I find myself after a brief respite that has dealt with the pressing and immediate wondering again about what I need to do, what options I have and what possibilities are available to me in terms of the next role contractual or permanent without much of a clue.
The plans have been revisited, the profile rehashed, the strategy reviewed again and again without inkling as to whether I’ve got it wrong again or I should keep doing what I know how to do even more.
The constant graft
Daily, I put in requests to those who appear to need what I have to offer, a phone call, a form filled, permission granted, even telephone interview attended, but answers are long in coming and feedback literally has to be begged for – none of which keeps the confidence anywhere near where it ought to be, but the soldier trudges on thought swamp and enemy fire, ducking and diving – one must survive this war.
There is one preparation left that offers adventure, I will happily take if offered, it is what I love, being a Europhile beginning to have a love of the outdoors and looking to recapture a sense of youth with the new lease of life that accompanied my other adventure some 13 years before.
Keeping my head up
I cannot think too hard about what I don’t have, it will change nothing, though it never ceases to amaze me the many who pour into my bosom meeting immediate need that I want for the essential – God bless them all – it remains for me a story of lifelong gratitude that my privations have never been allowed to become desperately bereft of any hope or succour.
I am liked, I am loved, I am embraced, there is concern, some sorrow, some encouragement, some sympathy, even empathy – there be many that walk with me to pull me through all this – it will come good and I will do well – with that hope, despair will just have to find some other habitation, and that is fine with me.
Like I have just said to my good friend – you can only hold your breath for so long before the healthy benefits become deathly demerits. Then I smiled.