Showing posts with label chance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label chance. Show all posts

Saturday, 2 March 2019

Every time we say goodbye

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Chances
Sometimes, we must take chances and when it comes to love, it is best not to lose those chances. That is what I did with the sudden break in activity that allowed for me to review other aspects of my life and wellbeing. Running a long-distance relationship is not easy at the best of time and we are left to make the most of whatever time we can have together as we arrange and plan for the future.
In this, I found the opportunity to combine business and leisure, I flew out to Johannesburg eleven days ago and met up with my partner who flew in from Bulawayo. The hours of conversation on WhatsApp and Skype seemed to prepare us for this as if we had been together all along.
Embraces
All the in-jokes livened up into a celebration of happiness and joy as we held hands, laughed, kissed, and hugged. In that we weaved 9 days of romance, doing wonderful things all around Johannesburg, communicating and enjoying the companionship we hope to make into a life together, somewhere.
As the days went by and the time for us to return to our respective abodes dawned upon us, we tried as much not to agonise at our pending separation but made the best of every moment we have had together until I had to see him off to the airport this morning.
Advances
At the departure gates, we said our goodbyes and damned the consequences of kissing in public. It was a wonderful time we had together, we are also looking forward to just under 7 weeks away when we meet up for almost 3 weeks of fun and adventure.
Every time we say goodbye, much as it looks like we die a little, maybe, I almost cried a little, we also live for the moments of when we would say hello again, embrace each other and plot that story of lives intertwined for the prospect of wonder, beauty, intrigue, hope, love and more.
Thank you, South Africa, for giving me this wonderful and lovely feeling I never knew I had the wherewithal to express with anyone for a long time.


Tuesday, 31 July 2018

Thought Picnic: On life giving us another chance

Grindr for an update
Passing through Amsterdam Schiphol Airport a few weeks ago, I had a few hours to spare. Whilst Grindr will not offer opportunity, it still remains fascinating as people publish their presence in search of liaison and probably more.
One glance at proximity talent revealed a young man I had known and met a long time ago. At the age of 23, he was diagnosed HIV positive and we just happened to be chatting online when he revealed he was fed up with life, he was suicidal, unsure of what to do and apparently had no discernible career path.
My disposition has been never to run out of hope, regardless of the circumstances one is in. Times that I have comforted myself with the thoughts and spoken words that the storms will pass, the calm will come and the sun will shine again.
Giving life another chance
It was just about the time that I embarked on a post-graduate course, I was doing new things rather than considering my situation terminal. As we talked, I began to put ideas in his head about possibilities and opportunities. More so, I stressed the fact that an HIV diagnosis was an opportunity to give life another chance rather than end it.
What I said might have been a seed of hope, I do not know. A year after he was working as a shop attendant at the airport, a number of times, I passed through the airport and I always sought him out to say hello.
Living the life of happiness
In other forums, I found he fell in love, then got married, went on holidays and soon, I left the Netherlands. For almost 8 years, I did not encounter him anywhere. The few times I had passed through Amsterdam, especially with the reconfiguration of the airport, I thought he had moved on to other things.
So, my surprise to see him on Grindr at the airport that I sent him a message that I was in the lounge and asked if he would want to meet up. He responded and said he would come round to my side of the airport.
For the telling of better stories
Our very first conversation was 14 years ago. He looked happy, healthy, thriving and satisfied with his job where he had been promoted with additional responsibilities. He was still married too and he said he could not be happier as he hinted at the original conversation we had.
I defaulted to the refrain, that we are all stories, that we may get times to tell better stories of ourselves, the things we had been through and how they have become part of a distant past.
More pertinently, having given life another chance, or was is life that gave us another chance to revise our stories for a better narrative? We are full of gratitude and we cannot deny that singular fact, above all else. For now, we are still here and we are thankful for that.


Wednesday, 5 August 2015

Thought Picnic: The career skill of knowing chances, choices and risks

From before
I will like to continue on the blog I started yesterday on the response of Atul Gawande to the question about why he left the politics of being a policy wonk in the White House to return to medical school and take up surgery.
I wanted to be less dependent on the fortunes of others in making my own career; I wanted to be able to develop and voice my own ideas. And then there was this desire to have some skill besides just being at the abstract level of policy and work at that level. So I returned to medical school instead of taking up the offer to work on welfare reform.
He went on to say about surgery, “I loved the sense of skill. And it reminded me of politics in some way – that the really good surgeons had to be like really good politicians in being willing to take chances, deal with risk, know that your knowledge and your skills are uncertain.
Of skill to do
There was this desire to have some skill besides just being at the abstract level of policy and work at that level…” Here, it is apparent that Atul Gawande had to make some serious life-changing and career-defining decisions. Whilst he did not knock the idea of being involved in policy making, he realised he needed to have other skills such that when the need for policy derived from his being dependent on the fortunes of others dried up, he will still be fully able to chart his own course.
It is also quite revealing for him to suggest that policy work was quite abstract rather than practical, even though policy has a way of affecting people’s lives. Yet, it was clear that if he had stayed, he still had ample opportunity within that political setting to be involved in welfare reform.
I loved the sense of skill…” Yet, in leaving policy work for medical school and specialising in surgery, he had found a new vocation and calling, a sense of skill that went well beyond the abstract.
The excitement in the sense of skill is captured in his applying his acquired policy knowledge to his growing medical skill that he found ways to conflate politics and surgery in the following response.
Of chance and risk
It reminded me of politics in some way – that the really good surgeons had to be like really good politicians in being willing to take chances, deal with risk, know that your knowledge and your skills are uncertain…” In essence, no knowledge in all his fields of endeavour was lost, rather the whole body of knowledge had become uniquely his own experience.
This experience is what now allowed him to understand the similarities between good politicians and good surgeons, and one might even say any profession where ability, skill, expertise and experience matters.
For we all have to be willing to take chances where there choices are not as obvious or the course is uncertain. In that, there is risk, some calculable and in other cases quite unquantifiable that is becomes somewhat adventurous, because from another viewpoint, noting ventured is nothing gained.
Knowing the uncertainty of skill
Many of us may be risk-averse, but without understanding risk and exploring the possibilities beyond what we know for certain, we risk living unproductive, mundane and boring lives with sadly unpromising careers to boot.
In all this is the ultimate lesson of knowledge and wisdom, that is to know what you know and what your skills can achieve whilst being very cognisant of the limitations of your knowledge and beyond attempting to bluff your way past issues where you have no ideas, you are geared to learn, to research, to reach and to extend yourself to acquire new knowledge and chart new courses.
The awareness of the fact that our skills even when well-honed might be uncertain to dealing with particular situations that we might have to adapt or withdraw to reflect and relearn is one of the greatest gifts of self-development.
My experience
Having worked in the Information Technology industry for about 28 years, I am well aware of the limitations of my skills, however, more importantly is the fact that I do not always have the answers or solutions to problems or challenges to hand.
In many cases, the knowledge to tackle an issue has only come from being presented with a particular situation that requires a resolution and since not all situations are the same, the solutions will differ.
Yet, all this knowledge becomes part of the body of knowledge uniquely mine that is a subset of my wider experience beyond just my profession and when presented with a similar set of circumstances again, I will probably be better equipped to provide a resolution much quicker than when I first encountered that setting.
I have never feared not knowing, nor have I been held back by not knowing what to do, rather, I have seen such challenges as new opportunities to broaden my knowledge and then return to resolve that conundrum, and doing the next thing. There is excitement is not remaining stagnant, but in pressing on and moving on.
These responses laid the ground for the beginning of the lecture on the subject – Why Do Doctors Fail? [PDF Transcript]
I hope to cover that lecture in some detail in another blog.

Monday, 13 October 2014

Thought Picnic: By chance, for choice, to certainty

The chance unsure
Chance is very unpredictable being the harbinger of luck or disappointment, the effect which can presage significant life-changing situations, it is the precursor of uncertainty.
Yet, we leave a lot to chance with the hope that things would yield a result we have no certainty we would get. Even if we are not certain, it probably cannot be planned to ensure the outcome we desire.
The choice-less chance
In a lottery and many other areas of life, we get hopeful, raise our expectations and sometimes begin to daydream, building castles in the air, even daring to create kingdom and empires in our minds, drifting away from our reality and almost succumbing to delirium.
Sometimes we think that abundance offers options and take the chance that we might find suitable choices, yet having many choices does not mean we would find a suitable match.
Know your chance from your choice
This is evident in trying to start relationships and finding out that we might be in vast populations and yet be alone and lonely, not finding a partner we can choose from the chances we have to meet many who come into and leave our lives.
Sometimes, we might find that chance in life for happiness that sometimes eludes many, but we cannot live by chance and hope that choice would create certainty.
Use chance sparingly, take choice with wisdom and celebrate certainty as a blessing, they are gifts to life.

Sunday, 20 July 2014

Thought Picnic: It's my turn

But now it's my turn,
If I don't have all the answers,
At least I know,
I'll take my share of chances,
Ain’t no use of holding on,
When nothing stays the same.
From It’s My Turn - written by Carole Bayer Sager (lyrics) and Michael Masser (music) for Diana Ross.
Stand bold
This part of that beautiful song simply exemplifies a view of life that I have, the fact that one should take control of one’s life for changes and chances that present themselves.
Speaking to a long term friend who intimated that he was putting his house in order for posterity, he left me with one of those pieces of advice that lasts a lifetime.
Some twenty years ago, he said to me, “Never be embarrassed to ask for what you as an adult should not be ashamed to demand.”
Stand sure
As I talked of uncertainties that moderate my adventurism, he said I had been through enough to know how to make wise choices and he believed I always made the right choices. However, he also said I needed to free myself from the encumbrances of societal mores that limits my expression, my expectations and my abilities.
Wiser as I have become and hopefully more wiser as I go, I constantly take my share of chances, learning better acceptance of myself getting to the point where the pursuit of happiness would care less for what anyone thinks about what one desires for love and for life.
As nothing stays the same, we must change, adapt, review, renew, relive and rejoice in the blessing of life we have, but this can only happen when we get to the point that we can boldly say, “It’s my turn”.
It’s my turn
I can't cover up my feelings
In the name of love
Or play it safe
For a while that was easy
And if living for myself
Is what I'm guilty of
Go on and sentence me
I'll still be free
It's my turn
To see what I can see
I hope you'll understand
This time's just for me
Because it's my turn
With no apologies
I've given up the truth
To those I've tried to please
But now it's my turn
If I don't have all the answers
At least I know
I'll take my share of chances
Ain't no use of holding on
When nothing stays the same
So I'll let it rain
'Cause the rain ain't gonna hurt me
And I'll let you go
'Though I know it won't be easy
It's my turn
With no more room for lies
For years I've seen my life
Through someone else's eyes
And now it's my turn
To try and find my way
And if I should get lost
At least I'll own today
It's my turn
Yes, it's my turn
And there ain't no use in holding on
When nothing stays the same
So I'll let it rain
'Cause the rain ain't gonna hurt me
And I'll let you go
'Though I know it won't be easy
It's my turn
To see what I can see
I hope you'll understand
This time's just for me
Because it's my turn
To turn and say goodbye
I sure would like to know
That you're still on my side
Because it's my turn
It's my turn
It's my turn
To start from number one
Trying to undo
Some damage that's been done
But now it's my turn
To reach and touch the sky
No one's gonna say
At least I didn't try
It's my turn
Yes, it's my turn
It's my turn
It's my turn
It's my turn


Tuesday, 24 September 2013

Thought Picnic: Having life is not enough

That journey travelled
It dawned on me this morning how far I had come from the Tuesday week four years ago, when I was admitted to hospital with a life-threatening condition.
By the time we discovered what it really was, I had the difference of between 5 weeks to live or survival, which involved intensive chemotherapy and a very long period of recuperation.
However, I must not deceive myself that four years on, with the ravages of disease come serious life-changing circumstances, some so radical as to fill you with hope-destroying desperation, despair and depression.
Finding more to life
Having life is not enough, there has to be quality and purpose to it, yet, one must be thankful and grateful for the gift of life and the opportunities it presents, to have hope and to be encouraged to continue the tough journey that lays ahead.
Yes, it dawned on me, when I realised I could not help someone I would have had no problem helping only 5 years ago.
With means, opportunity, ideas and insight, I had the capacity and the ability to spare nothing to set things in place and sort things out – Alas! I was no position to do so apart from find the crutch of my recurring sob story to lean on.
This story needs help
With the encounters of a harder life I have recently experienced in the last few years, I pick myself up and as many times as I find that I fall into exhaustion, relapse and tiredness as if one is losing the will to live after all that I have been through.
Whereas, all I need is a light, someone willing to take a chance, open to the risk of engaging a person with much to offer even if the first point of interaction does not create an amazing impact.
You stand at the cliff-edge wondering whether the myth of flight can be a reality or a walk back to face what presently gives no joy is a better prospect.
You ask yourself again, where would this long scary story end?