Thursday 23 August 2012

Thought Picnic: Resumenda vox mea

Fiducia mea frangitur (Latin)
Of all the things I lost to illness and there are many things to which I cannot begin to put a quantifiable monetary value on, what has been most difficult to recover has been my confidence.
The ability to project myself with the extraversion that comes with knowing what I know and knowing what I can do had diminished that I had literally lost my presence in voice, in tone and in assertiveness.
It fell to just my ability to write to keep an aspect of my expression alive, that was the only kindling I had left and it never failed me.
The bearing environmental factors
However, when it came to pushing my professional abilities, I just did not have the verve and the drive, that is where I needed the most help, this, being able to rediscover myself and stand tall knowing who I am.
Something in my character had become feeble and fragile as the worlds I built around me collapsed in ruinous calamity; a tale to make strong men cry in anguish, if not in resignation.
The environment in which I had suffered great ruin was no more fertile for the regeneration of self and esteem, something radical had to be done.
Making changes
That chapter was closed by following some advice I took over 12 years ago when an occupational therapist told me I was suffering the classic symptoms of a mid-life crisis 10 years early and that I had to do something radical like change my career, change my country of residence or do something as mundane as take up a new hobby.
That was when I moved to the Netherlands and it amazingly rejuvenated my zest for life, my sense of daring and adventure along with the renewed hunger for learning that I took on a Masters course with enthusiasm I had not known for ages.
Making changes again
Just to show how the change of environment can alter perspective, focus, realities, vision and boost morale to levels that make things happen like miracles – I have only relocated six days and things are looking really exciting, I feel confident, I have found my voice and that quality of assertiveness is coming forth quite noticeably.
In due course, I will share even more about what is going on, but the power of a journey to new places to change the direction of life such that one is not left in a rut cannot be underestimated – I have lived this reality twice already – I know.

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