Experiencing the mental health detriments of a pandemic

One feels alright

Are you alright? I hear people ask, and I answer, I am fine, thanks. I think I am fine; I feel I am fine, generally, things are fine and well. Yet, they are not so.

Some of the consequences of the pandemic are not as studied or appreciated to any extent, the mental health consequences. In terms of relationships, I am engaged, but we are on different continents almost 9,000 kilometres apart, we were last together in January and communicate daily keeping faith, hope and love alive until the circumstances allow us to meet up in South Africa soon.

To feel human

However, at the crux of this issue is the fact that I am a lone occupant of my apartment in a big city of impersonal glances or stolen greetings. My social interactions are only on Sunday, first at church in our socially distanced seating with masks on, no singing, no touching and pleasantries at a distance. I have not shaken a hand or felt the tight grip of a handshake in probably 9 or 10 months.

Sunday evenings, I meet with my close neighbours for wine and snacks, much banter, smiles and laughter, they have companions and family, I return alone to my abode comforted by the video conferencing with my fiancé or telephone conversations with friends I have no seen in ages.

Touch feels good

The last time I hugged someone was when we hugged at O. R. Tambo International Airport in mid-January. My social humanity is under stress and seriously strained. I was probably last touched when the nurse donned gloves to take blood in April, it remains the last significant human touch I have felt.

I am at work with colleagues I have never physically met, we have been working together since May, but I have been working from home or living at work as the case might be. They have families, some even visit the campus of the workplace, so human interaction takes place to an extent, which for many like me, we live in an electronic age of sight and sound, smell is local or just home as the restaurant culture is literally gone, touch is anathema as it is to be avoided and taste is what you cook or put together to eat.

Senses feel lost

You wonder what this pandemic has wrought upon the earth, it takes away your sense of smell and taste, then robs you of the enjoyment of the sensation of touch, whilst the use of sight and hearing is constrained to a world bolstered mostly by electronics. As social animals, we have lost the social and the animal begins to disintegrate without the grooming that comes with the socially enhancing qualities of human interfaces, much of it physical.

I am fine, I have found coping mechanisms, I am working with the expectation that things will ease up and soon a semblance of living like a real human being with all senses in deployment will come. That sensation of skin on skin, the warmth of touch, the whispering that triggers and excites the ear from breath to sound, the expression of love when lips meet and tongues tussle, you melt into each other with a longing that no words can yet express.

That is what keeps me sane, for I reckon, all this shall pass, the night always ends in the breaking of dawn, no matter how long it seems to our consciousness. There is stress, there is strain, but we prevail.

I'm not losing more

Always get decent gear

Come rain, come shine, I am up at the crack of dawn for my walks, as I found I am usually up early and what better time to get my steps in that doing it early. Today, I found that there is nothing as good as a decent raincoat with a hood. The one I have is an all-weather light coat with zippered air-vents on the sides.

By the middle of my walk, in the fifth kilometre, the rain was pouring down, you would have been soaking wet in a minute without good protection. Some had come out to run in the rain with shorts on. I simply kept my walking pace, my knees strapped with Velcro supports, to ease the discomfort that developed a couple of days ago.

Kneading my knees

I have been advised to try a hot and cold compress; I probably need a good sports massage instead. I can report that I have never felt fitter after over 2 months of walking. I am a bit concerned that I am not dropping any more weight having shed about 8 kilogrammes.

It rained the whole day on Saturday, the volume of water when observed on River Irwell was like a torrent, the embankment that people run on was completely flooded, the river had risen well over half a metre with the swell from the rain. By Monday, it had subsided, I can only wonder what I will see tomorrow.

Numbers, records, maintenance

By the time I get home, I would have done almost 12 kilometres and I will be ready to start work, the jacket, the track bottoms, my trainers and socks hopefully will dry out to consider a walk for lunch or sometime in the evening.

Not that it matters much apart from how measurement enforces competition against yourself, completing 7 kilometres under an hour, getting over 140,000 steps in a 7-day week, maybe we’ll get to 5,000,000 steps soon, considering we are at over 4,700,000 steps now. Why does it matter? Because the charts show improvement and rarely celebrate recidivism.

The Bible still flies beautifully

A book that flies

An encounter on Facebook suggested I believed in a book of lies, he was referring to the Bible. Now, I would be the first to agree that there are incredible and incredulous narratives in the Bible, but this does not suggest you discount the wealth of knowledge, insight and wisdom that constitutes the Bible.

The things I can believe, I study more, those difficult or impossible to believe, I do not agonise over. For a book that is a human narrative going back thousands of years, there are many things we know now that in the language of those times would not have found the proper expression, explanation, or exposition in words.

Present ignorance to future insight

Even today, there are things we still do not understand and the form of words we use to indicate the absence of insight might in the readings of the future made us look quite ignorant of simple concepts. There is a growth of knowledge and understanding that is progressive and enlightening.

I believe in the extraordinary and the supernatural, much of which I may not be able to explain or articulate in any convincing manner. What I believe does not have to become what others do too as I do not expect to be made to believe what others believe. It is sometimes of conviction or persuasion, quite esoteric and amorphous might be the way to view it.

Rise to the bait, I did not, rather we agreed to disagree respectfully and parted ways, until a thought occurred to me this morning forming the inspiration for this blog without re-entering the conversation that was abandoned on Facebook.

Always find the useful

Maybe, I should have asked if the person had written something to distract me from the book of lies, I would not even seek a hefty tome, just a fantasy of a children’s story would do, a use of imagination or the application of studied observation. There also, I would have offered my compendium of 3,267 blogs, with the hope that one might just be interesting.

For me, the Bible is collection of human experiences and there is nothing wrong in having a look at how people tackled similar problems of humanity in those times and had the opportunity to have their story told. If there is nothing new under the sun, then the Bible is probably as a good enough a manual of life from which I have found much help even when it is difficult to believe I could be helped.

Rather than dismiss things out of hand, sometimes, it is good to find the useful out of what you might think is broadly useless. At the very least, have as much sense as an old cow, eat the hay and leave the baling wire.

Thought Picnic: I share hoping it can help

Making others matter more

One thing I am trying to learn better is how to be considerate of others. More critically, how not to make my life experiences the prism from which I view others, because, even if we do experience the same thing, how we are affected would most definitely differ.

It is that difference I hope I can accommodate fully so that I do not arrogate to myself the omniscience of saying, I know how you feel, even if the feelings are similar enough. Then, I understand when someone comes to me and says, I am sharing this with you because I know you have been through this before, I know I am being asked to engage and bring my experience into the fray.

Experience as a guide

I hope what is being asked for is to relate my experience so they can find ways to navigate the experiences they will have. I have seen where people gain confidence that their pre-term baby will thrive because they see me, a grown-up person who was born quite premature.

In respect of failures in life, my encounters with that many times might help give insight that failure is not the end of opportunity, it is a temporary setback from which many do recover and prosper. Attitude is the construct in which to manage adversity for in accepting it is part of a storied life, we do get to tell better stories.

Sharing builds relationships

Having had cancer, there is much I know about pain, the life consequences, the losses that follow and the despair that can take over your life that you are literally losing hope of anything getting better. I would not deign to make my cancer experience a template, my understanding of it is primarily based on my experience and I resist being tempted to extrapolate it to others.

However, what I found is more effective is sharing my experience, telling my own personal story, in that, people, can relate, find relationships and a frame of reference. The story contextualises the human experience and allows others to reflect that if anyone can come through this, then they also have a chance, a possibility, or a prospect of seeing it through too.

If you can, tell

You cannot say to what extent sharing your experience will help another, but I have found out, without the stories, everyone feels alone, isolated in the cocoon of thinking their personal issue is unique, separate and insurmountable.

The saying goes, there is nothing new under the sun, that is only helped when someone you know and can relate to can show you that bridge has been crossed many times before, there is nothing to be afraid of in the experience called life.

The village girl is a sex doll

When they decide for you

The village girl made an appearance again in the documentary of the continuant present, beautiful, naïve and unsophisticated, homely, nubile and fertile, presumably pliant and like clay ready to be moulded and sculpted to the desired image or idol that worships you.

The village girl is vehicle of low expectations offered in the failing of decisions you were expected to make that you did not. The assumption that you are lacking in both capacity and audacity, an eye is out there having decided on your behalf that this would work for you.

They got you sex doll

The village girl is an intrusion an expanse of denial of choices you have already made. In some cases, they will enquire of you but are never satisfied by how you respond. Your sexuality being an issue you may not be at liberty to discuss, for it is expected that a heteronormative expression is the only game in town.

The village girl is a doll, plastic to the feel and dressed as you will. Mute that she cannot talk back, though they forget that she is also deaf that she cannot hear. There is nothing sensory in her adoption than to fulfil a predilection. They seek a grandchild, and any would do, you just need to play with the doll and let nature do the rest.

A wife never by your side

The village girl is a slave, a non-person without autonomy or ambition, the calling is to serve and deign eternal gratitude for being rescued from no expectations to great expectations. Rarely do you hear of her for her mission is defined and non-negotiable. Her lot is sealed in the contract that will eventually invite abuse for the union was imposed to satisfy a whim.

The village girl is behind the veil, a woman in purdah that you can’t afford to show. The distance to be bridged in that relationship is probably too great, it would take more than many are willing to give to grow into companionship for display. As you grew up in radically different environments there is no guarantee that things would work out. They do not care for those intricate issues; the fulfilment is in issue and the troubles you must resolve yourselves.

Used and abused for others

The village girl belongs elsewhere where she can be fulfilled in the things she understands. Indeed, her horizons can be broadened, and so should she have prospects, but not at the behest of others interfering in your life to fulfil dreams they have of you at the expense of the destiny of another co-opted into a Machiavellian ploy.

The village girl will leave the village, the village of your grasp, the village of your pact, the village of the grand plan and the village of subservience, when she does, she will go to the city and in that city, even the village of your mind will not survive. I plea, stop sacrificing village girls to machinations of getting your sons into engagements and marriages, they never wanted, ever.

Thought Picnic: A mindset not to resent the present

Seeing beyond the limits

There are times when situations and circumstances get together to frustrate that you begin hitting out allowing the negativity to consume your thoughts and reactions. This is when you need the quiet and quietness around you to reassess how you are responding to things outside your control.

We can so easily be helpless and forlorn, completely unable to see a way out that we are trapped and immobile. It happens to many of us and it is part of life.

Yet, I have the good fortune to sometimes step back and ask myself whether I am tackling issues in the best way, if there ways in which I can change my mindset and adjust my frame of mind so as not to be frustrated in the first instance and consequently overwhelmed.

Beyond just coping with it

There are many things I have been able to shrug off or ignore, others I have tackled head-on, in certain circumstances it is just a matter of accepting the situation whilst looking for alternative remedies to mitigate the impact. I am affected, but what long term effect and hold would I allow to define my outlook.

I believe in prayers; the problem is usually not the prayer but finding the right words for the prayers you want answered. You may not get a miracle, but a speedy recovery with the medication working well for you, your wellbeing and quality of life, might well be a great miracle when looked back on as a blessing to be counted.

We are a storied existence of feats that do not have to end in defeats. Whilst every defeat we face is most definitely an old feat better understood for new strength, renewed courage and acquired skill.

Mindful of better prayers

We are not always assailed by enemies, sometimes what we require is mercy, grace, and favour. To looked favourably upon when you are applying for something. To be given good consideration, time, and space to meet obligations. To have others treat you kindly, respectfully, with courtesy and a sense of dignity could be all headway you need towards some achievement.

Today, my concern is with a whole range of plans, my desire to travel, the opportunity for remote working from anywhere on the globe, meeting up with my partner, getting married, planning our future together with all the means that help many of our dreams come true. A cloud appears to be in a way of the sunlight of warmth and life to these visions.

I cannot be preoccupied with the clouds; the limitations are momentary, and clouds move on eventually. In the exercise of patience and the assurance of hope that the temporary will always be that and the desires of the heart put into prayer does come true in more fantastical and mind-blowing ways than anticipated, I find new peace, to lie down in green pastures and beside the still waters, this walk through the valley of the shadow of death, will soon be over.

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Nigeria, we hail thee at 60

A preamble

I left Nigeria for the last time, just after her 30^th Independence Anniversary, now at her 60^th, I wonder about how the country has changed, its leadership has delivered, and her people have prospered. Sadly, I do not have much to celebrate apart from the numbers of years, the promise has not been kept, the prospect remains distant, and the potential unrealised.

Yet, I return to the speech given on the day of independence because it still holds a possibility and vision, my affinity to Nigeria is strong even if I do not plan to visit in the near future. The least I can do with the fond memories of my childhood and youth and wish all Nigerians at home and abroad a happy diamond jubilee of independence.

Nigeria, we hail thee, our own dear native land.

Prime Minister Abubakar Tafawa-Balewa’s Independence Address to Nigerians

TODAY is Independence Day. The First of October 1960 is a date to which for two years every Nigerian has been eagerly looking forward. At last, our great day has arrived, and Nigeria is now indeed an independent sovereign nation.

Words cannot adequately express my joy and pride at being the Nigerian citizen privileged to accept from Her Royal Highness these Constitutional Instruments, which are the symbols of Nigeria's independence. It is a unique privilege, which I shall remember forever, and it gives me strength and courage as I dedicate my life to the service of our country.

This is a wonderful day, and it is all the more wonderful because we have awaited it with increasing impatience compelled to watch one country after another overtaking us on the road when we had so nearly reached our goal. But now we have acquired our rightful status and I feel sure that history will show that the building of our nation proceeded at the wisest pace: It has been thorough, and Nigeria now stands well built upon firm foundations.

Today's ceremony marks the culmination of a process, which began fifteen years ago and has now reached a happy and successful conclusion. It is with justifiable pride that we claim the achievement of our Independence to be unparalleled in the annals of history. Each step of our constitutional advance has been purposefully and peacefully planned with full and open consultation between representatives of all the various interests in Nigeria but in harmonious co-operation with the administering power, which has today relinquished its authority.

At the time when our constitutional development entered upon its final phase, the emphasis was largely upon self-government. We, the elected representatives of the people of Nigeria, concentrated on proving that we were fully capable of managing our own affairs both internally and as a nation.

However, we were not to be allowed the selfish luxury of focusing our own interest on our own homes. In these days of rapid communications, we cannot live in isolation, apart from the rest of the world, even if we wished to do so. All too soon, it has become evident that for us Independence implies a great deal more than self-government. This great country, which has now emerged without bitterness or bloodshed, finds that she must at once be ready to deal with grave international issues.

This fact has of recent months been unhappily emphasised by the startling events, which have occurred in this continent. I shall not labour the point, but it would be unrealistic not to draw attention first to the awe-inspiring task confronting us at the very start of our nationhood. When this day in October 1960 was chosen for our independence, it seemed that we were destined to move with quiet dignity to our place on the world stage.

Recent events have changed the scene beyond recognition. So that we find ourselves today being tested to the utmost, we are called upon immediately to show that our claims to responsible government are well-founded, and having been accepted as an independent state we must at once play an active part in maintaining the peace of the world and in preserving civilisation. I promise you, we shall not fail for want of determination.

And we come to this task better equipped than many. For this, I pay tribute to the manner in which successive British governments have gradually transferred the burden of responsibility to our shoulders. The assistance and unfailing encouragement, which we have received from each secretary of state for the colonies and their intense personal interest in our development, has immeasurably lightened that burden.

All our friends in the colonial office must today be proud of their handiwork and in the knowledge that they have helped to lay the foundations of a lasting friendship between our two nations. I have indeed every confidence that based on the happy experience of successful partnership; our future relations with the United Kingdom will be more cordial than ever, bound together, as we shall be in the Commonwealth, by a common allegiance to her Majesty Queen Elizabeth, whom today we proudly acclaim as Queen of Nigeria and Head of the Commonwealth.

Time will not permit the individual mention of all those friends, many of them Nigerians, whose selfless labour has contributed to our independence. Some have not lived to see the fulfilment of their hopes - on them be peace - but nevertheless they are remembered here, and the names of buildings and streets and roads and bridges throughout the country recall to our minds their achievements, some of them on a national scale. Other confined, perhaps, to a small area in one division, are more humble but of equal value in the sum total.

Today, we have with us representatives of those who have made Nigeria Representatives of the Regional governments, of former Central Governments, of the Missionary Societies, and of the banking and commercial enterprises, and members, both past and present, of the public service. We welcome you, and we rejoice that you have been able to come and share in our celebrations.

We wish that it could have been possible for all of those whom you represent to be here today. Many, I know, will be disappointed to be absent, but if they are listening to me now, I say to them: Thank you on behalf of my countrymen. Thank you for your devoted service, which helped to build up Nigeria into a nation. Today we are reaping the harvest, which you have sowed, and the quality of the harvest is equalled only by our gratitude to you. May God bless you all.

This is an occasion when our hearts are filled with conflicting emotions: we are, indeed, proud to have achieved our independence, and proud that our efforts should have contributed to this happy event. But do not mistake our pride for arrogance.

It is tempered by feelings of sincere gratitude to all who have shared in the task of developing Nigeria politically, socially, and economically. We are grateful to the British officers whom we have known, first as masters, and then as leaders, and finally as partners, but always as friends.

And there have been countless missionaries who have laboured unceasingly in the cause of education and to whom we owe many of our medical services. We are grateful also to those who have brought modern methods of banking and of commerce, and new industries. I wish to pay tribute to all of these people and to declare our everlasting admiration of their devotion to duty.

And finally, I must express our gratitude to her Royal Highness the Princess Alexandra of Kent for personally bringing to us these symbols of our freedom, and especially for delivering the gracious message from her Majesty, The Queen. And so, with God save our Queen, I open a new chapter in the history of Nigeria, and of the Commonwealth, and indeed of the world.

Courtesy of Dawodu.com