Good Old Pa Cole

Of history living

My Grandpa Cole of whom I know little, but I am learning of in snippets would by terms have been an interesting man. He was tall, affable and quite generous, I am told.

Even though I only learnt of his real names recently, Cole was a moniker by which he was known and called, by reason of his apparent predilection to English ways in mannerism, conduct and apparel. His names were Joel Adebambo.

For one, I thought there were other ways in which we might have been similar, I could not see any signs of male pattern baldness on the paternal side of my genealogy that I immediately presumed it would have come from the maternal side.

A little Bethlehem

Old Pa Cole died just over 4 years before I was born and there are many stories around how he passed on. That he died well before his time is beyond question and the presumption that he was poisoned is quite likely.

However, the more enduring memory of the great man was his sense of fairness and justice. Our hamlet has some special significance in the Ijebu kingdoms, along with being one of the smallest places to have a proper beaded crown king, taking the title of the Àyányẹlú of Ìjẹ̀ṣà-Ìjẹ̀bú.

Blog - Making sense of the people to people of (Odo Ayanyelu) Ijesha-Ijebu

There was an interregnum of tolerance of around 40 years from the end of the 1950s where a pretender to the throne took out all his rivals and some prominent kingmakers, which he succeeded in doing through animist practices, but he was denied the crown; he ruled as a chief (baálẹ̀) and the crown did not return to our hamlet until after his death.

A stand for justice

Not long after the tussle for the crown, an emissary was received in the hamlet just when rituals were demanded by the animist gods by appeasement through human sacrifice. The shamanists were intent on using the emissary as a stranger was required. Good Pa Cole withstood the council that a guest and emissary could not be the victim and they should seek an alternative. For that audacious move, there were consequences, and he consequently paid for it with his life.

One such story was that his chewing stick was laced with poison that on using it, he had a coughing fit that resulted in his demise. At his death, a dirge was sung that stuck in the memory of the children of that time who are well into later adulthood now. Like many things in Yorubaland, much is said for which the meaning is somewhat obfuscated, yet, the truth stands as a witness of those responsible for diabolical acts.

Though I knew my other grandparents and even had a paternal great-grandmother on the maternal side, there is an affinity I have with Old Pa Cole that none in their living times with the names they gave me and how they might have doted over me have with me. I hope to learn more of him and bring to life the memory of an extraordinarily amazing man whose sense of right and integrity is an example for our humanity.

The three ages of the elders

The age of control

In a conversation with my uncle and mentor, he succinctly defined stages of parenthood that he broadly the called The Three Ages which for me was quite instructive that I feel the need to commit the thinking to a blog.

The first age is when parenthood begins, the children through to a certain age receive instruction and correction as part of their development process, there usually is little room for negotiation, but that is down to style and form of parenting along with the societal allowance and strictures that might govern discipline, guidance, and education.

The age of negotiation

The second age includes a transition of the child into maturity and where the parent has to change the tools of interaction to discussion, reasoning, consideration, consultation, and negotiation. The parental respect of the child should be present and growing.

The child recognising their individuality attains autonomy and responsibility for life-changing decisions and the parents reluctantly find themselves in at best, an advisory role which can be useful if deployed with a modicum of wisdom and urging rather than instruction.

The third age, by the grace of maturity of the parents into retirement or number of years and the children quite fully independent working through a late first age or well into their second age changes the dynamic of the child to the parent and it is probably the most difficult transition for the elder parent who would now be a grandparent or even great-grandparent.

The age of instruction

In this age the parent should naturally realise they now take instructions from their children, the liens of control are radically reduced. They can obviously expect to be honoured and respected, but they cannot order their kids around like in their youthful years.

There is no doubt that parents who by terms have become matriarchs and patriarchs would expect to rule over their brood, but even if capacity is not diminished, roles and authority is to the extent that if they refuse to engage, it would lead to damaging ostracism between generations and this often occurs.

The transition of relationships

The times of transition, if the elder generation is not perceptive, would be forced upon them through disagreement and conflict, hopefully with redeemable consequences. A child after a certain age needs to be able to break from parental authority and control to chart the course of their own lives in every sphere of their endeavour, seeking counsel mainly on their own terms.

In all this is a cautionary note still, a saying of unknown provenance, “If you raise your children, you spoil your grandkids. If you spoil your children, you raise your grandkids.”

 

Dreamscape: Twice the dereliction of responsibility?

Doors not closed

Maybe there is a cautionary note to it, as I am aware the dream world does portend a kind of awareness that should not be dismissed without consideration.

In that realm, I found that I left a temporary residence ensconced in my memory from my teenaged years on a bicycle late at night in search of activities that happened more into my 30s. Nothing had happened by the time I decided to return when I found myself in the company of other female cyclists who were tenants there too.

On getting to the house, the main garage door was ajar, and a thought occurred to me that I might have been responsible for leaving the place unsecured, but I could not tell. It meant I had to go in first armed with a chair to check if there was an intruder on the premises and thankfully there was none and it did not appear anything had been lost or stolen.

Realms within dreams

As I went to bed, I was troubled by the idea that I should have owned up to being careless with security even though I had no recollection of it. Then, within the same dream, I relived another instance when I had returned to see the door ajar, my reckoning then suggesting it was my fault.

My cousin then became a protagonist, saying the issue of the lax security had been escalated and he needled me about being the one responsible for the lapse which resulted in some valuable lost property.

Assume before it’s presumed

His magnanimous praise and elevation of a young man who at first appeared to have no prospects deepened my sense of guilt and regret of not immediately taking responsibility with the indication that I would be disgraced and punished, when I was delivered from the nightmare with wakefulness.

Whilst I can think of no interpretation of the dream, it crept into my consciousness that today is my cousin’s birthday, I am not laying too much store in this, but I could not ignore the distress it caused me; the possibility that there might be something I am responsible for that has been left undone requiring I immediately without hesitation assume blame for than prolong the mental agony of concealment in the search of exculpation or acquittal.

This thing called love

A mystery I live

This thing called love I cannot really explain, as I feel it in my heart, an emotion but not in the singular of thoughts and feelings that occupy my mind. All my senses are focused on the object of my desire, a desire that transcends every concept of what I can perceive with my senses. I think of him and I am in another universe of bliss and beauty that no words can describe and no talent in an artist can capture on canvas.

The capacity that in ourselves has for the reciprocity of feeling, passion, expression and love is written in poetry and sonnet, heard in song and music, yet is so uniquely individual and personal, the experience of another only partly describes the relationships of others.

The one who matters

You wonder how in the ocean of literally unlimited choice, one and just one becomes the one you find the unity of heart and life with. Notwithstanding that some one time lovers do drift apart for all sorts of reasons, we do not start the journey of love on the premise of its ending, we seek that it goes on forever.

That fact that we cannot see the future is a good thing, because we take what we have today, infuse it with hopes for the future and launch out on a journey of uncertainty with the view that the growing bond of strength predicated on an affinity that makes us glow from inside out in the presence and the arms of each other would see us through the storms and sustain us within the joys.

Love is a wonder

Not only that, but it is also how we draw strength from each other, knowing that we no more face the world alone but with an unimaginably formidable force of unity, in purpose, in direction, in attainment, in achievement, in success, in life and much more. The mystery of love and how it empowers lovers in the face of everything is still a wonder to behold.

I fell in love almost suddenly, and I know that this means so much more than I have ever felt with anyone else that we will get married and celebrate it to ourselves and anyone who will join us in this amazing thing. I love you, Brian, that is all that matters.

40 days in walking mess

More walk than talk

I would be the first to tell you that not every day of the last 40 since I started my walks around Manchester as my exercise routine has had me excited and rearing to go, for I have been tired, the weather inclement, and the drive expired, yet, I have persevered.

This evening, after a night of barely 4 hours of sleep, I wanted to fall into bed after work and dream, and snore and enter the realm of deep sleep for longer than I had managed before, I could not because I felt my walk was important and I only had to make my 10,000 steps.

Numbers up and down

In that time, I have done 657,850 steps and my recorded exercises have stretched over 446 kilometres, but those are just figures, my figure according to Brian is changing, not that I can see myself, though last week I found I had lost 4 inches about 10 cm off my belly and I am today, exactly 6 kilogrammes lighter.

I guess the greatest feat in all this was on the 5^th of September when twice I managed sub 8-minute kilometres, even to my surprise at 7’56”, I am not looking to break records, I am happy with keeping it under 9’30”, though I can consistently keep it under that. I will keep at it, I think just by the results, it is a good investment in both health and wellbeing at 54.

The pace for 05/09/2020

Thought Picnic: I will be heard

Many words and no fords

What occupies me is a sense of purpose, a desire to experience the difference between things and their purpose. For I have heard a lot of words, but do they have meaning and to what intent have they been spoken?

Even when I speak, I seek to set a watch on my tongue for in its capacity is the speech to bless and even more to sting. For I will speak the truth without leasing and to the hearing of some shall be shock and disbelief, but the truth shall not be unspoken for an uneasy calm to rest upon us like a plague.

Careful of my speech

Though I wish to speak to be listened to and heard without any misunderstanding, it is with difficulty that one has had to address some men to whom I have allegiance and relationship, be they filial or marital.

I do not arrogate to myself speech that creates universes, but I feel the crashing sound like plates of Chinaware dropped from a great height to the ground, the clatter of dishes broken to pieces as the scramble begins to probably put it back together but never with its original undamaged self again.

I love agreement and detest conflict, but to the apparently stiff-necked, there must be a deployment of voice and strength, of consideration and force, of assertion and assertiveness to ensure that you have not been heard wrong the many times you repeat yourself to their hearing.

I am not tongue-tied

In one day alone, this cup from which I would refuse to drink was brought to my table twice in the thirst of times when I would have preferred to fast than to quench it. From it, I drank twice for what was to be said had to be said and for a long time it was brewing for a showdown.

My silence has been taken for being dumb, for no one knows the wells of memory from which I can draw the waters to speak the unpalatable and inconvenient truth. It is not something I want to be practised at, but when it is called for, you will hear me to the hills that would reverberate with echoes that would deafen. I have not come to speak for nothing.

Barclays Bank has severed its relationship with Core Issues Trust, that's fair

A petition I could not support

I was invited earlier today to register a protest in favour of a British Christian organisation called the Core Issues Trust that according to them works to help people with homosexual inclinations reform and realigning towards what might be pertaining to a norm.

Now, Core Issues Trust has a lot to say about themselves and that is a valid issue, I also want to know what others say about them because they are and the premise of their petition which I do not support is to have the Barclays Bank reinstate the backing services they have allegedly withdrawn from their putative customer at the behest of the agitations of certain forceful LGBTI groups.

Core Issues Trust avers that they are “a non-profit Christian ministry supporting men and women with homosexual issues who voluntarily seek change in sexual preference and expression.” Then reinforces the point by saying, ‘It respects the rights of individuals who identify as 'gay' who do not seek change, and supports dignity for LGBT persons. It does not support gay "marriage" - usually considered an "equality" issue, premised on the belief that being gay is "biological" and is therefore unchangeable.’ [Core Issues Trust]

It is Conversion Therapy

Yet, when I view the Wikipedia entry for the same organisation, I see another face of the organisation, “The Trust claims it is possible to change sexuality and offers "psycho-therapeutic" conversion therapy for homosexual behaviour and feelings. Core Issues Trust states it believes human sexuality in both men and women is a choice; and that sexual preference can and should be changed. The Trust says it does not consider homosexuality a native human behavior, but rather a relational or sexual "damage" that causes "deviancy" that it may be "cured".” [Wikipedia: Core Issues Trust]

My reading of this is unequivocal, this organisation is engaged in Conversion Therapy in everything but name, it is well understood that Conversion Therapy is not only harmful, there are laws being promulgated around the world with outlaw it. “There is no reliable evidence that sexual orientation can be changed and medical institutions warn that conversion therapy practices are ineffective and potentially harmful.” [Wikipedia: Conversion Therapy]

However, I respect the right of Core Issues Trust to render whatever services they deem necessary as their somewhat wholesome contribution to society whilst bearing in mind that many organisations involved in sexuality realignment have folded in comprehension of the reality of what core sexuality pertains.

Freedom to harm others

Core Issues Trust remonstrates that this matter is one of religious freedom and from their perspective, it might be, but I take exception to people and organisations who project their freedoms as the licence to act according to their beliefs that would inadvertently or demonstrably harm others.

I see no difference between their situation and that of hoteliers who provide services to the public but select their customers in line with their prejudices against the broad spirit and letter of trade descriptions laws. It is illegal and they get sanctioned when it comes to the notice of the authorities.

As I have written before, if you want to limit the scope of your services or influence to a particular cohort, you have to be in a confined ghettoised community of that homogenous cohort, the moment your doorway is in the public space, your prejudices would have to be lost to a liberal clientele.

Find a Christian bank

Whilst I do sympathise with the loss of banking services to the Core Issues Trust, it is a matter of reputational consideration that they have also lost the services of PayPal and MailChimp, they have courted controversy for a while that it probably does not need much activism to render them a negative customer to consider a business relationship with. [BBC News: High Court hears 'ex-gay' ad ban 'a political issue']

On the point that Barclays Bank unilaterally without notice or consideration withdrew their banking services, I would quite reticent to think a global organisation like Barclays Bank did not have extensive and involved processes that put this matter before panels of intensive debate and analysis before reaching that conclusion.

It made amusing reading when in their petition they attempted to join issues with Barclays – Qatari deal of 2008 when the Qataris came to the aid of the bank during the financial crisis. It was neither germane nor necessary, yet, interesting.

My advice to the Core Issues Trust who have such high Christian principles is to find a bank that supports their value system, maybe a Christian bank. Barclays Bank is not the only bank in the world, and it is not that Barclays Bank has seized their funds if they do find another bank to provide those services. Petition all you want, the decision has been made, contest it in court, if you’re so aggrieved.