Thought Picnic: I see the light in his eyes

All mixed up inside

How do you feel? It is a question to which I probably have no complete answer. I feel strange, sometimes tired, struggling to be happy, grasping at ideas, events and people to celebrate, looking for distractions that can take my mind off other things that bother me, the truth is, I feel lonely.

Quite lonely and far away from the feel and touch of one I love, time intervening with length that stresses and strains, if we had no spirit in us, we would have lost and abandoned hope. Now, that is something I cannot afford to do. I must look forward, look up, look in expectation and look with anticipation. This must and will change.

Breaking into great dreams

This is what I must do to change how I feel, because the thin wall of separation from the doldrums and depression are so easily breached, it is not a place I should allow to come into my path. It is the power of love that sustains me, the care and concern of many friends who call to check that this fragile being with sometimes stoic bearing, whose vulnerabilities are crenellated in the dismissal of fuss is as well human.

Maybe I am a control freak, I hate to be a victim of circumstances, especially those outside my control, limiting my scope for manoeuvre. I know I am in a passage, I am in motion, as time moves some certainty comes into view. Let us begin to live the stuff of dreams coming true better than we ever imagined.

It gets better always

It is the traversal of the valley of the shadow of death, there is nothing to fear and everything is like a dare, for ahead are the green pastures and still waters, I am safe in the knowledge that I am being led there in the care and protection of the shepherd. Any harm can only come to that which seeks to harm me.

In my writing, I find a great wealth of catharsis, and by the time I am done, I feel much better than when I started. Expression is strangely a form of elation. Let’s get back to Eden before things went south.