Incredible India: Tour Guides between Sacred Cows and Cash Cows

Looking for a good tour guide

A tour guide is an essential resource and I know, having visited a number of places. Their knowledge of the object of interest; be it, the history, the architecture, the people, the customs and other useful trivia is invaluable.

They also give good tourist advice – what to expect, how to react, what to do, where to meet and many more things – then, they are agents, agents of local businesses that depend on tourist foot fall, as restaurants and manufacturers of souvenirs and goods of sometimes substandard quality sold as exquisite.

In cahoots to irk us

We picked up our guide as soon as we entered Agra, after introductions, he immediately suggested we stopover for lunch, whilst there was keen interest in getting to the Taj Mahal we were hungry and easily out-voted the keenest of all of us to step in for lunch.

The buffet was a set price and I specifically asked if it included all taxes and charges, the guide replied in the affirmative. I felt in a strange restaurant, a buffet presented a see-smell setting that you could not read off the menu, so I opted for the buffet.

Some of us placed orders a la carté and we tucked in, at one of our stopovers, I had a local yoghurt/curd drink called lassi – they say it is good for stabilising stomachs at risk of traveller’s diarrhoea – so I had a glass of that too and noticed the difference between the nonsense I had earlier and the finesse I had this time.

When the handwritten bills came, the charges were extra rather than included, that spelt the beginning of the tour guide’s woes in terms of our future generosity – I was in a group of people who had being taken for a ride.

[My trainer was mortified by the fact that the bills were not printed, suggesting there was a racket going on; the printed bills were probably for tax purposes as the restaurateurs fleeced the tourists creaming off the extra.]

High value entry

We boarded our van again and then made for the Taj Mahal, foreigners pay 750 rupees, members of the SAARC countries pay 510 rupees and we are all referred to as “High Value Ticket Holders”

The tour guide got the tickets and after going through the list of prohibited items, because of my MP3 player, I had to put my bag in a free locker. Included in the ticket price was a bottle of water and covers for our shoes.

From the ticket office we boarded a battery operated vehicle that took us to the gate, we were told to spurn offers of other kinds of rides that came at extra cost.

At the main gate to the Taj Mahal, there were queues for Indians separate from those for foreigners and then the ladies had a separate queue to with shielding where they had to pass through security.

Reading the sign “High Value Ticket Holder Ladies” could almost have been read as high-class prostitutes – therein is the unintended context of sign-posting.

For our security, the loss of liberty

Soon we were though security; it must be brisk business for security firms in India with the X-Ray scanners, the walk-through metal detectors, the wands amongst other security paraphernalia.

All accesses to the metro stations have one, the ladies are given separate access, even the vegetarian outlet beside my training centre had one.

In the midst of assumed freedoms the communal liberties have acquiesced to searches and demands for information that will make Westerners rise in revolt – that is the way in South Asia, tensions remain high, hot-heads abound and fanatics when triggered by Machiavellian leaders up to no good for political advantage, there is no telling where the next spot of danger lies.

A new camera idea

The tour guide corralled us and explained a few things about the out-buildings before he tried to shop us to photographers for prices we were not ready to pay. Much as we like to handle pictures on photographic paper, I think we have more of tendency to take digital pictures we can share online.

Now, if there were cameras with proximity transfer technology that allowed professionals to take pictures with their high-end cameras and expertise then swipe those into the memory repositories of our low-end digital cameras, there might well be a case for these vulture photographers.

We resisted and hardly 5 steps on, we were being offered the same service for half the price, by which time we were not ready to listen to whatever was being said, we wanted to go straight to the Taj Mahal.

After a short explanation about the place, the buildings and some history, we walked through the gate to behold – covered in the next blog – we arranged to rendezvous up in 90 minutes.

Stone cold annoyed

On exiting the grounds, we boarded a battery powered vehicle for the car park but we disembarked much earlier as the tour guide called for the van to pick us up.

After collecting my bag, the tour guide gave us some spiel about the art and craft of marble stonemasonry was in decline and our visiting a “government sponsored” project will help sustain that craft.

I was not persuaded to leave the bus, whilst others left to learn about masonry, interesting to some but once again, the bilking of tourists had spoilt the atmosphere that we were close to insurrection if not lynching the tour guide.

We could not be persuaded to visit an embroidery shop across the road and the suggestion to visit a carpet factory gained no traction because there were no carpets at the Taj Mahal and if the carpets were Persian – we might well be in Iran.

[My trainer felt the carpet making trade was an atrocious abuse of children in sweat shops.]

Not a tip for the trip

As we parted ways with the tour guide, there was not much gratitude left to express, the tips were hardly tipping out of our wallets, what he eventually got was derisory at best and maybe a lesson for another time.

The Indians have their sacred cows but tourists to India somehow get preyed upon as cash cows, only this time, we wised up to the fact that we will not be done over again.

Voyage to the land of the friendly volcano

Tenerife Classica

Yesterday, I went on my third tour to the Canarian island of Tenerife but I wanted to do something different.

In my previous visits, I had gone to Loro Parque, known for its parrots, penguins, dolphins, seals, orca whales and orchids, I had done the general tour and the behind-the-scenes tour, but I felt there was more to Tenerife than that attraction.

A day trip to Tenerife from Gran Canaria is as easy and as difficult as it might seem but it could easily be a 20-hour day from when you are picked up from the hotel in the morning until when you are dropped off at night.

This tour was called Tenerife Classica and supposedly was to take you on a tour of Tenerife and up the Mount Teide which peaks at 3,717 metres above sea level.

Earlier or worse

The hotel had prepared an early breakfast for my wakeup call at 05:45 hrs and the bus pickup at 06:30, there were a few more pickups around our area of the island till we got to a rendezvous point at San Agustin where other tourists joined us and we had the first change of guides.

For the trip, I did not think the bus was that comfortable, I had the feeling it was going to be the main vehicle throughout the whole journey as was the arrangement for the Loro Parque tours I had been on before.

At Las Palmas we picked another guide who saw us to the port at Agaete where we boarded the catamaran ferry to Santa Cruz de Tenerife which takes 70 minutes.

Sea me or see food again

Honestly, I would make the worst deck hand, I have no sea legs, I dosed up on mints, closed my eyes and listened to classical music as the vessel rock to a rhythm that kept my stomach in churn of butterflies and moths for hours after.

How I had the constitution not to see my breakfast or last night’s dinner escapes me, but I was so glad that it was over when we finally arrived, I think many others fared a lot less than I did, my sympathies went to them – it was the roughest of all the journeys I had made to Tenerife ever.

Amen to the tour guide

We boarded another more comfortable tour bus and had another tour guide, we were changing guides like the changing of the guard, only we were not royalty.

We were told Tenerife was the largest of the Canarian Islands and as he switched between German, English, French and Spanish the musicality of his diatribes are nigh on a Latin mass without the incense.

In fact, each language was delivered with the rapidity and intonation of Spanish, he was well into the third language before I realized he had finished the first – no pauses whatsoever between the languages.

The Spanish have invaded

German is typically the first foreign language on Gran Canaria and Tenerife because the German are always invading these islands, it does not appear anyone is complaining, but the way the tour guide went on about the Spanish conquerors of the 14^th Century, you’ll be forgiven for thinking it happened yesterday.

Somehow, I have the feeling that Canarians still carry a sense of loss of pride and independence because of that and it have seeped down through the generations as a angst ridden association with mainland Spain which is some 2,000 kms up North.

In all we heard that Santa Cruz de Tenerife was the capital and Tenerife was the largest island, with the highest mountain, it became the refrain to the canticles of the tour narrative.

Mounting expectations

And so we made for Mount Teide, in fact, I thought we were going to climb it after a point, but the first realisation was that the mountain we used to see our drive-bys towards Loro Parque was not in the back yard, it was a good 54 kilometers into the hinterland land through forests to a moonscape terrain that fills you with bewilderment.

The first stop for coffee and conveniences was in the large humidifier, I correct myself, we were in the clouds which had a constant wetness as if it was continuous rain, no dehumidifier could survive an hour sucking the moisture out of the air, we were at just about 1,000 metres up and we all thought that was how it would be until we go to the top of the mountain.

About 200 metres above that we are in the pine and eucalyptus forests where we learnt that eucalyptus trees grow so far and that is why the bark gets naturally stripped off and they are a menace because they suck up so much water from the soil.

Unending sunshine

Soon we were in the glow of the sunshine, see Mt Teide from afar in its glory but without the winter snow cap, to one end we could also see the Izaña Astrophysical Observatory – Tenerife above the clouds boasts over 300 days of clear skies and sunshine – between Tenerife and La Palma they have the most concentration of observatories.

We never got to summit Mt Teide, it does have a cable car that can take you to the top but I suppose that comes as part of a tour for guests holidaying on the island itself, but we heard enough about Father Teide waiting to regale us, succour us and give us the pleasure of its beauty, to have gone to the summit would have belittled its mystique and been an anticlimax

Geology 101

But there was a moonscape around the mountain with lava flows stopped and recorded in time – my geology knowledge was updated as I realised that lava might flow like liquid and present a deceptively smooth looking surface, no could be further from the truth when it all solidifies, it is lots of rocks and big ones at that.

The Canarian islands are extrusions from volcanic activity that have occurred over millions of years and there are been more recent volcanic erupts, we were told the black looking lava flows were young at just under a thousand years and we could not for certain say the volcanoes were extinct – we were at that point introduced to the friendly volcanoes that have not erupted and disrupted lives for centuries.

I could not say I know the difference between calderas or craters, they all belong to the same kind of volcanic landscape but we go to the highest point we would at the cathedral and that was a view to behold – it was breathtaking as it was wonderful.

And the rest of the day

It leaves one amazed that people could visit the islands and be stuck between the beach, the hotel and the bar that shows familiar stuff one is used to at home when the beach is hardly the best expression of the beauty of the island.

I have gotten my dose of the sun already and would have to apply some suntan lotion to my bald head, it has so seriously been sunburnt I look like a character off Star Trek and I am moulting – Bah!

By the time we were back through the clouds to the South of the Tenerife where we were let loose in the tourist shops for 75 minutes, the day was far gone.

A stop over at the cartel restaurant offering Canarian fayre and cheap plonk was good enough, I swore off the plonk and did end up scoffing so much ice cream in one day, I’ll have to do purgatory.

The journey back was better, the sea was calmer and my stomach did not churn at all, I was dropped off at my hotel at 21:27 hrs and the dinner left in my room did not once appeal to me.

Pictures will be published in earnest.

Warsaw arising

A tourist itinerary

My first day in Warsaw was interesting as I spoke with the concierge about what interesting things to do and see in Warsaw.

My hotel room on the 7^th floor overlooks the Saxon Garden and work commencing on the restoration of the Saxon Palace, the excavations now showing the old foundations.

After a chat to the concierge, I decided on the Warsaw tour, the guide would pick us up at 13:45, so I had time to kill before that rendezvous.

A quick walk down to Tourist Office for the Warsaw Tourist Card which I might not use, but is useful if I do need to get into one of the museums listed along my way.

A tourist dilemma

As I got to the ramparts of the Old Town, a girl accosted me and requested I stop to talk, I remonstrated saying there was no reason to stop; these squares are full of people trying to con tourists, sometimes you have to be quite assertively uncooperative – the best way is to keep walking and they eventually would fall away.

She had a good story, a university rag day where they to make people smile and engage in some social interaction, the accosted party rates them between 1 to 10 eventually parting with cash for some nondescript children’s charity and signing a form recording this meeting. That is a smart confidence trick if I ever saw one and I got fleeced and ended up with a candle souvenir.

Hardly had I been done over by this lady a man who had been waiting in line came over to tell me a sorry tale about prison, unemployment, food and shelter.

I do not like hearing these tales, I am not the social services and really as a tourist, it is none of my business however hard these people try generate empathy for their circumstances, it is a complete put-off as it sometimes gets aggressive.

Give it me back

I gave him something only to be confronted with the effrontery of it not being enough – You must be kidding me – I doubt if anyone had ever given him as much before I did, but because I could be that generous I sometimes get taken for dork – that really angers me.

On some occasions I have asked to be given back my money and they should go bother someone else, that usually jolts them back to reality, but this time, the only thing I could muster with a loud voice in the crowded square was – I am just a tourist in Warsaw, your problem is not my problem; the last part became a chorus repeated three times as I walked away and he also fell away.

The next little kid who crossed my path with a mendicant’s countenance stiffened by parental guidance got menaced with my cane swinging in offensive poise; I was not going to suffer this stuff gladly anymore.

Getting back on tour

I made it back for the hotel in time to catch a nap and then meet up for the tour of Warsaw which started off as a tour of hotels where only the English and Germans kept time and others kept us waiting for up to 15 minutes and did not utter a greeting talk less of an apology as they boarded the bus.

In fact, I thought it would b a bus tour but it included a two hour walk in different places, so the first walk was through the Park Lazienkowski towards the Palace on the Water which we entered and strangely everyone but those with canes had to wear shoe protectors.

The heavens opened as we roamed the rooms and corridors, this weekend is not expected to exhibit the best of sunny weather even though it would get hot and very humid.

Polish angst weaved into a guided tour

Funny quips about shape of the parliament building looking like circus but the circus really being in the chamber or the some federal building with a yellow colour being a banana republic got us all laughing; the Poles can make fun of themselves.

We called at the monument to the Warsaw Ghetto heroes and heard about the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising and the Warsaw Uprising and there have been quite a few in 1794, 1830 and lately 1944 - before we ended up at the Warsaw Old Town where we sought refuge for quiet contemplation in a reconstructed church from the elements before we returned to our hotels.

As interesting as the tour was, along with the very friendly people I met, much of what I gleaned from the tour guide was Polish angst, Polish suffering, the equating of their history to that of the Jews and their more consuming hatred of the Russians over the Germans.

At least the Germans have tried to apologise for the Nazi occupation and Jewish persecution, it would appear Russia is still too big to recognise that they had done Poland wrong, not to talk of the fact that Western Europe went to war with Germany over Poland and then sold them out to the Soviet influence at the Yalta Conference.

Today, I should do something cultural like a Frederic Chopin recital and something scientific about Marie Skłodowska-Curie, both Polish born who emigrated to Paris at some point in their lives.

So far so good.