Showing posts with label calm. Show all posts
Showing posts with label calm. Show all posts

Monday, 20 April 2026

When You Are Not Sure if It Is Serious

A Night of Unease

My sleep was a bit disturbed, as I had a dull ache in my chest on the left side throughout the night. At one point, the pain spread into my arm, giving the impression I had lain on it, but every adjustment I made brought no relief.

By 5:00 AM, I was in two minds: get up and go for a walk to wear away the discomfort, or acknowledge that this might be something serious and seek medical attention.

AI to the Rescue

The more I thought about it and keyed the symptoms into my AI app, the more I was persuaded to plump for the latter.

I opened my door, set the secure door on the latch, and called 999 for an ambulance, but I was exhausted by the questions and almost felt I'd be gone before we were done.

In the meantime, I had packed a bag with the essentials: a mobile phone charger adapter, a power bank, a notepad, and a pen. Critically, you need to be able to communicate with loved ones and next of kin; Brian and Kola first, then my manager at work.

On the emergency call, I was told an ambulance might take 45 minutes or thereabouts, to which I suggested I'd rather get an Uber to A&E and be seen promptly, and that is what I did.

Into A&E

I checked in, had my blood pressure taken, and was then called back for bloods and an ECG. The waiting began in the Emergency Room, and when the results were sent to me by email, neither the website nor the app was working, so I could not check what I was about to be told.

Hours later, a doctor called me into a consultation cordon and assured me there was nothing serious to worry about from the ECG and the test for Troponin T, which indicates damage to the heart muscle, but she needed to rule out the presence of blood clots.

Blood and Bedside Manner

Her attempt to draw blood was unsuccessful, and she quickly realised it might be fatigue from five twelve-hour shifts in a row. You can imagine junior and emergency room doctors are seriously overworked; the NHS is somewhat strained, and let's not visit the quality and standard of service from people doing their very best under duress, pressure, and the circumstances.

She immediately invited a nurse to draw blood; that also failed on the arm, so a further attempt was made from the back of the hand, bringing the total to four puncture wounds, whilst my left arm was already sore from the earlier abuse.

The Vampire Association

The D-dimer test result was normal. Another doctor then invited me to relate the symptoms again before ordering a second troponin test, which he said should be at least three hours from the first.

I had been in hospital for four hours by this point, so I was ready for another vampire feast. I probably should cut down on my sugar intake; three blood draws in one morning is one draw short of a venesection.

Another nurse arrived with a phlebotomy trolley, and I asked if she was from the Vampire Association. She smiled and drew blood from the already sore left arm without much fuss.

Waiting for the All-Clear

One new development that has arrived at our NHS, already standard practice in the Netherlands health service, is the use of a tube between the needle and syringe. This puts less pressure on the entry point, and I am glad for it.

Once the second Troponin T test result arrives as normal, I should be on my way home. Meanwhile, the wait continues, and the concerns are being allayed.

The doctor came to speak to me in the waiting room to confirm that the second Troponin T was fine. I already knew, as the website was working in the Ambulatory Care Unit by then; the result had fallen one unit within the middle of the normal range.

I was sent on my way, called an Uber, and settled back into bed.

A Google NotebookLM AI Podcast on this blog

Monday, 23 January 2023

Gratitude as a salve of calm

Choosing gratitude over all

You find that you must purge yourself of things as situations and circumstances are taken out of your hands and superseded by the actions and activities of others. It is where you need to be given the allowance to process things at your own pace.

Everything points to the urge for annoyance, grievance, upset, or anger, but you catch yourself thinking that your reaction to any situation makes the difference regardless of what happened to you.

It is with that in mind that I will count my blessings, be thankful for the wonderful friendships and relationships that allow me to review, reflect, reassess, or even reject things that do not help me feel the way I hope to be. It is not just a matter of need, but one of purpose, to be grateful and full of gratitude that the times of now are hardly defining of all times, phases create the experience for insight and knowledge for living.

In my clam for calm

If anything, I hate drama in my life, there are reasons why I am protective of myself, my mind, the influences that aim to intrude, the voices that seek access to my hearing, the scenes that present for my viewing and observation, they are all for finding my place of calm that some think is me clamming up.

Then maybe, I do need to clam up, some things are just that way as we use the mechanisms newly learnt or from times past to command state and status to stand firm whatever wind blows one’s way. I cherish the deep friendships that help to think things through, even as that shell is a place of temporary safety for that need of some security for self and welfare.

Wednesday, 9 February 2022

God save the Queen and I

Beyond the turmoil

The Sung Eucharist for the Fourth Sunday before Lent had much of an accession theme as it was quite ministering to my state of mind. As much as I had the intention of attending to celebrate the platinum jubilee of the reign of our Sovereign Lady, Elizabeth our Queen, along the way was the funfair for the Chinese New Year at Chinatown that I did much to miss on my return.

The Processional Hymn climaxed at the quietude of these lines that I received with a sense of gratitude.

Speak through the earthquake, wind, and fire,
O still small voice of calm!

New English Hymnal (NEH 353)

During the singing of the Gloria in Excelsis, sung only by the choir, you follow what is being said so far until between the orchestration of music and singing, you are lost in the mystery of Latin imitating the esoteric of the spiritual, like the transponder of an aircraft switched off and untraceable in flight until, near the end of the journey, you grasp what is going on, just before the final Amen.

At the call to serve

At the Gradual Hymn before the reading of the Gospel, I found some encouragement in my apparent vulnerability from the ending of the first and last verses.

Will you let my life be grown,
In you and you in me?

Thus I’ll move and live and grow,
In you and you in me.

Common Praise (CP 662)

I was tapping my left foot to the Scottish Traditional melody of this hymn as I was signing and meditating on the words of it. It is known as the Summons, the call to service and ministry.

Though, keeping with the spirit of monarchic significance, during Communion, the choir was in full voice signing Zadok the Priest, composed by George Frideric Handel for the coronation of George II in 1727. The lyrics of which derived from Scripture are in their simplicity not as orchestrated as the singing, and the gender is not changed for the sex of the reigning monarch that we would do for the anthem God Save the Queen; written in 1745 also during the reign of George II; that we sang in two verses without the controversial middle one, at the end of the service.

Zadok the priest and Nathan the prophet anointed Solomon king,
And all the people rejoiced and said:
God save the King! Long live the King! God save the King!
May the King live for ever. Amen. Hallelujah.

Friday, 5 February 2021

Do not lose your head, ever

I will deal when I can

Hounded, I was by officialdom with threats that gained much punitive traction that it became somewhat distressing. On these matters, you are advised not to ignore the issue but deal with it immediately. I have learnt that there are matters you cannot begin to negotiate if you have nothing to lay on the table as an incentive or to persuade them to see things from your end.

However, it is important to find someone to confide in on the issue because they might well have the insight and know-how where you are completely blindsided by the turmoil of your situation, unable to see straight or the way out for your good. The opportunity came to share my side of the story and it was listened to without judgement. Much as there was an urgency to address it, my confidante took on the weight and left me with a firm and calm assurance that it will all be dealt with.

The calm after the storm

This morning, we had a result. What a considerable relief, the threats were like an unconscionable land grab in the quest to weaken the resolve. That I stood firm until a good opportunity came is not one of scheming but a decision to be unmoved. It reminds me of when I was undergoing cancer treatment and some creditors were turning the screws. My retort was simple, I am trying to save my life and until that is done, you can sling it except if what you really want to do is kill me.

In the main, most got the message gave me the leeway and the grace to get well and begin to recover. Eventually, we got things sorted out and it was a lot better than jumping out of my 7th-floor apartment window out of despair. It is all settled, the world is a strange and sometimes difficult place, that is enough to know before allowing my life to be any more complicated than it is.

Be still I say to my heart and my mind, it will come right, Akin. Too many times, that has been the truth in my life. Worry will solve nothing, nothing at all.

Monday, 28 December 2020

Through the Fire

In the flux

The mind is a massive industrial complex of churn, with thoughts and imaginations coursing through spaghetti conveyor belts manufacturing products for which one might not have found a purpose. A recent situation had so many scenarios play out in my head, I felt like I needed a big red button to shut down the complex and get some quiet in me.

In the midst of all this, there was a voice, quiet and calming, asking for a voice to speak to my hearing. It is a place of refuge that in troubled times comes to the rescue to snatch me out of the funk, putting things in perspective and offering a kind of assurance that whatever might come will pass.

In the calm

In life, we are not promised a trouble-free existence, rather there are influences and experiences that seem to equip us to weather storms to new calms. It is like the Psalmist says in Psalm 23, “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.” [BibleGateway: Psalm 23:4]

I am comforted by that voice that says in my head, even in the face of terrifying circumstances, “Akin, everything is going to be fine.” It gives me a sense of security for travel and the assurance that I will reach my destination. Whatever the journey, it will not be the end of the story.