a new managing director was appointed last month, I would leave out any reference I have observed of the appearance and apparel of the new appointee. Yet, one has to question whether it is a mere coincidence or a deliberate act of the reinforcement of some values and mission statement that the manner of dress should make the news soon after the appointment of a new head of the NPA. I will wager, it is no coincidence and by that suggest, this statement is current, recent and for now.

After women without doubt

Then to the detail of the statement.

“For the avoidance of doubt, it is hereby reiterated that inappropriate dressings such as tight jeans trousers, cut-off trousers, mini-skirts/dresses, tummy and navel shirt transparent/exposing outfits, spaghetti strapped dresses, mismatched clothes, rubber slippers, tattered shoes and rough hairstyles, (to mention but a few) that are unnecessary distractions would no longer be condoned and will henceforth attract appropriate sanctions.”

From the highlighted bits of the above paragraph, you would find it strange that I was engaged in a discussion where someone disingenuously suggested this prescriptive delineation, was unisex rather than referring to women in particular. I am trying to get my head around the idea that men wear dresses to work or are inclined to adorn drag costumes.

The later part of the paragraph might well apply to all genders, but we would be deceiving ourselves if we did not recognise that this was primarily addressed to womenfolk and any inclusion of men in this apparent scattergun generalisation of mismatched clothes, slippers, shoes and hairstyles was purely coincidental.

The subjectivity of decency and moderation

In closing, there is a clear adjuring of the line management in the terms below:

“In view of the foregoing and to further maintain a positive corporate image of a reputable organisation, all divisional, departmental and sectional heads, especially heads of personnel are once again enjoined to ensure monitoring of compliance of employees (sic) dressings (sic) with emphasis on decent, moderate and smart national and formal English wears (sic).”

In other words, the NPA has initiated a fashion police of its management chain to ensure decent and moderate ‘dressings’ amongst the ranks.

Now, I have no issue with an organisation striving to ensure its employees and representatives present a business and corporate look towards what they call a ‘positive corporate image of a reputable organisation’. Whether that is the clear objective or something more sinister is play is left to conjecture.

The control of feminine apparel

What we cannot deny is the fact that some societies actively measure their moral standing through the control and regulation of the apparel of their womenfolk. Nigeria is no stranger to moves to introduce prescriptive dress codes on women from the National Assembly, spearheaded by supercilious and sententious women ably supported by men on grounds of religion, culture, and tradition. This issue is ably discussed in a piece for OpenDemocracy.Net by Dr. Bibi Bakare-Yusuf, titled, Of mini-skirts and morals: social control in Nigeria.

The matter of what is decent, moderate or moral is subjective. Only last week, the Indian Tourism Minister was advising, or should we say, instructing female tourists not to wear skirts or walk alone in small or rural cities in response to the many high profile assaults women have suffered in India. [The Guardian]

Whilst, the advice is well-intentioned, it does not address the real issue which is a seeming tolerance of assault occasioning the abuse and violation of women based on their appearance, rather than a zero-tolerance towards men who appear to be excused to act as wild beasts completely without control of their urges and actions when they sight a woman unaccompanied or dressed in some particular way.

My view was and still remains that the Tourism Minister and even everywhere else, the louder campaign should follow the mantra of the demonstrations in 2012 to which I penned an opinion piece. It's a Dress, NOT a Yes.

Blog – Opinion: It’s a Dress, NOT a YES.

Then in France, we have the culture and political wars on the burkini and other conflated religious and cultural apparel that women either choose or are probably compelled to wear. [Spiked-Online]

It is paternalistic at best

However, back to the main issue, the NPA is within its rights to advice and suggest all employees should present professionally in apparel and in manner, but when you begin to single out particular items of clothing as a laundry list of the unacceptable, one begins to wonder if it is adults being addressed or kids.

This goes to the general paternalistic situation of many societies where from childhood people take instruction and as hierarchies develop into adulthood, there is some sort of elite that arrogates to itself some lordship of the others, in religious, in corporate, in cultural, in social and in traditional settings that dictates what others must do or suffer some consequence.

It is an unhealthy power dynamic that robs people of reasoning capacity, autonomy, initiative, ownership of their choices and ultimately responsibility.

As we genuflect to authority figures in an obsequious desire of their approbation, we lose individuality and uniqueness in personality to some dronish conformance to some boring norm. We might as well all be poured into one-sized uniforms of appearance and conduct. The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea, anyone?

Treat adults as adults

I want to believe that we all as adults should know how to conduct ourselves in a corporate environment and by that, it would pertain to dress and attitude, that it should not need some overbearing government apparatchik to command the state of dress on anyone.

The few outliers who are unaware of what conduct should pertain can be addressed directly and probably mentored by example and encouragement, without insulting the intelligence of the broader majority that knows how to behave.

That, in my view, is a better way to approach this issue. We are in an era where such silly excesses of officialdom pretending to some vision and mission statement conveyed through the regulation of dress will be excoriated without respite.

Give people the freedom and respect to be responsible adults and you will get responsible people, begin to order them around and you’ll have a riot on your hands in no time. It goes without saying that the NPA statement was a public relations disaster, it could have been better written and conveyed a much-matured approach, but what is power abused, if it cannot be condescending and there is much belittlement, condescension, patronising and unmitigated abuse in Nigeria – it needs to stop.

Finally, whilst the way people dress might be an outward expression of character and personality, it does not define character, personality nor integrity, we should not get that concept wrong and how you dress is neither a measure nor definer of your ultimate productivity in any environment. The prescription of dress in any emancipated society should only pertain to health and safety procedures and never on subjective morality issues.

Nigeria: Some Truths About The Bride Price App

Love abroad

A good friend of mine started a long-distance relationship between Europe and Africa where they for over a year communicated over the phone, via email and many other means professing love for each other.

I was wary, simply because my friend had spent more than half his life in Europe; fundamentally there was no cultural affinity between them apart from a geographical space. Outlooks had changed due to his integration into another culture, community and society, but who knows?

When it appeared things might not work out, I thought he had invested too much in that relationship that the least he could do was go and meet with the family of his love interest and make up his mind after that.

Checking in

We went shopping for gifts and all sorts of arrangements for an introduction and he travelled over to meet the family. When he met the father, they appreciated his interest, took the gifts without as much as a thank you and then gave his companion a printed wedding list that read like greed of the world in objects and payments that baffled the mind.

There was nothing I could do but seek the wisdom of my mother, she sounded a very cautionary tone, to the effect that there was nothing in that relationship than an opportunity to milk and bilk my friend, in the end he cut his losses and ran – the event was scripted in 6 blogs that I titled, “Opening the mouth of the Father.”

Breaking the bank

The wedding list had that one item that caught my eye amongst that many other ridiculous things that I distributed in a narrative of derision and incredulity. My friend at the wedding ceremony would only be able to get the father of the bride to speak by shelling out 50,000 Naira, whilst the whole list came to over half a million Naira and that did not include the cost of the wedding ceremony and the bride price.

Blog - Opening the mouth of the father – Part 1

Blog - Opening the mouth of the father – Part 2

Blog - Opening the mouth of the father – Part 3

Blog - Opening the mouth of the father – Part 4

Blog - Opening the mouth of the father – Part 5

Blog - Opening the mouth of the father – Part 6

The Bride Price App

Which brings me to the topic of the Bride Price, because yesterday I came upon a web-based application that claimed to calculate the Bride Price of a prospective wife based on a number of attributes, achievements, looks, diction and status of the lady.

Bride Price Calculator

When I first clicked through the application, I commented on Twitter that it spoke to the ridiculousness of the things we place value on.

However, as people discussed the issue, it got to a point where there was a broad spectrum from views from the misogynist, sexist and objectification of women through to risible levity maintaining no seriousness to it apart from jocularity and laughter.

A friend then engaged me in private conversation on Twitter about the Bride Price Calculator and then persuaded me to consider putting my thoughts in a blog. Which started as the following Direct Messages on Twitter.

My views

Asking about my views on the Bride Price App, he said, “I've seen it being misrepresented as sexist and objectifying women. Be honest, is this true?”

I answered back as follows:

“There are many angles to this, looking at it with Western eyes it is sexist and objectifying women, however, not in Nigerian eyes.”

The point I am making here is the danger of conflating different cultures and then using an unrefined standard to assess another culture without first accepting there is an issue to be properly reviewed before making comparisons.

“The fact is the bride price is an unscripted reality in Nigeria that borders on greed and the ridiculous.” As evinced by my introduction to this blog.

The Bride Price App simply put online what in many cases people think when giving away their daughters and the cultural construct that feeds into making those demands without second thoughts. To see the bride price so illustrated in almost an atrociously vulgar manner was upsetting but not divorced from Nigerian reality.

“We must have an honest discussion as to how the cost of marriage harms the institution of marriage in the name of tradition.”

The question is what really determines the bride price traditionally and how have things changed to accommodate not only modernity, but the need to keep up with the Joneses and attempt to outdo others?

“However, many of these traditions have no cultural significance they are new fads of hedonism and ostentation.”

This feeds into the previous comment, we have to ask whether paying up for the bride and the wedding is of greater significance or giving the newly married a firmer foundation on which to build their marriage

“The Bride Price App is a mirror on ridiculous female statuses we use to place value on women is as marketplace objects bought for marriage.”

If we are to be honest with ourselves, a number of the options in that App have informed how the bride price is determined and what kind of wedding is planned for.

Unintended consequences

The dilemma of the bride price is summed up in Part 2 of Opening the mouth of the father, “It appeared I was to be sold a woman for a slave rather than being given a lady for a bride.”

The unintended consequence of a high bride price makes the pain of cost dampen the required utility of love in a marriage, a certain threshold can be breached where cost begins to determine ownership when love should mature partnership – I would not even delve into what might result from the former.

Critically, we must have an open honest discussion on the issue of the bride price, the wedding and most importantly the marriage, the first two are easy, usually a question of means; marriage requires work, patience, love, perseverance and with it would come joy, pain, happiness, sadness, togetherness, distance and whilst many would be at the wedding, only two can really be in a marriage.

You make it work or make it fail, hopefully not because of the cost of the bride price or the ostentation of the wedding, if you want the marriage, you probably can make it work against all odds. The Queen celebrated her diamond wedding anniversary on the 20^th of November 2007.

Decade Blogs - Jesse Oguntimehin - On Gender Equality

Decade Blogs

Then, another mobile phone propeller head like Mister Mobility, Jesse Oguntimehin is probably one of three people I follow on Twitter that I would go to for advice about mobile phones, mobile telephony, apps and accessories.

He comes across as soft-spoken, knowledgeable, quite engaging and fun, yet, he mostly keeps to his core expertise with the occasional foray into life topics that would always attract interaction.

From my observation, he has probably made virtual friends in as many places as the Internet would allow freedom of access, he should hopefully travel the world.

Jesse Oguntimehin blogs at jesse.com.ng and his Twitter handle is @jesseoguns.

In his piece for my #YourBlogOnMyBlog Series commemorating my Decade of Blogging, Jesse tackles gender equality and the changing perspectives of the issue in Nigeria, in the face of a learned and practiced history of unrestrained patriarchy.

Blog - To Celebrate My Decade of Blogging

The changing roles of men and women in Africa has been a hard lesson for the dominant patriarchy with a tendency to male chauvinism to appreciate. As we discuss the issues, some highlighted in this article, we probably can begin to grasp what amazing talent and ability we have left untapped, unused and wasted where the need for such is critical and expedient.

What I have learnt about gender equality; ongoing discussion

It is easier for me these days to compose my thoughts in a series of tweets, than to open my laptop and compose my thoughts in a full article. In writing an article to be featured on Uncle Akin’s Blog, I have ruminated over different topics; and after seeing several awesome articles already written on his blog, I wondered if mine would stand.

The inter webs has shaped my life in the last few years—starting from 2010 when I got my first personal laptop and a USB Internet dongle. I got the laptop and Internet dongle after finishing my National Youth Service Corps (N.Y.S.C) posting with the intent of making money on the Internet as a blogger. I’m making the money now, and I have also been able to get a job through my blogging. What more, my thinking has been greatly influenced through the interactions I’ve been having through blogs, blog comments and on Twitter.

How I use to view Women

I grew up in Lagos, Nigeria. It is customary for women to be looked down upon and treated as a lesser human—this is what I have been exposed to. I have always thought the woman to be the lesser of a man. The man calls the shot and decrees over the woman at home, in the office, in the community and at religious gatherings—while I am going to leave that of religious gathering out of it, I will talk about how my thinking changed in the other areas.

It was my habit if someone was driving sluggishly I’ll say: it must be a woman driving. If she drives well and smartly, I’ll assume it’s a man that’s behind the wheel. Men have dominated the women for long, but women never stood up to challenge themselves until in the recent times.

Things have since changed. There are women bosses that do very great work and help businesses succeed; women are the breadwinners of some homes; women pay their own bill and live independently.

If a woman decided to rent her own apartment and live alone, leaving the home of her parents, it is frowned upon that she’s likely to start prostituting, or she’ll not get a man who’ll be interested in her.

If a woman is earning a good salary and living comfortably, men become scared as if that is going to make the woman head over them and they won’t be able to subdue her.

How my views have morphed

I started hearing about feminists and feminism when I became active on the inter webs. At first, I was often irritated by them and the ideas—women who do not want to subject themselves unto the headship of a man; that’s how I used to think about them.

Today, I’m seeing women who have risen to the challenge, accepted more responsibilities and build businesses, families, economy and societies. Women are contributing a lot to the conversation and the development of our societies.

I am now in support of equality of the sexes. How do I mean? A woman shouldn’t be stopped from aspiring to a certain height just because she’s a woman. If a woman wants to be a bus driver, allow her; if she wants to fly a plane—now they do—allow her; if a woman wants to work a nine to five job, allow her. Never say: because she’s a woman, she shouldn’t be allowed to do this or that.

What I am not changing yet

A man is the head of the woman—in the home/marriage setting. She’s to accept the man as the head of the family. A husband and his wife should therefore have an agreement about the role of a man and a woman in marriage before agreeing to be yoked together.

It will be a lot of stress on their marriage if a man who believes women are lesser men, gets married to a woman with can-do spirit; a woman who can make a lot of things happen by participating in many of the tasks that have once been reserved for only men—managers in big organisations, pilots, earning better salaries than many men, a woman who believes women should be treated fairly and equally with men—she’s not asking to be the head of the house, but to be given opportunity to do as much as the man.

Is there a man (married) among us, who will refuse the woman (wife) the opportunity to contribute to the upkeep of the house financially just because you think that will make you less of a man? Are you as a man of the opinion that the woman should not work, just because you do not want her to earn more than you and then have more power than you around the house?

The coming together of a man and woman as husband and wife means that two different people are coming together. They may share similar views in some areas and have different views in others. They must be ready to sacrifice and know how to make things work out for the two of them—be ready to be partners and not rivals.

In concluding, I am for women being allowed to do things that used to be reserved to only men without calling them women or judging them—that they’ve succeeded at it or failed at it because they’re women. The next times a woman drives poorly, try not to say: after all she’s a woman. There are men who are poor drivers as well.

Women too should stop looking down on other women. While should you as a woman say: he’s so slow, when he’s not a woman. Are women expected to be slow? Is slowness a function of gender?

While women should be allowed to pursue their interests—to include the one once reserved for me—we should not forget that the women still carry the babies; it is the women that menstruate; and there are many things different in the physiological make up of both gender...

Questions and further discussions:

• If we thus want equality of both gender socially, economically, and politically, why don’t we advocate for men to have paternity leave when their wives are pregnant too? Are we saying we should let the women go on maternity leave while the men can’t? Is that being fair to the men?
• A man is expected to open the door and draw the seat for a woman. Is a woman expected to do the same for a man?
• A man proposes to a woman. Are we going to change that too and ask that a woman should be allowed to propose to a man?

Obviously, there are things we can’t change. We can’t ask the man to choose to carry the baby during pregnancy: except there’s a culture somewhere that I do not yet know of. The woman doesn’t engage herself to a man; it is the other way round.

What are your thoughts?

Africa: The Spectrum of FGM is NOT homogenous

“Many who before regarded legislation on the subject as chimerical, will now fancy that it is only dangerous, or perhaps not more than difficult. And so in time it will come to be looked on as among the things possible, then among the things probable;–and so at last it will be ranged in the list of those few measures which the country requires as being absolutely needed. That is the way in which public opinion is made.” Anthony Trollope, Phineas Finn

Screaming cakes losing the FGM message

At the beginning of the last week, we ran the gauntlet of a travesty masquerading as art; it was art that was tasteless, ignorant, stupid and worthy of excoriation.

Indeed, we need to bring to light the horrors of Female Genital Mutilation (FGM) or Female Circumcision but there is no excuse to treat this matter with levity and caricature if you have any inkling or knowledge of what it entails, who is affected, how entrenched it is and the obstacles in culture, traditions, norms and values that need to be overcome to consign these acts to oblivion.

Such was the display of utterly, utterly bad art when on a cake made almost to the form of Sarah Baartman [Wikipedia] who in the early 19^th Century was the unfortunate freak show in Europe.

The cake was cut into in Sweden by people who should know better of the suffering of women less fortunate than themselves to their entertainment and the artist with face painted like the cross between a golliwog [Wikipedia] and a piccaninny squealing and crying at each cut in the supposedly virginal area of the cake representing the act of circumcision.

It plumbed the depths of distaste and disgust but more importantly, it drew no attention to FGM or the plight of women who suffer from the debilitating effects of FGM, rather it became an odious platform for the artist, galvanised the global rebuke of the Swedish Culture Minister with a petition online asking for her to apologise for her cretinism to culminate in her resignation.

Mind Of Malaka does this matter the greatest justice with her blog titled Of Cakes and Clitorises.

FGM is NOT a Single Story

Now, I have been engaged in a rather robust discussion on Twitter on the matter of FGM where I have a rather pragmatic approach to the subject.

Having taken a stance on the event of the Swedish cake one should be careful not to be railroaded by what is turning out to be a single narrative of FGM thereby conflating the desired end of FGM with every societal, traditional, religious, economic and social strand as if the practitioners are a homogeneous entity – they are not.

Looking at the prevalence of FGM [Wikipedia] across Africa [Graphic from Wikipedia], the practice cuts across 30 countries from West Africa, through Central to East Africa and veering up to the North of Africa where in Egypt it affects 97% of females but you then wonder why the countries to the West of Egypt that have affinity with its peoples like Libya, Tunisia, Algeria and Morocco do not practice FGM.

However, this practice appears to date back to the Pharaonic times, in essence there is a mountain of entrenched traditions and customs behind this activity that might prove immovable even to those with the very best intentions.

Beyond this, each country and within these countries we have communities that implement any of the 4 types of FGM [Wikipedia] cutting with Ethiopia, Gambia and Guinea implementing the most intrusive Type IV mutilation that could affect 73%, 60-90% and 99% of females in those countries respectively.

Whilst Gambia and Guinea are close neighbours in West Africa, Ethiopia is as remote as you can get from West Africa as you wonder about the correlations between these countries.

Tough work ahead

Much as we would that FGM is outlawed, banned, proscribed, abrogated or even criminalised, we are nowhere near seeing that desire in reality, the practice is rife, the practitioners cover a broad spectrum of people from the enlightened to the oblivious and resistance to being sacrificed on the altars of traditions and customs is at best patchy and within relatively minor tribes.

Outlawing FGM in Africa requires political will and concerted efforts at education to persuade the core practitioners of alternatives if possible or ameliorating measures need to be implemented to monitor and regulate the practice.

Applying the political theory of the Overton Window [Wikipedia] to FGM, there are quite a number to whom the prospect of outlawing FGM is unthinkable whilst the cake eaters of Sweden and certain activists on this matter are on the other side of the spectrum where the idea is popular and they are ready to make it policy.

As for so many new ideas because the concept of the eradication of FGM is relatively new by reason of its extant prevalence, the unthinkable has to become radical, then acceptable before it is regarded as sensible from which point it might become popular and consequently it might become policy.

Developing approaches to eradication or regulation

The age-old value systems that aimed to deprive females of sexual expression for the fear that overarching patriarchy might lose complete control of their womenfolk needs to be visited with temperance because the diehards might well prefer to die out than to see needed change threaten their station.

There is no easy solution to this matter and it continues to this present day, girls sacrificed to long held belief systems many put at untenable risk to life, health and welfare – each of these need addressing as much as the aggressive push to make FGM history.

There are proactive and reactive approaches to consider much as some might deign to bludgeon and others might be indifferent. These customs being part of the societal framework of the affected communities has both men and women involved in the propagation of the acts as their norms and no greater purpose is served if any side is castigated as if to blackmail them into submission to the intended goal of the eradication of FGM.

Proactive alternative

On the proactive side, the Guardian newspaper Fighting Back [The Guardian UK] section filmed a documentary about changing attitudes to FGM amongst the Pokot people [Wikipedia] of Kenya where parents, daughters and activists worked towards adopting alternative womanhood initiation rites.

The main thrust of this exercise had to address a number of underlying issues –

• The reassessment of the value of females in those communities.
• The need for the education of females with the promise that they can be of greater significance to their communities than the immediate value of a dowry mostly comprised of cows and beer
• Addressing the apparent sense of loss of a girl is not circumcised and married off
• Addressing the communal stigmatisation that accompanies girls who have refused to be initiated through FGM
• Persuading the elders, men and the community to accommodate new thinking that makes FGM insignificant and unnecessary as a precursor to marriage
• Removing FGM from the process of initiation into womanhood.

One striking thing that came out of the documentary was the recognition that girls who have decided not to follow tradition might harm themselves though it was also encouraging that honour killings prevalent in other societies where the price placed on female chastity is astronomically high did not present itself in the Pokot narrative.

Reactive for safety

On the reactive side, this came as a result of a botched FGM activity [AkinBlog.NL] in Nigeria in 2012 that led to the loss of life by exsanguination – the poor girl bled to death in hospital, the perpetrators being her grandmother and other womenfolk relations having run out of options after crudely mutilating the girl.

It goes without saying that FGM entails radical intrusive surgery outside of professional supervision with crude implements in possibly non-sterile conditions.

What is interesting is the news [The Guardian UK] that as many as 100,000 women in Britain have undergone the FGM procedure. Much as it is illegal in the UK, ethnic minorities who one would expect are enlightened, emancipated, educated and well aware of the complications that do result from FGM procedures are adhering to the practice and are not persuaded of the need to change.

The news story highlights a more interesting development. There is a part of these ethnic minority communities that are concerned about surgical procedures carried out by the unschooled that they have procured the services of medical practitioners to perform the FGM procedure.

In my blog written in February, the death of the girl was preventable if the FGM procedure was not carried out and where I ran the gauntlet of serious opposition and the amazingly implacable was when I suggested that as long as FGM continues to exist in whatever community until it is eradicated, the girls made to suffer such procedures must have at the minimum a safe environment under medical supervision where the procedure is carried out.

Bridging the contrary and the compromise

In my view, this is not to find a workaround that will give FGM a new lease of life halting the drive to have it eradicated but it is to bring the activity under regulation, supervision and safe environments to deal with the immediate complications of administering FGM.

This is by no means comfortable, but the practitioners who have not been persuaded of the need to stop FGM will procure the services wherever they can – it is only sensible and it will be utterly curmudgeonly to refuse girls safe environments for FGM when the battle and the war to abolish FGM is far from won.

I extended that thinking yesterday with the suggestion that FGM education be aggregated into primary healthcare delivery systems and having brought FGM under medical supervision, it offers the opportunity to address this matter as elective surgery with outcomes and consequences all of which must be preceded with levels of counselling, consultation, possible success factors and the repercussions for maternal welfare which can be debilitating on quality of life for the person, her offspring and her community.

In effect, if we are cajoled into adopting a single story on FGM so as to treat it as a homogenous procedure practiced by a non-diverse people of Africa with apparently similar traditions and customs such that activism simply presents an unyielding single solution without working out different compromises for the varied communities that will help those immediately affected, we would be no further than what we saw in Sweden and we might well go up there and eat some cake.

Nigeria: What Rape Victims Face in Court

Caught my eye

The headline was what got me as it appeared on one of my Twitter lists - Ex-Corp Member Weeps in Court When Asked to Show Her Private Part [1] – it was irresistible to my curiosity I had to view the circumstances of such an outrageous request.

A prominent traditional ruler had been accused of the rape of a 23-year old lady who was in youth service within the domain of the ruler.

The lady must have been caught in circumstances beyond her control when the lecherous ruler first attempted to gain carnal knowledge of her through the belittlement of throwing money at her which she rejected before he allegedly forced himself on her raping her.

Seeking justice

When she made a case of it, he offered her money not to make a scandal of it and considering the high thresholds of credibility needed to bring rape cases to court against quite influential members of the public, it must have been an ordeal to have gotten this far.

The story does not say when she was raped and the time that had elapsed between the alleged incident and when the case was heard in court but that is beside the point.

Beyond belief

What is quite shocking and brazen in its effrontery and insensitivity as the news story portends is that it says the monarch himself asked the victim to show her allegedly bruised private parts to confirm to the court that she had been raped.

It goes on to say the counsel for the respondent did on cross-examination of the witness demand, NOT ask, but demand that she expose her privates for the scrutiny of the judge, the present counsel and prosecution to ascertain the veracity of her claim.

Now, even if the court doubled as a gynaecological unit and the all the learned purveyors of the ways and means of the law were certified consultant gynaecologists, this request would have been utterly improper at best.

This direction of questioning after being overruled should have had the counsel sanctioned with the risk of contempt by reason of deliberately outraging public decency.

If the monarch had also spoken out in initiating this line of questioning, he should have been sternly cautioned but the news story offers no such detail.

Bad handling of a sensitive situation

In my opinion, the purpose of that line of questioning was no doubt geared towards first embarrassing the victim, then humiliating her in her quest for justice before seriously upsetting her that she might lose all her composure to the advantage of the defence.

I am concerned that the judge appeared to be a tad lackadaisical in dealing firmly with this affront to polite proceedings where the counsel should have for bringing the legal profession into disrepute risked disbarment.

However, the sadder picture exemplified in this case is the lack of courtesy and sensitivity to victims of rape in open court and the effrontery and brazenness of patriarchy at the plight of victimised women.

What victims face

Men of power and influence behave as if they have right and authority to demand and obtain sexual favours whilst being unable handle rejection or negation of their desires.

They believe if they have the physical means to overpower the woman, then they can have their way without consequence.

They expect that the shock and shame of being raped presents a barrier to prosecution as the victim has to wade through hurdles of location, situation, opportunity, motive, circumstance, believability and influence to start off the process of justice.

As society will probably first find fault with the victim before it considers the egregious criminality of the perpetrator.

What to do

There is every need to have stronger support networks for rape victims regardless of the probable cause and the availability of evidence necessary to prosecute to the fullest extent of the law, all those accused of rape.

As another human-being and sadly of the male species, I have the fullest sympathy for the victim and I hope that those involved in this contemptible show of chauvinism too vile for expression are visited with opprobrium, shame, disgrace and obloquy as a deterrent to any other counsel who might think sailing close to the wind in rude discourse can be done with impunity and without dire consequences.

Source

[1] Ex-Corp Member Weeps in Court When Asked to Show Her Private Part - Nigeria DailyPost